11 Cringe-Inducing Moments From Noir, the NRA's Hip New Web Series for Millennials



The National Rifle Association (NRA) has launched a new web series designed to appeal to millennials. Called Noir, it features an interracial pair of flawless, ambiguously aged young folks mixing standard conservative talking points with jarringly gratuitous references to clothing brands, celebrities, and trends.

The overall effect suggests the show was written by a bot exclusively pulling from the Washington Free Beacon and Perez Hilton. Twerking! Trolling! Trans fats! Spotify! Statists! 

Noir—described by the NRA as being devoted to "all things style, firearms pop culture and more"—is hosted by YouTube star Colion Noir, with a mini-dress-wearing co-host, Amy Robbins, who seems dangerously near gushing about pumpkin spice lattes at any moment. New episodes will air new online every Sunday evening. You can watch the full 17-minute pilot below, but to spare you I've pulled out some of the more cringe-inducing moments. 

1. Product placement: "Why the hell do I have to call up a guy to cerakote my gun like I'm making some back alley drug deal? I can get on right now and make a pair of shoes with more colors than a Colors of Benetton ad," complains Noir at the show's start. "And how is it possible for me to walk out of a gun store with a $5,000 gun in a cardboard box? … I want a nice box, I don't want the Build-a-Bear beginning set of a homeless guy's apartment." 

2. Girly gun packaging: "I get Lululemon headbands in better packaging than (gun packaging)," complains Robbins, opining that "what the gun industry is missing" is firearm packaging that's as "cute" as yoga company Lululemon's. 

3. Your boy Eric Holder: "We're going to talk about smart tech, and no not that tactical chastity bracelet your boy Eric Holder wants to put on every gun owner like he's the czar of firearm virginity." —Noir 

4. LOOK WE KNOW WHAT TWERKING IS: "You actually think somebody in a Worldstar twerking video is wearing Google glass?" —Robbins

5. Swag like Hemingway: "I know how we're on this New Kids on the Block/21 Jump Street kick, but the gun world didn't come from nowhere," says Noir. "There's a heritage—a heritage that had a swag that would put most rappers to shame." The screen then flashes to a picture of Ernest Hemingway. 


6. Bill, have a chat with your wife (in bed): "It's pretty blatant that Hillary is no longer sleeping with Bill Clinton," says Noir, "because if she were, he would inform her that this whole gun issue thing and trying to walk this elusive line of gun control but still for the Second Amendment rights is probably not the smartest thing to do." 

7. Amirite? "Is it me or is Mayor Bloomberg the lamest billionaire on the planet?" —Noir (Followed by Robbins: "Okay, I love that you called him the world's lamest billionaire. It's so true!") 

8. Cool like a conservative venture capitalist: "If I were a billionaire, I'd be on Dan Bilzerian's boat trying to convince the gorgeously tanned bombshell that I really do love her for her personality." —Noir 

9. The gun that fits your lifestyle: "The Smith & Wesson M&P Shield is the Will Smith of the gun world… It's the most politically correct gun on the planet…. the M&P effortlessly fits into your lifestyle without being overbearing." —Noir

10. The gun for douches: The Smith & Weson M&P Shield is also "a gun for the city urbanite, who makes frequent trips to the CVS at the bottom of his loft because he refuses to buy food from the natural grocery store." —Noir

11. The gun for women who think it's okay to buy groceries on the way home from yoga: The versatile Smith & Wesson M&P is also "for the 24-year-old bombshell whose idea of acceptable grocery store attire is a pair of yoga tights and a T-shirt." —Noir 

Here's the whole thing: 

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  1. “And how is it possible for me to walk out of a gun store with a $5,000 gun in a cardboard box? … I want a nice box, I don’t want the Build-a-Bear beginning set of a homeless guy’s apartment.”

    Tackling the REAL issues!

    Seriously, though, get some fucking better boxes. It’s as high-touch a purchase as a designer purse, but you wouldn’t know that from the packaging.

    1. Becuase it’s better to walk down the street with a box that says “$5000 gun inside”?

      Seemed like a very silly thing to complain about. Lots of expensive things I own came in plain cardboard boxes. And the two guns that I bought new came in nice plastic cases, so I don’t get it. I also don’t get why anyone would even buy a designer purse, let alone care what the box looked like, so I’m probably not the target audience here.

