Video: Juggalos vs. the FBI—Why Insane Clown Posse Fans are Not a Gang


Produced by Paul Detrick: "Juggalos vs. the FBI—Why Insane Clown Posse Fans are Not a Gang"

Originally published on March 5, 2014. Original text is below:

You may already know Juggalos, the fans of Detroit horrorcore rap group Insane Clown Posse (ICP), from Buzzfeed lists, television shows like Workaholics, or music videos like "Juggalo Island." But, you may not know that Juggalos are one of the best examples of a self reliant (but demonized) community. 

Juggalos began to garner a lot of mainstream attention in 2011 when they were classified as a "hybrid gang" by the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) in their National Gang Threat Assessment report. The report says Juggalos could "exhibit gang-like behavior and engage in criminal activity and violence."

Juggalos at the 2013 Gathering of the Juggalos, a music festival held in Cave-in-Rock, Illinois, told Reason TV that they disputed the claims made by the FBI.

"That's stereotyping pretty much," said one Juggalo. "You know people who don't listen to the music or are not a fan or a family are going to think we are violent people when they see hatchet men [emblem of Juggalos] or Juggalo stuff."

Insane Clown Posse's members, Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J, agree and are suing the FBI along with the American Civil Liberties Union of Michigan, claiming that profiling Juggalos as a gang violates Juggalos' constitutional right to express themselves. Further, the gang classification could subject Juggalos to routine stops, detainment, and interrogation by local and federal law enforcement based solely on their music preferences. 

"I think it's ridiculous to consider the Juggalos a gang," says journalist Camille Dodero, who has written about Juggalos and Insane Clown Posse for Gawker and the Village Voice. "In some ways it's almost ironic. These are a group of people that no one else in America has ever cared about and then this one band gave them a sense of identity–like it was a support group."

Dodero says Juggalos often come from lower class backgrounds and although some of them commit crimes, not all of them do.

"And that's not to say that there are that many kids doing it. It just so happened that somebody caught onto the fact that those kids who have that hatchet man sometimes steal things," says Dodero. "That is part of who ICP has been reaching though, people with really bad upbringings."

ICP, who grew up in lower class households just like their fans, have targeted victims as their audience. These include kids who were homeless, came from an abusive family, or were molested. The result is a world where these young people have escaped the life they were dealt for a supportive community they've helped create. One they lovingly refer to as "family."

The FBI said it could not comment on pending litigation, but the effects of the gang label may have already impacted the next Gathering of the Juggalos. The 2014 music festival had to change locations multiple times thanks in part to the fears of local residents, fears Insane Clown Posse has said are associated with the gang classification.

For a behind the scenes look at the filming of this documentary short check out Reason TV's Instagram account:

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@photoalexander at the gathering of the Juggalos.

A post shared by Reason (@reasontv) on

Approximately 7:56.

Written and produced by Paul Detrick. Field produced by Alex Manning and Detrick. Additional camera by Jim Epstein.

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NEXT: Rand Paul Wins Big in CPAC Straw Poll, Again

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  1. Why Insane Clown Posse Fans are Not a Gang

    Because they’re the even dumber equivalent of Kiss fans?

    1. Woop woop!

    2. you keep on shoutin
      you keep on shoutin

      magnets, how the fuck do they work

  2. The report says Juggalos could “exhibit gang-like behavior and engage in criminal activity and violence.”

    “That’s stereotyping pretty much,” said one Juggalo

    Fuck the FBI, but there’s nothing inherently wrong with stereotyping. While they aren’t a gang in the same sense as the Bloods and Crips, I’ll eat my hat if Juggalos aren’t, on average, more criminal and violent than the population as a whole.

    1. If you define “criminality” as smoking weed and public nudity, than sure, I’ll buy that.

      1. GIS “Nude Juggalos”.

        It’s…it’s a mixed bag, I’ll put it that way. Think: Femen protest with paint in different places.

      2. I don’t. And I’m not condemning the group, nor am I suggesting that there’s some sort of causal relationship between Juggalos membership and crime.

      3. I’d buy a lot of petty crime. But not substantial worse than a frat or similar. Vandalism, stealing traffic signs, dumpster arson, that sort of thing.

    1. *That’s* Insane Clown Posse? It makes Mr. Rogers look like NWA.

    2. 13.8 million views.

    3. Fucking magnets, how do they work?

      It’s quite simple, really.

      1. I see nothing here about silver hammers.

  3. The report says Juggalos could “exhibit gang-like behavior and engage in criminal activity and violence.”

    You know who else could exhibit gang-like behavior and engage in criminal activity and violence?

    1. The FBI?

      1. Ding! Ding! Ding!

        Give that man a Kewpie Doll!

    2. The Reason Hit & Run commentariat?

      1. Now we know why you stayed away from Long Beach last Sunday.

        1. Your wife did mention something about engaging in orphan trading during the brunch.

          Also I seem to have forgotten our gang signals and codetalk.

          1. Also I seem to have forgotten our gang signals and codetalk.

            Most involve middle fingers and calling people “cunt”.

          2. “Do you ride the Orange Line?”

  4. The one on the left and the one on the right are both Tulpa.

  5. “The report says Juggalos could “exhibit gang-like behavior and engage in criminal activity and violence.””

    Yeah, and so does the Democrat party.

  6. If you’ve ever had the fantasy of a threesome with twin sisters, here’s some disillusionment for you

    1. Whole big bucket of nope there. Those 18 and 19 pictures are just fine, and then, everythin falls apart.

      1. Fake tits, fake tan, swollen faces and obvious intellectual and emotional deficiencies. What’s not to like?

        1. And Ron Jeremy is their father.

    2. More nightmare fuel! *shudders*

    3. Their dad needs to eat a mushroom and power up or else King Koopa is gonna get him.

      1. He already got him.

        their father Luigi, who died in 2010.

        I’m sorry, but World 4-2. Fucking Lakitu, man.

        1. The Hammer Brothers were always the hardest ones for me.

          1. I’m with HM on this one. The Hammer Bros were easy compared to that unpredictable bastard.

  7. OT: A Negroni (Gin, Sweet Vermouth, Campari) substituting Cabernet Sauvignon for the Vermouth is.. smooth, tasty, but a bit flat.

