NORAD Adds Santa's Fighter Jet Escort to Tracking Animation

Fighter jets have been linked to NORAD's Santa program since the 60s, but its the first time they'll show up in the animation


the grinch stole your alt text

NORAD, the US (and Canadian) air defense command for North America, has been "tracking" Santa Claus since the 1950s, and this year, for the first time, it's going to include fighter jets in the animation video (still pictured right) it produces of Santa's flight. The move has some children's advocates claiming the military is trying to covertly advertise to children through the Santa program. Via the Boston Globe:

 "Children associate Santa with gifts and fun and everything else that is positive about Christmas," said Allen Kanner, a California child and family psychologist and cofounder of the Boston-based Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood. "They are associating this with the military in children's minds. It is completely out of line."

…Some worry that American youth are already sufficiently indoctrinated by the military — and wonder why the Department of Defense would deem it necessary to target little kids who still believe in Santa Claus.

"I think people are quite aware of the military's true mission," said Amy Hagopian, a professor of public health at the University of Washington, who has written extensively about military recruiting of youngsters. "If the military wants to keep its ranks stocked, it needs to appeal to children. The military knows it can't appeal to adults to volunteer. It is like the ad industry."

Though the inclusion of fighter jets in the actual animation of Santa Calus is new, a spokesperson pointed out to Reuters that NORAD's Santa-related activities have linked fighter jets to the imaginary character's make-believe flights since the 60s. The Santa tracking program began in 1955, when a Sears ad accidentally listed NORAD's predecessor's phone number in a campaign to call Santa, and is reportedly funded entirely through corporate sponsorships, at no taxpayer expense.

You can watch a NORAD video explaining the program here and the video featuring the fighter jets below:

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  1. Argh! I hate having to agree with anything in the Boston Globe!

    1. So don’t.

      You think kids don’t think fighter jets are cool? Used to get G.I. Joe under the tree all the time.

      1. Everybody knows the only real aviators fly helicopters anyway.

        1. Aviators are pussies. Chicks dig pilots.

          1. I make $82h while I’m traveling the world. Last week I worked by my laptop in Rome, Monti Carlo and finally Paris?This week I’m back in the USA. All I do are easy tasks from this one cool site. Check it out,…WWW.JUMP85.COM

          2. *ahem* ~Astronaut

          3. Chicks only dig pilots for leg shaving tips.

          4. Aviators are pussies. Chicks dig pilots.

            Think you have that backwards. “Flare to land, squat to pee.

      2. You don’t think G.I. Joe is propaganda? Not saying it bothers me or should be taken off the airwaves or anything, but it’s pretty clearly got a jingoistic, nationalist, AMERICA FUCK YEAH message

        1. It did until Hollywood got its grubby hands all over it.

          God, those movies sucked rancid donkey penis.

          1. rancid donkey penis

            great band name?

        2. Who said it wasn’t propaganda? And who cares if it is? What I said was kids think military shit is cool. And if NORAD is tracking Santa I have no problem with him having an escort.

          1. Do they ever think that it makes little kids feel safer and less anxious in general? Most kids like to think those military jets are protecting them, and if they want to be in the military and fly jets when they grow up, why is this awful?

          2. Concur, my initial reaction was mild outrage, but then I realized I’ve been hanging out on reason for too long and this does not represent some hidden propaganda agenda. It’s just “military shit” and kids do think it’s cool. Getting outraged just feeds into the overall PC/”pussification” agenda that also now tells me that dressing up as a Cowboy for halloween is racist…

        3. I have a Mountie GI Joe. Don’t know why.

          1. Didn’t know they made gay GI Joes

            1. I didn’t know they made straight GI Joes.

            2. He said “Mountie” not “Mount-y”!!!!!

  2. Guys, let’s get real. The fighter “escort” is there in case Santa goes rogue and needs to be shot down.

    1. Your mistletoe is no match for my T.O.W. missile!

      1. This is not how Xmas is supposed to be. In my days, Xmas was about bringing people together, not blowing them apart.

        1. *shrugs*

          I grew up celebrating the defeat of the Seleucid Empire by a band of plucky rebels led by a man who went by the nom de guerre, “The Hebrew Hammer“. Then we read a book about a chick who seduced an Assyrian general, got him shit-faced drunk, and then beheaded him while he was in an alcohol-induced coma.