      1. I’m with you on this. I’ve bought a few guns that came in cases made of plastic, one in metal, and one in a cordura pack. I could give a crap about any of the containers.

  2. Can that skirt get shorter?

    1. I’ll look into that.

    2. that’s a SKIRT?

      I thought it was a belt.

      1. Shake your fist and tell them to get off your lawn, too!

        1. “The bedroom’s on the second floor!”

    3. Hopefully.

    4. Are you complaining?!?

  3. Girly gun packaging: “I get Lululemon headbands in better packaging than (gun packaging),” complains Robbins, opining that “what the gun industry is missing” is firearm packaging that’s as “cute” as yoga company Lululemon’s.

    Also legit. I’m a chick, but do I like baby pink? Give me a fucking break. And a nice gun. In a nice box.

    1. I agree. I don’t want no pink gun (unless it’s a euphemism), but at least put that expensive piece of mechanics in a nice box that can be used as a carry-case. My Galaxy phone came in a way nicer box than my gun.

      1. We are giving the gun industry valuable marketing advice here, Kristen. Women don’t care about pink; they care about boxes.

        1. What about something leather and animal patterned. Maybe several choices…

          1. I’d say lucite or real wood.

            1. So you want a storage/transport box that looks stylish and has some heft? (Seriously, I’m getting my Kickstarter together as we speak. Work is over-rated.)

              1. Sure, but I think the point is that guns should come packaged this way from the get-go. I can go buy something pretty to carry my gun in separately and after the fact, but it came in an ugly cardboard box. For $600, it oughta be packaged better. And not just for chicks. Men dig good packaging, too. Think about cigars, which I would guess would be mostly marketed to men.

                1. Huh. All of my pistols came with a hard-sided plastic case with foam padding. And one was a cheap Taurus. They were still ugly, but functional for packing them away if I had to transport them somewhere.

                  1. My Taurus came in a black cardboard box.

                    1. Weird. I wonder if that’s something new in the last five years.

                    2. No some manufacturers still use cardboard boxes for pistols and most use them for rifles until you get into big money.

                2. It’s a cost thing. The cheaper guns like Taurus (not that they’re bad, just lower in price, which is presumably partially why you went with it) and Kel-Tec keep costs low specifically by not spending on frills like nice boxes.

                  You want a nice box? Buy this. But if you don’t want to splash out a couple thousand, you get cardboard box.

                  1. Orders one for the office…

                  2. I’ll bet the Perm has its own .45.

        2. Women don’t care about pink; they care about boxes.

          “I could stand to hear a little more.”

          1. “Little pink boxes for you and me…”

            /John Cougar Mellencolt

        3. If you want a nice box, you should buy one. I’d rather have the price be $20 less than get a nice box.

          1. Yeah, isn’t this kinda like complaining about the kind of hangar that comes with a new shirt? Lobby to save money up front, and buy something cheaper and more personal afterwards.

            /still thumbs up for the show

            1. I hear ya, but some shirts come in really nice boxes, too. And as restricted as guns are around the world, there is still a decent amount of competition among comparable gun models. A little dressed-up packaging could give the manufacturers some competitive edge when it comes to urban yuppies with limited shooting experience, like me.

              1. Competitive edge over what, though? Are there people wondering if they should spend their money on a gun or some new shoes or something and are swayed by the packaging that one thing or the other comes in?

                I’m willing to accept that I don’t get something here. I’m not a shopper. I buy the thing I need or want when I need or want it.

                1. Competitive advantage over comparable gun models with shittier packaging. Sorry if that wasn’t clear.

                  And this type of marketing obviously isn’t for everyone. Like I said, it’s most appealing to urban yuppies who maybe haven’t had a chance to shoot that many guns, don’t have extensive firearms knowledge. and may not know which model 9mm to buy at the gun show.

                  1. OK. I think Zeb and I look at it from a pure price standpoint, but I get that aesthetics can matter. I certainly prefer the look of some guns over others, I can extend that out to packaging.

