Obama Doesn't Need Special Prosecutor for IRS, GOP Wants More Benghazi Docs, Your Children Shall Inherit the War on Terror: P.M. Links


    Credit: 350z33 / Foter.com / CC BY-SA

    In a rain-drizzled press conference today, President Barack Obama said there's no need for a special prosecutor to investigate the IRS targeting conservative nonprofits. He's just that angry that he will make certain that those who target his political enemies are appropriately punished.

  • The president also named senior budget aide Daniel I. Werfel as the new acting commissioner for the IRS.
  • The White House may have dumped 100 pages of e-mails about the administration's carefully crafted responses to the Benghazi attack, but Republicans want even more.
  • At a Senate hearing today, a Pentagon official said it will take another decade or two to defeat al Qaeda, so our children will be inheriting more than our massive financial debt and unsustainable entitlement programs.
  • In the Gaza Strip, with its tightly restricted access, an entrepreneur has created a thriving business smuggling in buckets of KFC.
  • A bit lost in yesterday's lengthy hearings: Attorney General Eric Holder announced some vague support for requiring warrants for the government to access people's private e-mails. Perhaps an evolution in position, but I would expect enough exceptions to make any laws toothless.
  • Marijuana might be useful in fighting diabetes. Somebody tell Michelle Obama.

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  1. …President Barack Obama said there’s no need for a special prosecutor to investigate the IRS targeting conservative nonprofits.

    Would he know if there even was a special prosecutor?

    1. Zing!

    2. Relevant interview with editor of The Atlantic…or Slate…

      1. MSNBC is going to need a replacement for Matthews. This character would fit the bill.

      2. Does this mean we’ve jumped the shark? When Jay Carney is taking his talking points from The Onion you know things are bad.

      3. We might get a clown of a special prosecutor who wouldn’t prove the obvious crimes supported by piles of evidence but might instead prove Obama creamed in the face of a TV talking head. Still, that might be an impeachable offense.

    3. He would once it was reported on television.

  2. Marijuana might be useful in fighting diabetes.

    But the side effect is Nightstick on Noggin Syndrome.

    1. So they were right – weed does cause brain damage!

    2. And kidnapped children.

  3. Marijuana might be useful in fighting diabetes. Somebody tell Michelle Obama.

    Somebody tell NutraSweet.

    1. Someone did this morning.

      1. Wake and bake?

        1. Huh? Somebody say sumthin’?

          1. NutraSweet’s not here, man.

              1. Oh yeah? Well why is mine on top, then? Huh?

                1. Sigh. Don’t you mean you wanted me to know first who it was who had beaten me?

          2. Pancreatic function’s not here, man.

      2. I’m still waiting for someone to tell us non-diabetics what this means for carb-cutting and weight loss.

        1. You need to take this issue by the balls and do some empirical research, you’re gonna need some friends who are willing to be a control group though.

          1. Why do you think I’m asking other people for this information? Gah.

            1. Which part got you, ‘control group’ or ‘friends’?

              1. The intersection of the two, of course.

                Actually, more the fact that the only people I’m friends with who would be willing to cut carbs would not be in the control group.

          1. Well, my question is, if pot smokers already have a better blood sugar situation going on, does that make carb-cutting-based weight-loss efforts less effective than among nonsmokers?

            1. That’s pretty nuanced and tough question but I’m pretty sure that jihad on carbs helps weight loss.

              I’m interested in how different diets would affect body composition (fat v. lean).

              If you ignore the goofy web design, I think this is about right.

            2. Try it for a year as a normal, and then go and eat SF’s pancreas to gain his ‘beetus powers and try again, see which one is more effective.

              1. Well it doesn’t work that way, jesse, I’m already doing it, this is just a way for me to be jealous of the better progress made by others.

                1. Well it doesn’t work that way

                  You won’t know until you’ve tried. That’s SCIENCE!

                  There are a few genetic factors that may be important if you’re working on weight loss, some people do better on a Mediterranean style diet than others, and how important exercise is compared to diet can be different based on genes.

  4. At a Senate hearing today, a Pentagon official said it will take another decade or two to defeat al Qaeda…

    Does it at least say what that defeat would look like?

    1. Osama Bin Laden, his arms clad in shimmering Samite shall rise out of the Pacific, march unto the deck of the USS Iowa and sign the surrender documents.

    2. Instead of chanting “Death to America” foreigners will chant “America could be worse”.

    3. Shaka, and the walls fell.

      1. Obama’s army with fists open.

        1. His drones, their payloads leashed.

  5. Keep trying to dig your way out of that whole Obama ol’ pal.

  6. The White House may have dumped 100 pages of e-mails about the administration’s carefully crafted responses to the Benghazi attack, but Republicans want even more.

    If it’s not a Friday afternoon, they haven’t released any of the good stuff.

  7. It will take forever to defeat AL Qaeda. Even if they defeat everything that is currently known as Al Qaeda, as long as there are still Muslims pissed off about the modern world, someone will take up the name and keep being a nuisance.

    1. It will take forever to defeat AL Qaeda.

      Exactly! Al Qaeda could stop this whole damn decades-long fight if they would just change their name already.

      1. We need to find whatever ad agency convinced Coke to switch to New Coke and get them to convince Al Qaeda to become New Qaeda. It will destroy them.

        1. Then we’ll just end up with Qaeda Classic.

        2. Okay fine we’re deep into the re-branding….how long before they are “Qaeda Zero” or dare we hope “Qaeda Clear”?

          1. Yeah, but most will want the “Original Formula”.

          2. Let’s just get some with real sugar instead of that HFCS.

      2. As long as their new name doesn’t have “patriot” or “tea party” in it, they should be fine.

      3. New Qaeda! Now with 72% less jihad!

        1. And our beards aren’t so itchy!

        2. New Qaeda! Now with 72% less jihad!

          So basically, Hezbollah, who have 12 MPs and 2 cabinet members in Lebanon.

