A.M. Links: Possible MH370 Debris Spotted, Another Obamacare Delay, Secret Service Agents Sent Home After Night in Amsterdam

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Credit: scorche / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA
  • Malaysia's acting transport minister says that 122 objects which could be debris from missing MH370 have been spotted by satellite.
  • Russia has accused Ukraine of refusing to let Russian pilots and passengers disembark from flights arriving in Kiev.
  • The Obamacare open enrollment deadline has been pushed back for those who say that they began the signup process but do not finish in time.
  • North Korea has fired two medium-range missiles, which landed in the sea between North Korea and Japan.
  • Three Secret Service agents have been sent home from the Netherlands after spending a night drinking in Amsterdam ahead of President Obama's arrival.
  • A 74-year-old woman has been freed after spending 32 years behind bars for a murder she claims she did not commit.

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  1. udfqwer ncpug4mgx4ctq4

    1. Hello.

      Oh, look. The AM links are on time today.

      /narrows eyes.

        1. huh…that sounds eerily similar to “Salaam alaikum”

      1. Lies, the Links cannot be on time.

        1. The Links are never late, nor are they early. They arrive precisely when they mean to.

          1. To paraphrase a jackass wizard. I never liked him, too smug and cryptic.

  2. The Obamacare open enrollment deadline has been pushed back for those who say that they began the signup process but do not finish in time.

    It depends on what your definition of deadline is.

    1. A living deadline, so to speak.

      1. LOL

        The Obama administration will extend the March 31 open enrollment deadline for people who say they tried to sign-up for coverage on the new healthcare exchanges but failed to complete the process on time.

        “There are those who say they tried to sign-up for coverage ….”

        And — we are nowhere *near* peak retard on this abomination.

        1. If you like your sign-up process you can stay in it for as long as you like.

      2. An Undeadline. Oppa Zombie style.

      3. A living deadline, so to speak.

        Best oxymoron ever.

    2. The Obamacare open enrollment deadline has been pushed back for those who say that they began the signup process but do not finish in time.

      Is there a different deadline for people who can use tenses properly?

      1. Since time is obviously elastic, we don’t need no stinkin’ tenses. Besides, not all languages have tenses, you Indo-European-centric bigot.

        1. The health care law was written in a language with tenses, not Perl or C++.

          1. they began the signup process but do not finish in time

            This is an outrage! What about those who started the process but did not finish in space? Where is their accomodation?

            Dimensionism is immoral.

          2. It certainly has tense language.

        2. Time is a flat circle. Now fetch me some more booze and cigs.

              1. Time is an arrow. I shot it in the air, I know not where it went.

        3. Since time is obviously elastic,

          And here I thought time was spandex.
          So close… so close…

      2. Good point, Ted.

        People who say “I be try to signing up” or “I not finish” have their deadlines pushed back (forward?) to the next Debt Ceiling Raising.

        1. I read it as the deadline is extended until time runs out. Which is to say, until the end of time.

    3. It’s the law of the land, except when it isn’t.

      1. If you like your rule of law, you can keep your rule of law. PERIOD.

    4. It appears this deadline is really a redline.

      1. Or a deadline in the sand. Kick sand over it and draw another one.

    5. So the deadline is moved for people who make an unverifiable claim?

      1. for people who make an unverifiable claim?

        Paul Krugman will qualify.

  3. Three Secret Service agents have been sent home from the Netherlands after spending a night drinking in Amsterdam ahead of President Obama’s arrival.

    The lesson? Might as well get prostitutes.

    1. Roman Empire.

    2. Gotta ask. How can the SS do this and is this normal?

      1. If it’s like any other Service, then yes – law enforcement fancies itself like the military and sets down “orders” before “big operations”, some of which surely include, “don’t drink the night before”

      2. How can the SS do this

        Easily. And, on your nickel.

        and is this normal?

        It sure seems that way. One agent? Hard to generalize. Three? This ain’t a one-off. This is a tribal/cultural thing.

        1. Ziss iz not how we did it in zee old SS.

    3. Amsterdam? Just be glad Obama wasn’t visiting Thailand.

  4. Tiger That Attacked ‘Siegfried and Roy’ Star Dies

    http://www.nbcnews.com/pop-cul…..ies-n62171
    Q) What do Siegfried and the tiger have in common?
    A) They both know what Roy tastes like.

    1. Tiger’s last words in Welsh accent.

      ‘He taste like pork.’

  5. Woman Claims Police Forced Her To Poop In Yard

    http://tampa.cbslocal.com/2014…..p-in-yard/
    Ew.

    1. Everyone poops.

      1. You’re a naughty child, and that’s concentrated evil coming out the back of you.

    2. Haven’t looked at TFA.

      Did the cops then bust her for indecent exposure or something?

      1. *** looks at TFA ***

        No. But there’s a bathroom in the officers’ truck!

    3. Shouldn’t that be…

      “Florida Woman poops in yard while police search home for meth”

      /sensationalist outside-Florida press

      1. “Armed thugs ransack home for unfavored pharmacuticals, prevent resident from using bathroom inside.”

  6. Russia has accused Ukraine of refusing to let Russian pilots and passengers disembark from flights arriving in Kiev.

    Any more Russkies in Ukraine means Putin has grounds to invade.

    1. They’re taking “no boots on the ground” quite literally.

      1. See also Kabul, Christmas Day 1979…

    2. While Moldova is screaming, “Invade us please you dirty Russians. Invade us hard!”

  7. ‘I blew her head off… that was awesome!’ Devastated family claims cop shot their beloved dog Cali dead for no reason and then gloated about it
    WARNING: GRAPHIC IMAGES
    Cali the pit bull was gunned down by officer Brice Woolley after she jumped over her garden fence in Ardmore, Oklahoma last week
    Woolley said watching her collar fly into the air after shooting her in the head was awesome, according to Cali’s owner, Sarah Brown
    Brown is now calling for justice and supporters want Woolley fired
    But the police department said the dog was acting aggressively and officers feared she would hurt someone

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..esome.html

    Woolley informed the animal control that he had shot the dog, adding: ‘We’ll just write in the report that she tried to attack you and others in the neighborhood’, according to witnesses.

    You show me a police report, and I’ll show you a work of fiction loosely based on fact.

    1. I have a feeling none of that is on tape? šŸ™

      1. Nope. Just a score of witnesses, all of whom are saying the same thing. Thus they are all guilty of conspiracy against that fine police officer.

    2. Oh, look… Tulpa is pretending to be Australian:

      Daily_Maim_n_Destroy, Sydney, Australia, 6 hours ago
      1. It is not “he” or “she”, animals are “it’. They are not humans, stop worshipping them. 2. If the owner cared about the animal so much, it should have looked after it, and made sure that it did not get out and harass humans. 3. Those humans have rights as well. And they are not jumping fences attacking people. The exercise of those rights involves sending a law enforcement officer over. 4. When the dog jumps over the fence, again proving that owner’s disrespect for both dog and humans, and approaches an officer, the officer might just resolve all issues with one bullet. The neighbourhood will be safer and quieter.

      1. 3. Those humans have rights as well. And they are not jumping fences attacking people.

        He doesn’t follow the exploits of the new professionals, it seems.

      2. “A lucky shot, sir.”

      3. the officer might just resolve all issues with one bullet. The neighbourhood will be safer

        Nothing says safe neighborhood like a guy with below average IQ firing a gun at bouncy dogs. I’m sure he carefully checked what was behind the target before firing.

  8. Pawn broker claims local police harassed him after he put up a sign warning about a speed trap near his business

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..iness.html
    Says the cop no longer works for the department. I wonder what department he works for now.