              2. Unless you’re at a gun show, you usually don’t see the box until you’ve already bought it.

        4. Women don’t care about pink; they care about boxes.

          Not necessarily “women.” Think about the new shooters (and there are lots of them these days) who are starting out by buying one gun. They aren’t going to have a safe or a six-handgun vault. They haven’t yet built an over-the-shoulder 12-pocket range bag.

          They need a box they can lock for storage and take shooting. Think Glock box, but big enough for a carton of cartridges.

        5. Women don’t care about pink; they care about boxes.

          You were totally thinking about the birthday gift from that scene in the restaurant in Le Femee Nakita when you were writing this, weren’t you.

  4. Some of these are cringey, but Elizabeth is just kind of being a bitch. Bloomberg IS the lamest billionaire!

  5. Twerking! Trolling! Trans fats! Spotify! Statists!

    I don’t think it would really be the worst thing ever if “statist” became such a mainstream word that a red squiggly line wouldn’t appear under it every time I type it. Now someone needs to tell the minarchists (similarly red underlined) that they’re statists too.

    1. I went down to the beach and saw Kiki
      She was, like, all “Minarchists are statists too!”
      And I was, like, “whatever!”

      1. Well played.

        Or whatever.

    2. No, someone needs to tell the anarchos they are also collectivists.

      1. No, someone needs to tell the anarchos they are also collectivists.

        Interesting theory.

  6. “I know how we’re on this New Kids on the Block/21 Jump Street kick, but the gun world didn’t come from nowhere,” says Noir. “There’s a heritage?a heritage that had a swag that would put most rappers to shame.” The screen then flashes to a picture of Ernest Hemingway.

    These are all words, but that’s where the resemblance to actual language stops.

  7. Nice pins.

  8. Hey what does noir mean, anyway?

    1. something to do with your face.

    2. I noticed that too! Wah-wah.

    3. How do you say that in Spanish?

      1. Negr…Hey!

    4. Last name of the Black guy featured in the video.

      He is a Gen Y gun rights youtube celebrity.

  9. Oh, and don’t get nervous guys, I have never had a pumpkin spice latte but assume they are fucking nasty.

    1. I would drink a pumpkin spice latte if I got to make conversation with those legs while doing so. Even knowing that I’m going home to my wife with my chastity intact.

      1. Even knowing that I’m going home to my wife with my chastity intact.

        Right, exactly.

        It’s like why it’s fun to buy a lottery ticket.

        You don’t actually expect to win. You just want to enjoy thinking about winning for a few minutes.

  10. I actually saw this several weeks ago… or maybe one just like it. I don’t remember. I don’t remember it being particularly cringe-worthy.

    I mean, it’s a chat-show about guns, the gun industry. I’m not sure every episode is supposed to be about hard-hitting topics about cosmetic gun bans and the ins and outs of conceal carry reciprocity. I kind of took it as a show that was, in many ways, like your typical online gun-forum.

    “Can someone recommend a good Sticky Holster for my XDS-45?”

  11. “And how is it possible for me to walk out of a gun store with a $5,000 gun in a cardboard box? “

    Because they use the money they’d otherwise use for marketing on R&D.

    1. I’m kind of curious what, if any, restrictions they might have on marketing. Cigarettes aren’t allowed to be advertised on TV, and come to think of it I’ve never seen a gun commercial on TV either. I’m wondering if maybe there’s some asinine nanny state law that requires the packaging and other marketing materials to be as bland as possible. For TEH CHILDRENZ, or whatever.

      1. I don’t believe there is any legislation on the matter, but few are willing to run such ads.

      2. I’ve seen plenty (Glock, S&W, Stag, Sig, Les Bauer, etc.), but I watch a lot of those shooting shows on Monday and Wednesday nights.

        Wasn’t there some controversy with Daniel Defense and the Superbowl a few months ago?

        Oh, and Slide Fire advertises via billboard just outside of Chicago of all places.…..38992.html

  12. Anyone see this bit of proggie unmasking? I wonder if this guy is our very own Tony?

    1. Those comments are fun.

      Von Keith Edwards *RAISING HAND* I’m a black man and I own guns. OMG *heads explode* Do they know that the NRA was started as a civil rights movement for freed slaves to bear arms?
      Like ? Reply ? 85 ? May 12 at 7:49am

    2. Here is something amusing.

      Mr Colin Noir is a youtube celebrity.

