Bloomberg Spends Big on Gun Control, Lavabit Loses Appeal, GM Wants to Bar Lawsuits: P.M. Links

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  • Going for "Nanny of the Century"
    Credit: World Bank Photo Collection / photo on flickr

    Former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg is going to spend $50 million this year trying to get gun-control supporters to the polls. He's so humble about his efforts to treat people like children! He told The New York Times in an interview, "If there is a God, when I get to heaven I'm not stopping to be interviewed. I am heading straight in. I have earned my place in heaven. It's not even close."

  • Former Bell, California, City Manager Robert Rizzo was sentenced today to 12 years in prison in the massive corruption scandal where city officials were drawing out exorbitant salaries and misappropriating public funds. This is on top of a federal sentence of 33 months for tax fraud.
  • Edward Snowden's former email provider, the now defunct Lavabit, lost its appeal against its contempt citation for resisting demands by the feds to hand over encryption data.
  • The Bureau of Land Management (BLM) destroyed water lines and tanks while it took control of the Bundy family's property in Nevada last week. However, Fox News reports, the orders authorizing the BLM's actions only authorize the seizing of cattle, not destroying any structures.
  • GM is going to court to try to bar any recall-related lawsuits from problems before it exited bankruptcy in 2009.
  • A 25-year-old man was arrested and faces felony charges in Boston following a phony bomb scare near the Boston Marathon finish line yesterday evening.

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  1. Anyone interested in an invite for Jeffrey Tucker’s Liberty.me? I signed up on
    a special deal a few months back and have three invites. It just launched in
    beta yesterday.

    Forums/ebook downloads/chat/groups/etc. Seems pretty neat so far.

    I’ll need a real name/email. Send it to: SweatingGin@pobox.com

    First three emails I’ll put in for the invites, and I’ll try to update when
    I’ve got those so I’m not collecting emails for the rest of the night.

    1. Is that a social media website?

      1. Pretty much, along with a bunch of ebooks available and publishing setups.

    2. Hello.

      I signed up months ago but nothing happened. I can’t worry the problem. The contacted me to tell me they were working on it but that was it.

      1. I had to do a password reset to get in, despite not having had an initial password/reset link.

        1. There’s a cost?

          1. Ah, yes. I had to pay. The invites I am offering are one-year subscriptions (2 left).

    3. Closed it out, emails sent to liberty.me folks, no clue how quick they’ll be on that.

  2. Former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg is going to spend $50 million this year trying to get gun-control supporters to the polls.

    BAN HIM.

  3. Former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg is going to spend $50 million this year trying to get gun-control supporters to the polls. He’s so humble about his efforts to treat people like children! He told The New York Times in an interview, “If there is a God, when I get to heaven I’m not stopping to be interviewed. I am heading straight in. I have earned my place in heaven. It’s not even close.”

    And when he gets to heaven…to Saint Peter he will tell…I’m just another politician reporting sure….they wouldn’t take me in Hell.

    1. My god is he an unbelievable piece of shit. But the funny thing is that what really put him over the top was becoming mayor. He probably did some annoying shit as CEO, but it took “public service” to really get his God Complex on. Political office is toxic.

      1. If you made a movie where the lead villain said “If there is a God…”, people would laugh and say “no one is that fucking crazy”. Yet, there is and he was mayor of New York.

        When he started obsessing about whether mothers’ were breast feeding, I knew he had gone from dangerously stupid to dangerously insane. This just confirms how right I was. How is this guy not in an institution?

        1. “I have an M.D. from Harvard, I am board certified in cardio-thoracic medicine and trauma surgery, I have been awarded citations from seven different medical boards in New England, and I am never, ever sick at sea. So I ask you; when someone goes into that chapel and they fall on their knees and they pray to God that their wife doesn’t miscarry or that their daughter doesn’t bleed to death or that their mother doesn’t suffer acute neural trauma from postoperative shock, who do you think they’re praying to? Now, go ahead and read your Bible, *Dennis*, and you go to your church, and, with any luck, you might win the annual raffle, but if you’re looking for God, he was in operating room number two on November 17, and he doesn’t like to be second guessed. You ask me if I have a God complex. Let me tell you something: I am God.”

          1. I remember the quote but can’t remember the movie. And that is actually much less crazy that what Bloomburg is saying. Your guy is just saying “I have the power of life and death because I am a doctor.” That is literally true.

            To me that is a whole lot different than saying “I am so fucking great I am going straight to heaven”.

            1. Yeah, it’s not perfect, it’s just such a great quote and was kind of pertinent.

              It’s from Malice, during the time Alec Baldwin was doing some of his best work, like Glengarry Glen Ross. He can do ultra-arrogant like no one else.

              COFFEE IS FOR CLOSERS

              1. It is a great speech. I remembered the speech but had totally forgotten the movie.

                It is a shame Baldwin lost his mind. He could play over the top shit like that better than anyone. And he was a much better Jack Ryan than Harrison Ford.

                1. He’s still a great actor when he wants to be. Just a total shitbag in real life.

        2. He hasn’t crossed the red line of smearing fecal warpaint on his face and running down the street skyclad shrieking “Yes, Lord, Hallelujah!”

          1. Well, we can dream.

      2. He probably did some annoying shit as CEO, but it took “public service” to really get his God Complex on.

        I can only picture him as Ben Gazarra’s character from Road House.

    2. Must be fake, Bloomie is too busy auto-filating himself to do an interview.

    3. I guess as a Jew he must feel Matthew 19:24 doesn’t apply to him.

      Good thing he’s humble, too.

      1. lulz

        I was just thinking that since he’s not a Xian, ain’t no way St. Peter’s letting him in.

        PwND

        1. Isn’t it weird to be talking about some other faith’s version on Heaven? Like, when I get to Paradise, I hope the virgins have breasts like two fawns.