  8. Sorry if this came up yesterday, but via Marginal Revolution, a new smart rifle that almost never misses. You guessed it, people are already calling for it to be banned.

    1. And yet they whine about people getting shot by stray bullets! One or the other!

    2. Yeah well, aimbot is for shitty players anyway.

    3. That looks awesome for deer hunting, not sure how practical it is for a fast moving target.

      1. All you would do is sweep through the target like you do in skeet shooting. The rifle would decide when to fire. It would probably work great.

        1. I would think this would take the sport out of it. May as well hire someone to shoot for you…preferably an orphan…while you polish your bloody monocle(s).

          1. Orphans are targets, not shooters. You train monkeys to be the shooters. Make it sporting.

      2. I would think constant velocity would be a breeze to hit; fast direction or acceleration changes probably less so.

      3. It’d take a lot of venison to make a $22,000 rifle worth it.

        1. That’s why I only recommend that rifle for hunting the most dangerous game, during the monthly Reason-sponsored safaris in Somalia.

    4. Auto-aim is for noobs and pussies.

  9. Attorney General announced some vague support for requiring warrants for the government to access people’s private e-mails.

    Are these the kinds of warrants the agents write themselves?

    1. How about instead of ONE spelled out on the back of a buck it just has a fill in the blank search warrant? It should save a lot of time and no one would say search warrants are worthless.

  10. Word is Holder is gonna be out soon and Devil Patrick is gonna take his place.

    1. Now that I can get behind. Gets him out of Massachusetts.

      1. He’s already fucked it over and he’s not running again anyway. I’d put money on Martha Cookley being up next.

        1. Yeah but it might end the tax hike BS. And Coakley’s doneski IMHO. Murray vs. Brown?

          1. I heard somewhere that Brown was considering it. I also heard somewhere that Murray wasn’t going to even try. I guess I wouldn’t be surprised to see them both in the race but I don’t know who would make the finals.

            1. Brown…as governor? How would that possibly work? He failed as a Senator, so he thinks he can switch over to the Executive branch and it will all be good? That is the asshole who gave us Senator Warren.

              1. It’s Massachusetts. We have no Republicans. He gets like 30% of the vote automatically in my mind. That’s non-trivial.

                1. Devil Patrick or Martha Crook-ly. Ha Ha. Good choices for the Obama Administration’s war on the people.

            2. Goddamnit, not another Kennedy!!

    2. Oh my God!

      Obama just is too chicken shit to actually fight the civil service! Deval doesn’t stand a chance.

    3. Get the fuck out of here. What?

        1. Jesus Christ. Though I wonder if Patrick would really be worse than Holder, who is a grade-A scumbag.

          1. Patrick is just a giant douche that everyone wants to punch. I don’t know if his scumbagitude can match Holder’s.

          2. “Holder is a close pal, and that’s a big deal in the White House,” said a top Dem source. “Holder is also a close buddy of Obama’s senior adviser Valerie Jarrett,” the source said. “Obama knows a change has to be made, but he wants Holder to leave with his reputation intact.”

            Emphasis added.

            If his reputation is intact, why would he be going?

            1. Oh, I’d say his reputation is intact.

              1. Beat me to it by :03

            2. Oh, his rep is intact alright. Not that it’s the one HE thinks it is.

            3. Isn’t he supposed to at least try to make it look like he’s looking for the best person to carry out the office, instead of just rewarding friends and loyalists with powerful positions like a fucking medieval pope?

          3. Patrick will flail around with his goofy smile, and the civil service will continue to rampage unimpeded.

            I must say, everytime I start to doubt my prediction that the U.S. Govt is doomed, its officers let me know that my prediction is very reasonable.

        2. I am ready to take large bets that Deval Patrick will not leave the Gubernorship of Massachusetts before his term is through.

    4. Well, that is a quite plausible outcome. At least the ditching the AG part.

    5. Devil Patrick is gonna take his place.

      Freudian slip, or a very subtle joke?

      1. Trust me, it was intentional. That’s what he’s known as in these parts.

  11. The president also named senior budget aide Daniel I. Werfel as the new acting commissioner for the IRS.

    Hopefully he’ll be a better IRS Commissioner than he was a pro quarterback.

    1. Bastard! Curse you P.M. links!

      (Got there first)

    2. Danny Wuerfel is a weird case. He threw very well in college. What happened?

      Hope he’s better in this new job.

      1. College defenses weren’t capable of exposing his noodle arm the way NFL defenses were. His Florida teams were so much better than their opposition, that they masked many of his deficiencies.

        1. He means Wuerffel, not Tebow.

        2. I saw him play. He was insanely accurate and hit the long ball as well as the slant. I think the NFL has warped QBs before for having unorthodox throwing motions. Heck, Tebow may be a case of that, too, who has pretty good statistics as a passing QB in the NCAA. Against SEC defenses.

          I’m trying to think of another example. Kosar, maybe?

  12. Rand quotes Spiderman

    Or, more accurately, Uncle Ben.

    1. Not bad. I have no doubt that the slimy shitweasel will implode eventually. What is really interesting to me is how will Paul fare in at that test?

