White House Apologizes for Keeping Taliban Trade Secret, NSA Says Facial Recognition Tools Legal, Girls Plot Murder to Appease Slenderman: P.M. Links

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  • Clearly we have to outlaw imagination.
    Credit: Âtin / photo on flickr

    The White House apologized to Senate Intelligence Committee Chairwoman Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.) for keeping the trade of five Taliban commanders for Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl a secret from the Senate.

  • The new head of the National Security Agency says their recently revealed facial recognition tools are totally legal, so don't worry about it.
  • Two 12-year-old girls in Wisconsin stand charged on plotting to kill another girl in order to allegedly pay homage to Slenderman, a fictional horror villain invented by folks on the Internet as a meme. They are being charged as adults, despite the ludicrousness of their plan.
  • Of course it's Florida: A judge got into a fistfight with a public defender outside a courtroom in Brevard County.
  • The Pentagon revealed today that a Russian jet intercepted an American recon plane over international waters in April.
  • Abdul Fattah al-Sisi, a former army chief, has been elected president of Egypt by allegedly 97 percent of the vote. Many boycotted the election due to the way the country has treated dissenters and the Muslim Brotherhood.

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  1. The White House apologized to Senate Intelligence Committee Chairwoman Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.) for keeping the trade of five Taliban commanders for Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl a secret from the Senate.

    It’s easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission. (Especially when there aren’t going to be consequences.)

    1. I hate you.

      1. Get in line, buddy.

        1. I would never dream of getting in the way of you hating Fist.

          1. Can’t we all hate Fist?

      2. I got first post on the bitcoin piece yesterday…

        Then the whole article got deleted and re-posted minus my comment.

        Coincidence? or Conspiracy to keep the Fist on top?

        1. Lamest. Conspiracy. Ever.

    2. Well don’t leave us hanging! Did Feinstein forgive him?

      1. Only after he did that thing she likes with her neck wattle. Epi knows the one I mean…

    3. Hello.

      I got nothing.

      1. Hang on.

        Always love D-Day in pictures:

        http://bit.ly/SniyKP

        1. That was really cool Rufus.

          1. Yeah it is. That’s why I posted it before him. 😉

            1. I just saw that.

              Friends?

              /sticks hand out…with clown buzzard.

              1. Of course….YIKES!

                My father in law was on Omaha, his twin brother on Utah, and his future brother-in-law was on Omaha as well.

                1. Cool stuff. Lotsa history there.

              2. with clown buzzard.

                Whether the vulture was alive or dead, that was pretty obvious.

            2. Then here’s a h/t to you, Slammer!

    4. Obama should just declare victory in the Afghan War, thus its end, then release all the bums in Gitmo per custom at the end of war.

      1. Could always make them swim home.

      2. Whoever programs the PB bot needs to make a few fixes. It used to be almost human. But lately it’s sub-anon bot.

        1. I have a head-slap political attitude that Democrats lack but certain Republicans burnish like a torch.

          Look at Dick Cheney. He is always wrong on everything. Yet he doubles down on everything – impervious to reality.

          1. Yet he doubles down on everything – impervious to reality.

            I can say the same thing about the reality of how shitty our economy is doing and you in complete denial of it.

            1. I was going to say, BP and Cheney have so much in common.

          2. “brandish”?

            Yep, its going off. Damn, is this what AI senile dementia looks like? How many years till it gets overtaken by a spambot and banned?

            1. burnish- which is even worse.

          3. Shrieky, the only Democrat impervious to reality.

            1. Shouldn’t there be a question mark at the end of that sentence?

          4. He is always wrong on everything. Yet he doubles down on everything – impervious to reality.

            Yeah, I’d say that describes you perfectly. Evidently you are self-aware.

    5. I’ll be sure to use this strategy the next time I break the law.

  2. The Pentagon revealed today that a Russian jet intercepted an American recon plane over international waters in April.

    Where’s Tom Cruise when you need him?

    1. Getting clear?

      1. +1 Church of Somethingomology

    2. Goddamn it Maverick!

  3. The White House apologized to Senate Intelligence Committee Chairwoman Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.) for keeping the trade of five Taliban commanders for Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl a secret from the Senate.

    Easier to ask forgiveness than get permission.

    1. Oh, Jesse. Going for the obvious joke.

      1. My only crime was being a minute slower than you.

        1. Ask forgiveness.

          1. That’s not easy.

    2. Damn that Fist!

      1. “Yes sir! I damn thee!”

    3. I look forward to saying sorry and getting off scot free next time I transgress law.

  4. They are being charged as adults, despite the ludicrousness of their plan.

    Technically I think it’s the motive that was ludicrous.

