A.M. Links: Supreme Court to Hear Arguments Against CA's Gay Marriage Ban, Most Americans Oppose Domestic Drone Strikes Against U.S. Citizens, TN Lawmaker Sponsors Bill to Abolish Civil Asset Forfeiture


Credit: UpstateNYer/Wikimedia
  • The Supreme Court will hear arguments today against California's Proposition 8, which banned gay marriage in The Golden State in 2008. 
  • According to a Gallup poll 71 percent of Americans oppose targeting Americans with drone strikes on American soil. 
  • Tennessee state legislator Rep. Barrett Rich (R-Somerville) has sponsored a bill that would require that the owner of a property be criminally convicted before law enforcement officials can seize property linked to the crime. 
  • A BitCoin ATM is to open in Cyprus as interest in the cyrptocurrency rises across Europe. 
  • A state judge has ruled that inmates on death row in Arkansas cannot use the state's open records law to get information about the history of quality or the origin of the drugs that will be used to execute them. 
  • Sen. Tim Johnson (D-S.D.), who chairs the Banking Committee, is expected to announce today that he will not seek re-election next year.  

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  1. According to a Gallup poll 71 percent of Americans oppose targeting Americans with drone strikes on American soil.

    So have your birth certificate visible.

    1. Don’t need it, just have the drone ask what the capital of Texas is.

      1. BZZZT – THE ALAMO?


        1. Or when you see one coming, just shout, “This statement is false!” and watch it explode in a flurry of logical contradiction.

      2. Don’t need it, just have the drone ask what the capital of Texas is.


        1. Not the cultural center, the capital.

          1. Texas has culture??

            1. Breakfast tacos and strippers don’t count?

      3. Cut Alaska in two and make Texas the third-biggest state.

        1. Ooh, snap!

        2. Only because Texas basically sold parts of what are now Oklahoma, New Mexico, Kansas, Colorado, and Wyoming upon joining the US, though.

      4. The “T”, obviously.

        1. *narrows gaze*

          Well, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt…this time.

          *begins polite applause*

        2. Very logical, Citizen.


      5. The capital of Texas??


        1. Damn you Quetzalcoatl!!!

          1. Haha, seriously? You have to refresh more than once an hour.

    2. I’d kind of like to know who the other 29% are…so I can be sure not to live near them.

      1. Yes, I noticed that as well and was horrified that there are that many. Jesus.

        1. More horrific is that 100% will vote for the same scum all over again, regardless.

    3. WTF is this fascination with *drones*?

      Seriously, a drone is just a mechanism. What percentage of Americans oppose “targeting” with sniper fire or polonium?

      1. “polonium?”

        The Ukrainian Soup Gambit?

        1. You can’t make soup from road apples and polonium.

          1. Sure you can.

            You probably wouldn’t want to eat it though.

            1. Still better than Panera Bread.

              1. And what shitty service. I quit using them as a caterer because they often lose orders. WTF?

      2. Most rifles aren’t remotely operated and equipped with infrared vision, cameras, and capable of reconnaissance

        1. Why does anyone *need* a rifle that is remotely operated and equipped with infrared vision, cameras, and capable of reconnaissance?

          1. why do the feds *need* a drone capable of those things on U.S. soil?

          2. Those javelinas aren’t gonna shoot themselves, now are they?

          3. How the hell is a rifle capable of reconnaissance? Do the magazines grow legs and they scout the terrain for the shooter beforehand?

            1. It’s called ‘Recon by Fire’.

              I shoot blindly, in order to get the enemy to react, revealing his position.

              It’s risky, because you are normally annnouncing to the enemy what your own position is.

              That’s why you want the remotely operated feature.

          4. Uhh, I have a problem with my neighbor’s cat getting into my garbage?

        2. Perhaps not, but any operator of a sniper rifle is. He is remotely operated and has infrared vision, cameras, and his primary job is reconnaissance. With a murder drone, you at least have a chance at knowing it’s there. People see them all the time in the Middle East. With a sniper, most people who are their targets will never have that chance.

      3. “Drone” has become a catchall for “due-process-free-killing”. Which is somewhat obvious; there are (several) commentary pieces lecturing on the pointlessness of focusing on drones given all the other means, which to me is vapidly missing the point.

        1. “Drone” has become a catchall for “due-process-free-killing”.

          I hate to sound elitist, but what percentage of Americans have even heard of “due process”?

          1. “I hate to sound elitist, but what percentage of Americans have even heard of “due process”?”

            an overwhelming majority. Your point?

          2. what percentage of Americans have even heard of “due process”?

            OK, then sub in “president says he can order a hit-style-killing”. Americans get that.

            And regardless of how stupid one thinks the electorate is (and I tend not to, but anyway…) it’s still just being pointlessly pedantic to say that the drone issue is irrelevant because other forms of extrajudicial assassination exist.

            1. For lulz, I’ll take an informal poll today.

              And I never said that the drone issue is “irrelevant”.

              1. Maybe not, but your passive-aggressive “devil’s advocate” stance says you don’t have a problem with it as long as the people you support are the ones doing the killing.

          3. I hate to sound elitist, but what percentage of Americans have even heard of “due process”?

            I’m guessing the millions of prisoners sitting in jail for victim-less crimes.

      4. Poison-tipped umbrellas.

    4. According to a Gallup poll 71 29 percent of Americans do not oppose targeting Americans with drone strikes on American soil.

      Sorry, still depressed.

    5. “So have your birth certificate visible.”

      I will be following Joe Biden’s advice — using my shotgun.

      1. Volunteering to be the first drone target?

  2. A BitCoin ATM is to open in Cyprus as interest in the cyrptocurrency rises across Europe.

    If only the interest rates would rise too.

    1. And then someone could post a wall on pinterest about the interest in the interest rates.

      1. You’re mixing metaphors. Posting on walls is for Facebook. Pinning on boards is for… goddamn it, why do I know this?!

        1. It was a Gayness test.

          And you just passed with flying rainbow colors, sweetie.

          1. Was it a gayness test or a hipster test? Or is that the same thing?

          2. Haha, unfortunately your test is flawed. “Has a wife” will show up as a false positive in this instance.

            1. Being married is the gayest thing there is.

              1. Judging from the fact all teh gheys seem to want marraige, you may be right.

    1. I wonder which one thought the most about eating the other one.

    2. As a precaution, Mole was shot by law enforcement.

      1. He was coming right at them!

    3. I was expecting The Enigma of Amigara Fault.


    4. I like “good dog” stories.

      Especially the ones where they don’t get shot in the end.

  3. Tennessee state legislator Rep. Barrett Rich (R-Somerville) has sponsored a bill that would require that the owner of a property be criminally convicted before law enforcement officials can seize property linked to the crime.


    1. does this mean that due process thingy is catching on?

      1. These are criminals we’re talking about. They don’t deserve due process.

    2. By the mid-1980s, the concept had further expanded to allow the government to seize property in a civil proceeding without bringing criminal charges against the owner.

      By the mid-2010s, the concept had further expanded to allow the government to seize property.

      1. By 2014, all property had been defined as belonging to the state.

        1. In AD 2101,
          war was beginning.

          1. 2112

            Okay, just part of it.

            Speaking of which, Im still hoping they play it in its entirety at their HoF induction next month.

            1. can you imagine if they were joined onstage by Public Enemy? yo, yo, yo The Temples of Syrinx, with Flavor Flav!

              1. Chuck D has said that Public Enemy may perform Tom Sawyer.

                I think he was kidding, but he was pumped about Rush going in with them.

                And there will be the jam at the end. The guitarist from Heart has already whined about how Rush songs are hard to learn.

                1. The skinny good looking chick of the Heart Sisters whined. Apparently she didn’t get into the band based on her guitar playing.

                  1. Are you shitting me John? Have you ever actually seen Nancy Wilson play guitar?

                    1. On a serious note, the induction is April 18th. Bergen-Belsen was liberated on April 15th.

                      I wonder if they will play this.

