Russia Waiting for Crimea Vote Outcome, Sam Adams Pulls Out of Boston Parade, More Clinton Documents Released: P.M. Links

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  Credit: PetroleumJelliffe / Foter / CC BY-ND

  Secretary of State John Kerry said it appears Russia is not going to make any decisions about Ukraine until this weekend's Crimea referendum. (Read more about that vote here)

• The search for missing Malaysian Airlines flight MH370 is now focusing on a remote island chain in the Indian Ocean and areas hundreds of miles from the plane's intended flight path.
• Beer company Sam Adams has pulled its sponsorship of Boston's St. Patrick's Day parade due to its exclusion of gay groups.
• A Muslim couple in England has been sentenced to prison for posting videos praising the murder last year of a British soldier by two Muslim extremists in the country.
• Things to not do on social media: threaten to shoot somebody if you get 100 retweets on Twitter.
• Another batch of documents from the Bill Clinton presidency was released by the National Archives today. Some of the topics include discussion surrounding the 2000 election and the recount in Florida and the activities of Hillary Clinton, which will undoubtedly be heavily analyzed for anything usable/mockable.

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Comments

[Fist of Etiquette]

Secretary of State John Kerry said it appears Russia is not going to make any decisions about Ukraine until this weekend's Crimea referendum.

Get out of Crimea or else Obama is going to give every Russian worker overtime pay.

[Jerry on the boat]

Even worse, he is going to give them health insurance.

[Sudden]

But he'll tell them they can keep their old plans if they want.

[CE]

Can't we just offer to let the crack Obamacare web team create an online site for the Crimean political affiliation referendum? That ought to defuse the situation for a few years.

[The Immaculate Trouser]

We should create a petition for that very thing on the White House web site, so that it will be promptly ignored once it hits the required number of signatures.

[Jim in Denver]

If you like your country, you can keep your country...

[wagnert in atlanta]

We should teach Putin a lesson about invading your neighbors. We should invade Canada and see how he likes it.

[The DerpRider]

Cross this line...

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Hello.

[The DerpRider]

Good afternoon, RJF!

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Dems fighin' wirds!

[Cyto]

I find the Russian side of that equation more interesting than poking at Obama - "not going to make any decisions...." Really? Other than having an occupying army in place, that is.

Pretty hilarious. Not quite Tariq Aziz level of bald-faced, but pretty ballsy.

[The Kook Klub Kid]

I used to love that guy on the talk shows.

[BiMonSciFiCon]

Another batch of documents from the Bill Clinton presidency was released by the National Archives today. Some of the topics include discussion surrounding the 2000 election and the recount in Florida and the activities of Hillary Clinton, which will undoubtedly be heavily analyzed for anything usable/mockable.

Anything that comes out of it will be labeled a phony scandal.

[Pro Libertate]

Seems unlikely that a federal agency would release something damaging to the Democrats in any material sense right now.

[Brett L]

How fitting, seeing that the Clinton's pioneered the Friday afternoon bad news press release.

[CE]

What difference, at this point, does it make?

[Neoliberal Kochtopus]

The search for missing Malaysian Airlines flight MH370 is now focusing on a remote island chain in the Indian Ocean and areas hundreds of miles from the plane's intended flight path.

They should look for the constantly blinking turn signal.

[Almanian!]

+1...

hundred thousand blinks...

[The DerpRider]

Probably inappropriate.

[Injun, as in from India]

Secretary of State John Kerry said it appears Russia is not going to make any decisions about Ukraine until this weekend's Crimea referendum. (Read more about that vote here)

If Crimeans vote the wrong way, Russia will intervene. If they vote the right way, Russia will intervene.

[SusanM]

More like "If it's 95% pro-Ukraine it's rigged and if it's 50.0001% pro-Russia it's a mandate for complete conquest from god."

[seguin]

Don't worry, from what I hear there is no pro-Ukraine option on the ballot.

[SusanM]

Good! So the choices are either "stay" or "don't leave". Stalin would be proud. Especially when Putin demands to count the votes.

[Fist of Etiquette]

The search for missing Malaysian Airlines flight MH370 is now focusing on a remote island chain in the Indian Ocean and areas hundreds of miles from the plane's intended flight path.

Until Ben turns the wheel and they all move to purgatory or whatever the fuck.

[MJGreen]

THEY WERE NEVER IN PURGATORY!! GOD WHY DON'T PEOPLE GET THAT!?!1

[CE]

I don't know, maybe because they did in fact find the plane and their bodies at the bottom of the freakin' ocean?

[Injun, as in from India]

A Muslim couple in England has been sentenced to prison for posting videos praising the murder last year of a British soldier by two Muslim extremists in the country.

Move along folks. Nothing to see here. Let's focus on the actions of the dirty Christian, Hindu, Jewish, and Atheist infidels instead.

[Tonio]

Buddhists, never forget the Buddhists, Injun. [Looks in direction of HM]

[Rich]

Royal Barnes [and] Rebekah Dawson

Well, *there's* the couple's mistake. If they had only changed their names to Muhammed and Fatima, the way they were supposed to ?

[Rich]

Royal Barnes [and] Rebekah Dawson

Well, *there's* the couple's mistake. If they had only changed their names to Muhammed and Fatima, the way they were supposed to ?

[Apatheist ?_??]

They should still be allowed to do that. We should be focusing on the the British governments restrictions on free speech instead.

[The Laconic Marc F Cheney]

Yeah. Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK UK?

[Brett L]

Russia roundup:

My hovercraft is full of missiles. If only Russian surface to surface missiles were nicknamed "eels"

Russia claims to have Downed a US drone. Whoops.

[Pro Libertate]

Huh. Spy drone, not armed drone, I assume. Also assuming it's not just some lie the Russians cooked up.

Technically, we can overfly all we want if the Ukrainian government gave us permission, right?

[Rich]

Whoops.

Yep. There goes Kerry's threat.

[Rich]

Whoops.

Yep. There goes Kerry's threat.

[Fist of Etiquette]

A Muslim couple in England has been sentenced to prison for posting videos praising the murder last year of a British soldier by two Muslim extremists in the country.

And that's why, if you're an asshole, you don't move somewhere with no 1st Amendment or where not everyone agrees with you.

[Ted S.]

Not death metal. Definitely not death metal.

[The Laconic Marc F Cheney]

Aw Jesus. I tolerated about 11 seconds of that.