          1. Fry: Wait a second. Maybe your futuristic Xmas isn’t so rotten after all.

            Turanga Leela: What are you talking about, you crouton? You said so yourself. Xmas should be about bringing people together, not blowing them apart.

            Fry: But don’t you see? Fear has brought us together. That’s the magic of Xmas.

            Professor Hubert Farnsworth: That’s a big crock of…

            [explosion outside]

            Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Hold me!

            1. Amy Wong: He knows when you are sleeping.

              Professor Hubert Farnsworth: He knows when you’re on the can.

              Leela: He’ll hunt you down and blast your ass / From here to Pakistan.

              Dr. Zoidberg: Oh…

              Hermes Conrad: You better not breathe / You better not move

              Bender: You’re better off dead, / I’m tellin’ you, dude.

              Fry: Santa Claus is gunning you down!

              1. Truly one of the great comedy character creations of all time.

          2. Since I was raised Protestant we did not read the Book of Judith, but wow, she puts Deborah and her tent spike to shame.

            1. Both are examples of some real gangsta shit.

            2. And the inspiration for some sweet paintings, especially the Caravaggio one.

              1. Indeed. When I think of what painting is, and should be, I think of the Baroque masters.

          3. Hmm, I was unaware of the origins of Hanukkah. So while Christmas evolved from the Jewish tradition of rebellion against Rome, Hanukkah celebrates the rebellion of Jews against Greeks?
            If I ever take over the world, remind me to post a few extra guards in Palestine…

            1. Except wait, wasn’t the Assyrian Empire like, 2000 years before the Seleucids?

    2. That was actually an episode of Dexter’s Laboratory

    3. No, the fighter escort is there in case DHS goes rogue (like they aren’t already) and try to shoot down Santa as a terrorist.

      1. You mean like this?

  3. Of all the things to take tax dollars by force for… I wish I could say this was the dumbest.

    1. Shows what I get for not reading the end of the article. Wonder if that is accurate about only corporate funding.

      1. Well, except for the salary of those servicemembers on watch.

        1. Who are on duty regardless of what day it is.

  4. Twas the night before Christmas
    And all the through the house
    Not a creature was stirring
    Except the two Reaper drones preparing to fire missiles on the suspected militant stronghold

    1. I think that’s die hard 6.

  5. As far as tax dollars spent – outrage is pretty low…. but what is the point here?

    I don’t want to get all paranoid and I think it’s unlikely whoever put this out there contemplated this fully – but even though it’s not direct propaganda, it certainly implies that Santa Claus, and therefore Christmas, require US military support to exist.

    Or, to paraphrase the words of our immortal, omnipotent, super human in charge, “Santa – you didn’t build that!”

    1. Oh? You think those godless commies or Sharia fundies would let us celebrate Christmas?

      Whose side are you on?!

    2. it certainly implies that Santa Claus, and therefore Christmas, require US military support to exist.

      You don’t think Abu Mohammad Muhammad ibn Mohammad al-Hajji al-Hindi wouldn’t behead Santa Clause Noel Baba, if given the chance?

      1. “You’re not going to shock Santa’s balls?”…..ntas-balls

        1. The real question is if Santa plans on contacting the Chinese before he enters the East China Sea’s ADIZ.

          1. Are we back to the “raunch locket” joke?

  6. The move has some children’s advocates claiming the military is trying to covertly advertise to children through the Santa program.

    When they have Santa and the elves playing beach volleyball shirtless, then you know it’s a recruitment drive.

    1. Why the fuck would the Army need to “covertly” advertise to children when they offer their own video game, free-of-charge? Not to mention the officially licensed U.S. Army solider dress-up playsets and LEGO knock-offs*?

      *Yes, they are made in China.

      1. Why does the army need to advertise at all when Call of Duty and Medal of Honor do it for them?

      2. I agree. It isn’t covert – it’s blatant advertising

        1. Maybe they’re just teaching the kids you never leave your wingman.

          “Engage, Rudolph, engage!”

      3. Those Lego knockoffs suck. Totally cheap plastic.

  7. Escalation in the War on Christmas

  8. Was that video made using the N64 engine?

    1. It works, so we know Obo wasn’t in charge.

      1. What you saw was a cut scene, not in-game footage.

  9. A great Onion headline for Dec. 26th would involve a world on the bring of WWIII after the USAF violates the airspace of every sovereign nation on the planet.