    Sticking with real vermouth or similar fortified wines.

    1. I think I lack sweet vermouth, but that sounds tasty.

    2. Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets

      1. even white dog whiskey?

        Hey, Canucki, what’s fermented maple syrup?

        1. what’s fermented maple syrup?

          a bad idea.

          1. I thought y’all called it “labatt”.

            1. Could be, never touched the stuff.

            2. They make it like moonshine up there.

              And in other news, Canadian Bacon was in 1995. I had no idea. I would have said 85.

    3. Why… even…

      Sweet vermouth is cheap. Why fuck with perfection?

      1. Not if you get good sweet vermouth.

        I regularly spend more per bottle for vermouth than I do for Gin or Bourbon. Go big on sweet vermouth, you will be rewarded. Suddenly Manhattans and Negronis have a life of their own.

        It was an experiment.

        1. Recommendation on a starter sweet vermouth?

          1. starter?

            Dolin is better than the usual Martini and Rossi.

            But really, two kinds you want:

            1) Punt ‘e Mes
            2) Carpano Antiqua

            If you can’t get the first, the second is damn good, only problem is it’s $30-$40 per bottle. Punt ‘e Mes is excellent in the sub $25 range. My local liquor store can’t get it, I have to go to a specialty wine shop in (here comes sloopy bait) Ann Arbor.

            And people, I cannot stress this enough. Store your vermouth in the refrigerator. Or, failing that, a cool, wet sack.

  8. BTW, did anyone else notice the lady in the tattoo thread looks like the guy in “My Name is Earl” except for the ‘stach?

  9. Not a spoof?

    The indisputable reality is that poverty and low wages in Canada are gendered and racialized.

    The struggle for equality is not achievable, other than in the most crass liberal sense, without economic justice. The minimum wage and social assistance rates are a fundamental part of the struggle for women’s equality and any party or politician that does not advocate for a living wage or living social assistance rates is directly enabling an agenda that keeps many women, as well as the children that they are often forced to care for, impoverished.
    They are directly facilitating the day-to-day fact of the economic expression of misogyny and patriarchy.

    1. I don’t think it’s a spoof. Unfortunately, it’s now becoming the common view that a higher MW will make people richer.
      And i don’t doubt that when it doesn’t, it’ll get blamed on the evul bizznesses “raising prices!”

        1. jgmurphy –
          Raising the minimum wage—and proportionately, ALL low wages—is an excellent idea because when people get more money, they SPEND more money. This is what keeps the economy growing. When people earn only enough to keep a roof over their heads, run the fridge and gas the car, the entire economy suffers. Why don’t the wingnuts get that?

          A perpetual motion machine!

          1. I declare that all dollars are now two dollars!

            1. “I declare that all dollars are now two dollars!”

              FIVE dollars!

            2. If everyone had twice as much dollars no one would ever be poor.

              1. But income inequality would twice as worse! You Koch-sucking capitalist stooge!

                1. Fuck, you’re right. We should declare all dollars held by poor people to be worth double and all dollars held by the rich to be worth half.

                  Boom. I just cut income inequality and stimulated the shit out of the economy.

          2. “A perpetual motion machine!”

            The fantasy of “FREE SHIT”, and that’s what the Dems pitch.

        2. These people really have no idea what money is.

  10. This an article about gentrification

    It contains this sentence:

    Unsurprisingly, U.S. cities lag far behind their European counterparts on such policies. Our free-market politicians spurn municipal intervention, and our lack of sanctified national culture poses further obstacles: What business can anchor American communities like pubs in England or cafes in France?

    Apparently America’s urban centers elect free-market ideologues that eschew any interventions in the housing market and economy and that’s why we have gentrification.

    It doesn’t hurt that France’s national government fixed a price floor for books in 1981, preventing chain stores and later Amazon from undercutting small shops. It also requires many businesses to provide employees with “tickets resto,” or restaurant vouchers, which encourage workers to have lunch outside the office. About 3 million French workers use the checks to pay for lunch each day.

    Because fuck the consumer and the idea that you have a right to sell someone something at mutually agreed upon price.

    1. What business can anchor American communities like pubs in England or cafes in France?

      Strip malls, but you bitched about those as well.

      1. Wait, what about Wal-Mart?

    2. You Know Which Other European was concerned about the decline of local communities and used the federal and local governments and a sanctified national culture to stop the decline?

      1. Churchill?

      2. No one?

      3. The Prince Archbishop of Salzburg?

      4. Hitler?

        Did I win?

    3. What business can anchor American communities like pubs in England or cafes in France?

      Wasn’t a different author freaking out about the decline of pubs?

      1. Not having read TFA, and not intending to, I don’t get it: do our communities lack “anchoring”?

        1. There are certain words used by progressives which have no meaning. This allows them to construct sentences that are literally incoherent while deluding themselves into believing they’ve just said something staggering and profound.

          Anchor, sustainable, fairness, equality, Democracy…all of these things mean whatever the progressive wants them to mean, and in articles written by the same person will sometimes have mutually exclusive meanings.

          For example, when Democrats win an election, that’s Democracy. When Democrats lose an election and throw a massive protest that clogs up traffic, that’s also Democracy.

          On the other hand, if duly elected Republican listen to their constituents, that’s anti-Democratic because they’re not doing what the Democrats want.

          Do you understand?

        2. “Anchoring” is shorthand for “forcing people not to drive cars”.

          1. Like all the talk about “walkable communities”.

            Another nonsense phrase as any community is “walkable”, it just depends on how far one is willing to go.

              1. CA or Italy?

                They both have their obstacles but are fairly walkable.

        3. do our communities lack “anchoring”?

          Well, our Hispanic communities don’t.
          /Groucho voice

    4. What business can anchor American communities like pubs in England or cafes in France?

      We have fast food restaurants and malls and progressives hate both of those things.

      It doesn’t hurt that France’s national government fixed a price floor for books in 1981, preventing chain stores and later Amazon from undercutting small shops.

      France’s unemployment was 6.3% in 1980. The next year it was 7.4. Since then, it has never gone below 7.8%.

      Clearly we should base our economic policy around this wondrous success story.

      1. “Clearly we should base our economic policy around this wondrous success story.”