      And Lizzy tried to pawn him off as some hired model/spokesman.

      Called Noir, it features an interracial pair of flawless, ambiguously aged young folks

      I guess she thinks all black men look the same to her.

      1. Um, just a few lines down:

        hosted by YouTube star Colion Noir

        1. Hey Zeb what happened to that line?

          It is now:

          “Noir?described by the NRA as being devoted to “all things style, firearms pop culture and more”?is hosted by YouTube star Colion Noir, with a mini-dress-wearing co-host,”

          Lizzy is changing the article and it did not mention “hosted by YouTube star Colion Noir” when I read it.

          She fucked up and now she is trying to cover it up.

          You going to be a man and apologies to me?

          1. My God, of all the things to adopt the whole Internet Tough Guy routine over….

            I was about to suggest you try to find a cached version of the page or something to prove it was edited, but then I realized that might imply that somebody cared.

  13. a mini-dress-wearing co-host, Amy Robbins, who seems dangerously near gushing about pumpkin spice lattes at any moment

    Which doesn’t matter, because I would…


  14. So, this show sucks because they’re trying to tap into the Millennials market? Or, brand name-dropping? Or…what, exactly?

    1. The show’s a bit fluffy, that may be what offended Lizbeth.

      1. They should have used Pokemon references to make it more “real” for her demographic.

        1. Yeah, I guess. I s’pose I’m just not critical enough to crap on an attempt to get people involved in a good thing, that they probably would otherwise pass up.

          I mean, vapid is vapid, but I’m no Millennial, either. Maybe they need to inject more Youtube vids from shooters? There are some good topics and product discussions there*.

          *at least, until Youtube decides guns are nasty and bans said videos

          1. As neither you nor I nor ENB is likely to have much effect on who watches this or where it is shown, I think we might as well just say what we think of it.

            1. Well, like your comment below-it probably is stupid (didn’t listen-just ogled). However, it does seem geared for people other than me, and is probably meant, in some respect, to get the toe-dippers intrigued enough to look around at other, better venues.

              Shorter version: Can’t fly into flying.

    2. Apparently, Nolan’s complaint seems to be that the show is frivolous. I ask you, what’s wrong with frivolous when it involves an attractive young woman in a really short skirt?

      And guns?

      1. Add in a bottle of liquor, and I’m sold!

    3. This show is much more contrived than Colion’s usual thought-provoking youtube videos.

    4. Yes, it sucks for all those reasons. If it works to get more people interested in guns and thinking positively about them, that’s great. But it’s still fucking stupid shit that insults its viewers. Then again, all chat shows like that are.

      1. Again, I am apparently not the target audience, so I wish them all the best.

  15. it features an interracial pair of flawless, ambiguously aged young folks

    They are not 30 and they are not 18…what is ambiguous about their age again?

  16. …who seems dangerously near gushing about pumpkin spice lattes at any moment.

    Don’t knock them until you’ve tried them.

  17. I say if Elizabeth criticizes this show again, we all run out of the room crying. Who’s with me?

    1. Only if there will be pumpkin spice lattes.

      Seriously, what’s her deal with gun shows and pumpkin spice lattes? Both are great in their own creamy, sweet and delicious ways.

  18. “Like, for sure, restrictive gun laws are, like, grody to the max, unless grody means good, in which case they’re whatever the opposite of grody is. So, what’s up, Daddy-O, are you hip to what’s going down? Are we connecting with the youth audience yet?”

  19. Jeez, Elizabeth, you’re cool and all but this is kinda butthurt.

    I mean, why are your examples “cringe-inducing”? sure, there’s product placement and a lot of pop culture bullshit, but surprise surprise that’s kinda the point they’re making. With regard to packaging, or options, or advertising firearm manufacturers are in this weird position of not being able to join the rest of the universe of consumer goods manufacturers in offering their customers options and flavors and possibilities tailored to unique lifestyles. And, yes, surprise, 99% of the consumerist lifestyle is the hippie douche or chick who wants aubergine lululemons or some such bullshit. That’s progress, remember? It’s like page 2 or 3 in your libertarian catechism – we like choices and like the fact that people even get to make dumbass ones.

