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Culture

William Burroughs' Claymation Christmas

Something seasonal.

Jesse Walker | 12.25.2013 12:08 PM

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Something seasonal:

(I blogged this once before, but the old YouTube video seems to have disappeared. Let's hope this one survives til next December.)

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NEXT: John Stossel on Santa-Crushing Red Tape

Jesse Walker is books editor at Reason and the author of Rebels on the Air and The United States of Paranoia.

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  1. Archduke von Pantsfan   11 years ago

    The Reason staff is working on Christmas????

    1. Jesse Walker   11 years ago

      If I were working this would have gone up at 8 or 9.

    2. The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc   11 years ago

      It is a libertarian magazine.

      1. Heroic Mulatto   11 years ago

        JOOOZZZZ!!!!

        1. Killaz   11 years ago

          Jooz and the Chinese* are the only people I can get a decent meal off of this time of year. The pungency of traditional fair has always made me gag.

          *yes, my dot Indian friend is excluded too, though his wife makes a potato soup to die for.

  2. Mike M.   11 years ago

    The Christmas socks being worn by the players in this Bulls-Nets game are some of the gayest things I’ve ever seen in my life.

  3. Night Befo? Crizzmus   11 years ago

    Wus da night afo’ Crizzmus, and all thru da hood,
    everybody be sleepin’ and da sleepin’ be good.
    We hunged up our stockins, an hoped like all heck,
    That brother Obama gunna brang us our checks.

    All of da family, was lay’in on da flo’,
    my sister wif her gurlfriend,
    my brother wif some ho.
    Ashtrays was all full , empty beer cans and all
    when I heared such a fuss, I thunk?.”Sh’eet, must be da law”.

    I pulled the sheet off da window and what I’ze could see,
    I was spectin’ the sherrif, wif a warrent fo’ me.
    But what I’ze did see, made me say, “Lawd look ‘a dat!”
    Dere was a huge watermelon, pulled by eight big-ass rats.

    1. Night Befo? Crizzmus   11 years ago

      Now ovah da years, Santy Claws he be white,
      but it looks like us brothas, got a black un’ tonight.
      Faster than a poe’lice car, my homeboy he came,
      and whupped up on dem rats, as he called dem by name.

      On Biden, On Jessie, On Pelosi and Hillary Who ,
      On Fannie, On Freddie, On Ayers, and Slick Willy too.
      Obama landed dat melon, right there in da street,
      I knowed it fo’ sho’, ? can you believe that Sheet?

      Dat Santy don’t need no chimley, he picked da lock on my do’,
      an I sez to myself, “Son o’ bitch?he don did dis befo!”
      He had a big bag, full of presents ? at first I suspeck?
      Wif “Air Jordans” and fake gold, to wear roun’ my neck.

      But he left me no presents, just started stealin my shit.
      He got my guns and my crack, and my new burglers kit.
      Den, wif my shit in his bag, out da windo’ he flew,
      I sho’ woulda shanked him, but he snagged my blade too!

      He jumped back on dat melon, wif out even a hitch,
      and wuz gone in two seconds, da democrat sonofabitch.
      So nex year I be hopin’, a white Santy we git,
      ’cause a black Santy Claws, just ain’t worf a shit!

      1. EDG reppin' LBC   11 years ago

        Well that was pretty racist.

        1. Mike M.   11 years ago

          It’s either American or Mary Stack.

          1. Killaz   11 years ago

            After which she’ll go back to Huffpo and post, ‘Look at what a bunch of racist rednecks those libertarians are!’.

  4. Killaz   11 years ago

    Hey, Killaz, how did you spend your Christmas afternoon?

    Placing and leveling a two by four underneath the hot water heater to offset the floorboard that broke beneath it.

    You’re awesome! So manly.

    Fuck you! That’s time I could have been checking out the head hunter DLC for Borderlands 2. Or, I could have had a conversation with my family about health care while my feet are propped up, cocoa in my cup and a smug smile on my face.

    1. Archduke von Pantsfan   11 years ago

      Borderlands 2 you say

      1. Killaz   11 years ago

        Played up to the Bunk3r in Ultimate Badass mode. Went toe to toe with it for an hour until I ran out of money to buy more ammo, Bricks men don’t supply nearly enough to compensate for the toughness at the level. So I got the bright idea. I’ll go back to Sanctuary, pick some expensive loot in my vault, and start the fight over with several million in resources at my disposal. Didn’t work out so well. It starts you back at the outer map instead of the Bunk3r map. Going through those 2 Ultimate Badass Constructers 3.0 to get to the Bunk3r was not my idea of fun. Bbbrrrrrr!

        1. Episiarch   11 years ago

          I made that mistake in my first playthrough; remember: gold Fast-Travel stations are one-way, so you won’t be getting back there without cutting your way through all those loaders again. But I’m still finishing playthrough 2 in order to get to Ultimate Vault Hunter mode, which I have heard from many people is nigh impossible.

  5. Archduke von Pantsfan   11 years ago

    Is Steam down for anyone else?

    1. Heroic Mulatto   11 years ago

      It’s 3:10 PM (EST) here and Steam is up for me. EU4 is 50 percent off, btw.

      1. Archduke von Pantsfan   11 years ago

        Steam forgot my saved password. Now it doesn’t recognize my id. Email to retrieve my id and password has not been sent in over 30 minutes.

    2. Corning   11 years ago

      The website is down for me.

      1. Archduke von Pantsfan   11 years ago

        YES

  6. Derpetologist   11 years ago

    Merry Xmas Reasonoids!

    I found a blog dedicated to examining Amanda Marcotte’s run-on sentences. Enjoy!

    I also took at stab at the subject on my own blog.

  7. RishJoMo   11 years ago

    Heck yeah dude thats what I am talking about man.

    http://www.BeinAnon.tk

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