        We have. Obo’s in office. He’s got the U/R right up there with France’.
        And WE’RE still paying for France’s defense! What a guy!
        What a fuckup.

    5. “It doesn’t hurt that France’s national government fixed a price floor for books in 1981,”

      So the French gov’t prefers that only wealthy people read books?

      1. They prefer piracy

        1. “They prefer piracy”

          I have a friend in Italy. He gets things done pretty cheaply and he comments on (without griping) the tax rates and how people do ‘favors’ for each other.
          And the phrase ‘black market’ is never mentioned.

          1. I’ve heard similar about Spain

          2. They call it the “Shadow Economy” over there. Reason covered it a while ago

  11. Well, I was in Detroit today with daughter #1, for Autorama. Which was EPIC. Then hit up American Coney Island for a couple coneys and fries.

    Next week – Supercross at Ford Field!

    I know – doesn’t EVEN make up for ICP, but….I tried.

    1. pft. These non-detroiters don’t even know they’re missing Coneys.

      I changed the oil on the Bandit today. Getting her ready for spring, since I neglected her in the fall.

      Fired up reasonably, after 15 minutes, ready to go.

      1. The Ninja, ZRX and XR all all ALWAYS ready to go! The second it hits 40 and there isn’t snow on the road, I’m riding…

        1. Spring must really mean a lot to you guys.

  12. The only Juggalos I have known were pitiful creatures. They were emotionally and cognitively crippled, their lives complete train wrecks, and utterly powerless. Some of the most helpless and miserable wretches I have ever seen.

    1. No shit. That’s why they become Juggalos. It’s a means of joining a group that doesn’t judge you and which loves you regardless of your failure.

      In that regard, I guess they actually have a lot in common with federal agents.

    2. I *almost* posted it… but it seemed a bit too cold hearted. Let me repeat that. Too cold hearted for H&R.

      That said:

      Google “juggalo baby funeral”. It’s brutal. The coffin may in fact be a cooler.

      1. Man. I have two little babies and I get choked up when I see a baby die. But c’mon, man. This is really, really, really fucked up.

        1. Yea.. I wanted to snark on it, but got a bit choked up, too.

          Too far for H&R?

          1. This was the statement the mother released:

            BEST WISHES ~

            1. I mean, I don’t even know what to say.

              1. I’m okay with rounding up the Juggalos now. Camps. Put them in camps.

                1. I like ’em. They remind me of dome of my friends I knew growing up.

                  They’re just wild, poor and dumb, nothing wrong with that.

                  1. Friend’s younger brother turned into a juggalo while we were in high school. Faygo stickers all over his Ford Tempo. Friend is still affected by it/brings it up.

                    (this is 100% true, no exaggeration.)

                    1. Are a majority of Juggalos and Juggalettes from Michigan?

                    2. At this point, I’d doubt it. But Flint and Detroit are probably well represented.

                      Lots of Juggalos lead kick ass lives. I even work with a Juggalo.

                      Lots of tattoos. And he lives in Flint, MI (no, really). Amazing knack for getting out of cop situations.

                    3. Of everything you wrote, it sounds like being a Juggalo is the best part of his life.

              2. I don’t think there’s anything that can be said. This is about as completely fucked up as you can get.

                Ninja down? What the fuck does that even mean?


                  Okay, if we find any doctors decapitated inside a dumpster in or around the Detroit area, I’m almost certain it’s this woman engaged in some sort of ritualized revenge killing.

                  1. I doubt she even remembered it a couple of weeks later. From what I gathered, she learned of her pregnancy about 7 months into it, so her little Lotus spend half of her time in the womb fucked up out of her gourd on drugs.

                    This pig ought to be locked the fuck up.*

                    *I’m not trying to start an abortion/woman’s rights/whatever the fuck thread.

                2. Ninja down? What the fuck does that even mean?


                  1. I repeat, what the fuck does that even mean?

                    1. I repeat, what the fuck does that even mean?

                      Damn I wish I could be a Shokon Samurai
                      so I could swing a sword and make necks fly
                      I’d go to school and ninja-crawl through tha halls
                      n’ then I’d jump out n’ stab bitches in the balls
                      cuz I remember these kids from tha playground
                      everybody’d hang around, we were all down
                      but then we grew up, n’ everybody turned away
                      n’ now they dissin’ me, yellin’, “fuck Nerdy-J”
                      I sit n’ think at how it changed as I got olda’
                      as I think I draw a ninja on my folda’, Ugh
                      what I would do if I only had a ninja sword
                      you’d see blood start flingin’ on tha chalkboard
                      I’d tell tha whole class, “nobody move a jiggle,
                      first one that do I’ll make yer fuckin’ neck wiggle.”
                      everyone wold start jockin’, tha news would take my picta’
                      DAMN I wish I could be a ninja

                      Poetry is what that means, Sloopy. Motherfuckin’ Ninja poetry.

                    2. That’s a word salad that would even make a Jezzie wince.

                    3. They actually are pretty similar to Jezzies.

                      After I was done killin’ all tha yuppie fucks
                      all tha poor kids would come n’ swing from my nuts

                      and I would walk home feelin’ like a Samurai
                      I’d walk in tha house, and see my momma cry
                      I’s ask why, she’d point to my drunkin’ pops
                      he tried ta hit her again, but that shit STOPS
                      I kick him in his throat, you hear his neck break

                      I throw a roundhose and knock his beard off his face
                      I tell him, “Dad, now look at all your broken glass,
                      why don’tcha pick it all-up n’ stick it in yer ass.”
                      I watch him do it, “Now hurry up ya take fo’eva’.”
                      when he was done I’d squeeze his butt-cheeks togetha’
                      “Now get tha FUCK out my house, neva’ come back!”
                      I throw a chinese star, stick him in his ass-crack (Ahhhh)
                      I turn to my mudda, “I’m sorry that he hit’cha!”
                      DAMN I wish I could be a ninja

                      Class warfare rhetoric? Check. Violent fantasies about brutalizing men who hit women? Check.

                      ICP is like White Trash Jezebel.

                    4. If you imagine it done by the beastie boys, it could work.

                    5. I could see Jos Truitt with clown paint on. But I think she’s on the Feministing side of that whole Crips-Bloods thing they have with Jezebel.