    1. Kids today… trying to impress made-up, and only slightly creepy beta-monsters. pssh

      What happened to the good old days where kids slayed other kids in honor of the very real and very horrifying STEVE SMITH?

  5. Derek Lowe does a good job of summing up my opinions on psychoactive substances and other recreational drugs in his eulogy of Alexander (Sasha) Shulgin.

  6. Abdul Fattah al-Sisi, a former army chief, has been elected president of Egypt by allegedly 97 percent of the vote. Many boycotted the election due to the way the country has treated dissenters and the Muslim Brotherhood.

    Why doesn’t it ever occur to the petty tyrants and two-bit dictators of the world to maybe not rig your elections to produce such statistically absurd results?

    Why not win with 68% of the vote or something more plausible?

    1. Because who’s going to stop them? It’s so much more fun to be “elected” with 97% of the vote!

      1. It’s so much more fun to be “elected” with 97% of the vote!

        If the New York Times had gotten its way, that’s what Gore would have received in Florida in 2000.

        1. Must be the AGW ‘experts’

    2. Ego gets in the way. Gotta have that 100%.

    3. Not all the world’s peoples are as partisan as here in the United States. Maybe voters were unified.

    4. Why not win with 68% of the vote or something more plausible?

      I’m guessing the yes-men toadies have more to do with that number than the dictators elected representatives themselves.

    5. I was wondering why there was another line of honking cars and Egyptian flags going down the main street of my neighborhood last night. I can’t make head or tails out of the politics in that region – should I be happy or alarmed…?

      1. al-Sisi’s a son of a bitch, but he’s our son of a bitch. So if you’re not a bloodthirsty, frothing at the mouth Islamist, you should be happy; however, if you are a bloodthirsty, frothing at the mouth Islamist, you should be alarmed.

        1. My neighbors don’t seem like bloodthirsty, frothing at the mouth Islamists, so I guess we’re good then.

  7. The Pentagon revealed today that a Russian jet intercepted an American recon plane over international waters in April.

    Now I feel bad for griping about the Russian plane over CA and Guam a few weeks ago.

  8. So who is going to violate the NAP today by voting?

    1. Already done.

      It took a lot of effort not to pick Orly Taitz, but I managed.

      1. I’ll be going later today. I guess I’ll just vote for Tim Donnelly because the contrast between him and Moonbeam is just too good to pass up.

        His whacky immigration ideas aside he’d be an improvement.

        1. I had a really hard time caring about any of the potential candidates for governor. I vaguely considered defaulting to Peace and Freedom for every race I didn’t have a preference for, but have a friend that accidentally helped elect a birther by a narrow margine by voting for him on a lark.

          1. That might actually get me to start voting again: helping to elect the worst possible candidates.

          2. Sucks when you have to start factoring in 2nd and 3rd order effects from your voting.

            Of course the idiots in California are just going to retain Grandpa Simpson?.err?I mean Jerry Brown so I guess it doesn’t really matter.

        2. Did you vote up or down on the homeless veterans bonds? It will probably win based on the description in the ballot — but if you read the voters guide, these are completely unnecessary. What it would likely do if it wins would be to encourage all homeless vets to move to California, we’ll give you a free house!

          1. Down. Almost always down on bonds.

            1. Almost?

              The only reason I vote is to vote against any and every tax increase on the ballot.

              If this “issue” is necessary, stop enough unnecessary spending to pay for it.

          2. Voted down as well. My parents are outraged but I see no point in trying to explain.

    2. About the.same number as those who will violate it by going to work, I guess.

    3. Still trying to decide between the lesser of two evils, taking a ballot and submitting it blank in protest, or skipping the whole thing thus not tacitly supporting the farce.

    4. It’s not a violation of the NAP to fuck with the internal elections of private organizations that encourage you to do so.

    5. I rode my ATV to the polling place. Country living!

      I was voter number 15 at about 4PM today.

      … Hobbit

  9. A judge got into a fistfight with a public defender outside a courtroom in Brevard County.

    I would think Florida voters would go more for the Perry Mason or Matlock types.

    1. Saw the half assed video on the news this morning.

      Public Defender should have pistol whipped the judge, he was being a dick.

      1. The deputies were a little slow to intervene, too.

        1. Judge wanted to take it outside — but of course he started it inside and hoped the deputies would intervene — maybe they know him too well.

  10. From Don Boudreaux at CafeHayek:

    Our disabled veterans are being betrayed by the incompetency, bureaucracy, and callousness of the Veterans’ Administration, the agency set up ? years ago to ensure the finest medical care for them.

    The writer of these words goes on to document a plague of abominable medical treatments (and failures to give any medical treatment at all!) unleashed by the V.A.

    “Hardly news,” you yawn. “Accounts of V.A. failures have been flying around fast and furiously for the past few weeks!”

