Obama Says Spying on Europe is OK, IRS Wants More Employees To Enforce Obamacare, University Says Pro-Choice Activists Need a Permit To Pamphleteer: P.M. Links

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(Matthew G. Bisanz)

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  1. Dean Reddeer

    Why I don’t celebrate Canada Day and never have

    1. generic Brand

      What? You don’t like ginger ale?

      1. Who likes gingers?

        1. Episiarch

          Auric?

        2. Archduke Trousersenthusiast

          Irish!

          1. Tonio

            Me?

          2. Irish

            You know me too well.

        3. jesse.in.mb

          The soulless will do things the ensouled would balk at.

        4. Marc F Cheney

          What’s not to like? The pasty complexion? The doughy flesh?

          1. Clich? Bandit

            the bat shit crazy?

        5. Live Free or Diet

          Who likes gingers?

          My first wife was a drop dead gorgeous redhead. Still is too, now at 50+.
          So, me!

        6. anon

          Who likes gingers?

          Think you need your head checked if you don’t like gingers.

    2. Doesn’t everybody celebrate not being Canadian?

      1. DJF

        Once the US gets rid of borders then we will all be Canadian.

    3. Suthenboy

      “The Canadian Left has suffered from nationalism for as long as I’ve been an activist. I suppose it has to do with living next door to the United States.”

      Just as I suspected, it is our fault.

    4. Zeb

      That gets old. I’m all for acknowledging and remembering the horrible things that have been done to indigenous people by colonial powers, but pretty much every nation has been founded by people who were willing to kill and dominate people not like them. At some point you have to let the past be the past and not let it prevent you from seeing the good things about what exists now.

      1. Tonio

        pretty much every nation has been founded invaded by people who were willing to kill and dominate people not like them

        1. Rich

          “Tell us about it.”

          /The Neanderthals

          1. robc

            Unless you are a subsaharan African, congratulations, you are a Neanderthal (at least in part).

            1. Rich

              “It’s our little way of sticking it to The Man.”

              /The Neanderthals

            2. jesse.in.mb

              I thought it was heavier in southern european populations. I’m 2.7% Neanderthal.

              1. Warty

                “Hey, got any Neanderthal in you? Want a little more?”

              2. robc

                IIRC, it varies from 1 to 4 % in non-African populations.

        2. Zeb

          Yeah, that too.

      2. anon

        That gets old. I’m all for acknowledging and remembering the horrible things that have been done to indigenous people by colonial powers,

        I’m not.

        1. lap83

          Same.

          Me: “So someone with a similar complexion to me somewhere once persecuted someone with a different complexion and I’m supposed to feel bad about it? And I’m the racist? Fuck you.”

          1. Zeb

            It’s not about any sort of historical guilt. My conscience is clean and I’m not suggesting wallowing in some sort of collective guilt. Fuck that, I agree. But the US government fucked over indigenous people repeatedly, and that’s just a fact. Do you think we should also not care about the Holocaust or the mass murders committed by communist regimes in the 20th century? Or just say that the victims of those horrible things were the losers, so too bad for them?

        2. Zeb

          Why not? Do you say the same about the things done by Nazis and Communists in the 20th century?

      3. Redmanfms

        At some point you have to let the past be the past and not let it prevent you from seeing the good things about what exists now.

        In the past the indigenous peoples were exterminated or forced to absorb (or be exterminated). White Europeans made the mistake of having an odd moral compass and applying it, albeit unevenly, in their conquests.

        Americans and Canadians compounded this problem by them allowing enclaves of indigenous types to exist and atrophy.

        I’m all for acknowledging and remembering the horrible things that have been done to indigenous people by colonial powers

        I’m not. Fuck ’em. They fought, they lost, they should be thrilled they still even exist culturally. To “acknowledge and remember” things done by people long dead to people also long dead only invites the grievance-mongering ghouls to ply their trade.

  2. A Serious Man

    Oh, and insurance rates for healthy people could as much as triple under Obamacare, according to a new analysis of the train-wrecky federal health scheme.

    We are just finding out what’s in it!

  3. Looking for gun-friendlier digs than its present Maryland location, Beretta rules out West Virginia ? explicitly as a “screw you” over Senator Joe Manchin’s efforts to tighten federal firearms laws.

    They’ll re-elect him anyway. Gun manufacturing employees should probably start brushing up on their Texas accents.

    1. Tonio

      Damn, Fist, a minute late and two comments ahead of you.

      1. Only one counts. Plus I had to read to the end to find one I liked. Quality over positioning, I always say.

        1. A Serious Man

          Mine counts. Suck it Fist!

          1. It’s an honor to cede top spot to a gracious commenter, I always say.

            1. A Serious Man

              I think I am pretty gracious.

              1. WRONG. “Suck it” is one of the gracelessest statements a person can make except under certain circumstances which we won’t go into here on the internet.

                1. A Serious Man

                  True, but I was only kidding.

                  1. Ha! So was I. Out-sarcasmed, sucker!

                2. Bobarian

                  “won’t go into here on the internet”

                  Because the internet is a peaceful place of manners and decorum?

        2. Quality over positioning, I always say.

          You’ve never said that before.

          1. I said it on prom night.

            1. Clich? Bandit

              * I am refraining from posting a juvenile comment *

              1. Bobarian

                So you’re done posting here (forever)?

    2. robc

      KY has the Knob Creek Machine Gun Shoot.

      Game. Set. Match.

      Or at least it should be. Are corporate tax structure kinda sucks.

      1. I met Rand Paul there last time I went. Shaking hands with a national political figure while carrying a gun felt odd. It shouldn’t, but it definitely did.