    1. The one that decapitates dogs, or maybe the make people poop one.

      1. The one that decapitates dogs, or maybe the make people poop one.

        So, animal control

  9. Multiple sclerosis patient ‘strangled and beaten in violent gang rape’ says police treated her case like it was a joke and even asked her if she was a prostitute
    The alleged victim identified as Kris, says she was raped December 5 after falling asleep on a bus and missing her stop
    She was trying to find a bus back to Hamilton, New Jersey when she was taken to an abandoned house and gang raped by two men
    She was eventually able to escape but had to walk more than a mile before someone finally helped her get to the hospital
    Kris also alleges mistreatment by hospital staff who released her just hours after she was admitted and told her to go see an oral surgeon
    She eventually went to a different hospital where she underwent multiple surgeries
    Kris says it wasn’t until more than two weeks later that police conducted their first formal interview

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..itute.html

    She described the detectives as ‘hostile’ and says they treated the interview like ‘it was a big joke and a waste of time’.

    Well, duh. Crimes with victims are a waste of time. Had there been drugs or some other victimless crime against the state going on, then they would have been interested. But a rape? They don’t care.

    1. If there had been any money to steal or any way to terrorize her, they would have done it. Since there was neither, they don’t care.

      In addition to all of the usual reasons (unions, total lack of accountability and such), this attitude is one of the downsides of broken windows policing. It used to be that cops were told to ignore small crimes and just concentrate on the big ones. Well, along came broken windows policing that told them to go after the little crimes. Well, that had its upside. But it also caused cops to start to view their job as just fucking with people. I think it has caused them to lose focus on actual serious cases. Add to that the metrics based incentives that reward cops for numbers of arrests rather than the nature of the crimes they solve and you get this. Why spend a bunch of time solving a gang rape when it is only five arrests for your evaluation when you can take that time and arrest 50 people for various bullshit crimes?

      1. Broken windows creates unfortunate circumstances when its mated up with “modern” data and metric driven management. Allofasudden, you gotta post X number of broken windows busts per month. So guess what you care about?

        1. I thought broken windows helped the economy? Krugman won a Nobel Prize for that!

      1. Archy Bunka
        7:01 AM MST
        Seagal would make a fine: “Evil Emperor Ming”, or maybe, a “Fu man Chu”, character with that hair doo and beard.

        Too bad white men playing other races in film is frowned upon today.

        I laughed. Steven Seagal as the insidious Dr. Fu Manchu. That would be either a farce or a tragedy.

        1. That fat fuck is so fat that in the last movie I saw him in, they had to use a stunt-double to hop a three-foot fence.

          1. Isn’t he trying to be a cop or something in real life? He’s probably just trying to fit in.

        2. Actually, Seagal is now a doppelg?nger of Penn Jillette.

        3. I’d just like to point out that Nicolas Cage played Fu Manchu in one of the trailers in Grindhouse. It was AMAZING.

          “THIS IS MY MECCA!”

      2. “The Olympics and Paralympics have demonstrated that we are again becoming one of the leaders in global sports.”

        /slaps Putin off the side of the head.

        Hello. Canada. TWO, not one, TWO hockey gold on Russian ice, buddy. The ONLY medal you PUBLICLY said you wanted. Ice Hockey.

        Not only that, Sledge Hockey was won by the USA.

    1. Would that they then rise up against him.

    2. Obama should come out and say “I’m glad Putin is on board with my wife’s “Let’s Move” campaign.”

  10. US taxpayers are subsidising Australia’s richest woman and her new mining venture in Australia. It’s cool, she’s promised to buy American equipment, so it’s an investment

    http://www.smh.com.au/business…..35eq3.html

    1. Actually, we’re subsidizing Caterpillar, heavy equipment whores that they are.

      1. As if Cat needs more money…

  11. Happy birthday, Kristen!

  12. Man calls government female genital mutilation helpline and asks for help to circumcise his daughters

    1. I assume, good multi-culturalists that they are, that they gave him a referral?

      1. I kinda hate to say this, but it probably would have been more helpful to the girls to give a referral to a spiritual leader who just “nicks” as a pro forma procedure rather than try to talk him down.

  13. I did some work at USSS a few years ago. It is a very broken organization. The thing that broke it as much as anything was affirmative action. It used to be that USSS agents all met the same standard and thus really took pride in the organization. They came in and lowered the standards to get “diversity”. Once you lower the standards for some people, everyone loses respect for the organization and the position. Gradually, everyone stops meeting the standards and a general rot sets in. I think that is what has happened to the USSS.

    1. I think that is what has happened to the USSS.

    2. I thought Big Bill taught them how to parTAY?

    3. Merit is a privileged concept.

    4. Nice try, but I bet you 10:1 the guys out drinking were white males.

  14. A day after being released following a 15-year stay in state prison for robbing a Toms River shoe store, a 40-year-old man allegedly committed the same crime at the same business, authorities said today.

    more

    1. Was it the same clerk?

    2. This was a movie with Nick Nolte…

    3. I thought you said you was innocent of those charges?

      Well, I lied.

  15. Impact of Fabian Society on contemporary politics.

    Discuss.

    1. Bad.

    2. Police force women to poop on their lawns.

  16. Is the state of Massachusetts more evil than clowns?

    http://www.bostonglobe.com/lif…..story.html

      1. It’s a movie promo, and thus lame.

    1. I’m not one of those people who fears clowns, so yes, government is more evil than clowns.

      1. I never quite grasped the common fear of clowns.

        1. I don’t share it, but I understand it. There’s something not right about clowns.

          1. In theory, yeah, but if the teacher already knows how subs are used, then in practice she should have left something more appropriate. I wouldn’t have any problem moving toward appropriate subs for certain classes, but if that’s not the case now, then the teacher is just being a pain in the ass.

            1. Youz got squirreled.

              1. man damn! I beseech thee, O Squirrel Gods…

            2. Now you’ve done it — you’ve called teachers “clowns”.

        2. It all stems from Smokey Robinson’s song, “Fears of a Clown.”

    2. The department is exploring all options that will allow Justina to return to her home state

      Well, not all of them, apparently.

    3. Jesus fuck that judge needs to be removed from office.

      Lets see, Doctors get uppity and forget they are working for the patient not the other way around. Family goes to other doctors. First set of doctors runs to big daddy CPS who takes children away for really no good reason. Parents fight back. Judge rules against them because they refuse to cooperate?

      You know if CPS tried that shit with my kids yeah hurling insults at them is the least of their worries.

  17. Three Secret Service agents have been sent home from the Netherlands after spending a night drinking in Amsterdam ahead of President Obama’s arrival.

    They spent the night, uhm, drinking? Fools.

    1. The Pastry chef is fired for cooking with sugar but the Praetorian guard is shitfaced on duty. Go figure.

      1. Alcohol is a sugar.

      2. But the SS agent ate a nice vegan meal before he went out and got sauced so it’s ok.

  18. I am here!! Subbing in a math high school classroom today. This F-in teacher left this gigantic amount of math material for me to teach. She assumes that all subs in these classrooms are certified to teach at the same level as her. I can’t stand these idiots. They have a known shortage of subs, so the odds of getting a sub that is certified in their field is slim to none on most days. Why would she leave material assuming I can teach this crap? And the class has to slit into multiple groups and she has worksheets that do not match her instructions for each group. Why cant these ass clowns just leave something for them to do that is easier for a unqualified sub to proctor? If this woman comes to me complaining tomorrow I am going to really just whistle as she bitches.

    1. I’m going to have to side with her here.

      1. I second Auric. To expect a substitute teacher to teach instead of babysit is not unreasonable.

        1. it is not unreasonable….but when you have a shortage of subs should you hold that sub to a standard of knowing high level material? I understand that it is desirable, but when reality says otherwise, why would you? I am Social Studies/History certified and to ask me to come in because they can’t find a certified high level math sub would be kind of silly to expect me to know how she is teaching the material.

          1. and she should be mad at the school system, not me.

    2. What could possibly be hard to teach about math at the high school level? You solve for x. Rinse and repeat.

      1. I’d like to see someone who’s been out of math for a while teach how to find the square root of:

        (4a^2/b^2) + 8 + (4b^2/a^2)

        That’s just Algebra I, which barely even qualifies as high school math.

