Obamacare is 'God's Work' Says First Lady, CPAC Kicks Off With Christie, Crimea Votes To Join Russia: P.M. Links


  • "You are doing God's work," Michelle Obama told healthcare enrollees and application counselors in Miami.
  • The Conservative Political Action Conference kicked off today. Gov. Chris Christie (NJ-R) received a standing ovation and Sen. Mitch McConnell (KY-R) brought a gun
  • The Crimean Parliament voted today to join the Russian Federation. Ukraine's interim president called the decision "illegitimate" due to pressure imposed by the presence of Russian soldiers in the region.
  • A top-ranking general assured Congress that it will take a mitigation task force two years and "billions of dollars to overcome the loss of security that has been imposed" by Edward Snowden's document leaks.
  • Hillary Clinton would beat Jeb Bush with a 14 percent margin, according to a Rasmussen poll on potential presidential candidates for 2016.
  • The FBI is investigating a video that purportedly shows Los Angeles gangmembers fighting in Syria. Is L.A. that bad? 

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  1. “You are doing God’s work,” Michelle Obama told healthcare enrollees and application counselors in Miami.

    Old Testament God, apparently.

    1. Hey, I’m Jewish, and I object!

      1. You know who else had objections regarding the Jews?

        1. Woody Allen?

          1. Mel Gibson?

        2. Pharoah?

          1. Wave a penny under the Jew’s nose; if they got living breath in them, brings ’em right around.

        3. Portia of Venice?

        4. Martin Luther?

        5. Cartman?

        6. Jesus?

      2. Go ahead and object. OT God is a dick.

      3. “Hey, I’m Jewish, and I object!”

        Hey, I’m an atheist and *I* object!

        1. “Hey, I’m Jewish, and I object!”

          Hey, I’m an atheist and *I* object!

          Hey, I’m a Christian and I object!

          1. I’m an agnostic and I’m just not sure yet…

            1. “I’m an agnostic and I’m just not sure yet…”

              Good one.

            2. I’m a neodruid and they’re doing the work of the God of Power, AKA Ahriman, AKA Satan.

          2. I’m an Objectivist and I object! (Naturally.)


    2. Are circumcisions covered?

      1. If you like your…. oh wait, someone already decided for you when you were an infant.

      2. “We” should ban circumcision, For the Children?

        I have several opportunities a day to thank the spirits of my Mom and Dad for not being child-mutilators.

    3. The ACA is so important that Obama serially delays it.

      1. Barack is postponing God’s work.

    4. I am sure it was Jesus who handed out free healthcare.

      1. Only one of the twelve apostles liked it though.

        1. Nice.

        2. Winna

        3. well played

        4. Isn’t 1/12 something like 8%?

          1. Yes. Yes, I believe it is!

      2. I am sure it was Jesus who handed out free healthcare

        Only a leftist would lack the self-awareness to argue that people should rely on divine intervention to cure them and not even realize it.

        1. “Only a leftist would lack the self-awareness to argue that people should rely on divine intervention to cure them and not even realize it.”

          Dipshit no longer even pretends to be otherwise.

        2. When an Obot started blathering about how we should have Obamacare because of Jesus, I quickly got him to admit that he believed in faith healing.

      3. Wasn’t it his to give? There are plenty of doctors out there giving out their services for free. But I don’t remember Jesus forcing others to pay for the healthcare of another. Maybe you should find that passage and quote it for me.

        1. Jesus manipulated reality to provide medical services, which demonstrates the kind of thing we could at least partially emulate with a free market, high-technology culture.

          1. Obama and his minions manipulate reality all the time. Or at least deny it.

            1. Jesus, at least, got results.

              1. And didn’t make a big prophet

        2. “Render unto Caesar what is God’s and unto God what is Caesar’s.” You mean that isn’t in your Bible?

    5. But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He’s one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice!

    6. Hello.

      God was an administrator?

      1. God bought health insurance he didn’t need to help old people and sick people afford it. Obviously.

      2. A Systems Administrator. We’re just a simulation He’s running.

    7. “You are doing God’s work,”

      Her God is government, so yes.

    8. I larfed and larfed at the “God’s work” comment.

      Too bad she didn’t add on “in some of the toughest neighborhoods in America”.

      I have to believe that when joe-from-Lowell saw this, he winced.

    9. The new budget is feeding 3.9 trillion dollars worth of mouths with 3.2 trillion dollars in bread and fishes, so New Testament.

  2. Which god?

    1. Huitzilopochtli

    2. She meant her husband, natch.

        1. This kind of thing really makes satire difficult. Reality keeps one-upping.

        2. Genuflect or you will be smited!

        3. Sorry, but bend your knees is common advice for those standing for long periods. It is given to soldiers, when during retirement ceremonies and the like, standing in formation for hours becomes a part of their duty.

          & if you’re very tired and forget the advice – lock your legs for long enough – you will pass out. I have seen it on more than one occasion.

          Having said that – Obama’s a narcissist, lacks integrity or any real rational thought, and is constantly damaging the US with every single policy idea or spoken word he puts forth.

          But I’m not sure “bend your knees” is evidence of any of his problems.

    3. What does God need with a penaltax?

      1. How else is he gonna afford a starship?

  3. Michelle channeling joe from lowell

    1. or vice versa?

  4. The FBI is investigating a video that purportedly shows Los Angeles gangmembers fighting in Syria.

    So we’re arming Syrian rebels with Crips now?

    1. Apparently they are fighting on the side of Assad.

      1. Then obviously we have to arm the rebels with Bloods. Mr. President, we cannot allow a gangmember gap!

        1. Glock, glock, glock … I’m a rebel, motherfucker.

      2. Assad’s health care plan costs less and has no penaltax.

    2. From what I’ve heard the US military has their share of gang members as well.

      1. Not so much now – but in the early 1980s…um, yes.

      2. The more organized gangs, for obvious reasons, recruit from the military and actively try to send their people into the military.

        They also try to actively infiltrate LEO organizations as well.