    Well, ‘hardly news’ is a more accurate response than you probably realize. The above quotation is from an article by Albert Maisel published in Cosmopolitan in March 1945

    1. I’ve already seen the “BOOOOOSH did it too!” meme running around.

      Nope. Your guy has been there for almost 6 years. It’s all his now.

      1. “Think how much worse it would be if Bush was still running it!”

      2. That’s terribly naive. It’s ALWAYS going to be Bush’s fault.

    2. IT’S TRUMAN’S FAULT!!!!1!1!111!!!!!!1

      Anyone here remember his party affiliation?

      1. Well, yes, New Deal Democrat, duh. He succeeded Roosevelt 33.

        1. Rhetorical question, sir (for the irony factor).

    3. Just think of how many wait lines were created or saved by Chocolate Nixon.

  11. The White House apologized to Senate Intelligence Committee Chairwoman Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.) for keeping the trade of five Taliban commanders for Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl a secret from the Senate.

    No word yet on whether an apology for trading high level targets in exchange for an AWOL soldier whose desertion resulted in the deaths of 6 of his fellow soldiers will be forthcoming.

    If they traded the prisoners so they could bring a deserter home for a tribunal and firing squad, I would be on board.

    1. And why the rush to get this done. Bergdahl looked pretty healthy in the videos I’ve seen (the supposed reason they had to do this now)? I’m sure they are old videos, but besides a crap trade, they could have made the Taliban sweat some more.

    2. I have a theory (hope?) that the released Taliban have been implanted with tracking chips while at Gitmo and will be used to lead us to a target rich location.

      1. I swear the the Flying Spaghetti Goat I said nearly the same thing today. Mr. Drone-Happy has put a GPS chip in those fuckers gall bladder and they will meet their demise via air when they leave Qatar.

        1. If that’s the case, that’s all fine and dandy. But a deserter who cost the lives of six honorable servicemen shouldn’t be given a presser and hero’s welcome, he should be given a swift tribunal and a bullet between the eyes upon conviction.

          1. President Drone ain’t smart enough to have some track and kill released prisoners plan in his back pocket.

            He can barely get around to reading a newspaper about what’s going on in the world.

            1. The final result of this would be the droning of a family reunion, rather than a ‘target rich environment’.

          2. I think we need more deserters. There, I said it.

            1. Me too, but if you walk off in the middle of Afghanistan you get what comes to you.

        2. Flying Spaghetti Goat

          Is his name Mr. Chunks?

        3. Nah, they’re just terrorists, not tea- teabaggers trying to cheat the IRS by following the letter of the law.

      2. Worked well with Fast n’ Furious

  12. Feinstein told reporters that she received a call from Deputy National Security Adviser Tony Blinken on Monday evening apologizing for what the administration is calling an “oversight.”

    And she, of course, replied to Blinken, “Fuck you! So-called ‘apology’ NOT accepted! Undo the swap right now or I’ll bring impeachment charges!”

    1. “Bailiff, whack his pee-pee!”

      1. Going downtown, gonna see my gal
        Gonna sing her a song
        I’m gonna show her my ding dong!

        1. Blind Baby! Blind Baby!

          1. Man, we’ll never fit that on the album cover.

    2. The only time the White House will use the term oversight to Congress.

      1. The usage was a meta-oversight.

  13. The most comprehensive image of the universe ever captured

    So if the universe is that large could there not be, by simple mathematical probability, another solar system exactly like ours with a habitable planet exactly likes ours and a sentient race of hominids that evolved exactly like us?

    1. Even if there is such a thing, if it’s more than 10 billion light years from here, our solar system would have time to form, age, and expire before any information regarding the birth of the mirror system even arrived.

      Besides, we know it wouldn’t be exactly the same because the people on that planet would all be sporting goatees.

    2. I can’t bear the thought of the universe containing more than one Shelia Jackson-Lee.

      1. That would be called Hell.

        1. You should hear what they say about our copy!

    3. Looks like the image I saw in my head after I was concussed playing soccer.

      1. Flopper.

      2. Seeing this, I heard a soprano voice singing:

        “Quasar. By Motorola.”

    4. Apparently, yes:

      http://www.universetoday.com/1…..-charlies/

    5. “So if the universe is that large could there not be, by simple mathematical probability, another solar system exactly like ours with a habitable planet exactly likes ours and a sentient race of hominids that evolved exactly like us?”

      yes. Only they discovered ours first, and decided to use their matter-transporter technology to zap all their dumbest people here, then hide their galaxy so that no one could ever return.

      its the only plausible explanation.

      1. Are we descended from hairdressers and telephone sanitizers?

  14. With last week’s release of the Harvey Milk postage stamp by the United States Postal Service, AFA wants you to know the truth behind it.