    2. Do you mean Peter Parker has an uncle named Ben, or is Rand quoting the rice guy?

    3. Uncle Ben: famous for being one of the only fuckers in comic books who CAN’T come back to life

      1. He wasn’t really a character so much as a back story set piece.

  13. Well this is pretty fucking shitty.

    First milk, butter, coffee and cornmeal ran short. Now Venezuela is running out of the most basic of necessities ? toilet paper.

    Blaming political opponents for the shortfall, as it does for other shortages, the government says it will import 50m rolls to boost supplies.

    That was little comfort to consumers struggling to find toilet paper on Wednesday.

    [. . .]

    One supermarket visited by the Associated Press in the capital on Wednesday was out of toilet paper. Another had just received a fresh batch, and it quickly filled up with shoppers as the word spread.

    “I’ve been looking for it for two weeks,” said Cristina Ramos. “I was told that they had some here and now I’m in line.”

    Economists say Venezuela’s shortages stem from price controls meant to make basic goods available to the poorest parts of society and the government’s controls on foreign currency.

    State-controlled prices ? prices that are set below market-clearing price ? always result in shortages. The shortage problem will only get worse, as it did over the years in the Soviet Union,” said Steve Hanke, professor of economics at Johns Hopkins University.

    When will we ever learn that price controls don’t work? You know, because THEY HAVE NEVER WORKED IN HUMAN HISTORY.

    1. Hey, the could try the communal sponge on a stick.

      1. It’s a good day to own a Bidet!

      2. Ask Cheryl Crow for the solution.

    2. About the same time that we learn that socialism, with an equally stellar record, doesnt work.

    3. Given that the election may have been stolen this kind of pisses me off. Then again, this is what happens with socialism

    4. When will we ever learn that price controls don’t work? You know, because THEY HAVE NEVER WORKED IN HUMAN HISTORY.

      Why do you hate the children?!?!?!?


        If it does not work, then there must have been a conspiracy: the capitalists, the imperialist USA, the Bilderbergs, and Mr. Clean must have been behind this.

    5. I assume these people still have left hands and soap? Why can’t they just do what the rest of the civilized world does?

      1. Why can’t they just do what the rest of the civilized world does?

        What? Scoot along the carpet like the dog?

      2. What about us left handed people, huh?

        1. Left-handed?!? GET OUT.

          1. Damn it, Epi, we’re everywhere. You probably have family members who are left handed. We have Satanic powers and can force you to do things are no different from anybody else.

            1. This is Epi we’re talking about here; we don’t really need to use our sinister powers to force him to do awful things, he just does it naturally.

              1. Epi worked hard to be able to do epically awful things — don’t diss such training and effort by saying it comes “naturally”.


      What are you talking about? Now the state can step in and solve the problem that the market created. Fucking heroes, they are.

      1. Make enemies of the state designated ass-wipers, duh.

      1. I’m not. I reside in the only time zone of import.

    7. Blaming political opponents for the shortfall, as it does for other shortages, the government…

      Thank God that could never happen here!


      But you know, they’ve never really, really been tried! It’s just a problem with some of the details!

    9. Well, there was that one time they didn’t work not quite as badly as that other time.

      1. France! Not as bad as Cuba!

        1. Cuba, not as bad as Pol Pot’s Cambodia!

          1. At least Venezuela has free health care…..wait, Chavez went to Cuba for his free health care and….did they kill him instead?

            1. Funny, I never thought about that before. Maybe they did.

  14. Kai the hatchet-wielding hitchhiker sought in New Jersey slaying

    We don’t live in the best of all possible worlds, but sometimes we share newspaper headlines with that world.

    1. There just aren’t any heroes anymore.

      1. He’s a hero to Warty.

    2. ….is wanted on suspicion of murdering an attorney in New Jersey.

      Murder?? I hope he collected a bounty on the pelt!

      Sorry John.

      1. If you read the article, the dude insinuates the attorney drugged his drink and raped him via irrumatio.

        Not that excuses bludgeoning an elderly man to death, but if it’s true, this is not just your garden-variety hobo rage.

        1. I make it a practice to not read the articles HM!

        2. Not that excuses bludgeoning an elderly man to death…

          I think it excuses it just fine.

      2. It’s a good start? Oops, different joke…

  15. Who was it here that said “Special prosecutor or shut the fuck up.”?

    I second that. What a shameless Con he is. How is it possible he has any supporters at all?

    1. Because his supporters are shameless as well. TEAM is all, it’s even more important than your personal integrity.

    2. It’s good to remember that Mr. First Comedian in Chief is not self aware:

      Obama joked of Auditing his detractors in 2009

        1. A blank wiki page? Surely you meant something better?

        2. I always get nostalgic for the work of Sugar Free.

        3. Here I thought we were gonna get the “I am not a crook!” speech.

    3. Special prosecutor. Make it happen. Congress, I’m looking at you. Fuck this guy.

  16. http://www.al.com/business/ind…..er_default

    Bill Gates is once again the world’s richest person.

    1. Further proof of how awesome Windows 8 is!

      1. So awesome they are already on to Windows Blue! Windows 8.1 to release later this year

        1. That is a service pack, not a new OS. Windows 7 had one, XP had like 3. I actually like Windows 8 quite a bit, I put it on an old laptop and has made it way faster and more stable than it has been in years (originally had Windows 7).

          1. yeah, I know, I was just thinking that game-changing recent Windows versions (I’m looking at you W7) have adopted the same cycle of ‘Much better’-‘Service Pack(s)’-‘Bloated suck’-‘v.NewFastStable’

            Not complaining.

  17. Chris Frandsen, a West Point graduate who fought in Vietnam, doesn’t believe the TrackingPoint technology should be allowed in the civilian world. The gun makes it too easy for a criminal or a terrorist to shoot people from a distance without being detected, he says.