    3. It’s field training for the gangs, so they can take on the LAPD.

  5. Hillary Clinton would beat Jeb Bush with a 14 percent margin, according to a Rasmussen poll on potential presidential candidates for 2016.

    I bet Christie could close a margin that wide.

    1. I see what you did there. And I like it.

      1. This needs to be shown to anyone who says the GOP are the people who only “blame the victim”

        1. To be fair, she was acting as a defense lawyer and their job is to argue for the side they are paid to argue for. The tactics were slimy, but if I were accused of a crime, I’d want my lawyer to use whatever was necessary to defend me.

          1. Then make her Defense Secretary.

          2. I don’t want to be fair. I want her to not be president.

          3. it’s also fair to point out she’s been playing the nuts and sluts card for a very long time.

          4. their job is to argue for the side they are paid to argue for.

            Yes, but it’s amazing the loud public noise made whenever this defense tactic is used, if it’s the wrong person being defended (which is just about anyone who’s not defended by Hillary).

            1. I can’t be the only one who remembers the uproar over the “but she was asking for it” defense a few years back, and the subsequent legislation making it illegal to ask about a rape victim’s sexual history and activities.

              I see nothing wrong with pounding Hillary with the very same objections that were made (and I bet she is on record as agreeing with) back in the day.

              Plus: twelve years old? Seriously? I don’t care what your ethical obligation to zealously represent your client are, there are some lines you just don’t cross.

              1. I’d never personally want to associate with a person who would stoop to that. But I’d still like to have them on my side in court. But if it were me on trial for, it would be a false accusation so fuck the little bitch (not literally, of course).

            2. I don’t disagree with anyone responding to me here. I just like to imagine myself as better than the people who engage in political mudslinging. There are plenty of real reasons I don’t want Hillary to be president (unfortunately, most of those reasons apply to almost everyone else likely to run for either party as well).

              1. If morals had anything to do with it she’d be unfit. But as you point out, she’s ruthless – which is key in politics I reckon.

  6. “You are doing God’s work,” Michelle Obama told healthcare enrollees and application counselors in Miami.

    So that’s why you can’t get a religious exception to it.

    1. +1st Amendment

  7. Alright, which one of you jokers made me a present?

    1. Those sound like Episiarch’s words.

      1. “The.incredibly obvious flaws.in.their.ideology?”

      2. Funny, because the IP address in in MA. My memory is a little foggy, where did you say you lived?

        1. Uuuuh… Dave’s not here, man.

      3. If it was Epi I don’t think he’d feel the need to explain why she’s the worst.

    2. I’ll admit to the Michael Moynihan one. I only did it because it was the best joke that Gavin Mcinnes has ever made.

      1. The Reason contributors were all hilarious. I’d try and help contribute to add on more commenter pages, but I’m not nearly as funny as those.

        1. I got bored and did the rest of the Reason contributors besides Moynihan. It needed to be done.

          1. I request you do it all.

            1. I’ll see what I can come up with. I’m interested to see if LW undoes my additions.

              1. He will. But we have the numbers to win on the discussion page.

              2. He’ll undo them like a temper-tantrum-having 3-year-old knocks down your block tower.

          2. And whatever did happen to Tim Cavanaugh?

      1. He started the Wikia after it was erased. Using TOR, obviously.

    3. Jeez, don’t you know googling yourself is like maturbation – everyone does it but your not supposed to talk about it in public.

    4. Alright, which one of you jokers made me a present?

      Lonewacko gave himself one!

  8. …Sen. Mitch McConnell (KY-R) brought a gun.

    Just like a Mick to bring a gun to a talk fight.

  9. The FBI is investigating a video that purportedly shows Los Angeles gangmembers fighting in Syria. Is L.A. that bad?

    And Juggalos, don’t forget about the Juggalos

  10. The FBI is investigating a video that purportedly shows Los Angeles gangmembers fighting in Syria. Is L.A. that bad?

    I don’t like documentaries, but I would watch one about this.

    1. I thi.k it should be done like a rapumentary about an aspiring rapper from LA establishing his street.cred by fighting.in Syria because LA has.gone.soft.

      1. Maybe we can get a productionhouse to help pay for airfare?

    2. I hope they teach the rebels to hold their guns sideways.

      1. Are you throwing shade at Kmele?

        1. After a brief stop at Urban Dictionary, I can answer no. Did he already make that joke?

          1. Wasn’t he holding an imaginary gun sideways on the show last night? I remember thinking he’d never hit his imaginary targets and possibly imaginary injure himself that way.

            Nothing to do with rebels though.

            1. holding an imaginary gun

              He’s lucky he’s an adult, otherwise he’d be suspended and a note left in his permanent record!

            2. I missed that. I think I was cleaning up a shit “accident”.

            3. Mythbusters proved that the gangsta stance is all style and no substance.


      The news item failed to explain that the gang members were in fact fighting each other. One stopped during the shooting to ask whether there was a White Castle nearby.

  11. “…Lt. Col. Joseph “Jay” Morse, supervisors for the Army’s special victim prosecutors, has been suspended after allegations surfaced that he himself groped a lawyer under his supervision. At a legal conference on sexual assault.”


    1. Obviously he was instructing the lawyer as to what constitutes sexual assault. It is regrettable that the lawyer misinterpreted his actions.

  12. A top-ranking general assured Congress that it will take a mitigation task force two years and “billions of dollars to overcome the loss of security that has been imposed” by Edward Snowden’s document leaks.

    Yeah, that’s kind of a common ailment among generals. They see no difference between intended/potential outcomes and actual outcomes. Just because a program was intended to provide security, doesn’t mean it ever actually did.

    1. Clearly a multi-billion dollar study is required to examine the outcomes and suggest ways to make them more optimal.

  13. “You are doing God’s work,” Michelle Obama told healthcare enrollees and application counselors in Miami.

    I knew B.O. had a complex, but, sheesh, come on man.

  14. “I’ve spoken to both Mr. Criminal and Crazy Loco, and none of us have any associations whatsoever with the two men in the video,” the rapper Mr. Capone-E said in a statement.