                    2. I consider Heart to be one of the bigger crap bands of the late 70s. So, no JW I haven’t.

                    3. Really? Crazy On You has some great licks.

                    4. :::shakes head:::

                      Here John, learn something.

                2. The guitarist from Heart has already whined about how Rush songs are hard to learn.

                  To be fair, she hasn’t been playing them for the last 30+ years straight.

                  1. Rush can’t even play La Villa Strangiato anymore, can they?

  4. Sen. Tim Johnson (D-S.D.), who chairs the Banking Committee, is expected to announce today that he will not seek re-election next year.

    Opening the way for him to sell out his constituents on gun control. Don’t worry South Dakota, the next Dem will be different. They promise.

    1. John Timson promises to not support any of the things you didn’t like, and to support the things you did like!

      1. John Timson’s 3 cent titanium tax doesn’t go too far enough!

    2. D-SD just has a nice symmetry to it. South Dakotans can’t help it if they’re an aesthetically minded people.

      1. Now I really want a Libertarian to win one of the seats in that state.

        1. One with an acid tongue.

        2. OMFG. I think I may have to move to SD just so I can run for office.

          1. Then some reason commenters will have to move there to vote you in. Since it’s South Dakota, how many do you think will be required? 3? 4? Maybe 5?

          2. People in SD will probably think the “L” means something else.

  5. http://theshadowleague.com/art…..or-nothing

    Sports article containing a high amount of idiocy? Rob Parker is writing again.

    1. To be fair, you should have specified “a high amount of idiocy for the genre.”

      1. Ah, so weapons-grade idiocy.

      2. The sports page, on average, contains less idiocy than the editorial page.

        1. Sports editorials, though? If an angry 4 year old could type 500 word screeds against his mother taking away his binkie, it would be better reasoned and more readable than sports editorials.

          1. Dan Shaughnessy is living proof of this. For that matter so is every Boston sports writer.

            1. And none are as bad as EJ Dionne.

    2. I couldn’t finish it but good lord is it tiresome reading about those poor, underpaid professional athletes and those evil, Monty Burns like owners.

      1. But the players work, the owners do NOTHING. It’s only fair to share the profits.

        Plus, fuck Brady. Ruined my fantasy team every week I needed him. Then piled on points in the weeks I’d already won.

    3. Somehow, I have a feeling Sloopyinca will be agreeing with Rob Parker.

      1. Somedays, I read his handle as Sloop Y Inca and have a mental image of a guy in full regalia dressed like Atahualpa sailing a small boat around. This amuses me, and I thought I’d share.

      2. Rob Parker is a dickhead.

        Fuck Tom Brady.

        That is all.

    4. I love this part

      Most weren’t bounced because of a lack of productivity; it was simply because their “cap number” was too high.

      He just can’t seem to get the concept that being paid more means you have to produce more. No one ever talks about Drew Bree’s cap number being too high.

      1. the presence of the cap is also what has prevented the NFL from resembling MLB where only a few teams genuinely contend and the rest play out the schedule. While the Goodell Parity Dream of the whole league going 8-8 is unlikely, few seasons are over by the first weekend in October.

        1. Last year was pretty fucking close. I mean, the 49ers and the Texans had excellent regular season records, but everyone else was all in a pack between 9-7 and 6-10.

        2. Yes. And the lack of guaranteed contracts has kept the number of slugs stealing money to a minimum.

        3. Eh, since the Super Bowl began, 20 teams have won the World Series, and 18 have won the Super Bowl.

          I don’t think the cap brings parity, any more then any other price controls do.

          1. Look at the baseball playoffs last year…a bunch of teams low on the overall salary side.

          2. Virginian,

            MLB also has a draft and does not allow free agency until five years of major league service, which is really six because teams don’t bring their top prospects up until after May 15th their first year so that it doesn’t count towards free agency. Those are effective price controls as well.

            1. Oh, I’m not saying it’s a free market. But MLB is certainly less regulated then the NFL.

              1. the free market argument is useless in professional sports. All leagues are, by definition, collectives. The survival of the whole is dependent on the health of each of the parts and the cap was implemented so that larger market did not mean, as it does in baseball, larger revenue and teh ability to have a larger payroll.

                Teams like the Pirates, the Royals, and the Brewers are not likely to ever win a World Series. In the NFL, you can go from 6-10 to the Super Bowl in a year, and after winning one, you can just as easily revert. The Ravens lost a lot of guys; your look to history ignores that this was not possible during the Steelers’ run of the 70’s or 49ers in teh 80’s.

                1. Baseball playoffs are such a crap shoot that if you make it, you have a 1 in 8 shot of winning the WS.

                  So if competently run, any of those could make the playoffs, which would give them a shot.

                  The Marlins pulled it off twice.

                  1. What Rob said. In baseball a single position, pitcher, can dominate the entire game. Get a hot pitcher and an inferior team can win. Baseball is more like hockey, where goalies can dominate than it is like football where it takes a complete team to win.

                    1. In baseball a single position, pitcher, can dominate the entire game. Get a hot pitcher and an inferior team can win.

                      The Mariners, Royals, Mets and Padres disagree.

                      Baseball is more like hockey, where goalies can dominate than it is like football where it takes a complete team to win.

                      It takes a complete team to win in all those sports. Yes, a goalie can carry you a far way but you still need 16 victories to win the Cup and if you don’t have any scoring and good defense you will not win.

                    2. The problem in baseball, unlike hockey, is that a single pitcher cant win you a series like a hot goalie can.

                      And a single pitcher cant get you to the playoffs.

                      But a bad baseball team is much closer to a good baseball team in record than a bad football or basketball team is to a good football or basketball team.

                    3. But Rob. A single hot pitcher can win you two games in a series and turn a seven game series into a best of five series. Inferior teams with hot pitchers have won for years. See e.g. 1988 Dodgers, 1990 Reds.

                    4. 1990 Reds werent inferior.

                      They had a dominant pitching staff. Yes, Rijo got hot and shut the A’s down twice, but Charlton/Dibble/Myers meant your starter only needed to throw 6 good innings anyway as you werent scoring in the 7th-9th.

                      But then again, Rijo was the A’s own damn fault, as they traded him to the Reds. And, baring injuries, he is a HoFer today.

                      Yeah, yeah, you can say that about 1/2 the pitchers in baseball history. But look at what he was doing in his prime, he was a serious threat to win the Cy every year if he could put together a full season. He had 6 straight years under a 3.00 ERA (1988-1993).

                    5. Fuck you John, the 1990 Reds are my favorite team of all time. Their pitching staff, as robc said, was phenomenal. They not only had a great rotation, they had a killer bullpen. They also had a roster in which most of the position players batted well north of .300 for the first month of the season and got hot again at the end of the year. You don’t sweep the 1990 A’s by being inferior.

                    6. I think John is thinking more of guys like Mike Scott in 1986, who damn near beat the Mets all by himself in the divisional series.

                    7. The Astros would have won if they’d made it to game seven with Scott pitching a third time.

        4. the presence of the cap is also what has prevented the NFL from resembling MLB where only a few teams genuinely contend and the rest play out the schedule.

          This is false. The key factor in the NFL’s “Parity” is the short schedule. And even then the parity is vastly overrated compared to MLB, where a higher amount of teams both made the final round of the playoffs and won championships in the past decade.

          We just had a huge real-life experiment of how salary caps fundamentally alter parity in sports with the NHL’s conversion from a MLB-type structure to a hard-capped NFL one. The short answer is they don’t.

      2. I think the sports writers like Brees becaue the smug mofo is the face of the Players’ Association.

  6. As Obama signs sequestration cuts, his economic goals are at risk

    Obama has repeatedly championed a set of government investments that he argues would expand the economy and strengthen the middle class, including bolstering early-childhood education, spending more on research and development, and upgrading the nation’s roads and railways. He has said his comfortable reelection victory in November shows the country is with him.

