A.M. Links: Holder To Announce Change in "Mandatory Minimum" Policy for Non-Violent Drug Offenders, Obama Asks Veterans To Defend Obamacare, New iPhone To Be Released Next Month


Credit: United States Department of Justice/wikimedia
  • Attorney General Eric Holder is expected to announce today that federal prosecutors will no longer seek "mandatory minimums" for many non-violent drug offenders.
  • Obama has asked veterans to defend Obamacare.
  • Apple is expected to release the new iPhone next month.
  • Pakistan has accused India of firing shells across the Kashmir border.
  • NBC and Fox are in talks relating to the production of a miniseries about Hillary Clinton's life.

Have a news tip for us? Send it to: 24_7@reason.com.

Get Reason.com and Reason 24/7 content widgets for your websites.

Follow us on Facebook and Twitter, and don't forget to sign up for Reason's daily updates for more content.

NEXT: Mega Upload to Develop Secure E-Mail Service

Editor's Note: We invite comments and request that they be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of Reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason at any time. Report abuses.

  1. Attorney General Eric Holder is expected to announce today that federal prosecutors will no longer seek “mandatory minimums” for many non-violent drug offenders.

    But this time Lucy will surely hold the football steady. Right, reason?

    1. DON’T TALK SHIT ABOUT LU…oh right, the other Lucy.

  2. NBC and Fox are in talks relating to the production of a miniseries about Hillary Clinton’s life.

    Making sure they have both extremes covered when they react to it.

    1. Fox Entertainment is different from Fox News Division. With any luck, it will be a Married… With Children kind of thing.

      1. I’d love to see Bill as the lovable, but down on his luck schlub trying to get away from his vegan diet and overbearing wife to eat a steak and look at a Rubenesque pair of tits, but always bumbling his chance away.

      2. “Bill, whose panties are in the bushes outside the White House?”

        “I want you to listen, honey…[wags finger] The panties are mine, I just hung them on the bushes to dry.”

        “How did you get them wet in the first place.”

        “Why, the answer is simplicity itself. I was…out in the rain.”

        “But it hasn’t rained here for two weeks.”

        “Now, honey, there is a simple and obvious explanation.”

        “I’m waiting…”

        “Give me time to…collect my thoughts. Oh, yes, maybe I put it in the washer and it’s a delicate fabric which would be messed up in the drier, so I dried it out in the bushes.”

        “And whose bra is it in the bushes? Yours?”

        “Oh, that must be some of my old fraternity brothers – we always liked to play jokes on each other with things like placing bras in bushes, or leaving copies of the Kama Sutra out on the lawn…”


        “I mean, hypothetically speaking, if that’s what they did. I don’t know, but those fun-loving guys are just the people to do something like that.”

    2. I cant wait to see the scene of her dodging bullets at the Sarajevo airport.

      1. I’m actually hoping to get some tips on commodity trading.

        1. The trick is to get inside info from the cows at NOW.

        2. I want to see some Walmart Board meetings.

          1. I wanna see the rockstar reception she gets as a 68 year old grandma running for president.

      2. With Matrix-style leaping and dodging.

      3. Whoever plays her will have to be good with accents.

    3. NBC version: Hillary eads the commando team raiding bin Laden’s compound.

      FOX version: Hillary strangles Vince Foster with her bare hands.

      Either way — Awesome!

      1. Why can’t it be both, and Eduard’s scene of Bill and Hillary above with a topless Hillary playing with her titties drooping over her belly. Wait, she wasn’t fat in the White House years. Kind of good looking in the first year, actually.

        1. I’ll pretend I didn’t read that. For my own sanity.

    4. Everyone loves a good crime drama.

  3. Pole Dancers Buff Image With Rules and a Dress Code
    Group Tries to Shed Burlesque Roots to Become an Olympic-Worthy Sport

    The meet’s organizers want to reform pole dancing into a sport respectable enough to go to the Olympics.

    So they’ve written a rule book that gives code names to compulsory moves, specifies scoring methodology and bans pole-dancing staples such as removable articles of clothing. And they’d like people to call their event “pole sports” now.

    yeah, it’s a sport…

    1. Your wife is she, eh… is she a sport.

    2. If curling can move past its unsavory origins, so can pole dancing.

      1. What unsavory origin?

        Prodigious drinking of beer? They havent moved past that.

        1. The Canadians have tried to keep it a secret, but many of us have discovered the “sport” originally involved sliding orphans down ice chutes while beating them with brooms. A typically Canadian form of barbarism.

          1. “Hurry, hurry, HARD!” The cruel shouts of the vicious middle-aged Canadian ladies echoed in the frigid northern air. They didn’t know if it was the brooms, the frozen tearstains of the orphans, or the Nanaimo bar bakesale they were going to have later, but something about this sport felt so right.

          2. Why is this not the official sport of the Libertarian Party then?

            As soon as a Libertarian becomes president we’ll play it on the White House front lawn!

            1. As soon as a Libertarian becomes president we’ll play it on the White House front lawn!

              Not the next Ice Age, but the one after.

    3. Dress code for pole dancers? I thought the point was that they undress.

      1. Bingo.

      2. What, you weren’t impressed by the gravity-defying athleticism and flexibility?

    4. “bans pole-dancing staples such as removable articles of clothing”

      I think these folks are unclear on the concept.

    5. There are a growing number of pole-dancing classes; they are advertised as “fitness.”

    6. Well, they have rhythmic gymnastics and ice dancing already. Why not?

    7. The original Olympics were largely conducted in the nude, so this is a non-traditional nuance.

    8. If the Olympics can replace baseball with ballroom dancing, anything is a sport.

    9. G-d I loves me some Spatchcock!

    10. I witnessed one who climbed the pole upside down and did a split on the mirrored ceiling as Tool played. She was kind of a local legend. Had this conversation many times, ‘You’ve been to Southside Johnnies? Did you ever see . . .’

    11. Okay, if this gets in, I take back everything bad I’ve ever said about the Olympics.

  4. Obama has asked veterans to defend Obamacare.

    Oath Keepers, to the rescue! Yeah, VA users will surely flock to defend Obamacare.

    1. Mr President,

      No, fuck you, cut spending.


      A veteran

      1. This administration (and most progressives) think that the VA healthcare is something to be emulated. Nothing like having a receptionist tell you to “fuck off” and a 40 year old janitor tell you “get the hell off my floor” to give you that warm-n-fuzzy feeling about the medical treatment you’re about to receive.

        1. Not to mention conditions that would close any private hospital before inspectors ever walked through the door.

        2. Yeah I’m much more worried about a system that literally lost my father for nearly 2 weeks and damn near killed him in the process

          1. My mom recently re-married her old highshcool sweetheart who is in the care of the VA in Nashville. He served in the Navy back during Nam on a carrier or something. It turns out that where he bunked shared a wall with a reactor room, since he was an engineer or something. He’s been fighting them for compensation his entire life but can’t sue. Since no private insurer in their right mind would take him on, the VA was his only option for treatment. They confined him to the hospital (he has to seek permission to actually leave the facility when my mom comes to visit). They also apparently have been keeping him on a strict diet to lose weight or they won’t release him. I feel sorry for the guy because it’s pretty obvious he doesn’t have much time left and the only happiness he has is 2 annual visits from my mom (in Texas) since they won’t let him transfer to the hospital here in Dallas. They seem pretty hellbent on ensuring that he’ll die miserable and in their “care”.

            1. *Years after his service he started developing thyroid problems and developing signs of some type of cancer.

    2. Well, Veterans do know how to break and destroy – why not cheer as Obama destroys the American insurance and medical industries?

    3. “Obama has asked veterans to defend Obamacare.”

      Disabled Vet
      Please Support
      Anything Helps

      /well-worn cardboard sign

  5. NT Police have warned people they could be fined $150 for texting on their mobile phones – while walking.

    Under a Facebook post titled “Texting pedestrians – a match not made in heaven”, NT Police said people who “engage with their gadgets” while walking might run into poles, other people or trip over the footpath.

    “NT Police can even charge people for ‘Walk without due care’ in certain situations,” the post said.


    1. “Police said people who “engage with their gadgets” while walking might run into poles”

      and you know how short-tempered those poles are, am I right?

    2. Really? When I lived there, they had more to worry about than texting.

  6. Chest Stop? Florida woman begs on street for bigger boobs
    Christina Andrews went to a busy Pensacola intersection with a sign that read: ‘Not homeless, need boobs.’ She said passing motorists were more generous than she expected.