    1. I’ll bet you the Onion would’ve done that if Bush was still president. Nowadays? Nope.

  10. Maybe Santa can give me my driver’s license, something that the goddamn DMV and/or US Postal Service seems incapable of delivering to me in a timely fashion. Four weeks since I paid them $33 for the privilege of operating a motor vehicle and my current license is now 5 days expired.

    1. Don’t hold your breath, my California license took six weeks to arrive when they first rolled out the new design. But my recent renewal only took a week. I think there’s a way to check the status of it, or at least a number to call.

    2. Yeah, I’m still waiting for my registration renewal, after about a month. I usually just go to AAA, but this year I mailed the check to the DMV. Haven’t heard from them, haven’t gotten my sticker. See, govt is more efficient than the private sector because govt removes the profit motive.

  11. There’s been a mistake. Those are not fighter jets accompanying Santa. They are Amazon drones delivering the presents that Santa and his unionized elves could not deliver on time.

    Fuck you, fat man.

    1. Santa’s workshop is a union shop? Maybe he should think of relocating to South Carolina (do not tell the NLRB!).

  12. I think the claim it is subtle advertising to kids is a bit much, but I can not think of much of a worse way of saying Peace on Earth and Good Will to All Men than military fighter jets.

    1. Which is kinda why the Government, of which military fighter jets fall under one of its few legitimate roles, shouldn’t be in the saying Peace on Earth and Good Will to All Men business, no?

      1. I am not sure how to understand what you wrote. Are you saying they should not be involved in any Christmas activity, or that they should not be promoters of peace and goodwill (or some other thing I am missing)? If the first, agreed. If the second, I have to say I prefer a government that promotes peace and goodwill to all than a belligerent one.

          1. Then, agreed.

          2. So the Marines doing their Toys for Tots thing is wrong then?

            1. I dunno. Do they only give gifts to needy Christian families? (Serious inquiry, I don’t know, but I assume not.)

                1. What I think the difference is between TFT and what NORAD does, is first of all gift-giving is an inclusive activity. You can give a gift to anyone. TFT doesn’t violate the spirit of the Establishment clause in that while Christian beliefs motivate one to give a gift, gift-giving, as an act within itself is not specific to any religion or creed. On the other hand, NORAD’s monitoring for Santa is an exclusive activity. My 7-year-old daughter, for example, gets nothing out of NORAD’s Santa tracking, as she is a Buddhist who doesn’t believe in Santa. Though she told me she respects her friends who do (as she whispers in my ear that Santa isn’t real). As far as I know, NORAD doesn’t do anything similar for other faiths.

                  Secondly, if I understand the links correctly, the Marine Reserve did the legal groundwork to make TFT a non-profit public charity, albeit with close ties to the government. So, TFT, in my mind, is more like the Boy Scouts. NORAD, on the other hand, is an joint op conducted by the U.S. and Canadian air forces. As such, NORAD gets tax dollars, which is a big difference.

                  1. I completely disagree with the SecDef’s decision to make TFT an official mission.

                    I oppose anything that gets the military away from its core strengths: killing people and breaking stuff.

                    That’s what they do best, and we would do well to remember that.

                  2. As far as I know, NORAD doesn’t do anything similar for other faiths.

                    Santa isn’t a religious figure.

                    1. He’s as much as a religious figure as Hotei, another jolly fat man who carries around a sack of goodies and travels around the world and gives presents to children, and for some reason y’all think he’s what we mean when we talk about Buddha.

                    2. Santa isn’t a religious figure.

                      Saint Nicholas isn’t a religious figure?

                      … Hobbit

                    3. Saint Nicholas? Sure.

                      Santa Claus? Fat guy, red suit, flying reindeer?

                  3. “as she is a Buddhist”

                    How did that happen? You should get a DNA test.

                    1. He is a silly goose that doesn’t understand the choice either derives from personal choice and/or the traditions of your “better half.”

        1. Actually, the U.S. military should ensure peace and goodwill to Americans and let other countries fuck off with their own problems.

          1. Put that sentence on a pretty poster and I’ll buy it.

      2. Really, dude? I realize you’re a hawk but now you’re justifying pretend military escorts for Santa as a “legitimate role of Government”?

        1. I’m a hawk? What parallel Earth do you hail from? Find me a post where I seriously, and not jokingly, deviated from my consistent advocacy for a non-interventionist policy with no exceptions.