    But none of those policies have come close to being enacted. Instead, after returning this weekend from a trip to the Middle East, Obama is set to sign a government funding measure that leaves in place the across-the-board cuts known as sequestration ? a policy that undermines many of the goals he laid out during the 2012 campaign.

    aww… poor little fella.

    1. He has said his comfortable reelection victory in November shows the country is with him.

      That most of America doesn’t seem to give a shit about sequestration proves shows he’s wrong.

      1. As in the previous election, I think it just showed that the country was not with the lame Republican candidate more than with Obama.

      2. Crazy talk. All it proves is the messaging wasn’t good enough and too many people just don’t understand.

      3. That is the problem with running a completely dishonest campaign based on bullshit. It can get you elected. But when you don’t get what you want after you are elected, no one cares.

        1. ^^this x 100

      4. He got 66 million votes. I think his comfortable reelection victory in November with less than a third of eligible voters shows how few of the voting public you need to hook to become the “Most Powerful Man in the Free World”.

    2. What goal? Was he trying to get C rated debt even earlier or something?

    3. a set of government investments

      Aaaand, I quit reading.

  7. Some more about Defense Distributed.


    1. It’s weird that they call it the Gutenberg’s rifle. I mean yes, he was in the Police Academy series, but you don’t really associate him with rifles in that one. Tackleberry maybe.

      And then he was also in Cocoon, and I don’t even think there were any guns in that movie.

      1. Don’t forget Amazon Women on the Moon, which featured a young Rosanna Arquette walking around naked for an entire sketch.

        1. That movie is hysterical. Not quite as funny as the Kentucky Fried Movie. But still good.

    2. I still want to know what the barrel is going to be made of. Seems to me that that would still have to be metal. Not that barrels are hard to come by, but I keep seeing stuff about a completely printed gun, but it never addresses this question.

      1. At this point they’re printing AR-15 lowers and magazines. The lowers are the part that’s legally considered a gun. You can print one of these out and attach an upper built elsewhere.

        We’re years away from a technology that can print a workable barrel, bolt carrier group, etc.

        1. That’s about what I thought. It’s a great project, but a bit mileading to say they are almost to a point where they can print a whole gun.

          1. In the eyes of the BATFE, the lower IS the whole gun.

        2. We’re years away from a technology that can print a workable barrel, bolt carrier group, etc.

          Maybe. At current rates.

      2. Laser sintering printers already print parts for NASA. At some point that cost will come down to something an enthusiast could afford.

        1. I’m extremely dubious about the pressure containing capabilities of laser sintered parts, and I build high pressure (15K psi) equipment for a living. You’re loooking at pressure spikes in the 50-60K region. I don’t think SLS is going to be there for a long while. There’s reasons we forge damn near everything that contains pressure.

          1. From what I understand, barrels can be kludged fairly easily with relatively widespread machining.

            Could you get a sub-MOA barrel as a relative amateur? No, probably not. A servicable shotgun barrel? Easily. A servicable rifle barrel? Sure.

            1. if they could make ’em in the 19th century (rifled barrels), I’m sure it’s easy to do now.

              1. You basically need a lathe and a tube of steel.

              2. Barrels back then handled entirely different pressures and rounds. Making quality rifle barrels today takes fairly specialized equipment.

                There are three ways of rifling a barrel (cut, hammer and button). The “easiest” is button rifling.

                Someone could make a serviceable barrel at home. Making an accurate one is a different story.

  8. http://www.nationalreview.com/…..na-johnson

    Birthers fearing industry may die in 2016, go after Ted Cruz.

    1. Too bad Dan Rather’s not around, I could just whip up a Nicaraguan birth certificate in Word, give it to him, and then it would be settled science.

      1. He is still around. I bet he would take their call.

        1. I wonder if he knows the frequency yet.

    2. Thank god they are going after a Republican. They’ll probably be ignored like the deserve to be.

  9. http://pjmedia.com/tatler/2013…..omplained/

    Academic freedom!

    1. At some point Christians and Mormons are just going to start burning shit down and beheading people. That seems to be the only thing secular liberals understand. That approach has certainly worked well for Muslims.

      1. Tar and feathering is less lethal and would hurt the most vulnerable part of these idiots, their egos.

        1. Less lethal?

          You should familiarize yourself with the process. It often is lethal in a particularly horrible way.

          1. It’s less lethal in the same way a Taser is less lethal.

          2. Most of the tar used was warm-room temperature. Lots of people survived a tarring and feathering, so “often” is not accurate.

    2. Wasn’t the “stomp on Jesus” used in in Shogun to find the secret Christians among Blackthorne’s samurai. Related question, would the professor have offered full credit if the student had been willing to stomp on Mohammed’s name in lieu?

      1. Ding, ding, ding…..!

    3. I bet writing “Obama” and stomping it would’ve promoted critical thinking, too.

      1. Well he is the only deity!

    4. For extra credit, write “JESUS” on a paper bag filled with dog shit, place it outside the Vatican gate, set it on fire, ring the doorbell, and run.

    5. As one of the commenters pointed out, the student was showing some character by refusing to go along to get along. If it wasn’t for the public outrage due to publicity and FIRE the kid would have been screwed over by the school. Very “liberal” of them.

  10. Sen. Tim Johnson (D-S.D.), who chairs the Banking Committee, is expected to announce today that he will not seek re-election next year.

    Things on Capitol Hill not as much fun as they used to be. K. Street, here I come!

    1. Got to cash in before things change!

      1. The assumption that things are going to change is cute.

        1. “Change” meaning ‘harder for me to get mine’ – not any substantive change, mind you.

      2. I see what you did there…

  11. The CIA’s interrogation program deserves a public airing

    The Democrats on the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence have bequeathed to the lucky few with clearances a 6,000-page report on the Central Intelligence Agency’s enhanced interrogation program. Although such length suggests detailed intellectual promiscuity (the bipartisan 9/11 Commission Report ? a masterpiece that covered decades ? was a mere 567 pages, with notes), the senators who insist that a declassified version be released are surely right.

    Americans should assess whether Langley engaged in torture in its war against al-Qaeda. The country’s honor is at stake, not just the competence of its primary intelligence service. Neither the CIA nor national security is likely to be harmed if the behemoth were released with the necessary camouflage for operatives, tradecraft and foreign intelligence services.

    1. Reuel Marc Gerecht is clearly a racist.

    2. 6000pp=Intellectual promiscuity…that’s rich. Maybe they just used 45 point type?

      1. Got to leave room for the redactions.

    3. Americans should assess whether Langley engaged in torture in its war against al-Qaeda … Neither the CIA nor national security is likely to be harmed if the behemoth were released with the necessary camouflage for operatives, tradecraft and foreign intelligence services.

      Uhm, wouldn’t the exact nature of the “enhanced interrogation techniques” fall under the heading of tradecraft and therefore be redacted from an undclassified version along with names of agents, interrogatees and foreign intelligence agents?

      “Someone did something to someone else to make him talk. We then coordinated with someone from another country to launch a joint operation to take the bad guys down.” – What the fuck is that supposed to tell anyone? Other than BOOOOOSHITLER is teh BAD!

      Which is probably the real point. “People are starting to ask to many uncomfortable question regarding the Dear Leader’s WoT policies. Quick, look over here! BOOOOOOOSSSSSSHHHHHH!!!!111!!!!

  12. “Velociraptor” turkeys attack church-goers in Maryland

    A couple of tom turkeys are terrorizing folks in Frederick, harassing church-goers, drivers inside their cars, and cyclists.

    People are keeping a wary eye on Opossomtown Pike for the gobbling, pecking and scratching animals.

    “We were preparing our community dinner, which was turkey,” says Pastor Katie Penick of Faith United Church of Christ, whose daughter Meg was among the first attacked.