    1. It’s a sound investment with an obvious return, not a perpetual handout. Of course they were more generous.

      1. It’s a sound investment

        So, they will own shares in her boobs?

        1. Timeshare tits?

          1. These are my Florida tits. During the summer, it’s back to my Kansas udders.

  7. Apple is expected to release the new iPhone next month.

    No doubt the prototype iPhone is sitting on the bartop of some pub waiting for Gizmodo to find.

  8. You are Trayvon

    Again portraying this is a white-on-black crime. They really are clueless.

    1. I couldn’t get past all the disconnects from reality in the first paragraph alone.

      1. The derp is strong with the writer of that editorial.

    2. Ms. Gloria J Browne-Marshal is officially the 1 millionth person to erroneously compare the Zimmerman trial to the Dunn parking lot murder case. Wonder what the prize for that is?

      1. the Herp-A-Derp Journalism Award?

      2. A Pulitzer.

      3. Gloria J. Browne- Marshall, an Associate Professor of Constitutional Law


        1. Behold, the fruits of affac quotas!

          And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I am not a law professor. It quickly became apparent to me in the early ’90s that law schools were hell-bent on quota-filling, and my abled white maleness was simply not welcome, despite my boyish good looks and raffish charm.

    3. “Irrational fears from aliens to zombies could support a murder acquittal.”

      That line was sort of the barometer of the piece for me.

    4. Why is it always the bi/multi-racial ones pumping out the hardcore propaganda?

    5. You are Trayvon

      You are in a forest and see a door. What should you do?

      1. Is it… The Scary Door?

    6. George Zimmerman’s fear of Trayvon Martin led to murder and his acquittal.

      His fear led to his acquittal?

    7. The issue is beyond race and Florida’s ‘Stand Your Ground’ law. George Zimmerman’s fear of Trayvon Martin led to murder.

      Right there is where I stopped reading.

  9. Our favorite male feminist has an epic Twitter meltdown. Sends something like 100 tweets detailing how he scammed his way into the feminism industry.

    1. What in the goddamn fuck?

      So yes, I sexted with a hooker. Yes, I wanted to have my students watch me screw James Deen.

      1. The dead actor?

        1. the sensitive male porn star. Although Hugo would probably do a dead guy too

          1. He (SFW clothed headshot) was a guest on Kevin & Bean (KROQ) this morning while I was driving to work because he’s got a mainstream movie with Lindsay Lohan coming out. He sounded really affable.

            1. On Drudge they had a bit on that movie today. Named Canyons. It closed, with a box office of $30,100. Based on a Bret Easton Ellis concept or something. Really bad, here is the Daily Fail link (in true H&R fashion): http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs…..ffice.html

        2. The Canyons reviews were that bad, huh?

      2. He’s playing the addict/mentally ill role to the hilt. Look at me, I’m craaazy! I almost didn’t link it, but fuck it. This way we can post it in the comments on Jezebel two years from now when he gets his column as a re-reformed womanizer turned feminist.

        1. Yeah, I was watching that live on Friday after somebody alerted me. I was howling.

          Best part? He played the entire feminist community like a PUA to get laid.

          I’ll say it again: schadenfreude is the best kind of freude.

          1. Well, he claims that now. I still think he’s just playing a villain role now for attention. Plus it will make his “conversion” more effective when he gets clean and goes out to make his amends.

            In truth, he probably didn’t have that much of a plan. He just couldn’t help but take advantage of the situations where he found a lever to get laid, because he’s a piece of shit.

            Hopefully, some women in the feminist community will understand the difference between speech and action and learn that one has a lower predictive value than another.

            1. Oh, I don’t think there was ever a plan. He just capitalized on opportunities as he found them. The majority of the feminist community, since there were a few that had good bs detectors, bought off on what he was saying because it’s what they wanted to hear and it was being said by a man. It got him the attention, validation, and pussy he wasn’t going to get otherwise.

              So, despite all that feminist theroy they steep themselves in, they’re still vulnerable to a smooth-talking bullshit artist who just wants to get laid. All that critical theory isn’t much good in the real world, is it?

    2. The left is rife with such people.

    3. I read one book of Kimmel’s and made myself an expert on men and masculinity.?
      Hugo Schwyzer (@hugoschwyzer) August 09, 2013

      To be fair, I though Adam Corolla was the better expert on men and masculinity.

    4. Ah! Found one before they deleted it!

      MrMisterUAnna Breslaw141L
      So when is Jez gonna cover this whole Hugo Schwyzer meltdown? Where he admits that everything he said was a load of shit? Saturday 12:42pm

      Probably slipped under the radar because it’s a kitten post.

  10. Warning: Limey Speak

    Police won’t hand stolen caravan back to couple to protect human rights of the travellers living in it

    A couple whose ?30,000 caravan was stolen have been told a traveller family now living in it cannot be removed because it would breach their human rights.

    Kathleen McClelland and her partner Michael Curry spent their life savings on the top-of-the-range camper and were devastated when it vanished from the secure site where they kept it.

    When police eventually found the 26ft-long Bailey Louisiana caravan 18 months later, its owners were told a traveller couple and their two young children were living in it only ten miles from their home in Surrey.

    1. Used to be they’d hang you for theft of 5 pounds. Now they won’t even throw you out and return the stolen property.

      1. I’m just grateful they’re not sending them to Botany Bay anymore

        1. Heh, heh, heh

        2. I’m just grateful they’re not sending them to Botany Bay anymore

          Why do you hate people trying to get their smoke on?

        3. Yeah, but we’re going to pay for sending them to Ceti Alpha V later.

      1. You like dags?

        1. Finally. You’ve restored my faith in internet commentation.

          1. I couldn’t believe how far I had to scroll down for a reference.

    2. Are you fucking kidding me? We’re going to let that 3rd world country have nukes?

    3. Thanks for the trigger warning.

      I wonder if they’d get in trouble if they just took it back. They have proof of ownership. What a fucked up country.

    4. So, wait a minute. Confiscating stolen property and returning it to the owners constitutes a violation of human rights? Whose?

      1. it’s nowt to do with human rights but legal rights – the occupier asserts he is a purchaser in good faith for value, and the cops can’t show otherwise.

        Last September police located and identified the caravan in Hook, Hampshire, after interviewing a suspect for an unrelated offence. But because officers did not have evidence that the current occupier knew the caravan was stolen when he allegedly purchased it, he could not be prosecuted and the force said it was unable to seize it.

        1. But because officers did not have evidence that the current occupier knew the caravan was stolen when he allegedly purchased it,

          WTF? The law used to be that a thief did not acquire title, and thus could not transfer title. As between an owner and an innocent purchaser of stolen property, the owner wins, and the innocent purchaser is the one who needs to seek recourse against the thief. Which makes sense, as the owner generally doesn’t even know who stole their stuff, but the purchaser certainly knows who they bought it from.

    5. Who needs a ?30,000 caravan?

    6. Isn’t that what insurance is for?

      Stupid Limeys. I watched half of this Top Gear episode before realizing that a “caravan” was the thing they were towing, not the SUV’s themselves.


      1. You watched the wrong half. If it’s the episode I think it is, it gets surreal and then wonderful at the end.

        1. Probably – It started terrible and finished awesome. They destroyed at least 4 of those shitty British campers in the process.

    7. It’s for me, ma!

  11. Vets seeing more vegan pets

    Filmmaker, spiritual teacher and author of Secret Animal Business Billie Dean feeds the product to her 14 cats and seven dogs on her property in the NSW Southern Tablelands.

    “Sandy’s done her research; I feed Veganpet to my cats like a vitamin pill.”

    Ms Dean believed commercial pet food was the source of a range of animal illnesses and domestic animals were becoming “intolerant” to meat products.

    “I do animal telepathy and I actually tune in and I’ve had cats say to me ‘I’m addicted to this stuff and it’s bad for me and I feel sick’,” she said.

    more (behind a paywall)

    1. But what they don’t know is when they let their cat out of the house at night, the cat goes and kills little mice and eats them.

      It is good to give your pet a proper diet, and not buy them the cheap Ole Roy shit. But, for fuck sake, they are not meant to be vegans!

    2. Cats and dogs are fucking carnivores.

      I wonder what Ms Dean does when her precious kitty kills a mouse.