        1. Wowzers. 2((a^2+b^2)/ab)?

          Throwback problem of the day. That should be a Thing.

          1. You forgot about the 8 Mr Smartypants.

            1. Who really needs a constant term, Snark? At this point, what difference does it really make?

              1. Well if we aren’t going to use proper x’s and y’s I can’t see what difference a few integers are going to make.

          2. +- (2a/b + 2b/a)

            And that’s not even dealing with how to explain how to get the answer.

            I’m not going to lie, I forgot a crapton of algebra and I am using Khan Academy to stay a couple of days ahead of what I am teaching the daughters.

            Next year with Algebra II and Plane Geometry should be interesting.

            I think a lot of people who say “Oh, what’s so hard about high school math” would be a bit surprised at how much they no longer know, if it came down actually to solving, let alone explaining, some high school math. And, again, this is just Algebra I, which I’m teaching to 8th graders, though they’ll get high school credit.

            I have empathy for a non-math sub who gets thrown into anything about middle school math.

            1. “above” not “about.”

            2. surprised at how much they no longer know

              I will admit that I don’t remember shit. I’m actually a little ashamed.

            3. I agree with you, more or less, my math chops are total shit and I took some grad level stuff in college. I think I could give it a decent stab with a bit of brush-up though, but most teachers, much less subs, don’t have much of a math background.

              1. Yeah. But even people with more of a math background but who haven’t been using it for a while would, I think, struggle a bit with what they have presumed to be easy math.

                I programmed for 20 years, but not for the last three. It would probably take a couple of days, at least, to be effective again and I’d almost certainly sound like a retard at an interview.

            4. Shitsky. Failed to reduce. Damn it.

        2. That’s not algebra, there’s not a single x there.

          1. Of course not. That’s why algebra problems always require you to find X.

            1. He tried to pull a fast one. But we were too clever for that.

        3. “That’s just Algebra I, which barely even qualifies as high school math.”

          It’s the highest level math class that a third of high schools ever take.

          You assertion on the entire subject is just wrong and ignorant, including your ridiculous assertion that it’s too hard for a sub to do.

          Speak for yourself, not everyone is stupid like you are.

          1. High schools don’t take math classes.

            “You” should be the possessive pronoun “your.”

            I never asserted that Algebra I was too hard for subs to teach.

            Not everyone is short like I am, either.

    3. Hey, I know math and such. Why don’t you crowdsource your lessons today from H&R? For the children!

      1. I expect some pretty…. interesting word problems.

        1. “Mommy, what is a Doomcock?”

          1. “If you have 78 orphan slaves, 3 of them die, and you kidnap 4 more, how much more money do you need to be considered a worthy human being?”

          2. “Joe has $100. You need $50 for a skateboard. How much money do your trained goons need to take from Joe so the situation will be “fair”?

            1. $100 weekly, plus interest.

        2. Chase, who is 12 miles west of La’Shawn, is driving his Benz at an average rate of 35 miles per hour westbound while La’Shawn rides his bike at 15 mph in the opposite direction. At what distance from La’Shawn’s initial position will they meet for their deal? If Auric’s orphans ambush them at the meeting point and steal 500 grams of cocaine from La’Shawn and drive Chase’s Benz to the chop shop, how much extra ObamaCare tax will Chase pay during the subsequent tax year to cover the injuries to La’Shawn due to the beatdown La’Shawn suffers from his distributor?

          For bonus points, calculate the amount of cocaine Chase will need to make sure his fund raiser for inner city youth for that evening raises at least $20,000 for the non-profit’s director’s personal fund.

        3. Applying the chart above, what is the fair tax rate for the couple making $270,000?

          Correct answer: Zero.

          1. Correct answer is a tax return.

            1. If it were a college class, the correct answer would be, “We don’t owe the Man nothing. The Man owes us.”

    4. Are you calling yourself unqualified? What subject in high school math could possibly be beyond the ability of a substitute teacher with internet access? Is it matrices? I bet it’s matrices.

      1. You know, i’ve never used those once since passing the class wherein they were taught. I must have entered the wrong field.

        1. Quite literally, the basis of my job (and this entire billion dollar company) is matrix math.

          1. What industry is that?

            1. Manufacturing red and blue pills.

            2. Technical computing.

              1. I don’t care what the truth is, Pro Lib’s answer wins.

      2. Hypoty-nooses. Why does it have to be hypoty-nooses?

        1. Cause the regular teacher is racist.

      3. Matrices. My b?te noir. I hates dem things after all these years and like UnCivil, never used them again outside of class.

      4. I had calculus in high school. I would not expect a sub in a different field to be able to teach it. I sure as hell can’t do it anymore.

    5. Give them busywork. As long as you don’t have a Karl Gauss in the class, you should be OK.

      1. Likely apocryphal but cool, anyway.

    6. Just get the smartest kid in the class to teach the material. Works every time.

    7. Sheesh, Rufus, just maintain some semblance of order and the kids will love you.

      1. well, that I do have down. She has left some sort of packet that was not described in her notes to me. But the kids said they have never done that particular packet, so I just handed it out to the class and they seem to be going through it and engaging with the material. So at least they can use today to practice skills they have been learning this week…because me actually teaching brand new material at this high a level is not to smart. It would end up being more mis-educative if I tried that. So more practice!!!

    8. Just have em play dropbox 2048 and be done with it.

    9. Surely there is also a teacher’s manual?

      1. That is the way it worked in my school.

        We once had a kid ask our hockey coach/english teacher (the hockey part was more important than the english at our school) why the answer to a question was an adverb and not an adjective and his answer was “umm…. because it says so right here in the answers.”

        He also asked for help calculating 10% of 100 in a different class.

    10. It’s high school math, unless you are in an AP calculus class then it could be argued that you have no business teaching ANY subject in high school without having mastered that subject.

      1. What do you do when you have no subs who can teach that level of math?

        1. What do you do when you have no stupid/invalid crap to whine about?

          If you knew dick about the subject/ you’d stop making a fool of yourself by making such moronic fucking comments.

          1. What’s the square root of:

            a^4 – 2a^3 + 3a^2/2 – a/2 + 1/16

            and how would you cogently explain the method for extracting that root to someone in her first year of algebra? Someone as knowledgeable as you clearly are should be able to shed some light on the questions without resorting to Google.

            1. As an engineer for 20+ years, I can assure you that I’ve never needed to solve the square root of a random equation.

  19. Meet Bruce Braley, America’s dumbest politician. The man is running for re-election in Iowa and lectured his constituents on how horrible farmers are and how great lawyers are in contrast.

    http://www.slate.com/articles/….._iowa.html

    1. “America’s Dumbest Politician”? Sure, that’s a dumb thing to do, but America’s Dumbest Politician is an incredibly high bar.

      1. Even the dumbest ones have enough feral survival sense not to do this.

        1. At least he did not single out the rapeseed farmers!

        2. Heard on the radio that Mitch McConnell’s Demo opponent picked some other school over Kentucky I’m her bracket.

          1. in her bracket.

          2. That’s not a great idea, but it’s not as bad as his own campaign showing Duke over UK (The ’92 Laettner shot) in their ads talking about how great Kentucky is.

            1. Yeah that was just before in the same segment. I don’t think McConnell personally put together that commercial so I’m giving the edge to what’s her name although I could well believe that McConnell is so out of touch that he sat through the ad and signed off on it without a second thought.

        3. Unless they’re a certain democrat who mocks gun owners – then they get to be President.

    2. Not only does the Democrat party have the lead in the number of politicians put in prison, have more wealthy Congressmen, a history of racism, it also has, apparently, the dubious distinction of being more smug.

      1. Really, a false sense of superiority and smug is all they have. They haven’t made a rational positive argument or done anything but tear down and lie about their opponents in decades. It is all about “wear our brand so you can feel smug and superior” at this point.

