Zero Tolerance

Brickbat: Little Squirt


Officials at Maine's Lewiston High School have suspended a 10th-grade student, who wasn't identified by local media, for 10 days for bringing a bright yellow water pistol to school. They found the pistol when it fell out of his backpack. 

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  1. “”I can say that a student bringing a water pistol to school will, at first, be told that they are being suspended from school for 10 days. We then work to get more facts and complete a review that often results in a reduction of the suspension period.”

    Conviction, then a trial. Now that is efficiency.

    1. Efficiency is a major selling point of zero intelligence policies

  2. “I can assure you,” Webster wrote in an email response to a reporter inquiry, “that unlike some districts, we will work to balance the discipline with the facts of the case. Some districts do not reduce the 10 days and some will even pursue expulsion.”

    Wtf? 1) What other ‘facts’ could possibly be prudent? 2) Suspension/expulsion for a water gun?
    I’m not sure on want to live on this planet anymore.

    1. Ugh, mornings suck. The first ‘on’ should be ‘I’.

  3. I honestly believe that death ray guns should be banned from public schools, after all that’s what it REALLY is, isn’t it?

  4. A water gun is only the start of the progression of an individual into a life of violence. Or so the story goes.
    It is ironic that despotic governments everywhere use water canons to disperse dissident protest in order to appear humane.

    1. Cannons. Otherwise it sounds like Handel in a strange way.



      1. Yes, yes it is.

        These kids probably started out on water guns, but now they are using the hard stuff: NERF!!!!…..07551.html

        Also nice to see that the school stepped in and slapped the miscreants with some penalties even though they weren’t near the school at the time.

  5. My kids school is safe. I sure loved seeing this &*%$ in my in-box ….gah!

    Good afternoon XXXX Parents:

    In an effort to keep our school and community safe, we have partnered up with XXXXX Police Department to conduct annual canine drug and alcohol searches. This afternoon we conducted a soft lockdown action in conjunction with the XXXXX Police Department. The purpose of this action was to complete a drug sweep of the building using police canine units. It is necessary to do this sweep while in a soft lockdown so students do not come into contact with the dogs. Please know that we do not feel we have a drug problem at XXXX, however, we believe that such actions help us to maintain a safe environment for our students and staff.

    Dean of Students
    XXXXXXXXXXXX Middle School

    “Cellblock swept, warden!”

    1. Canine drug and alcohol search:

      I always suspected my dog was nipping at my shit. He’d lay around all day and do nothing. Later he died prematurely, surely from cirrhosis or lung cancer. If I ever get a dog again, I will be much wiser.

      1. You know the term booze hound?

        That’s where it came from.

    2. Please tell me you are going to raise a public stink about this.

      1. God knows I would. I had an elementary school principal scraping to keep her job. She ordered whole classes of students to walk laps around the bus loop for individual kids talking at lunch. At lunch. “I like a quiet lunch and they should have one too.”
        I went to anybody who would listen, school admin, and county supervisors, who listened when they found out my next step was to print 5,000 flyers and have my employees leave one at each house. Owning presses was a nice bit of leverage.

      2. This was Lewiston Maine – too late.

        (I know, the mills are all closed now so it probably safe to inhale in Lewiston and touch the Androscoggin River now.)

      3. I am going to buttonhole the superintendent first thing – then I will see what he says.

    3. Good thing the dogs can’t smell your kids’ dangerous thoughts

      1. Didn’t you hear? The thought police plan to start a pilot program of Psyber Hounds.

  6. Let me guess, someone mistook it for one of dem dere newfangled printed plastic guns that get past the metal detectors.

  7. I am always impressed with the administrators in these situations. He had a lot of “look how reasonable we are” money quotes, but I’ll chose this one:

    Webster said the policy cracks down on toy guns for a purpose. The bright yellow toy brought to the high school this week “certainly looks innocent enough on one hand, but can be used in a disruptive way and lead, perhaps, to students bringing other water pistols that may not look so benign,” he said.

    In other words: “We have to suspend this kid for 10 days because of what someone else at some other time might do. And that something might include bringing a scary looking toy instead of a silly looking toy.”

    Isn’t the normal punishment for bringing an unauthorized toy to school something along the lines of the teacher confiscating the toy and putting it in her desk drawer until the end of the day…. maybe the end of the year for repeat offenders?

    1. I never even heard of kids getting suspended for 10 days when I was in school. If you got into a real knock-down dragout fight, I think it was 2-3 days.

      Obviously possession of a water pistol is much more disruptive and dangerous.

      1. This. I was suspended for fighting once. I think it ended up.being shortened from 3 days to one.

      2. I got in a fight once back in 1985, and it was one day in-school suspension.

        1. Slap fights don’t count.

  8. “No body move! I chopped wood and I’m carrying water!”

  9. Just a reminder, public education is child abuse.

    1. Or as I like to say, the state is the biggest bully of them all.

      1. Which is why, and I don’t mean to thread jack, I’m against all this anti-bullying shit in schools, because they want to bring in the biggest bully of all to enforce it, the state.

        As bad as bullying is, the state would handle the situation much worse.

    2. I don’t call it public education anymore. I call it government starter prison.


  10. Back in my day, bringing a water pistol would have got you more discipling than bringing a real gun. We had a very popular gunsmithing class and so you saw people bring rifles and pistols to school to work on them. A water pistol means you going to soak someone and disrupt the learning enviroment.

    Probably just have it confiscated but no suspension.

  11. They should all draw scary looking guns in their text books. Then the school district would have to confiscate their books because of zero tolerance.

  12. These supposed “toys” are capable of dispensing dangerous DHMO (

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