        Lord knows that’s about the last place on earth somebody would try something criminal.

      2. robc

        s/Are/Our/

        Damn homonyms.

  4. With his options a little limited by U.S. intimidation of all of the decent countries around the world, Edward Snowden reportedly applied for asylum in Russia.

    He’s screwed.

    1. Episiarch

      Yeah, this doesn’t bode well.

    2. Warty

      He should have just leaked it anonymously. Poor bastard.

      1. For many reasons. He has effectively made a good bit of the story about him, shifting the focus, although they would have pegged him as the leaker based on his complaints to superiors over the surveillance programs.

  5. Brett L

    Monkey Monday: I, for one welcome our simian overlords and, as an Internet personality, can help them recruit slaves for theirleaf crushing ventures.

    1. Hyperion

      This might be the best comment there:

      Humans are not easy for monkeys to train. But once trained they (humans) can then run for public office

    2. db

      Monkeys creep me right the fuck out.

      1. Mongo

        They’re de facto retards who live in the wild.

        1. Episiarch

          “Oh, oh, oh! What about, uh, monkey? Monkeys are, like, nature’s humans.”

          1. Joe M

            One of my all-time favorite lines.

        2. Rich

          de facto retards

          Nice band name.

      2. Zeb

        I like those Japanese monkeys that hang out in hot springs in the snow.

        1. generic Brand

          So you’re saying you like macaque? (insert thick Boston accent for the italicized portion)

        2. Mongo

          RACIST

  6. Brett L

    For Warty: Curse of owning the Browns continues.

    In April, Cleveland Browns owner Jimmy Haslam made news for the wrong kind of reasons when his truck stop company, Pilot Flying J, was investigated for fraud by the FBI, who have accused the company’s sales executives of withholding fuel rebates to defraud trucking companies.

    1. Episiarch

      Don’t make Warty sad, he might rape you. He already knows there is no hope for the Browns.

      1. db

        I hope for Warty’s sake this gets resolved without issue for Flying J–isn’t that where he meets most of his “house guests?”

        1. Episiarch

          No, you have to learn to savor the pain of Browns fans. It’s an old vintage.

      2. BigT

        no hope for the Browns

        Racist!!

    2. Warty

      Did you think I had any hope for the Browns? You idiot, I learned to feel nothing but hatred for my beloved team long ago.

  7. Rich

    Me-tooing Secretary of State John Kerry’s insistance that everybody spies on their friends, President Obama suggests that it’s OK to snoop on Europe because the Germans and French are doing the same thing to us.

    OK, then. Everybody just fucking jump off that bridge! 8-(

    1. NeonCat

      It’s snoops all the way down. Eventually it will turn out that San Marino intelligence is actually the only group on Earth that knows everything that’s going on.

    2. Zeb

      I always kind of figured that every country pretty much spies on every other country (at least when they can get away with it) and it is pretty much accepted that that is how things are.

      1. BigT

        The Vatican has the best scheme going – voluntary confession that gathers and sends all the best sleaze back to Rome.

    3. Everybody just fucking jump off that bridge!

      If only.

  8. The Universty of Alabama threatened pro-choice activists with arrest for pamphleteering without a permit.

    So at least now they’re finding out what it’s like to have their speech shut down on college campuses.

  9. Brett L

    Haha: Old Economy Steve.

    1. Is it just my browser, or is Buzzfeed an even bigger memory hog than H&R?

  10. kinnath

    For whoever posted a link to twenty-year-old music videos last week, here it t0 as far as I am concerned.

    http://www.slate.com/blogs/bro…..atles.html

  11. Brett L

    Honesty: I’m bad at math and nearly lost my home because of it.

    1. robc

      With my first home purchase as a single woman, I didn’t have anyone by my side to crunch the numbers.

      I brought my own lawyer to my first closing.

      Best $500 I ever spent.

      The bank thought I was nuts for not using their lawyer. But you know who represents me? Someone Im paying, thats who.

      It was a FSBO, so no realtors were involved, which added to the whole “I need someone who understands this process” stuff.

      1. The Last American Hero

        Why does she think her gender is important to this conversation?

        1. The Immaculate Trouser

          As a married Hispanic quadroon male, I think my dangling bits, ethnicity, race and marital status are always relevant to the conversation — don’t you?

    2. Zeb

      Even if you are bad at math, I’d think you would realize that knowing about how much your payment will be is a good thing to figure out before getting a mortgage.

      1. Rich

        “But they *said* I could afford it!”

        1. robc

          Speaking of that, when I was shopping for my first house, also a condo, I laughed when the bank told me how much loan they would give me. It was twice what I was looking for. Its more than my current house is worth.

          And this was 1998.

          1. Brett L

            Yeah. I had a good realtor who is an old family friend tell me to ignore that and never, for god’s sake, pay more than 3x my current gross annual salary (no matter how much I thought it would go up) for a house.

            1. kinnath

              My house it just past 2x of my gross. Through in my wife’s salary, and our house well under 2x of our combined gross.

              1. Brett L

                Well, my house is now worth less than 2x what I made then. I owe about 2x what I make now.

            2. Andrew S.

              I bought a house for around 2.25x the combined gross salaries of my wife and myself (just under 3x my gross salary). I was told I could go higher — much higher, because my salary was surely going to go up. This was in 2008.

              Within a year, she no longer had a job, we had a baby, and my salary was cut 10% (it’s just now made it back to where it was in 2008). I’m glad I didn’t listen to other people, because I don’t know how I would’ve been able to afford the amount of house I was told I could buy.

            3. waffles

              What if you live in California? There’s no way these people living in $300,000+ homes can have incomes that high.