Wash your brain out with this:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=f0P8xt-O99M

[Certified Public Asskicker]

Sam Adams Light. Why does it appear in Sam sampler cases?

[GILMORE]

I think that sentence is better rephrased as,

"Sam Adams Light: Why?"

[robc]

Back in the early 90s, Jim Koch promised Sam Adams would never make a light beer.

Damn lying kochtopus.

[Fr?ulein Nikki]

Because sampler cases are always designed to include some shit you didn't want to buy?

[Brett L]

You would think a CPA would understand packaging losers with winners and selling it all at a markup.

[Fr?ulein Nikki]

Hehe, indeed. That was good.

[Certified Public Asskicker]

Oh well, fuck you both.

*Takes his two bottles of Sam Adam's light and goes home*

[Apatheist ?_??]

The opposite strategy is what Shiner does, which is to include the Kosmos Reserve, which is only available in the family pack. So if you want one, you have to buy the whole pack.

[gimmeasammich]

"Mmmm...chocolate!...D'oh! Mmmm...chocolate!...D'oh! Marge! We need some more vanilla, chocolate and strawberry ice cream!"

[Ted S.]

At least it's not as awful as spumoni.

[Brett L]

Hmm. I've been merely whelmed by most of their offerings. Although, I had a much different palette when I taught myself to enjoy Shiner Bock. I'll have to grab a family pack at the store this weekend.

[Apatheist ?_??]

Yes, all there beers are pretty much whelming compared to microbrews. Still, they are all better than the big boys and fall inbetween the two in price range. A case of regular Shiner (or sometimes the blond or hefeweizen) is my go to "cheap" beer. Especially now that it is in cans it is good for floating the river.

[The Laconic Marc F Cheney]

Shiner just sucks. It's not a mystery.

[Bo Cara Esq.]

Dianne Feinstein is the Worst, most Despicable Congressperson, Exhibit C

Feinstein was a co sponsor of and voted for.the McCain Feingold restrictions on political speech.
http://uspolitics.about.com/od.....ingold.htm

[Palin's Buttplug]

stein =/= gold.

Not that I care much.

[Sidd Finch]

There can more than one sponsor, hence the term "co-sponsor."

[Jordan]

Look at the list of sponsors, moron.

[The Laconic Marc F Cheney]

Guys, if you explain it, it ruins the joke that is shriek.

[Sidd Finch]

great job, Woodward

[Neoliberal Kochtopus]

ha!

[mad libertarian guy]

That's a tough competition, but Feinstein never met a bit of liberty she didn't like.

[Brandon]

Wait, what?

[BakedPenguin]

Pretty sure mlg substituted "liberty" when he meant "compulsion."

[mad libertarian guy]

Yeah, I fucked that up.

Didn't should be did.

[Almanian!]

Sam Adams Pulls Out of Boston Parade

And they're worried that the parade DOESN'T include teh gaiz? I don't get it...

[Tonio]

I think it's more that gay groups are excluded from participating (as in marching, having floats).

[Almanian!]

Yeah, I know....:)

[Injun, as in from India]

They value inclusion. Private dollars, private values.

"A corporation of conscientious men is a corporation with a conscience." -- Henry David Thoreau

[Almanian!]

Sounds like Sam Adams has its privates up the parade's arse...or maybe I'm reading that wrong.

BUT - it's all in private good fun, so no harm...

[Injun, as in from India]

That quote from Thoreau, by the way, is one of my favorites. Just pull that out anytime you hear a committed leftist say "corporations aren't people".

[a better weapon]

The brewer said it would continue to sponsor the annual St. Patrick's Day Breakfast, which is regularly attended by most of the state's major politicians. That is also on Sunday.

That's how you do it, Mr. Adams! Go get your bread buttered behind closed doors, but turn your nose up in indignation and froth up some faux outrage for good PR.

[Ted S.]

Is there any stereotype of gays drinking Sam Adams beer?

(I don't drink beer at all, so I don't know much of anything about beer preference stereotypes.)

[Tonio]

Not AFAIK. Twinks stereotypically drink "lite beer" [shudders] to avoid teh caloriez. Other than that, no.

[Bill Dalasio]

Okay, not that I have any problem with Sam Adams' position, but isn't the St. Patrick's Day Parade, strictly speaking, a Roman Catholic thing? If so, it seems a bit odd to insist they should include a float or references to bahaviors that they consider sinful?

[Brett L]

Once the city starts closing down streets and putting up money, I think there's a good argument for accommodation and inclusion.

[Bill Dalasio]

Well, honestly, that presupposes the legitimacy of closing down streets and putting up money. I'd question the appropriateness of public subsidy of what can only really be characterized as a religious festival or a celebration of ethnic identity.

[BiMonSciFiCon]

"St. Patrick's Day, the day when everyone is a little Irish, except, of course, for the gays, and the Italians."

[Brett L]

I'm sure there's plenty of gays who get a little Irish in them on St. Paddy's Day.

[BiMonSciFiCon]

"little Irish." That's just a stereotype.

[jesse.in.mb]

I'll do some research while I'm in Dublin in April.

Speaking of, any Dublin and her environs recommendations? I'll be there for 8 days, one of which will be spent driving cross-country to Limerick so my roommate can get a tattoo while I try to find some Irish to sleep with.

[BiMonSciFiCon]

Try to find a bar that serves Guinness.

I was last there 9 years ago when I was 19 and went with my parents. Don't remember too much other than the Guinness tour and it being generally really cool. Galway was fun, too, if you get a chance to check it out. My favorite place was Dingle. The weather was horrible but we were determined to get some beers. We walked into a random bar and a crowd of locals wouldn't let us in until I sang a song. Then we proceeded to buy each other rounds for the next few hours. Great people.

[Apatheist ?_??]

The Guiness Brewery tour is just your typical big brewery tour but in my opinion the view of the city from the top of the brewery at the end is worth the price alone.

[Stormy Dragon]

When you visit an Irish Pub, whatever you do, don't order a Black and Tan or a Car Bomb.

[jesse.in.mb]

Irish coffee?

[Stormy Dragon]

That's okay, just nothing making a reference to The Troubles.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Among the best lines in the Simpsons catalog.

[jesse.in.mb]

I think the celebration of St. Patrick's Day is about as Catholic as Halloween is Druidic at this point.

According to the website:

1901 was the very first celebration of Evacuation or St. Patrick's Day Parade. It was on the 125th Anniversary, on the day General George Washington and the Continental Army forced the British to end the occupancy of Boston.