    1. Maybe they should have another dinner?

      *turns and eyes attack turkeys…*

    2. You’d think a place called ‘possumtown would have enough shotguns to solve this problem.

      1. This was my thought but hasn’t Maryland disarmed itself?

        1. Still, there has to be a cultural exception carved out for ‘possumtown.

          1. Don’t they still have cops? Call them and tell them they’re a breed of European show dog…..problem solved!

    3. My experience is that turkeys are damn stupid birds.

      1. Yes. They have basically overrun my parents subdivision. They would be wiped out to a bird if drivers didn’t stop and wait for the damned things to eventually get off the road. If we are ever conquered, I want it to be by an army of turkeys – dumbest occupiers ever.

        1. So you’re saying South Park is prescient?

      2. Try hunting them sometime. They are wile as hell. You would think a big stupid bird would be easy to hunt. But not so much.

        1. They actually aren’t wile. They just see well and spook super easily. Any movement they can see, which is virtually any movement within 100 yards of them that isn’t otherwise blocked, will send a wild turkey running.

          People-adjusted turkeys are fucking stupid.

          1. Many years back I was pet-sitting for ma parents and their 15-lb. cairn terrier. I took the dog for a walk on the mountain biking trails in the woods, and we scared up a turkey that must have had chicks or something. Damn thing just ran around in circles.

            The dog, who would have tried chasing deer, went nuts.

          2. I’ve had turkeys 200 yards away take off because I shifted a bit, but I’ll be damned if they won’t run right up to a foam turkey swinging around on a stake 5 yards in front of me.

      3. weird thing is that when I was a kid, I never saw wild turkeys – even up north at the family cottage. Now they seem to be everywhere.

        1. http://www.nwtf.org/conservation/

          When things are valuable, you get more of them. Same reason the African countries which ban hunting see a huge decline in their game population. If you can’t make money off them they’re just a pest that eats crops or cattle. n

          1. Yeah. South African farmers used to conserve their leopards for foreign tourists to shoot and accepted the occasional loss of an animal because they could make a lot more from hunting so the tradeoff was worth it. They banned export of leopard skins. Now the South African farmers shoot leopards on sight.

          2. ah, now I know. And knowing is half the battle.

            1. GI Joooooooooooooooooooe!

                1. I liked him better as Starscream.

            2. Yes, but Would You Like To Know More?

        2. I live right next to ~1000 acres of state forest. There’s a flock of about 20 turkeys somewhere in the state land, because they’ve shown up en masse in my driveway a couple of times.

          (There’s a small herd of about half a dozen deer too, and last summer saw the return of a couple bears — the ursine ones, not the gay ones.)

        3. I read somewhere that there are more turkeys in North America now than there ever have been before in the history of the world.

        4. Humungus, that’s even more true with deer. 40 years ago in Texas and Wisconsin (the two areas I’m familiar with) they were hard to find and only in certain areas.

          Now, they are everywhere, and some areas are overpopulated.

          1. Fucking rats with hooves.

            1. That is an insult to the intelligence of rats.

              1. They are much better eating than rats, though.

          2. I get the regular herd of 8-12 does with offspring in my backyard every other day or so. They have eaten every fucking thing, including the english ivy that was my ground cover in the backyard. At least we’ll have fresh meat for a while, when the apocalypse comes.

            Giant rats indeed.

            1. it’s only when they’re bionic rats that the trouble starts

  13. http://newsfeed.time.com/2013/…..-trend-now

    Thieves steal entire bridge in Turkey. Damn.

    1. Psst, hey buddy, yeah you, you want to buy a hundred feet of bridge, real cheap?

    2. Sounds like this crime belongs in Despicable Me.

    3. Well, at least now we know where in the world Carmen Sandiego was.

    4. In a lot of third world, out of the way, places, many bridges are military ‘Bailey Bridges’ which are meant to be able to be assembled and dis-assembled relatively quickly and almost entirely by hand.

      go – Joeee!

  14. http://www.timesdispatch.com/n…..78ef6.html

    Richmond City Council to get rid of background check, for justice…or to let our scumbag Mayor hire more of his criminal associates and friends. One or the other.

  15. Cyprus Bailout: Everything You Need To Know Before The Opening Bell

    1. The bailout will create a good-bank, bad-bank model and does raid deposits.

    2. It threatens to damage the lifeblood of Cyprus’ economy: foreign investment.

    3. Contagion risk is lessened, meaning the overhang on stocks?particularly bank shares?should be reduced.

    4. Life in Cyprus in the past week has been hellish.

    more detail in link.

    1. The bailout will create a good-bank, bad-bank model

      Well, OK.

      But no *templates*!

      1. Just so we’re clear, the “bad banks” were led to that behavior by express action of the EU.

        1. Just so we’re clear, the “bad banks” were led to that behavior by express action of the EU.

          No no no. The bad banks are a result of TEH CAPITULIZM and GREEDEE BANSTERZ! A FAILURE UV TEH FREE MARKETZ!

          1. I thought it was the short skirt; you bad, naughty bank!

      2. Also note that the head of the “Good Bank” (those are scare quotes) resigned today.
        … and Russians gangsters have already pulled most of their money out. Ta-Daa!

        1. “So it looks like we only 8B euro to back this bailout. Sorry, 6B. Sorry, 4B.”

        2. something about broken legs and soldering irons clears a man’s mind.

          1. Well, they left the overseas branches open for the ruskies convenience.
            No one knows exactly how much money has left Cyprus’ banks, or where it has gone. The two banks at the centre of the crisis – Cyprus Popular Bank, also known as Laiki, and Bank of Cyprus – have units in London which remained open throughout the week and placed no limits on withdrawals.
            TOP. MEN.

    2. Contagion risk is lessened,

      Not the contagion of more deposit confiscation, which seems to the STD du jour in Europe.


      The new “bail-in” model inverts the usual risk hierarchy for banks, moving depositors up the risk curve to save investors, bondholders, and insurers (which is to say, governments).

      People are going to start moving their liquid funds out of banks and into vehicles that are not as subject to seizure.

      1. the beginning of the end?

        Of course – based on the comments of the article above – the proles don’t seem to mind as long as it only effects “the rich”. Much like Obama’s class warfare.

        1. Until bail-ins are convincingly repudiated, banks are going to be impaired by lack of deposits and (I think) erosion of their deposit base. And that’s the best-case scenario, IMO.

          That’ll do wonders for the economy.

      2. I don’t care if Bitcoin really is seashells and large rocks…at least they are mine.

  16. Seattle school renames Easter eggs ‘Spring Spheres’

    “When I took them out of the bag, the teacher said, ‘Oh look, spring spheres’ and all the kids were like ‘Wow, Easter eggs.’ So they knew,” Jessica said.

    The Seattle elementary school isn’t the only government organization using spring over Easter. The city’s parks department has removed Easter from all of its advertised egg hunts.

    1. A chicken egg is rarely a sphere. No only are they being stupid about Easter, they have also proven they are not qualified to teach simple geometry.

      1. I thought plane geometry was simple geometry. This is three-dimensional geometry.

        1. And they are teaching the kids semantics as well.

          1. I’d have the children learn the word “hypocrisy” myself, and then have them ask to what extent it applies to their teachers.

      2. Honestly. They could at least have called them Spring Eggs. Or is there something un-PC about eggs that I don’t know about?

        1. I would guess it’s the alliterative effect that cause eggs to be called spheres.

        2. By definition, single cells are not diverse.

        3. “The incredible, edible sperm!”


          little cholesterol bombs is what they really are

          1. I thought eggs were good now.

              1. Eggs and butter have always been good, no matter what anyone says about their health benefits.

            1. I honestly can’t keep up

    2. The ACLU is succeeding in the really important issues.

    3. “So they knew,”

      of course, they knew. The kids always know when adults are engaging in the latest round of lunacy, from not keeping score to doing away with awards night. Every time sappy head-patters take one of these stupid steps, they erode their own authority and are not sharp enough to realize it.


      1. The pagans should be up in arms. It’s their traditions that are being spit on.

        1. they’re too busy having naked fun at sunrise to care

        2. My good pal Bill O insists that the secularists are going after Easter now because they’ve been thoroughly trounced over Christmas.

          1. Is that why there’s a dearth or festivities around Christmastime? There are fucking entire radio stations that switch formats specifically for Christmas, FFS.