              1. robc

                And lots of CAians struggle to pay the mortgage.

        2. Red Rocks Rockin

          “Suzanne researched this!”

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPIxrzmatq0

      2. Isaac Bartram

        In fairness, she’s admitting she fucked up and says she’s learned a lesson.

        It’s refreshing to read an article by someone who’s not whining (even more, someone who appears to accept responsibility for what happens to her).

        1. Brett L

          Agreed.

  12. Rich

    Beretta should apply for asylum to Russia.

  13. …President Obama suggests that it’s OK to snoop on Europe because the Germans and French are doing the same thing to us.

    Honestly, if those dipshits aren’t spying on us and didn’t know we’re spying on them, then they’re dumber than I thought. Which they aren’t. They knew we were spying on them. This outcry is an attempt at leverage.

    1. Rrabbit

      Of course quite a few German politicians knew. Back when the West German Constitution was passed more than 60 years ago, the Allies enforced various secret agreements which overruled that Constitution. Subsequent German Chancellors had to sign off on those secret agreements.

      This included vast rights for the Allies to spy on Germans. There was a large ECHELON installation in Bad Aibling, Bavaria.

      A detailed study, Josef Foschepoth: ?berwachtes Deutschland. Post- und Telefon?berwachung in der alten Bundesrepublik (in German) describes various details of these secret agreements.

  14. Brett L

    Airline to drop male flight attendants. Sorry about the slide show.

    1. jesse.in.mb

      Phew, not Lufthansa.

    2. Poor Jesse. :-p

  15. Archduke Trousersenthusiast

    J-Lo, J-Lo, J-Lo

    1. Bam!

      “Jennifer Lopez under fire for serenading wealthy dictator”

      I thought it was Beyonce who sang to Obama.

      1. Brandon

        It should say “Unpopular wealthy dictator.”

        1. I thought it was Beyonce who sang to Obama.

  16. A Serious Man

    Due process of law lets rapists roam the streets.

    The rapist pretended to be part of Tron’s group at a Brooklyn bar?she didn’t recognize him but just assumed that he was a friend of a friend?and then kidnapped Tron by luring her into his car to do a bump of cocaine. Once she was in his car, he locked the doors and drove off…He took her to his apartment, beat her up and raped her, and then chased her when she did escape.

    What is this world coming to when a woman can’t get into the car of a stranger to snort coke and not have something bad happen?

    Eventually, a lot of that stuff was thrown out, but this sort of thing was enough to scare the other victim into dropping out of the case. Even though Tron hung in, they ended up throwing her case out: “They apparently thought I hadn’t fought back enough and I wasn’t bruised enough and I didn’t go to the police soon enough.”

    Because of this, there’s probably a rapist still wandering around Brooklyn, hanging around groups of people in bars, and picking off women to kidnap and rape. And now he knows that the system is built for him to keep right on going.

    Yes, it is designed to keep innocent people out of prison by granting the accused due process.

    1. A Serious Man

      Also, notice how she takes the accuser’s conjecture of why the DA didn’t press on with the case at face value rather than do some actual reporting and find out why.

      Turns out the case must have been seriously flawed because they couldn’t get a grand jury to indict the alleged rapist.

    2. kinnath

      I saw the link at Slate and decided to skip it. It was as bad as I expected.

    3. It’s OK to destroy the rule of law if you’re politically unpopular enough.

      That’s bound to end well.

  17. Archduke Trousersenthusiast

    Idiots following idiots

    FAIRBANKS, Alaska ? A second set of hikers this summer have had to be rescued after trying to reach a famed abandoned Fairbanks city bus in the Alaska wilderness, after the book and movie “Into the Wild” made the remote bus famous.

    1. Brandon

      The first guy who did it, and about whom “Into the Wild” was written, died. Did they not read all the way through? Or are they just that stupid?

      1. In their defense, the guy died despite having a map that showed him how to save himself (and needing only to hike an extra .25 miles downriver to do so).

        Basically, a little bit of planning would guarantee that one could avoid the fate of the guy who died – starving to death despite an abundance of game and forage available.

        1. Brandon

          I’m not faulting him, he was fairly nuts. I’m faulting the idiots who followed him and had to be rescued due to their own idiocy and poor planning.

    2. Apatheist ?_??

      The main character in the movie was infuriating, it wasn’t inspiring at all. (Yes I read the book first but it wasn’t as enraging somehow)

      1. RickC

        Maybe you were just feeding off Sean Penn’s angst or something.

      2. Krakauer’s personal asides in Into the Wild were far more irritating.

        And you may want to read Anatoly Boukreev’s The Climb for the point of view of the people on the other side of Into Thin Air.

        1. Apatheist ?_??

          Pocketed for later, I enjoyed reading Into Thin Air as a teenager.

        2. Apatheist ?_??

          I guess the movie angered me more because I read the book at 12 or so and saw the movie at 20. All I saw was a narcissistic piece of shit who deserved to die.

    3. Tejicano

      The original character from “Into the Wild” died because he had been ingesting a plant which had a chemical that inhibits the human metabolism from digesting and absorbing proteins. So even though he had enough meat to eat his body could do very little with it and he starved to death. Near the end he was probably too weak to think straight.

  18. Archduke Trousersenthusiast

    Did anyone see the tires blowng up at Silverstone yesterday? Will Pirelli respond proper, or will we have a boycott similar to Indy 2005?

    1. db

      I like what Noted Commentator Bessie Adams has to say over at USA Today.

    2. NeonCat

      Yes, but what I don’t understand is why since they apparently were using the same tires they’ve been using the entire season.

      1. Archduke Trousersenthusiast

        Pirelli changed the bonding agent a bit.

