Boston Marathon Bombing

Williams-Sonoma Concedes Victory to Terrorists, Pulls Pressure Cookers From Shelves



In what can only be described as a posthumous victory for raging asshole Tamerlan Tsarnaev, Williams-Sonoma, the (absolutely amazing) kitchen-stuff company, has pulled pressure cookers–which the Tsarnaevs built into bombs–from shelves in Massachusetts. Patch reports

Following the Boston Marathon bombing last Monday in which pressure cookers were used for the explosion, the cookware giant has decided to temporarily stop selling the items in their Massachusetts stores.

"It's a temporary thing out of respect," said Kent, who is the Store Manager of the Williams-Sonoma at the Natick Mall. He referred Patch to corporate for further questions. Williams-Sonomaalso has a local branch at Legacy Place in Dedham.

Pressure cookers will still be available on the Williams-Sonoma website.

What's next, a self-imposed ban on the sale of backwards baseball caps? 

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  1. I’d say something about peak stupid, but, well, someone is probably working on pressure cooker control already.

    1. It’s worse than you think. I just talked to an ex who works at a Williams-Sonoma in a different state. She says they’re pulling them nationally, and are no longer to use them in the cooking classes either.

      (And yes, I piggybacked on your comment to increase the chances of a hat tip)

    2. Start working at home with Google! It’s by-far the best job Ive had. Last Wednesday I got a brand new BMW since getting a check for $6474 this – 4 weeks past. I began this 8-months ago and immediately was bringin home at least $77 per hour. I work through this link,

    3. Anthony. I see what you mean… Sylvia`s artlclee is unbelievable… on monday I bought themselves a Audi Quattro after bringing in $7009 thiss month and more than 10 grand this past munth. it’s by-far the best work I’ve ever done. I actually started eight months/ago and right away was bringing home at least $73.. per-hour. I use this website,,

  2. We were joking about this in another thread! No, it is coming to pass!…..curity-bur

    1. Holy shit, you can’t even parody these idiots anymore.

      1. Hence the utter despair at The Onion HQ.

        1. No, they’ll start printing stories about logic and clear thought being utilized instead.

        2. Practically every link on the ‘net regarding this story includes the phrase “not The Onion”.

  3. What’s next, a self-imposed ban on the sale of backwards baseball caps?

    we can only hope.

    1. How will we know who’s attractive if not for fitted caps?

      The cap will get you every time. Look past the cap. Never trust a big butt and a cap. These are the things I believe because I know the power of the cap. […] The cap works.

    2. I would be ok with a douche bag round up

    3. Need to test market a ban on all baseball caps in NYC.

  4. Does anybody really NEED a pressure cooker?

    1. Seems like reason should really be putting in a trigger warning for people who might have been affected by a pressure cooker. And certainly shouldn’t just be showing a picture of one.

      1. I just learned about ‘trigger warnings’ a few days ago. I could tell it wasn’t parody – but also couldn’t quite believe it was real.

    2. Only police departments and the military need pressure cookers. The rest of us need to call 911 to have our pressure cooked meals delivered to us.

      1. No one wants to take your pressure cooker, just register it, and maybe pass a background check before buying a new one.

        1. You’ll take my pressure cooker from my warm, sweaty hands!

          1. In that case, never mind!

            /Squeamish statist confiscator

            1. You don’t want to know what horrors he actually has cooked inside that pressure cooker.

    3. You don’t seriously think that you need one for hunting, do you?

      1. If you bring your pressure cooker on a hunting excursion, don’t forget to bring your George Foreman and your blender, too.

      2. How to can chopped or ground meat — bear, beef, lamb, pork, sausage, veal, or venison

        Page 21 of Canning Meat, Wild Game, Poultry & Fish Safely has instructions on canning rabbit and squirrel.

        Pressure canner (a pressure cooker big enough for a canning rack and canning jars) required.

        So yes.

    4. Hells yes, especially if you want to make Osso Buco in less than 6 hours

      1. gonna have to ban all those high capacity clips they use also lol

    5. yes ..i can food with mine…anyone who knows about canning would need one also can use them to cook with…

  5. was too excited to comment.