        1. Yeah but smug and superior feels great!

        2. The Democrat party really is pretty weak at this point, it really says a lot about the Republicans for not being able to exploit it.

          1. The Republicans are a sad sack bunch of losers who want to be liked by the media and Washington culture more than they want to win. If they would stop apologizing for not being good liberals and grow a pair of balls, they might win something.

            1. Yeah I think that has a lot to do with it, maybe when the old guard finally dies or retires we can go back to having two parties that actually disagree on things.

              At least one can hope.

    3. Farmers produce a valuable, tangible product everyone uses.

      Lawyers pervert the law.

      Only a lawyer would put the legal ‘professions’ over farmers.

      1. oh the government employee has the temerity to bag on *other* professions. ha ha.

        1. You really want something repulsive – meet the government lawyers. My agency is chock full of them. They are half of the sample from which my study was conducted.

          Besides, if there is fact in what I say, what does it matter who signs my paycheck beyond the examination for potential conflict of interest? (not that they pay me enough to care).

          1. fair enough. I’m looking to get in on that graft myself, so I’m just ribbing you.

      2. Those Iowa farmers only seem to produce ethanol which no one really wants.

        I’d be impressed if the guy had told them that he wouldn’t promise to keep the ethanol subsidy and that they may have to grow crops to meet market demand, rather than sucking at the Dept of Ag’s tit all the time.

        1. Wasn’t it lawyers who told them to make ethanol by way of market distortions?

        2. Imagine if they produced high quality marijuana instead. If you aren’t going to eat your damn crops you may as well smoke it.

      3. “Farmers produce a valuable, tangible product everyone uses.’

        Not in Iowa.

        In Iowa farmers produce farm subsidies and ethanol, any actual food or feed which comes out of the ground is merely a byproduct

    4. I was terrified that this guy was going to take Harkin’s seat this fall. This video gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

    5. Is there any group that lawyers can be favorably compared to? Maybe convicted child molesters.

      1. Child molesters, incest cults, serial killers. There are a few, but it is a select group.

        1. Trial lawyers are a group unto themselves šŸ˜‰

      2. It’s not the profession itself so much as that it attracts the intensely vile. Kind of like politics, used car sales, and the like. It’s made worse by the unshackled government, which keeps churning out more litigation to support the poor plantiffs’ bar.

      3. Not the convicted ones, they usually feel guilty about it and contrary to popular belief rarely ever violate another child. So their current behavior would probably nudge them up above lawyers.

    6. Grassley’s response was to say that by the logic expressed in the video, a lawyer is not qualified to discuss public policy for agriculture, energy, or health care.

  20. http://www.washingtonpost.com/…..es-person/

    9th Circuit upholds California rule that guns in your own home must be locked up or on your person, even if you live alone. Pathetic.

    1. Sounds like they’re cool if I own people though, so that’s something.

    2. “Well, we’re letting you keep the damn things, so what are you bitching about?”

  21. Well Rufus, you’ve successfully changed my mind. Before I merely thought it was reasonable to think Crosby isn’t the best. Now, after your arguments yesterday, I’ve come around to the conclusion that there actually might not be a reasonable argument that he is.

    1. I find Ovetchkin to be the most frustrating athlete in all of professional sports. He is athletically superior to Crosby in every way. Crosby is smallish. Ovetchin is a monster. The guy should be the LaBron James of the NFL. He is every bit the skilled skater and puck handler that Crosby is but in a much bigger and athletic body. Yet, he is not even close as a player.

      It just goes to show that there is more to being a great athlete than just physical skills. You have to have something between your ears as well.

      1. “Ovetchin is a monster.”

        Try and push Crosby off the puck.

        Only two players in the last 25 years or so measure up: Jagr and Lemieux.

        Ovechkin is great but Crosby delivers the total package. He does a lot of the little things much better.

        1. Ovetchkin should throw Crosby off the puck like a rag doll. There is no comparison to them physically. Crosby could never bully and physically dominate opponents the way Ovetchkin does when he chooses to.

          Ovetchkin should be the whole package. He should be the one guy who has the skills of all of the great goal scorers with the physicality of the worst goon. And yet, he rarely puts it all together. Some nights he is all that and a bag of chips. Then he will disappear for ten games. I just don’t understand him.

          1. Because, John, he’s not Crosby.

            He outweighs him by 25 lbs but again, Crosby is a master of shielding the puck.

            I used to hear Kovalev was the ‘most talented’ player in hockey yet never put it together.

            Part of being talented is ‘getting it together’ no?

            1. Part of being talented is having the mental focus to play great most nights. That is what Crosby has that Ovetchkin doesn’t.

              Yes, part of “talent” is the mental end. That was my point and why Ovetchkin is so frustrating.

              And 25 pounds in a lot when you are talking about elite athletes. It is not like that is 25 pounds of flab.

          2. Rufus should love Ovetchkin. He scores a shitload, but costs his team even more goals against.

            1. Yes, Auric, because FO% is a proper measure.

              Throw me the stats again about Crosby costing his team

              In the meantime:

              http://www.debate.org/opinions…..in-the-nhl

              You have guys saying Bergeron is better…because FO%!

              There is NO BETTER PLAYER.

              1. Diana Moon Glampers saw to that.

              2. Bergergon actually does have a better argument than Crosby, and it’s along the same lines as Towes’ (though weaker). It’s not because they are way better at faceoffs (though that is a factor). It’s because they are both one of the best defensive forwards, and still play well offensively (though certainly not as well as Crosby).

                The point of a hockey player* is not to score goals. It’s to score more goals than the other team. Scoring goals is only part of that. Ovechkin this year is the perfect example of that (but Crosby has a smaller version of the same issue).

                non-goalie

                1. No.

                  Just no.

                  I see some of those points but no.

                  Bergeron?

                  I’m laughing at the moment.

                  Love Bergeron but on NO LEVEL is he better.

                  You do realize players are given specific tasks and roles to play, right?

                  Bergeron has his within a Bruins framework and Crosby has his mandate.

                  His mandate is to score.

                2. Is there a “WAR” stat for hockey like for baseball?

                  1. Is there a “WAR” stat for hockey like for baseball?

                    There’s goals vs. threshold. Crosby is up 23.4 to 14.4.

                    1. Bishop and Rask are ahead of Crosby.

                      But it seems like bullshit as goalies shouldnt have zeros on the defensive side.

                    2. Bishop the wall!

                      Goalies are like pitchers. Separate category.

                    3. But WAR doesnt treat pitchers any differently. That is the point, wins above replacement is a universal measure (regardless of its flaws).

                    4. But it seems like bullshit as goalies shouldnt have zeros on the defensive side.

                      You can learn about the methodology over several articles beginning here.

                      Simply put, it’s just a way to save space in the table. From what I remember, Goaltender GVT is lumped in with Offensive GVT because they have basically no impact on offense, so measuring that is pointless (all goalies’ OGVT would be highly negative). They do have an impact on how the defenses play though, and are given some credit for that. Likewise, skaters produce nothing calculable in GGVT, so they don’t bother to calculate it.

          3. My co-worker is a huge Caps fan and loves Ovetchkin but his wish is that Ovetchkin can somehow get a brain transplant in the offseason so his mental ability matches his physical ability. I’m not a Caps fan but Ovetchkin has to be a hard player to root for.

      2. A lot of it’s about the people he has around him, and, mostly, the style of play.

        Ovechkin tries to do it all himself, sometimes, and then he gets frustrated.

        The style of play that Canadian kids learn to play in the Canadian junior leagues–all the way down to when they’re little kids–is the style that wins big games in the NHL.

        You can’t win consistently with the Russian or Swedish style of play. The Sedins suffer from the same problem. There’s a reason why the teams that win lots of games during the regular season so often come up short during the playoffs. You can’t play that style and win a seven game series against the Canadian style of play.