      1. She probably holds a sit in at Fishy Joe’s .

      2. Especially cats. Dogs are more omnivorous, but cats are pretty much pure carnivore.

        1. This. I read once that all of a cat’s nutritional requirements were available in mice.

    3. More proof Veganism is a mental illness. Fuck you, you stupid cruel fucking bitch. You cat doesn’t give a shit about your moral views. It is a fucking cat.

      1. read it again John. Her cat does give a shit about her moral views. She knows it telepathically

        1. Yeah. I am sure my cats over the years have been racked with guilt over the various birds and mice they have killed. My cat right now just exudes of guilt.

          1. My cat right now just exudes of guilt.

            Sleeping 20 hours a day IS a sign of depression. In humans.

            1. That, “fuck you I am a superior being” look that every cat has is really just a mask for their incredible guilt over their hunting addiction.

    4. I thought vegans didn’t keep pets. Maybe I’m thinking of PETA.

      1. No, no, no, it’s only other people who can’t have pets. Being a vegan she’s clearly demonstrated her moral superiority and is thus qualified to have a pet, it’s all those unwashed others who can’t have them.

        It’s kind of like how Obama can do drugs but you get to go to jail for it. Or Tim Geithner wants you to pay higher taxes, but he doesn’t need to pay them himself. That kind of thing. Silly libertarians.

      2. Right. PETA just euthanizes them.

        1. Yeah, better to die than to live a life with no danger, lots of free food and a loving owner.

    5. A cat can be fed a vegan diet with the right supplements, etc. It sounds like this lady is doing all that, so she’s not actually harming the cat, but I bet that cat doesn’t get very excited about mealtimes.

      1. Ms Dean believed commercial pet food was the source of a range of animal illnesses and domestic animals were becoming “intolerant” to meat products.

        Are you sure you want to bet on this woman being sane enough to add a taurine supplement?

    6. “I do animal telepathy and I actually tune in and I’ve had cats say to me ‘I’m addicted to this stuff and it’s bad for me and I feel sick’,”

      1. Thanks for that, I enjoy such stories.

  12. Bear invades Ketchum kitchen

    He realized that it was a bear, on its hind legs with its paws on the stove, licking a cast iron pan that had been used to cook Chinese stir-fry that evening. The bear stood up and looked at him.
    “That was the most shocked I’ve ever been,” he said. “I was surprised that he was even there with the dog barking.”
    Edwards said his first thought was to get his wife away from the kitchen area. However, he said, “I couldn’t tell her there was a bear in the house because she would have just lost her mind. She gets very upset over spiders.”

    1. “I couldn’t tell her there was a bear in the house because she would have just lost her mind. She gets very upset over spiders.”

      “B-b-b-b-b-iiig bear!”
      “Oh, yes, honey, you are my big bear.”

  13. Today, Elon Musk’s new plan to replace high-speed rail as the public transportation vaporware of choice will be unveiled.

    Musk has been dropping hints about his “Hyperloop” system for more than a year during public events, mentioning that it could never crash, would be immune to weather and would move people from Los Angeles to San Francisco in half an hour.

    1. “It’s a system of wormholes – we don’t even need to lay track.”

    2. He’s sold Hyperloops to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook, and by gum it put them on the map!

  14. The war against testicles continues unabated:

    Swedish men told to beware testicle-munching fish

    Experts have warned Swedish men to keep their swimming trunks on if taking a dip in a sound off the country’s southern coast, after a South American fish known for attacking testicles was discovered in the area.

    1. snap!

      1. ha! The furious fingers win again. (ok, not really)

    2. It’s just that they have different teeth. Flatter and stronger, perfect for crushing,”

      Ow, my balls!

      1. Tentatively named the Balko Fish

    3. I always knew all those swedish fish that I ate would catch up to me.

  15. Nude swimming in Sweden has become risky business after an invasive species of fish infamous for attacking testicles was discovered in local waters.

    “It normally eats nuts, fruit, and small fish, but human testicles are just a natural target. It’s not normal to get your testicles bitten off, of course, but it can happen …,” Mr Carl said.

    Read more: http://www.news.com.au/weird-t…..z2blAGvBAQ

    1. It’s not normal to get your testicles bitten off

      You think, genius boy? What was your first clue?

      1. There’s an Ice Pirates joke in there somewhere.

  16. Attorney General Eric Holder is expected to announce today that federal prosecutors will no longer seek “mandatory minimums” for many non-violent drug offenders.

    Doesn’t the law require the judge impose mandatory minimums, since that is the law, whether the prosecution asks for it or not?

    1. “Pay no attention to the facts behind the curtain” – Holder.

    2. If the amount of drugs is not presented to the judge, he has no way to engage the chart.

      1. But it will only not be presented to the judge if the Holder DOJ chooses not to present it to them. And if they break their own policy and some prosecutor does it any way, tough shit.

        This policy is a joke.

        1. You probably wouldn’t want to be a tea party person and get caught with the drugs.

          1. Or happen to own a gun. If you have a gun, it will “involve violence” and a bunch of other sentence enhancers. Like I said on the other thread, this is going to have little or no practical effect.

          2. ^This. If some minority Democrat voter is found with drugs, we’ll eave the quantity off the charging doc. However, is some Tea Party thug is caught with ’em, well, throw the book at ’em.

      2. It sounds like they’re just going to charge lesser offenses rather than manipulate the evidence they submit.

    3. Perhaps Holder is just getting out in front of things for when he is out of office?

    4. Here’s an idea. Stop federally prosecuting drug possession cases.

    5. Obama: ‘Uhhhh, hey Holder, say something about mandatory minimums, ummm, because, uhhh, we can’t be letting anyone, especially the black community, think this was a Republicans idea. So, we need to pretend to not be fascist pigs, and, uhhhh, so let’s deflect them with this, and then can you step up your efforts to bust up a few more of those medical marijuana joints?’

    6. Doesn’t the law require the judge impose mandatory minimums,

      My vague recollection is that mandatory minimums are unconstitutional per a court decision, and that they are now more guidelines for judges. Could be wrong, though.

  17. Can We Afford Obamacare?

    In May of this year, the Congressional Budget Office (CBO) projected that health-insurance subsidies and related spending between 2014 and 2023 will cost $949 billion. CBO wrote that, while the budget deficit this year is expected to be the “smallest shortfall since 2008,” subsidies for health insurance and rising health-care costs will lead to increasing shortfalls over the next ten years.

    Even more importantly, CBO is projecting that by 2023, 162 million American workers will be receiving employer-sponsored health coverage — that’s 6 million more than are receiving it today, but 7 million fewer than would have received coverage through their employers in the absence of the ACA.

    That figure will almost certainly turn out to be overly optimistic. The realities of rising health-care costs, combined with the generosity of the federal subsidies and the comparatively low penalties for employers who drop coverage, work to create a clear incentive for employers large and small to forgo offering health insurance to their employees.

    1. That figure will almost certainly turn out to be overly optimistic.

      Unexpectedly optimistic, no doubt.

    2. When did our ability to afford something ever stop this Obama? MOAR STIMULUZZZ!

  18. Obama’s Security Retreat
    The President invites limits on his own powers as Commander in Chief.

    It’s enough to make us wonder if he is reverting in his second term to the Senator who became the darling of the left to outflank Hillary Clinton and win the Democratic nomination. Perhaps the real Barack Obama isn’t the President of the first term who used the Bush antiterror policies to pound al Qaeda. Maybe he really believes that he is the only President who can be trusted with such security powers, and so now he is going to use the controversy inspired by Mr. Snowden to hamstring his successors.

    Especially if that is true, but even if he is merely trying to appease his left wing, wiser figures in both parties in Congress will need to protect the office of the Presidency and the country from his security retreat.

    1. How about protecting the powers of Congress and the Courts? We have never had a Presidency so powerful in the history of the country.

      1. How about reducing the powers of all three by 90% or so?

  19. Feeling in a foul mood today even for a Monday. My wife’s cousin recently took in her Husband’s niece who is in the sixth grade. Yes, the sixth grade. The reason was that her father is God knows where and her mother is a drunk and an addict. But that wasn’t what finally caused her mother to agree to send her to my wife’s cousin. What caused that was, the mother being an addict wasn’t very responsible. And the girl, being in the sixth grade, wasn’t either and thus missed a lot of school. And she got to the point that if she missed any more school they were going to send her to juvenile jail. That is right, the state was going to send a sixth grade girl to prison for the crime of having a fucked up mother. And when you think about it, that is where mandatory school laws lead. If the kid won’t go to school, you send him or her to jail. You can’t fine them. They have no money.