    1. I don’t even know how to cook with one, but now I’m thinking of ordering a small concealable one and a high capacity one.

      Molon Labe bitches!

      1. If you do a lot of stocks, broths, or soups, you’ll use it all the time. They’re also good at turning “low and slow” into “high and fast”–things like pork shoulder or short ribs.

        1. Nobody need to cook pork shoulders that fast unless they’re feeding a terrorist cell. How many people really need to cook a pork shoulder in such a short time without reloading their cooking appliance? Only professional chefs need high capacity rapid cooking appliances.

          I’m actually looking at getting one now. I do a lot of slow cooker stuff and was told (similar to what you said) that a pressure cooker can give me slow cooker results in normal time for some of the things I really like.

        2. I just cooked pork shoulder tonight in the electric broiler, which is where short ribs of beef are best cooked too.T-bone steak is beef shoulder, so why should pork shoulder be treated any differently? It was pretty good, but the pineapple marinade — even though just a few mins. — made some of it slightly mushy.

  6. In future articles describing such stupidity, could you please include a link/email address to the offending company so that we might shoot them a little note about what kind of fucking cowardly pussies they are?

    1. “Shoot?”

      1. ELIMINASHUNIST RETORIK!@!!!11!!!!

      1. Mission accomplished.


        1. Can you do a copypasta of what you wrote, or a summation?

          1. I didn’t save it. Basically said it makes us (Americans) look like sniveling cowards and it was the most ridiculous overreaction I’ve ever seen.

          2. I just told them to put it back on the shelves, and that it wasn’t a mark of respect to pull them. I told them I’d be rolling in my grave if it were me.

      2. Thank you. I sent my short email yesterday at this time. Have heard nothing back. Anyone else?

  7. Only queers and terrorists… and frenchmen (but I repeat myself with that last one) ever had a need for a pressure cooker.

    1. I don’t personally have a pressure cooker, but I respect your right to own one.
      There’s nothing wrong with using one.
      In private.
      Away from the children.
      Close the curtains.
      And be sure to wash your hands when you’re done.

    2. I once had the need to own one. I was on a quest for the perfect hummus, made from scratch. Gotta pressure cook dried beans to make them as soft as possible.

      1. As a veteran hummus maker who occasionally struggles with graininess when using dried beans, I thank you.

  8. Dammit! Now my even crappier bombing plot is ruined! Thanks, Chechen assholes.

    1. “even crappier bombing plot”

      You can still go to plan B – the exploding camper toilet.

      1. You can still go to plan B – the exploding camper toilet.

        I’m pretty sure that’s just Warty’s standard bowel movement.

    2. That’s ok, you can still get your lodge cast iron crock pot and just duct tape the lid on

      1. Lodge??? What do you think I am, a poor person? I require at least Calphalon.

        And I’ll just go ahead and assume you meant Dutch oven. Cast iron crockpot…

        1. hehehe dutch oven.

          1. That’s just wrong.

          2. lol. This is something my husband (in his role as the “goofy uncle”) likes to use to make our nephew & niece laugh.

        2. Calphalon? Was that a gay wedding gift?

      2. The best thing is to use an old artillery shell. Just empty it out and put your own explosive inside.

        1. Wouldn’t a NEW artillery shell, NOT emptied out, work better?

    3. I bet steel ammo boxes would work well.

  9. What’s a man gotta do around here to get a hat-tip? Suck some dick? linky

    1. not saying I will, but I’m not saying I won’t.

  10. If only one child’s life is spared as a result, it will all have been worth it.

  11. Y’know, I like my high tech lifestyle enabled by global commerce. But then I read articles like this and think perhaps the collapse of civilization won’t be entirely bad.

  12. I’m beginning to understand what that army officer in Vietnam meant when he spoke on the only means to save a village.

    Also, you know the same kind of effect can be created by any number of means, say, take out the contents of a dozen large cans of stewed tomatoes and soldier the tops back on, right?.

    Yes, I’m giving them ideas. The only way out of this madness is to reach the peak where in mobs go nuts and shred the nudgers limb for limb.