          Fuck, go back to 2008 and read of my valiant battles with John over this topic.

          1. Plus you said the exact opposite of what he said.

            1. Well, there’s that too.

      3. … fighter jets fall under one of its few legitimate roles…

        It’s totally legitimate if I put a gun to yer head to buy awesome things like fighter jets and flame throwers!

        1. I was too lazy to put SACDA.

          1. Good thing too, because I have no idea what that is.

            1. Standard Anarcho-Capitalist Disclaimer Applies.

              1. [sarc] works and it’s easier.

              2. Being a voluntaryist I am not familiar with your strange jargon.

                Carry on then.

                1. Great, now it needs to be SACVDA.

                  This is going to become the libertarian version of the LGBQTQEIEIO acronym, isn’t it?

  13. OT:
    Pepsi wants to cut the sugar and keep the taste; luddites up in arms:
    “Pepsi’s Extraordinary Plan To Fool Your Taste Buds”
    …”to produce a “taste modifier” that would essentially tell your taste buds they are receiving more sugar than they actually are.”…..031343.php

    1. Don’t you understand, Sevo? It is criminal that a drink that used to be called a “phosphate” and that you had to go to a pharmacy to formulate isn’t 100% organic, natural, and Proggie approved!

      1. I do think there could be an interesting question as to whether a misrepresentation has occurred in the case of a product which has been sold under the same formula for a good while switching out significant levels of one of its ‘material’ ingredients and replacing it with something else if the only indication of that would be the addition of another unpronounceable ingredient into the ingredient list.

        Not saying that is the case here, of course.

        1. …”a product which has been sold under the same formula for a good while switching out significant levels of one of its ‘material’ ingredients”…

          Well, the feds got nasty about the cocaine, so Coke changed it to caffeine.

          1. Has a certain ring to it! Maybe we can get the Obo administration to come up with a marketing plan for it!

            1. The Obo marketing plan: coopting college students to troll twitter/facebook, encouraging progressives to troll their families during holidays, and paying celebrities to publish videos making earnest pleas on youtube.

    2. I only spent a week in NYC for Thanksgiving but I’m already sick of the fucking “don’t drink soda or your organs will be consumed by fat” commercials that run, at taxpayer expense.

  14. Will NORAD track the Amazon drones?

  15. I find the regular military advertising disquieting enough.

      1. I couldn’t give you a proper Constitutional argument, but it doesn’t seem the role of our armed forces to advertise itself as “a global force for good” or any such thing. It’s a force for Congressional action. I think it’s above running adverts between feminine products and payday loans, but also supremely creepy given the nature of its operations.

        In other words I have a number of purely aesthetic bitches, none of which rile me up much.

          1. But advertising during daytime television? It’s a running joke that they will take whomever they can get, but I’m going to guess that, like any other semi-serious employer, they’re angling for bigger fish than bottom-shelf high school dropouts (who they largely don’t accept) to avoid investing a great deal of money in failed recruits.

            1. That’s what ROTC and the GI Bill are for. But since 2nd Looeys aren’t keen on digging ditches, the dude with nothing better to do than watch Maury tell the world who is the father fits the bill nicely.

    1. I don’t mind the advertising for recruits, but I’m real tired of the jingoism before sporting events.

      1. Meh. The paying customers get all whooped up by/for it – give the people what they want, if they have to shell out foolishly large coin to go to the game.
        Now the $ spent for flyovers and such….that does piss me off.

        1. flyovers aren’t necessarily an extra expense, especially lately. They were going to a do a 4-ship or a 2-ship already, they just change the “target” from a military range to a football stadium w/ a TOT of eleventy-hundred hours zulu.

  16. OT: So I guess the Illinois State Assembly will make their decision on what to do with the state pension. I am pretty sure that it will be a shit sandwich. Anyway, I know an acquaintance who is a teacher in one of the Western Suburbs and is crying on his FB page that, this whole deal sucks and as a teacher he should get everything his union “fought” for. I love the salty tears but here’s a post on his status that will blow your minds:

    “I definitely had no plans on going into burning buildings in my 60’s. Chris Hayes is about to do a piece on how wall street is screwing Detroit on their public employees pensions too on msnbc. I’m sure they will eventually throw us into a 401k so it’s even easier for bankers to steal our money before they crash the market again in 2016. Unbelievable.”