    Any questions, Professor Pickles?

  15. All the recommendations of Quebecois strip clubs for one of the commentariat who asked, but nothing of the important stuff.

    The fuck is wrong with you people?

    1. Mmmm, Canadian Animal Fries.

      1. Sure them aint In ‘n’ Out Burger animal fries?
        Or did they add something poutine-y to them?

        1. They are In & Out animal fries. Which Canada stole and renamed “poutine”.

    2. What the fuck.is.with their Twitter.being all in French? I 5hought you guys.had some sort.of law requriring commercial speech.to be bil8ngual so normal people.wouldn’t hqve to.wade.through all that.bullshit?

      1. I’m pretty sure that language you’re using isn’t 1 of the 2 bilingual options

        1. I am feeling pissed off.today so.fuck Canada, fuck loud Marketing people, fuck assholes who.don’t know.what they want but.know they.want.it yesterday, and fuck people who.use.the.term “brain time.”

          I’ll give.you.fucking.brain.time.

          1. You telling me. The PQ just called an election.

            I got a bad feeling.

            1. The United States should send troops into Quebec to protect the ethnic French, then have a referendum to break Quebec away from Canada, then take all their hydro power so the US can be green and save the polar bears.

      2. I think you misread the law. I don’t believe there’s such a law. But there is a law by which English words must be less dominant than the Frenchie words.

        Yes, they sink that low they’re so afraid of English.

        Businesses owned by Quebecers don’t generally write in English unless they’re a bigger corporation.

        They don’t care about you since you know, in France there’s no English and in Spain and in Italy etc. You’re expected to know the local language.

        And if you happen to be from Ontario or USA too bad – they don’t like you anyway.

        1. Of course, the level of fear/hostility depends on the Quebecer. I went up there last August, and stopped in a little convenience store. I greeted the (hot) clerk and asked how much an item was in French, and then paid. When I got my card out, she saw the green bills in my wallet, and as I was leaving, said “bye bye”.

          1. No question about it. But just as easily you’ll get a language crusader.

          2. BP, also, Quebec is Mississippi North.

            1. Je se, mon fr?re. I went there often as a kid.

              1. “Je sais”.

                It’s been a while, though.

                1. You still write better than the average Quebecer.

    3. So I’m searching google images for naked women and poutine, imagining a couple of babes in a big bowl of poutine. No such luck however, I think this is worse somehow. The melding of the deep dish with poutine to me is wrong on many levels.

      1. Yeah, fast food chains do a lot of really horrible things to poutine.

  16. I need to share some important local news with you all. VOMIT

    1. That’s the wrong kind of teasing.

      1. Do not ask youtube for her stage name.

        I really need to move someplace where the local culture isn’t based on fat chicks.

        1. It’s a fitting tribute, as Cleveland is a burlesque of competent city management

          I believe burlesque is French for “pretentious stripper”.

    2. Why does the hard and bitter looking woman have the transformers logo tattooed on her right forearm?

      1. When she takes off her whore costume, she transforms into an attractive, dignified, and slim young lady?

    3. I don’t know why they went with a bright, sunny outdoors shot instead of an onstage one. The sun makes her squint like she’s glaring at someone asking her if she’s a stripper.

      1. Well – there’s that and the fact that a well lit photo also makes it easier for people to see how unattractive she is.

    1. Posted by esu5 on Wednesday, March 05, 2014 10:51 AM Pacific Report Abuse
      DPSCanton, we dont have cameras and this is one of the reasons I am against them. That thing would have coffee spilled on it more times than I could count. I realize the camera makes certain things difficult but I still believe it can be handled “correctly”.

      Well then.

      1. Posted by Dtowndpd on Wednesday, March 05, 2014 07:03 AM Pacific Report Abuse
        Police officers deal with enough disturbing reality without having to worry about being arrested by one of their own for doing something that in all likelihood is a result of a work-related coping mechanism. I’m with Mountiejoe on this one; get the officer off the road and arrange for a ride home.

        That’s right, “civilians”. Cops driving drunk is likely just a coping mechanism for the stress of the job. In fact, the taxpayers ought to provide cop-only lanes for the off duty officers in need of unwinding. And any “civilian” that has the audacity to share the road with them while they’re out there coping, well they get what they deserve.

        Fucking animals.

        1. A bunch of people on there are asking the dissenters if they would exercise discretion for their mothers. You know, because your “brothers in blue” should have the same standing as your mother.

  17. “It’s transparent horseshit, but unfortunately there are some people who are eager to eat piles and piles of horseshit.”

    Personally, I prefer eating opaque horseshit ? unless it’s store-bought, then the texture’s just all wrong. That brief intermission out of the way, let’s continue with Amanduh Marcotte: Retard Whisperer

    Conservatives want to drag the debate over to the topic of what’s in their hearts instead of what’s in their actions, because they know that no matter how hateful and bigoted they may be on the inside, as long as they carefully parse their words to outsiders, they can claim to be loving and generous in spirit. As with anti-choicers claiming they just love life and don’t hate women?knowing as they do that we can’t actually peel open their skulls and see the misogyny we are 99% certain is actually there?this dishonesty might seem like a dead end. Can’t see in the brain, so can’t know for sure, right? But with antis, we can look for hypocrisies (they continue to celebrate birthdays instead of conception days)

    True, just like how celebrating name days instead of birthdays indicates a belief that only Catholics are people. Personally, I believe that only people who can accurately identify hypocrisy qualify for personhood (sorry Ms. Marcotte).

    1. It “anti-choicers” are misogynists then there sure are a lot of self hating women out there, consider women are just as divided on the issue as men.

      1. Also, I was apparently too lazy to refresh.

    2. Apparently Jews used to have this belief that holy men lived exactly X number of years, meaning that they would die on their conception days. And that’s one theory of why Christmas is on December 25, since because he died on March 25, he must have been conceived on that day too.

      Not that it means anything, but Amanduh is apparently unaware that some religious people care about conception days. Shockingly.