    1. Also, you know the same kind of effect can be created by any number of means

      It sounds like you know an awefull lot about this stuff. *Adds name to terrorist watchlist* /FBI

      1. Anyone who knows anything about sealed metal containers is now a terrorist.

    2. Those family size cans, that’s it.

  13. More pressure cooker, fewer radical Muslims please.

  14. I don’t think terrorists can afford Williams-Sonoma. Unless they are getting aid from shadowy international organizations…

    I really don’t have any recipes that can get my Fagor 10qt qualified as a weapon of mass destuction. My corned beef and cabbage is close though.

  15. One of my favorite bands is a ska/reggae group out of the Boston area called Pressure Cooker. Haven’t heard much from them in the past week. It would suck if they have to change their name…

    1. It would suck if they have to change their name…

      Not if they change it to Black Powder..oh, wait…

    2. It would suck if they have to change their name…

      Out of respect.

      1. Out of respect

        Nice band name.

  16. What’s next? My blast freezer? My industrial weight scales? My distillation column? My nitrous oxide?

    1. There is a 5k race coming to Mesa Az in November. It is different than all the others in that the runners are blasted with colors (looks like liquid chalk) at various blast stations. Many commentators objected to the crass insensitivity of it all.

  17. I hope the mockery they’re getting here is indicative of a larger internet wide trend?

  18. Words, they fail me.

  19. Terroists have been laughing at us since 9/11.

    We have not really gone very far on the sociological evolutionary ladder as we’re still prone to suspicion (conspiracy theory)scapegoating (blaming entire groups) and over-emotional acting out (making up laws on the fly cause we’re scared).

    But people think we’re so advanced.

    1. Like my father likes to say: We’re three steps out of the cave with lots of shiny toys.

      1. Wisdom.

      2. Very nice.

      3. That far?

        1. one step forward, two steps back…

  20. I feel safer, already.

  21. Did I not ask about the Kitchen Show Loophole a few days ago?

  22. As soon as they get the tooling done to stamp, “NOT FOR USE AS AN EXPLOSIVE DEVICE” on the bottom, they will be available again.

    1. I have it on good authority that they’re waiting for federal regulators to hand down the optimal wording of said stamp to ensure consumer safety.

      They won’t have to sit on their product for more than a year or two while they wait.

  23. “It’s a temporary thing out of respect,” said Kent, who is the Store Manager of the Williams-Sonoma at the Natick Mall.

    I didn’t see Ford, Chrysler or GM pull out their vehicles out of Oklahoma City back in 1995 out of “respect.” Maybe the car makers were more callous and greedy than Williams-Sonoma?

    This is just more liberal corporate PC bullshit. Remind me not to buy stock of WS. Fuck them.

    1. Why wouldn’t you want to own a company that makes a fortune overcharging SWPLs for kitchen items they’ll probably never use?

    2. Owing to your short term memory issues, I am hereby reminding you not to buy WS stock.

    3. … and when they came for the microwaves…

  24. WS is crap you could get a lot of other places for 30% more.

  25. I should start applying for my concealed cooky license.

    (On a less snarky but related note, I am considering going through the red tape to get my FID so I can bring my shotgun down to MA; not carry it, just have it in the state).

    1. To shoot black bears?

      1. A hunting license? Fuck that.

        1. Ah, I was referring to the prospect of black bears trespassing onto the property of the peeps you will be visiting in Mass, particularly if you would be visiting folks in Auburn.

          1. What if he just wants to visit his own home?

      2. URBAN! It’s URBAN bears.

  26. “What’s next, a self-imposed ban on the sale of backwards baseball caps?”


    1. and flip flops. Please, a flip flops ban, Lord, is that too much to ask?

      1. What’s wrong with flip flops?

      2. sagging is the true scourge of society, if only the Brothers Dumbass could have been sagging…

  27. Wow.
    AP twitter feed got hacked and the Dow plummeted.

  28. AP twitter feed got hacked

    Does anybody really need 140 characters?