    So I was thinking about this appalling fact today as I drove to work and saw all the Washington liberals driving to work. They all have this smug sense of just knowing they are so compassionate and caring and have helped build such a compassionate society. No, we have a disgusting cruel society that locks 12 year old girls in cages for the crime of having a bad mother. And we have that society thanks to assholes like you who think the solution to every problem is passing a law. So fuck you.

    1. But remember, Libertarians who object to laws like this are cruel heartless people who don’t care about the unfortunate. If they really cared, they would want to send that little girl to jail.

      1. That’s messed up. Poor girl.

        1. It is terrible. And the only reason she is not in jail is because she was lucky enough to have my wife’s cousin and her uncle, who are fucking saints if you ask me, to take her in. How many kids don’t get that lucky and are sitting in jail right now?

          1. My wife and I took in such a girl when she was 14 and raised her. Not even a relative, the daughter of a co-worker. She is 26 now. I am convinced she would be dead had we not done so.

            I will never forget the day I floated the idea to the co-worker. I asked her if her daughter could come and live with us and she said with a wave of her hand in the most nonchalant way you can imagine; “Yeah, sure, take her.”.

            1. People are horrible.

            2. thank God she let her go. There was a trial here recently of a woman who beat and tortured her 6 year old to death. The kid looked like her ex and she hated him, so she made the kid pay. The kid had been taken from her and put into foster care. The mother then went through all the hoops to get her back, and then picked up where she left off.

              1. When it comes to child abuse, mothers are much worse than fathers. If you ever notice, you rarely see biological fathers involved in the really horrible cases like that. It is nearly always mothers and b/fs or step fathers. I don’t know what it is. But mothers seem to be capable of levels of cruelty fathers are not.

                1. Kipling knew of what he spoke.

                2. Yeah, with fathers it’s usually, “The kid wouldn’t stop crying so I threw it against the wall.”

                  Spontaneous frustration crimes from violent guys with no impulse control.

                  But programmatic torture? Most bad fathers can’t be fucking bothered.

              2. Slice her open a bit and drop her in with the great whites.

                1. MEGALODON!!!

                  1. still awesome.

          2. And if you were to actually go complain about the law to someone that could do something about it, all they would do is send someone from CPS over, arrest her parent(s), and stuff her in a foster home. Heads, you lose. Tails, they win.

      2. To whom is that directed?

        1. All of the liberals who would have called the cops on me if I had stopped my car and started ranting at them.

    2. “saw all the Washington liberals driving to work.”

      oh man do I know that feeling.

      1. saw all the Washington liberals driving to work

        In their Priuses, of course.

      2. I used to feel bad for the people stuck in the massive rolling traffic jam I would see on 95-N, coming out of DC, when I was going home on 95-S.

        Then I realized that most of them are federal employees and I stopped feeling so bad.

    3. Thank goodness that girl has some family to take her. The foster system is worse, 95 times in 1000, than the home-life children are “rescued” from. Even the ones where the children receive sexual abuse are a toss-up. Hopefully, she’ll get straightened out.

      My friend had a son when he was 16. Spent the first 12 years of that boy’s life seeing him on weekends and watching his mom get spun out. Similar situation, but it took mom going to rehab and her 2nd husband leaving before dad could get custody. His son is almost 16 now and, although still a little behind at school, way better behaved than most 15 year olds and no more lazy than average. I think he’s a great kid. There’s hope still for your wife’s niece.

      1. She will be fine. She is a good kid. I have met her. She is a just kind of a screwed up rebellious 12 year old but not a criminal or a bad person. Her biggest problem is that she is very pretty and looks like she is 16. To any boy under the age of 17, she is a lot of trouble and just the kind of trouble you dream of getting into at that age. She is not old enough or mature enough to have that kind of power. But God and genes gave it to her anyway.

    4. Kudos to your wife’s cousin. She sounds like a wonderful person.

      If the kid won’t go to school, you send him or her to jail.

      But it’s for the children!

    5. Laws are little more than excuses for those who initiate violence to initiate violence.

      So whenever someone says a problem should be solved by passing a law, what they’re saying is that the problem should be solved with violence.

      Violence is not compassion.

      1. Yup. Laws only have power if they are backed up by putting someone in prison. So when someone says “there ought to be a law”, they are saying “people ought to go to jail for doing that”.

        1. It’s worse than that. Think about it. What happens if you refuse to go to court? Well, they’ll send a guy with a gun to bring you to court. What if you resist? You will be beaten. What if you continue to resist? You will be killed.

          So when someone says “there ought to be a law” they’re saying “I wish a cop would just kill that motherfucker.”

          1. Ultimately yes. If you try to escape from jail, that is a new crime and they can shoot you when you try it.

    6. Not to minimize your situation, but was I the only one waiting to hear how much your wife’s cousin’s husband’s niece made on the Internet?

      1. She can’t make that kind of money until she is 18.

      2. She can’t make that kind of money until she is 18.

    7. Huh, I didn’t know you had family in Arlen, TX.

  20. Free market gets rehydration meds to poor kids where NGOs and government could not. Slate readers predictably outraged

    1. OH god, I read the comments. BIG mistake.

      1. THose people are fucking nuts. Even Bono has realized that capitalism not charity is what will help poor countries advance.
        The number of people who think that the profit motive will cause the kits to be priced above what the target market can afford is amazing. Yeah, you are going to make money by charging more than your customers can afford.

    2. “We went out and asked people what their problems were in treating diarrhea”

      Imagine that.

    3. what has worked is copying Coca-Cola’s business techniques: create a desirable product, market it like mad, and put the product in a distribution system at a price so that everyone can make a profit. If there is demand and retailers can make a profit, then they will do anything to meet that demand.

      They shouldn’t neeeeeed profit. They should work just as hard and efficiently only to recover costs.

      I bet so many Slate readers were totally on board with this guy’s plan until that line.

    4. Those kids are better off dying than benefiting from the capitalist system. Liberals really believe this. Same way they think the girl I spoke of above would be better off in prison.

      I can guarantee you that plenty of liberals when confronted with that case would say “well we can’t just let her roam the streets. She is better off in jail than that”. God they are sick.

    5. While charity certainly has its place, I just want to punch these people who think that it is somehow morally superior to trade and commerce. Charity can keep people from dying, but it is not going to do anything to permanently improve conditions in 3rd world countries.

      1. Charity can keep people from dying, but it is not going to do anything to permanently improve conditions in 3rd world countries.

        Those who denigrate commerce don’t want to improve conditions in the 3rd World, but keep the status quo of people living in destitute poverty with many of them starving. They lose all of their power if conditions are improved more than minimally.

        1. Some think that way. I suspect most are just morons who think that commerce is zero-sum.

      2. These are the same people who haven’t caught onto Smith’s 240-year-old revelation about the relationship between self interest and societal wealth. It says something about the educational system that even literate college grads aren’t familiar with the most important idea that any human being has ever had anywhere.

        They’re economic and philosophical illiterates, and you’ll never convince these fools that a likely sociopath like Steve Jobs can and has done more to improve humanity’s lot than Kropotkin ever did. One meant well and the other didn’t, and that’s the end of the story, reality, results, and human nature be damned.

    6. Free market gets rehydration meds to poor kids where NGOs and government could not

      Unpossible! Anarchist! Just move to Somalia already!

  21. Beer Update: Last week I made my first batch of Brown Ale. I found a local brew supplier, so this is their kit. Bottling later this week.

    Cooling the Wort was the biggest pita – the ice cubes quickly ran out, so I was left with little freezer packs and cold water.

    1. Didn’t I tell you to buy a chiller when you asked us about kits?

      1. any recommendations for one?

        1. I made mine from a copper coil and some fitting from the hardware store.

      2. I think you did – but I’m being a cheapskate until I feel more comfortable with the process. The icing did work… just a very frustrating ~20 minutes of dipping the wort back ‘n’ forth between the two sinks.

        1. As long as you didn’t add ice or anything directly to the wort. That is a good way to contaminate the brew.

        2. Since the Yenrabs aren’t known to ape the habits of fancy townfolk what with their high-falutin’ wort chillers, I just lid and wrap my kettle in a wet towel, then park it in front of a box fan in the garage for a few hours, sometimes overnight if I’m brewing late in the evening.

          It’s been my experience that beer is a resilient concoction and that many of the sanitation concerns of homebrewers (which are created & reinforced by publications peddling expensive uni-tasking equipment) are overstated.