  19. The Immaculate Trouser

    More Deep Thinking from our favorite feminist:

    Gov. Rick Perry petulantly called another special session to pass a massive anti-abortion bill, basically giving up any pretense of using the special sessions for what they were created for, emergencies. Obviously, the hope is that by returning to the same well over and over again, Texas Republicans can just wear out pro-choicers and get this massive bill, which will shut down 37 out of 42 abortion clinics in the state, passed. But what do we say to death (of our pro-choice dreams)? Not today.

    I had no idea Amanda was pro-life.

    Adding it up, therefore, the cost of getting an abortion if you live in West Texas and have to drive to San Antonio[…] comes in around $1,010. Based on the median pay of an American worker, that’s 1 and a half weeks of work, not counting the four days lost wages. However, women who get abortions are more likely to be low income, so it’s probably a much bigger chunk of their budget.

    Perhaps these women could avail themselves of cheaper alternatives. Or, you know, abstinence.

    1. Zeb

      Still a lot less than having a dependent child for 18 years. Though I’m sure she thinks these low income women are also entitled to have everyone else pay for that as well.

  20. Archduke Trousersenthusiast

    If you really don’t want to dress up and play an extra in the movie of the bride and groom’s special day, just stay at home

    1. Rich

      A wedding is one of those occasions when you’re only there for the sake of someone else ? the happy couple ? and so it is my firm belief that wedding guests should follow whatever instructions the bride and groom issue.

      I hope Warty invites you to *his* wedding.

      1. Archduke Trousersenthusiast

        Warty’s “wedding” isn’t legal in Ohio (yet)

      2. Warty

        I had a wedding once. It was delicious.

      3. lap83

        It’s amazing to me that some people have the gall to just invent “etiquette” that basically encourages people to be assholes. Even Miss Manners doesn’t have the patience for high maintenance selfish brides. She had a recent column about the trend of weddings as fundraisers, actually.

        http://www.mercurynews.com/bay…..undraisers

    2. Outlaw

      Fuck that. Free booze!

  21. A Serious Man

    Nuclear bombs save elephants!.

    The atmospheric carbon left over from nuclear bomb testing could help scientists track poached ivory, new research has found.

    These bomb tests changed the level of carbon in the atmosphere, which can be traced to date elephant tusks.

    Trafficking poached ivory is increasingly being used to fund civil wars, groups warn.

    Scientists say the findings, published in PNAS, could make it easier to enforce the ivory ban.

    The number of elephants being poached is now at the highest it has been for two decades, according to a UN backed report.

  22. Archduke Trousersenthusiast

    The Vancouver Canucks blew it

    1. Nazdrakke

      Blowing it is what they do.

      As a Flyers fan I am warmed by my commonality of experience with my west Canadian brothers and sisters.

  23. Brett L

    Run, puppy! GTFO of the road!

    On a more serious Tour de France note, they’ve obviously solved the PED problem:
    Belgian Jan Bakelants won Sunday’s stage by one second and now owns the yellow jersey. It was the 27-year-old’s first pro win after being sidelined by injuries and accidents over the past few years. Bakelants, who had knee surgery earlier this year, was elated as he put on the yellow jersey.

    If you can come back from surgery in less than six months to win a stage, any stage at your sport’s most competitive event, you’re probably doping.

    1. Brandon

      Doping? Or HGH-ing? I fail to see how doping helps heal faster, and as someone who is now 4 months out from a shoulder reconstruction, yeah, muscle weakness should still be a significant problem for that dude.

      1. Zeb

        I think they consider HGH doping.

        1. Brett L

          They consider the steroids in many OTC diaper rash creams doping.

          1. Brandon

            They do? I thought “Doping” was specifically EPO, or other substances that boost your red blood cell count.

            1. Brandon

              Maybe I just inferred this because “Doping” was never used to refer to Barry Bonds or any other baseball players. I thought that meant “doping” was distinct from steroids.

            2. Brett L

              Oh, sorry. I can see how that would make sense. I meant it as far as failing a drug test. I may be the non-standard one.

            3. Zeb

              I think that is what they used to call “blood doping”. But now they call any drug that can increase performance or speed healing and training “doping”. Kind of like how drug warriors call all fun drugs “narcotics”.

    2. Jerry on the boat

      Well Sagan is still doing fine after his crash.

    3. Warty

      Every single competitor in the Tour De France is 100% clean, just like all the competitors in The World’s Strongest Man cleaned up. The age of drugs is past, dude. Nobody wants to see doped-up supermen doing superhuman things anymore.

      1. Zeb

        I do. In fact I think elite athletes should be encouraged to juice it up as much as possible. I want to see the absolute limits of human potential.

        1. Brett L

          I’ll just leave this here.

        2. RickC

          I thought the guy who juiced and curled until his bicep exploded was awesome!

        3. Warty

          Well, then you’re certainly abnormal. Me, I want to see average chubby dudes doing unimpressive feats in a slow and awkward way. In fact, I’m only interested in the Regular Guy Olympics.

        4. Red Rocks Rockin

          Would the “absolute limits” of human potential be confirmed by the use of synthetic pharmaceuticals, or would simple biological evolution be sufficient?

          1. Zeb

            I don’t have time for evolution.

  24. Brandon

    I did this last year, and it worked out well. I’m going to Mexico for vacation in 3 weeks, and I need some suggestions for my reading list. I have Catch-22, and the second Dune book so far. I want something funny. Give me what you’ve got.

    1. Episiarch

      John Dies at the End is horror comedy if you like that kind of thing.

      1. Brandon

        That was one of the suggestions last year. It was ok, not great. The Panama Laugh was better.