    “Where we have mental health issues, where we have children that are disassociated from society early on, when we have terrorists who have political cards to play, we have to restrict weapons that make them more efficient in terrorizing the population,” Frandsen says.

    So, I guess they haven’t been teaching the U.S. Constitution at West Point since the late 50’s?

    1. Apparently he also missed how technology usually has someone else come along with something better, even if it’s on the black market.

        1. Need anything other than “West Point” be said?

          1. Is it too late to join in on dumping on West Point?

        2. Interesting that only some of the news items and the “Blue Roots” emblem at the bottom of the page give an indication of his party affiliation. I guess running as a Democrat in Texas is tough these days.

    2. Which ’50s?

      1. You had to go there, didn’t you?

    3. Oh for fuck’s sake. He is running for office. In Austin.

      *hangs head*

      1. No. He lost. Paul Workman beat that ass like a drum.

  18. Somebody tell Michelle Obama.

    You think Her Royal Fatass is going to listen to evidence?

    1. Who knows? Maybe she likes pot. I’ve never heard anything to the contrary.

      1. It’s the fat-burgers and thick rib-eyes with greasy fries that she loves for herself. For you, soybean salad.

  19. Follow up to morning links and a little bit of market research:

    Earlier this afternoon I went to my neighborhood liquor store (Evergreen Liquors, if anyone cares about detail). It has neither the largest selection of craft beer in the area (Liquor Outlet), nor tracks down unusual or specialty beers (Louisville Beer Store). It has a good craft selection from what is commonly available from area distributors.

    There is a craft wall in the cooler, I counted the top shelf only (of 4): 59 different beers available, 21 hop forward, 38 not.

    I was very loose with definition of hop forward, any IPAs, pale ales, etc counted, plus a few others.

    I think I can officially tell those I was arguing with to suck it.

    The interesting thing is, the shelf is sorted by brewery (but not any obvious order) so that all of Brewery A’s beers are together. However, the breweries in the center of the shelf, first thing you would see when entering the cooler and walking down the aisle is the breweries with lots of IPAs. The left edge and right edge of the shelf were non-hoppy.

    I started my count from the left and got to about 10-2, later, it closed (ratio wise) to 30-20, than finished with non-hoppy selections to get to the final 38-21.

    So while the number of IPAs on the shelf isnt anywhere like what was mentioned in the morning threads, the layout does give that appearance.

    1. Hide the decline!

    2. Oh, and important info: bought a 4-pack of Hennepin.

    3. I don’t understand the complaints. Buy what you like or brew it yourself.

      1. I dont understand either.

        Someone was whining that it was 1/3 shitty beer and 2/3 IPA.

        1. Some people just love to whine and pretend that personal tastes can be wrong.

          1. I forgot that every market condition, good or bad, is handed down from the heavens and is infallible.

            It couldn’t be that not every brewery distributes everywhere or that local control of the market by distributors distorts the selection. It couldn’t be that retailers are overcompensating to a perceived market demand and catering to one crowd at the expense of another, or that local demographics skew the choices. It couldn’t be that the local gubmint is being stingy with the licenses and options for buying beer are limited, relative to other ares of the country.

            How could I have been so mistaken?

            1. A friend of mine who was heavy in the local microbrew scene posited that small breweries often went hop forward because it was easier to mask small mistakes in very hoppy beers. The heavy presence of hoppy beers further acclimates consumers of craft brews to hops and it becomes self-reinforcing.

              1. Its a myth.

                Maybe, very, very small faults, but things like stouts would do a better job of covering faults than hoppy beers.

                Generally, most of the major faults are going to be obvious regardless.

          2. Some people just love to whine and pretend that personal tastes can be wrong.

            Are you trying to insinuate that liking deep dish is okay?

            1. Are you trying to insinuate that liking deep dish is okay?

              It’s not just okay. It’s the only rational position to take.

        2. And that someone, btw, if it wasnt obvious, was JW.

    4. I started that fracas, then had to leave for a meeting.

      1. I missed that there was a fracas; I would have wanted in on it. I would say there are plenty of good non-hoppy craft beers, because those are what I drink, but I do think there is a problem not just in the layout of a store, like robc describes above, but more importantly in bar/restaurant menu options. The places I go that have a craft beer selection–and yes, they are fucking hipster places–tend to have like, 5 IPAs and 1 hefeweizen. Which is fine, because hefeweizen is my favorite anyway, but it would be nice if I could choose from more than one. Especially if the one is Blue Moon. I mean, it’s fine, but I’d like to try something new and fun too.

        1. I ridiculed Nutrasweet for that kind of comment, basically telling him to go to better bars.

          You too.

          1. Well, I only go places other people choose, because I only go to bars if I’m socially obligated to, since you can’t smoke in them anymore. This is hardly a major problem for me but it does make me roll my eyes at most of the menus I see.

            Also, part of the reason for the small selection is because this is typically happening at restaurants, not bars, because I’m more frequently obligated to go to restaurants.

            1. I generally run into the opposite problem in restuarants, finding even one IPA on tap.

              Especially places that should have them: like Thai restaurants. Hops pair with spicy foods.

              1. I generally run into the opposite problem in restuarants, finding even one IPA on tap.

                I mean, it’s all well and good to say it’s not really a problem and that people should go to better bars and restaurants, but if craft beer hype is driven by hipsters living in hipster places and going to hipster places, but you aren’t a hipster living in a hipster place and going to hipster places, does your critique of the original article really make sense? I mean, go to a bar in Brooklyn sometime and see what the hoppiness ratio is like. None of that is to say that you should be hanging out in Brooklyn, but there is a reason people in the media writing about craft beers have this impression.