          1. I find your ideas intruiging, and would like to subscribe to your newsletter attend your next worship service.

          2. Who knew the prophets were furries?

    4. Girl: Are you sure we’ll get in?
      Bloomberg: It’s okay. I know the bouncer. Hey, Peter my bitch, whassup!
      Peter (ignores and yawns).
      Bloomberg (looks nervously at girl): Peter. St. Peter. It’s me. Michael Bloomberg.
      Peter: Yes?
      Bloomberg: The guy who tried to save the human race from itself.
      Peter: “But already my desire and my will
      were being turned like a wheel, all at one speed,
      by the Love which moves the sun and the other stars.”
      Bloomberg: Da heck you talking about?
      Peter (nods disapprovingly/flips through pages and points to word): Narcissist. Line 4.
      Bloomberg: But…
      Peter: Ciao. Quattro.

      1. :::pulls trap door lever:::

  4. Where’s my hat tip from the AM links for the bloomberg article? /whine

    1. I posted it last night in the TI threat. /cheese

    2. Symbolic hat tip.

      /waves fist at Reason.

      1. Thanks my friend.

  5. A 25-year-old man was arrested and faces felony charges in Boston following a phony bomb scare near the Boston Marathon finish line yesterday evening.

    I can’t define performance art but I know it when I see that it needs to be arrested. BOSTON STRONG!

    1. What if I have a rice cooker and need to get it to the other side of Boston and can’t afford cab fare? I’m just out of luck? Would it help if I put a big sign on it that said “not a bomb”?

  6. Edward Snowden’s former email provider, the now defunct Lavabit, lost its appeal against its contempt citation for resisting demands by the feds to hand over encryption data.

  7. Edward Snowden’s former email provider, the now defunct Lavabit, lost its appeal against its contempt citation for resisting demands by the feds to hand over encryption data.

    The government sided with the government.

    1. As I’ve said before, Paul. promises not to do such-and-such, unless Paul. has a compelling interest in doing so. Paul. gets to decide of Paul. has a compelling interest.

  8. Former Bell, California, City Manager Robert Rizzo was sentenced today to 12 years in prison in the massive corruption scandal where city officials were drawing out exorbitant salaries and misappropriating public funds. This is on top of a federal sentence of 33 months for tax fraud.

    Is 12 years enough? I get the sense that it won’t be if he is paroled too soon.

    1. He’s a government-sector worker. Of course 12 years isn’t enough.

    2. You mean 12 years in something like a luxury hotel?

      1. White collar resort prison.

  9. The Obama administration and state officials are in discussions on a deal that would free up an additional $100 million to soften the blow to Detroit pensioners, two people familiar with the talks told the Free Press late Tuesday.

    The two sources, who spoke on condition of anonymity because they weren’t authorized to disclose the information, confirmed that there have been talks about the federal government supporting a move by the state to give Detroit $100 million in federal money for blight remediation. That, in turn, would free up $100 million of the more than $500 million that emergency manager Kevyn Orr planned to spend for blight removal over the next 10 years. Orr could then use that money to reduce pension cuts.

    http://www.freep.com/article/2…..nsion-deal

    1. Democrats bailing out unions under the guise of blight remediation. I wish the Feds would stick primarily with common defense of the states. Oh well.

    2. If any private-sector organization tried to do this, there would be fraud charges so fast your head would spin.

      1. If any private entity even used merely the base accounting methods the government uses, there would be fraud charges so fast your head would spin.

    3. As I pointed out yesterday, this is a non-fix.

      Detroit needs to dissolve. It’s already done so physically, it just needs to do so legally.

  10. The Bureau of Land Management (BLM) destroyed water lines and tanks while it took control of the Bundy family’s property in Nevada last week.

    You have to admit, they managed the HELL out of that land.

    1. Just a bonus.

    2. “We must destroy the village in order to save it.”

    3. Just blight remediation. That’s all folks.

    4. Wow so Bureau of Land Management, a department that most Americans never even heard of, is actually resorting to scorched Earth tactics just to go after one guy who had the nerve to tell the government to go fuck it’s self?

      Modern life is beyond parody I think.

      1. Does them doing this surprise you in any way whatsoever?

        1. It shouldn’t, but yes it still does. Everytime I think the country has reached peak retard I am once again surprised at how absurd we can get, and still call our selves a free nation.

          Everytime shit like this happens I always wonder what Americans would say if they heard this happened in Russia or China.

          1. Potus would make a speech calling them out for repressing their own citizens and then draw a red line.

    5. You have to admit, they managed the HELL out of that land.

      The Army Corp of Engineers would like to have a word with BLM.

    6. This is apparently SOP. There was another guy who spent the 80s and 90s having this same fight and they did exactly the same to him.

  11. The seal hunt has begun!

    1. “despite the low demand for their fur”

      Yes, I’m sure those bad men are just up their blowing cash on boat gas just for sport, not because they are trying to make a living or anything.

      1. Ain’t no sporran nicer than a sealskin sporran.

        YEAH – I SAID IT!

        1. Ain’t no party like a seal pelt party cause a seal pelt party don’t stop!

  12. Walmart is downsizing its superstores and putting up apartments above their stores

    Not a bad idea, but the average employee would unlikely be able to afford the rent.

    1. One of them going up in DC is like that. It’s a relatively small store (for Walmart) with apartments above it. Not a bad idea, but I wouldn’t want to live directly over a Walmart.

      1. Oh, that’s the one they’re talking about. Wow, the cgi makes the neighborhood look pretty nice (it isn’t).

      2. but I wouldn’t want to live directly over a Walmart.

        Really? Who wouldn’t want to live directly over a Walmart. You could just walk down every night around 10pm and observe the beautiful people.

        /sarc

        1. “Hey babe, come here often? Gallon jugs of wine are three for five dollars tonight. Let’s say we head back up to my place and drink until I’m blind enough to do you? That motorized cart probably can’t make it up the stairs, though.”

        2. This is the store I want to live over (and they do have apartments above it, but no pool, so fuck that). Sashimi grade fish year round just downstairs? Works for me!

          1. Hey I’ve actually been to that store! It was one of the very first places my husband and I saw when we visited Seattle two years ago.