          1. Its an ROI decision. I brewed for years with a cobbled-together kit.

            Then, I got some kind of infection in it that I could not get out. Three batches went bad, after years of no batches going bad.

            By that time, there were microbreweries, brewpubs, and walls of craft brews, and I didn’t feel the need to start over.

            If I were to take it up today, I would spring for whatever rig was most infection-proof. Of course, I’m a lot less cost-sensitive now, too.

    2. I am the world’s cheapest ass bastard. I never buy something if I can build it. When I started brewing, I fought with my buddy over every single purchase.

      One day he just got sick of it and bought a wort chiller himself. God damn. Best investment ever. After a couple of sessions, I admitted I was wrong and stubborn and paid my buddy the purchase price.

      Look, not only will it shave a couple hours off your brew session, it’ll also reduce opportunity for infection. If you save even one batch of beer because of it, then it’s paid for itself.

  22. Warty Hugeman materialized in one of the filthy alleys of Paris, crackling snakes of lightning writhing all over the circuitry of his timesuit. Orgone reserves were running low. He had maybe three timejumps left before he would have to recharge the suit with massive amounts of 31st century megaporn. Megaporn always left Warty depleted and depressed, but it was the only fuel he knew of for the timesuit since his tame black hole finally evaporated in a barely observable cascade of Hawking radiation. Hawking had warned him, but he hadn’t listened; Warty had been too busy watching the fleshmound of barely legal poon Stephen used as transport when only his friends were about. He had offered Warty use of one of the young women, but she kept trying to talk to him about difficulties with her dissertation advisor and it turned him off.

    Warty checked his time coordinates: 1793 July 13. Perfect. He planned on filming Charlotte Corday assassinating Jean-Paul Marat and getting some holographic hyperphotos of her hair. There was a researcher in the 27th century that was so desperate to prove his theory that Corday wasn’t a natural blond that he had agreed to help Warty build a timeship. Hugeman Industries needed cargo space in order for Warty to loot and fuck his way across all of time with any efficiency.

    1. “Timesuit,” Warty said into his wristcom. “Configure language for Middle French, Retard Level 3.” Warty eyed the filthy peasants moving past him on the street. They saw a man in immaculate period clothes, clothes so expensive they avoided eye contact with him. The camouflage hologram saved him thousands of costume changes over the years. “Belay that last, Timesuit. Retard Level 4.”

      “Yes, Master Hugeman,” the suit said. It fed audio directly into his mastoid bones and was currently programmed to sound like the first woman he ever ruined for all other men with his enormous, prehensile futurecock.

      Warty would eventually invent the futurecock technology in 3136, after 27 years of subjective travel, but that wasn’t a reason he had to live without it until then. Warty brought himself the first custom production model the day after he had begun to time travel. It was magnificent; he could crush a cinder block with his new futurecock and it played its own theme music at cervix rattling volume. He was very impressed with himself and had placed a note in his sidereal-locked perpetua-calendar to invent it on the right day he will have had done so. Can’t go mucking about when it came to cocktech, after all. A thousand futurecock-pleasured women or defined-female equivalent sentients would be shit out of the timestream if he didn’t. Those women and “women” depended on him.

    2. Warty stopped the first man he saw that looked vaguely literate to ask him directions.

      “Do you know the way to Mssr. Marat’s place of residence?” he whispered in to the microphone of the timesuit.

      “J’ai l’intention d’irriguer votre c?lon avec mon jus de p?nis,” the timesuit told the man, in a carefully cultured accent. He gentleman’s eyes widened and he stalked off in a cloud of grumbles and curses.

      “Asshole,” Warty mumbled. He thought about going after him, but let it drop. If he killed every rude person he met, the future would be depopulated.

      He stopped another man in the street, a young man reading a book and stumbling on the rough stone of the street.

      “Please, sir. My name is Warty Hugeman. I looking for directions to Jean-Paul Marat’s residence,” he said.

      “S’il vous pla?t, monsieur. Je suis un grand homme et nous aurions pu faire la f?te ? nouveau pour la baise,” the timesuit said.

      The young man looked up from his book and eyed Warty warily.

      “Nous ne pouvons pas parler de ces choses dans la rue. Venez avec moi,” he said, in a low voice.

      “I would have you here in the street, but I assume your penis is a withered twig,” the timesuit told Warty.

    3. “What did you say to me?” Warty thundered. He grabbed the young man by his lapels and lifted him off his feet. The timesuit let out a shriek of offended French: “Je vais exploser vos lapins avec mes seins!”

      People were begin to stop and stare as Warty shook him like a ragdoll. The timesuit augmented his already enormous physical strength, and he had made it even more powerful during his year-long fist-fight with the Alien Sex Messiah during the invasion of 2248. He threw the young man into the mud before the gathering crowd.

      “Look, you frog shitheads? Just tell me how to get to Jean-Paul Marat’s house and no one gets hurt.”


      As the crowd howled with laughter, Warty’s wristcommed beeped. He seethed with rage as he read the words scrolling on the tiny screen.

      “Have fun in Paris, dumbass.” Marissa. She had tampered with the translation circuits. Damn that woman. He could kill her a thousand times and it would never be enough.

      1. Imagine all that literary talent put into constructive channels…

        1. Looks constructive to me. Made me laugh. What are your standards?

          1. Low, but not *that* low.

      2. You have a typo. You said “crackling snakes of lightning” when you meant “crackling penises of lightning.”

        1. Sometimes crackling snakes of lightning are just crackling snakes of lightning. Get your mind out of the gutter.

          1. You don’t fool me. I can smell the Liquid Paper from here as you hasten to make this correction.

      3. My hovercraft is full of eels.

      4. This better devolve into some Sandra Shine and/or Rebecca Lord French-lesbo porn, or I’m out of here.

      5. “cervix rattling volume”

        I have no words.

      6. Pure fucking horror.
        Pure fucking insanity.
        Pure fucking gold.

    4. I will not read this I will not read this I will not read this…

      1. Those who do not read Warty Hugeman are condemned to experience him

        1. Those who do read Warty Hugeman are condemned to experience him, but only after he’s done with all the non-readers.

    5. Warty’s co?rdinates failed because Corday was using the revolutionary calendar.

      And Corday could never have been a natural blond. Whether she was a natural blonde is a matter of debate. :-p

  23. Bloomberg is frantically concern trolling Starbucks over their gun policy.

    OMFG those crazy guys are complying with state and local laws. Don’t they understand some people might find the sight of a gun hurtful or discomforting? What if little children grow up to think they can have a gun of their very own, some day?

    Exercising your rights is all well and good in theory, but not if it might make somebody uncomfortable. Especially somebody hundreds or thousands of miles away.

    1. Last time the gun control guys tried to pick a fight about it, Starbucks made more money in a week than they usually do in a month. I’ll bet the Starbucks guys are just begging Bloomberg not to throw them back in that briar patch.

  24. The Obama rodeo clown story didn’t make the AM Links? Man, my home state is really falling down on the outrage meter.

    1. A ton of Dems call wearing an Obama mask racist. Surprise, surprise.

      Better article on it with commentary from said proglodytes:


      Among those who took to Twitter to condemn the rodeo act was St. Louis Treasurer Tishaura Jones, writing that “racism rears its ugly head at MO State Fair” and “the fair needs to do a better job welcoming ALL Missourians to the fair each year.” Jones also issued support for a plan to defund the publicly-funded fair.

      “Since November 2008, racism has been masked under the guise of ‘anti-Obama sentiment,'” Jones added.

      Why am I not surprised?

      1. Jones also issued support for a plan to defund the publicly-funded fair.

        If that’s what it takes.

    2. I saw that this morning on FB, under the theme of “A rodeo is no place for politics!”

      I’m sure the outrage would have been double if the clown had on a Dubya mask.

  25. http://www.politico.com/story/…..95433.html

    2/3rd of New Yorkers find Weiner and Spitzer embarrassing. Even 2/3rds of have more sense and shame than the national media.

    1. I’d prefer they find Spitzer evil.

      1. I will take what I can get.

    2. Hopefully, most of this 2/3 is the 1/3 that vote in elections this time.

    3. So, then, they’ll win by landslides.

  26. “August 7, 2013 (Pro-Life Action League) – On Tuesday, July 30, we got a call from Andrew S., who regularly sidewalk counsels outside Albany Medical Surgical Center, an abortion facility operated by Family Planning Associates on Chicago’s Northwest Side, about a mile from the Pro-Life Action League’s office.

