Friday Funnies: SpiPhone

Henry Payne

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[Fist of Etiquette]

He downloaded the new iPhone app, BlackfaceTime.

[SIV]

“Feets don’ fail me now!”

[WTF]

^Fisty made me laugh.

The comic did not.

[Scarcity]

Agreed. FOE crushed Payne.

[Zakalwe]

No, that’s a stock Obama phone.

[Joe M]

“I don’t know nuthin’ ’bout violatin’ no rights!”

[Zakalwe]

Is this the laziest Friday Funny ever?

[LTC(ret) John]

Indeed it is… only one label!!!

/Bok

[Rich]

RACIST!

[0x90]

Marvin the Martian is NSA, and he’s trapped inside Raymond’s brother’s iPod…

[LTC(ret) John]

+1 Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator

[WTF]

Serves him right for buying an NSA phone.

[Bardas Phocas]

Is it as shitty as the Obama phone?

[Lord Humungus]

To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether ’tis Nobler in the mind to suffer
The Slings and Arrows of outrageous Fortune,
Or to take Arms against a Sea of trouble

[Fist of Etiquette]

Alas, poor Yorick.

[Almanian!]

I knew him well

[LTC(ret) John]

For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law’s delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a NSA Phone?

[Restoras]

You know noothin’, John Snow!

[Nephilium]

Not even how to spell Jon Snow…

[Arkansaustrian Economics]

I knew him, HORATIO.

[Longtorso, Johnny]

Sad thing is, Bok’s most recent contributions were so bad I was actually looking somewhat forward to a Payne cartoon.

As for the cartoon, where can I download the floppy tits app?

[Ted S.]

Here’s your floppy tits app.

[John Galt]

It’s funny because spiPhone sounds like iPone.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Pwned!

[WTF]

iPwned!

[Tim]

Who did you pone?

[Almanian!]

Corn. Corn Pone

[Bee Tagger]

That mulleted hockey player does not like the look of the new puck design one bit.

[Zakalwe]

Steve Jobs got some hair plugs and a nose job in heaven.

[LTC(ret) John]

Yeah, somebody tell Payne that the Kings are out as of last round.

[Bee Tagger]

Is the mobile carrier for that phone VerEyesOn US?

[LTC(ret) John]

Verspieson.

[db]

Jackboots Mobile

[Tim]

I heard a John McCain soundbite on the radio this morning. He’s so horny for war now that Obama has agreed to sell weapons. In case there’s any doubts, McCain says that we need to sell not just weapons but heavy weapons to stop tanks, shoot down planes. Plus a no fly zone and “take out” Assad’s airfields. Plus a Red Ryder lever action BB gun.

[PS]

Doesn’t McCain realize they’ll shoot their eyes out?

[DJF]

Could somebody please find a frozen light pole and dare McCain to lick it.

[DJF]

Has he released his latest song yet, Bomb, bomb, bomb bomb, bomb Syria?

[Almanian!]

A Red Ryder lever action BB gun??!!one! That could HURT someone!

*calls Child Protective Services*

[Tim]

Santa needs to promise him a crummy football and boot him down the slide.

[0x90]

“McCain says that we need to sell not just weapons but heavy weapons to stop tanks, shoot down planes. Plus a no fly zone and ‘take out’ Assad’s airfields. Plus a Red Ryder lever action BB gun.”

And that’s all I need, too! I don’t need one other thing!

Not one — I need this.

The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure!

[db]

Someone fuel up an old A4 Skyhawk, put McCain in the seat, and tell him to go do what he does best.

…get shot down behind enemy lines.

[WTF]

And then spend many years as a POW.

[Almanian!]

So the new App looks like when The Little Rascals did their variety show in the basement, and when they shut the lights off, all you could see were eyes, CAUSE THERE WERE A BUNCH OF BLACK KIDS IN THE AUDIENCE! Get it??!

Therefore, racist. I’d think someone writing for the Detroit News would know this, but apparently Payne’s one of those White Suburbanites? trying to steal the cities “jewels”.

So now we know where Payne’s racism comes from.

RACIST MUCH, PAYNE? Also, fried chicken, fuck California and ‘you know who else was a racist’.

[UnCivilServant]

Oh noes, Almanian! has caught a meme virus. Quick, we need to get him into treatment before he’s fully brain dead.

[SugarFree]

I’ve been extremely ill for two weeks. This is not helping.

[SIV]

Get well soon.

[SugarFree]

Thanks. I’m on the mend, swimming in an ocean of antibiotics.

Avoid having an ear infection spread to your salivary gland. Not only is it painful, the flavor is amazingly terrible.

[UnCivilServant]

Just thinking about it made me sick, thanks for the psychosomatic illness SF.

[John]

Get well soon. That sounds ghastly.

[Ted S.]

This is what happens when Warty rapes you in the ear.

Seriously, get well soon.

[SugarFree]

And I just realized that I came to work with my shirt on inside-out.

[invisible furry hand]

so despite your illness you remained fashion forward. Did I ever tell you you’re my heeeeeeeero?

[SugarFree]

Someone has to class this joint up.

[John]

Gonorrhea of the ear is often antibiotic resistant.

[LTC(ret) John]

Pretty good one, Ted… but everyone knows that nobody has survived a Warty Ear Rape.

[Zakalwe]

That wasn’t her ear you stuck your tongue in, friend.

[db]

That sounds awful. Have you found an appropriate bourbon pairing?

Get well soon!

[SugarFree]

***weak stomach trigger warning***

Brie rind with a hint of clotted blood. Occasional acrid notes, reminiscent of witch hazel.

[Tonio]

Get well soon, Sug. Ear infections are the worst.

At least it hasn’t affected your powers of description.

[Bones]

But laughing is good for the immune system. And this is the funniest thing ever! It’s brilliant and hilarious because of the unnecessary label. See, that’s comedy gold right there. This chap bought an NSA phone, see the label tells us that, so, omg this is so good. OK. So, the NSA spies on people, and this fellow bought an NSA phone. And the phone is looking right at him. Spying on him. See? His NSA phone is spying on him. Humor and junk. Why aren’t you laughing?

[LTC(ret) John]

A smile struggled to find its way to Sugarfree’s face. The effort so taxed him, a single tear began to pool under each bleary eye. “For Payne, I must laugh, for…Henry” he thought. But, alas, the effort was too much, and he slipped back into a light coma, dreaming of being pursued by a herd of leather Jackets.

~fin

[SugarFree]

Their zippers are shark teeth.

[UnCivilServant]

You explained the ‘joke’. Even if it were funny to begin with that act drains the humor from anything.

Now I have to go find some suffering to feed off of that won’t make me ill.

[Bones]

Wow, really?

[UnCivilServant]

Bear in mind, my sarcasm detector broke earlier this year and my sense of humor has been classed as a crime against humanity, so take anything I say with a grain of salt.

[Tonio]

“The squirrel is dead, that is why the joke is funny.”

[Gray Ghost]

You have been missed.

I am imagining the taste from an infection in my salivary system and it sounds even more unpleasant than the aggressive sinus infection I had in the past. About as bad as your bourbon match.

Best wishes that you get well soon.

[Rich]

That’s not a spiPhone.

It’s a WaterMelon Z10.

[sarcasmic]

So there’s this old couple who meet once a week to sit together at a park bench where she would discretely hold his penis. One day he doesn’t show. She returns the next week anyway, but after a month she figures he passed on. Then she finds him with another woman. Indignant, she demands “What does she have that I don’t have.” He smiles, looks her in the eye, and says “Parkinson’s.”

[Lord Humungus]

Mary with the shaky hand?