    I mean, lordy. Have a cocktail already.

    1. She’s like a younger, more female version of Nick: ornery as fuck.

      1. Did The Jacket colonize a new host?

        1. Is that what he calls it?

      2. I wonder if she also wears a leather jacket?

        1. A short skirt and a long jacket?

    2. Just because you think choice and variety is good, doesn’t mean you can’t think a lot of stuff is stupid bullshit. There is really no contradiction there.

      I hope the NRA manages to reach some new people with this. I also think it is awful drivel. No accounting for taste.

  20. it features an interracial pair of flawless, ambiguously aged young folks

    Hey Lizzy,

    218,000+ subscribers…

    That is 100,000+ more youtube subscribers then ReasonTV has.

    You might want to stop talking out of your ass.

    1. She’s not the only one who’s talking out of her ass when you compare this tripe to the rest of Colion’s content.

    2. That is 100,000+ more youtube subscribers then ReasonTV has.

      I think you may have stumbled upon the true source of the butthurt.

    3. Dude, the third paragraph describes him as “YouTube star”.

      Is there some sort of prize for making the most unfounded criticisms of writers based on a scan of their first paragraph that I don’t know about?

      1. So Lizzy wants her article to be like an AP choose-your-own-adventure story.

        Deride the people in the video as nobodies then say the exact opposite a few paragraphs down.

        You might also notice above that people aside from me were asking what noir meant.

        I suspect Lizzy added the “YouTube star” after she read the comments about it.

        1. I’m hard-pressed to find where in the article she “derided them as nobodies”, so I suspect you just have a chip on your shoulder.

          1. I think he must actually be Noir. Or else an angry ex of ENB with a chip on his shoulder.

            1. What?

              Fuck you Zeb. You know who I am.

          2. Called Noir, it features an interracial pair of flawless, ambiguously aged young folks

            Chip on my shoulder over what? Over this article which got it wrong and then edited it to cover it and now reads like a hit piece…a hit piece among dozens of left wing hit pieces some of which describe him as a monkey?

            yeah a i got a chip on my shoulder over this article.

            A chip on my shoulder abotu Lizzy? Nah. This is just one fuck up. I have read other articles she has written and enjoyed and agreed with her.

            This is Hit and Run comments. Mostly only regulars read them. So throwing rocks from the bleacher seats at reason writers is not uncommon here.

        2. Hey, I often don’t read the article past the first paragraph and miss stuff too. But I don’t blame the author for my laziness.

          You are reading way too much into it.

          1. No.

            She messed up. Somewhat understandably. I knew about Noir but did not recognized him in the video still. And only figured it out when someone posted a link to his facebook.

            She thought he was a nobody spokesman for the often boneheaded NRA.

            My excuse is that i am not a reporter who wrote an article on it.

            Anyway she is making it worse with all her edits. It now looks like a hit piece and character assassination of Noir who happens to be pretty cool on gun rights and does get through to Gen Y with his youtube channel.

  21. I declare waffles in full approval of the female wardrobe in this show.

    1. First request: Shorter skirts.

      1. Second request: no dudes

  22. Legs. Damn.

  23. And how is it possible for me to walk out of a gun store with a $5,000 gun in a cardboard box? … I want a nice box, I don’t want the Build-a-Bear beginning set of a homeless guy’s apartment.

    I have to kind of agree with Noir here. I paid dearly for my Cooper Custom Classic and for $3,400, I expected something better than a UPS box you get for seven bucks at Wal Mart. I’m not asking for nothing fancy, just something in canvas with leather trim and maybe a little filigree here and there. And solid brass hardware would be a nice touch.

    1. I know right? I’ve had cooking sets from Costco coming in bags so fancy I didn’t dare throw them away. Come to think of it, I use them for my fireamm now…

      1. I sold guns in college and will never forget saving up for a new Beretta semiauto shotgun shipped from Italy. It came packed only in a thin sheet of cardboard and the forearm was shattered from shipment. I sent it back, ordered another one and it arrived mangled as well.

        I sent it back and bought a Browning Gold. It came packed in styrofoam (the American way) and could have been dropped from the Empire State building without damage. Best shotgun I ever had — never should have sold that it.