    Unfortunately, the deed is done. The United States Postal Service honored a child predator at the whim of a drag queen.

    What you can do?

    1. Refuse to accept the Harvey Milk stamp if offered by your local post office. Instead, ask for a stamp of the United States flag.

    2. Refuse to accept mail at your home or business if it is postmarked with the Harvey Milk stamp. Simply write ‘Return to Sender” on the envelope and tell your postman you won’t accept it.

    May I propose we start sending out all welfare and aid checks in envelopes thus postmarked? In all fairness, I’m ambivalent about Harvey Milk, but I find the overreaction to him being on a stamp entertaining.

    1. Sorry, not up on all history of Milk, but “child predator” is a serious accusation. What is the basis of it?

      1. Hey, I said that about a certain fat right-wing Archie Bunker type with a radio show and got my post deleted!

        1. There is a difference between making the accusation yourself, and reporting on someone else making the accusation, perhaps?

        2. You can’t libel dead people.

          I never met Milk, but have a two-degrees-of-separation connection with him, via friends who later died of AIDS.

      2. The AFA says that a biographer claimed that he engaged in adult-child sex. I haven’t read the biography they reference.

        Wikipedia says he dated a 16 year old (while they worked on Barry Goldwater’s campaign!), but had him listed in his personal address book as 18 at the time, so a) not really a “child” predator, b) it’s possible he was mislead. I don’t really know.

    2. I guess AFA is unaware of Milk’s ebullient praise of Jim Jones. Which has nothing to do with Milk’s sexuality, but I just like bringing up the fact that Jones had a serious grip on SF politics back in the day, from Milk to Willie Brown to Feinstein.

      1. Probably a bigger deal thank Milk diddling twinks or whatever (hope he’s not a true molester).

        What was Jones death toll – almost a thousand?

      2. And Milk’s support of Jones was totally before the cult got so freaky it had to move offshore. Grasping, GMSM, grasping.

    3. AFA is right. My 5 year old daughter saw the Harvey Milk stamp and now she’s a lesbian transsexual. 🙁

      1. Please tell me it’s not a FOREVER stamp!!

    4. What’s AFA? Americans for America?

      1. American Family Association. AKA the “HELP! THE GAYS ARE GOING TO CONVERT ALL OF YOUR CHILDREN UNLESS WE STOP THEM!” association.

        They run OneNewsNow.com, which had the hilarious result during the 2008 (?) Olympics of reporting on the exploits of Team USA runner Tyson Homosexual.

        1. Funny, they made a movie called They’re Coming to Your Town

          A movie about “how a small group of homosexual activists took over the city council in Eureka Springs, Arkansas, and began imposing their homosexual agenda on that community.”

          If you remove all of the wingnuttery it’s a movie about how gays revitalized the local economy of a dying small town by turning it into a happening resort town.

          1. I’ve heard that phrase so many times but have never encountered a description of it. I imagine that there has to be something lol crazy on the internet, though. Maybe I’ll drink a few fabulous cocktails tonight and go hunting.

          2. Hey, Jesse, what is the homosexual agenda anyway? I’m afraid my privilege may be so high that I’ve not even noticed it.

            1. I think this is my favorite interpretation of it.

              Most of it occurs between 3:30 and 4:30 apparently.

              1. And then there’s this nutjob.

                Including this line: The goal of the Homosexual Agenda is no less that making it their civil right to allow homosexuals to have sex with our children..

                1. so many font sizes!

              2. That’s pretty ambitious. World domination racks up one helluva restaurant and bar tab.

              3. Realize you are actually in your own bed for a change.

                Sheesh, I’ve been doing it wrong.

                1. Somewhat awkward segue: I’m going to be in NYC for work in late September.

                  I’m gauging interest for having beers with some of the NYC Reasoners. I’ve already talked with Freedom Frog and Slammer, who apparently live closer to each other than Playa and I do, and GILMORE.

                  1. I hear Charles Koch lives in Manhattan.

          3. Is that like The Golden Girls?

          4. Fucking Eureka Springs. About 13 years ago I saw the mayor smoking pot on the side of the road down there. The only thing that is even remotely interesting in that town is the supposedly haunted Crescent Hotel.

          5. If you remove all of the wingnuttery it’s a movie about how gays revitalized the local economy of a dying small town by turning it into a happening resort town.

            Again Jesse, please keep me abreast of the trendiest up-and-coming gay neighborhoods so I can establish myself as the most fabulous real estate tycoon of all time.

            1. Have you seen how I dress? What makes you think I’m on the mailing list?

              1. Oh, so your’re THAT kind of gay.

                By that I mean like one of my old roommates. He would spend his downtime playing video games, reading Buffy comics, drinking Schlitz, grilling food, and eating frozen pizza.