                1. if craft beer hype is driven by hipsters living in hipster places and going to hipster places

                  It isnt.

                  The basic premise is wrong, so the argument is invalid.

                  1. Just to make it really clear, craft beer is driven by people in places like Kalamazoo and San Diego and Portla…okay, that one is a point in your favor, and small town Vermont and Wisconsin.

                    New Glarus is a perfect example. They are the 17th largest craft brewery despite not distributing outside of Wisconsin. Spotted Cow is, IIRC, the number 1 selling beer in the state, beating out Miller Lite or something.

                    New Glarus is anything but hipster.

            2. Obligated? There’s your problem, right there.

        2. Need to find places with more that 6 beers on tap.

      2. I started that fracas, then had to leave for a meeting.


        1. Yes it was.

    5. I’ll send you my shopping list. You can pick up the shipping costs, right?

      1. As I said this morning, MOVE.

        1. But why, when I can have you do this for me? You have access to a much better selection than I do. This is a good case of competitive advantage re Louisville to Monkey County. That’s a far more economical solution and much less disruptive.

          This is a good opportunity for a trade alliance. There must be something in Maryland that you can’t get in Tennessee.

          1. Tennessee

            Fightin’ words.

            1. Sorry, Kentesse.

          2. Maybe you could give robc crabs?

  20. http://www.avclub.com/articles…..eve,97829/

    After much confusion, Mitch Hurwitz now says that the 15 episodes of the fourth season of Arrested Development must be viewed in its intended order.

  21. In the Gaza Strip, with its tightly restricted access, an entrepreneur has created a thriving business smuggling in buckets of KFC.

    Instead of leaflets, propagandaists could drop extra crispy from the sky to win hearts and minds. That’s all anyone wants. That and for covered females to be accompanied by a male relative at all times.

    1. I think I ate the bones!

      1. Could anyone (besides vegetarians) stay mad at you if you give them an eight-piece bucket with some biscuits and cole slaw?

        Hell no!

        1. Unless that bucket is from Popeyes, and you turn the slaw in to mashed taters with gravy and add a side of dirty rice, I’d stay pretty mad.

          1. You’d be mad for getting something better than KFC? What is wrong with you?!

    2. I am waiting for them to bring the boneless concept to extra crispy. I will not live very long after that.

    3. And nobody pointed out that the entreprenuer was heard to say ‘suck my balls’ and ‘respect my authoritah’?

  22. OT: For Sloopy, video of guy tasered by police in his own house:


    1. Those cops should be tied down and tasered for hours on end.

  23. Mr. Pop Pop served up in Sno Knoe Joe v. Mr. Ding-a-Ling

    It’s a case of rival ice cream truck owners going after each other, with such fun testimony as:

    The highlight of Wednesday’s testimony was a video Lorman showed of the Mr. Ding-A-Ling driver, Phillip Hollister, allegedly raising his middle finger to Scott as she was selling ice cream outside Hollister’s home in April. The jingle “Turkey in the Straw” is heard humming in the background. Both King and Michael Albanese, the attorney representing Gloversville, said it was unclear whether Hollister was giving Scott the finger. Other portions of the video were questioned as well.

    “There is Ding-A-Ling dancing to my music,” Scott said at one point.

    “Objection,” replied Albanese. “I do not see Mr. Ding-A-Ling dancing to any music.”


    Last week’s lone witness said buying an Italian Ice from Sno Kone Joe was a very pleasant experience.

    This is nothing like the nightmare described by his rival, mister ding-a-ling who claims that Sno Kone Joe harassed and stalked him.

    1. You just made me regress to the third grade…heh heh, Mr. ding-a-ling.

      1. Simpsons did it.

  24. “Leaks related to national security can put people at risk. I make no apologies, and I don’t think the American people would expect me as commander in chief not to be concerned about information that might compromise their missions or might get them killed.”

    Of course, the big leak in this case came from his own CIA director.


  25. http://timesdaily.com/stories/…..lle,206539

    They’re having an “observance” to commemorate the TVA’s 80th birthday.

    1. And they’re having it on a weekday, so the ‘crats can be on the clock for it.

  26. “My main concern is fixing the problem,” Obama said

    I’ll bet “the problem” is not what most of us consider the problem.

    1. It’s stunning how collectivist these people are. They don’t just want to parent their own kids, they want to parent everyone else’s.

      It is very disappointing to see Britney allowing her young son to play with such a violent toy.

      Fuck you, animist moron. Go worship some idols or something, you’re too stupid to pay attention to.

      1. It is fascinating how “demanding gun sense” somehow means “little boys can’t play with toy guns.”

        1. But then they might not learn to cringe in terror at the sight of a big, scary, black gun. The only people who shouldn’t curl up in primal fear at the sight of a menacing black gun are our valiant PUBLIC HEROES with badges.

          1. By that logic, we should teach them to be afraid of gays because of the dangers of AIDS.

      2. Jayden was photographed not just playing with any toy gun. It looks like an assault weapon.

        Wow, he could have pretended to kill even more people in that case!

      3. It takes a village to fuck up an entire generation.

        1. +1 village idiot

    2. Brittany is sort of a redneck so of course she is cool with guns

    3. Shut the fuck up, Shannon Watts.

      At the age of six, my daughter was shooting BBs at the local Scout Camp’s range. Eventually, she will graduate to a .22 short. All of which is training for the eventuality that she will be forced to have to be able to shoot and kill tyrants like you.

      1. what kind of monster are you?!