        1. Episiarch

          Fine; try Christie Malry’s Own Double-Entry.

          1. Brandon

            There’s a character called the Shrike. I don’t know, it may be too obnoxious to read.

    2. JEP

      The Cat Who Walks Through Walls
      – Heinlein, I found it quite funny

      1. Brandon

        Thanks.

    3. califernian

      Pahlaniuk’s Survivor is hilarious and awesome.

      1. Brandon

        Thanks.

    4. Brett L

      Ready Player One if you’re a gamer and older than 25.

      1. Brandon

        On the list.

    5. NeonCat

      The Sandman Slim novels by Richard Kadrey.

      1. Brett L

        This is a good one. Although they suffer from the Urban Fantasy flaw. [Basically by the 3rd or 4th novel in a UF series the protagonist has become the most powerful thing in all creation because they’ve had to level up to beat ever more bad-ass foes. Harry Dresden is probably the worst example, much as I liked the series.] Basically, enjoy the first couple but be ready to jump off the series.

        1. NeonCat

          Yes, but it doesn’t stop Stark from getting the shit beat out of him from time to time.

      2. Brandon

        These are going on the list.

    6. Archduke Trousersenthusiast

      King Leary made me laugh.
      But it’s Canadian, so your mileage may vary.

      1. Brandon

        Shouldn’t that be “Kilometreage?”

      2. Brandon

        I got as far as “Hockey” in the description.

    7. RickC

      I’ll just throw out Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe. Both movies sucked but the novel was hilarious.

      1. Bobarian

        It’s “Galaxy” not “Universe” you uncultured paltroon!

        ARGHH!!

        NERD… RAGE… GROWING!!!

    8. Brandon

      Has anyone here read Lamb? It is the funniest thing I’ve read in years, but I had never heard of Christopher Moore before that. Has anyone read any of his other books?

    9. jesse.in.mb

      I’ve enjoyed the Peter Grant series by Ben Aaronovitch. It’s light-weight urban fantasy.

      It’s a cop who’s a wizard in training. It does a better job of toying with the tensions between those two roles than Grimm does.

      1. robc

        Grimm seems a little too pro-cop for my tastes.

        I mean, we know what cops in the northwest are really like.

        1. jesse.in.mb

          I mean, we know what cops in the northwest are really like.

          Haha, true. The only reason Grimm works at all is because the main character sucks at being the main character, which lets the supporting cast carry the show. I don’t think it’s intentional, but it works.

          1. Episiarch

            Grimm sounds like a goofy version of Supernatural. Is it any good?

            1. jesse.in.mb

              Good, yes. Great, no.

              It started out kinda wobbly and then found it’s footing, but it’s tripped a few times. They dragged on one of the major story arcs for way too long.

    10. The Last American Hero

      The Martian.

    11. db

      You might enjoy Heinlein’s Job: A Comedy of Justice. It is full of humorous moments.

    12. PapayaSF

      For funny it’s hard to beat P.G. Wodehouse.

      “Honoria, you see, is one of those robust, dynamic girls with the muscles of a welter-weight and a laugh like a squadron of cavalry charging over a tin bridge.”

      —–

      “At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.”

      —–

      ‘Do you know,’ said a thoughtful Bean, ‘I’ll bet that if all the girls Freddie Widgeon has loved were placed end to end?not that I suppose one could do it?they would reach half-way down Piccadilly.’

      ‘Further than that,’ said the Egg. ‘Some of them were pretty tall.’

      —–

      “And she’s got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.”

    13. The Thought Gang

  25. Archduke Trousersenthusiast

    Bodyhacking.

    1. This is how the Borg started.

    2. Bobarian

      Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch.

      By Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett is damn good.

      1. jesse.in.mb

        I second Good Omens.

  26. A Serious Man

    Judge dismisses First Amendment lawsuit against teaching yoga in public schools. Yoga is apparently not a religious activity despite all that spiritual clap trap.

    1. Rich

      The district hopes that teaching yoga to students will decrease instances of bullying

      What if your *religion* is bullying?

      1. The district hopes that teaching yoga to students will decrease instances of bullying

        “Anti-bullying” is such a buzzword these days that people will call anything anti-bullying.

        1. Eduard van Haalen

          Huey Long warned us that when bullying came to this country, it would be called anti-bullying.

    2. Bam!

      Math. Teach math, you dumb fucks.

      Wasting energy on yoga.

      1. Math. Teach math, you dumb fucks.

        This was my first thought too.

        There are many reasons why they shouldn’t teach yoga in school, but because it’s forcing religion on someone ain’t one of ’em.

    3. Zeb

      Yoga can be a religious practice, but usually in the US it is just an exercise program. And a rather good one too.

      1. DJF

        Except I never see anyone smile when they do it. They all look so serious.

        1. Brett L

          Really? The place I went, the owner/teacher used to crack jokes all the time, including, “its alright to smile in yoga”. But she’s just an awesome person who happens to own a yoga studio.

    4. jesse.in.mb

      Yoga=Christmas

      If atheists are going to get up in arms about Christmas in the schools, Christians are playing fair by wigging out about yoga in the schools. They’re both religious in origin and largely secular in practice.

      1. A Serious Man

        At least they should have to rename it “Kinetic Stretching Activity” or some such bullshit since schools have to rename Christmas-related activities “Winter Festival” or whatever.

        1. jesse.in.mb

          I don’t think Christmas should have to be renamed either, but I probably would’ve introduced the class as pilates or calisthenic stretching in the first place to avoid the inevitable stupid brouhaha.

          1. Red Rocks Rockin

            I don’t think Christmas should have to be renamed either

            I was in first grade in the early 80s when our school did this, and even back then I thought it was stupid. We all knew why we were getting the time off, and it wasn’t for Hanukah.

