Brickbat: Hold My Beer


John Coulter wanted to snap a photo during the Dallas Cowboys-Arizona Cardinals preseason game he was attending at the University of Phoenix stadium. So he asked his 15-year-old son to hold his beer cup. Moments later, plainclothes agents from the Arizona Department of Liquor Licenses and Control tossed the two out of the stadium. A spokesman for the department was unapologetic, saying that giving alcohol to a minor or being a minor in possession of alcohol are misdemeanors carrying up to two years in prison, a $2,500 fine and three years probation.


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  1. The dude got to leave a meaningless game early, and the liquor cops got to pretend they’re real crime fighters. Everyone wins.

    1. Except for the bratty little kid.

      1. He may have been able to drain the beer while the “adults” were arguing. Win-win-win.

  2. “plainclothes agents from the Arizona Department of Liquor Licenses and Control”


    1. You just want the chilrenz to drink beer and die.

  3. What? They didn’t notify CPS?

    1. And have another agency horn in on their case? I think not.

  4. How about if I drink your beer for you?

  5. Dad: Hey, son, can you go get me another beer?
    10 year old son: Sure thing, Pop!
    *SWAT team busts in, shoots the dog, savagely beats the Dad, and traumatizes the boy by pointing an MP5 in his face while screaming*
    *Kid drops the can of beer and pisses himself. Dad hauled off to jail, and kid put in the care of pedophile foster parents*

    Another American family saved from the scourge of freedom and alcohol!

  6. At least he could bring his kid to the stadium.

    It is almost hunting season again and once again it is a pain the ass to bring my kids to North Dakota because they cannot go into a bar at all.

    Most of the small towns we hunt in, the only place with food is a bar and grill and nope, no kids allowed.

    They tried to change it a couple of years ago, but it was shot down in the ND Senate.

    1. But the internet says North Dakota is the one of the freest states in the country so it is shocking, shocking I say, that they would have archaic blue laws that can’t get overturned.

    2. Sounds like an opportunity, open a family restaurant and cater to the hunters with little kiddies.

      1. Hunting season is only 3 months long. There really aren’t all that many hunters anyhow and there really, really aren’t many kids hunting.

        I don’t think you are gonna get anyone to give you a loan to open family friendly restaurant

        1. Loan? I thought you libertarians were all rich folk.

        2. The culture in that part of the country is very pub-intensive. There are a lot of beer joints that are the only business for miles in every direction. People will even stop in for a beer and a bump on the way home from the grocery store, so you’ll often find a pub next door to the local grocery.

          All of which makes it surprising that the youth laws are as they are in ND, but it also underscores why opening an alternative restaurant to the pub life is a probable looser.

    3. Huhh, I’m pretty sure in Texas you can bring your kid into a bar, and buy him/her a beer.

      This might be one of those theoretical legalities, like open carry. I haven’t tried it.

  7. he asked his 15-year-old son to hold his beer cup.

    Emphasis added. If the Arizona Department of Liquor Licenses and Control can’t prove that cup was not empty, they should have no case. Are they really going to bust people for picking up litter that once held beer?

    1. Have drug-sniffing dogs smell the cup for beer residue.

      1. “I just needs to sniff inside your asshole, uh, cup.”

    2. It’s not even that. The quote in the article cited a law prohibiting their possession of the drink. Merely holding onto someone’s cup for them is not possession. The other person still has it at his disposal, not the person holding it.

  8. Couldn’t he just have his wife hold his beer? What are wives for, lol

    1. TIWTANLW!

  9. Imagine being a sophomore in high school, heading to McDonalds after school and ordering a beer for yourself, or:

    If a 14-year old chooses to do so and has the approval of his/her parents, he or she can order a cold beer right along with a Happy Meal.

    When traveling to Switzerland, keep calm, and do not be alarmed

    if you see a group of teenagers drinking a six-pack on public property; this is by no means out of the ordinary and should not be interpreted as threatening

    1. Hell in many States it would have been perfectly legal for the kid to drink the beer with his Dad right next to him.

      1. Only in private, for states that provide that exception. But possession in public like this case, is illegal everywhere under the National Minimum Drinking Age Act.

        1. Yo mean that act where the federal government blackmailed the states with a threat to withhold money?

          There’s a good lesson for teh chilrenz.

        2. Not here in Texas, as long as the establishment is cool with it. This wasn’t in public either it was at a private venue.

          1. Yeah several states allow private establishments to serve those under 21, although I think the Federal Act has restrictions on advertising that fact, but I don’t know of businesses that do.

            However this was a public venue. Per wikipedia, the stadium does not belong to the University of Phoenix, they simply bought the naming rights. It used to be the Cardinals stadium and is owned by the Arizona Sports and Tourism Authority

    2. Minors view alcohol as something common and do not usually drink just to fit in with the “cool” crowd.

      The restricted access to alcohol in the U.S. was meant to prevent minors from drinking until they reach a more responsible age. However, it had an opposite effect, and minors find alternative ways to get to alcohol. The risk of getting caught doesn’t intimidate teens much. Even though the alcohol-related laws were meant to restrict consumption, it seems like they backfired, encouraging binge drinking and an increased peer pressure to drink just to be more popular.

      Who could have foreseen a government plan to control people backfiring?

      Can I sue the feds for my alcoholism?

      1. There was a study I recall a few years back cited by one group advocating lowering the drinking age that showed how in other countries where it was part of tradition for teens to have a glass of wine with their meals had much lower rates of binge drinking and alcoholism later on.

  10. A spokesman for the department was unapologetic, saying that giving alcohol to a minor or being a minor in possession of alcohol are misdemeanors carrying up to two years in prison, a $2,500 fine and three years probation.

    Apparaently, I was more of a badass lawbreaker when I was 15 than I remembered.

    1. And apparently the squirrels are still here.

  11. The land of the free and the home of the brave.

    1. The pussification of `murica is complete.

  12. Officials say Coulter is lucky he was able to walk away from the situation.

    Usually they shoot first and hand out trespassing citations later.

  13. The sarge on the video is a massive broken penis crawling with crabs. In spite of this I place the blame squarely on law makers who kowtow to the law enforcement lobby, Christian mothers, and perpetually-ass-clenched do-gooders.

  14. They misspelled “St. Louis” on that beer mug.

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