                    6. I take it she has a Y chromosome? (NTTAWWT)

                    7. Oh, I think she has a dick.

                    8. Yeah, Jos Truitt is definitely Trans.

                      I frankly don’t give a shit what she’s doing with her life. I have nothing against trans people, but despise her scumbag politics. Being a writer for feministing is far more vile than being transgendered.

                    9. I don’t care either. I was merely making a statement of fact, not a judgement of her.

                    10. Although one nice thing about transgendered feminists is the hilarious infighting that occurs between them and radical feminists.

                      God, those are two bands of despicable human beings tearing into each other.

                    11. Although one nice thing about transgendered feminists is the hilarious infighting that occurs between them and radical feminists.

                      Jebus, they are brutal

                    12. Is it worse than the gold star lesbians going after other lesbians?

                    13. So I found this gem of Jezebel hating

                    14. Personally, I loved what Bjork had to say about why she’s not a feminist. I refuse to ally myself with a group of women who make their living by being tight-ass, humorless cunts, and, quite frankly, are wasting everyone’s time in the process.

                      I like this chick.

                    15. I like this chick.

                      Yeah. Like I said, I probably disagree with her politically, but she seems like someone I could talk to. Her writing is also far superior to the garbage Jezebel publishes.

                    16. Editor Anna Holmes originally set out to make Jezebel “unapologetically feminist” but so much of the site is nothing more than vicious libel.

                      I don’t call myself a feminist. The Machiavellian witch hunts of the Jezebel Baby-sitters Club and other “jolly feminist commentators” just like them are the main reason I won’t use the term.

                      Now, when strong, opinionated women such as myself want to distance themselves from a movement historically known for women’s strength, you’d think people might take a moment for reflection. Like so-called Christians picketing an abortion clinic, perhaps take a second to look inward and check to see what happened to your morals and your organization.

                      I’m not sure I’d agree with the writer on many things, but she seems to have Jezebel pegged pretty well. I’m not entirely sure how this relates in any way to Christians picketing an abortion clinic, but I guess the writer just had to throw that in to prove she’s a leftist. Can’t have people thinking you’re not left-wing enough, after all.

                    17. Wait, do Feministing and Jezebel really have some kind of loser feud going on?

                    18. I think there’s a bit of a turf war between to out-derp each other.

                    19. Class warfare rhetoric? Check. Violent fantasies about brutalizing men who hit women? Check.

                      I haven’t spent much time on their lyrics but I get the impression that they often revolve around loser revenge fantasies.

                  2. You sure do know a lot about Juggalos, Carl.

                    -Eyes Carl warily-

                    1. I was briefly (~48hrs) fascinated by the whole ICP/Juggalo thing.

        2. …I get choked up when I see a baby die…

          It’s perfectly understandable to get a bit emotional when one of your workers falls into the monocle polishing robot. Totally beta, but understandable.

    3. Everything over here is crazy

      nathen matha fucking moynihan
      December 19, 2012 at 4:01 PM

      Right!! Let me see this person that posted this whole Thing in person. U have balls on the fucking computer . Give me ur address Lindsay fag bag. I’m a Akron Juggalo I ain’t No chump I’ll kill u and rape ur mom!!!!! my names Nathen moynihan and all I have to say to y’all is whoop whoop!!!!!!!!! Hope u and ur family are staying strong? Lindsay? I’ll do my job as a Juggalo What’s ur address bitch?????? Call me u fuck 330 8444825 give me. Ur address u fagot I’ll s how u how white trash we juggles are. Some ones baby dies and u have shit to say but white trash and dick in ur ass u fuck. Call me Hey family all family look me up on Facebook Wake up. Or here’s my email

      Dude’s name is even misspelled.

      Robert Lindsay is a completely anti-PC commie with lots of bizarre theories (e.g. Bigfoot believer) … and they’re the voice of reason.

      1. I got the distinct impression from reading the comments that no one there was firing on all six cylinders.

  13. Rand Paul is leading a presidential poll put up by Drudge. He also won the CPAC poll.

    Not exactly scientific, but the most encouraging part is that Huckabee and Santorum are pulling in a combined 4.5% on a very right wing website.

    By the way, isn’t it a little funny that Reason ran an article bitching about how terrible and unlibertarian CPAC is on the same day that Rand Paul won their straw poll? Yeah, clearly the people at CPAC are totally unresponsive to libertarian ideas and are a lost cause.

    1. I said it in the Rand thread previous — not sure if it’s true or not,

      CPAC raised prices, ended up with empty seats, to keep the Paullites out.

      To avoid them running the poll again.

      As for drudge, Ron will win any internet poll. I’d assume some of that is hereditary.

      1. Sure, but Huckabee and Santorum are getting smoked.

        That should bring a smile to any heartless libertarian’s face. Hopefully we get some salty ham tears again.

        1. delicious tears…. I’d hope they drop out before it’s news, though.

        2. I could sure go for another 1000 post thread.

          1. I’m still pissed Reason nuked that thread, even though I wasn’t posting here when it happened. Whenever I want to post the thread for newbies who haven’t seen it, I need to find it in the wayback machine.

  14. So a couple years ago a proggie/SJW-to-the-max acquaintance of mine asked what was up with the Faygo. I responded that the explanation I had read was that when Violent J and Shaggy were growing up, they were poor and Faygo was a sweet treat that was within their means.

    The look of disappointment on his face was priceless while he tried to reconcile his disdain for white trash with his proggie faux veneration of the poor.

    1. I don’t know how progs can even get off mocking Juggalos. They’re poor people who are trying to take control over their frankly sad lives by joining a group that is accepting of them.

      First of all, joining a group because you’re pathetic and want to be accepted is something all loser progressives should be familiar with. Secondly, they’re basically mocking poor people despite their claims to be warriors on behalf of the poverty stricken.

      1. Well, they do the same thing with hicks.

        If poor urban blacks act dysfunctionally it’s because they’re oppressed. If poor rural whites do, it’s because they’re stupid and inbred.

    2. god bless .25 Faygo day at the grocery store. That got me through college.

      And Rock And Rye is awesome for hangover.