        /Shannon t Watts

      2. BBs? You’ll put an eye out with that thing!

        /Christmas Story

      3. My 6 y/o starting shooting a 22LR last summer at out gun club’s Outdoor Adventure Camp. He shoots a bow too. I’ll have him shooting one of those eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevul ASSAULT RIFLES by the times he’s 8 or 9.

        You want to raise a kid? Fucking have your own. But don’t you ever say a fucking word about what’s appropriate for my child.

        1. Goddammit Mad, that is not appropriate! You have to get him familiar with scatterguns at some point before moving to assault rifles.

          1. *squints eye – tips hat*

            Well done, sir.

      4. they want to parent everyone else’s.

        We need to move beyond this notion we have that children belong to their parents. We need to realize that children belong to the community.

        /Melissa Harris Perry

      5. I should also mention that I’d still do Shannon Watts.

        1. Seems to depend on the angle.

          1. 6/10 based on picture.

            4/10 for being an whining nannystate c**t.

            See? I’m being nice to the (non-existant) female libertarians.

        2. She looks vacant like she’s been stunned by a blow to the back of the head but hasn’t fallen over yet.

          1. Probably because she was just gibbs slapped.

    4. And hey, look who’s pissed, that same woman who wrote the mom’s bill of retard rights, Shannon Watts!

      1. Wait is this the one who couldn’t come up with a catchy acronymable group name?

        1. You betcha.

      2. Who was the woman in charge of MADD in the 80s? Watts is her 2.0

        1. Candy Lightner?

          She quit MADD a long time back because it had achieved its goal and didnt need to continue.

          1. That and she got popped for DUI.

    5. Maybe someone can start a group, Mothers Demand Other Mothers Mind Their Own Damn Business?

      A man can dream?

      1. how about Mothers Against Government Grabs Of Tyranny?

    6. I learned to shoot a real gun when I was 4. I taught my son to shoot real guns when he was 4. I had toy guns, he had toy guns.

      Kiss my fucking ass.

    7. “It is very disappointing to see Britney allowing her young son to play with such a violent toy.”

      Violent toy? Violent toy? The toy is violent? Jesus Christ. Some people are too stupid to mock.

      1. He might even make those scary “pew pew” sounds!

  27. American Gray Metal!

    Deafheaven’s first song on their debut album. Riveting stuff.

    1. Cool shit. On that note, I’m trying out Google’s paid music service, and it seems to have an excellent selection of metal. You should check it out.

      1. You should check out the first track on their upcoming album. It’s pretty epic.

        Thanks for the Google tip.

  28. I have the worst friends from high school:

    We should stop upgrading non-vital technology until everyone has enough food and a secure place to live. I wouldn’t feel the need for my iPhone if it had never existed, though now that I have it, I don’t want it taken away. Which is why we should pause here, now?don’t go backward, but don’t go forward either. When our cars break down, we should just make more of the 2013 models (climate-saving upgrades exempt). If we’re bored with stagnation, we should change other things. Poverty and disease have replicated the same models for longer than our MacBooks would until these problems are solved.

    1. How about we just kill everyone who owns and iPhone and/or MacBook?

      1. Or just kill Tim’s friends from high school.

        1. Or anyone who doesn’t have a clue how standard of living is increased.

    2. You must have been in special ed, Tim, if this was a classmate of yours. That’s funny, you don’t seem retarded.

      1. Oh man you have no idea with this lady, she’s a real piece of work on the victimization scale.

        1. Is she fat? I’m assuming she’s fat.

          1. Nope, she’s a skinny bald biracial lesbian who shaved her head.

            1. Maybe she should run for President.

              1. She does look a lot like Obama with boobs and a vajayjay.

            2. Just don’t lock eyes with her, Tim. That never ends well.

            3. I suspect her musings have quite the “FUCK YOU, DAD!” vibe to them.

    3. The “climate-saving upgrades exempt” line alone makes him an absurdly hypocritical piece of shit. “Things you want don’t matter, things I want do!”

      Fuck off, darling slaver!

      1. The “climate-saving upgrades exempt” line alone makes him an absurdly hypocritical piece of shit.


        And add to the fact that it’s the technological advances that he wants halted that will enable more people to escape poverty, and you have a bonafide retard in our midst.

      2. It’s not even hypocrisy, it’s bone-crushing stupidity. I mean, these are words from a high-functioning retard. Impressive that she figured out how to use Facebook.

        1. I thought Facebook was specifically designed to appeal to high-functioning retards.

          1. You use Facebook a lot, right?

            1. Where else am I supposed to torture myself with the oblivious happiness of high-functioning retards?

              1. Where else am I supposed to torture myself with the oblivious happiness of high-functioning retards?

                The high functioning retards on Facebook are NOT happy. They’re too busy screaming about the Keystone Pipeline and the pure, unadulterated evil of Mitt Romney to experience any joy.

                1. My FB feed is surprisingly apolitical. It’s all WEDDINGS AND BABIES AND WEDDINGS AND BABIES AND WEDDINGS AND HONEYMOONS AND BABIES. Oh yeah, let’s do the baby dance, because we are TTC, and in a few weeks I’ll post a picture of a stick I pissed on for the world to see! Oh yeah!

                  1. I think your masochism, nicole, may be greater than that of the people here who read Jezebel. It’s impressive.

                    1. TTC=trying to conceive. Because people who want to make babies are afraid of using words like “sex.”

                      Anyway, those people are all “hidden” now and I never use FB anyway because once I hid them all, there was basically no newsfeed left. It actually showed me the limits of my masochism. Or maybe just the limit at which someone else would put up with my masochism.