          2. I have to go there often as my daughter adores taro buns.

          3. That’s a good store. Excellent sake selection.

    2. Get ready for the GENTRIFIKASHUN!1!! calls when the locals can’t live there

      1. Some of the comments are bitching about that.

  13. Well this just might be the saddest thing ever. Dear Prudence: Help! My wife is way out of my league and I think she should be allowed to cheat on me

    1. You just found Tony.

    2. Can’t he just lie and say he is some kind of a deviant who gets turned on by it? Admitting to being some kind of deviant is better than that. Hell anything is better than that.

    3. He shall be the first to die in the zombie apocalypse.

      1. Zombie apocalypse? Hell he wouldn’t even survive a squirrel apocalypse.

        1. We had one of those last week.

    4. Prudence’s advice was a real buzz-kill. The letter writer has it right – if your wife is out of your league of course she should be able to cheat on you. OBVIOUS!!

    5. Hasn’t he joined a cuckold support group yet?

    6. Listen, dude. Women are crazy. Just keep laying the pipe like a sewer company on an incentives contract and hope she never comes to her senses.

      1. That’s my approach, worked for 25 years.

        So far…

    7. Good gosh, that is sad. She will cheat on him if he’s got that kind of attitude.

    8. My pick is either the deviant thing or he’s insecure and wants her to be a worse person so he’ll feel better.

  14. El Clasico.
    Real up, while Barca dominating.
    And get a load of Pepe’s hair!

    1. And Sunderland got a point at Man City (& almost got all three). And Palace own at Everton.

      1. As a Liverpool supporter, I would’ve been delighted with Sunderland taking all 3 points against City. But City dropping the two points there with the draw is pretty big as well.

        Four more games. I’ve never been more nervous.

        1. You like to walk alone?

          I won’t shed a tear of Liverpool beat out the Russian Mafia Team for the title.

          1. We’re going up against the Russian Mafia and Dubai oil money. Even if we don’t win the title I’m wholly impressed with this season.

            Though some purchases next year with CL money won’t hurt.

        2. I’m not a City fan but, as someone who was introduced to English football in the 1970s, I have a decades-old disdain for Liverpool and their arrogance in those days. So, a pox on all their houses.

          1. Yeah, but we’ve been mediocre for two decades. Surely old arrogance can be forgiven!

            1. I don’t know, it was pretty extensive and ugly.

              I remember Ray Clemens writing a column one time basically explaining why every goal they gave up one year was not b/c of the oppositions skill but a Liverpool error.

    2. Meaningless, since they’re both going to be in the Champions League next year.

  15. http://www.latimes.com/nation/…..z2z0o728ZR

    Congress waking up to the vulnerability of the power grid. Would have been nice if this would have occurred to them say five years ago when they were blowing $900 billion dollars on “shovel ready jobs”. The country is going to pay a steep price one of these days for letting the retarded kid become President.

    1. He’s not retarded; he’s clean-cut and articulate!

    2. Would have been nice if this would have occurred to them say five years ago when they were blowing $900 billion dollars on “shovel ready jobs”.

      The only “shovel ready” job I was able to identify was burying Krugman alive…..they didn’t take me up on it!

  16. Scientist verify world’s largest single crystal of gold.

    Scientists at Los Alamos National Laboratory (LANL) in the US have confirmed a 7.68 oz (217.78 g) piece of gold is in fact a singular crystal, increasing its value from around US$10,000 to an estimated $1.5 million. The specimen, the largest single crystal piece of gold in the world, was discovered in Venezuela decades ago, but it is only by using advanced probing instruments that experts can now verify its authenticity.

    1. If the USG Imperialist CIA hadn’t robbed Venezuela of that crystal then Chavez could have used it to pay for the Bolivarian Revolution and Maduro wouldn’t be forced to arrest the saboteurs!

    2. They’re using avoirdupois weight to measure gold? What sort of monsters are they? 😉

      1. I like how british currency is still in “Pounds Sterling”. Really demonstrates the theivy nature of inflation.

    3. This is gold, Mr. Bond. All my life I have been in love with it. It’s taste, it’s texture, it’s divine heaviness. I welcome any enterprise that will increase my stock.

      1. No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!

        1. “We’re not so different, you and I….”

    4. How many Courics is that?

    5. Oh, it’s naturally formed? That would have made the headline more exciting.

  17. The Bureau of Land Management (BLM) destroyed water lines and tanks while it took control of the Bundy family’s property in Nevada last week. However, Fox News reports, the orders authorizing the BLM’s actions only authorize the seizing of cattle, not destroying any structures.

    I believe “fuck up his stuff” is implied in the orders authorizing stealing his stuff.

    1. “And I went up there, I said, “Shrink, I want to kill. I mean, I wanna, I
      Wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and
      Guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, Kill,
      KILL, KILL.” And I started jumpin up and down yelling, “KILL, KILL,” and
      He started jumpin up and down with me and we was both jumping up and down
      Yelling, “KILL, KILL.” And the sargent came over, pinned a medal on me,
      Sent me down the hall, said, “You’re our boy.”

      1. ….and they all moved to the other side of the room.

        “AND creatin’ a disturbance!” And they all came back! And we had a great time fillin’ out the forms and playin’ with the pencils….

        A.G. is a pinhead, but I love that album.

    2. Well, as that great expert on the judicious use of government power, Harry Reid, says, you can’t just have an American people that break the law and walk away from it.

      1. Is there any law you could break that the government wouldn’t be willing to send armed men to basically execute you for?

        1. Nope. Government is force. Even if you break a minor rule/law, say they fine you. Then you refuse to pay. Then they put out a warrant on you, which means you will be physically hauled in front of a judge. If you resist, they will beat or even kill you.

          All government action is, at the end of the day, backed by force. Therefore there is no way you can defy it that couldn’t end in armed men coming for you.

        2. Ultimately even a parking ticket is a death threat.

  18. Rand Paul: Where I Stand on Iran

    I am not for containment in Iran. Let me repeat that, since no one seems to be listening closely: I am unequivocally not for containing Iran.