      CollegeRoommate: “What are you drinking?”
      SweatingGin: “Red Pop and Rum. I call it a ‘Strawberry we’re out of cold beer'”

  15. Why are they suing the ACLU?

  16. What’s worse, the Juggalos or watching Dick Vitale call a Duke-UNC game when Duke starts to pull away.

    DAMN, now I wish I could be a ninja.

    1. Sloopy’s wishin’ he could be a ninja
      Make Dick Vitale’s neck fat kinda jiggle

      1. Rip out his glass eye
        and make him say “why
        you fuckin’ wid me sloop?”

      2. I’ve made my decision. Dickie V is worse.

  17. I’m sorry, can you guys be a little more entertaining so I can put off writing these papers for as long as is humanly possible?

    1. I don’t care what you say, my song lyrics were gold, you filthy harlot.

      1. They were mere tin, sir. MERE. TIN.

      1. I might be if some sort of fight to the death could be arranged in here.

      2. The most awesome movie ever: Gladinoah. Noah fucking collects all the fucking animals and locks them up in the Ark. He then fucking forces them to compete in gladiatorial (bestiatorial?) combat. But some of the animals get fucking tired of his shit and they throw him in the ring. Now, if Noah can survive 40 days and 40 days of fighting fucking animals, the fucking Tiger will let him live. At first Noah can only fight by fucking punching animals in the face. (He takes down the Horse this way) But after kicking the Elephant in the nuts, he fucking uses his tusk as a sword.

        1. Replace the Tiger with Aslan the Lion and you’re on to something.

          1. I feel you. Noah is going to need a love interest. I’m thinking a CGI alpaca voiced by Anne Hathaway.

            1. WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE. I leave you guys for five flipping minutes…

              1. What’s happening is Gladinoah, the story of a man who became a prophet, who then became an emperor, who then became a slave, who then punched a fucking horse in the face.

                There is already a trailer.

                1. Why does anything surprise me anymore? I should be far more jaded than this by now.

            2. Wait, she’s Dr Cornwallis?

    2. I’m something like 6 negronis in, out of a glass with a chip on it. I assume my face is covered in blood.

      1. As long as you don’t get any on your monocle!

        1. safely stowed in some suit jacket, in case the need arises.

          No, I don’t know which one.

      2. I might be if some sort of fight to the death could be arranged in here.

        I’m not sure that’s what kibby meant, but it’s probably better than anything else she’s going to get tonight.

      3. Eating glass isn’t really that big of a deal. Swallowing a bay leaf is far more dangerous.

        1. Yeah, I had a buddy that used to eat short cocktail glasses at out watering hole 25 years ago…I thought it was pointless but even into his late 50’s he was picking up gals 25 years younger and taking them home. As one nearing 60 that is pretty impressive.

    3. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan is better than The Empire Strikes Back.

      1. This should start some interesting debate. I have no opinion.

        Also, it is Saturday night why in the heck are you at home?

        1. I work weekends and my shift starts at 5:30 am.

          Daylight savings time also begins tonight so I’ll be losing an hour of sleep. Not that you damn Arizonans would notice.

          1. Is kibby in Arizona? Hey, Banjos and Co are there this weekend. Stuck at her mom’s house right now being forced to watch something called “The Blacklist”.

            1. James Spader chewing on scenery for an hour. It’s great background TV, not a centerpiece show.

              1. I kind of enjoy it. James Spader is great. If they only found a female lead with more charisma than a sponge, that show actually could have been something.

              2. Spader should have ended his career after Stargate.

                1. Actually, he should have done the honorable thing and committed Seppuku after participating in this piece of shit. The whole cast should of for that matter.

                  1. Ummm, back then Kim Catrall was pretty hot.

                2. Spader should have ended his career after Stargate.

                  But then he never would have had the opportunity to play MOTHERFUCKING ULTRON!

            2. Agent: Mr Spader, we have a role where you are always seated.
              Spader: I’ll take it!

          2. Daylight savings? Does that mean True Detective is on a day early?

        2. Also, it is Saturday night why in the heck are you at home?

          I’m running a 102 degree fever.

          Why are you at home, loser?

          1. Uh, because I’m too cool to socialize with actual people?

        3. I’m posting from da club.

          1. This would actually be the most hardcore thing ever.

            1. Yeah, but it would be a Canadian club. I mean, what do Canadians even do at a club? Take turns saying sorry when they bump into someone on the dance floor? Discuss the recent curling match?

              1. Sounds like my kind of club!

              2. ” Canadian club”

                Giant plastic bottle of that in the cabinet.

              3. I seem to remember go go dancers being able to go full frontal in Vancouver clubs, so there’s that.

                1. Yeah, but they’re Canadian go-go dancers.

                  Who wants to see a naked person once they’ve been weaned from birth on Canadian bacon, maple syrup, and seal clubbing?

                  1. *timidly raises hand*

                    Of course, we’re looking at different subsets of Canadians.

          2. So far, I have posted from a beach in Hawaii, and, far more frequently, from the toilet.

              1. Say no more. I know exactly where you are right now.

                1. Sitting at my desk, more than a little horrified? Yes, you’re right, that’s exactly where I am.

      2. I’d go with at least even in all respects except special effects.

        Search for Spock had such terrible special effects (actors! jump in front of a painting!) that it blead over into Khan.

        Oh, and seeing the landscape through the dash of the snow speeder doesn’t count.

      3. Depends on what you’re after. “Kahn” was meant to be a stand alone movie, while “Empire” was a bridge in a story arc. I don’t think they can be compared.

        1. Tell us more about how Roger Moore was the better Han Solo.

          1. ^^ I Owe you a drink. A good one, not one of those piece of shit Molsons.

          2. You gotta admit, that was a pretty god trolling.

        2. I view both as representing the best of their franchises.

          Wrath of Khan had a great blend of action (unlike the (Slow) Motion Picture) and a coherent and touching theme about facing mortality and the inevitability of aging. Shatner gives what is probably is best performance as Kirk.

          Empire is everything Star Wars should be: exciting, romantic, and filled with great characters we actually care about. It actually benefits from the lack of resolution because it can focus on raising the stakes.

