Super Bowl

An Easy Lesson on How to Get Libertarians to Rally Behind Justin Bieber (Briefly)

Demands that he waive his civil liberties to assist the authorities ought to do it.


Don't belieb what the police tell you
Credit: vnaylon / / CC BY-NC-ND

I've heard maybe one or two of Justin Bieber's songs, and the kid is clearly a piece of work who has not been properly raised, but I'll be damned if the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department hasn't made me feel a streak of protectiveness.

Bieber is in the crosshairs by his neighborhood and authorities for driving recklessly through his Calabasas neighborhood in his fancy Ferrari and otherwise acting like an entitled little shit. He had some sort of confrontation with former NFL player Keyshawn Johnson, and oh, my, God, I do not care about any of that and probably neither do you.

What is a concern, though, is how the sheriff's department is tackling the fact that Bieber is declining to answer their questions. Here's the message the sheriff's department wanted to pass along to him through the Los Angeles Times:

Sheriff's spokesman Steve Whitmore said it's time for him to tell his side of the story to investigators—rather than deny the allegations through is representatives.

"Mr. Bieber is making statements through others that he was not driving," Whitmore said. "If he wants to set the record straight, contact us for a sit-down, thorough interview. He has to ask himself this question, 'If you have nothing to hide, why not talk to us?'"

Because I guess he's rich and spoiled, but he's not stupid? Or, more likely, he has a lawyer who is not stupid who explained to him that he should never cooperate with the police under these circumstances. He's under investigation for a possible crime. Why on earth would he sit down and risk giving the sheriff's department even a shred of a quote that could be used before a jury looking to cut some celebrity down to size, especially one as loathed outside of his circle of fans as Bieber?

So as a service to any young Bieber fans who may be reading this because they are voraciously clicking on any Bieber-related link, take note: This is a trap. They are trying to trick Bieber into incriminating himself. Bieber isn't falling for it, but every year thousands of people who don't have lawyers on speed dial walk right into it.

Beliebers, take some time out from listening to "As Long As You Love Me" (thanks, YouTube autocomplete!) and watch this video by Regent Law School Professor James Duane on why you should never, ever talk to the police. Yes, it's a bit long, but it's almost the exact same length as Bieber's latest album, Believe:


The Fifth Amendment. It's not just for IRS employees.


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  1. Tell me again that bit about how libertarians will defend the rights of even those they detest.

    This is going to take a lot of convincing.

    1. I do not care about any of that and probably neither do you.

      Oh, but we do, Scott, we do!

    2. I just want to see Sister Bieber confront an NFL player. I’d pay $5 to see that.

      1. Brave Sir Bieber ran away.

  2. I’ve watched that entire video. It is a thing of beauty.

    And fuck you Shackford for making my sympathetic to the anti-christ of music.

    1. He’s a Juggalo?

      1. You know what was awesome? Bieber got booed at the Billboard awards and then whined like a little girl about what a valuable “artist” he was.

        Then Prince came out with an all girl band and burned the entire building to the ground from the sheer awesomeness of his art.

        You could not have framed everything wrong and right with music any better than that.

        1. SO, Bieber will be the superbowl halftime show next year then?

          1. They shouldn’t have done anymore Super Bowl halftime shows after the one Prince did. Game, set, match.

            Either that or just have him do it every year.

            1. Tman| 5.30.13 @ 6:03PM |#

              Either that or just have him do it every year.

              or The Annual Prince Bowl … with a football game during the intermission.

            2. You don’t like Prince, do you? Didn’t he change his name?

            3. Seriously.

              *Also, note to all tv personnel: They usually choreograph the entire thing to be seen AS the entire thing. So for the love of God stop with the camera focusing on one dancer when it’s really the spectacle. If I have to sit through these damn things at least make it fucking watchable so now you’re burning my years with horrible music and burning my eyes with horrible camera work/producing decisions. This goes for you Super Bowl, all Olympics, any fucking halftime anything fuck you.

              1. And yeah, Tman. 2 prince references in one thread. I’m not sure how I feel about that?

                1. Yeah but the main article is about fucking Bieber. The least we can do is bring up Prince for good measure.

                  1. I’ve seen a lot of sick things on this blog Tman, but an article about trying to fuck Beiber goes too far.

          2. Good point. If they want to make it even more awful than last year, they are probably going to have to take a serious look at Bieber.