[paranoid android]

The Church also looks down on corruption and wanton cruelty, and yet they let the cops march...

[Bill Dalasio]

Good point.

[Dr. Frankenstien]

The cops are good to drop some of the lucre into the collection plate and say a few Hail Marys after confession.

[Bill Dalasio]

That said, I do think you're being a little unfair to gay people....comparing the to cops....

[Hillary's Clitdong]

If so, it seems a bit odd to insist they should include a float or references to bahaviors that they consider sinful?

Then why would they allow Sam Adams to participate in the parade in the first place?

[DRM]

The Roman Catholic Church has never said a word against consuming alcohol in general or beer in particular.

The idea that alcohol is sinful was invented by Muhammad, and while it's wormed its way into the ideas of some English-speaking Protestant sects, it's not something most of the Christian world has ever bought into.

[Tonio]

Several points:

I believe the parade organizers have to get a very expensive permit from the city and pay for extra police, etc. So, it's a private event.

I would hope that the city would treat the organizers no differently than they would the Moose Lodge or the Chartered Accountants of Boston should they mount similar parades.

I do have a major case of the red-ass about street closures, no matter who is doing them. I want to be compensated if my travel is inconvenienced of if I'm effectively blockaded into my neighborhood. Hey, you kids, get off my lawn.

[CE]

They want more of a Mardi Gras or Carnivale feel.

[The Laconic Marc F Cheney]

St Patricks Day, aka Christmas for Assholes? You want to pin that on the Catholics, go ahead.

[Brett L]

My friend's letter to the sponsor of FL HB 1329 -- which prohibits guest taps at breweries if they don't use a distributor. Fuck Big Beer!

[Injun, as in from India]

That was awfully polite, but your friend has something important at stake here. I hope ordinary citizens write something less polite and more - colorful?

[Brett L]

I think they're trying the polite route first. If it passes the House, we'll start shit-flinging in the Senate. Personally, I think they should just ban lobbyists from Fermentation Lounge, Proof, Momos and every other joint here that brews or heavily features craft beer. Let them drink Bud!

[Rufus J. Firefly]

A daycare owner asked me my opinion on what to do regarding a shameless decision by the department that oversees who gets subsidies in Quebec. She was screwed (what else is new in Quebec?) royally and was fuming. She's a fighter. She wanted to storm the Bastille so to speak. She asked if she should go to the media.

I calmed her down and told her that going to the media first without an abundance of facts and explanations was bound to work against her in a province that sees private enterprise with suspicion. We're the enemy.

Be rational, get your facts and if you don't like what you hear then you go to the media and attack if you must.

But always ALWAYS be polite when dealing with thin-skinned, sociopaths otherwise known as bureaucrats because nothing can come good of it.

[The DerpRider]

Founders KBS is getting released this week. We have two tickets to buy four packs from the brewery.

[GILMORE]

I think people in the beer business - particularly small breweries and brewpubs - need to do a better job of educating consumers/voters what the issues are with State laws regarding beer, rather than simply making out that the fight is between 'big beer' and 'the little guy'.

Because what is meant of as "big beer" in this case is in fact the State by State, region-by-region monopolies held by *distributors*, and the exclusive rights they hold in providing access to retail and on-premise consumers.

yes, the Bud & MillerCoors (Red and Blue) 'systems' are partners in the stranglehold that distributors have via the Three-Tier laws, but its really not brewer-versus-brewer in this case, but rather Distributors Versus All, in attempting to create even more legal restrictions that cement their role in the marketplace such that they can control and command product availability.

A free-er marketplace would likely benefit ALL brewers, to the detriment of the middle-tier. The thing protecting the distributors for decades has been their deep connections to labor and local politicians. While I am aware that there are some decent arguments for preservation of wholesaler independence, laws like the above simply make them out to appear as the controlling-thugs that they often mocked as.

I don't think there's any benefit trying to selling the public an Anti-'Big Beer' message when the real opponent to consumer choice are the local state distribution monopolies.

[mad libertarian guy]

Anyone have any suggestions for e cig MODS or accessories?

Currently I'm using standard eGo Twist batteries (650 and 1300mah) with Kanger ProTank Mini 2 and Kanger ProTank 2 tanks. I'm happy, but looking for other options in order to hone in my vaping experience.

I just ordered a Innoken CoolFire 1 MOD with fixed 8.5 watt output (good for 2.2 ohm heads). I've also ordered a couple of Aspire ET-S BDC Glassomizers and replacement heads to give a try.

I'm really only interested in glass tanks.

Any suggestions will be researched!

NOTE: I've been vaping for almost 4 years now using standard cigarette-style ecigs and have recently switched to the eGo style vaporizers, so I'm not really interested in cigarette-style suggestions.

[Almanian!]

I'd recommend Marlboro Reds, but that's just me.

[Ted S.]

I've been vaping for almost 4 years now

Four years, and it hasn't been a gateway to actual cigarettes or harder drugs? 😉

[Rich]

Sounds like a gateway to gaping, though.

[Rich]

*vaping* *vaping* Argh!

[The DerpRider]

/drops mic.

[Ted S.]

No wonder I didn't get your joke. 😉

[Bobarian]

Wouldn't have been a good joke, but maybe Rich is a little sweet (sweat?) on MLG?

http://www.urbandictionary.com.....erm=gaping

[gimmeasammich]

Sounds like a gateway to gaping, though.

+1 goatse

[mad libertarian guy]

Yes and no.

Ecigs certainly introduced me to vaping in general. Make of that what you will.

But they are also the only thing that worked with getting me to quit cigarettes, which when you have a heart attack at the ripe old age of 33, you tend to want to do.

[Fr?ulein Nikki]

in order to hone in my vaping experience

The following is a public service announcement.

One hones things to improve them in a tailored fashion. One homes in on something one is trying to focus on or get nearer to.

[Tonio]

Thank you for keeping up the standards, Nicole.

[Bobarian]

That's why she's the WORST.

[mad libertarian guy]

Which is why I used hone.

Varying voltages and wattages, matching them with resistances in the heads (which contain the coils) and the viscosity of the juice can tailor the vaping experience to get it just right.

Hence honing.

[Neoliberal Kochtopus]

yea! great minds!

[Fr?ulein Nikki]

No, but you can't hone in. You hone, or home in.

[mad libertarian guy]

That's news to me. And Webster's.

to move toward or focus attention on an objective

It certainly is an alteration of home in (thought to be done by fighter pilots in the 50s), but it's been in English usage for nearly 50 years now. That's long enough to be rid of the vocab Nazis.