                Ask him about the latest fashion trend and his response was a dumbfounded look.

                The only thing that separated him from me was where we liked to put our weenises.

              2. I would assume that while you’re not Nathan Lane in The Birdcage gay, you would at least know where to find them.

                1. Just look for undervalued property in a neighborhood with terrible street parking that’s not that far from major gay hubs (WeHo and Silverlake). Gays seem to be allergic to good street parking in their neighborhoods.

                  Also look in Mid-City.

                  1. Last time I was in Silverlake I got a parking ticket for blocking access to a fire hydrant. As far as I could tell, the nearest hydrant was about 20 feet away and I was parked well beyond the red painted curb. But now I see it was all part of the homosexual agenda.

                  2. Gays seem to be allergic to good street parking in their neighborhoods

                    So you’re telling me there is a genetic component.

        2. “HELP! THE GAYS ARE GOING TO CONVERT ALL OF YOUR CHILDREN UNLESS WE STOP THEM!”

          I’m all for it. I want my kid to have special rights.

      2. American Family Association

      3. Although this is my favorite thing ever to come from the AFA:

        http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..paign=1490

    5. What’s a stamp?

      1. Oh, you know, JW — it’s like a timestamp, but with sticky stuff on it.

          1. I like Slammer’s better.

          2. Now, *that’s* evangelism.

          3. Good Lord.

          4. I’m disappointed. Nothing about stamps as an acid delivery system?

          5. That’s the kind of Christian scripture I could really get behind.

            1. *narrows gaze*

              I shan’t forgive you for beating me to that remark…

    6. Just make all Harvey Milk stamps come with a leaflet of trigger-warnings to affix to each parcel along with the stamp, duh.

      1. The worst part of a H. Milk stamp is licking it, because Diane Feinstein had her fingers inside him.

        1. The worst part of a H. Milk stamp is licking it, because Diane Feinstein had her fingers inside him.

          This sentence is filthy on just about every level.

          Kudos.

  15. Having spent the past year working heavily with the least robust portion of codebase finally pays off: it’s time to bash the upcoming version and I’m raking in the bug reports.

  16. CNN reports Hillary Clinton to take part in a town hall where she “will ‘take questions from the American public with nothing off limits,’ according to a CNN statement announcing the event.”

    Hmm… I wonder how “At this point, what difference does it make?” will go over?

    http://politicalticker.blogs.c…..?hpt=hp_t3

    1. My advice: Double Down.

      “It doesn’t make a goddamn bit of difference now, you fucking idiot. Nest question!”

      I have a smooth way like that.

      1. You do seem to be good at that.

    2. She will ‘take questions from the American public with nothing off limits’.

      Of course, many *answers* are off-limits.

    3. So several people died on her watch in Benghazi, she took full responsibility publicly. So Hillary, since you didn’t resign in disgrace, and didn’t even fire some low level scapegoat, what does taking full responsibility involve?

      1. “Taking full responsibility” means the exact fucking opposite. Reno said the same thing after Waco.

    4. Monica reported that Bill’s dick has a red spot on it. Real or lipstick?

  17. Even Jeffrey Toobin thinks the Obama administration broke the law

    “I think he clearly broke the law,” Toobin said. “The law says 30-days’ notice. He didn’t give 30-days’ notice.” Toobin added that Obama’s opinion expressed in a signing statement “is not law.”

    “The law is on the books, and he didn’t follow it,” Toobin added.

    CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer noted that former President George W. Bush also issued signing statements even though they thought their action may not have been constitutional or legal. “But liberals were outraged by George W. Bush’s signing statements,” Toobin noted.

    “You realize, of course, you’re accusing the President of the United States of breaking the law” Blitzer observed.

    “I do think that his critics have a very good point here,” Toobin asserted. He noted that Congress and the courts are unlikely to do anything about it. “But, you know, it matters whether people follow the law or not,” he concluded.

    I guess we’ll just have to wait for the next GOP president for any lines to be drawn again.

    1. “You realize, of course, you’re accusing the President of the United States of breaking the law” Blitzer observed.

      It’s not an “accusation” when one is stating observed fact, you piece of shit.

      1. Well said.

      2. I wasn’t aware there was anyone stupid enough to believe that the Obama administration doesn’t break the law on a regular basis. At worst, I thought they would be aware of his lawlessness but just not care because rules are for little people and he’s a Top Man trying to get things done. But this? Pearl clutching at the idea that someone is accusing the President of breaking the law, after all he’s done? Really?

        1. I wasn’t aware there was anyone stupid enough to believe that the Obama administration doesn’t break the law on a regular basis

          Here let me help you with that.