            I’ll admit that secularists can be really fucking annoying when it comes to others celebrating their various religious holidays, but they haven’t killed anything. If anything, secularists have made me, an apatheist, want to defend different religious rites simply to bother them.

            1. Good ole Bill was crowing the other day about how the nasty secularists were destroyed in the War On Christmas by good folk like him. Apparently those nasty secularists had a sad and are now trying to destroy Easter. So look forward to Easter battles entering the culture war.

              1. So look forward to Easter battles entering the culture war.

                The quicker the culture war dies, the better off everyone will be, religionists and secularists alike.

                1. Agreed, but I think it’s here to stay.

      2. How do the geography books in Seattle refer to Easter Island?

        1. the Spring Atoll?

        2. I, for one, am just happy that we in Boston avoided getting hit with another Nor’Spring this past weekend.

        3. Big Stone Head earthen formation.

    5. So not only is Easter taboo… eggs are too? WTF?

      1. Try bringing a Kinder egg across the border.

        1. I did…two in fact. For my daughter.

          FYI – She didn’t choke on the toy.

          p.s. It goes to show the power of prohibition…I actually remember them as “good chocolate”

    6. At this point, Easter and Christmas are pretty much secular holidays for most people.

    7. Its funny, I was invited to seder at a friend’s house last night and they were all about the hardboiled egg. So this discriminates against Christians, Jews, and Pagan spring festival traditions.

      1. I love Passover. It’s the only time of year I can drink as much wine, eat as much brisket and have as many hard boiled eggs, without getting shit from the wife-unit.

    8. Maybe some good Christian could answer this for me…

      Is eating lamb on Easter supposed to be some kind of metaphor for partaking in the body of Christ?

      1. I’m not a Christian, good or otherwise, but supposedly it comes from the traditional sacrifice of a lamb during Passover, long before Jesus was around.

        1. My mom always made a cake in a lamb mold. But then, my mother was insane.

          1. My mom did the same thing.

          2. My mom always made a cake in a lamb mold. But then, my mother was insane.

            Is this Dr. Sheldon Cooper?

            1. Im not crazy, they had me tested

        2. I am a Christian, and I have never eaten lamb on Easter.


          The Passover explanation works for me. I have always found it weird that Easter and Passover arent on the same calendar. This year they are in sync, but it isnt always the case.

          Oh…and looking up info on that, I saw a specific reference to “the Passover lamb”, so, yes, that is a jewish tradition.

          1. From the retired pope:

            The central symbol of salvation history?the Paschal lamb?is here identified with Jesus, who is called “our Paschal lamb”. The Hebrew Passover, commemorating the liberation from slavery in Egypt, provided for the ritual sacrifice of a lamb every year, one for each family, as prescribed by the Mosaic Law. In his passion and death, Jesus reveals himself as the Lamb of God, “sacrificed” on the Cross, to take away the sins of the world. He was killed at the very hour when it was customary to sacrifice the lambs in the Temple of Jerusalem. The meaning of his sacrifice he himself had anticipated during the Last Supper, substituting himself?under the signs of bread and wine?for the ritual food of the Hebrew Passover meal. Thus we can truly say that Jesus brought to fulfilment the tradition of the ancient Passover, and transformed it into his Passover.

      2. Yes. It’s a holdover from the Passover meals. The rabbis would sacrifice a lamb to God as a form of penance. Christ was the ultimate “lamb” sacrifice to God, thus eliminating the old covenants and rituals of the Jews and allowing the commoners to achieve forgiveness without having to go through the rabbis.

        1. without having to go through the rabbis.

          Man, I read that quick and for a second wondered why they were concerned about the Cadbury bunny.

          1. “wondered why they were concerned about the Cadbury bunny”

            That thing has nasty, big, pointy teeth! It has a vicious streak a mile wide!

              1. Please tell me that’s her husband, doing penance for running his mouth.

                1. tragically, no. She lives with a hairdresser called Tim, which is almost as ridiculous

    9. Jesus H. Christ–the Easter bunny isn’t even a religious symbol. Kids see him as a spring version of Santa Claus because parents treat the holiday like 2nd Christmas after the tax returns come in.

  17. http://twitchy.com/2013/03/25/…..ins-chest/

    Ana Marie Cox bitter, flat chested, divorcee obsesses over Palin’s boobs. Followers prove Palin still can drive liberals completely bat shit insane.

    1. All things considered, no worse than the hate you would see for Pelosi on this blog. But, then again, Pelosi is a vile creature in just about every sense of the word.

      1. To be fair, Pelosi does actually hold some political power in a way that Palin doesn’t. If Palin was an ex-Speaker and current minority leader and had passed Obamacare, she’d probably get more hate around here.

        1. That is just it. If you ask the people on here why they hate Pelosi, they will give you a specific list of things Pelosi has done that they disagree with and think are awful. Ask that of a Palin hater and you will get some mumbling about Russia, being married, STUPID, and not killing her Down’s Syndrome Kid.

    2. Palin Derangement Syndrome is what I call it. It is bizarre.

      1. I think the best part was when some lefty told me that Sarah Palin was frigid and sexually repressed.

        1. It’s just insane. Why are they still thinking about her at all?

          1. Emoting, not thinking.

          2. She’s a good target for their daily 2 minute hate. It burns leftists that she is so damn successful. She has everything they say every good feminist should strive for: she was a high level politician, has multiple degrees, children, a husband who stays at home. She is the ultimate feminist. They’re just mad that she isn’t barefoot at home.

            1. They’re just mad that she isn’t barefoot at home. a leftist

              1. They’re just mad that she isn’t barefoot at home. a leftist fugly

        2. The “best” Palin remark I ever heard was a guy I worked with who casually said he saw a random lady who looked like Palin and he wanted to shoot her in the face, for looking like Palin. I was dumbfounded.

          1. I wanna shoot her in the face, too. But with a different gun. giggity.

    3. What does she think about Chuck Schumer’s moobs?

      1. Chuck Schumer’s Moobs: good username, or great username?

          1. meant to type: great password too!

    4. link to the pic in question?

      1. It is on the link I sent you.

        1. gotcha – reading too fast.

          yeah, Sarah is looking old, but hells bells, she’s almost 50.

          1. She was at a basketball game. No makeup or anything. She needs new hair. That harido is looking way dated.

  18. A state judge has ruled that inmates on death row in Arkansas cannot use the state’s open records law to get information about the history of quality or the origin of the drugs that will be used to execute them.

    “The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword.”

    1. “The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword.”

      In the county I used to prosecute in, there was maybe one judge physically capable of even picking up a sword, much less swinging it. Maybe they would have gone with lethal injection?

      1. Swords are heavy. Thank God for guns.

        1. Well really if you are being beheaded by it you kinda want it to be heavy so it goes clean through in one stroke

    2. “The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword.”


      1. Ned Stark.

        1. Ah, the Churchill of Middle Earth.

          1. More like the Charles I.

          2. Ned Stark.

            Churchill of Middle Earth

            Please tell me you’re mixing metaphors on purpose… Ned Stark in Middle Earth? Nerd. Rage. Rising!

        2. That’s Lord EDDARD Stark to you, buddy.

    3. “The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword.”

      Clearly this is a job for an editor.

    4. “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Live and direct from City Arena, and in color, we bring you Name the Winner, brought to you tonight by your Jupiter Eight dealers from coast to coast. In just a moment, tonight’s first heat. “

      1. “And first tonight, ladies and gentlemen, a surprise extra. In the far corner, a pair of highly aggressive libertarians. Strong, intelligent, with strange ways, and I’m sure full of a lot of surprises. And facing them, two favorites here from previous encounters – Bloomberg and Cuomo. “

  19. A BitCoin ATM is to open in Cyprus as interest in the cyrptocurrency rises across Europe.

    I simply don’t believe BitCoin will be allowed to flourish if it ever catches on. The US and other governments will complain about money laundering, terrorism, tax evasion, blah blah blah, and go after it hardcore.