[Brett L]

Tow the lion! Using the wrong allusion is wrong.

[The Laconic Marc F Cheney]

I'm going to hone in my knives, they're getting dull.

Yep, it's horrible.

[Neoliberal Kochtopus]

Couldn't he be trying to improve his e-cig experience by tailoring his equipment?

[Tonio]

Use the vaping to cut down, then quit.

[paranoid android]

Oh, hey, a vaping thread, just what I was hoping for.

I know little about the available brands and products available for vaping, but I'm looking to change that. What would you suggest for someone as a "starter kit"? How much did the one you use set you back--and where'd you get it?

[Neoliberal Kochtopus]

I like my blu.

[mad libertarian guy]

I bought my at AltSmoke, a retail chain of vape shops.

The eGo style battery is pretty standard for the beginner (I have the 1300mah batteries). Most companies have their own branded battery, some are fixed voltages, others are variable voltages. I would suggest a simple eGo Twist style battery with a Kanger ProTank mini 2 (or two or three of them). Pick out a charger and juice you like, and vape on.

(Cont due to ridiculous link restrictions)

[mad libertarian guy]

There are tons and tons of juices to consider.

I personally like juice from a local company here in Lexington, KY called 723 which focuses on clarity of flavor rather than sweetness. Their Orange Cream and Black Cherry flavors are sublime. Their Grape Sucker flavor is the best grape I've tried.

Another one I'm pretty fond of is Uncle Junk's Bettie White. It's a Pomegranate/Apple hybrid that is crisp and clear with just the right amount of sweetness to balance the acidity.

(Cont even more)

[mad libertarian guy]

Five Pawns also makes some high end ejuice which are fabulous, though a little rich (and expensive) for all day vaping. Currently my favorite of theirs is Gambit.

As far as tanks go, I'd suggest the Kanger Protank mini 2. It holds a good amount of ejuice, and vapes like a dragon. Get a couple. You can get the big brother Protank 2 as well. It's the same tank only it holds more juice. I would suggest staying with glass. Most tanks are polycarbonate, but I like the idea of glass so as not to affect flavor.

Hope this helps.

[paranoid android]

Oh, I'm sure it will, thanks!

[Coeus]

808 threading is the way to go. The battery tech is now good enough that you can get a long-lasting cigarette style and they now have nano clearomizers. Also, the draw is better because the air flow is outside the threads, instead of through the battery like the others.

An 808 nano clearomizer.

[Coeus]

Although I still use my twist when making various fluids, as different chemicals need different temps.

[mad libertarian guy]

But the 808 clearomizers are few and far between. I have a Halo system which uses 808 threads, and it vapes great, but there are so few tanks that fit (without adapters) that it just wasn't worth it.

[Coeus]

True, but the superior battery life vs the size as well as the draw make it worth it to me.

[Coeus]

I have the protank mini 2 and I never use it anymore.

[mad libertarian guy]

Perhaps. But my analysis of it is that it's better to have access to the available 510 thread/eGo accessories (which is the vast majority of them) than slightly improved battery life.

[Coeus]

It clips like a pen in my pocket, no leakage (you know this is a problem with ego and 510, especially in the heat), and the battery life is comperable to the 900mah ego. Also, the battery connections are better (due to not drawing air through them), as I never have the problems with connections like i do with the ego line.

[Hillary's Clitdong]

Currently I'm using standard eGo Twist batteries (650 and 1300mah) with Kanger ProTank Mini 2 and Kanger ProTank 2 tanks. I'm happy, but looking for other options in order to hone in my vaping experience.

I just ordered a Innoken CoolFire 1 MOD with fixed 8.5 watt output (good for 2.2 ohm heads). I've also ordered a couple of Aspire ET-S BDC Glassomizers and replacement heads to give a try.

Oh God, I knew it was only a matter of time before we started to see vaping nerds. Pretty soon they'll be overclocking their ecigs.

[Neoliberal Kochtopus]

yeah once the "boutique" vaping store opened in the hipster neighborhood next door, I knew it was over.

[Coeus]

Oh God, I knew it was only a matter of time before we started to see vaping nerds

Until very recently, the only vapers were vaping nerds. You had to do your research. The market has now advanced to the point where you can just buy something and it'll probably work fairly well.

[db]

They'll be painting flames on the.sides and turbocharging them.

"It's like my e-cig is tearin' ass around the backyard!"

[Ted S.]

Beer company Sam Adams has pulled its sponsorship of Boston's St. Patrick's Day parade due to its exclusion of gay groups.

I just heard on a local radio station's community calendar that a local Episcopal Church is going to be holding a St. Patrick's Day corned beef and cabbage dinner.

God knows there are a lot of Irish Episcopalians out there....

[Tonio]

That is rather funny.

[Brett L]

Orange Irish. This is why America is great. Its like Mexicans descended from Napoleon IV's army celebrating Cinco de Mayo.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

You mean Napoleon III?

[Brett L]

Shit. Too lazy to wiki. I am ashamed.

[Ted S.]

A completely different Napoleon

[Notorious G.K.C.]

Lord, I envision myself saying that in a Comic-Book Guy voice.

[Almanian!]

REminds me of when I went to Scotland one year and brought home for my Roman Catholic boss a nice tankard from....The Glasgow Rangers 🙂 He didn't get it, and proudly displayed the mug in his office. I never did buy him a Celtic mug, despite several return visits....

[Rufus J. Firefly]

I get the joke.

And that was mean of you!

[Notorious G.K.C.]

C. S. Lewis was an Irish Episcopalian.

[Ted S.]

I thought he was a convert to Catholicism.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

He was born Anglican, went through an atheist phase, and Tolkien (a Catholic), induced him to go back to Anglicanism.

[flye]

The Anglican Book of Common Prayer used to have some pretty awesome prayers beseeching God to smite the pope.

[Brett L]

I think Mark Twain used them as a template for the War Prayer.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

The Episcopalians reduced the number of excommunicable offenses to one: Serving the wrong wine at dinner.

Why don't Episcopalians go to orgies? Too many thank-you notes to write afterwards.

How many Episcopalians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three - one to ask Consuela the maid to do it, and two to argue about whether it's time to get a more environmentally-friendly light bulb.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Like Italian Baptists?

[Rufus J. Firefly]

I just heard on the ratio ICE is no longer allowed to arrest illegal immigrants in court?

Is this accurate?