          1. Do they not believe it, or do they think it’s okay because their guy is doing it?

            1. They’ll grovel to their TOP. MEN. because they’re all bottom bitches*

              *NTTAWWT

              1. FYI – a “bottom bitch” is the best whore a pimp has, not the most pathetic.

                **The More You Know**

                1. Jeez, even Butters knows that

            2. In Progtopia you can color your chains in many ways. Denial Red and Jackboot Black are only two of the many custom colors available, Comrade!

      3. “You realize, of course, you’re accusing the President of the United States of breaking the law” Blitzer observed.

        Ya gotta know your dog whistles.

        Blitzer was warning Toobin that he was perpetuating a stereotype by accusing a black man of committing a crime, thereby publicly outing himself as a racist.

    2. “You realize, of course, you’re accusing the President of the United States of breaking the law” Blitzer observed.

      “Well, when the President does it, that means it’s not illegal” – Richard Nixon. Apparently all he was doing was speaking truth for the future.

    3. It would be so delicious if this is what got impeachment talks started.

      1. No, I don’t think we can impeach Wolf Blitzer, as satisfying as that would be.

  18. 3 things I will do to make sure my sons #RESPECTwomen

    I will do these three things:

    Instill respect for the human body. We teach our guys from the time they can talk to ask before they touch. “Mommy, can I kiss you?” “Daddy, can I feel your muscles?” Hugs are great, wrestling is a daily occurrence, kisses are wonderful. But you have to ask. Not because we shy away from affection (ha!), but because I want touching without permission to feel like driving without a seatbelt — wrong and unheard of.

    Define the word “Yes.” “Yes” means you can do as you’ve asked. Nothing besides “yes” means yes. “No” is not, “Yes if you ask me again” or, “Yes if I’m smiling when I say no.” Also? “Maybe” is not a yes. “I don’t know…” is not a yes. Giggling is not a yes, and neither is nodding or smiling or winking or anything else that girls often do so that we can avoid the responsibility of a strong “Yes.” If you ask a girl if you can kiss her and she isn’t willing to say yes then the answer is “no.”

    Admire their heroism. My sons want to be heroes…I have to tell them when their small acts, like holding open a door, offering to help carry something heavy, helping a teammate or competitor up on the field, are what a hero would do.

    1. How am I supposed to work this in around the rape lessons?

    2. Driving without a seatbelt is “unheard of,” but no one teaches men what rape is. What world do these people live in?!!

      1. Oh, come on. Aren’t you looking forward to a world in which all your sex partners stop and ask you for your explicit permission before each act they perform? And in which none of the nonverbal sexual cues that you previously thought were fun are socially acceptable?

        1. Every bar will have a notary public so the Intention of Sexual Contact forms will be nice and legal…

          1. Kiosk, baby, kiosk.

        2. Given my sometimes crippling anxiousness about properly reading nonverbal cues, I’d be fine living in this parody of a world, given I would feel no obligation to engage with anyone according to this author. They’d leave me the fuck alone because social convention would be that breaking anyone’s bubble of solitude would be a huge faux pas and I could ignore others as I would be required to engage in elaborate verification of willingness to communicate beforehand. So when the clumsy woman drops her wallet out of her purse, I can happily ignore the potential consequences to her because to tap her headphone wearing, gum chewing ass on the shoulder to alert her would be a gross violation of ettquette. Tell me when the feminists have won and my social anxiety can be put to rest.

    3. Admire their heroism. My sons want to be heroes…I have to tell them when their small acts, like holding open a door, offering to help carry something heavy, helping a teammate or competitor up on the field, are what a hero would do.

      Wait, I thought those things were chauvinism and treating women as if they’re too weak and frail to do things for themselves. I’M SO CONFUSED, SOMEONE FEMSPLAIN IT TO ME.

      1. Wait, I thought those things were chauvinism and treating women as if they’re too weak and frail to do things for themselves

        I thought they were a way to start up conversation and get laid…

      2. Same thought here. Do you teach your boys to be chivalrous heroes or beta pussies who read Betty Friedan?

        I’m sure no matter what this guy (is it a guy?) says, someone will be pissed.

    4. Also…nodding is a yes you fucks.

      1. Nicole is racist against the Greek peninsula. Truly the worst.

      2. [Fry is in a Captain Pike-style life-support machine]
        Captain Zapp Brannigan: Do you understand the charges?
        Kif Kroker: One beep for yes, two beeps for no.
        [Fry beeps once]
        Captain Zapp Brannigan: Yes, so noted. Do you plead guilty?
        [Fry beeps twice]
        Captain Zapp Brannigan: Double yes. Guilty.

    5. #Projectingyourshitonyourkidsshouldworkoutjustfine

    6. upchuckle

    7. Is blowing me a yes? I don’t want to overstep my boundries.

      1. What about that time a friend was sitting on the couch with me and kissed me out of the blue. Was that a yes? Or should I have asked her to verbalize it?