    The derp burns my eyes.

    1. “Chris Hayes is about to do a piece on how wall street is screwing Detroit on their public employees pensions too on msnbc.”

      Same crap here (…..029623.php ):
      It’s the banks! With no acceptance that the city only HAD to borrow because of the inflated benes.
      And imagine the screams if “wall street” had refused to loan money to Detroit et al.

      1. I wanted to respond to his comment but a person this far gone is not even worth reaching to.

      2. “The bank is trying to kill me, but I will kill it!”

    2. If he knows when they’re going to crash the market, he should be able to make a fortune and never have to worry about it again.

      Obviously, with Detroit, the solution is to collect taxes (raise em, too!), and cut services. Bring the money in, pay it out to pensioners. If there is any left over, it goes to current workers. They don’t get to do anything because that would cost money. Maybe just go sit in one building all day. No functions except taxes and pension/payroll. Shut off the (working) street lights.

      1. Chicago is almost in that position too. Rahm wanted to do some half assed reform to the pension system and the unions went apeshit.

      2. If he knows when they’re going to crash the market, he should be able to make a fortune and never have to worry about it again.

        If he could think like that, do you think he would be a public school teacher?

        1. Wave of the future.

          1. From among public school teachers? Who enters that field other than the least educable/starriest-eyed college students?

            Also, I knew I recognized your handle. Funny stuff.

            1. Who enters that field other than the least educable/starriest-eyed college students?

              And amongst the developed world, that’s purely an American phenomenon.

              1. Do other countries shield their teachers from competition or performance evaluations the way we do?

        2. ^^^^

    3. It’s bad form, especially since I’ve family who have worked their entire lives in the public sphere (my mother included), but I have only as much sympathy for public-sector employess kvetching about their failing benefits as they’ve paid in themselves, plus a sensible market yield. Any pension matching schemes perpetuated by the state as a cover for increasing benefits today by paying for them via tomorrow’s tax receipts should be invalidated. Same with Cadillac health plans and any other perk that isn’t paid for by future recipients.

  17. In Illinois, the Democrats have control over both legislative chambers but yet this is all somehow blamed on the evil capitalists and the Republicans. I kid you not. A lot of the union leaders endorsed the very same politicians who have now gotten them into this mess. Also, everyone with half a brain knows that Illinois is filled with corrupt politicians but the union leaders didn’t give a shit until the politicians also dipped into their retirement funds. Eveyrone saw this writing on the wall but whenever someone wanted to reform the pension system, the unions waged a war against them. So now we have a pension system that is unfunded.

    Fuck the public sector unions.

    1. EdWuncler|12.3.13 @ 9:42PM|#
      “In XXXXXX, (California) the Democrats have control over both legislative chambers but yet this is all somehow blamed on the evil capitalists and the Republicans. I kid you not.”

      We are not alone!

    2. What else has California’s crop of public-sector cronies done for the last several years but bitch about the increasingly few Republicans holding the line against the onslaught of Democratic busybodies?

      1. Public Sector unions existence is an abomination. What you basically get is a extortion-money laundering racket. The public sector unions negotiate with the government/politicians but at the same time will use campaign money as a way to elect those who are sympathetic to their cause. So thus those politicians will give them whatever they want. On top of that since the unions work in government they have the upper hand because of the monopoly of services. In return if some politician do have some balls and say fuck off to the unions, they can shut everything down until they get what they want. That’s basically extortion.

        1. Political machines have many gears.

        2. I think it’s pretty widely recognized that their “negotiations” are the equivalent of dinner-table footjobs.

      2. Dweebston|12.3.13 @ 10:06PM|#
        “What else has California’s crop of public-sector cronies done for the last several years”…

        Pitch Moonbeam’s choo-choo.
        There are few obvious new areas to increase SEIU membership (and Dem voters), so that’s been getting the push.
        Amazingly, there seems to be something of a limit and the judge told ’em they breaking the law and they must, well, keep on working on it, but more slowly.
        Who do you think signs the judge’s paycheck?

  18. In the X-ringmass spirit I am going to take a bold stand and say the Skorpion VZ61 is the most atheistically pleasing sub-gun and makes the list of prettiest mass-produced guns ever.

    I also like it’s small size and concealability and so don’t mind it’s tiny cartridge.