    2. My higher-end shoes come in better boxes than my Taurus did.

      1. I’m sure there’s a marketing study somewhere that shows people have a more positive after-purchase feeling if the item came in a nice box. And for all of us to be commenting on it, must mean there’s something to it. And don’t get me started on the way guns look now. There’s no way you can tell me the new Browning shotguns look cooler than a classic A-5. And the old Ruger m-77s with the tang safeties, those were much nicer than the newer ones.

      2. Well, your Taurus is more like a set of New Balance sneakers.

        1. Except the Taurus was about triple the price of any shoes I have ever owned!

          1. I’m speaking relatively.

            Guns as shoes breakdown (a few examples):

            Les Baer Custom 1911 = Prada T-Strap Studded Sandal.

            Sig Sauer = Gucci Logo Strap Espadrille

            Springfield XDM: BCBG Paris Dromka pump

            Springfield XD/Glock: Puma Caroline Wedge Sneaker

            Taurus = New Balance sneaker.

            Highpoint = A pair of flip flops grabbed off the pegboard at WalMart.

  24. I like watching Colion Noir’s videos
    But progs think he’s a chimp

    1. But remember, we’re the ones who are racists, not them.

    2. It’s incredible. Everyone who disagrees is a racist, but it is OK to compare black people to lower primates if they stray from progressive orthodoxy.

  25. Look, we’re supposed to be mocking them, not agreeing with them. Do you want Elizabeth’s hard work to go to waste?

    1. Don’t you know how it works, Tim? We have to neg her from time to time or she starts taking us for granted. Its basic human psychology!

      1. That’s like, Prince of Persuasia lesson one.

  26. I just watched about 10 mins of it before I had to stop.

    I like Colion’s other videos (I’m a subscriber). This extended format needs some tweaking to dial down the cringe-factor. I like Women’s Volleyball as much as the next person, but that girl looked uncomfortable. The product placement I can live with; the desperate attempt to appeal to the Twerk/Twitter/Kardashians!/Gerbil-Attention-Span Generation I can not live with.

    1. ^THIS^

  27. Why aren’t black guys and hot chicks allowed to like guns? Is this some progressive plantation rule?

  28. Yeah, Lizzie better get right with Jesus about Colion Noir. He is the mufuckin man! Some of his youtube vids are just SO right on the money, and he is the rare articulate voice on the right that isn’t afraid to call out the left on their bullshit.

  29. also, I completely agree about the Boxes thing.

    Sigs seem to at least try

    yet for the price, you should probably get a velvet-lined hand-carved cocobolo display case with elephant-bone engravings.

    1. For the price of a Sig, it should be hand-delivered by a man named Lescomb in white gloves and in formal attire. With two complimentary hot chicks in tow.

      1. Yeah, but then the gun would be made on a 3D printer and have a nail for a firing pin. I’ll take the nice gun in a shitty box, thanks.

    2. Fucking squirrels. I had a well reasoned and clever comment set up and now it’s gone.

      Short version: spend money on shit that matters, not presentation and branding. I know I’m a terrible consumer and all, but I like the fact that some companies still keep shit simple even for high end stuff and I wish more would.

    3. Honestly I don’t care what the container looks like when I buy firearms. The same thing happens to all of them, they end up taking space in the closet and collecting dust.

      As for traveling I prefer something a bit sturdier than a blow molded plastic case with a manufacture’s logo embossed on it.

  30. Noir?described by the NRA as being devoted to “all things style, firearms pop culture and more”?is hosted by YouTube star Colion Noir, with a mini-dress-wearing co-host,

    Oh for fuck sakes…Lizzy quit editing the god damn article every time you get called out for your shit.

    Either pull it or add update notices.

    And own up to your fuck up.

  31. If you want to know what the Other Side really thinks about Noir, there’s Think Progress with multiple scare quotes and all the usual statistics.

    “The NRA Just Created Its Own Netflix To Convince Young People That Guns Are Cool”…

    1. So much butthurt in that article.

  32. Definitely cringeworthy. Clear distinction between the scripted and unscripted parts and awkward transitions. Think it could be a cool web show if they get it figured out.

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