        1. Let me femsplain this to you:

          All actions of women are kind and gentle and are never uninvited. Furthermore, they bear no responsibility for their actions.

          All men are rapists.

        2. You should’ve reported yourself for rape, obviously.

          1. To this day I feel guilty I didn’t dodge out of the way until I could get her to say “Yes”.

        3. “Hi, pretty lady, I noticed that you smile all the time at me for no reason and laugh at all my dumb jokes and you’re hardly wearing any clothes at all and you keep following me around and touching me and finding excuses to show me your cleavage and accidentally dropping things so that you can bend over and show me your ass, may I kiss you?”

          Are these people even human? What a bunch of fucking loons.

          1. Why are you raping her with your questions, Warty?

            1. jesse, can I feel your muscles?

              1. Psht, if you can find them. I’m softer than the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

          2. “Why yes, you big silly! Sign here and initial here and here.”

      2. Your boundaries have been violated and you have been raped, make sure to file the appropriate paperwork and take that bitch to court. Remember, enjoyment does not equal consent…not does not saying anything to stop the action…nor does saying yes, but saying no later…signed agreements of both parties with legal representation is the only form of true consent…filed in triplicate.

    8. Part-time family doc, full time mom (4 boys!). Int’l speaking & writing about real life parenting; the awesome, the awful and the amusing. Also @HuffPostParents

      Yeah, that sounds to me like making the best out of the aftermath of a malpractice suit to me.

    9. “May I do it to you the next time you’re drunk?”

    10. “Daddy, can I feel your muscles?”

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
      AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

      Yeah, OK buddy. Sure your kids ask you that. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    11. We teach our guys from the time they can talk to ask before they touch. “Mommy, can I kiss you?” “Daddy, can I feel your muscles?” Hugs are great, wrestling is a daily occurrence, kisses are wonderful. But you have to ask. Not because we shy away from affection (ha!), but because I want touching without permission to feel like driving without a seatbelt — wrong and unheard of.

      Because people don’t learn this through natural interaction by the time they’re of raping-age.

      Morons.

    12. 1) your sons aren’t heroes.. in order to be a hero, you have to do something heroic. What you describe as heroic is called chivalry, and is dead because the previous generation of feminists found it demeaning.

      2) Congratulations, your sons will now need therapy! Teaching them that the only time they can do something is when they get explicit and unequivocal verbal permission will likely lead to major self image issues in the near future.

      3) Good luck with the “permission for touching” thing. It’ll probably just add to the therapy bill given your ridiculously stupid motives.

    13. but because I want touching without permission to feel like driving without a seatbelt — wrong and unheard of.

      Nothing besides “yes” means yes. “No” is not, “Yes if you ask me again” or, “Yes if I’m smiling when I say no.” Also? “Maybe” is not a yes. “I don’t know…” is not a yes. Giggling is not a yes, and neither is nodding or smiling or winking or anything else that girls often do so that we can avoid the responsibility of a strong “Yes.” If you ask a girl if you can kiss her and she isn’t willing to say yes then the answer is “no.”

      Fortunely Mother Nature is not so kind-hearted and gentle and their worthless seed will be rendered devoid of any procreative properties should they listen to their mother’s advice into their reproductive years.

      1. “May I please touch your hair and give you a kiss?”

        “Uhm…That would be great!”

        “I’m sorry, in order to make sure that I don’t accidentally rape you I need you to rephrase that as a yes or no answer.”

        1. As if asking the question in the first place wouldn’t be an instant disqualification.

          Women like men of action, men who take what they want. They’ll readily give in to the temptation as long as the man is being strong and assertive.

          1. And for some women, this works out great because they don’t want to be responsible for their own actions.

    14. “How to Turn Your Son Into the Next Elliot Rodgers”

      1. Keenly perceptive.

        It’s also worth noting that teaching your son merely to ask for permission every time he so much as grazes your arm is completely useless and amounts to mindless theory if you don’t also accompany that request of permission with a frequent denial, which I’d wager is not likely the case here.

        You do you kid no favor by making him accustomed to receiving an answer of yes and actually probably cause greater harm by making him think that all his future advances will be met with no resistance.

  19. The new head of the National Security Agency says their recently revealed facial recognition tools are totally legal, so don’t worry about it.

    Probably doesn’t matter since i have a picture of myself on LinkedIn, but I try never to face tag pictures I have on Google or other photo sites.

    Plus they’ve probably digitized all the old .mil records out there and DL photos from the states.