    I am also not for announcing that the United States should never contain Iran. That was the choice I was given a few months ago and is the scenario being misunderstood by some in the news.

    To be against a “we will never contain Iran” resolution is not the same as being for containment of a nuclear Iran. Rather, it means that foreign policy is complicated and doesn’t fit neatly within a bumper sticker, headline or tweet.

    Those who reduce it to such do a disservice to their reporting and, potentially, to the security of our nation.

    To some people this may seem to be a nuance, but it is, in fact, an incredibly important detail in the consideration of war.

    Nuance has been a bit lacking in our foreign policy of late. Whether through preemptive war or “red lines” that were crossed without consequence, the extremes of foreign policy have had their way, and it has not worked.

    Ronald Reagan was once criticized for not announcing in advance his policy toward particular situations. He was accused of not having a concrete foreign policy. His response was that he simply chose not to announce his policies in advance.

    1. Oh, sure, his reasons would make sense to a well educated, thoughtful and considerate electorate, but this is the 21st century. If you can’t be convincing in 140 characters or a ten second sound bite you might as well shut the hell up.

      1. Right, the correct quote is:

        “I’ll never let Iran get a bomb!”

        The sheeple can grasp that, or so they think.

  19. When are we going to ban ban eyedrops?

    1. How do you only get six years for that?

      1. By being a pretty woman? (I didn’t read the article to see her photo.)

        1. She ain’t that pretty.

        2. Someone needs to get their eyes checked.

        3. Nope, that ain’t it.

        4. There is something definitely wrong with her face. And pretty isn’t it.

          1. There is something definitely wrong with her face. And pretty isn’t it.

            Broken eye socket. Possibly multiple times. Got a slight droop from that myself. Her’s is really bad, though.

      2. How do you only get six years for that?

        By living in Canada. Canadian sentences are considerably shorter than those for similar offenses in the US.

        1. By living in Canada. Canadian sentences are considerably shorter than those for similar offenses in the US.

          Unless you do something really crazy like kill someone in self-defense with a firearm.

          Then you can expect life.

          Britain is pretty similar in that regard. Something, something, Agents of the Total State, something.

  20. Study: The happiest couples are those who snuggle less than an inch apart while sleeping

    It is possible to tell how happy a couple are together by measuring the distance between them as they sleep, scientists have found.
    Partners who slept less than an inch apart were more likely to be content with their relationship than those maintaining a gap wider than 30 inches, a study concluded.

    In addition, more couples who made physical contact through the night were happier than those with a “no touching” rule while trying to sleep.

    The survey of 1,000 people, conducted as part of the Edinburgh International Science Festival, also revealed the most popular sleep positions of couples, with 42 per cent lying back-to-back, 31% facing the same direction and 4% facing one another.

    Twelve per cent of couples spent the night less than an inch apart while just 2 per cent were separated by more than 30in.

    Professor Richard Wiseman, a psychologist of the University of Hertfordshire who led the study, said: “One of the most important differences involved touching. Ninety four per cent of couples who spent the night in contact with one another were happy with their relationship, compared to just 68% of those that didn’t touch.

    1. Couples who like touching each other are also happy with one another? AMAZING!

    2. with 42 per cent lying back-to-back, 31% facing the same direction and 4% facing one another.

      And what do the other 23% do? 69?

      1. I suppose they love smelling the feet of their lovers.

      2. Sleeping on their backs/stomachs?

    3. Professor Richard Wiseman, a psychologist of the University of Hertfordshire who led the study, said: “One of the most important differences involved touching. Ninety four per cent of couples who spent the night in contact with one another were happy with their relationship, compared to just 68% of those that didn’t touch.

      “I showed these results to my wretched harpy of a wife, and now we sleep in separate rooms, which could provide further confirmation of this hypothesis…”

      1. Wifey and I don’t have any rules about that, and it changes randomly. We typically start out cuddly, but I tend to be a flip flopper in my sleep, so it’s never the same.

    4. So my wife is super happy, but it makes me grumpy as fuck.

    5. I’d like to propose that those most interested in cuddling closely are those who radiate heat like a fucking furnace.

      1. My wife is always freezing cold, and the instant she gets into bed her frigid little feet start worming their way over to suck the heat out of my long-suffering flesh.

        1. I would absolutely take that over having to bust out the spring duvet in mid-winter because I’m waking up sweating profusely.

          1. Maybe you should stop sleeping with hairy Russian guys who eat a stick of butter before bed, jesse. Try and have some standards, OK? I only sleep with hairy Russian chicks who don’t eat a stick of butter before bed.

            1. I prefer to frame it as “broad tastes” rather than “low/nonexistent standards.”

              Besides I’ve never slept with any Russians. I almost did in Dublin, but there were scheduling conflicts.

      2. Mrs. Gin is a nuclear-powered furnace.

        1. I’m mentally adding a kaiju element to your family stories as we speak.

        2. Mrs. Bobarian is the heat-sink to my over-clocked CPU.

    6. a “no touching” rule while trying to sleep

      Ok, that’s just really weird. I can just imagine not being happy with a partner who puts up a barbed wire fence in the middle of the bed.

  21. Tax “Myths”

    Myth #1: Progressive income tax systems encourage people to work less or avoid promotions because if you make enough more money to cross into a higher tax bracket, you’ll actually be taking home less money after paying taxes.

    Myth #2: Flat taxes are fairer because everyone pays the same amount.

    Myth #3: No-income tax states have low taxes and still manage to get by just fine. They are proof that we can still have a thriving economy while keeping taxes low.

    See if you can spot all the logic errors.

    1. The first two are bad, but the third is beyond crazy to me. Does this person think high taxes lead to a thriving economy? Why not tax everything at 100%? We’ll be rich!

    2. Deductions are spending. Deductions are equivalent to the government writing a check to a person or corporation.

      No.

      And their answer to Myth #1 misses the point entirely, it doesn’t matter if we have marginal tax rates. Because people make marginal decisions about the extra work they would do for higher pay.

      1. Yep. Myth #1 is total strawman.

    3. Flat taxes are fairer because everyone pays the same amount.

      So when and where was this tried and proven to be a myth?