[The Kook Klub Kid]

One seldom listens to a ratio, so I'm gonna say no.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

RADIO.

[Brett L]

The Atlantic's writeup on Charlie Crist.

Best Quote:

"It's quite unbelievable that Charlie Crist is getting away with this reinvention of himself?this rewriting of history for blatantly political purposes," Navarro says, stabbing at her salad. "Other than his gender, the guy has flip-flopped on everything, and I don't put that past him either."

I was surprised to find that he still has his beard wife.

[Pro Libertate]

He has no chance whatsoever of winning, even against a governor who isn't at all popular. I'd rather have Obama as governor.

[Brett L]

I don't know. I have this cynical dream that I'll get to laugh at all of my Dem friends in 2016 when he's systematically fucking them over. I've already bookmarked this to post every time it happens.

[Pro Libertate]

There's no way. People hated him before all of this, now they really hate him. I'm shocked the state party is stupid enough not to back someone, anyone else to be the Democratic nominee.

[Brett L]

Who do they have on the bench? Alex Sink just got beat in a House Race. Nelson isn't leaving the Senate to fight a GOP statehouse. Debbie Waserman-Shultz is toxic outside of Miami. That is literally all of the Democrat politicians from Florida I can name. Other than a couple of VRA reservations, they're a dead party outside of city and county politics.

[Pro Libertate]

I dunno. Kathy Castor? She's likely losing her seat, anyway, with the GOPocalypse coming in Congress. Not that she's all that well-known, but her mom was in Florida politics for a long time.

They could go for a total newbie, too, following the trend of the party to totally eschew any experience or qualification for office. How about Burt Reynolds? Is he a Democrat?

[Brett L]

Yeah. Its a shallow bench. They've been pretty thoroughly routed. I assume some bright youhg thing is going to find a third-way coalition strategy soon, but it won't be Charlie.

[Pro Libertate]

I suspect that the whole Obamarama is going to make Florida more conservative than ever, too.

[BakedPenguin]

Charlie Crist is basically the model of the sociopath politician.

[Pro Libertate]

Yes, I suspect that President Crist would actually nuke someone.

[Injun, as in from India]

What names could a transgendered Charlie Crist take on?

Cherry Crist?

[mad libertarian guy]

Todtgelichter!

[Notorious G.K.C.]

In the Washington Post, liberal Melinda Henneberger, an abortion moderate, covers a fundraising dinner held by the Susan B. Anthony list, an "extreme" prolife group.

Henneberger listens to the feminist and pro-science rhetoric at the dinner, and then she comments on AP reports about what speakers said:

"And multiple complaints about news media bias seemed pretty accurately reflected in the initial Associated Press report on the dinner, which began this way: "Calling their opponents Satan worshipers and savages, antiabortion lawmakers on Wednesday insisted that Republican contenders keep an intense focus on social issues in the upcoming midterm elections and the 2016 presidential race.''

Only, no one did call their opponents Satan-worshipers or savages; Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Tex.) described an abortion rights protest last year in Austin at which demonstrators shouted "Hail, Satan,'' to drown out antiabortion protesters singing "Amazing Grace."...

"Isn't the political rhetoric about this divide rancorous enough without exaggerating?"

http://www.washingtonpost.com/.....story.html

[Tonio]

Melinda Henneberger, an abortion moderate

Ah, Eddie, there's hope for you yet.

Would it help if I called someone a satan worshipper?

[Notorious G.K.C.]

Would it help if you found a non-stalking-related hobby?

[Neoliberal Kochtopus]

I suggested therapy to him earlier and I got a troll for my troubles.

[Tonio]

Would it help if you found a sense of humor, even a small one?

[Rich]

Anybody else having connectivity problems?

[Tonio]

I blame Satan.

[RightofCenter]

This is where the "there oughta be a law..." feelings come from:

Make reservation with gov't campground. Contract includes no refund/no transfer clause. Freak ice storm shuts down state for 2 days and prevents using reservation. Gov't campground unsympathetic and naturally refuses to refund $. Gov't campground then charges me again for deposit. Blames charging error on ice storm. While on the phone promising a refund for 2nd charge, stupid gov't campground employee presses "charge" instead of "refund," now triple charging me for the reservation I didn't use.

Naturally charges are instantaneous but refunds take 1-2 weeks. So I'm basically loaning the state $132 until they feel like giving it back.

I know I'm hosed because I accepted the no refund contract in the first place, but despite our "the market will correct it" arguments it seems like the consumer never has any power.

[Brett L]

You know, they're probably too stupid to escape if you set their building on fire.

[mad libertarian guy]

That sucks.

I had reservations at a gov campground when an ice storm rolled through and fucked it all up.

I got an unprompted call from the campground 2 days later saying that they are fully refunding my money.

[Palin's Buttplug]

The Jeep Plant Mitt Romney Said Was Moving to China Is Hiring 1,000 Workers in Ohio.

http://www.businessweek.com/ar.....rs-in-ohio

[Brandon]

Oh, people are bringing up Mitt being right about Russia and making Obama look bad, gotta smear Romney. For Chocolate Jesus!

[Palin's Buttplug]

Right about Russia being our #1 foe? You're kidding?

That is like saying Israel is our #1 foe because they keep stealing parts of Palestine.

[Brandon]

Even Weigel thinks you're an idiotic twat.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/wei.....right.html

[Sidd Finch]

How many loose nukes were tracked down in the past year?

Last year, Ezra Klein was among the first to break the news that if there were a 'sequester', the first item on the chopping block would be our unheralded crack squad of heroes who Track Down Loose Nukes.

You know the guys I mean. Sometimes Nukes just get Loose, and you gotta Track Them Down. Hey, it happens. Well after all that's what government is for. And so, we have some guys doing it. Day in, day out. Tracking Down Loose Nukes. They've got tracking devices. They've got sensors. They've got friends in every town and village from here to the Sudan, they speak a dozen languages, they know every local custom, they'll blend in, disappear, you'll never see them again. With any luck, they've got the Loose Nukes already. Only problem: if the government budget is ever constrained in any way, you also gotta fire 'em. Immediately. I don't like it, you don't like it, Ezra Klein doesn't like it, President Obama doesn't like it, but it's the law.

[Tonio]

But National Park Police are double-secret essential and have to remain on duty to keep those old guys out of the memorials in DC.

[Cdr Lytton]

Also the guys throwing cones out across the turnouts.