          But in the end, Khan touches me more than Empire does. It’s close, but Spock’s death and funeral were perfectly done. It’s also why the most recent Star Trek movie pissed me off something awful by mimicking it almost shot by shot.

  18. Old fart question:
    Is this Dead Heads ca 2014?

    1. I mean the Juggalos, not the gossiping.

      1. Same concept, different vibe.

        1. Is their music as bad as the Dead?
          Old joke: What did the one Head say to the other when they ran out of dope?
          This music SUCKS!

    2. I’m half your age, and I have no idea what anyone is talking about.

    3. Asidde from FBI interest, I’m pretty sure the Juggalos are done.

    4. No, there are millions of Dead Heads even today, doubt that is the case with ICP over the next 30 years.

  19. Lena Dunham’s hosting SNL.
    There will be a lot of new TVs sold tomorrow.

    1. Epi must have bought an extra huge 3-D TV and a lot Kleenex for this…

  20. Search for missing flight expanded to Strait of Malacca, which was not in the original flight plan:…..f-malacca/

    Something fishy is going on.

    1. Anybody know what SPECTRE is up to?

      1. 4 8 15 16 23 42

      2. Well they did buy up the McClory estate…

    2. I read this in a Neil Stephenson novel?

  21. Barry Nelson was the Best Bond. Along with Woody Allen.

    1. Rufus T.?

    2. What’s your take on this missing plane situation?

      1. It’s plane embarrassing.

      2. I haven’t been following it.

        Occam’s razor. I’m guessing it’s in the ocean.

        1. The bigger question is why?

          1. Or why was there zero com from the crew.

            1. The only explanations I can think of are:
              1: Terrorists
              2: Pilot snapped/terrorist
              3: Catastrophic depressurization and the autpilot never kicked in

              1. Sloopy,
                I’m not sure 1 would yield the result, 2 would require the Co to be part of it or dead, 3 would likely trigger some sort of broadcast signal.
                I don’t yet have even a guess as to what makes a modern passenger aircraft GONE without some signal.

                1. Hard to even guess. If they were in RADAR contact at the time I would guess it was something catastrophic. If not, it could have been any number of things.

    3. I suppose I should be happy that Zimbio and buzzfeed have supplanted inane political rants as the most prolific thing on Facebook, and yet I’m not.

      1. I suppose I should be happy that Zimbio and buzzfeed have supplanted inane political rants as the most prolific thing on Facebook, and yet I’m not.

        That’s only because we’re in an off year from presidential elections. Wait for 2016, the stupid political rants will be back in force.

    4. I figured the whole way through that every libertarian would end up with Jayne.

      I ended up with Mal..…..7fzTOHh_iq

      Get in line, fuckers, or I’ll leave you in an airlock.

      1. I got Wash, so…I don’t know what that says about me.

        1. I got Wash, so…I don’t know what that says about me.

          All it says is that there’s something wrong with the quiz since there’s no way a woman could drive that well.

          1. The fact that I am laughing so hard at this on intergalactic vagina-havers day makes me even happier.

          2. hits irish with a rolled up newspaper

            Kibby doesn’t die in the first movie.

            1. I’m okay with dying in the first movie. Everybody will remember me that way!

        2. It says you are a leaf on the wind.

      2. I got Zoe. Being the straight man actually describes me fairly well.

        1. What does this say about us?

          1. I’ll outlive you and you are insecure about my platonic bond with other commentators?

            1. =( Man, I don’t like this new turn in our Hit & Run relationship.

              1. Yes, but I deeply admire and appreciate your steadfast refusal to succumb to the advances of Christina Hendricks because of me.

                1. It’s very difficult — she’s a damn good looking woman.

                  1. Yeah, I wouldn’t blame you if you did. In fact, I might even encourage it…

                    1. Worst/best spouse ever!

      3. I got Zoe. Being the straight man actually describes me fairly well.

      4. I got Mal too.

        I wouldn’t think most libertarians would get Jayne. He’s the dumb/crazy one who doesn’t have any principles. Chaotic evil if you will.

        Mal was the one who aimed to misbehave and was sick of the Alliance’s shit.

      5. Yup, I got “Jayne”.

        Do I lose my libertarian cred if I admit to never seeing the show?

        1. No, but our days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle

    5. How the fuck did I end up with Kaylee?

      1. You’re chipper and optimistic? Except when Jubal Early threatens to rape you.

      2. You’re sweet on the Doc?

      3. That you’re mechanically skilled & adorable?

        1. But I’m none of the things anybody has mentioned. Except adorable.

          1. Well, one out of five ain’t bad. Do you like fluffy pink dresses?

            1. Do you like fluffy pink dresses?

              Well, Banjos and the kids are out of the house.

              When Banjos is away, the Sloopy will play.

            2. The only fluffy pink dress in my house belongs to Baby Reason. I can’t pull pink off anyway…I’m more of a blues and greens guy.

              1. Pretty sure Irish knows what’s up here.

                1. Or Irish is projecting.

                  1. Irish is dancing around with his wiener tucked between his legs while a fat woman starves in a hole in his basement.

                    1. Irish is dancing around with his wiener tucked between his legs while a fat woman starves in a hole in his basement.

                      Look, if I want to have a sex life in which the three women I have tied up beneath the bed weep softly while the obese man in the corner eats his pudding with a dull sucking sound and my pet goat gazes on with a vague look of hate in its eyes, then that’s my choice and I’d prefer if you didn’t judge.

                  2. Must the two be mutually exclusive?

                  3. Upthread I said that there’s nothing wrong with trangendered individuals. Now here you are, a gay man I might add, mocking me for my love of crossdressing.

                    I’m sorry I’m so much more progressive than you, you ignorant slut.

                    1. I’m truly sorry you felt judged, Irish. I care about you as a human being. This is a safe place.*

                      *That last sentence is patently untrue.

                    2. *So is the first sentence.

                    3. *Also the middle one

                    4. *All sentences ever on here.

                    5. Now I feel judged…

              2. Sloopy, what are you going to tell Banjos about your weekend when she gets home?

                That you got some hookers and blow, or the horrible truth (that you went on a 2 day bender arguing with Bo)?

                1. “Sloopy, I leave for one weekend and instead of banging sluts like I asked you to, you argue with Bo about abortion?!?! We’re getting a divorce.”