      1. It’s another strawman. Flat taxes pay the same rate, not amount.

        1. Is it a strawman or pure ignorance of the difference?

    4. Myth #1 is exactly what my wife and I are trying to achieve this year. No overtime for us. Sooo..not a myth.

    5. Myth #1: Debunking an obvious fallacy that no one familiar with economics would make, while ignoring the effect of raising tax theft on marginal preferences for work versus leisure.

      Myth #2: Failing to understand the subjectivity of the term “fair”,, and thinking that calling theft “taxes” somehow makes that theft “fair”, even though no rational person would talk about “fair theft”.

      Myth #3: Failing to observe the obvious correlation between economic vibrancy and low tax rates.

      Myth #3:

  22. Jezebel: We need to teach our teenage girls to masturbate

    I can’t help but wonder how many women are waiting for permission…How many women are still living in shame and either not masturbating or feeling so guilty about it, it hardly feels worth it?

    …Orgasms are good for you. And masturbation means no partner or drama required. Have a migraine? Masturbate. Feeling stuck creatively? Masturbate. Feeling blue? Masturbate. Can’t sleep? Masturbate. Mired in stress? Low self-esteem? Sex drive in low gear? Chronic pain? Masturbation is good for what ails you.

    It’s also good for what doesn’t ail you. It feels good to slowly tease yourself until you can’t take it anymore. It feels good to rub or buzz or pound yourself into a frenzy full-steam ahead. It feels good to get off and it’s empowering to be able to do it for yourself. It’s your equipment. There is absolutely, positively, no reason not to use it.

    Which brings me to my point ? masturbation is really important. It’s really important for all women and it’s equally important for teenage girls.

    It’s vital for them to know their bodies. It’s imperative for them to have a way to relieve stress. But more than anything, it’s paramount that they know they don’t need anyone else to bring them pleasure. They can “take care of business” all by themselves. No risk of pregnancy or disease or slut shaming or anything.

    1. If sex education is based on the idea that they’re going to do it anyhow, so why shouldn’t we give them guidance and advice, then why should we teach about alcohol that way?

      1. Er, “why don’t we”, not “why should we”.

        1. we should.

      2. I agree, I don’t think it’s a bad idea or notion. But the writing is just so…oddly personal.

        Why can’t they just make a logical case for teaching masturbation without pouring out their personal anxieties?

        1. Dude. It’s Jezebel. You just answered your own question.

          1. The real funny thing about Jezebel is that they endeavor to break down sexist stereotypes about women while reinforcing the stereotype that women are emotionally fragile and require schmaltzy articles like that to absorb an idea.

            1. It’s just another form of projection, dude.

    2. Jezebel: We need to teach our teenage girls to masturbate

      What’s the salary and when do I start?

      1. There’s already an app for that: HappyPlayTime. Your job has been outsourced to robots before it even began.

        1. That’s a very happy vulva, they have there.

      2. I volunteer.

    3. The next generation of lonely, self-loathing, unfulfilled, feminist blog writers ain’t gonna mold itself…

    4. Funny how 99% of teenage boys have figured this out on their own.

      1. Uh, yeah. I get that girls are a little more difficult because we’re all different in what works, but it’s not rocket science.

      2. The other 1% were born with flippers?

    5. Have a migraine? Masturbate.

      What happened to “Not tonight, dear, I have a headache?”

      Anyway, is this actually a thing? Women/young women not knowing how to masturbate?

    6. They have a name for adults who want to help young people masturbate; sexual predator.

      1. Joyclen Elders is a sexual predator?

        1. Tell you what. Why don’t go down to a middle school and start asking the kids there if they want to learn how to masturbate properly. I am thinking you will end up on some kind of a list.

          1. He’s into pickup artist nonsense. Hanging out at middle school playgrounds is like, lesson 1.

            1. I thought rule number 1 was never let a fat kid get their hands on you?

              Or am I mixing up rules?

              1. Rule 2 is never let a fat boy get his hands on you. Fat girls are are vital to the PUA.

                1. Fat girls are are vital to the PUA.

                  and Charlez

            2. He’s into pickup artist nonsense. Hanging out at middle school playgrounds is like, lesson 1.

              Do you take all your cues from Lindy West, or is it just this one?

            3. I hear PUAs practice their “Gibbs slaps” on teenage girls so that they don’t get beaten up.

              1. Rule 3: hit your woman. This reminds you that you are a big tough guy and causes her brain to release slutsulin, the slut hormone. You don’t have to hurt her, but feel free.

                1. Rule 0: women are the enemy.

                  1. Did I just accidentally end up on the comment section of a Marcotte article?

                    Cause there’s enough straw in here to feed Epi and Warty’s moms.

              2. I hear PUAs practice their “Gibbs slaps” on teenage girls so that they don’t get beaten up.

                I’m familar with the thread you’re referring to, so if you could just point me to some literature to verify, I’d be grateful.

                Or am i to believe that all libertarians masturbate with their own feces, just because you do?

                1. Humor impairment and butthurt when your ridiculous cult is made fun of. What. A. Surprise.

                  1. In my experience anybody who makes a point of telling people what a great pick up artist he is is probably full of shit and suffering from serious self esteem issues.

                    1. In my experience anybody who makes a point of telling people what a great pick up artist he is is probably full of shit and suffering from serious self esteem issues.

                      More than likely. Who did that?

                    2. Just making an observation Coeus. Don’t get your panties into a twist.

                    3. Just making an observation Coeus. Don’t get your panties into a twist

                      Untwisting now. It was just a little jarring to see Lindy West quotes without the normal purification rituals I undergo before I browse Jezebel.

                    4. Technically, if they are reasonably proficient at being a PUA, they are into picking up WOMEN with serious self esteem issues.

                    5. Damn, tarran. Going straight for the throat. You’re supposed to toy with them for a little while. Haven’t you ever watched a cat murder a bunny?