    3. If conservatives are misogynists, and a large percentage (too lazy to look up) of conservatives are women, are all those women misogynists?

      1. They’re sex-traitors, and/or suffering from false consciousness.

        1. This. No one is more hated than the collaborator.

          1. See: the treatment of Sarah Palin. Even to this day, they’re offering to poop in her mouth.

            1. For free? Hell, they always charge me more when I ask.

    4. If you’re fucking everyday or multiple times a day, how exactly would you know the conception day? The OB/GYN can give a +/- week estimate at best.

      1. Maybe if you just stopped using logic, it would all start to make sense.

        Actually, that’s a pretty good rule of thumb for just about any Marcotte OP.

      2. AmanDUH thinks Christians get no pleasure from sex and only feel dirty and guilty immediately after it. Therefore, she thinks that every single act of Christian sex results in conception.

  18. What the fuck.is.with their Twitter.being all in French? I 5hought you guys.had some sort.of law requriring commercial speech.to be bil8ngual so normal people.wouldn’t hqve to.wade.through all that.bullshit.

    1. bil8ngual


      1. Fuck the.number.8, too.

      2. Not-so-smart-phone-ese

    2. db, let me blow your pissed off mind some more. Canada is officially bilingual while Quebec thought it be a great idea to be officially unilingual.

      It should be the other way around.

      1. Fuck, man, that is classic.trolling.on the.part of Quebec.

        1. Ha. Never thought of it that way.

          1. Doesn’t Quebec simply exist to fuck with the rest of Canada? I mean, except for.Newfoundland. They may not rule the.night, but they sure want cake.

            1. Sorry, I.let my pissed off state of mind get the bestof.me. i actually like.Newfoundlanders. beautiful country, nice.people, even.if.they.have.an.inexplicable inability to.prepare fish properly.

              1. My only exposure to Newfies.

              2. All good to me.

  19. “MORE GUNS, because your phallic death totems are so soothing and help fill, temporarily, that desire to be a big man.”


    the white male vote is controlled by nothing more than resentment, particularly resentment of women and people of color for spending the last few decades improving their lot in life. It’s not even a vote to restore lost levels of white male privilege, since I think white men must know that putting that genie back into the bottle isn’t going to work. At this point, then, voting Republican is just about punishment. You can’t stop a black guy from being your boss at work and your wife is never going to be Mrs. Cleaver, but you can make life a little harder for women and people of color in revenge for “stealing” the easy life of never having to compete with them that you feel entitled to.

    One can only hope that Sarah Palin will be the one administering the spankings.

    The crybaby factor is seriously depressing.

    You said it, sister.

    1. the white male vote is controlled by nothing more than resentment

      I hate to admit that Epi was right about anything other than his description of his mom’s smell, but fuck. Projection always, projection forever, nothing but endless projection.

      1. Exactly. They assume everyone is as filled with (and consumed by) hate as they are, and cannot conceive of any alternate explanations.

    2. This has convinced me that Amanduh isn’t the dumbest person to ever live, but that the people who enable her are.

      1. She is almost as dumb as the nazi nithings and sand Nazi nithings on soc.culture.israel

    3. Their collectivism really shines through with this resentment crap.

      Why I would be mad at working women, or successful black people, or acceptance of gay people?

      Most of my life has been like this; I, and most other evil white guys, have no memory of these golden times of bigotry and privilege that we’re supposedly yearning for. That’s social justice writ large: we are to pay for the sins of those similarly skinned as us committed centuries ago and they are still victims of crimes that are mostly lost to history.

      1. Being neither an Evil White Guy nor a prog-fem with Betazoid-level telepathy, I’m not an expert — but isn’t this:

        we are to pay for the sins of those similarly skinned as us committed centuries ago and they are still victims of crimes that are mostly lost to history.

        Pretty much exactly how almost any ethnic conflict gets going?

        Seems like exactly the wrong thing to do is to give people with a certain skin color or ethnicity unearned status at the expense of others, lest those “others” start despising that group as a whole, thus causing thing very thing which this policy was meant to cure.

        Just a thought.

        1. It also really bugs me because all the privilege bullshit I allegedly have was never actually enjoyed by my ancestors because they didn’t live in this country at the time. And, like a lot of immigrants, they were not the privileged ones where they did live.

          So that’s brilliant too.

          1. Don’t lie, Nicole. Your Irish great- great-grandpa was having the time of his life starving to death in Ireland. Privilege like that can’t be denied.

            And don’t even start on how ridiculously privileged penniless Jews and a Jap hanging out at Internment Camp B were.

        2. Isn’t that basically how Hitler got so many Germans to turn against the Jews?

          1. Yeah.

            Amanduh basically has a Word copy of Mein Kampf, substituting “white male” for “Jew”.

        3. My so-called privilege was also never experienced as I grew up in one of the very few places where being white is the minority in the US.

          There is no advantage to being gringo in Miami, and there never was in my lifetime.

  20. Another burrito article. This time by some dumb bitch Huffpo writer.

    it didn’t take me long to realize what Chipotle was really doing by adding tofu (aka Sofritas) to its menu: It had cleverly devised a way to get vegetarians to pay more for a meatless burrito. Now, vegetarians can spend just as much as omnivores…

    Adding tofu to the mix really changes things. Sofritas costs the same as chicken ($8.50, including tax) and guacamole turns into an added cost. That brings the cost up to $10.75. Am I really willing to shell out an extra $2.25 for some braised tofu?

    If not, you can shut the fuck up.

    1. I sincerely hope they do, because that’s $2.25 they won’t be spending on something political.

      That, and they probably need the protein.

    2. I get the vegetarian bowl (not a vegetarian, however), which is cheaper. I think they typically give you free guacamole if you order that way, too.

      1. Ah, you carry your own sack of meat around with you too? Smart.

          1. I call dibs on “Bert and Ernie.”

          2. Alpha and Omega, for me.

            1. That made me laugh, because it made me think of the doomsday missile in Beneath the Planet of the Apes that the mutants worshiped (it has an alpha and omega on its fins).