    2. That’s no way to talk about Fred Durst.

      1. People still talk about Fred Durst in 2013? LOL

    3. I love that video,here’s another that has some situations.

      Check out the shit that happens to the old lady at 29 minutes in. Don’t fucking talk to the police.

  3. How to Get Libertarians to Rally Behind Justin Bieber

    Wha??? Nope, not happening.

    Beliebers, take some time out from listening to “As Long As You Love Me

    Listens…. hears crickets. Why? CAUSE THEY’RE AIN’T NO FUCKING BELIVERS HERE!

    why you should never, ever talk to the police

    You shouldn’t even be with firing range of them if you can at all avoid it.

  4. The 5th was devised for a reason, and Beiber is just as entitled to it as anyone else.

    That said, kid could use a couple of these.

  5. Its disgusting the sorts of people we have to associate with to protect our freedoms.

  6. Anyone else notice Keyshawn drives a Prius?

    1. Don’t all whiney ass entitle minded has beens, drive a Prius? Or is that just in public union land?

      1. Ochocinco has a prius.

  7. So, who comes up with all that crazy smack man?

  8. thanks, YouTube autocomplete!

    I find this less than Beliebable.

    1. OT: I saw that you tried a recipe in the PM links. I just got the recipe for Open Sesame’s garlic sauce. It is ridiculously easy to make if you have a food processor.


        In other news, I want that recipe.

        1. One of the chefs gave it to me, and then I found the exact same thing on the internet today:

          The only difference is that OS chef lets it sit in the fridge for 48 hours after mixing to mellow out the bite of raw garlic.

          I bought a food processor at Costco today and had a go with the recipe scaled back 75% (I don’t need to be eating a quart of this shit every week). It came out perfect on the first try.

          Zankou Chicken’s garlic sauce is almost the exact same except that they add in a little bit of peeled, boiled russet potato to texturize it.

          1. When I worked in a Lebanese restaurant everybody loved that shit. We made it exactly the same way, really simple. It’s really good on grilled meats.

            Customers would always be surprised that it was just garlic, lemon, and oil mixed in a food processor.

            1. I was surprised too. I assumed that it had something like mayonnaise, yogurt, or sour cream in it.

              I am on a huge mediterranean kick right now. I went to the biggest Greek festival in the US on Monday and had some amazing pork souvlaki. Probably one of my top 10 meals ever…

              1. Mediterranean food is awesome.

                My boss used to make roasted goat with grilled onions and tomatoes. He’d serve it with pilaf and a tomato sauce. That shit was awesome.

                If you ever see goat on a menu, I’d highly recommend it.

              2. I’m surprised I think someone at the restaurant told me it was essentially a garlic meringue. I’ll have to try making it.

                I’m trying to shift my diet in a Mediterranean direction, this’ll be a nice addition.

                Chicken Dijon uses potato too. I don’t like it as much as Open Sesame’s.

                1. I did a side by side tonight, and I am 100% sure that the recipe is right. They tasted identical. I think C. Dijon uses a little bit of parsley to take away some of the bite of raw garlic, as does C. Maison…

  9. I don’t understand how he committed a crime if it was on private property. I can drive drunk in my gated community if I want to. I am a 1/480th owner of the roads inside, and the vehicle code doesn’t apply…

    1. Even on private property, you are not allowed to run over other people with your car.

  10. Oh, I’m quite certain in a battle between the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department and the Beiber Machine, my boy Justin’s army of attorneys would mop the floor with whoever the hell is the sheriff.

    1. But would the mop the floor with the deputy?

  11. ‘If you have nothing to hide, why not talk to us?’

    “Because you’re from the government, and you’re here to help me.”

  12. Ya for the average joe, the copers would pretty much ignore neighbor complaints about reckless driving. BECAUSE THERE IS NO SOLID EVIDENCE. If the sheriffs were smart they would STFU and just set up an undercover cop with radar in the neighborhood. I would also bet that Beiber would spend 200k on a car but neglect the $500 radar detector.

    Actually seriously Beibs, get the latest escort detector and a Blinder M47 for the win player. Then you can drive like an asshole unchained.

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