Environmental Protection Agency

Work for the EPA! Stay Home and Get Paid to Do Nothing—Or Show Up at the Office and Watch Porn All Day

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(CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)

Allan Williams, the Deputy Assistant Inspector General for Investigations, is testifying for the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform today about cases of employee misconduct at the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA). Some of the stories he shares in his prepared testimony are pretty outrageous.

Much of the testimony is devoted to the case of John Beale, who last year was sentenced to 32 months in prison for defrauding the EPA of about $900,000 in compensation. Among other offenses, Beale didn't show up at work for two and a half years—but continued to collect a paycheck while telling people that he was off working as a spy for the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA).

Williams reports that Beale's supervisor believed he was a CIA spook, but never bothered to perform basic due diligence, like asking for any evidence to substantiate his story. The unnamed senior executive "allowed Mr. Beale to carry out—unchecked—extensive time-and-attendance and travel voucher fraud," the testimony says. Basically, Beale said he worked for the CIA, didn't show up for years, collected a paycheck and more than $180,000 in travel vouchers, and no one asked any questions.

And, as Williams reports, Beale's is not the only case in which an employee was allowed to bilk the agency while not showing up. Another unnamed manager noted in the testimony allowed an employee "not to report for duty for several years." During that time, the manager entered fraudulent attendance records allowing the employee to be paid in excess of $500,000. Worse still was that, while this was happening, the manager "authored and approved exemplary performance appraisals that resulted in a cash award for the absent employee." Call it a fraud bonus.

Another story notes an employee who worked from home for "more than 20 years [!!!!!] with very little substantive work product to show during this time." Telework is great—in fact, I'm writing this post from home. But it probably ought to involve, you know, some actual work every now and then. 

Of course, coming into the office doesn't necessarily result in productivity either. Another investigation noted in Williams testimony describes an employee alleged to have stored thousands of pornographic files on office network drives shared with EPA colleagues. (I suppose you wouldn't want your pals at the office to miss out on any of the fun.) When an Inspector General special agent showed up at the office to interview the employee, the staffer was apparently in midst of watching porn. "The special agent witnessed the employee actively viewing pornography on his government-issued computer," according to the testimony. The employee then admitted to spending "on average, between two and six hours per day viewing pornography while at work." A follow-up investigation found that the employee had viewed more than 7,000 porn files while at the office. This employee still works at the EPA

NEXT: Another Frightening Example of Cops Dressing Like Soldiers

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  1. Telework is great?in fact, I’m writing this post from home.

    Pajama boy!!!

    1. what if he prefers to sleep in the nude?

  2. Honestly, I’m much more comfortable paying the EPA to stay home than to do anything.

    1. THIS!

      1. And then expand the program to the whole government.

        It would probably be cheaper and safer for the average citizen.

        1. yes, we should inform BO of our decision to allow him to just stay home from now on

    2. Agreed. This is the bright spot of the report.

  3. Williams reports that Beale’s supervisor believed he was a CIA spook, but never bothered to perform basic due diligence, like asking for any evidence to substantiate his story.

    There are the same guys that want to regulate how much carbon dioxide we should exhale so not to kill Gaia.

    Frightened yet?

    1. There are the same guys that want to regulate how much carbon dioxide we should exhale so not to kill Gaia.

      I’m ok with this. I hope they regulate the shit out of it, so I can continue disobeying and they all drop dead holding their breath.

    2. I think the major warning to any company is that it takes an effective manager to effectively manager remote workers. At my company, it was common knowledge that many people who were “Work from Home” actually were likely working another job, or taking care of kids, or whatever. And our managers got away with allowing this because the entire leadership chain didn’t know how to manage.

      At my company it is a tragedy. At a tax-payer-funded organization it is a fucking crime.

      1. Agreed – there is a true lack of leadership and real managers in corporations these days (though not having been in corporate world my whole life – I don’t know if it’s worse than it once was). & it shows in a variety of ways.

        Though I do believe for disciplined and good employees, with the right work (IE – no work requiring lots of in-person meetings), and a strong team, can work from home extremely effectively.

        & if CA wasn’t too busy spending billions on a train no one will use in order to remove cars off the road – they could instead give tax cuts to say organizations that allow some percentage of their workforce to WFH – say 25% gets a good tax cut.

        Imagine if 25% of most tech companies in silicon valley worked from home everyday and how many cars and miles driven that would remove from CA roads.

        But as we know – it’s about control – so this will never happen…. but I can dream 🙂

    3. How about “due diligence” like, “If you work for the CIA why aren’t they paying you?”

      1. he was a budget expenditure which means moar $$ for beuracracy next year.

  4. The employee then admitted to spending “on average, between two and six hours per day viewing pornography while at work.” A follow-up investigation found that the employee had viewed more than 7,000 porn files while at the office. This employee still works at the EPA.

    You doubter! He’s conducting research on mind pollution!

    1. “on average, between two and six hours”

      Apparently he’s a statistician for the EPA.

    2. 7000 different sites, or 7000 distinct URLS? Because 7000 different videos is, like, 2 weeks worth of browsing at 6 hours a day.