    1. The Scorpion submachine gun is an interesting little weapon which is somewhat hard to classify – is it a machine pistol (a full-automatic weapon for single-hand fire) or a submachine gun (also an automatic weapon, but for shoulder fire)

      Why not just call it a PDW and be done with it?

      1. Because that phrase hadn’t been invented in 1961! Duh.

        But it totally is.

    2. Random question:

      How difficult would it be for someone to turn the semiautomatic version of this:

      Into a fully-auto selective fire weapon?*

      *not that I would ever do, or advocate that anyone else do this. I don’t even own a gun, I swear.

      1. I don’t know. But I do know making self-loading weapons stop at just firing one round is harder than making one that fires automatically.

      2. You can “break” just about any semi-auto in such a way as to turn it effectively full auto fairly easily, but generally it’s not controllable; you get run away firing that is hard to stop and jams.

        Doing it so it’s reliable and functions correctly, on the other hand, is a bit more difficult. Especially from a closed bolt like that one (open bolts are VERY easy, which is why the ATF effectively banned/severely restricted them).

    3. It’s ?korpion(Pronounced shkorpiawn)!

      1. I’d better Czech myself then.

        1. I hope to see some Pragueress.

          …I’m sorry that was truly awful.

          1. Brno problem.

              1. That place is a total Havel.

              2. This is the Ba?? game.

      2. We need Czech diacritics for everything Sean Connery says…

        1. The name’? Bond. Jame? Bond.

          1. “Give me a ping, Va?ili. One ping only…”

            1. “The ?en?ation you are feeling i? the quickening.”

              1. “Lo?ers alway? whine about their be?t. Winner? go home and fuck the prom queen.”

                  1. And put some Czech diacritics in there.

        2. How about a language with only diacritics. No letters just the little symbol things.


        3. “I have to a?k you about the Peni? mightier”


    4. Apropos of absolutely nothing, I was thinking earlier today how much I’d love to see a remake of Rainbow Six. Just updating the engine to run on modern hardware, but retaining the bulk of the game’s audio assets and whatnot. The modern Clancy games are character-driven shitheap departures from the ops-style tactical shooter, and I very much liked Rainbow Six, Rogue Spear, even Ghost Recon.

      1. I’d love to see a remake of Politika.

        1. Possibly the shortest wiki stub I’ve ever seen. *googles*

      2. I’ve only ever played Rogue Spear, but it was a great game.

      3. And after half a minute of lazy googling I discover a potential heir to the series developed by some of the original Red Storm crew. Between this and Homeworld HD, I may end up having to finally upgrade my sad rig.

        1. upgrade my sad rig.

          Nobody cares that you want to bedazzle your codpiece.

          1. Pfft, I keep my codpiece a matte-black enigma. Not that, you know, all stereotypes are true, but it can’t hurt.

  19. Anyone want to buy this for me (3X)? I promise I’ll wear it in public.…..1385360819

      1. Something something privilege.

  20. Why on Earth would we provide escorts to Santa? Given his industrial capacity and the high-speed capacity of his sled, I doubt seriously that he’s vulnerable to attack.

    1. It’s all security theater.

    2. Nobody needs more than five reindeer.

    3. Same reason we still have troops in SK and Japan – old treaty commitments that we are loathe to end because it means a smaller military and decreased defense spending.

      1. The Sankt Nikolaus regime is critical to American interests in the region.

    4. Why on Earth would we provide escorts to Santa?

      Because Mrs. Claus has stopped putting out?

      1. Winner.

        1. USAF can’t hang with Big Red 1 unless Fat Man reins in then deer. When he wants company that can keep up, he calls in the big guns.

          Kevin R

          1. USAF?

            Those were Navy F-18s. AF pilots would have been in position.

            1. How, between the lattes and manicures that doesn’t leave much time for flying.

              1. I didn’t bother to look at the animation. Whichever service branch, USGOV doesn’t have equipment that can pace the Jolly One if he doesn’t poke along to humor them.

                Kevin R

  21. Fruits with large seeds, like the avocado, co-evolved with megafauna like the giant sloth. Rescued by human cultivation after we wiped out the megafauna.

    Why did it never occur to me to wonder before why avocados have such huge fucking seeds?

    1. Bonus points, spot the leftie propaganda.

      1. “Homeless people, deforestation, and hipster glasses.”

        I’ll take my prize now.

