Zero Tolerance

Brickbat: MacGyver Weeps


Tony Bandermann was at work when he got the call. His son, Braden, was on a camping trip sponsored by California's Garden Gate Elementary School when teachers discovered he had brought a small Swiss Army knife. Officials had suspended the boy for a day, and they wanted Bandermann to drive 100 miles, pick him up and then bring him back when the suspension was over. Bandermann refused, telling them they were overreacting. So teachers made the boy serve the suspension at the camp, isolating him from the other students, making him eat his meals by himself and not allowing him to take part in any activities for one day.

NEXT: Uncorrected Criminal Records Dog the Wrongfully Convicted

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  1. Someone brought a knife.... CAMPING?! Should have shot the little bastard where he stood. Who's he to endanger all those other kids with his incredibly useful multi-tool?

    1. Multi-murder-tool!

      1. serial tooling!!!

        1. 58 different tools? 58 different ways to KILL!

  2. Charles, you SF'd the link

    Folks, click through and read - it has a lovely round-up of other stupid school overreactions (including the kid arrested for wearing an NRA t-shirt)

  3. No way man, tell me it aint so. Wow.

    1. What happened to the beautiful bean footage?

      1. infrared bean footage.

  4. This is just preparing him for when he mistakenly tries to take a nail clipper on a airliner and the TSA strip search him, taser him and then throws him in jail. Its called socialization and its one of the most important jobs that public schools perform. The unquestioning following of orders from government employees.

    1. don't forget the introductory grope from the TSa agent in preparation for his introduction to prison's educational!!

      1. It would be impolite not to warm us up first. I mean, it's not like they are paying us for the privilege.

  5. Jeebus, how are they going to play mumblety-peg?

  6. I am neutral on this story.

    1. Took me a minute....

      +58 different tools in 1

      1. sounds like H&R

        1. I was going to dispute that....then I reflected upon it for a moment, shrugged and thought "eh, she is right".

          1. I figured the antipodean freak was referring to Mary Stack's 58 different aliases.

            1. Freak? How dare you! My second head says "fuck you".

              1. On the bright side, at least you're not a Kiwi.

              2. Also - PLEASE. H&R is more like...10 tools.

                SAK for the win!

    2. "What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?"

      1. If I don't survive, tell my wife, "Hello."

  7. That'll learn 'im.

    "See, son, this is why aithoritah sucks. Remember this..."

  8. You know who else isolated people in government camps?

    1. The Boy Scouts?

  9. At least he didn't nibble a Pop Tart into a triangle shape and say "Bang."

    1. That would have entailed forcible transportation to Luna.

    2. For pop tart guns, the appropriate sound effect is, "PEW PEW PEW PEWPEW PEW!!!"

      1. make a noise like a cartoon skunk?

      2. Amazingly enuff, that IS the exact sound my 4 yo twins make when attacking with poptart guns ...

  10. Love the alt-text.


    1. Agreed.

  11. I ran into something similar with The Boy on an overnight school outing. We received a call around midnight, from his science teacher who was distraught over The Boy's various uses of the the word, 'fuck.' (Those cursing lessons are starting to pay off.)

    The wife-unit had taken the call and she told me that we were told that if he did again, we'd have to drive 60 miles and come pick him up. "What if we said no?" I asked. It's good that she had taken the call, as I would have laughed at this petulant little shit and his feckless threats.

    1. "What if we said no fuck off?" I asked.


  12. Baseball and Hockey teams should be put on notice. Every last one of you are ONE power trip away from a felony.

    I think its time to start a new policy. We need liberal safety zones, surrounded by multiple large fences and limited access. Anybody wishing to enter will be thoroughly searched for any thing that is prohibited inside the LSZ. We could even offer incentives to get all anybody who wants to to relocate and telecommute from the inside.

    "Don't think of it as a prison, it's a hotel you can never leave because it's locked from the outside."

    1. Liberal Safety Zones? We already have those. They're called cities. Abandon all hope, ye who enter these places.

      1. The basketball game I was at on Friday night was in a city, but they still sold me 32 oz of soda at once.

        1. Scandalous! Apparently they didn't get the memo.

          1. They also forgot to do pat downs on the way in, which is why I was only buying soda.

    2. So it's the Hotel California?

  13. So teachers made the boy serve the suspension at the camp, isolating him from the other students, making him eat his meals by himself and not allowing him to take part in any activities for one day.

    How do you do that without being a sadist?

    1. You don't.

    2. I think the parents should sue the city for child abuse. Solitary confinement is too good for a murderer, but it's good enough for my kid!?

      Of course the kid probably just played his 3DS all day and had a rather good time.

      1. John Jackson: "I say your three cent titanium tax goes too far."
        Jack Johnson: "And I say your three cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough."

    3. OMG!!111!!111!

      THEY OTHERED HIM!!111!!1

  14. The school principal, Brandi Hucko, allegedly wanted Bandermann to rush to the site of the science camp, pick Braden up for a one-day suspension and then deliver him back to camp.

    "And call me 'Principal', not 'Bucko'."

  15. So teachers made the boy serve the suspension at the camp, isolating him from the other students, making him eat his meals by himself and not allowing him to take part in any activities for one day

    Big deal.

    Solitary confinement has long been a method used by prisons to discipline inmates.

  16. I work with a number of young parents, and it's not uncommon to hear them complain about particulare teachers or the school in general. When I gently explain the problem is fundamental, because the government is running the school, they think I'm a crank. When I tell them that in the end, the teachers and administrators care more about their pay and perogatives than they do about your child, they think I'm a monster. The teacher's dont care ?! Yes, and if the evidence that is right in front of your face won't convince you, then it's hopeless.

    1. "To state the obvious is to share with you what (in your view) my misconceptions might be. The obvious can be dangerous. The deluded man frequently finds his delusions so obvious that he can hardly credit the good faith of those who do not share them"

      -- RD Laing, 1972

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