    1. They already are. The US, at least.

      Still waiting for BitCoin and DeathAuction to be perfected so, like Flacco, I can finally be compensated for being the best in my field.

  20. this is for fellow connoisseurs of stupid names


    1. It is a shame. Big families are fun. Too bad we raised taxes and made raising kids so damned expensive and hard no one can do it anymore. You are better off being in a big family than being a little special snowflake protected and obsessed over by your parents. Big families give kids a chance to be left alone.

      1. my old man came from a family of eight. Extended family get-togethers were a mob.

      2. i knew the first five kids in a family of twelve. Their parents were nice, but they managed to produce stupid, ugly and really nasty kids, every goddamn one of them. Presumably they had to fight for eveery crumb between themselves. If Thomas Hobbes was writing a family show, it would be like them

        1. Six is about the limit. My mother’s family was 8 and my mother in law’s family was 9. In both cases the youngest two and three were not quite what the others were. But five or six is a good number. Better than just one. But people don’t do that anymore because taxes are so high and the nanny state has made raising a kid much harder than it once was.

          1. But people don’t do that anymore because taxes are so high and the nanny state has made raising a kid much harder than it once was.

            If you think that raising people don’t have 5 or 6 kids because of taxes, clearly you haven’t spent enough time raising kids.

            1. Taxes take the money. And the nanny state requires that everyone pay a lot more attention to each kid.

              1. If public schools weren’t such crap, I’d have gone for four kids. However, there was no way I could afford private school and college for four, while still retiring on my own terms, so I have two.

                So, it wasn’t taxes, per se, just a terrible, terrible application of those taxes.

            2. clearly you haven’t spent enough time raising kids.

              Pssst, he hasn’t spent any time raising kids. It’s why he’s an expert, ya know.

              1. That is right sparky. You are a poor oppressed parent. You know everything. Would you like me to bow down and kiss your feet? Wash your dick for you?

              2. In all seriousness sparky, do you deny that taxes are not much higher than they once were or that CPS and such and various other laws have made raising children much more cumbersome and harder than it once was?

                So what if you have kids? What if you are stupid? Having that kid didn’t necessarily make you any brighter or any more aware of the world around you. Sorry, not only is that an appeal to authority, it is not even a good appeal to authority. I am sorry you hate your life and don’t want more kids. Your experience may not be typical.

                1. do you deny that taxes are not much higher than they once were or that CPS and such and various other laws have made raising children much more cumbersome and harder than it once was?

                  I’m sure the total tax burden doesn’t help.

                  Can you tell me how CPS or other laws have made raising children more cumbersome? Outside of child safety seats — which I would use regardless of the law — and bicycle helmets — which I ignore — I can’t think of anything.

                  1. You can’t discipline your kids, and it is not just spankings I am talking about, even the old standby sending them to bed without supper risks intrusive questions by teachers with implied threats of CPS visits and gods forbid they actually get a bruise, I had one do-gooder notice that my son (then 7 had a bruise on his back) while standing in a restroom in a Restraunt, he was so helpful that he called 9-11 and I have the fun experience of being interviewed by the cops for possible child abuse right there in the parking lot.

                    Of those helmets you dismiss, guess what, if you let your kids ride a bike without them that is child neglect, and all it takes is a snarky or fueding neighbor and you have a whole host of problems.

                    Oh, want to put 3 kids in the same bedroom, sorry but that is borderline illegal in most places, close enough that you probably have to rent at least a 3 bedroom apartment rather than a 2.

                    Oh yeah on those carseats, they aren’t just for babies anymore. In some places they are required for kids up to 10 years old.

                    Babysitters are now effectively required at least until one of your kids is 13 and if you really want to be safe 16, when I was a kid everyone I knew was a latchkey kid from about 4th grade on up.

                    Hell, just letting your kids go outside and play “unsupervised” (ie while you are inside doing housework) in a dead end upper middle class subdivision is “evidence” enough to substantiate a CPS child neglect investigation.

                2. In all seriousness sparky, do you deny that taxes are not much higher than they once were or that CPS and such and various other laws have made raising children much more cumbersome and harder than it once was?

                  How would I know that? I have two children now and the reason I didn’t have more was not because of the tax burden. I simply didn’t want to have more children and my wife agreed.

                  Seriously John, you’re such a douchebag most of the time. You respond to every post as if you’re the world’s greatest authority on whatever is being discussed. You somehow have the answers to why all parents aren’t having more children even though you have no children yourself. I wish you would bow down and kiss my feet, and wash my dick while you’re down there but that would probably be a bit awkward.

                  Your experience may not be typical.

                  That’s pretty rich coming from you.

                  1. Johns point was not that people consciously think “gee my tax burden is so high I don’t think I want any more kids”

                    His point was that the tax burden is so high that people cannot afford the kids whether they wanted them or not, it is unlikely that anybody actually notices on a daily basis just how high their tax burden actually is since so much of it is embedded in the prices we pay for goods and services or extracted from our pay before we ever see it.

                    He is mostly correct on this however it is not just the tax burden, which is up (although not very much at the Federal level, most of the increase has been State and Local) however the regulatory burden of being a parent is likely at least as much to blame.

                    1. His point was that the tax burden is so high that people cannot afford the kids whether they wanted them or not

                      So you’re going to defend John’s point with anecdotal evidence and mind-reading too? If the problem is money, why aren’t the mega-rich having dozens of kids? Are you really making the argument that I didn’t want more than two children because I couldn’t afford them and not because I didn’t want to raise more than two?

                      I’ve never had any problems disciplining my children. I’ve never had any problems letting them play outside alone. My 12-year-old son walks home from school every day by himself. He even stops at the grocery store to buy a drink by himself from time to time.

                3. Actually, the income tax was a lot higher back before the 80s, so…yeah?

                  1. No it wasn’t.

                    The top marginal rate was higher, the effective taxes were slightly lower at the Federal level, at the state and Local level they were even lower and just as importantly services which used to be provided for free with those state and local taxes are now separate for fee servcices (for example trash removal, in most cities used to be paid for by taxes, now nearly everywhere you have to contract with a private service to remove your trash, schools used to supply all of the stationary supplies your kids would need, now the supply list you are expected to send with the kids costs pretty close to $100 per student, etc)

      3. Big families Good parents give kids a chance to be left alone.

      4. Also, this suprised me:

        Next year, the number of couple families without children will overtake couple families with children, according to Bureau of Statistics projections (just over 40 per cent won’t have children, while just under 40 per cent will).

        Over 40% of couples in Australia don’t have children? I look forward to the Aborigines repossessing the continent.

        1. Who would want to raise children in that death trap?

          1. Says the person who has never been there.

            1. Touche. I was merely going by stories of poisonous spiders, snakes, and blood sucking drop bears.

                1. They always forget the dingos… *chuckle*…

                  1. How many of those 40% without kids used to have kids, and still would, but for the dingoes?

        2. No chance. It’s honestly likely to be islamic immigrants.
          The death rate amongst Aborigines is tremendous. And most die young.

      5. 2 or 3 is good, I think.

      6. They’re only expensive if you work for a living.

    2. Since the break-up of her marriage last year, Mrs Martin has cared for her children alone.

      So 11 was dandy, but goddammit the 12th broke hubby’s back?

      1. Number 12 was breakup sex.

    3. Aren’t all Australians named Bruce and Sheila?

      1. “We’ll call you ‘New Bruce'”.

  21. Did China Just Declare War On Apple? Sure Looks Like It.

    The Xinhua reporting was notable in that it was the second attack on the iconic American brand in as many weeks. On the 15th of this month?World Consumer Rights Day?China Central Television severely criticized Apple’s warranty practices.

    The state broadcaster’s annual investigative program, “3.15,” noted that the company discriminated against Chinese iPhone owners, offering shorter guarantees than in other countries, using refurbished rather than new parts, and shirking after-sale obligations. Last August, Apple modified its policies, but Xinhua said they were still “unfair.” The company’s repair practices “caused some provincial consumer watchdogs to include the firm on a ‘company integrity’ blacklist.”