[lap83]

Now that the ban stick is out, we might as well leave it out.

http://www.psychologytoday.com.....Essentials

The Danger with "Boys Will Be Boys"
Why this phrase should be banned from our vocabulary

I've had a couple different conversations with the teachers at my child's preschool about some of the aggressive behaviors a few of the children have been exhibiting. It has been most alarming to wake up in the morning and have my three-year-old say to me, "I am a robot, I'm going to eat your brain and peel off your skin." I was also concerned to learn that when a child brought in a Ninjago book, the teachers read the book to the children even though Common Sense media reports that this series is best for children 7 and over and has 0/5 educational value, 2/5 for violence and 5/5 for consumerism. When I have expressed my concerns about some of these issues, every conversation has ended the same, with the teacher saying, "Oh you know, boys will be boys."

That statement effectively has ended the conversation because it has left me too stunned and flabbergasted to respond.

5/5 for consumerism, OH NOES!

[The Immaculate Trouser]

We should just cut to the quick of it and ban the words "boy" and "girl". They are such inconvenient terms to our masters...

[Smilin' Joe Fission]

Probably just ban every word except: teathuglican, racist, progressive, equality, "women's rights", privilege, feel, "women's right to choose", fair share, koch, gun nut, etc. etc.

Only prog words are allowed.

[The Immaculate Trouser]

Right exactly, only non-offensive language like "round up the teathuglican gun nuts and throw them in camps while we figure out what to do to their women" should be allowed.

I'm glad we can be reasonable about this.

[Smilin' Joe Fission]

If only. Then we could finally sit down and have a conversation about the real issues in America!

[Brett L]

Once everyone sits to pee.

[Coeus]

Been reading the nordic feminist links downthread, I assume.

[GILMORE]

I don't entirely know what to make of the below... but I approve:

I sympathize
Submitted by sy sperling on March 14, 2014 - 1:12pm.

""Boys will be boys" is a dangerous attitude because it encourages teasing- the kind of teasing I experienced in grade school, due to my premature baldness.

I went to bed crying many a night. If only I had known then that things would get better, once I came up with my revolutionary hair weave techniques. Today I have a rug and $40 million in the bank- enough for me to pay assassins to track down and eliminate my chldhood tormentors.

Hair Club for Men changed my life and it can change everyone's. And remember, I'm not just the PResident of Hair CLub, I'm also a client.

Peace out.

Sy Sperling

P.S. I'm proud of you Professor Meyer. And there is no chance at all your son will grow up to be a prancing, limp-wristed oversensitive sissy. No chance whatsoever."

[Neoliberal Kochtopus]

I don't entirely know what to make of the below... but I approve:

Oh surely you meant to say "infra"

[Fr?ulein Nikki]

SWOON

[Hillary's Clitdong]

I concur with Nikki's sentiment, supra.

[CE]

Today I have a rug and $40 million in the bank- enough for me to pay assassins to track down and eliminate my chldhood tormentors.

Someone's getting added to the no-fly list....

[Brandon]

We can't let boys be boys! Then they might call me bossy when I tell their school what they are not allowed to read!

[Lady Bertrum]

Such tender, tender concern for her precious, precious child.....

I'm sticking with my New Victorian Era theory. Everyone's a prude - in one way or another.

[Coeus]

Now that the ban stick is out, we might as well leave it out.

"I know it's pretty, baby. But I didn't take it out for air."

[The Immaculate Trouser]

Esteemed Reason contributor links positively to a Marcotte article on Twitter? and you know what? It's actually pretty good!

Just kidding, it's unhinged nonsense which is if anything worse than the usual fare. Enjoy, but please remember to limit your exposure to Marcotte while lifting heavy objects or operating heavy machinery:

The question isn't whether or not legal abortion is moral?outside a few kooks, nearly all non-believers are pro-choice?but whether or not those anti-abortion kooks should be indulged and given the privilege of having everyone treat their shit arguments like they have value

If it's a 'privilege' to have one's arguments addressed rationally, then Amanda's opponents are the most underprivileged people on the planet.

I often feel these "philosophical" debates that focus on the personhood of embryos are conducted as if it never occurred to anyone involved that 1/3 of the female audience has direct, hands-on experience with abortion.

Screw philosophical consistency, and focus on how much we like the people benefitting from a status quo where some human life is treated as more worthy than others: eh, I liked this argument better when it came with the "Dixie" musical accompaniment.

[The Immaculate Trouser]

Adoption? Fuck you, seriously. I am not turning my body over for nine months of gaining weight and puking and being tired and suffering and not being able to sleep on my side and going to the hospital for a bout of misery and pain so that some couple I don't know and probably don't even like can have a baby.

"I wish I was in the land of cotton,
Old times they are not forgotten"

Either way, what she wants trumps the non-existent desires of a mindless pre-person that is so small it can be removed in about two minutes during an outpatient procedure. Your cavities fight harder to stay in place.

Clear the streets for the brown battalions,
Clear the streets for the storm division!

This is why, if my birth control fails, I am totally having an abortion. Given the choice between living my life how I please and having my body within my control and the fate of a lentil-sized, brainless embryo that has half a chance of dying on its own anyway, I choose me.

?seriously, is Cytotoxic ghostwriting for Marcotte these days?

[Spoonman.]

Uh, as I recall, you're supposed to sleep on your left side during pregnancy. Sleeping on your back is what is discouraged.

[Sidd Finch]

Who's the mystery Tweeter?

[Neoliberal Kochtopus]

ENB.

[Sidd Finch]

shocking

[Apatheist ?_??]

Kook in the house!

[CE]

I guess I'm one of the few "kooks" who doesn't see the morality in ending an innocent, defenseless human life.

[The Late P Brooks]

Charlie Crist was on CNN last Sunday. It's hard to believe he's not in a straitjacket. The guy is goofy. And not in a harmless way.

[Brett L]

They might as well put a picture of him next to "socially successful psychopath" in the DSM-V.

(No really, I've heard that term twice lately.)

[BakedPenguin]

As I said above, sociopath. Trouble is, it's becoming blatantly clear to about everyone.

[Pro Libertate]

He was viewed as a political hack back when he actually could win an election. It's been pretty sparse pickings in Florida since Bush was in office.

[The Immaculate Trouser]

Secretary of State John Kerry said it appears Russia is not going to make any decisions about Ukraine until this weekend's Crimea referendum.