              1. Huh. I always thought Warty was the one with the balls of DOOM.

                1. Nope. R C Dean walks around town, with mutants worshiping his crotch. That’s pretty cool–I have no mutant posse.

        1. Well, his orphan carries around a sack of another one of his orphans.

        2. Yes. I ferment it under my ass when riding my horse. Like the Mongols.

        3. I used to before my wife hid the Ronco dehydrator from me. I miss those days.

    3. Serious question: Don’t people have local taquerias they can go to instead of paying more for an inferior product at Chipotle?

      1. Not in KY.

        That said, I don’t go toe nasty ass Chipotle either.

        1. Plenty of Mexicans in KY — seems like a real business opportunity then.

          1. Actually I’ve seen one taqueria in Lexington, and cheap too.

      2. A lot of people rave about how awesome Chipotle is. I am forced to assume their tastebuds have all been burned off, so they don’t notice how incredibly bland it is.

        1. You’re supposed to put things on top of the rice.

        2. Yes, I wouldn’t say that at all. I usually bury it in hot sauce from home (almost always takeout when we get it) to make it worth my while. There’s nothing particularly wrong with it, for what it is, but it’s not particularly exciting, either.

          I’d much rather have real Mexican food, or at least the Americanized version of it, since real Mexican isn’t always available.

          1. So when I’m in the States do I go to Chipotle or not?

            1. No. It’s like going to Subway for a sandwich — fine if you’re in a hurry and need to eat, but don’t expect anything more.

              Per @AndyRichter: “In terms of culinary romance, Subway is like a half-hearted, technically-consensual fingering”

              1. Hilarious.

            2. Not

          2. The most real Mexican food is Taco Bell.

            Everyone goes on and on about how much they hate it, but they still go there because it gets the job done for a quarter the price of anyone else. Which is as Mexican as something can get.

            1. +1 potato taco.

            2. The most real Mexican food is Taco Bell.

              Evidently the people of Rockford, IL thought so at one time…


        3. If you judge it against fast food it’s pretty good. If you’re judging it against even an average taco place it’s pitiful.

          1. Compared to Taco Bell, it’s fucking Ruth’s Chris.

            1. Ruth’s Chris is the McDonalds of steakhouses.

              1. I love in Ruth’s Chris how the average dipshit is dazzled by the steak coming out noisily “sizzling.” They don’t realize they just put a little butter on the hot plate to make that noise, it has nothing to do with the steak.

              2. I was scrambling for a recognizable chain that was better than Chipotle.

                  1. I.dislike Moe’s.

                1. I just like mixed food metaphors.

              3. then what is The Outback?

                I swear they dump an entire michigan salt mine on their steaks.

          2. Moe’s blows it out of the water, and that’s still fast food.

          3. Dude, I had actual, Mexican roadside tacos in Todos Santos. They were delicious, I grant. But Chipotle is not “pitiful” in comparison.

            1. Speaking of which, if Mainer (or HM) is here, here are two authentic, highly reviewed Mexican restaurants in downtown Manchester.

              I haven’t been to Guadalupana, although I’m planning on it, but El Rincon’s tostadas are awesome. They litereally right across from the Verizon center. Guadalupana is off exit 6 from 93.

              1. Those both look legit. They have menudo and Jarritos.

                1. Yeah, I had a Jarritos ‘Mango’ with my last order. Pretty good.

        4. Hell even judged by fast food burrito chain standards Chipotle is behind Free Birds and Mission Burrito.

          1. Agreed. And El Pollo Loco

            1. EPL’s Poblano burrito is outstanding, as is their chicken (by fast food standards). I don’t understand why that company is doing so poorly.

            2. Yes. And Rubio’s.

            3. What about Los Pollos Hermanos?

              1. Their service isn’t speedy enough.

          2. Free Birds has finally moved out west. It’s pretty good, but I think Cafe Rio is better

            1. Why does Free Birds need a swipecard loyalty club?

              1. They used to do a free burrito every…I wanna say thirteenth burrito. That was back in like 2000 or so.

      3. flye|3.6.14 @ 4:58PM|#
        “Serious question: Don’t people have local taquerias they can go to instead of paying more for an inferior product at Chipotle?”

        Some local taquerias make Chipolte look good.

  21. Attack of the dreaded cultural appropriation.

    Why I can’t stand white belly dancers
    Whether they know it or not, white women who practice belly dance are engaging in appropriation

    1. Wasn’t belly dancing practiced in Ottoman Turkey? Weren’t a lot of the women in the harem Christian slaves from Balkan Europe? If so, then some white women were belly dancers, no?

      1. Many of those girls were literally from the Caucuses.

        1. Let’s try that again: Many of those girls were literally from the Caucasuses.

      2. Doesn’t matter. What matters is they think it’s cultural appropriation, and thus they are microaggressed against and therefore you have to do what they say.

    2. Yoga? Arabic numerals? The Roman alphabet? Eating new world foods?

      Where does this appropriation bullshit end?

      1. when they’ve re-instituted segregation. Then they’ll have something legitimate to bitch about again.

      2. Remember back when America was a “melting pot” and we were proud of that? Now it’s about segregation. Total, absolute, and complete segregation. It would be great if they’d only take it all the way to each individual, rather than arbitrarily stopping at artificial, tribal distinctions.

        1. “The melting pot is just a lie by white Christian Republicans to suppress cultural, ethnic and gender pride. Sure, you want to smear us all with the same bland mayonnaise mediocrity!”
          /Grievance studies major

          1. Except that lefties were pushing that lie like crazy in the 70s. I know, they taught me in the public schools. Melting pot. Like a giant racially and culturally blended fondue.

            1. You don’t understand: it was important to think of America as a melting pot then to get past decades, centuries of oppression and segregation. Now, it is important to recognize and reinforce our differences because that’s what makes us special.

              1. Screw it, I’m sticking with the fondue they forced down my throat.

                1. I think they were moving over to the salad bowl analogy when I was in school: mixed together but still culturally distinct components.