                    6. How am I going for the jugular?

                      If Coeus were one of those pathetically insecure guys who judges his self worth on whether other men saw him as having banged lots of women, then I would be going for the jugular.

                      But if he isn’t, then it’s merely an observation, apropos of nothing.

                    7. That applies not just to pickup artists, but to every blowhard whose conversational repertoire consists of variations of, “I’m so great.”

                  2. Humor impairment and butthurt when your ridiculous cult is made fun of. What. A. Surprise.

                    If it isn’t funny when Lindy West does it, why on earth would you think it’s funny when you do?

                    Your comment reeks of “how dare you respond to a random off-topic attack?”

                    1. I love it when you keep struggling. Just like you with women, amirite?

                    2. I love it when you keep struggling. Just like you with women, amirite?

                      Show me on the doll where the PUA touched you, Epi.

                    3. Epi, you’re just jealous that Couscous has been banging Morgan Fairchild instead of YOU while derpfee’s away.

                      Na na na na, booooooo, boo!

          2. I am thinking you will end up on some kind of a list.

            True, but I have a penis. I can get on that list for a lot less than that.

    7. Who the fuck doesn’t know how to masturbate? It’s not fucking rocket science. It’s pretty easy to figure out that when you do X, it feels good.

      1. Dude, its Jezebel. If there is any woman out there who was too stupid to figure it out on her own, it is a pretty good bet said woman is now writing for Jezebel.

      2. Girls do seem to have more hangups about those sorts of things than boys generally do, for whatever reason.
        Still, I don’t think it is a problem that requires a national policy discussion.

        1. Girls do seem to have more hangups about those sorts of things than boys generally do, for whatever reason.

          Has to be cultural. Logistically, they have an easier time.

          1. Logistically, they have an easier time.

            Hardly. A penis is essentially a gigantic clitoris. Easier to masturbate by touching the most sensitive spots when the target is so much bigger.

            1. I was thinking more along the lines of cleanup and the ability to stay fully clothed.

        2. They also seem to have more hangups about discussing taking a crap at work. That doesn’t mean they do it less.

      3. It’s not fucking rocket science

        It’s pocket rocket science.

    8. If girls can’t figure out by themselves how to punch the little man in the boat, then they don’t deserve the fun of it. It’s not that fucking complicated.

      1. Boat? What boat?

        1. Boat, canoe, kayak, whatever. Just so long as it isn’t a trawler.

        2. C’mon, Brandon, don’t make us Google “vag canoe” for you.

          1. Crap, apparently “vag canoe” has another significance in Internet land. Never mind.

            Sometimes I hate the future.

    9. Jezebel is usually better at following the playbook. It’s not enough to to say masturbation is good. They should follow that up with masturbation is mandatory, these are the approved fantasies and frequency, and anything less is false consciousness.

    10. Have a migraine? Masturbate.

      Wouldn’t that increase blood flow and make the migraine worse?

      1. Wouldn’t that increase blood flow and make the migraine worse?

        For me, it staves it off for about another 30 minutes. Gives you time to prep for the next 4 hours of fetal position.

      2. It’s a writer for Jezebel; logic is not their strong suit, but they are capable of getting on some pretty impressive rolls.

      3. Orgasm releases endorphins which counter pain.

    11. Look, when has it ever been necessary to teach this?

      Our public school system has made us into a nation of bleating morons.

    12. It’s another sign of the patriarchy that boys don’t need any help or encouragement to start jackin it.

    13. There seems to be this idea that masturbation makes you less likely to pursue sex. Without going into detail why, I’m going to say I strongly disagree.

      1. There seems to be this idea that masturbation makes you less likely to pursue sex. Without going into detail why, I’m going to say I strongly disagree.

        I’ve been told that before. But it does work that way for guys. Odd that a woman writer would think that way.

        1. You have trouble wanting to have sex? No wonder your self esteem is low enough to try PU”A” crap.

          1. Yes, moron. If you wack off all the time, you’re not gonna want to jump through all the dating hoops as much.

            But if you make your swipe in a mostly dead thread, the cool kids won’t necessarily see it. You’ll have to make your mark earlier.

            Try Jezebel for material. It seems to be popular with some people here, for some reason.

            You guys are like a half step from “Roadz!!!Somalia!!!”.

      2. I’ve seen the exact opposite correlation, and it’s ridiculously strong.

    14. I will step up to teach the nation’s girls to masturbate. Someone has to do it.

  23. Robyn Urback: If this is the new women’s movement, it’s no wonder girls don’t want to call themselves ‘feminists’

    The German term Fremdscham describes a type of proxy-embarrassment; it’s the feeling of shame you have on behalf of others, often those who don’t realize they should be embarrassed for themselves. I can’t think of a term that better applies to the scene that unfolded at the University of Ottawa two weeks ago.

    Professor Janice Fiamengo had planned to speak on men’s issues and rape culture as part of a talk organized by the Canadian Association for Equality (CAFE). The lecture, called “What’s Equality Got To Do With It? Men’s Issues and Feminism’s Double Standards,” was intended to dispel the notion of rape culture, according to Fiamengo, as well as discuss issues such as suicide by young men and custody rights after divorce. But some student activists decided Fiamengo’s lecture was not appropriate, so they took it upon themselves to shut it down.

  24. Rapper cuts off penis, jumps off balcony in failed suicide attempt

    Christ Bearer, a member of the rap group Northstar, cut his penis off and jumped off a balcony in a suicide attempt this morning, according to reports.

    The rapper affiliated with Wu-Tang Clan, whose real name is Andre Johnson, was rushed to a Los Angeles hospital early Wednesday, TMZ reports.

    He allegedly cut off his penis and jumped off a second story balcony in what police believe was an attempt to take his own life for unknown reasons.

    Officials were called to an apartment building in North Hollywood, Calif., at around 1:00 a.m. today and found Andre Johnson on the sidewalk critically injured.

    Johnson was rushed by ambulance to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center; it is not known if doctors are able to or are attempting to reattach his penis.

    Second floor? He’s willing to mutilate himself but not jump from the roof or a higher level?