I'm sure they're waiting with bated breath on a vote which means nothing in a country they occupy where the opposition hasn't had a chance to campaign and when the referendum is vague enough to be interpreted in Russia's favor no matter what happens.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

In behind the scenes Quebec news: I have sources and friends in the Native community here. Let's just say they're sharpening their knives at the prospect of dealing with that psycho Marois and the PQ.

Aren't we all!

[Brett L]

May they take many scalps.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

I'm in venting mood today.

We hired a black girl recently. She's of African descent. And as the fine folks here know, Africans can be a rather educated, polite, and multilingual lot.

One of the parents asked if she 'spoke French' adding he's 'for Quebec.' Code for 'I'm an ignorant separatist douchebag unaware of how stupid I sound in public.'

That's the PQ base.

[Smilin' Joe Fission]

It is amazing how much the French can get away with here in Canada.

I would be pro separation if I know Canada would cut off the money spigot. But knowing how pussy Ottawa is when it comes to Quebec I could see Quebec separating and Ottawa still stealing money from the other provinces to fund all of Quebec's welfare programs.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Smilin', it's amazing indeed. Especially when you consider and realize they're doing this under the Canadian flag.

They are still a province. They are not a nation. Yet, Ottawa is too chicken shit to come out with a statement saying "NO, you fucktwats, you will not piggy back off our military, use our passports or currency. You want out? Get the fuck out."

I'd make a great speech writer.

[Fr?ulein Nikki]

Ha. If only they knew what francophone Africans thought of the way they speak French. I told a Cameroonian once that I lived in Montreal and he started laughing and saying "?a" over and over again with that low "a" sound...you know what I mean, Rufus.

[Rufus J. Firefly]

Yes. I do.

They consider it 'country' or 'rural' French.

The state of French language instruction is poor to boot.

I dunno. I guess it would be like how the Brits make fun of Canadian or American english. I don't get too caught up in that.

[The Immaculate Trouser]

I think we've used up all the good Native American jokes on Lizzie Warren -- and sadly, they're not a renewable resource...

[Fr?ulein Nikki]

Say hi to Catherine Tekakwitha for me!

[The Laconic Marc F Cheney]

Let's just say they're honing in on their knives.

[Notorious G.K.C.]

Bill Kristol

"So American war-weariness isn't new. Using it as an excuse to avoid maintaining our defenses or shouldering our responsibilities isn't new, either. But that doesn't make it admirable....

"...In fact, the idol of war-weariness can be challenged. A war-weary public can be awakened and rallied. Indeed, events are right now doing the awakening. All that's needed is the rallying....

"Will no brave leader step forward to honorably awaken us from our unworthy sleep?"

Includes a Shakespearian citation...to "Henry VI, Part 1 (Act IV, Scene 4)" (some cowardly English nobleman doesn't want to fight the French in the totally-worth-it 100 years' war).

http://www.weeklystandard.com/.....4895.html#

[Brett L]

Hey Bill, when was the last time you shouldered a rifle and walked a patrol in Kabul?

[Pro Libertate]

War is expensive, ugly, destructive in lives and resources, and often results in undesired consequences, even when your military prevails. So it should be a last resort, not your go-to plan.

[Bill Dalasio]

Excuse me while I vomit.

Kristol doesn't even bother to make a case for whatever the latest drain of blood and treasure he's advocating at this point. He just argues for war for war's sake.

People are "war-weary" becuase the last war didn't get us anything but dead bodies and a shitload of money down the drain. What the fuck is wrong with this clown that he can't even be bothered to attach his arguments to actual facts?

[Bill Dalasio]

Moreover, what the fuck is wrong with news consumers that they continue to take this guy as a "pundit"?

[The Immaculate Trouser]

Hey Bill, why don't you fuck right off. "War weariness" should be the natural state of humanity; we've had enough of them that we don't need any more. Thanks to people like you worming their way into our government and foreign government's, we're guaranteed to have many more in the future, but that fact is hardly worth celebrating.

[Smilin' Joe Fission]

He is the reason wars even begin. That type of person. Ready at any moment to send OTHER people to fight and die for whatever cause he deems valid.

What a vile being. What a waste of biology.

[Bill Dalasio]

Ummmm...I do hope you were referring to Kristol.

[The Immaculate Trouser]

Yes. The placement of your comment above supra mine was... inconvenient, heh.

[Brandon]

He's lying, Bill. He was totally talking to you. Why don't you and him fight?

[CE]

Or you can draft someone to fight for you.

[BiMonSciFiCon]

This seems appropriate here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWloySIHcvg

[sasob]

...activities of Hillary Clinton, which will undoubtedly be heavily analyzed for anything usable/mockable.

How difficult could it be to find something mockable about that phony old barracuda?

[Smilin' Joe Fission]

Silhouette man wonders.. WTF is wrong with Americans

Or.. why can't we steal more taxpayer money so that university/college can be free for everyone because everyone knows that without a degree you are a useless human and doomed to fail.

[Pro Libertate]

Fine. No military for the EU, one year.

[Smilin' Joe Fission]

Whenever I see that military expenditure argument by the rest of the world I wonder what they would say if Russia moved to start conquering Europe and America did nothing.

[Pro Libertate]

Europe is fucking subsidized by the U.S. Not just by our military, either. So is Japan.

You're welcome, world.

[DJF]

How about a shortcut and don't raise taxes, just require college teachers and administrators work for free. We will call it voluntary community service.
🙂

[Smilin' Joe Fission]

No no no. Only society must work for free to pay teachers/schools so students can go to school for free, learn about their bisexuality, get a degree in liberal arts, and become DJ's.

[Brandon]

For HuffPo, this actually isn't particularly bad. It doesn't directly promote any new government activity or taxation, it doesn't directly blame Republicans, and it's fairly coherent. But I am linking to it because it is tiresome whining by an "Aspiring author and editor," that includes this: The American Dream had been effectively reshaped overnight, by greedy men in business suits hellbent on building a wall. I mean a street. Or both. Wall Street.

Yeah, an aspiring author thought that was actually a clever play on words. Might there be a reason this guy has had trouble finding a job?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/.....37236.html

[Palin's Buttplug]

HuffPo and Kos have this zany theory that Wall St bankers "stole" all the homes they had to foreclose on for lack of payment. They even stole and evicted while the payments were still current!

It is stupid - rivaled only by the wingnut theory that the feds "forced" banks to loan trillions to black people who could never repay and the whole thing fell apart in 2008.

[Coeus]

It's true: New Yorkers eating up deep dish

hehe

[Coeus]

Really?? No takers? Cat got your embryos foreskins tongues?