                  1. Fuck that. Melted into an indistinguishable mess. That’s what’s happening, anyway, regardless of how much they try to make us all hate each other.

                    1. Some people posited there was a “stew” transition phase, but I don’t directly remember it.

                  2. That’s funny, jesse, because I remember when I was in Canada all we did was make fun of how they call themselves a fruitcake instead of a melting pot. For exactly the same reason.

                    1. We’re all descended from ten guys and a chick living in the equivalent of a hippie commune in Kenya, anyway.

                    2. +1 genetic Eve

          2. But is it artisinal mayonnaise?!

      3. “The English language is culturally for descendents of English settlers only. Please stop your cultural appropriation of our language and communicate in whatever form would have been correct for your ancestors.”

        1. My ancestors were English, Irish, Scottish, Dutch, German, and Italian. Which language am I supposed to speak?

          1. Make up your own language with vocabulary in the correct proportion of your ancestral origins.

          2. English, Irish, Scottish, German, French, Norwegian, etc. (Maybe we’re related.)

            But we’re all African-American if you go back far enough. Even Native Americans.

    3. Send all your white women belly dancers to me

      1. Only if you promise to make them ashamed of their cultural appropriation.

        1. All the better:)

    4. pardon me if I take her stated reason for hating the belly dancers with a huge grain of HFCS.

    5. Video I took of a friend of mine performing a few years ago.


      She couldn’t be any whiter (skin tone wise).

      1. SF’ed the link

  22. “growing up in rural West Texas in the 90s, I definitely heard people trot out breathless claims that racism had biblical origins and justifications. I hesitate to even repeat them, they are so gross and offensive, but suffice it to say, the arguments didn’t just disappear when Jim Crow did. They went underground.”

    Amanduh, I think black Texans just told you that so you’d leave them alone.

    I don’t think Beutler sincerely thinks that Douthat’s concern that religious bigotry can’t survive becoming unfashionable is factually inaccurate.

    I don’t think that Amanda sincerely thinks that the sentence (this sentence, which Amanda has written on her blog on Raw Story) can’t not be any clearer than it already is. I think.

    churches will never be forced to marry gay couples. They aren’t forced to marry interracial couples now.

    She knows this because she wrote it down just now.

    1. I don’t think that Amanda sincerely thinks that the sentence (this sentence, which Amanda has written on her blog on Raw Story) can’t not be any clearer than it already is. I think.

      I’m with you! I think.

    2. West Texas? I don’t believe that. EAST Texas? Fuck yes. There are a bunch of racist motherfuckers east of Beaumont.

  23. He’s just gobbling up the attention.


  24. Sen. Mitch McConnell (KY-R) brought a gun.

    Well, yeah, a gun that Bill Maher would approve of.

    1. Seriously. That’s like attending a Harley road rally on a moped.

  25. “”You are doing God’s work,” Michelle Obama told healthcare enrollees and application counselors in Miami.”

    Humility isn’t part of the Obo family’s skill set.

  26. Male on Male GAZE!

    “So a friend of mine recently told me I had no idea how hard it was being a girl, because when she wears leggings, everybody stares at her butt, so today, I’m going to find out exactly how hard it is,” says Erakat in the video above.

    The men gaze freely at the legging-clad bum until they realize the booty belongs to a man. Then they instantly change their tune.

    The YouTube video, which currently has over 6 million views, is making an important statement about women dealing with unwanted stares and attention on a daily basis — even when just going to a yoga class.

    Next time you find yourself objectifying a person, walk a mile in her shoes… We mean, leggings.

    1. I can’t.wear.yoga pants because my ass hair.clumps.up.under.them and causes.unsightly bulges as well as.electric shocks.

      1. Thank you for sharing.

    2. We like to look at asses. Accept it.

      1. This girl the other day was wearing leggings as we both shopped in the same grocery store. You know how hard it is to shop for groceries with a nice firm ass on display?

        I want someone to make a video of THAT.

        1. Picking up my kid from kindergarten is like being a kid in a candy shop. Yoga pants or tennis skirts, year round.

          1. I seriously wanted to rely to this with:

            Dude. THEY’RE FIVE.

            …but I like Playa.

            1. Eight year olds, Dude.

            2. I have erred very badly in my choice of words.

              MILFS. Hot MILFS.

              1. MILFS. Hot MILFS.

                Moppets I’d Like to Fuck?


              2. I have erred very badly in my choice of words.

                Well, you just omitted the words that would have made that clear.

                Sorry, man. I knew what you meant, but couldn’t resist.

      2. Sorry, feminists fantasize about a world where the basic functions of evolutionary biology don’t exist.

        1. Because 99% of feminists have flabby disgusting rear ends no one would ever want to look at.

          1. Yup.

    3. “So a friend of mine recently told me I had no idea how hard it was being a girl, because when she wears leggings, everybody stares at her butt,

      Change the culture so that all men stare at the ground all the time or dress appropriately for work? We know which one the feminists choose.

      1. Really, is there a point to leggings other than for appearances? I can’t imagine that they’re comfortable, but then my legs have always had too much extra to tolerate skinny jeans. Isn’t the point to look sexy?

        I guess the answer is the old, “You’re not supposed to look at me unless you’re someone I want to look at me.”

        1. Leggings are super comfortable. It’s like wearing a tshirt for pants.

          1. Fair warning then, we will look at your ass.

            1. Leggings are also house or exercise clothes. Not out clothes. Because I’m a fucking adult.

              1. So that’s how you get around that tricky problem then. Interesting.

            2. Or look away, depending on how horribly fat you are.

          2. I defer to your judgment. I’ve seen ads claim they’re comfortable while actors dance around in super tight pants, and my mind can’t process it. I’m a baggy boy.

            1. I’m trying to think of analogy that works for men’s clothes…basically, they’re tight in the way socks or something are tight. I.e., right up against your skin, but move 100% with your body.

              1. OK, that’s a better analogy than T-shirt for pants. If they can provide that kind of comfort with enough flexibility needed for pants, then god bless ’em.