    “He called to tell us that a woman had just been taken out of the clinic and placed in an ambulance.

    “It’s certainly not the first time this has happened. Albany specializes in late-term abortions, and it’s anything but safe. In fact, four women ? Maria Rodriguez, Maria Leho, Nakia Jorden, and Deanna Bell (who was only 13 years old) ? have actually died there….

    “…When Andrew started taking pictures of the ambulance that pulled up to Albany’s back door last week, one of the Illinois Choice Action Team (ICAT) escorts tried to block the view of his camera….

    “…You’ll notice that the ambulance pulled up not to the abortion clinic’s front door, but to the back door, which opens out onto the alley.

    “The alley. As in, “back alley.””


    1. Not me!

      1. I was going to make a joke about this, but then I saw it was Chicago.

        1. I should have known better than to include that last paragraph.

  27. Conor Friedersdorf has a nice dissection of the President’s comments on security and transparency.

    1. I don’t agree with everything he writes, but if people who read The Atlantic are actually reading his column, he’s a good-enough ambassador of small “l” libertarianism for that space. Better than one would expect.

  28. So my wife is opening up her law business in a few weeks. Our ancient next door neighbor, who is old money and also a lawyer, offered her a space at his downtown office. The monthly rate is silly low and is just a block away from the courthouse.

    She’s getting really nervous about this whole new work thing – that is to say, working for herself instead of “The Man”. We shall see how it all turns out. I’ll be happy if she could just cover her rent + student loan so I can go back to my hobbies in earnest. I found a ’78 Caprice 2-door that’s just begging for a big block transplant. But no…

    1. Get a chiller first.

      1. Definitely.

        Amazon has a wide selection of copper and stainless steel chillers. I picked up a stainless steel chiller, and it works great.

    2. It’ll take a while, but she should be able to make okay money before too long. Not a lot right away–building the business is the hard part.

  29. OT: Spain is on a roll.

    47 story building nearly finished “Oops, forgot the elevators.”

    New Sub 70 tons too heavy. Might never surface after submerging.

    1. Did they put a screen door in the sub too? 🙂

    2. The Defense Ministry said technical problems are normal for projects of this scale.

      Nothing out of the ordinary.

      1. Yeah, everybody designs subs that don’t surface the first time out. Most people, however, fix that BEFORE the build them.

        1. *the (should be) they

          1. Most people, however, fix that BEFORE they post.

    3. 47 story building nearly finished “Oops, forgot the elevators.”

      There’s probably plenty of extra elevators they could use, from those abandon towns that Jezza and the boys drove though on a recent Top Gear.

    4. Perfect! By demolishing the building and starting over, that’s double the stimulus.

    1. “Ned” is not the name that fucking idiot should’ve looked for.

      It’s Eddard


      1. “Purple nurples are coming”

  30. http://www.nationalreview.com/…..mas-sowell

    My God colleges are pathetic. Swarthmore is a private college. The answer to these little bastards is “if you don’t like how we invest our endowment, don’t go to school here”. Kidding the little bastards out of school for disruptive behavior would probably do more to educate them than four years at Swarthmore.

    1. I’m not a big fan of the “love it or leave it” approach. Now, kicking them out for disruptive behavior rather than their stupid beliefs, hell yeah.

      1. I am if it is a private organization, which Swarthmore is. If the students don’t like how Swarthmore does business, they are free to leave. They don’t owe their students millions of dollars in forgone endowment income. If the little bastards think it is that important, go raise money to replace the lost income and we will talk.

        1. “Free to leave” is not the same as kicking them out.

          I think it’s perfectly reasonable for them to make their feelings known and to debate the subject and maybe change minds. I think it would be idiotic to kick them out for that. I’m not saying they can’t, I’m saying it would be idiotic.

          Again, kicking them out for their moronic disruptions is a completely different thing.

          1. I wouldn’t kick them out. I would just tell them to come up with some way to make up for the lost income or fuck off.

        2. The thing is that “student activism” is something that a lot of private schools use to market themselves. I think that is a lot of the reason they don’t kick people out for stuff like this. It would ruin the image they have been cultivating.
          But I agree it is stupid. Why would you even want to go to a school that you disapprove of so much?

          1. Why would you even want to go to a school that you disapprove of so much?

            Because liberals are totalitarian assholes. Seriously. You Zeb are not. So when you see a school that does things you disagree with, you think, “I would never want to go to that place”. But liberals don’t do that. They are totalitarians. That means they cannot tolerate the existence of anything that doesn’t suite their tastes. So a place that does things they disapprove of is exactly where they want to go so they can be activists and change it to suit their tastes.

            For example, look at Sandra Fluke. She only went to Georgetown so that she could fuck with them about abortion and birth control. She chose to go there specifically because she objected to them. It is a sick and evil mentality.

            1. My first adult taste of liberal totalitarianism came when a bunch of Yale multiculturalist proglodytes greeted incoming freshmen by putting on white face (yes, really) while screaming and shaking placards demanding that the college leadership “get the white out of Yale.”

              Many people don’t understand how totalitarian and lacking in self awareness the extreme socdems really are. Meanwhile, the proggies congratulate themselves for their courage in standing up to whatever hobgoblins they’ve divined among their political enemies.

            2. For example, look at Sandra Fluke. She only went to Georgetown so that she could fuck with them about abortion and birth control. She chose to go there specifically because she objected to them. It is a sick and evil mentality.

              Berke Breathed, no conservative himself, had these types nailed:


    2. Man, that was like reading a Rand column.

    3. The problem is that most college administrators don’t really care, and may even secretly support the disruptive tactics. I think this commenter has it right:

      Let a few conservatives try to make some demands and see what happens.

      Demands for fewer gender studies and more science courses, stiffer math requirements for all students, and some conservative voices in the liberal arts.

      Watch those school administrators suddenly develop backbone.

      1. Or let some student liberal or conservative be accused of sexual assault. Then watch those administrators fly into action.

      2. No student who cares about those things or their actual education would attend Swarthmore in the first place.

    4. The college was fucking lost before the meeting even started. A meeting to divest itself of investments in “fossil fuels” taken over by left-wing shitheads who want ethnic BS classes? Like watching Trotskyites take over a meeting of Stalinists.

  31. No slacking! Fearless female highliners perform jaw-dropping moves 3,300 feet above Yosemite National Park


    1. That is crazy sexy without being slash your tires or sow you up in the sheets while you are a sleep and beat the shit out of you with a mop handle crazy.

      1. I’m impressed that you could go from the article to the mop thing so easily.

      2. That photographer seems to have done well for himself.

      3. They all had tethers on, so it’s only about as crazy as skydiving.

        1. Less crazy, since skydivers don’t have tethers, do they?

  32. British warships set sail for Gibraltar in diplomatic tensions with Spain.

    This is absolutely incredible. The Brits still have warships??

    1. Yes, and the paddle-wheels are completely up to date!

    2. Britain versus Spain, cripple fight!!!

    3. The Brits are actually about the last ally we have that doesn’t have to hitch a ride with us. They have force projection capability, albeit not as much as they used to.

      We’re literally the only country in the world that can do everything we do with our military. Nobody else has the complete force package anymore. China’s trying, but they ain’t there yet.

    4. They have a few. Traveller families stole and squatting in the rest.

    5. Spain rushes newest sub into service, regrets it.

  33. Lindsey Graham’s Libertarian Challengers

    So it is remarkable that two of Graham’s three challengers in next year’s Republican primary seem prepared to take the senator’s hawkishness head-on. State Sen. Lee Bright, a lawmaker from Greer, endorsed Ron Paul for president in the Palmetto State’s pivotal primary. Bright’s campaign website blasts the slogan, “For Senate, for liberty.”

    Bright is joined by Charleston businesswoman Nancy Mace.


  34. http://www.nypost.com/p/news/l…..reX5QrUAyK

    Corey Booker turning out to be just another crooked big city Dem. Shame on everyone who was ever taken in by him and thought he was any different. Sadly, being a complete slime bag crook will not harm his political career. He is black and liberal, so being a thief is expected by black voters and doesn’t interfere with the groovy feeling white liberals get from voting for a black man.