  29. This makes me just want to lie down and die.
    This was once a great country.

    In other pointless reactions – The Boston Bombers are changing their name for no goddamn reason that I can see. Fucking pussies.…..n-tragedy/

    1. The Boston Bombers are changing their name for no goddamn reason that I can see.

      Out of respect.

    2. Now many that hadn’t heard of the “Boston Bombers” will now hear of them. Marketing genius.

      “Fucking pussies”-
      And since they are a women’s basketball team technically they are a bunch of pussies.

    3. Holy shit! They changed their name to the Bulldogs!!!! How insensitive can you be to all those kids that get their faces mauled by one of these dangerous creatures.

      1. Well, my college had a women’s volleyball team called the Beavers (PSU Beaver County campus). We liked it too much so they changed it.

  30. But, at least Big Papi did not self-censor!

  31. What’s next, a self-imposed ban on the sale of backwards baseball caps? What’s next, a self-imposed ban on the sale of backwards baseball caps?

    Out of respect.

  32. Williams-Sonoma, Inc.
    3250 Van Ness Avenue
    San Francisco, CA 94109

    No fucking wonder. Bunch of pants shitting little San Fran prog-tard bitches.

  33. I refuse to believe that this is not a joke. It has to be a joke. It has to be a joke. No one is that fucking stupid. Especially no one who runs a successful business.

    1. You seem to be experiencing some kind of misanthropy failure. Go look in the mirror and smile, is it uneven? Do we need to send a doctor to your house?

      1. Probably. This broke my brain. I seriously can’t tell the difference between reality and parody anymore.

        1. A reality is just what we tell each other it is. Sane and insane could easily switch places if the insane were to become the majority. You would find yourself locked in a padded cell wondering what happened to the world.

          1. True, with one little change. The insane majority needs to all be insane in more or less the same way for that to happen. Usually sane people agree with each other for the most part and insane people don’t which makes it easier to sort out. But when you get collective insanity like this, it becomes hard to tell the difference.

  34. Once again, the terrorists win, America loses, everyone stands up and sings the national anthem while happily surrendering their rights.

    1. Herpadprrb america! Fuck yeah!

  35. I am so glad I stocked up before this went down. I have 2 pressure cookers. One even doubles as a pressure fryer. Hopefully the price of stuff to fill them with doesn’t skyrocket or even become hard to find.

    1. I’ve got an 80% cooker coming in the mail this week. Just gotta mill the lid.

  36. As long as it’s self imposed, I don’t really care.

  37. Don’t forget to remove the Mentos and soda bottles.

  38. I hoped this was a satirical post. Are you out of your mind? How does pulling cookware off the shelves show respect to anyone? You have taken stupid to an new level.

    1. Actually, using your email account as your forum handle might qualify as a smidge unwise, while we’re talking about stupid…

  39. We can only hope that the Home Canning Lobby prevails here.

  40. Owning a pressure cooker increases your chance of being killed by 2000%

  41. This reminds me of a hamburger joint that had to close permanently, out of “respect”, after a mass murder occurred there.

  42. Next….. clear plastic backpacks for all.

  43. We all know it was the pressure cooker that did the act so we need to ban all pressure cookers. We also know that those who wear backwards baseball caps are terrorists, we need to ban these caps so that these caps won’t pollute anyone else’s mind. It’s only logical. After all, Washington says it was an AR-15 that killed all those kids in Newtown, not the deranged person who held the gun.

  44. Anybody checked out the prices at Williams Sonoma? This deters more sales than any such policy ever will.

  45. ughh, people are retarded

  46. One point I have not seen brought out yet – there really is no specific advantage in using a pressure cooker to house an explosive device anyway. There could be a minor factor if they were using loose nitro-based powder (which they weren’t in this case) but that could be done with slight modification to any number of metal containers.

    In fact, if there was some reason to temporarily contain some level of back-pressure the modification to replace the pressure cooker’s rubber gasket with something more substantial would be about as much work as using a regular pot and drilling/pop-riveting the lid on.

    Short version ; the pressure cooker was a non-sequitur

    1. Doesn’t matter. Your trivial “facts” are no match for our emotional solidarity with the victims. Why do you Libertarians insist on inserting your ugly “facts” into everything?

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