          3. Wouldn’t a t-shirt for pants just be cotton pants? I mean, a tee isn’t form fittng, unless your a douche or weigh 400 pounds.

            1. Most of my t-shirts are pretty much form fitting, and I don’t weigh anywhere near 400….oh. Damn.

    4. Didn’t somebody do something like this a few months ago and some women freaked out about him not really understanding all of the cultural underpinnings of being objectified, or something?

      1. The entire linchpin of the feminist grievance industry is “you can’t really know how bad it is because you’re not a woman, so you just have to take our word for it and institute any solution we want”

        As a result, these kinds of experiments are dangerous.

        Interestingly, this does not apply to the experiences of men, because “privilege”.

        1. Sudden’s Boilerplate Response:

          You think that’s bad, honey, try walking around with a dick all day.

          1. My wife has stated she cannot imagine what it must be like to walk around with “outside equipment.”

          2. A lesbian tried it. It took such a mental toll that she had to check herself into a mental hospital after 18 months.

            1. It was an interesting book, but it was more telling about her than maleness.

              1. I read an excerpt about how mean the women on her dates were and it brought a smile to my face.

          3. It isn’t the equipment as much as the programing that comes with it. Having a healthy male libido is like giving control of your consciousness to a terrier. You’re trying to concentrate to get something done and – “squirrel!” – suddenly your eyes and mind are following some part of a female anatomy (real or imagined).

    5. “I don’t get it. I’m walking around in skin-tight clothing that leaves little to the imagination and dudes are looking at me!”

    6. Sounds like a person who would enjoy living in Saudi Arabia.

    7. The men gaze freely at the legging-clad bum until they realize the booty belongs to a man.

      Some of us keep staring even after we realize the booty belongs to a man.

    8. They make sweat pants for that. If you don’t want people staring at your legs, don’t wear elastic on them.

  27. Classic demonstration of what happens when feminists try to do science blogging.

    Guy asks a question about the methodology of a study in the comments, gets called a misogynist.

    1. Methodology? Methods.and.procedures.are.an.inherently masculine.concept and.therefore inferior.and.scary.

    2. The name of the site is skepchick. Perhaps they are using a different definition of skeptical than me. Is there a definition that means “believing whatever one is told”?

      Can you give me a reason, other than, “Well, I haven’t SEEN it, so I’m skeptical” as to why you’re skeptical of these claims?

      1. You’re allowed to be skeptical about the things they don’t like. You’re not allowed to be skeptical about the things they do.

      2. They’re skeptical of everything their parents believed because “fuck you dad!” Not, like, one who doubts by default until evidence is presented.

    3. marilove is a dense dunce. I’ll remember her the next her side charges ‘right-wingers’ are anti-science.

      The questions posed by ‘contemplative’ are valid and acceptable and she seems incapable of engaging in serious dialogue. She’s just sure of her own position because, you know, it’s her experience.

      She’s a flake.

      1. She’s also a perfect representation of their usual comentariat.

  28. Apparently Slate’s editor has miraculously recovered from the coma she’s been in the past decade, because Feb 28 was Sadbeard’s last day on Slate (awwwww). (Naturally, his last real column was about burritos. Seriously, I’m not making this up.) As he shuffles off to the mental asylum from which he will write his columns for Ezra Klein’s new “journalism” project, let us read the “best of” list he has generously compiled for us to mock treasure.

    I’m enormously indebted to the editors who gave me a shot here; to the copy editors I’ve tortured with typos; to David Weigel

    He has copy-editors?!?!?! WFT?!?! What did the first draft of his stuff look like, a semen-encrusted drawing of two donkeys doing it next to a Taco Bell?

    Also, Weigel. Of course.

    Chipotle is Apple. The burrito chain is revolutionizing food: Why doesn’t it get more respect?
    Taco Bell’s Sophisticated Side: The new Cantina Bell menu shows the influence of Chipotle on the industry and the real future of American food.

    Two of the “top ten” Sadbeard articles. Truly, the pinnacle of journalistic greatness.

    In true Yglesian fashion, this post originally misspelled the last name of future Slate columnist Jordan Weissmann and the name of the restaurant Chipotle.

    There is something seriously wrong with that boy.

    1. He has copy-editors?!?!?! WFT?!?!

      That’s it. Nuke it from orbit.

      1. This is actually my POV. I know nothing at all about this guy except what I read here. I mean this–never heard of him before.

      2. He’s a burrito reviewer, I think.

        1. Huh. Like that spiky white-haired guy, going around the country, reviewing burritos?

  29. If we lie enough, maybe we can convince ourselves.

    Say a boy comes up to a girl on the playground and punches her on the arm. She tells him to stop it and he continues punching her. There are no adults around, nobody to protect her. She remembers that her parents told her never to fight back because that’s rude and mean. So she sits there and takes it. Eventually someone comes by and finds her bruised and possibly bloody because she just stood there while someone punched her.

    What if instead we told our girls that they’re allowed to stand up for themselves if they need to? What if we told them that they could return force with equal force (in this scenario there is no adult to go run and get because the internet doesn’t have Internet Mom to save us)? In that scenario, the girl might place a well-aimed kick to the groin and be left alone. None of this is to say that I advocate violence, but rather that sometimes the choices are violence to yourself or violence to others. We’ve told women and girls for too long that they must choose violence to themselves.

    Almost every woman I’ve ever dated has responded to words with hitting. Women hit men about 30 times more than the other way around.

    1. Maybe these poor abused women could carry some sort of tool that they could use to defend themselves if there is no one around to protect them? Has anyone heard of such a tool?

      1. A cell phone to call the adults/authorities?

        1. An Obamaphone!

      2. Rape whistle?

      3. Syrup of ipecac to induce vomiting?

    2. The last (and only) time I’ve “gotten into a fight” with a woman, it involved me calling her a slut (for repeatedly sleeping with one of her friend’s boyfriends), then her physically attacking me. All I did physically during the engagement was dodge and block one slap to my face. The bystanders still took her side.