    1. Maybe he’s afraid of heights?

    2. Dude has to be on drugs or something. I mean… why the hell would you do that?

      1. Why cut off your dick? At least keep it as an insurance policy incase jumping from 20 feet up doesn’t finish you off. Unless he is insane he had to be on something.

        Or maybe he accidentally cut his dick off and did what any man would do at that point and commit seppuku. But since he is an idiot (he accidentally cut off his dick), he jumped from the second floor and failed.

        1. Or maybe he accidentally cut his dick off

          How do you accidentally cut your dick off?

      2. The Bath Saltz?

        Joking aside, yeah, poor bastard is nuts and probably self-medicating.

    3. Dude’s been reading his Jim Thompson.

      (One internet cookie to anyone who knows what I’m referring to)

    4. Disassociatives are bad news.

  25. Climate change: our ‘greatest challenge’?

    Thomas Stocker, co-chair of the IPCC group that examines the physical basis to climate change, described climate change as ‘the greatest challenge of our time’.
    The message from the IPCC, delivered, it seems, with brass balls, is that the science is settled, the debate is over, and everything must come second to tackling global warming. Except, science is never settled ? it must remain open to new evidence and fresh challenges to accepted thinking, or else it collapses into dogma. More specifically, the fact that we don’t fully understand the climate system is illustrated by the fact that scientists can’t agree on why atmospheric temperatures are not rising. Some researchers even believe temperatures are still rising, just not where the thermometers are.
    RELATED CATEGORIES
    Environment
    Science and technology
    For Stocker to claim that climate change is our ‘greatest challenge’ illustrates the cut-off nature of climate-change politics. Billions of people still live on a dollar per day or less; nearly a billion people don’t always have enough to eat; even more have no access to electricity; and many millions die each year from infectious diseases that have long since disappeared from the rich world.

    1. Some researchers even believe temperatures are still rising, just not where the thermometers are.

      Those temperatures must have been paid off by the Kochs!

      1. The hulk exists we just haven’t pissed off the right person yet.

        1. I thought he was always angry.

          1. Who couldn’t be in this society of greedy teathuglicans and racist Koch funded gun toters?

            We’re just one Ran Paul President away from The Hulk getting angry enough.

            1. Luckily leftist rage manifests itself in angry facebook posts and tumblr accounts, rather than as an enormous green rage monster.

    2. The message from the IPCC, delivered, it seems, with brass balls, is that the science is settled, the debate is over

      Those brave brave bureaucrats.

    3. I keep hearing these totalitarian fuckers call Global Warming ‘Climate Change’.

      Is there evidence of climate change? Everywhere I look weather events and the temperatures are statistically consistent with history; in other words there is no evidence of it at all.

      Am I missing something?

      1. Am I missing something?

        Yes, warming. Hence…

        It’s the perfect con. There is no condition that proves it false.

        1. This. It’s the Original Sin of the Gaia religion. Human economic activity, as opposed to knowledge, has offended Gaia. Therefore, we must pay.

          1. Fem-puter: After lengthy femputations, I, Femputer, have decided the fate of the men. Femputer sentences them to death…
            [everyone gasps]
            Fem-puter: By snu-snu!
            Fry, Captain Zapp Brannigan, Bender: Yeah! Woo-hoo!
            [Kif starts sobbing]
            Captain Zapp Brannigan: [to Kif] What are you? Gay?

            1. Captain Zapp Brannigan: The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

              Funniest line ever.

    4. RELATED CATEGORIES
      Environment
      Science and technology

      Loosely related?

  26. Raw Story exchange of the day:

    MynameisBlarney ? an hour ago
    The Klan is a de facto terrorist organization.
    IMHO, they have no rights to free speech.
    In fact, I believe they should be considered enemy combatants.

    Ghost_of_Bastiat MynameisBlarney ? an hour ago
    Then you are no believer in civil liberties. May your kind never be allowed power over us.

    David Young ? 32 minutes ago
    terrorists have no Right to civil liberties klan boy!

    Sedition is NOT Legal, and Sedition can ONLY be accomplished through SPEECH !

    And that MEANS very LITERALLY that NOT everyone has the Right to FREE SPEECH, such as LUNATICS losing it on a street corner, that Act of Speech wins you the “Baker Act” !

    to put it simple enough for you to get it, Lunatics do NOT have Right to Free Speech!

    the Civil liberties were NOT invented so imbeciles can feel Intelligent!

    Really that last line.

    1. More proof there is no such thing as peak irony.

      1. One feels compelled to ask: “Do you feel intelligent?”

    2. I guess it’s a good thing the “Baker Act” is only a Florida law.

      Also, nothing says YOU ARE not a LUNATIC like CAPITALIZING lots of WORDS.

    3. That guy isn’t a fascist or anything. And I would bet you $10,000 that he calls himself some sort of “liberal” and would state unequivocally in another situation that he is a civil rights supporter.

      1. Things got out of hand Episiarch. Its just that God Damned Johnson in the White House.

      2. It is too bad the the word “liberal” has been so destroyed by these people. It is sad that liberal today means the exact opposite in most respects.

        1. I think we can almost take “liberal” back at this point.

          1. For all intents and purposes, we have already taken it back. It’s just that the media and proglotards don’t know it.

      3. I imagine this guy is a teenager–this attitude is the perfect combination of the typical teenage megalomania (“It’s so obvious how easy it is to create the perfect society, why doesn’t everyone just listen to me?”) crossed with post-9/11 politics.

        1. Very good analysis, except one detail. That megalomania is not just for teenagers.

    4. Sedition is NOT Legal

      Sedition is NOT Legal

      Did I miss a new sedition act being passed? Besides USA PATRIOT, I suppose.

    5. the Civil liberties were NOT invented so imbeciles can feel Intelligent!

      One generation of David Youngs is enough.

      P.S.- “the Civil liberties” were invented? Was that before or after the Wright Brothers?