    1. Anyone else have everyone in their family refer to pomegranates as ‘Chinese Apples’?

      1. Must be a Whiterun Hold thing.

      2. No, but interestingly that’s what they call an orange in Dutch.

        1. Apfelsine in German, with spelling and pronunciation variants in a bunch of languages, including non-Germanic languages like Russian and Finnish.

          Hungarian, on the other hand, uses the same root as Spanish (narancs/naranja).

      3. I’m pretty sure no one in my family ever gave pomegranates so much as a thought.

  22. http://www.timesdispatch.com/n…..87971.html

    Somehow if Henrico County doesn’t pass a meals tax, then the children will go uneducated. The sons of the county will pimp the daughters on the streets of Richmond City, who has an enlightened tax policy which allows for plenty of funding for schools.

    Yet somehow, people keep moving to the county for better schools. Crazy how that works.

    1. It is almost as if the students rather than the budget make the school

      1. You mean teachers unions might have been less than honest about the all-importance of funding in education?

        My world. It’s shattered.

        1. I really can’t tell you how bizzaro world that piece is. Richmond City is ok for an urban school system, but it’s still an urban school system. Bloated admin salaries, idiotic teachers, lots of graft.

          It’s just a fact that people often move to Henrico after their kids enter school, or at least when they get to middle school age. Because the Henrico schools are so much better.

          But if there isn’t a meals tax passed then ZOMG!!!!

  23. Mark Kelly’s (Mr. Gabby Gifford’s) ‘Assault Weapon’ Purchase Rescinded By Dealer

    A Tucson gun store owner has decided to rescind the sale of a military-style rifle to Mark Kelly, the husband of former U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, after Kelly said he had intended the purchase to make a political point about how easy it is to obtain the kind of firearms he’s lobbying Congress to ban.

    Kelly’s March 5 purchase of an AR-15-style rifle and a 45.-caliber handgun at Diamondback Police Supply sparked a frenzy of reaction from both sides of the debate after he posted to Facebook a photo of himself shopping.

    1. They shouldn’t have let him off the hook. I would’ve invited a news crew to go with me on the delivery.

    2. He’s not letting a tragedy go to waste.

    3. Now he’s claiming it was some sort of political stunt? Of course it’s easy for a goddamn NASA astronaut to get an AR-15, ferchrissakes.

      These people. I don’t even…

  24. The Bizarre History of Insect Head Transplants

    The transplantation process was not complex. He’d grab two insects, cut off their heads with sharp scissors, and switch them. The fluid that the insects themselves leaked cemented the new heads in place. After a little time — a 1923 article says a few weeks — the insects were healed up and doing whatever their new heads told them to do. Finkler claimed that the heads of female insects on male bodies continued female behavior, and the head of one species of butterfly kept the habits of its own species, even when its body belonged to a different species.

    and that’s how Tony was born.

    1. TED S., I SUMMON THEE!!!

      1. Was this posted ages ago, or is this one of those obnoxious articles that runs to multiple pages for no good reason?

        1. Gawker media, so I’d go with the second one.

  25. French drinking less wine

    1. Because why not kill off the last remaining redeeming thing about the country.

      1. There’s still calvados.

        1. Are we forgetting cognac?

          1. And fois gras and pete.

            1. and Serge Gainsbourg records

              1. Pete and r?peat were sitting in a bateau…

              2. He prefers “Pierre”.

                1. Unfortunately Pierre has moved on.

    2. Let them drink molten platinum.

    3. At dinner, wine is the third most popular drink after tap and bottled water. Sodas and fruit juices are catching up fast and are now just a short way behind.

      Bienvenu le obesit? americain!

  26. Dare you wear dungarees?

    1. Those are overalls! Dungarees are work jeans.

    2. All these bitches
      staring at my britches,
      Put ’em in a trance
      when I wear track pants,
      My dungarees
      make them hungry
      They’re over the Moon
      when I don pantaloons.

      1. +1 Sugar lump

  27. Since Dorner was killed instead of captured (like there was a chance that he would have been allowed to speak in court anyway) some of the reward is being withheld.

    1. He had names to name.

      There is a reason cops started shooting elderly oriental women in a truck that didn’t even match the description of Dorner’s. They were in panic mode that any one of them could be implicated in official wrongdoings.

      1. Official wrongdoings? More like a culture of violence and corruption.

        The way I read Dorner’s story was that he was a good cop who tried to report a bad cop, only to find out that good cops are not welcome on the force.

        This is why I do not believe that good cops exist. If they did then bad cops would be punished.

        1. So then Dorner wasn’t a good cop? Or did good cops once exist, but have since died out? Maybe we can clone them after we’re done with the dinosaurs, saber tooth tigers, and dodo birds.

        2. He was a good cop who shot an innocent Monica Quan and her fianc?. You know, because of all the pressure of being a good cop.

          1. He snapped after having his life ruined for the crime of ratting out on one of his fellows. I don’t blame him for what he did. I’m not saying it was right, but I can understand his point of view.

            1. Being fired from LAPD is having your life ruined? It’s understandable to you to go on a rampage and shoot innocent people because of that?

              I thought it was pretty easy to get rehired as a cop, people are bitching about that all the time. Or is it only the evil cops who find it easy?

              1. Or is it only the evil cops who find it easy?

                Basically, yes. Abusing peasants is a perk of being a knight. A knight who reports other knights for abusing peasants will have his knighthood revoked, never to be employed by the king again.

                1. So Dorner went on a innocent-murdering rampage that was understandable because he was a good cop and getting fired meant his life was ruined, since he could never ever get another cop job again once he was outed as a good cop.

                  Whereas bad cops who get fired can just get another job down the road because they system loves bad cops so their lives are never ruined.

                  None of this sounds a little off to you?

                  1. Who’s going to hire a rat?

                    1. What does that have to do with him murdering innocents?

                    2. Look. I didn’t say what he did was good and right. I said that after being blacklisted from his life’s dream for trying to do the right thing, I can understand why he snapped. Holy fuck some of you people can be dense.

                    3. Wait, you mean you can intellectually understand someone else’s position without condoning it? UNPOSSIBLE!!1!!

  28. Oh, and the Daily Mail’s got nuthin today.

    1. The pictures from the top of the Great Pyramid they had on yesterday were amazing.

    2. I appreciate your efforts Sarc – saves me the time of wading through it!

    3. I assumed you weren’t posting because their website was taken over by hackers.

  29. Berkeley Moron Resurrects Stupid Email Idea From The 90’s

    The most courageous politician in California ? probably the nation ? is a Berkeley city councilman, Gordon Wozniak. His gutsy act: proposing that the government tax email.

    Yes, sacrosanct, time-gobbling, out-of-control email.

    “I got a lot of nasty emails nationally,” he says.

    1. Yes, sacrosanct, time-gobbling, out-of-control email.

      Notice how anything they want to do, no matter how selfish, is always turned into something that is good for the people they are victimizing.

    2. I think it should cost people a nickel to send me email. If corporations would dock their HR departments a dime a recipient, it would make them much more productive and successful.

      1. it should cost people a nickel to send me email.

        Better yet, the cost should be based on the content.

    3. whenever a politician who wants to raise tax is hailed as “courageous,” what follows bends the needle on the derp-o-meter.

    4. It’s a series of tubes and a tax on every tube I say!

    5. Wozniak? Any relation?

    6. With email protocols so open and freely available, what in the hell makes him think that the government could even begin to levy a tax on email?

      In order for a tax like that to by implemented, it would require that everyone install government software on their computers to monitor the sending and receiving of email. Draconian doesn’t even begin to describe it.

  30. c’mon, this should be red meat to this lot:

    The Hobbit house that may be knocked down: Eco-friendly couple built home from straw and wood… but without planning permission

    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..z2OeTrsSES

    1. Don’t make me defend cosplay enthusiasts.

    2. Consider me outraged.

    3. Why do they think they have the right to ignore planning laws? It’s not up to them to decide whether it’s suitable for the area or not. If nothing else, all that wood must constitute a fire hazard.