                  1. Apparently she’s been lurking off and on. She’s called me out a time or two today already.

    6. Took the quiz and my results were:

      “Sorry, the page you requested was not found.”

      I’ve broken the quiz
      *fist pump*

      1. This is why we can’t have nice things, man.

        1. Jesus. This whole subthread is why I love this place.

    7. Apparently I’m Zoe. What, just because I’d fuck Wash?

      1. That wasn’t one of the questions, though. Weird.

  22. I’ve read some really interesting would-be Bond stories. There was John Payne’s attempt to buy the Bond series in 1950s, John Gavin being replaced by Connery in Diamonds Are Forever, James Brolin replacing Moore in Octopussy, Gregory Ratoff trying to make Casino Royale in the 1950s without the Bond character, Fleming trying to get Alfred Hitchcock and James Stewart to make Thunderball in the 1950s, Howard Hawks and Cary Grant doing Casino Royale in the 1960s, Moonraker being made by the Rank Organization in the 1950s… interesting stuff

    1. Wow that is interesting. Thanks for giving us all the link so we can read it for ourselves…ass.

      1. Eh it’s stuff I’ve read over the years. Most of it is on Wikipedia.

  23. President Obama to introduce inaugural episode of rebooted ‘Cosmos’

    The president will offer an “inspiring” introduction ahead of Sunday’s series premiere at 9 p.m. ET/PT, Fox announced Saturday. In the video message, Obama invites a new generation to embrace the spirit of discovery and inspires viewers to explore new frontiers and imagine limitless possibilities for the future.

    The 13-episode Cosmos, produced by Cosmos Studios and Fuzzy Door Productions, tells the story of how we discovered the laws of nature and found our coordinates in space and time. Ann Druyan, Seth MacFarlane, Cosmos Studios president Mitchell Cannold and Brannon Braga are executive producers, with Jason Clark co-executive producing.
    Obama’s support behind Cosmos is no secret as a screening was held at the White House as part of the first White House Student Film Festival on Feb. 28, celebrating his commitment to technology in the classroom. During the festival, Obama detailed the progress toward his ConnectED goal of connecting students to broadband and wireless technology within five years.

    “Let me be clear: in the beginning, *I* created the heavens, and the Earth.”

    1. When are we rebooting Voyage of the Mimi?

    2. inspires viewers to explore new frontiers and imagine limitless possibilities for the future.

      Because He’s making sure no one will have that opportunity…

      Brannon Braga

      Will there be an episode on the scientific plausibility of breaking the warp barrier causing people to de-evolve into giant horny salamanders?

      his commitment to technology
      Will it be sustainable?

    3. “Let me be clear: in the beginning, *I* created the heavens, and the Earth.”

      It’ll be a bit more subtle, but only a bit.
      Michelle will point out that he’s doing ‘god’s work’.

      1. Christfag

        1. Yeah, and shreek will claim BOOOOOOSH!

  24. I’m hungry, lacking inspiration, and have 1 lb of USDA Choice skirt steak. What should I do with it?

    1. Clone it and rape it?

    2. I believe skirt steak responds well to braising because of the long fribrousy nature. So braise it with some wine, onions and chilies.

      1. I usually do it cast iron on ultra high heat, and cut it across the grain.

        If it weren’t Choice, I might braise. My favorite braising recipe is very similar to this one.

        1. That looks pretty tasty. The meat cuts here aren’t super high-quality so I often have to cook something as if it were the next cut down.

          1. I have the same problem here. Often, I have to treat my Kobe like I would Wagyu. It’s like fucking Auschwitz.

            1. You mock my plight you insensitive bastard. You are worse than Bo and Tulpa put together and sprinkled with an 8% dash of Shrieky.

              1. He and Bo are best friends now.

                1. He and Bo are best friends now.

                  Boy, talk about hitching your wagon to a star.

              2. What, I was being serious. I’d never mock someone’s plight when it comes to food. Except PantsFan. He’s a heathen.

                1. Well according to Wikipedia, Kobe is just a subset of Wagyu. Terms are important, you can’t simply define words as you like. Also your Auschwitz analogy is inappropriate, but it also doesn’t make sense it the context. See my earlier comment on the topic for enlightenment. Finally, I don’t think the ad hom attack on PF is warranted, let’s try and keep things civil. Thanks.

                  1. Also your Auschwitz analogy is inappropriate

                    It was an Archer reference, which is always appropriate.

                    1. It was an Archer reference, which is always appropriate.

                      I was defending your honor and this is what I get in return? This kind of ingratitude makes me want to cry havoc and let slip the hogs of war.

                    2. I can’t let an Archer reference go unheeded.

                  2. That’s good! Almost a little too good, actually.

                    1. Yeah, I had to scroll up twice just to make sure Bo wasn’t spoofing him with a closely-spelled alias.

                    2. We are all Tulpa/Bo now.

      1. Alton Brown is hit or miss IMO. Have you tried the recipe?

        1. I’ve never missed, but never tried this recipe.

          1. I might give it a shot, with some slight mods. Seems like it could use some chimichurri on top.

            1. Seems like it could use some chimichurri on top.

              I made a chimichurri a decade ago that was described as “way too garlicky” while people scooped massive amounts of it up on fresh bread with a whitbier sourdough base. I have no idea what I put into it, but my later attempts have been disappointing.

              1. I just buy both kinds that they have at El Gaucho.

    3. What else do you have in your pantry?

      1. flour, rosemary, an old apple, and the crumbs from a Chips Ahoy! bag.

        1. Are you fucking serious? Order some Thai delivery, punch yourself in the face and use the steak as a compress on the bruise.

          You’re welcome.

          1. That’s a quitter’s attitude. Do you not watch Chopped?

      2. Every kind of dried chili, tomatoes, cilantro, 3 kinds of onion, 5 kinds of vinegar, 5 kinds of oil, garlic, shallots, etc. etc.

        1. I refer the honourable poster to the advice I gave some moments ago.

          1. What would you make? My list was not inclusive. I probably have over 1000 items in my kitchen right now.

            1. Look just below. I’d serve it with black beans and white rice and a few tostones.

    4. You should have started marinating it yesterday in lime juice and garlic.

      Then now would be the time for hot cast iron or high-heat grilling over real wood charcoal.