      1. TOP.MEN invented them. Didn’t you know?

      2. They were invented in the 1960s you stupid racist Tea Bagging Bastard.

        1. Government took them away so they could reinvent them.

      3. It reminds me of this. “Stephen Hawking then invented the string theory.”

        1. I hate you.

      4. About 1946 is my guess.

    6. Here’s the article

      Basically Maddow wondered why the government isn’t doing enough to fight right-wing terrorism. Delve into the comments if you dare.

      1. So basically, Maddow would have been a Loyalist?

      2. In 1987, 15 neo-Nazi leaders of the Aryan Nation were arrested and charged with sedition.

        Wait, so sedition is an actual crime with a law on the books and everything?

      3. One comment answering the question in the headline:

        Because they’ve infiltrated the very entities that are supposed to investigate such things.

        I’ll be he accuses those crazy right wingers for having some goofy conspiracy theories.

    7. I am sure he thinks he knows what he is trying to say, but really that is just incoherent.

      Let me take a stab at it;

      “If you belong to a group that I disapprove of or say things that I disagree with then Obama should drone your ass”

      Is that better?

    8. Alex, what is “Illinois Nazis?”

    9. I don’t know how you do it.

  27. Is it not obvious to everyone that Mikey Bloomberg is batshit crazy?

    He thinks he can motivate people with money to defeat people who are motivated by principle. He has no understanding of the situation whatsoever.

    Keep pouring your money out Mikey.

    1. All billionaires are crazy. They’re surrounded by asskissers all day long and have long since forgotten that they’re nothing more than tailless apes. Bloomberg in particular strikes me as the sort who hasn’t cracked a book since he was a college sophomore.

  28. Holy shit. Dude convicted 14 years ago lives productive life until clerical error is discovered and SWAT team shows up at his house. Surely, leaving a man hanging for 14 years through no error of his own is cruel and unusual punishment, right?

    1. The solution is for the governor to commute is sentence. A big part of why our justice system is so fucked up is governors only commute sentences of idiot sons of cronies who give campaign donations. They never do justice with the power.

    1. WSM is pure awesomeness. Collect a bunch of extremely tall gentlemen, get them as roided up as their endocrine systems will allow, and have them throw implements and pull cars. Sublime. I just wish they would return to using platforms full of cheerleaders as implements like in the good old days.

      “Belts take strength away from your muscles,”

      Not true. When you use a belt correctly, it allows your abdominal muscles to contract harder than they would otherwise be able to, thus making them stronger.

      1. We’re not here to talk!

        We’re here to PAHMP

        *CLAP*

        YOU up!!

    2. Haf??r has all that Viking charisma, but my favorite is still Brian Shaw.

      1. I’m still partial to this picture of Haf??r

      2. Interesting stance

    3. So that is who’s playing the Mountain this season.

  29. “Former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg is going to spend $50 million this year trying to get gun-control supporters to the polls. He’s so humble about his efforts to treat people like children! He told The New York Times in an interview, “If there is a God, when I get to heaven I’m not stopping to be interviewed. I am heading straight in. I have earned my place in heaven. It’s not even close.”

    Not quite.

    He will be spending eternity in the hot place with the barrel of a 105 Mm howitzer rammed up his butt.

    1. And the only liquid nearby is a 128 gallon Big Gulp with a cigarette for a straw…

    2. There’s a scene we’d all like to see.

  30. “If people show up with backpacks despite our guidelines they should expect that they may be once, twice or repeatedly checked,” Undersecretary for Homeland Security Kurt Schwartz said. “I ask people who are thinking about bringing backpacks to think about the person who they’re standing next to. This year, we can all understand someone is going to feel anxious, nervous to be standing next to a person with a backpack. Why do that this year? I think that’s the bottom line.”

    What

    The

    Fuck?

    Land of the free, home of the brave.

    1. Totemism is so 10,000 BC

    2. It’s a good thing that plastic explosives can’t be shaped into purse-sized objects or line a coat with.

  31. “The Bureau of Land Management (BLM) destroyed water lines and tanks while it took control of the Bundy family’s property in Nevada last week. However, Fox News reports, the orders authorizing the BLM’s actions only authorize the seizing of cattle, not destroying any structures.”

    Ah HA! So the Bundy’s had tanks TOO!!

  32. “If there is a God, when I get to heaven I’m not stopping to be interviewed. I am heading straight in. I have earned my place in heaven. It’s not even close.”

    Bloomie, there is a special place in hell for people with egos like yours.

    Go straight to hell. Do not pass God, do not collect $200 million.

    1. I bet he’s mentioned by name in Dante.

    2. It’s not even close.

      This sounds suspiciously like one of our more constipated regulars.

      1. Bloomberg’s Douche?

  33. “The Bureau of Land Management (BLM) destroyed water lines and tanks while it took control of the Bundy family’s property in Nevada last week. However, Fox News reports, the orders authorizing the BLM’s actions only authorize the seizing of cattle, not destroying any structures.”

    Thug behavior.

    I’m sure the perpetrators at the BLM will be indicted for the willful destruction of that property any day now.

    In the meantime, there are no good reasons not to privatize all the BLM land than anyone wishes to bid on. No doubt, the ranchers who lease land for cattle should be given the first opportunity to purchase what they lease, and, otherwise, environmentalist groups like the Nature Conservancy should be free to bid on whatever land they want to protect–for the sake of wild horses, buffalo, wolves, or leprechauns, for all anyone should care.

    Regardless, the BLM is considered a horrible nuisance by many ranchers and irresponsible stewards of the land by environmentalists, and this occasion of the BLM’s thuggish behavior makes for an excellent time to introduce legislation to privatize as much of the BLM’s land as possible.

  34. OK so should we roll with it or what?

    http://www.GotsDatAnon.tk

  35. Bloomberg, with commentary:

    “If there is a God,

    There ain’t.

    when I get to heaven

    Another “if” here would vastly improve your accuracy

    I’m not stopping to be interviewed. I am heading straight in.

    So, moderately exclusive nightclubs have bouncers guarding the doors, but heaven is going to be unguarded?

    I have earned my place in heaven. It’s not even close.”

    The first two letters of the noun above, “heaven”, are accurate.

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