                    2. I don’t think I’ve seen TTC, but my FB is wall to wall weddings and babies. I rarely log in anymore because I find it so generally aggravating, and then I miss fun things like a friend inviting me to her first gallery opening.

                    3. A woman’s got to know her limitations, nicole.

                  2. That’s like 75% of my feed and the rest is team red, blue or Marxist b.s.

                    1. I don’t know what is on my facebook feed. Imagine that.

                    2. I am actually going to delete my facebook by the end of the month. It is a promise I have made to myself.

                    3. I got sick of it early last year and gave it up until Jan 20, 2013.

                      Ive gone back sense and read stuff sometimes, but I should just delete the account.

        2. No doubt she considers herself a “progressive,” despite the fact that she is arguing against progress. Well, I’d like a pause on the creation of any more skinny bald biracial lesbian progressives.

          1. Pretty much. She lists her political views as “Very Liberal.”

    4. Wow, that’s impressive. We should impoverish designers and manufacturers until Bangladeshi children have iphones and prii?

    5. Give the guy a break, I mean he’s still in high school and all.

      He’ll probably grow out of such stupidity when he gets older and starts working.

      1. Lol, it’s a woman, and she is a 30 year old college graduate, hoping to end the taboo of professor-student sexual relations.

        1. hoping to end the taboo of professor-student sexual relations.

          Isn’t the taboo part the whole point? What fun is sleeping with your old crone poli sci professor if not for the sake of having a dirty story about how you rebelled against normative sexual behavior?

          1. I have no idea but she basically has a fetish for it and seems professors out in online dating sites.

            1. Then she Abelards them?

      2. Ah the General. I see you survived the night. I meant to warn you about ambien and alcohol. They dont mix well.

        1. It was quite fun until I passed the fuck out.

          I actually slept really well and woke up early without the alarm.

    6. Once again, it might be true that Rand’s characters are cardboard cutouts, but that is still showing 1 more dimension than people in real life apparently have.

      1. I couldn’t agree more: Ayn Rand made a fine art out of identifying the personality traits and motivations of the modern collectivist and crony capitalist archetypes.

        Stock up on those cardboard-cutout characters. They are all around you in today’s Washington DC.

        Barack Obama as Mr Thompson. Perfect.

    7. Unfortunately, there are shitstains that really believe this.

      Technological progress means nothing to them if someone, somewhere is not living a comfortable life and has everything they need.

      But seriously, until capitalism crept along, everything was sunshine, rainbows and unicorns. Then the Koch brothers came along and destroyed our once beautiful utopian world.

    8. (climate-saving upgrades exempt)

      Fuckin’ fag. If we’re going to stop auto technology in its tracks lets go with 1965.

      1. I love those 1965 Chevy Impala SS convertibles. I want a red one.

    9. I’m impressed that someone that stupid can work a keyboard.

    10. I wouldn’t feel the need for my iPhone if it had never existed, though now that I have it, I don’t want it taken away.

      So, she won’t do anything herself to alleviate the suffering of others. That might require her to sacrifice her frivolities and comforts and Aqua Buddha forbid that should happen. Someone else, representing WE should do it.

      1. Yeah, this. “I want people to be safe and stuff but not, you know, enough to give up my iPhone.”

        How long does she expect the world would have to stagnate before her goal is achieved?

    11. Link? Need an image to hate on!

      1. http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Qq9t…..849158.jpg

        That’s her.

        1. She came from the womb positively dripping with smug didn’t she?

          1. Only when she’s behind a keyboard. In high school she was quiet and meek.

  29. From this morning, but posted late: Mark it zero, Dude. Negligent discharge in bowling alley in FL.

    1. This isn’t ‘Nam. There are rules.

      1. You flash a piece on the lanes, I take it from you, shove it up your ass and pull the trigger till it goes click!

        1. ….Jesus.

      2. God damn you FoE! You fuckin’ asshole! Everything’s a fuckin’ travesty with you, man! And what was all that shit about Vietnam? What the FUCK has anything got to do with Vietnam? What the fuck are you talking about?

        1. Mr Lebowski, this is Bill Salinger of the Southern Cal bowling league. We received an, uh, an informal complaint that a member of your team – a Walter Sobchak? – drew a firearm during league play. If this is true, of course, it contravenes a number of the leagues by-laws and also article 27-

          1. This is a very complicated case, FoE. You know, a lotta ins, a lotta outs, a lotta what-have-yous. And, uh, a lotta strands to keep in my head, man. Lotta strands in old Duder’s head. Fortunately, I’m adhering to a pretty strict, uh, drug regimen to keep my mind, you know, uh, limber.

            1. What in God’s holy name are you blathering about?

            2. “What’s a pederast, Walter?”

            3. Do you enjoy sex Jeffery?

              1. Ever thus to deadbeats FoE

            4. This aggression will not stand, man.

                1. Say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it’s an ethos.

    2. I’m sure you hate it when you can’t control your santorum.

    3. “The ball hit him in the leg, which triggered the revolver,”

      Unless the revolver was cocked in his pocket this is simply not possible unless it was an old style colt revolver with the firing pin fixed on the hammer.

      I smell bullshit or idiocy. Ok, when there is an accidental firing there is always idiocy…but…oh never mind.

      1. There’s also the possibility that said dumbass may have had other things in his pocket besides the revolver, and they could have been bound up in the trigger.

  30. Irish judge rules Internet must take down defamatory video. In related news, Irish plot to take over world, get drunk and forget.

    1. He has made his decision, now let him enforce it.

      I wonder if he realizes that by insisting on this it will guarantee that millions (okay, thousands) of people who would not have cared about the video at all will seek it out to see what it’s about?