      I’m not much for marinating good cuts but skirt steak demands it.

      1. I prefer the lime juice after cooking. I’m not a big fan of sugar over high heat…

    5. That was the steak of choice of the locals when I lived (and was a chef) in Puerto Rico. A chimichurri sauce is the easy way to go, but try an ajilimojili sauce basted over it while cooking instead.

      1. I’m hungry now. I will try making that sauce in the near future.

        1. Let me know what you think. I’ve always loved that sauce. It’s tailor made for that cut as meat. It pretty much defines Puerto Rican churrasco. The beans and plantains are just an added bonus.

          1. I like black beans, especially with cumin and bay leaf. I’ll skip the plantains.

            If you worked as a chef in PR, I trust that you have a good lechon asado recipe? Do tell.

            1. A big baster and needle. And I was always partial to adobo seasoning because it’s so simple, so make an adobo/cilantro/habanero paste with drawn butter (make sure you use the right part) and inject it judiciously as you slow and low cook that little squealer for about 6 hours or so. Make sure you’re getting it below the skin but not too far into the meat otherwise you end up with pockets of it. I guess its best to almost massage it in under the skin as you’re injecting it. So you cook it on the spit for about 6 hours and then you take it off, wrap it in banana leaf and lay it on the coals as they cool for about another hour or so to finish it off. Make sure to wrap it to keep the moisture in because it’s gonna cool on you and you don’t want it to happen that fast because a rapid decline in temp is bad news for pork.

              Anyway, get it up, lay it on the table and get the machete out.

              I also think it goes without saying that you should drink no less that a dozen Medalla’s during this time, be wearing a guayabera during it all and start one fight with a waitress that works for you and her husband.

              1. I have this and this in the pantry. Just add some ghee and I’m good to go?

                1. Yeah, but I’d still add some cilantro, lime, fresh garlic and a few scotch bonnets into a food processor and make it into a paste.

                  I guess there are enough foodies on here for me to have used “ghee” in my explanation. Sorry if I came across like a dick.

              2. That sounds incredibly awesome.

                1. Honestly, it’s one of the most rewarding things to accomplish from a culinary standpoint. It’s like an endurance trial of drinking, cooking and stirring up shit.

                  1. What sort of needle do you use?

                    1. I use this one, but I’m not an international chef.

                    2. I’m not either so it evens out. I needs to get me one of those. The only specialty meat thing I have is this recommended by Alton Brown.

                    3. That makes a lot of sense, especially if you are have a hard time finding quality cuts of meat.

                    4. I think the restaurants buy the good cuts, or someone says they get sold to Germany, don’t know if it’s true or not. I think there are some high-end butchers in the center that sell really good cuts, but the local stuff is pretty mediocre.

  25. What do you think about that the government is about to steal one hour of our lives? Sure, they’ll “give it back” next Fall but that is small compensation. Why can’t people just voluntarily show up an hour early for the next 8 months?

    I fucking hate DST

    1. Interesting question: What is the libertarian position of DST and time zones?

      1. I think I stated it. Time stays the same but people voluntarily agree to start the day earlier as the days get longer.

        DST is nothing but a state-imposed scheme to promote consumption.

        1. We’re no longer a true 9-5 society.

          1. We’re closer to a K-9 society nowadays.

    2. Tomorrow is the happiest day of the year. Standard time sucks balls. I’d stay on DST all year.

      1. Ditto.

      2. You’d like Russia. I also believe it’s warmer.

      3. Your opinions don’t count. You’re already hours behind EST, slowpokes.

      4. “best day of the year” is the phrasing I have used for most of my life.

        and the day that we switch back to standard time is pretty much the lousiest.

  26. I prefer having sunset later in the day.
    I propose we stay on DST year round.

  27. I think Die Hard would have been better if had been made with Frank Sinatra and had Gruber being named Tony and his goal was to prove that the oil company is in league with Pinochet.

  28. Also Star Wars would have been a lot better with Kurt Russell, William Katt and Jodie Foster.

    1. They should do a modern Cannonball Run with modern film actors.

      1. Fast and Furious 8?

        1. more like Rat Race 2

          1. Rat Race needed more SaZu Pitts.

            You Know Which Other Film Needed More SaZu Pitts?

            1. The Man Who Came To Dinner?

              1. Good one.

                I was thinking of Greed or Hello Sister.

                Oh and I misspelled ZaSu Pitts.

                You Know Who Else misspelled ZaSu Pitts?

            2. Faces of Death?

    2. Star Wars was a bad movie that was edited really, really well.

  29. Two videos:

    David Koz plays “Careless Whisper” in a 1930’s style.

    Someone whom I don’t know does a New Orleans Jazz version of “Sweet Child of Mine”.

    The first one is amusing, the second one is awesome.

    1. Ooh, my aunt sent me the Sweet Child of Mine cover. I second it’s awesomeness.

    1. If you click on this link, just scroll down; the video is annoying, and tends to detract from the music (a cover of “Walk This Way”)

    1. Everyone should watch that every day.

      “He was a Capricorn!”

    1. I love that guy. Also, the girl from Postmodern Jukebox is smoking hot.

      I think the best she’s ever looked was in that strapless getup from the Beauty and the Beat video.

      1. Um… she’s all… wiggly. *gulp*

    2. He certainly has a fine voice.

  30. They’re wigger morons with no redeeming qualities. I hope the FBI cracks down on them.

    1. Why do people come on here and immediately go full retard? Can’t you at least work your way into it?

      1. I’ll go get the cake.

    1. You know, in my opinion, Fat Bottom Girls is the quintessential rock’n’roll song. I mean, if a martian landed five minutes ago, and said he wanted to hear some rock music, but only had time to hear one song, then this would be the one I would play.

  31. Oh, yes he went there.

    And when there were *no* footprints in the sand? That was when Oscar Pistorius was carrying you, trying to dispose of yr body

    ? Nick Gillespie (@nickgillespie) March 9, 2014


    1. This is why there are no libertarians.

    2. That’s pretty damn good. I stopped following Nick because most of his numerous tweets are pretty crap with tons of MT stuff that get’s really annoying, but I might have to reconsider.


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