            I think that was my first-ever exposure to political correctness, and things haven’t gotten any better since then.

      2. The Immaculate Trouser

        Pretty much. The sonorous bores in both camps would make a cultural wasteland of the US if they had their way; there’s far too much that is secular and/or Christian-inspired to really avoid the one or the other without making yourself miserable.

        Hell, one could argue that secularism itself stemmed from Christianity or certain Christian-inspired ethics.

      3. Zeb

        They’re not playing fair with those of us atheists who like Christmas and Yoga. Dickheads on both sides want to ruin it for everyone.

  27. A Serious Man

    A specter is haunting Texas, the specter of women boycotting sex with men over politics.

    Sultry, sweaty summers can be made much nicer when good old-fashioned sex is part of the picture. But women, take heed: Don’t give in if your man, boyfriend, husband, toyboy is not voting for your best interests, your reproductive health — do not sleep with that man! I don’t care how cute or charming he is! I don’t care if he is your husband of many years. Resist! Go swimming! Meditate!

    Do not make him dinner, do not go fetch him a cold beer from the fridge, do not iron that shirt, hell, do not change that diaper… do not make his life a little nicer this summer if he does not “get it” and learn to respect women! Instead, volunteer some time for senators like Wendy Davis, go with a group of women to Austin and make your voices heard. Get on the computer and the social networks and organize.

    Remember that you live in a state where it would not be unusual (and I have seen it) to see a bumper sticker on a pickup truck which reads, “My Wife Yes, My Dog Maybe, My Gun Never.” Remember what happened last time when a Texas good ole boy governor took that patriarchy all the way to become President of the United States. Stop the damage now and take back Texas.

    1. Bam!

      Sounds like somebody needs a Gibbs slap.

    2. Brett L

      Do not make him dinner, do not go fetch him a cold beer from the fridge, do not iron that shirt, hell, do not change that diaper

      Who is this sexist?

      1. Outlaw

        One that uses degrading terms like “toyboy.”

    3. Warty

      These poor miserable people.

    4. Metazoan

      But the vast majority of women doing this will probably not be with anyone, anyway…

    5. jesse.in.mb

      Umm so somebody read Lysistrata?

      1. Episiarch

        I doubt it, jesse. I seriously doubt they’re reading Aristophanes.

        1. jesse.in.mb

          So they’re just 2400-someodd years late to the game. Well done folks.

      2. Tejicano

        The first time somebody told me about that story I laughed out loud.

        Withhold sex from a group of warriors and they would become so mean you would never stop them. Then they would just rape everything they could find in the conquered lands.

        The idea is ludicrous on its face.

    6. califernian

      That’s how prohibition got passed.

      1. Bobarian

        Mistake number 1 – 19th Amendment.

    7. JEP

      Can’t remember where I first read this, but some author has a quote advocating not sleeping with people who don’t own books.

      In other words, if you go back their place for some “coffee” and you don’t see book shelves, books on the nightstand, etc. Don’t sleep with them.

      I told this to one of my friends, and he told me the next week that he had actually done it – just walked out of a girl’s apartment because she didn’t read.

      This seems like a better policy than withholding sex just because of political differences.

      1. Brett L

        I’ve chosen not to go back due to a lack of books. Although the Kindle revolution makes this hard on the under 25 crowd.

        1. JEP

          Yeah, Kindles are an issue. I still prefer the physical books, but I use a Kindle when I travel because I never know what I’m going to want to read.

          Of course, this is assuming that you’ve actually had a few conversations before you find yourself in a position to see if they own books – so you can always glean from the conversation if they read occasionally.

    8. NeonCat

      From Not Always Romantic:

      A Hands-On Relationship
      Grocery Store | Fayetteville, NC, USA | Fights/Breakups, Golden Years

      (I am working, and a couple come into my aisle. They are arguing quite loudly.)

      Woman: “That’s it; you are sleeping on the couch tonight!”

      Man: “That’s perfectly fine, dear; my hand is better in bed than you are anyway.”

      (It takes all I have not to burst out laughing in the middle of the aisle.)

      1. Tejicano

        There’s a man who can handle himself!

    9. Apatheist ?_??

      My wife was invited to protest up in Austin by several of her friends who apparently have nothing better to do. I will be getting a home cooked meal instead but I can serve the cold beer myself!

    10. The Immaculate Trouser

      “A sex strike, sometimes called a sex boycott, is a strike, a method of non-violent resistance in which one or multiple persons refrain from sex with their partner(s) to achieve certain goals. It is a form of temporary sexual abstinence. Sex strikes have been used to protest many issues, from water resources to employment equity.” (Wikipedia)

      Evidently, quoting large blocks of a Wikipedia page is the standard that HuffPo has set for its syndicated bloggers.

      That’s “internet journalism” for you.

      1. Eduard van Haalen

        How about “don’t sleep with a man who might put you in a position where you would be tempted to kill your own children rather than be with him.”

  28. Archduke Trousersenthusiast

    The Science of “Breaking the Seal“

    1. Rich

      Not what I expected. 😉

    2. Apatheist ?_??

      Makes sense, there are a lot of drinking truisms that can be boiled down to “there’s just more alcohol in your system, it’s not magic.”

  29. Fatty Bolger

    “Children Are Dying”

    Special report: Because of nationwide shortages, Washington hospitals are rationing, hoarding, and bartering critical nutrients premature babies and other patients need to survive. Doctors are reporting conditions normally seen only in developing countries, and there have been deaths. How could this be allowed to happen?