    2. In related news, Irish plot to take over world, get drunk and forget.

      I never forget.

    3. Um…

      How much money do you have to have to sue over such inane bullshit?

      I couldn’t find the video, but wouldn’t it blow over in a few days never to resurface? Your reputation is irreparably damaged because you didn’t pay cab fare? Really?

  31. For all the Metal fans here I highly recommend The Ruins of Beverast, a one-man Black Metal project from Germany. Dark atmospheric landscapes, incredible song structures, and an overall just crushing feel. Highly talented:

    Check out this song:

    Or the whole album, a true piece of art:

  32. Asked about Benghazi, Gosnell, the IRS, and the AP, Obama today screamed in a falsetto “I don’t know nuthin bout birthin babies!”

  33. For General Butt Naked;

    I learned the hard way not to mix ambien and alcohol. You will enter a waking dream like state and later have no memory.

    My wife claims that I told her I was going for a glass of water. I got out of bed, naked, and went to the kitchen. I unplugged the microwave and carried it to the front yard. I sat on the microwave and stared at the stars. After I had been gone for some time she came looking for me and found me thus. She asked what I was doing and I said I was having a ciggarette. I had no cigarette but was making the motions of smoking as if I did. She asked me nicely if I would come back to bed and I said “sure!”, and did.

    When she told me the next morning I thought she was pulling my leg. She showed me the microwave in the yard. slowly little bits of memory began to return.

    I never did that again because I was afraid the next time I might decide we needed groceries in the middle of the night….

    1. Oh, yeah, dude, I could have told you that one. Ambien may be non-benzodiazoprene but it still acts on the same GABA A-receptor as alcohol. It’s why you can have withdrawal from it when you go off if you go cold turkey.

    2. I had an insane weekend ice fishing with friends, one of whom was riding the ambien walrus. Guy had a bit of a drinking problem anyway, and didn’t even think about the ambien part.

      Lead to quite the insanity. It was all well and good until he sits down at the table in the middle of the cabin, and starts reciting the Lord’s Prayer in the middle of the night.

    3. That…is…awesome.

      1. Yeah! I did something similar…. I performed a seven hour cardiothoracic surgical procedure and walked out….my work there was done.

    4. Yeah, that sounds like fun if you would have remembered it. I made a pizza last night, but was fully awake. I don’t remember putting away the leftovers though, but there they were; wrapped in plastic in the fridge.

      The experience you had sounds like what used to happen when we’d take 30 dramamine. You’d get actual hallucinations (like of people that you can talk to). Everybody that did it would end up smoking an imaginary cigarette without fail.

    5. This is the first thing that has ever made me want to try Ambien.

    6. This is a most excellent post! Commentariat, take note!

      I wonder what in that combination gets you up and about. I would think you would just be really sleepy, but as a former sleepwalker, yeah it’s mysterious.

    7. You are damn lucky the Masturbation Task Force Assault Team didn’t bust you.

  34. At a Senate hearing today, a Pentagon official said it will take another decade or two to defeat al Qaeda, so our children will be inheriting more than our massive financial debt and unsustainable entitlement programs

    And I bet the little ingrates won’t even say ‘thanks’.

  35. The Volokh conspiracy of IRS antics against pro-life groups in the last few years:

    “1. In 2011, the IRS quizzed Christian Voices for Life about whether they “[do] education on both sides of the issues” and whether they “attempt to talk to [people] trying to enter a medical clinic, or any other building facility.”…

    “2. In 2009, the IRS allegedly demanded that the Coalition for Life of Iowa promise, as a condition of getting tax-exempt status, that it wouldn’t “picket” or “protest” outside Planned Parenthood or similar groups, or organize others to do so.”


    1. Funny, I have been banned from posting comments on Volokh for responding to a comment made by former prosecutor who was ridiculing arguments made by a pro se tax protester. My comment:

      Do you enjoy being a slave, slaver?

      1. Banned?

        That seems odd.

        I got banned from the Atlantic yesterday.

        I have an idea. Lets see who here can get banned from the most sites.

        1. When I mentioned this to John, he responded that, notwithstanding Eugene Volokh’s nominal libertarianism, the site is full of former prosecutors and that I should not be surprised.

        2. Well, that comment was pretty high on the flamebait scale.

          I’ve been banned from Boing Boing twice for calm, polite, reasoned disagreement with the official progtard groupthink there, even though my comments often got more upvotes than downvotes.

          1. Yet, Volokh professes to be libertarian.

            The blog also features Randy “presumption of liberty” Barnett and David “Hail Lochner” Bernstein.

            Moreover, if you read the comments on any given post, you are apt to find some pretty serious profanity and nasty name calling.

            Sure, I would expect my comment to get me bounced from Boing, but……..

            1. If you can counter an argument, counter it.
              If you cant counter an argument, admit you are wrong and get on the right side.

              Shutting up your opposition because you cant counter their argument is cowardly, dishonest, and an admission that you are wrong.

      2. Wait, who’s a slaver?

  36. Why do performers have to open their mouths and ruin everything? Fuck, I just saw the Ry Cooder article. I used to like that guy’s music. Now every time I hear it I will just growl “fuckin’ pinko” and turn it off.

    1. Bummer when your guitar heroes turn out to be pro-war Obama cultists.

      1. Who couldn’t explain why if they love Obama they must also love Bush.

    1. He recently brewed a beer at Stone (?) or somewhere.

      1. I was just browsing /r/homebrewing and there he was. He came down on our side on the hoppy beer complaint issue.

        1. Star Trek *and* homebrew? You guys must be achieving Nerdvana about now.

  37. Sometimes man you jsut have to roll with it.


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