    2. Can’t we engineer fruit that are 100% delicious avocado flesh with no obnoxious avocado seeds that my roommate insists on keeping around in pathetic half-filled glasses of water in case they sprout?

      1. Those things smell wonderful.

      2. How old is your roommate? you can just soak it in water until it starts to split and plant it (I successfully started a plant 16 years ago).

        1. soak it in water until it starts to split

          that works for so many things!

  22. Archer Season 5 teaser poster released (and funny ISIS training video)

    Zone. Danger. Welcome.

    1. I take it back. WINNER.

    2. Wait, I had something for this.

  23. December 31, 2012: Newsweek cancels print edition

    December 3, 2013: THEY’RE BAAAAAAAACK!

    December 10, 2014 (Predicted): Newsweek cancels print edition.

    My favorite is this part:

    “It’s going to be a more subscription-based model, closer to what The Economist is compared to what Time magazine is,” Mr. Impoco said. “We see it as a premium product, a boutique product.”

    Do you want to know why that model works for the Economist? Because the Economist is 170 years old, has massive amounts of history, and is already known as a high end boutique product.

    You’re Newsweek.

    Do you see the difference?

    1. What’s in a name, besides an imminently marketable brand a bunch of gullible investors can’t help but try to revive.

    2. Well, Friedman and Samuelson did write columns for Newsweek, so…

      How long ago was that, again?

      1. Maybe they can lure Matty over.

    3. And I don’t know anyone who reads the Economist anymore, since they dumbed down and took a left turn a few years back. If I’m stuck in an airport and the iPad battery is low, I might pick up a copy. Perhaps they’ve increased their US audience with their pandering, I dunno.

      1. I’ll throw down a copy on the table when I’m dining at Flying Star, but I give up after flipping to the first ostentatiously concern-trolling article and spend the rest of the meal spattering it with tuna salad.

        1. They’ve got TopMenitis pretty bad.

          Every issue has a bit on how this or that corrupt third-world goon needs to do something or other or the country he is leading impoverishing, will get worse.

          1. The decline of The Economist, it’s a tragedy.

  24. Santa would have to travel many times the speed of light. Somehow I doubt anything in the Pentagon’s inventory is up to the job.

    1. One blogger calculated that to get around L.A. as he did, Jack Bauer from 24 would have to travel an average of 625 MPH.

      So add a jet engine…

  25. I know I’ve missed the am/pm links lately, but did you guys laugh about the”Peggy has a sad because she voted for an idiot” article yet?

    Good times.

  26. “I think people are quite aware of the military’s true mission,” said Amy Hagopian, a professor of public health at the University of Washington, who has written extensively about military recruiting of youngsters. “If the military wants to keep its ranks stocked, it needs to appeal to children. The military knows it can’t appeal to adults to volunteer. It is like the ad industry.”

    I commented on this earlier in the P.M. links, where Serious Man linked to this same story:

    Typical leftist dipshit simply dismisses the existence of that which they can’t understand. And yet the average age of enlistment for Army recruits was over 20 every year from 2001 to 2012. In FY11 and FY12, every service exceeded its retention rate goals?i.e. adults volunteering for an additional term of service?except the USAF in one cohort which achieved 95.5% of its goal.

  27. My last pay check was $9500 working 12 hours a week online. My sisters friend has been averaging 15k for months now and she works about 20 hours a week. I can’t believe how easy it was once I tried it out. This is what I do,…WWW.JUMP85.COM

  28. Reading this thread, as well as reading the original story and the brain-dead outrage over non-existent fighter jets escorting a mythical person has brought me to the conclusion that most of the world is truly and completely bat-s**t crazy.

  29. And to make matters even worse, this quote from the aricle: “Some worry that American youth are already sufficiently indoctrinated by the military ? and wonder why the Department of Defense would deem it necessary to target little kids who still believe in Santa Claus.”

    And some believe that Elvis is alive and living on Mars. Statements like this give psychology a bad name, and journalism a worse name.

  30. Several problems.

    Santa isn’t American. Why would the USAF provide cover?

    How could the USAF provide cover? Santa travels at speeds in excess of light. He is only visible on takeoff and landing.

    Cover from what exactly? What is there, on this planet, that is more powerful than this seemingly immortal man who plays with time and space as if they were his personal playthings?

    Lastly, the NORAD animations are just that–animations. They provide no video and only the vaguest location.

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