    How indeed? It takes several pages and a couple of swipes at drug companies before we find out the real culprit:

    A 2012 report by the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform places much of the blame on the FDA. The report says that because the agency ramped up inspections and sent a flurry of warning letters, “four of America’s five largest manufacturers of generic injectable products” simultaneously shut down 30 percent of their manufacturing capacity.

    FDA officials have responded that the increase of warning letters was only a “modest fluctuation” that didn’t correlate with the dramatic increase in shortages.

    Valerie Jensen of the FDA says the current nutrient shortages were caused mainly by one manufacturer shutting down. But records show that the number of warning letters related to drugs and biologics nearly doubled between 2009 and 2010, from 34 to 60, before falling to 48 the next year. The recent surge in shortages began in 2010.

    1. Fatty Bolger

      cont.

      Manufacturers are reluctant to talk. APP Pharmaceuticals, which produces calcium gluconate, sodium phosphate, and magnesium sulfate, and American Regent, which makes several IV nutrients currently in shortage, both declined to comment for this article.

      “There’s no upside to our guys talking about that,” says a spokesperson for a manufacturers’ association. “Even if the FDA’s doing something terrible, we can’t criticize them. They regulate us. There’s not one cause of drug shortages. But if you call the FDA, they’ll say it’s our fault.”

      1. Brett L

        I saw that. Fuck the FDA.

        Even if the FDA’s doing something terrible, we can’t criticize them. They regulate us. There’s not one cause of drug shortages. But if you call the FDA, they’ll say it’s our fault

        Translation: Why in the fuck would we be able to deliver them to every other first world nation in full supply but not the US? Oh, the Fucking Die Already people.

        1. One of the greatest things about no longer working in the pharmaceutical industry is the fact that I no longer have to shake hands with FDA inspectors and treat them politely rather than kicking the mass murderers in the crotch the way they deserve (with steel toed workboots, repeatedly)

  30. The Immaculate Trouser

    “That’s not what we’re doing. We want to give men the option of going into a clean toilet,” he told Sveriges Television (SVT).

    The enigma that is Swedish politics.

  31. A Serious Man

    Interesting: Hallmark to start creating greeting cards for the terminally ill.

    1. Brett L

      “Sorry you’re fucked. I’ll ‘take care’ of your widow.”

    2. Episiarch

      I can has cheezburger should get in on that.

      1. “Hai! Sorry ur gonna dai!”

    3. Brandon

      Is “Greeting card” really the proper name in that situation?

    4. Rich

      “You’re looking ……. Well.”

    5. NeonCat

      “Well, we all die sooner or later anyway.”

      “At least you don’t have to worry about saving for retirement.”

    6. robc

      Its sucks you are dying, please put my in your will!

      1. robc

        Me, dammit, me!

        1. Brett L

          Quality testing your product today, eh?

          1. robc

            Had a Founder’s Red Rye about 3, now that you mention it.

    7. “May this card be yet another reminder that you’re running out the clock.”

    8. A Serious Man

      “So about that $100 you owe me…”

    9. db

      “I just heard the News…

      You’ve always had the most impressive firearms collection.”

  32. A Serious Man

    New York couple sue kindergarten after allegedly being duped into paying $50,000 for a finger painting done by children.

    1. Anonymous Coward

      A little more information:

      The Heinemann’s believe the school rigged the auction by having a first-grade teacher, “Ms. Bryant,” drive up the bill to $50,000. Because the Heinemann’s were out of town, and had given instructions to a proxy to be the highest bid, they believed the largest possible damage for a finger painting (which are priceless) would fall around $3,000. But Ms. Bryant desperately wanted that finger painting and drove up the price to that ridiculous figure.
      “This is essentially a painting done by 5-year-olds,” explained a source to The Post. The Heinemann’s son was involved in helping make the piece of art.

      It sounds to me as if this proxy did exactly what they asked and they failed to tell their agent that they were only willing to pay $3,000.

      Dismiss the case, tell them sorry about their damn luck, leave more specific instructions next time.

      1. Eduard van Haalen

        I should say *different* instructions.

    2. Brandon

      Caveat Emptor. There is not a sympathetic person in that story.

    3. B.P.

      $39,000 tuition for a year of kindergarten?

  33. Andrew S.

    The guy in San Diego who was facing 13 counts of vandalism for drawing with chalk outside of a Bank of America has been acquitted.

    1. robc

      Where is our neo-Tulpa who was defending the prosecutors?

  34. Archduke Trousersenthusiast

    Following

    Jose Canseco ?@JoseCanseco
    hey @justinbieber don’t try to grow up too fast

  35. A Serious Man

    Rand Paul on amnesty opponents: ‘Do they want us to put them in concentration camps?‘

    Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) may have voted against the Senate’s “Gang of Eight” immigration reform bill last week, but he seemingly does not count himself among the conservative critics of the bill who oppose any and all forms of “amnesty” for illegal immigrants currently living inside the United States.

    In an interview with WNDtv, Sen. Paul took on the critics of so-called “amnesty” who oppose efforts to “normalize” illegal immigrants and absorb them into the United States. “Let’s get them work visas, let’s normalize them, let’s make them taxpayers,” he said of the 11 million undocumented immigrants currently residing within the states.

    “They’re not going home,” Paul said, adding that even the most vocal opponents of so-called “amnesty” seem to recognize this fact. “Are they for sending these people home? Do they want us to put them in concentration camps, on buses, and send them back home? I don’t think anyone’s proposing that.”

    Paul also addressed the common anti-immigration belief that undocumented workers “steal” low-paying jobs from America’s labor pool. “I haven’t met any farmers who say Americans will pick crops,” he said.

    Has he articulated the reason why he is against the bill?