        The Caps don’t have that core of skill players that learned what they know in the Canadian junior leagues. That thing Dale Hunter teaches kids in his junior league team is something you’re never gonna get from Backstrom and Ovechkin. The closest they ever got to having it was when Dale Hunter was the coach…

        And back then, Backstrom looked like he’s lost it completely.

        1. And really the best team they had in the playoffs was under Hunter. Living in Washington the “we just hit a hot goalie” excuse that Caps fans give wears pretty thin. Yeah, that can happen, but not every year. Something else is going on to explain how they can gag in the playoffs every year.

          I don’t know enough about hockey to say it is the Canadian style of play. But it is clearly something. That said, didn’t the Red Wings do pretty well with Federov and a lot of other Russian players? And the Avalanche won a couple of cups with Peter Forsberg as their best player. So I am not sure I buy the idea that you can’t win with Russians or Swedes.

          1. The Wings had a bunch of Euros, but under both Bowman and Babcock they wouldn’t play a European game. Those guys fought for the puck and played in all three zones.

            The irony about Forsberg is that he’s the epitome of what a North American hockey coach looks for. Not all Euros play like it.

            1. KDN, Peter Forsberg was one of the greatest players on the puck I’ve ever seen. Forgot him. Too bad about the injuries. There were moments where that guy was the best in the world.

          2. That said, didn’t the Red Wings do pretty well with Federov and a lot of other Russian players? And the Avalanche won a couple of cups with Peter Forsberg as their best player.

            I’m not sure this is a valid comparison. The Wings had Scotty Bowman as their coach for the longest time during that run, and he already had a pretty long track record of molding successful teams.

            Forsberg was clearly the most talented Avs player, but his style of play was actually a lot more physical than most Europeans played at the time, and there were even complaints in Swedish newspapers during his amateur days about it–they thought he was way too rough. And to be fair, without Patrick Roy, they don’t even win that first Cup in ’96. Once they got past Vancouver, he played absolutely out of his mind.

            1. But having a great goalie has nothing to do with style of play and doesn’t discredit their wins.

              1. Yeah, having a great goalie is often about the style of play.

                You don’t think Brodeur’s career stats have anything to do with the New Jersey Devil’s style of play?

                Historically, they’ve been the most defensive minded team in the NHL during his whole career.

                1. No Ken, having great results and making a goalie look good has to do with style of play. But a goalie can get hot and just stop everything no matter what style the team is playing.

                2. Adjusted for official scorer bias and his constant playing of the puck, Brodeur’s career numbers compare favorably to other elite goalies of all time. Brodeur isn’t a product of the system, he made the system work.

                3. Auric started a great debate.

                  No, seriously.

                  He had me thinking but I remain unswayed as he does.

                  Good stuff all around.

            2. Or the second one. The Devils owned the puck for most of that series and had a better team top to bottom, though the Avs did have the two best skaters. That 2001 Devils team is the best I’ve ever seen, I’ll never get over that loss.

          3. Winning a best of seven hockey series is about special teams and defense. And when the Caps got shut down by Halak against the Habs that year, it really was about hitting a hot goalie…

            In games six and seven, you’re going to get very few scoring opportunities–so you better give your opponent even fewer and you better make the most of the power play. That also means penalty kill is paramount!

            How is Ovechkin the remedy to any of that? You want to blame somebody? Blame Mike Green for being a band-aid boy. Blame the GM for not putting the right mix of Canadian/North American stalwarts together and going after scoring defenseman after hot center…

            If the Red Wings had something that bucked the trend, it was Nicklas Lidstrom, a Swede, who may have been the greatest defenseman in the history of the NHL. You’re gonna do better with Finnish defensemen, the style of play they teach is more of what you want.

            There’s no substitute for the Canadian style of play–not in a seven game series. In Sweden and Russia, you can’t play physically like the Canadians teach their players to play in the junior leagues. And the Canadians keep beating the crap out of everybody in international play, too.

            The Russian team is always stacked with the best offensive players in the NHL–and they keep getting schooled by the Canadians.

            1. I know, let’s put Ovechkin, Kovalchuk, and Malkin together–on the same line! And then we’ll be unstoppable!

              LOL

              They’ve tried it twice now. You know the definition of insanity, right?

              The game just doesn’t work that way. Close games are about special teams and defense. A seven game series is about special teams and defense.

          4. Dale Hunter – asshole he was as a player – coached one of the greatest teams in junior history in the London Knights the year Perry and the Knights beat Crosby’s Rimouski Oceanique.

            Is Perry better?

            Perry is wicked good, but even in jr. you could see Crosby was a notch above.

        2. Swedes have Kronwall, Zetterberg, Alfredsson – they can bang. Finnish players even more so. I think that’s changing rapidly.

          Russians, I agree, are a different cat.

          But those Russian Wings played more North American when needed.

      3. Crosby isn’t reall small. Have you seen how he defends.his.puck.possession?

        Plus his.situational.awareness is.unmatched. he.knows, at all times, the best path for the.puck to be.going, and that’s why he has.so many points. He doesn’t just go.for the shots he sees.he can make. He sees the shots that anyonecan take at a given moment and gets the puck to the highest.probability shooter. Ovechkin just floats.around until he sees a shooting lane and whales.it.at the.goal.

        1. Crosby isn’t reall small.

          Also this. Crosby’s built like Ray Rice. He’s probably got the best leg strength in the league.

          1. He does.

            Was reading his conditioning in a magazine. The trainer was explaining his flexibility and ankle strength sets him apart. He has a low center of gravity. Notice how low he goes to fight players off. He must be a nightmare – I mean – nightmare for defensemen. Better off containing him as a group.

    2. I answered you about my feelings on +/- and FO%. Both deceiving especially when applied to players like Crosby. Dunno if you saw it.

      Ah. So I failed.

      So who is better?

      1. I did see it, and that was actually what convinced me that there’s no good argument for Crosby being the best. If you need to ignore half of what he’s supposed to do to claim he’s the best, then he’s not.

        1. Really? It’s not ignoring Auric.

          Those are not valid stats for multiple reasons. Guy Carbonneau used to be the best face off guy – like ever – and no one confused him to be the best. In fact, most of who are considered to be the best hockey players ever weren’t great in the FO circle. It’s a silly stat for many, many reasons.

          +/- is more problematic but that too has to be handled with care/

          Again. Who is better?

          I suggest looking into those stats a little deeper.

          I think it would have been better to set criteria down but on a list of things to consider FO% is very low if at all on the list.

          There’s a reason why the entire Team Canada brass to the man chose Crosby as captain. There’s a reason why he’s considered without much debate as the best hockey player.

          I can go on and on including what he did at Rimouski.

          1. No, you can’t go on and on. Your entire argument relies solely on him being the most talented offensively, instead of considering the whole game.

            1. No, it’s not relying on just that. Read the comments. It’s much, much more.

              Actually, it’s considering everything important you need in a player.

              1. That he’s +10 means little. It can point to so many things. Crosby doesn’t cost his team.

                1. If there’s one thing in your defense worth noting, is when Crosby went down, the Pens remained competitive.

                  But that has something to do, I reckon, with depth of the roster and coaching.

                  They shifted their strategy. But to conclude Crosby is just another player would be foolish. I’m sure Bylsma would take Crosby any day in his lineup.

    3. What, are Stills, Nash, and Young chopped liver?

      1. Teach the children to forecheck.

        1. But the forecheck is boring.

          Or, at least, that’s what everybody said when the Devils were using it to win Cups. And having a goalie who could handle the puck was evil, too.

          1. I don’t buy into that ‘boring’ stuff. Results is what matters.

            Don’t get me going on that with soccer.

            Entertainment is subjective. Some people like one style over others and so on. I just appreciate it for what it is. Devils, Oilers, Wings – whatever. All good to me.

            1. Ture, but Bettman literally had the rules changed to punish Brodeur. Why else is there a fucking trapezoid?

            2. Don’t get me going on that with soccer.

              You’re just pissed that your team has nothing to play for. :-p

              At least Man U are looking weak.