    Oh and FU NSA – go back to spying on real bad guys

  20. ROBO-SPERM!!!

    MagnetoSperm. Brobots. Never has a scientific journal had so much fun promoting academic works. The day they manage to make eggs sound like unbeatable superheroes might still be a way off, but in the meantime we will have to suffice with these 322 micron-long robots, with heads made of a thick cobalt-nickel layer that can help turn them into magnetic torpedoes scientists can steer.

    The tiny mechanical helpers are designed to help assemble nanoscale products, but also to aid in an array of medical techniques — this could be drug delivery or artery cleaning, or even in vitro fertilisation.

    “As technology progresses and many products get smaller, it becomes difficult to assemble objects on nano- and micro-scales,” said Islam Khalil, assistant professor of the German University in Cairo, and coauthor on a paper describing the robot in Applied Physics Letters.

    “MagnetoSperm can be used to manipulate and assemble objects at these scales using an external source of magnetic field to control its motion.”

    1. Somewhere a Jezebel editor is furiously typing away at her keyboard as she grimaces in an expression of outrage.

      1. When is that not the case?

  21. The new head of the National Security Agency says their recently revealed facial recognition tools are totally legal, so don’t worry about it

    serious question: scandals seem more and more frequent. Face-palming assaults on freedom are more and more frequent. Americans don’t do a good job of looking forward more than a month or two at a time.

    What is the over/under on the amount of time until we have serious civil strife or civil war in America? I don’t hope for it, but we really seem to be going off the rails.

    1. Don’t worry, NSA will be sure to nip it in the bud.

      1. “Boston Strong!”

    2. I don’t think that’s likely, barring a preceding catastrophe like a giant asteroid strike or an EMP nuke attack. But it won’t be pretty when the financial shit hits the fan.

  22. The Cleveland Browns declined comment on Josh Gordon’s latest off-field trouble, but coach Mike Pettine said there are times when a player just doesn’t “get it.”

    “Sometimes guys get the message and it’s too late,” Pettine said, answering a question about whether the NFL does enough to help players while not speaking specifically about Gordon. “In all my time in the league, there’s always going to be a handful of guys that just don’t get it, but I think the league’s done more than enough to get the word out.”

    They always let you down.

  23. Progs outraged that GOP operative helped Bergdahl’s former platoon mates get their side of the story out

    Buzzfeed reported Tuesday morning that the interviews were set up by Richard Grenell, a former Bush administration aide who joined and then left Mitt Romney’s 2012 campaign over complaints from social conservatives that he was openly gay.

    In a tweet on Monday, Full thanked Grenell for “helping get our platoon’s story out.” Grenell responded by calling Full a “True American Hero.”

    Grenell’s partner at Capitol Media Partners, Brad Chase, confirmed to Buzzfeed that the firm did indeed help set up the interviews. Along with the Times, Full and Cornelison also did interviews with The Weekly Standard, the Daily Mail, the Wall Street Journal and Fox News.

    Chase disputed the notion that the interviews were arranged by “Republican strategists.” Pointing out that he is a Democrat, Chase called the characterization “100% inaccurate.” However, a producer for for the Michael Berry Show, a radio program that booked one of the soldiers, told Buzzfeed that Grenell was the primary point of contact for the interview.

    Outrage can be found in the comments and on twitter. Also, TPM has a trending story feature called “The Hive”. The lack of self-awareness is hilarious.

  24. Ukraine moves in on Russian militants in Slovyansk.

    http://www.reuters.com/article…..ZF20140603

  25. Quick, call Pantsfan:
    First pants worn by horse riders 3,000 years ago
    Oldest known trousers originated in Central Asia

    1. Well that led to my most productive youtube search ever. Enjoy.

    2. Would be hilarious if there was a picture of the first tailor in a cave somewhere.

  26. “They are being charged as adults, despite the ludicrousness of their plan”

    Perhaps they are being charged due to the viciousness of their repeated stabbing of the victim? Just because the victim did not die does not mean the attempted murder was fictitious. Try explaining to the victim how ludicrous her wounds are.

    Sheesh.

    1. Charging children as adults is for me one of the most incomprehensible things about the US. What’s the point of having different legal treatment for children if a DA can ignore it for any reason whatsoever? But then I grew up in the Evil Empire, where 12-15-year sentences for murder were typical.

      1. 12-15 years? If I’d killed her instead of married her, I’d be out by now.

  27. “The exchange escalated, and video records Murphy challenging Weinstock: “If you want to fight let’s go out back and I’ll just beat your ass.”

    The men disappear off camera, to a hallway behind the judge’s seat, and loud banging and cursing can be heard. The judge emerges, out of breath, but the attorney does not.”

    OVER-RULED, BITCH!

  28. Ayn Rand writes Harry Potter.

    http://the-toast.net/2014/06/0…..r-secrets/

  29. A former military man president of Egypt, who’d’ve thunk it?

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