      1. 2 weeks ha! thats my afternoon,

    3. pending on how long hes been employed 7000 is really low, i think my afternoon proclivities could achieve that in strides within a few short hours

  5. defrauding the EPA of about $900,000 in compensation. Among other offenses, Beale didn’t show up at work for two and a half years

    This FF got paid $360k a year?!

    1. I know, right? What a lowly paid government overlord.

      1. Not just that – but you can well imagine those individuals prone to work at the EPA – most likely believe they’re better than everyone else.

        After all – they are saving the entire planet and every single human living now or in the future.

        Think smugness of Prius drivers X 100.

        Other than that painful point – like others said earlier – I’d much rather pay them to stay home then have them working (assuming that’s the only two options open).

    2. Not base salary, that’s base plus bad bonuses plus the fraudlent travel vouchers, but yeah, he was paid way too much.

      1. $5.00 would have been way too much.

  6. OT: That photo was a lot hotter when I thought she was handcuffed instead of buckling/unbuckling her bra.

    1. TIWTANFL.

  7. Which would you prefer, that EPA bureaucrats spend their time watching porn or that they actively regulate your lives?

    1. I’d prefer they watch porn.

      I’d prefer it even more if their worthless asses were kicked to the curb and they had to find honest work.

      1. Why would you wish these work-shy bums on a productive business?

        1. Better that they spend their time committing self-abuse than abusing productive citizens.

  8. Just thinking about what would happen if the H and R commentors got jobs at the EPA. The country would be awash in homemade beer, amps, and Warty Hugeman novels.

    1. I envision it as Ron Swanson… times a thousand.

  9. I trust the managers of these clowns were fired in addiHAHAHAHA — damn, couldn’t pull it off!

    1. I think the manager’s contention that he believed the CIA spy story was his way of not getting fired by denying any complicity.

      I mean, even at the EPA, no one can be that seriously fucking stupid right?

      1. correct its a budgeting thing

  10. ” The employee then admitted to spending “on average, between two and six hours per day viewing pornography while at work”

    “Well, if we can get that down to 2 hours a day average, that will be some major improvement”
    /progocrat

  11. Beale’s supervisor believed he was a CIA spook, but never bothered to perform basic due diligence, like asking for any evidence to substantiate his story.

    Beale’s supervisor knew how the Company rolls, and chose wisely.

    1. “Seriously, Stan, you’ve got to stop telling people.”

      1. “CUZ IM TOTALLLY A SECRET ISIS FIELD AGENT!!!! but shhh dont tell anyone cuz its secret”
        -Beale “Dutchess” Archer

  12. My ex-gf from many years back was an EPA employee. She said they could have made do on 10% of the staff. Each person’s expertise was only needed a few times a year. The rest of the time they spent making up work, or even pursuing other careers, and strategizing how to justify continued employment in quarterly review.. Some were mayors of their towns, others were professional hiking guides.

    Oh, and basically every regulatory agency is about this efficient and productive.

  13. And this goes on at all levels of government (Norfolk Virginia)

    “””A Community Services Board employee collected a salary with benefits for 12 years and never showed up for work, several City Council members said Wednesday.””

    http://hamptonroads.com/2010/0…..still-paid

  14. And just imagine how hard it is to get rid of these people once they’re caught, assuming they’re civil service hires.

  15. I don’t see how people can watch hours of porn. I mean once the job’s done, the job’s done, right? Even if you do it six times in a day.

  16. The employee then admitted to spending “on average, between two and six hours per day viewing pornography while at work.”

    Peter Gibbons: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door – that way Lumbergh can’t see me, heh heh – and, uh, after that I just sorta space out for about an hour.

    Bob Porter: Da-uh? Space out?

    Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I’m working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I’d say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.

    1. “The employee then admitted to spending “on average, between two and six hours per day viewing pornography while at work”

      Based on how the quote is written, I imagine the guy saying it just like that scene.

  17. The noble, selfless public servant. What reason could we possibly have to want to limit their authority?

  18. Williams reports that Beale’s supervisor believed he was a CIA spook, but never bothered to perform basic due diligence, like asking for any evidence to substantiate his story.
    How about: why did his supervisor agree to pay him for no work simply because of his claims of working another job?

    1. Budgeting funds get allocated to each branch depending on how much they can spend in a fiscal year. it would have been better to have the position quasi filled and legitimize expenditures than to have no one in the spot and to lose the departmental funds

      1. of course i do not condone this practice but every government job i’ve ever worked operates under these principals so i can imagine its the same for the EPA as it is for the other federal branches

  19. If only they were as understanding with the peasants as they are with their fellow apparatchiks.

  20. Two hours a day? Some people spend that much time in the break room. Six hours is a bit much.

    1. you’ve obviously never watched porn just for the hell of it. I’ve spent entire days lounging around doing nothing but surfing porn and playing video games usually simultaneously.

  21. “Worse still was that, while this was happening, the manager “authored and approved exemplary performance appraisals that resulted in a cash award for the absent employee.”

    To be fair, an EPA bureaucrat who doesn’t do any work for years probably is the best bureaucrat in the office. If only we get the rest of them to do the same thing!

  22. 2 1/2 years vacation, porn surfing 2 to 6 hours a day, 320,000.00 salary… the better question is how can i get this job

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