              (Oh, and I meant “true”, not “ture”, in my previous post.)

              1. At least Man U are looking weak.

                Great big bolshy yarbles to thee and thine

                1. I’m surprised the server squirrels didn’t reject this for not being in English.

                  1. Nadsat is the server squirrels’ native language

      2. What, are Stills, Nash, and Young chopped liver?

        I think Steve might still have his original one.

    1. Alexander Bogdanov was a communist before communism was cool.

      Hipster communist.

      1. Redundant redundist.

        1. Nice.

    2. from the comments:

      Communism was only cool before Communism.

      A t-shirt!

      1. It’s a good thread to keep reading. I’m pretty sure they hit every lame excuse for communism every invented.

    3. people either spent their time working to further their culture or contemplating the progress that that culture had made.

      What is it with utopians and post scarcity?

      1. Navel gazing. We’re talking about asshats who don’t produce anything but professional navel-gazing. They dream about being the only important people because the people who make stuff become unnecessary.

      2. The fact that their utopian visions only work in a post scarcity world. The point they always miss is that their utopian system could never build the wealth necessary for it to work. You have to have the wealth first, then you can implement the utopian vision. Trying to go the other way just leads to mass starvation and setting up gulags for the hoarders.

    4. This time is different!

      We’re pretty much to the point where the price system can be replaced by software. One system that can manage the distribution of labor and goods, and one general purpose robot, and Communism becomes feasible. In practice, though, i imagine it’d most likely take some sort of communist/capitalist hybrid form?

      1. That was the point at which I quit reading Accelerando.

        If you think the price system can be replaced by software, you don’t understand prices.

  22. FDA rule regulates spent grain sold as animal feed

    http://www.craftbrewingbusines…..imal-feed/
    This one seriously pisses me off. I mean, this is a relationship that has been going on for literally thousands of years. And along comes some busybody in the FDA who wants to fuck it all up. Some farmers depend on this grain and will be put out of business.

    I guess it’s better to put it into a landfill than feed it to cows.

    Fuck.

  23. The nearly 300 same-sex Michigan couples who got married last weekend will face a longer wait to learn whether their vows will be legally valid.

    http://www.freep.com/article/2…..court-stay

    The 6th Circuit Court of Appeals on Tuesday extended a stay on last week’s ruling by U.S. District Court Judge Bernard Friedman that struck down the Michigan’s ban on same-sex marriage.

    The 2-1 ruling, issued late Tuesday afternoon, means the case will have to make its way through the appellate court, and likely the U.S. Supreme Court, before the couples know whether their marriages will be legally recognized.

    1. So — hold off on the consumations?

      1. They Can’t hold out much longer!

  24. 9th Circuit upholds California rule that guns in your own home must be locked up or on your person, even if you live alone.

    Let the random warrantless gun storage checks commence!

    1. Doubly good for the cops: Since the law allows people to have the gun “on their person”, the cop can just go in shooting, and it’ll be justified, since the person might have been armed!

      1. And if you happen to call the cops or have a cop come to your door, he can ask you if you have any guns and if they are locked up. If you are dumb enough to answer, he can arrest you right there.

        It makes gun ownership effectively criminal, which is the point.

    2. On the bright side if they attempt to do a bunch of no-knock raids, then we will end up with a lot fewer cops.

  25. Two CNN producers were arrested Tuesday for trying to sneak into the World Trade Center site to test its security

    The pair initially tried to get through a gate at Vesey and Washington streets, with a source saying they told the cop who stopped them that “if a 16-year-old could get on the site, they should be able to get in.”

    Brilliant!

    1. They should use the David Gregory defense.

    2. Two CNN producers were arrested Tuesday for trying to sneak into the World Trade Center site to test its security

      I guess the test was successful.

  26. It is only a matter of time before some drunken Secret Service agent sneaks into Obama’s room while he is sleeping and draws on his face with magic marker.

    1. How do you think he got that thing near his nose?

    2. They should learn from Lee Marvin in The Dirty Dozen: you bring the hookers in to the agents, not let them go out and find the hookers.

  27. “The Obamacare open enrollment deadline has been pushed back for those who say that they began the signup process but do not finish in time.”

    Obama will keep asking millenials the same question until they finally get the right answer.

    Either that, or we won’t get any meaningful statistics until after the midterms.

    #winning!

  28. Two CNN producers were arrested Tuesday for trying to sneak into the World Trade Center site to test its security

    Did they have parachutes?

    1. The Chinese kid already did that and showed the security to be pretty lax. Apparently, even lax security is enough to stop reporters.

      1. The lights for the video camera are a dead give away.

        1. “This is the infamous hole in the fence. Watch how easy it is for someone to-”

          “Watch it with that light, I’m trying to sleep here!”

  29. Malaysia’s acting transport minister says that 122 objects which could be debris from missing MH307 have been spotted by satellite.

    There is also news that Voyager has, apparently, left the solar system.

    1. Well as long as Voyager doesn’t decide to come back to the solar system I think we will be ok.

      1. we better keep a few humpback whales around just in case.

  30. Malaysia’s acting transport minister says that 122 objects which could be debris from missing MH307 have been spotted by satellite.

    He also texted to the family members that the objects could be their missing loved ones.

    1. Such tender concern.

    2. Yeah, Malaysia really screwed up on this. This was their opportunity to show the world they were a big boy country, and they fell flat.

    1. Its a public park. If they were not bothering anyone, the cops should leave them alone.

    2. That really burns me.

      1. [Looks at Tim, narrows gaze.]

    3. The witches from the Wiccan Family Temple wanted to have a fundraiser in the form of a fair with music and other fun-sounding witch stuff, like tarot readings, crystal vendors, cauldrons and more. They are trying to raise money to build a school and a permanent place of worship.

      “Cauldrons and More” could be the name of their school!

      1. Or at least the gift shop

      2. You guys think the EPA will allow them to build a wicker man?

        1. Oh, I don’t think the building would be the problem, just the intended use.

        2. Load it with EPA agents and it’ll draw a big cheer.

  31. Ukrainian Catholic Church in Crimea faces persecution:

    “Father Milchakovskyi said that Crimea’s Russian Orthodox Church appeared ready to seize Ukrainian Catholic properties and said all but one Catholic priest and deacon had now left to escape “interest from the FSB and Russian forces.”

    “In a March 19 letter to Ukrainian Catholic clergy in Crimea and neighbouring Odessa, Archbishop Shevchuk said he was aware many priests now faced “inconveniences, pressures and threats” with their families, adding that he hoped they would have “bravery and courage, steadfastness and strength” to continue their work.

    “”To carry on your service, you will have to overcome impediments which, until very recently, were hard for any of us to imagine. You are being called ‘Vatican agents’ and are being solicited to renounce the Catholic Church,” the archbishop said.

    “”These attacks are nothing new. In them we trace an echo of everything our martyr-Church experienced in the not-so-distant Communist past,” he said. “However, we know God’s providence turned into good those repressions and persecutions.””

    http://www.catholicherald.co.u…..of-arrest/

    1. Hmmm…maybe they should get a few broomsticks…that might get people interested in their religious freedom…

    2. Such a touching display of intra-faith unity. And from the POV of, say, a Southern Baptist, those faiths are identical.

      1. No they arent.

        1. But we all know that those with very close but not identical views are the worst heretics.

        2. So, what does an SB find so strikingly different about the two faiths? They’re both very ritualistic. Transubstantiation?

          1. Catholic is western empire, Orthodox is eastern.

            Thats enough to not be identical.

            Who said anything about “strikingly”?

            1. OK, and identical was a bad choice, “equivalent” would have been better.

            2. Oh OK you’re just being your contentious, douchey, hated by everyone who knows you self.

          2. OK, robc, I hear what you’re saying. And you have a more well-informed view of things than many of the SB’s with who I am familiar (living in the Bible Belt as I do). But, srsly, I’m not talking about differences in church history or governance, I’m talking about differences in perceived faith.