    1. Of course he’s corrupt. He just looked good by comparison to Sharpe James.

  35. And as long as I have the privilege of holding this office, I will spend every minute of every day doing everything in my power to make this economy work for working Americans again; to build that better bargain for the middle class; to make sure that the American Dream is something that’s achievable for everybody ? not just today, but for decades to come. – Barack Obama, July 27, 2013

    August 11, 2013. Obama starts Martha’s Vineyard vacation

    So Obama’s new idea of fixing the economy going on vacation and doing nothing? I wholeheartedly support this new direction! Maybe he finally gets it!

    Senior aides are accompanying Obama, who will receive daily briefings during his vacation and start planning for a busy fall that includes likely disputes over health care and budget issues that could lead to a government shutdown.

    Oops, maybe not.

    1. I read that some of the locals there are really pissed because Secret Service closed down one of the roads for the whole vacation, which they never did before until this trip.

    2. “First dog Bo is airlifted to Obama holiday home”


      1. A separate aircraft?? He couldn’t fly with the rest of the family?

        This shit would be funny if it wasn’t so completely disgusting.

      2. Wait, what? Does he have a Secret Service detail?

      3. CUT

      4. The budget is cut to the bone!

    3. So Obama’s new idea of fixing the economy going on vacation and doing nothing?

      Let’s face it. The best possible thing that Obama can ever do, is nothing.

      1. Remember pre-911 Dubya? Everyone complained because he was on vacation the whole time. I was thinking how great it was. Maybe this guy will be like Coolidge and sit around and do nothing the whole time. Yeah, well.

  36. I found a ’78 Caprice 2-door that’s just begging for a big block transplant.

    Bah. I want* a ’53 sedan delivery as a home for my big block.

    *want = “would like to HAVE, but not willing to actually stick hand in pocket and BUY”

    1. I want an early 60s Continental with suicide doors. I would like to take it to a quality hot rob builder. Paint it jet black, redo the front end, put disk breaks, power steering, six speed automatic transmission, nice wheels and one of those new 302 Ford Coyote 500+HP engines and a new interior. That car would be epic.

      1. The wife wants one of the Lincolns with suicide doors. I think it’d be sweet, but It’s not in the cards for a while.

        1. Mine either. Maybe when I retire. But before I do that I am going to build a kit car from scratch. Building a kit car, something fun like a big block cobra or Porsche spider, is totally in my bucket list.

      2. A friend of mine in college owned a Corvair with suicide doors.

        1. True story. A campus group that one of my roommates was a member once got Ralph Nader to come and speak on campus. My friend picked him up at the airport in a Corvair. He said Nader actually had a real sense of humor about it and was a nice guy.

      3. a quality hot rob builder

        Given what you’ll pay, that may not even be a typo.

    2. I love the (late) 70s/80s GM full-frames. They really went for weight reduction back then – for example, my departed ’86 Monte Carlo SS weighed in a (from memory) 3500pds. My old ’81 Malibu was even less than that. Of course the B-Bodies (Caprice) had better rear axles and all the available cop goodies. The G-bodies (except for the Grand National and 442) suffered from puny 7.5″ rears. One hard launch and you’re running a metal blender.

      1. 67-72 Chevy trucks, and esp Blazers

    3. 1969 GTO with 750+ hp to the rear wheels and a cam lope that feels like a heartbeat. Tubbed a bit. Some NOS for when 750 isn’t enough. Damn.

      1. Unless you want to go to the drag strip on the weekend (NTTAAWWT), why? That is just too much for the street. Can’t see it being very fun to drive. And with that much power and NOS, it would break down pretty quickly.

        1. My 1970 GTO had a little over 600 to the wheels and I drove it to school every day. Well, on those relatively few days on which I went to school, anyway. Granted, it took judicious balancing of the clutch and accelerator to get moving and I didn’t drive it in stop-and-go traffic — nor would I with the 1969 — but it wasn’t bad at all.

          It was immensely fun to drive until one of my fucking “friends” killed it.

          1. People always tell me I should put disk breaks and power steering on my Mustang. But honestly, I like it the way it is. It is not like driving a new car. You have to pay some attention. It doesn’t drive itself. But you feel more connected to the road in some ways. If I want the feeling of driving a modern car, I will drive one.

            So I can see your point. Challenging can also be fun.

  37. some of the locals there are really pissed because Secret Service closed down one of the roads for the whole vacation, which they never did before until this trip.

    “Wait a minnit! He’s not supposed to oppress US! We’re loyal and obediant citizens. We love Him. Why are they doing this to us?”

    1. He is doing it to them because He loves them.

  38. $15/hr for fast food workers, how about we just use robots?

    San Francisco-based Momentum Machines claim that using Alpha will save a restaurant enough money that it pays for itself in a year, and it enables the restaurant to spend about twice as much on ingredients as they normally would

    1. This is exactly where things are going.

    2. Can it get an order right, even after you have repeated it less than 5 times?

      1. I’m more concerned that the great taste of burgers at restaurants is the crushing ennui of the cooks.

      2. Touch screens, dude. Why pay an unskilled worker to jab at a picture of what you want when you can jab at the picture yourself?

        1. I watched some people in Janesville, WI failing to the new touch screen coke machines yesterday.

          Admittedly, the UI on those things are awful, but still.

          1. I had no end of fun taunting my 64 year old father at the Firehouse subs about that. “Damn, dad, that thing’s harder to work than a VCR.” etc. It was all fun and games until he pointed out that he can change his will pretty easily these days. I know where I got my bastard streak from.

          2. I’m not sure the UI on those screens could be any more simple. Tap the logo of what you want, tap whatever flavoring you want, and pour.

            1. It was kind of a “get off my lawn” moment. Pops is actually a pretty high-functioning technology user. He just had an old-person moment where he didn’t WANT to learn a new UI to get his fucking Vanilla Coke. Which I can appreciate, but I’m still going to bust his balls about. Its how we show our love in my family.

              1. He just had an old-person moment where he didn’t WANT to learn a new UI to get his fucking Vanilla Coke.

                Which of course he couldn’t get without the new fangled machines. When was the last time anyone saw vanilla coke in a soda fountain since the time of soda jerks?

            2. The biggest issue, IMO, is that the touch screen doesnt actually pour the drink. Once you have made your selection, you have to push a physical button to actually cause the pour.

              Thats just poor design. Beef up the processor if necessary and let the touch screen activate the pouring.

              1. Ditto for the ice, only first.

                Two mechanical processes mixed in with a electronic process.

              2. Thats just poor design. Beef up the processor if necessary and let the touch screen activate the pouring.


                It’s really poor design. Stick with one way of input throughout the entire process. Ditto with payment screen in retail stores that combine finger touching with stylus touching and/or physical button pushing. Don’t make the user have to think about what changes he will have to make in order for him to finish the transaction.

          3. Sheetz seems to have this worked out pretty well.


            1. Sheetz is exactly what I was thinking of. It’s like Subway except I don’t have to scream at someone over a sneeze guard.

            2. damn hurry up. what a slow moron.

              1. Which is why I skip the self-checkout-y lines like the plague.

                1. Which is why I skip the self-checkout-y lines like the plague.

                  At Wal-Mart its still better to bet on self-checkout than then 20 item or less line enforcing their limits.

    3. I agree, they may be accelerating their replacement by automation with this recent strike.

  39. Matt Yglesias reviews new ep of Breaking Bad. Why Lord, why?

  40. http://www.nbcnews.com/health/…..6C10879213

    Could it be a ‘cure’? Breakthrough prompts Down syndrome soul-searching

    TL;DR scientists have found a way to turn off the extra chromosome which could potentially cure people with Down syndrome.

    This is huge.

    Of course, there are idiots saying horrific shit like this:

    On the other hand, it’s unclear what costs there may be to shutting down the mechanism that creates people who offer lessons in patience, kindness — and what it means to be human.

    “If Down syndrome were completely cured, the world would lose something from the absence of that culture,” said Skotko, who has a sister with the condition. “There is something positive that people with Down syndrome contribute to the world.”

    1. Fucking people. I must justify my feelings by forcing other people to suffer unnecessarily.

      No. No, you don’t.

      1. Look, if technology goes and solves all human problems, than what happens to all the liberals who have made careers out of being professional victims?

    2. Well we wouldn’t have Matthew Yglesias. So there is that.

      And if these people thinking having disabled people around is so great for society, maybe scientists can reverse engineer the process so that such advocates can take the place of the Down syndrome people who are cured. Why wouldn’t they want to help teach society lessons?

      1. Look, John. There are already at least 22 unused handicap parking spaces at the Walmart every time I go there.

        What about the people whose job it is to keep those spots painted? Why do you hate those people?