    1. robc

      Because the bill was unreadable and full of pork and bullshit?

      1. Anonymous Coward

        You mean you have trouble reading thousands of pages of text that full of pork and alterations to the US code?

        You must be some kind of illiterate, low-information, Fox News lover, or something.

      2. Because the bill was unreadable and full of pork and bullshit?

        Yes and no.

        Though there’s all manner of pork in that POS, he kept going on about some bullshit about there not being enough assurances in the bill that there would be adequate “border security.” He is specifically adamant on a double wall going along the entire border.

    2. db

      Only illegal Americans will pick the legal crops and the legal Americans will only pick the illegal crops.

    3. Isaac Bartram

      “They’re not going home,” Paul said…

      Actually, this is not true. Historically, Mexicans came to the US to make higher wages and returned home when they had saved up enough. In fact until the border was tightened up they went back in between times.

      1. VG Zaytsev

        Mexicans are a small percentage of the overall illegal immigrant community.

  36. Archduke Trousersenthusiast

    What did you do on your Summer vacation?

  37. Archduke Trousersenthusiast

    Jimmy Carter tells Paula Deen: ‘Make apologies‘

    1. Outlaw

      Y’all niggas want some pie?

    2. NeonCat

      How many times does one have to apologize? Atlanta Mayor Kasim Reed opined that she needed to apologize over and over again. Does she need to visit every person in America and apologize to them personally?

      1. Eduard van Haalen

        Either one sincere apology or a whole bunch of fake ones – they both add up the same, I guess.

    3. Fatty Bolger

      Jimmy Carter should start apologizing for foisting himself on America and not stop until the day he’s dead.

    4. Anonymous Coward

      Jimmy Carter has four years worth of being president to apologize for.

  38. Apatheist ?_??

    Prudie thinks 2-3 glasses of wine an evening is an alcohol problem.

    1. Fatty Bolger

      Depends on the size of the glass and how much she weighs.

  39. Andrew S.

    Going to Chicago for the 4th of July long weekend. Never been there before. Suggestions of what I should do welcomed.

    Difficulty: With a 4 year old.

    1. db

      Buy body armor and an armored stroller.

    2. Brandon

      The Museum of Science and Industry. Awesome train exhibit. And a strong libertarian slant!

      1. PapayaSF

        Walk through the U-505!

        1. Brandon

          Dammit. I did not know about that. It’s been too long since I’ve been to Chicago, apparently.

        2. Tejicano

          I did that when I was 8 – many decades ago – and have never forgotten it. Can’t recommend it more.

          1. 21044

            me too, probably five decades ago give or take a year or two, but still remember it well.

    3. Warty

      Hot Doug’s

      Or go have some burgers named after metal bands. SLAYER

  40. Archduke Trousersenthusiast

    Wimbledon terrors continue

    1. Episiarch

      Awesome; the more upsets the better. Though I do sort of hope Andy Murray wins.

  41. Religious fanatics set up extremist website encouraging the public harrassment of apostates by publishing their photos and personal information:

    Extremist Site Shames Ex-Vegan ‘Traitors’ for Carnivorous Cravings

    1. NeonCat

      “So, I heard you like to eat meat. And by that I mean that you like to? eat meat.”

    2. Salvatore

      Do you like hot italian sausage? Kuz I am a hot Italian. HEY!

  42. Mike M.

    The Obama family, on yet another taxpayer-funded vacation.

    Remember sequestration? No money for White House tours for school kids so they can learn about our literal houses of government. But we can spend millions of dollars for Barack Obama’s children to be flown by helicopter to visit the Robben Island Museum to learn about Nelson Mandela…

    Don’t all presidents make international trips requiring a huge entourage of security and staff? Certainly. Does the United States need to pay more attention to political problems in Africa? Absolutely.

    But then why has the adoring American mainstream media pretty much ignored the multi-week junket by the Obamas to Europe and Africa? Could it be because the president is doing little in the way of actual diplomacy and mostly schmoozing for the cameras and participating in photo ops?

    1. The Immaculate Trouser

      Does the United States need to pay more attention to political problems in Africa? Absolutely.

      Does it? I can’t remember the last time Africa mattered in American foreign policy, and “paying attention” often ends up meaning “funding, arming, and invading” in the political parlance of the day.

    2. Anonymous Coward

      When will you peasants learn that not a penny of spending can be cut from anything the federal government does?

    3. Tulpa (LAOL-VA)

      You could justify BO and his security going perhaps, but why the fuck is his family going with him? Is Michelle worried about him sampling some Bushman strange if she’s not there to keep an eye on him?

  43. Tulpa (LAOL-VA)

    With his options a little limited by U.S. intimidation of all of the decent countries around the world, Edward Snowden reportedly applied for asylum in Russia.

    Suuuuuuure. Which “decent countries” did he attempt to flee to? The first two stops on his itinerary were the most loathsome govts in the developed world, and not coincidentally the ones most interested in US security secrets.

    We’re supposed to believe that this guy, who cunningly planned for years to get a job with access to information on the spy program — no small feat, then DIDN’T plan out what he would do after he made the revelations? Or are we supposed to believe he was surprised by the administration’s reaction, and that more “decent” countries didn’t want to take him in?

    Something doesn’t add up. Either he’s a moron of epic proportions, or he planned to cash in on his knowledge with the Russkies and/or the Chinese from day one.

    1. VG Zaytsev

      Then why go public?

  44. Derpy Hooves

    And there’s no way that a single European country spies on the US. Not trying to defend either side here but come on, everybody spies on everybody, there’s no need to get so butthurt or pretend it’s any other way. It’s so patronizing.

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