            So, they both have statues and incense and fancy robes and all that.

            1. I live (lived?) in a mixed Baptist/Catholic city. Most Catholics couldnt tell you the different between Catholic and Orthodox.

              1. True, that. The point I was making was that from the POV of your average rank and file SB that all those “fancy” churches are the same, with perhaps lutherans (rare, here) and episcopalians falling somewhere in the middle.

  32. I finally watched an episode of the Independents last night.

    Kennedy was awful. Is she always that obnoxious?

    1. YOU WILL NOT INSULT THE GODDESS KENNEDY IN MY PRESENCE DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME MISTER?

      1. I’m confused. I thought the whole point of the comment threads was to insult Kennedy. Isn’t there a segment of the show dedicated to how hateful and obnoxious she is?

        1. Well, she mocked the guy from Heritage last night, not in a clever way, but in a way a teenager might mock somebody.

          1. You can take the girl outta MTV, but…

            1. I want my empty “V”…

    2. Is she always that obnoxious?

      I understand that sometimes she’s even more obnoxious.

      1. In that case, I am confused why so many commenters tune in every night.

        1. Probably because of that book cover where she was riding the donkey.

  33. In other news, Cass Sunstein is still appalling. He writes a piece on the New York Times v. Sullivan libel standard. He objects to it because

    One of the goals of the court’s ruling was to protect self-government, but the effects on self-government are not all good. Talk show hosts, bloggers and users of social media can spread ugly falsehoods in an instant ? exposing citizens to lies that may well cause them to look on their leaders with unjustified suspicion.

    http://www.bloombergview.com/a…..v-sullivan

    The real problem here is that free speech is causing the proles not to trust their top men. Man is that guy loathsome.

    1. He ends up grudgingly endorsing the decision.

      For myself, I don’t like the idea that you surrender most of your right to protect your reputation when you go into politics (or become a celebrity). Politicians (and celebrities) should have the same protection as Joe Schmoe, no more and no less.

      In the Sullivan case, some segregationist politicians were able to win large damage awards by pretending their reputations had been harmed through exaggerated accounts of their pro-segregation activities. This is implausible. I don’t see how their reputations would suffer among their constituents or their opponents – their reputation would stay about the same. Since defamation laws are about vindicating personal reputation, then they should have lost.

      1. I think the problem with Sullivan is how courts have interpreted it. Courts have set the “reckless disregard” standard so high as to render it meaningless. For a public figure to win they have to prove that the speaker knew it was false and said it or printed it anyway. I think “reckless disregard” should also include failure to fact check in addition to printing knowing falsehoods.

        For example, I think CBS acted with reckless disregard when they ran the Rathergate story. They just took the guy’s fake memo on its face and made no efforts to authenticate it. That is reckless disregard as far as I am concerned.

        1. And when these cases *do* go to trial, the courts rummage through the media’s internal memos, an intrusion in itself, instead of focusing on the truth of the allegations.

      2. And the Sullivan case was about an ad denouncing unnamed “Southern violators.” Sullivan was a local police official who jumped up and said, “how dare you accuse me!”

    2. That’s just a hair away from the Alien and Sedition Acts. I’m sure he’s wistful for that.

  34. lies that may well cause them to look on their leaders with unjustified suspicion.

    “Psst- hey buddy, the theater’s on fire.”

  35. North Korea: Men required to get Kim Jong-un haircuts!
    http://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-…..e-26747649

    That’s a damn sexy haircut.

    1. Awww hell yeah. It also makes escapees unmistakable Norks.

    2. That guy in the bottom right corner looks worried.

  36. Quote from my doctor yesterdat, who is tall and thin, “If I worked in the beer business, I would weigh 800 pounds.”

    1. Find another doctor, this one clearly doesn’t understand the amount of work required in a brewery and the effect of burning calories on counteracting caloric intake. To reach anything approaching a half tone, you have to be effectively inert or have some serious underlying condition.

      1. It was small talk. He was excited about it coming to BG.

        1. Okay, but I worry about doctoral hyperbole when it comes to matters of heath.

  37. Jim Geraghty writing at National Review explains today’s liberals

    As long as a particular position or stance lets progressives feel good about themselves, they will embrace it. Thus the measuring stick of Obamacare is not whether it’s actually providing the uninsured with health insurance ? the majority of the uninsured remain oblivious to even the most basic facts about the law ? but whether a liberal feels that it’s a sign that he cares about the uninsured more than other people.

    Liberals will deem Obamacare a failure only if it stops making them feel good about themselves.

    http://www.nationalreview.com/…..y/page/0/1

    1. “Liberals will deem Obamacare a failure only if it stops making them feel good about themselves.”

      So the shreeks of the world will only give up on it after they, personally, get bit by it.

      1. Probably, but maybe not even then. A few of them will be so stupid they will take the bite because they like feeling good even better than they dislike the pain.

        The way to go after liberals is to constantly ridicule them. There is no point in arguing with them since they are not choosing their positions on reason. The way you make liberals stop being liberals is to ridicule them so that they feel embarrassed about being a liberal and thus don’t feel so good anymore.

        So for example the way to deal with a liberal who supports Obamacare is not to make a rational argument about how bad it is. The thing to do is just laugh and say something like “so you believed that crap about being able to keep your insurance?” or “it is a good think we passed Obamacare to get more people insurance” or something to that effect. Just ridicule them and make them feel embarrassed for being suckers.

  38. “The Obamacare open enrollment deadline has been pushed back for those who say that they began the signup process but do not finish in time.”

    Sebilius:
    ‘We define success as 7 million new insureds by sometime in the future’

  39. Vatican: the “diocese of Limburg has come to “a situation that prevents a fruitful exercise of the ministry of Bishop Franz -Peter Tebartz -van Elst.” The bishop is also known as the “bishop of bling” for his high-living lifestyle. His resignation was accepted and he will be given another, non-bling-related assignment.

    http://en.radiovaticana.va/new…..en1-785033

  40. Unexpected.

    Speed killed “Fast & Furious” star Paul Walker, according to the investigation of the fiery car crash that ended the actor’s life last year.

    “Investigators determined the cause of the fatal solo-vehicle collision was unsafe speed for the roadway conditions,” Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Commander Mike Parker said Tuesday.

    What a relief. I thought it was terrorism.

    1. I thought it was Doomcock friendly fire

      1. +1 giant golf umbrella.

    2. Race tracks are kept meticulously smooth and they stop races to remove debris for a reason. Even if you have the skill to drive a car that is that high strung, and it is questionable that Walker did, no amount of driving skill is going to get you out of trouble if you hit the wrong bump or piece of debris.

      This is why driving really fast on the street is pretty dangerous and stupid. And even if you don’t hit something, sometimes you just screw up or the car fails. Jim Clark and Aryton Senna, two of the four or five greatest drivers in history both died in crashes. If can happen to them, it can happen to a part time wanna be like Walker.

      1. Even if you have the skill to drive a car that is that high strung, and it is questionable that Walker did, no amount of driving skill is going to get you out of trouble if you hit the wrong bump or piece of debris.

        A bit of Tulpidic pedantry: Walker wasn’t driving: Roger Rodas was.

        1. I didn’t know that. That is not being pedantic at all. If he was the passenger, you can’t blame Walker at all. What was he supposed to do, grab the wheel? Jump out?

          1. The fact is both men were reasonably accomplished amateur racers. They were in the same racing team. I suspect that their driving abilities were approximately equivalent.

            So everything you said also applies to Rodas as well.

            1. Brooks makes the salient point below. The tires on the car were 9 years old and it had been a garage queen sitting around showrooms its entire life. They were too stupid to live to drive a car that hadn’t been driven in so long that hard.

          2. yeah I didn’t know that either.

      2. “Race tracks are kept meticulously smooth”

        AHAAHHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHA
        AHAAHHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHA
        AHAAHHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHA

        NO.