      1. Actually, I just remembered what I said. It wasn’t explicitly calling her a slut (though I had done that on a different occasion). It was while we were arguing over a rules violation I said “I forgot, you like to sleep with cheaters.”

        1. That type of shit seriously depresses me. WTF, ladies?

        2. Not the same story but in a similar vain. A buddy of ours (he was from Cuba) threw a party at his house (one of many) back in the day. One day some ‘outsiders’ crashed and all was well until one of them got drunk and started acting like a complete ass including starting to grope our buddy’s sister.

          Long story short, he gave the guy repeated warnings. His friends tried to call him down. Another buddy even took him out for a walk for some air. Once tensions cooled my buddy then asked him to respectfully leave his house. EVERYONE witnessed the efforts made to diffuse the situation which lasted a good half hour.

          Know what the guy did? He told him to fuck off. My buddy clocked him out cold with one solid punch.

          Guess what? A girl who knew every single one of us (we weren’t exactly known to be pugilists but more of a Rat Pack bunch so she should have discounted this in her reaction) went nuts calling him and the rest of us animals! She was dating a friend of ours.

          The guy deserved it – and more in my opinion.


          1. ‘same vein.’ Woops.

          2. His house and the guy would’t leave? He’s lucky to have gotten punched.

          3. He had many houses? How did he make his money?

      2. “The bystanders still took her side.”

        Makes sense. They probably didn’t want to be her next victim.

    3. What a pathetic, deranged fantasy world these people live in. In real life, how many boys come up to a girl on the playground and keep hitting her on the arm without the other boys mocking him for being such a pussy that he has to pick on girls?

      1. Your mistake is to presume they are capable of contemplating plausible hypothetical situations.

    4. None of this is to say that I advocate violence, but rather that sometimes the choices are violence to yourself or violence to others.

      Is this…a new discovery?

      And…I’m pretty sure we have not been “telling women and girls” this.

      1. I’m pretty sure I’ve told the she-spawn to “kick his/her ass,” if attacked.

        1. It’s definitely what my dad taught me.

      2. The scenario has never been the status quo anywhere ever in history. Before feminism, the girl’s brother or father would defend her. There’s no society that thinks that women deserve to be beaten senseless with no recourse. They’re so delusional.

    5. “Boys” and “girls” on a playground? Seems awfully early to start enforcing gender norms.

    6. “Almost every woman I’ve ever dated has responded to words with hitting. Women hit men about 30 times more than the other way around.”

      You appear to have a thing for abusive women.

      1. Yeah, that is not normal and definitely not OK.

        1. Women I know are almost ubiquitous in responding to friendly ribbing by punching you in the arm or chest. Where do you live that that’s not the case?

  30. “You are doing God’s work,” Michelle Obama told healthcare enrollees and application counselors in Miami.”

    Obama’s Divinity Finally Admitted.

  31. it will take a mitigation task force two years and “billions of dollars to overcome the loss of security that has been imposed” by Edward Snowden

    Wow! How much to overcome the loss of security imposed by the Patriot Act and the NDAA?

  32. A top-ranking general assured Congress that it will take a mitigation task force two years and “billions of dollars to overcome the loss of security that has been imposed” by Edward Snowden’s document leaks.

    Meanwhile the loss of liberty in the pursuit if security went unnoticed.

  33. Not Vegan approved? Broken bones could be healed with silk.
    It turns out, however, that pure silk protein from silkworm cocoons can be used to create plates and screws that are strong, biodegradable and that will be readily accepted by the body. The researchers tested a total of 28 screws made from the protein, in lab trials using rats.
    Not only did the screws remain securely in place until they eventually dissolved, but they also didn’t show up in X-rays ? this could be of great help to doctors, who want to see the fracture itself without the added clutter of metal bits and pieces blocking the view.

    1. they also didn’t show up in X-rays

      “Silk-based broken-bone technique banned by DHS”

  34. also f*** people who send you emails after a normal office hours to make some sort of point about how hard they work

    1. and f*** speech to text apps that sensor your words

    1. You’ll be able to pick out the insufferable-hispter-doofus-douches among us more easily now.

      How long before NBA players latch on to it?

      Lebron: “Yes, I belong on Mount Rushmore.” /raises monocle.

      1. Hey, it brings the dream to life!

        I’m actually much more interested in a pimp cane, myself, but I appropriate like that.

    2. What sucks is that I could get away with a monocle; my left eye is 20/20 while my right is… something else. But now I can’t consider it, as I’d just be another bearded, bemonocled hipster in Brooklyn.

      1. I take it none of your child slaves reads, then.

      2. Add the top hat. No hipster wears a top hat. Though a few have canes.

    3. When I first heard about this I thought it was part of that old joke about “wearing a monocle in his navel” because he has his head so far up his ass.

  35. OT: I was at Newark Airport last month, and I saw a sign that said “Guard Post Bravo”.

    Just when I thought the TSA could not be any more pathetic with their GI Joe fantasies…

    It was a good day for derp-spotting.

    1. They’re just rockin’ it from the Delta to the DMZ.

      1. You can tell who the real shitkickers are, ’cause they wear necklaces made out of confiscated toe nail clippers.

  36. Broke state wants monument to unpayable debt.


  37. Maybe you should gain weight

    Popular culture is currently at war with the notion that a man should be big and strong, because popular culture is at war with the idea of independence and self-sufficiency, and a big strong man literally embodies the concept.

    1. Do more squats

  38. Obama blames congress for…let’s see this time it’s deportations.

    Jesus christ, is there nothing that man CAN do?

    1. Kill American citizens after trying them in a Star Chamber. Unilaterally rescind key elements of the legislation that bears his name. Pout over failed gun-control initiatives that crippled him within weeks of re-election. Read speeches written by other people. Get his ass kicked in 67% of the televised debates he’s ever had.

      May have missed a few.

  39. “You are doing God’s work,” — Uhhh, Mrs. First Lady, these people are not Goldman Sachs. You are mistaken.

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