[Tonio]

Good wan, Coeus.

[Coeus]

Good? He's FABULOUS.

[Brett L]

This is how you take on protesters.

[Brett L]

Twitchy is killing me today. This doesn't quite top Pajama Boy, but its close.

[Coeus]

Gender research is different...

The vast majority of Lundgren's scientific production occurs within a scientific tradition that you might call hermeneutic. It's about the interpretations of empirical material develop theoretical understandings of social phenomena. Research is perceived here as a process of interpretation. Good research is in such a perspective is less about "prove" or "test" various hypotheses and more about the basis of different theoretical perspectives, and with a convincing argument, a better understanding of various phenomena. The premise is that the world is not unambiguously imageable. The reality appears differently depending on where you look - what perspective you take.

To see if Lundgren's interpretation keeps undertake the reviewers own "analysis". This is done mainly on the basis of another research tradition, which is closer to the positivist, where the faith of robust evidence is strong. Criticism of Lundgren's research formulated thus based on the idea that the researcher can be neutral, as you write, "try theses". Theory and empirical assumed thus be separate arenas, where empirical data can be used to confirm or falsify the theory.

[Coeus]

The fact that a material can be interpreted differently by others may not automatically lead to the conclusion that Lundgren's research gaps in quality, as one of the reviewers mean.

The review process shows a serious lack of respect for the diverse scientific approach, both theoretically and methodologically. That neither feminist research or qualitative approach has little status in the academy might not be anything new. But that is not even understood as a separate area of ??expertise is troublesome.

Don't you dare hold us to the scientific method. We're beyond that.

[Sidd Finch]

If this is representative, the Nordic feminists are far loonier than ours.

[Coeus]

If this is representative, the Nordic feminists are far loonier than ours.

Doesn't matter, as ours still quote their "research".

[Coeus]

Do nordic feminists live in scotland also?

The Sexual Offences (Scotland) Act 2009 states that rape occurs when a person intentionally or recklessly penetrates another person's vagina, anus or mouth with their penis, where the victim does not consent and the person responsible has no reasonable belief that the victim is giving consent.

In circumstances where penetration is initially consented to but consent is later withdrawn, the person responsible will have committed rape.

The victim can be male or female.

There are proposed changes that have already been made to make it actually make the withdrawn consent part make sense (because, you can see, as written what a bullshit clusterfuck that is) but they have been put on hold for enactment for several years already.

(did more reading on this yesterday. Expect this exact wording to be pushed by feminists in the US soon).

[The Immaculate Trouser]

The main difference between feminism in Scandinavia as opposed to the rest of the world is that in Scandinavia, it is a mass movement and that elsewhere, it is the domain of some cross-section of upper-class and middle-class twits. Otherwise, it is identical across countries: feminist academics from across the Western world cite Nordic feminists, popular feminist sites like Jezebel approvingly cite Sweden as an example, and legislation is lovingly crafted based on the Nordic example.

Fortunately, most of our women recognize it for the nonsense it is, and at least some of our men are willing to be assholes in order to say what must be said about that cancer.

The exception is feminists in non-Western countries, who are essentially isolated from their western ideological sisters-in-name-only and thus don't necessarily hold the corrosive opinions of the western feminist knitting circle. That is probably why most western feminists couldn't give two shits what happens in the Middle East or anywhere outside their own backyards; there aren't any "real" feminists to support anyhow.

[RightofCenter]

This is not funny because you're right, it will happen to us. However, I have to chuckle at the word recklessly. How does one recklessly penetrate someone else with their penis? Do you just go poking around the leg (non rape by this definition) and accidentally slip into their mouth?

[Sidd Finch]

Update on the gay guy who got beat up by the ground:

Kennedy explained the erroneous report to police in another post on Facebook.

"I haven't lied to anyone or about anything, my genuinely [sic] belief was due to previous events in the night and the state I was in, I put 2 and 2 together and unfortunately got 5," wrote Kennedy. "My lack of memory of the night which I made clear from the beginning of the investigation did not support me in any form. There is no evidence to support an attack only to support a fall, it's in my best interest to work with the people who have supported me throughout not against."

Read more: http://dailycaller.com/2014/03.....z2vyVVuZyp

So that's nice.

[Brandon]

"All of this and what was their motive? because of my fucking sexuality," Kennedy said, adding "needless to say it's absolutely disgraceful to violently attack someone because of who they are."

So does this mean he's a self-hating gay?

[SusanM]

Well, he is a drama student...

[BiMonSciFiCon]

Does anyone else want to find out what classic mistake amateur golfers make at the tee?

[Mike M.]

Even taking up the game in the first place.

[Stormy Dragon]

Saudia Arabia clerics rule that all-you-can-eat buffets violate Sharia law:

http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/saudi.....ts-1440275

NOW THEY'VE GONE TOO FAR.

[Coeus]

Homer fears sharia law above all other:

Lionel Hutz: Now, Mrs. Simpson, tell the court in your own words what happened after you and your husband were ejected out of the restaurant.
Marge: Well, we pretty much went straight home.
Lionel Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, remember that you are under oath.
Marge: We drove around until three in the morning looking for another open all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant.
Lionel Hutz: And when you couldn't find one?
Marge: [crying] We... went... fishing.
Lionel Hutz: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, do these sound like the actions of a man whose had ALL he could eat?
[the jury is made up of fat, obese people]
Jury: No, no.
Man in Jury: No, that could've been me!

[Homer has been thrown out of an all-you-can-eat restaurant for eating too much]
Lionel Hutz: This is the most blatant case of false advertising since my suit against the movie The Neverending Story.
Homer: So, do you think I have a case?
Lionel Hutz: Mr. Simpson, I don't use the word 'hero' lightly, but you are the greatest hero in American history.
Homer: Woohoo!

[OldMexican]

A Muslim couple in England has been sentenced to prison for posting videos praising the murder last year of a British soldier by two Muslim extremists in the country.

You can't yell "fire!" in a crowded .... ah, screw it. Because "Fuck You!", that's why!

The search for missing Malaysian Airlines flight MH370 is now focusing on a remote island chain in the Indian Ocean[...]

I call dibs on the girl with the freckles.

[ConstitutionFirst]

Time to stop buying Sam Adams.
How would the gays like a big, noisy IRA protest in their next parade?

[Ted S.]

Does she stalk your blog too?

[Ted S.]

Oh, shit, I nearly PBrooksed my comment. 🙁