        1. Ahh, compared to ordinary roads they certainly are. Maybe they have pot holes and frost heaves at the tracks you go to but they don’t at any one I have ever been around.

          1. This guy is just here to talk shit.

  41. Consumer confidence hits highest level since Jan. 2008
    Nanci Hellmich, USA TODAY 11:02 a.m. EDT March 25, 2014

    Consumer confidence jumped in March as people were more upbeat about future job prospects.

    The Conference Board Consumer Confidence Index rose to 82.3, up from 78.3 in February. It’s the first reading above 82 since last June, and the highest reading since January 2008.

    Jan 2008? But The Peanuts say everyone is miserable!

    1. So, last June it was nearly this high, and then faded.

      I’ll wait for confirmation, thanks.

    2. “But The Peanuts say everyone is miserable!”

      Apparently you don’t remember 2008.

    3. What’s U6 again? Labor Participation Rate?

  42. not in a clever way, but in a way a teenager might mock somebody.

    That’s pretty much the extent of her repertoire.

  43. maybe they should get a few broomsticks…that might get people interested in their religious freedom…

    Maybe you should take that broomstick out of your ass.

    1. You sure know how to smack down a lighthearted joke!

  44. So the shreeks of the world will only give up on it after they, personally, get bit by it.

    NEEDZ MOAR TWEEKS

    1. I am not really sure you can judge all liberals by a retard with mental issues and poor impulse control.

    1. I got sent home from a public school for having long hair. Multiple times.

      1. Why do you think anyone cares.

    2. So what? It is a private school. They can set whatever standards they want. If the parents don’t like it, they should send their kid to another school.

        1. Totally shitty. But, they probably appeal to a demographic of parents who don’t think such an act is shitty. So they were probably just pleasing their customers.

          1. Exactly, and if you arent in that demographic, send your kid to a different private school which is okay with boyish 8 year old girls…ie, all the rest.

      1. My boarding school had a weird facial hair rule. no beards/mustaches etc. but long sideburns were ok. Anyway, I spent my junior year sporting some ridiculous sideburns.

        1. So as long as there’s a gap on the chin, you just have two long sideburns, not a beard, right?

          1. Pretty much, but more Fat Elvis than General Burnside.

    3. And as its a private school, that is okay.

      I mean, we can still mock them, but that is the point of separation of school and state.

    4. Of course the school is within their rights to do this, provided they aren’t receiving public funds.

      And honestly, that little girl is no worse off in public schools, all things considered.

      She looks like any poor kid from this area. Jeans, sweats, ten-dollar haircut.

      1. My public school received public funds and they sent me home for having long hair, but the girls were allowed to have hair even longer than mine was. Was that public school “within its rights” to send me home and tell me not to come back until I had a more “masculine” hair style?

        1. No. No, they weren’t.

          Also: Hippie!

          1. That’s what I told the sons of bitches, but they didn’t seem to care.

            They said my hair was “distracting.” I asked, “More distracting than your stopping class to pull me out? That’s a moronic argument and anyone who wasn’t a moron would recognize that.” I guess I was lucky they didn’t call the cops.

            The upside was that that got me an extra three days of not having to go to school.

            1. Wow, I’m shocked you’re still crying like a fucking bitch about it.

              I got over my school shit when I grew up, so at least you have that to look forward to.

        2. “they sent me home for having long hair, ”

          Yeah we know, how many times are you gonna whine about something nobody else gives a fuck about?

  45. Race tracks are kept meticulously smooth and they stop races to remove debris for a reason.

    Interesting tidbit of information in that story: that car had spent its entire life sitting around in showrooms, and the tires were NINE YEARS OLD. Those two guys died because they were too stupid to live.

    1. Yeah, just because there is tred doesn’t mean there isn’t dry rot from the rubber getting old.

      You are a nut to take a garage queen car and drive it hard to begin with. Cars don’t do well sitting around. They are not diesel engined tractors that you can leave in a field for three years and show up one day with a new battery and turn over.

      You are right. They were too stupid to live.

  46. Hypothetical question time: Let’s say North Korea launches a missile towards Japan with no real intent of hitting the country. It’s a so-called “test missile.” The missile detonates in the Sea of Japan as expected but in the process, it destroys a Japanese fishing vessel with 50 sailors on board, none of whom survive. What is Japan’s response and does our fearless leader say or do anything about it?

    1. That’s quite the hypothetical as accidentally hitting a ship would be an extraordinarily rare event. They can’t even find the malayasia flight debris.

      1. I know it would be rare but that’s why it’s a hypothetical question. I just think that if something like this scenario happened, it would cause a huge clusterfuck.

        1. Meh. I don’t think the Norks have the technology to take out a boat at long range, so it would be classified an accident.

      2. The ocean is large and the debris are small. Remember, we’re talking suitcases and seat cushions here; the plane itself is presumed to have sunk.

    2. Wait for the mutant fish-lizards to rise from the ocean depths and take their revenge. I mean, I can’t believe that you would overlook something that obvious!

      1. +1 Ichthyosaur

    3. First, agreeing with waffles, that’s a huge hypothetical for a random missile to destroy a fishing boat which was not the missile’s target.

      I would imagine that it would take a while to figure out the boat was missing, and even longer to conclude that the missile had destroyed her. Not sure that fishing boats report their location to anyone on more than a daily basis (if that). So, they’d have to find the boat wreckage on the ocean floor and find missile wreckage in the same area, which could take some time.

      I would imagine that the response would be nuanced diplomacy, the same that we would expect from other nations if a piece of de-orbiting US spacecraft nailed a Canadian fishing trawler.

    4. Japan’s response is hard to judge since they don’t really possess much in the way of offensive military capability. My bet is they would seek reparations through diplomatic channels and depending on the response they got may very well start looking are repealing the clause in their constitution which prevents them from having an offensive military.

      As for Obama, I’m sure he’d say something and he would probably dispatch a couple of Aegis destroyers to the area with orders to shoot down any missiles launched from North Korea and that would be about it.

      There is no chance we would invade North Korea over such a trivial incident and since Japan lacks the capability to attack nothing else would be likely to happen.

    5. North Korea sent commandos to Japan and kidnapped 12 year old girls, and Japan did nothing.

    6. What is Japan’s response

      That’s the hard question.
      and does our fearless leader say or do anything about it?

      That’s easy. Of course not, unless he needs to kiss up to the Chinese for some reason, in which case he chews out the Japanese for interfering with the Nork missile test.

  47. OT: I am in my 8th month in business. I almost broke even (for 2014, I am in the black, but I still haven’t made up for expenses in 2013). I feel addicted to money – addicted might be the wrong word, let’s say I have a healthy dependence on getting paid. And I am so much happier when I am busy.

    1. What kind of business do you run?

      1. Solo law practice.

        1. I remembered the law part. I’m a small firm (2) guy. What makes up most of your practice? Aside from chasing down clients who don’t feel the need to pay.

          1. Family Law referral is what pays the bills right now. (70 percent, I’d guess) I am also doing some property and non-profit work.

            1. I do a lot of Family Law too. Rounded out with some “beach law” (dui,traffic, possesion etc.) and magistrate level civil stuff.

          2. I definitely do not regret this decision. I have friends who graduated & passed the bar with me who are still looking for work (and some of them had higher class rankings). And I always knew this was a possibility. It’s just hard to be patient.

    2. Congrats. Good luck.

    3. I tried to hang up my own shingle. Failed miserably. No talent for marketing and sales. Some of us are just born corporate cogs.

      Good luck!

  48. iI feel addicted to money

    Evil one per center, eh?

    We’ll tax you into penury, for your own good.

  49. Three Secret Service agents have been sent home from the Netherlands after spending a night drinking in Amsterdam ahead of President Obama’s arrival.

    Must have been some of the non-Mormon secret service agents. Used to know a secret service agent at my old ward who said they hired a lot of Mormons, apparently because they were considered extremely trustworthy.

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