      2. We can achieve a similar effect with lobotomies. The fact that these people aren’t volunteering for the procedure is ample evidence that we don’t need to take them seriously.

    3. “We shouldn’t try to develop ways to better the lives of those with handicaps, because seeing them struggle with daily tasks makes me feel good about myself.”

      Fuck you.

    4. That’s even worse than the deaf people who want their children to be deaf. The fact that people can derive some benefit from bad things like Down Syndrome is not a reason not to get rid of the bad thing. And they aren’t just sweet retards, they have lots of other health problems and a shortened life span.

    5. Took the little one for a walk on a bike path yesterday, and someone was taking the retards out for some exercise. See them a lot. Problem is that some of the tards can be dangerous if you get too close. They’ll lash out at anything, including 3yr old girls. So we steer clear. Can’t really explain to her why. Yet. But it bugs me that we’ve got to walk in the mud to keep from getting whacked by some tard’s flailing arms. Don’t they have a yard at the tard home?

      1. The ironic thing is that the view that these “advocates” have is every bit as dehumanizing as the expressed here.

        They are people. Some of them are good and some of them are not. They are not all sweet, wonderful, noble creatures anymore than they are all violent monsters. To think either extreme is to deprive them of their humanity.

        It is a horrible and sad thing. And you really have to be some kind of weird sick fuck to think that the people suffering from this wouldn’t be better off not suffering.

        1. That’s the language these ‘advocates’ are using – treating them like pets or some sort of moral lesson for the rest of humanity, instead of including them in humanity.

    6. It’s like her sister is a fucking pet or totem or something. Fuck that fucking bitch.

    7. Hey, if we can turn off the extra chromosome in people with Down’s syndrome, maybe the idiots who think we lost something by doing that could volunteer to have the extra chromosome either activated or added in themselves. That way, “the world” wouldn’t lose something.

      1. That is what I said above. If it is so damned important, you guys go live that way.

        1. Auuggh, need to refresh more often.

    8. We see the same thing with deaf people every time there’s a new advancement in hearing restoration – some fools lamenting the erosion of deaf culture or some damnfool thing.

      1. Gauludet college is one of the most fucked up places on earth. It is the cult of victimhood taken to its most extreme.

        1. try saying that to them…

          1. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE… oh, wait, shouting won’t help.

        2. I get the desire to band together with people who understand your situation firsthand, but at the end of the day you’re in that group because of a pretty serious disability and it’s pretty much an unmitigated good to no longer need the support group. I guess the only bad thing about it is that it makes the support group a little smaller for the ones the new tech doesn’t help. Of course, that’s no reason to keep anyone crippled, it’s just a slightly unfortunate side effect.

          1. Some day we will cure deafness. And lamenting the death of places like Gauludet is like lamenting the death of the Negro Leagues in baseball. The Negro Leagues were great and all and it is a great story. But no one should be sorry they are gone. But these stupid fucks will actually be sorry no one has to learn how to sign and live isolated from the rest of the world. Oh but what about the wonderful deaf culture that once existed? yeah what about it?

            1. I don’t disagree, that was a bit of diabolical advocacy.

            2. Sign language is pretty interesting and a distinct language of its own. It is kind of sad to see something like that disappear.
              But it is still a million times better to have all of you senses function than to preserve deaf culture forever.

              1. It isn’t about losing “deaf culture” but about losing that little something that made them get special treatment from others.

            3. G-d I miss the days of polio. Those kids, struggling to walk in those heavy, metal braces — always made my day!

    9. “There is something positive that people with Down syndrome contribute to the world.”

      So do the lobotomized. I don’t see you rushing to tool kit to get a drill and an ice pick.

      1. Given the stupidity of his comment, he may already have had the procedure done.

  41. There is something positive that people with Down syndrome contribute to the world.”

    On the other hand, some of them grow up to write for the Washington Post or the New York Times.

    1. I swear to God that Yglesias has something like Down’s. He is just not right. There is just something wrong with him beyond being your typical idiot liberal hack.

        1. Not logical enough.

  42. Apple is expected to release the new iPhone next month.

    I’m trying to find the word that describes just how few fucks I give.

    1. Negative googleplex to the power of googleplex?

      1. Googleplex is even, so the result is a very large positive number.

        1. You feel better about yourself now, math boy?

          1. Now you can feel bad about your ignorance instead of your broken pancreas.

            1. I’m really more of “duh, duh” sort of idiot.

              1. Why are you 2 yammering about multiplying the Google HQ campus by itself?

                Now, a googolplex, OTOH.

                PWND, by a math tard, no less.

                1. Wow, I went this whole morning without even noticing the error. That’s some good branding on their part. Guess I’ll be out on the balcony with my tanto.

                  1. It’s OK, Sug makes all of us feel that way.

        2. Negative (googleplex to the power of googleplex)?

          1. All better.

        3. Ouch. Math burn.

    2. You’re so excited you’ve got koro?

      1. Is that like the “got your nose!” trick, only with genitals?

    3. I wanna know how high the blood mineral content is

  43. Obama Asks Vets to Defend Affordable Care Act

    “Don’t let them fool you: no one’s taking away your benefits,” Obama said. “If you already have health insurance or health care from the VA, you do not have to do a thing.”

    Because the measure of right and wrong is whether it affects me or not.

    1. And if we cut anything, the first thing we are going to cut is funding to take care of disabled vets. Yup, there is not a single GS 15 diversity coordinator or single grant for research into bee hives that could ever be cut. That guy driving the CTS even though he is on food stamps? We can’t cut him. What, do you hate poor people?

      If the evil Rethuglicans cut even 1% from the growth to glory of government, you guys are going on the street. Sorry. Maybe you should form a union or something.

  44. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs…..shoot.html

    I have no idea who Lake Bell is. But wow.

    1. Its weird that they airbrushed her nipples off. She looks like a barbie. Especially with such skinny arms and thighs and then perfect D cups.

      1. They are there. They are just painted over. You have to look close, but they are there. She has a great hour glass figure and perfect D cups. But yeah, her arms are a bit too skinny. It doesn’t fit with the rest of her.

        1. Huh. I’ll have to go back and look more closely, in my bunk.

    2. She’s in Children’s Hospital.

    3. Yeah, WOW. Put a bag on it.

  45. Age, smoking, drinking and drugs are catching up to Kate Moss.


    1. Yeah, it’d be a crying shame if my 40 something wife looked like that.

    2. I still wouldn’t exactly call that curvy. You need hips and/or breasts to count as curvy.

  46. Why would I defend Obamacare when I hate the VA?

    The VA started an initiative called MVP: Million Veteran Program where they are attempting to construct a database of one million sequenced genomes.

    I wasn’t decided on whether to contribute but thought it was interesting. However, when I looked into it I found out that the particpants aren’t allowed to get back any information due to the Clean Laboratory Improvement Amendments.

    I said fuck it since I can just save up $99 and use 23andMe.

    1. I’m sure that the crowd here doesn’t need reminding of VA competence when it comes to managing data.

      1. No way I’d trust them to stick a needle in my vein, much less sequence my genome.

        Besides, if they’re sequencing a million genomes, that’s a shitload of money .

        1. It is a lot of money. From taxpayers.

          Which leads me to think that when pharmaceutical organizations access the data and develop therapies, a discount should be applied to such therapies sold in the US.

          Of course, that will never happen. Gotta love welfare.

  47. Because the measure of right and wrong is whether it affects me or not.

    Exactly. I recently heard an acquaintance braying happily about how Obamacare has saved HIM money, so clearly it is an unmitigated Good Thing for America.

    He is incapable of grasping the the concept “Free to me not same as FREE.”

  48. If you want some squee…
    Baby sings Elvis

  49. Two hours and not one person complains about missing alt-text?

    I have one lousy meeting and suddenly the whole place falls apart!

  50. Don’t like the NSA snooping, or want to keep your online activities and e-mails private?

    Try these (Lifehacker)

  51. Overeducation leads to poor mental health.

  52. Overeducation leads to poor mental health.

    More racist slanders about the President.

  53. More fun with qualified immunity– Texas Rangers, local police, DA & sheriff not subject to ?1983 lawsuit from 15-year-old victim that was used as “sexual bait” to catch an abusive police sergeant.

    Cops allowed the sgt. to molest this girl for days, but allowed it to continue so they could collect more evidence.

    1. Well, you gotta remember, the police have no obligation to protect you.

Please to post comments

Comments are closed.