      – Kate , London, United Kingdom, 26/3/2013 13:05

      The comments are hilarious. They run the gamut Kate up there who can’t believe houses are made out of lumber (bureaucratic paperwork is flame retardant) to others who think the house is too adorable to knock down (presumably an illegal doublewide being used as someone’s home would be fair game for the dozers).

    4. Freedom means taking orders and asking permission.

    5. Inside and out, the quaint single-storey construction appears as though it has been completed using set designs from the Hobbit or Lord of the Rings.

      Did these people watch/read some other Lord of the Rings/ Some other Hobbit? This looks nothing like a hobbit hole.

      “…it was a hobbit hole, and that means comfort”

      Bag End was not some tawdry bit of ecostruction, like this mess–why, it doesn’t even have a round door, it was a proper house.

      That said, the council should foad.

  31. Plot to kill Bieber still a go.

    1. “Would I go to bed with him?” Martin asks himself in the profile. “Yeah. He’s legal, so probably.”

      So he’s castrate and murder Bieber, but statutory rape is a bridge too far, apparently. This is particularly odd as the guy raped and murdered a 15 year old girl

      1. Once burned, I guess.

      2. What do you mean? Its sick brilliance. Now he has a paper trail to present at the next parole board hearing of his reform.

    2. Bieber has testicles?

      1. Almost – he’s the celebrity spokeperson for these, i belieb.

  32. http://www.dailykos.com/story/…..e-Drug-Use

    This guy could use a hug.

    1. Can’t give that dangerous lunatic Rand Paul an inch.

    2. And seriously, wouldn’t this same guy argue that justice requires taking most of Bush’s money, as well as HW’s money when he passes, because their fortune was accumulated due to pure luck? Yes, Bush didn’t get in trouble in part because he was born into a powerful family… and I’m sure this guy would be quick to agree that this was itself luck.

      Hence, Bush didn’t get in trouble because he was lucky.

  33. http://blogs.wsj.com/speakeasy…..ny-or-die/

    Yes, because Charlton Heston is such an important gun-control target.

    1. I could almost forgive them for being so stupid if they were not so boring and unfunny.

      1. You would think Jim Carrey would have learned to keep his mouth shut after making a full out of himself when he joined his ex-girlfriend Jenny McCarthy’s anti-vaccination campaign.

        1. *fool

  34. http://www.weeklystandard.com/…..11998.html

    In the first three months of the year, members of the first family have been on three vacations, averaging a vacation a month. And now it’s being reported that the first daughters are on a spring break vacation in the Bahamas.

    No class.

    1. I dipped into my emergency food for the last two days before payday a couple weeks ago.

      Fuck these people.

      1. So I’m sitting there with thermostat down, eating Ramen and canned chicken, and they’re on the fucking beach before deciding which five star dining they will enjoy today.

        So why exactly are we stopping Al-Qaeda from nuking DC again? Other then Bens Chili Bowl and the Washington Monument I mean.

        1. But they care about you Virginian. They really do.

        2. Now that all the Ethiopians are moving to Alexandria and Arlington, they can go right ahead and nuke DC for all I care.

          1. As long as Capitol Hill and Columbia Heights are ground zero.

            1. And Petworth and Shaw and K Street. It’ll need to be a bigass bomb.

              1. Oh, and Logan Circle.

                1. Just take off and nuke the site from orbit.

    2. I get 15 days of off time (including sick days) per year. And my Ma has cancer. So I only get to see her maybe 2 weeks a year if I’m lucky. Fuck the Emperor.

      1. If I here one nitwit tell me how he cares about people, I am going to commit an act of violence.

        1. This is hysterical. I’m not sure if you meant to do this to yourself, John.

          John| 3.26.13 @ 10:01AM |#

          But they care about you Virginian. They really do.

          1. hehehe

            I think the “he” is Obama. You know how progtards believe their politicians are caring, and not sociopathic monsters.

          2. It is called sarcasm Sparky. See when I posted the 10:01 am voice I was being sarcastic and talking like the typical Obama supporter. I didn’t mean it literally. In fact I meant it just the opposite. They don’t care at all despite what their supporters say.

            Did you really not get that?

            1. I get it John. For fucks sake, get your panties out of your crack. The humor was just in the text.

              1. Yeah, I thought that was a bit self-evident m’self.

      2. My wife gets 13 days.

        And as a stay-at-home dad, we actually have to SHARE those 3 days of sick time. If I’m too sick to do my childcare duties, she has to take a day off in order to cover for me.

    1. That makes me uncomfortable. If he can fix that song…

    2. this killed the metal cover of dumb pop genre with its awesomeness

      1. I’ve seen Bodom cover this live.

        It was awesome.

    3. That blue guitar in the background, it’s never been touched.

      Don’t even look at it!

    4. Skyrim Theme meets metal

      Should be popular with commenters here.

      1. My son is crazy about this one.

        1. Haha, Nice.

  35. Missing dough found after bakery robbery

    1. Hey, its not like he stole something really valuable and Canadian…like maple syrup. It was just a bag of Loonies and Twonies, yes?

      1. Loonies and Twonies are the reason I don’t visit Canadia more often. By lunch, I have 15 fucking pounds of coins threatening to pull my pants to the ground, and no one wants to see that.

  36. Whoops. Now where did I put that vial?

    Officials say a vial containing a virus that can cause hemorrhagic fever has gone missing from a research facility in Galveston, but say there’s no reason to believe there’s a threat to the public.

    1. Top. Men.

    2. Anyone suffering any sudden, unexplained bleeding from the eyeballs is asked to contact their nearest Vault-Tec facility.

      Have a nice day.

    3. It is not believed to be able to survive in U.S. rodents or to be transmitted person-to-person.

      Hence the *research* part.

  37. Is everyone getting the 315 anniversary of Prokop Divi? on the Google home page graphic thing or are they just serving it to Czech IP addresses?

    1. I mean birthday.

      1. think it’s just you buddy

        1. Thanks.

          Oh Google and your cute little localizations.

  38. According to a Gallup poll 71 percent of Americans oppose targeting Americans with drone strikes on American soil.

    And the other 29% are power fellating shitheels.

    1. +1 for proper and fitting use of “shitheels”.

  39. http://www.reuters.com/article…..6520130326

    I know ignoring the crazy fuck is generally the thing to do. But this is getting to be worrisome.

    1. Isn’t he acting up because we ignore him? Was his artillery not “combat ready”? They weren’t targeting American positions before?

      1. Yes he is acting up because we are ignoring him. The risk is that he miscalculates and talks himself into such a corner that he has to start a war or lose control of his own country or he does something that elicits a response that escalates into war.

        We are on our second idiot son here. It wouldn’t surprise me if the clown is really no kidding functionally retarded. So I don’t have a lot of faith in his ability to skirt the line between war and ordinary extortion like his father and grandfather did.

        1. Yeah, I can’t see the pre-natal care being all that great in NK, even for the elites. It wouldn’t surprise me if each successive generation was a little more retarded than the previous.

      2. Press conference you’ll never see:

        Reporter: What’s teh White House reaction to the Kim Jong Un’s latest provocation?

        Carney: Who?

        Reporter: The dictator of North Korea.

        Carney; Oh, that’s his name? What’d he say?

        Reporter: Umm, that he was targeting the US with his missiles.

        Carney; He has missiles? Well, I doubt he has as many as we do, so I as far as I know our reaction to anything he says is “Sure, whatever.”

        1. That sounds nice. But I really don’t want to see Guam, Hawaii and South Korea destroyed even if it does mean lancing the boil that is North Korea.

          1. North Korea will be able to conduct offensive operations for about 12 hours on any surprise attack.

            After that, not so much; the U.S. will rapidly acheive air superiority. The B-52’s will move in, and then it’s pretty much game over.

            If I remember my Patton, he basically said that troops are good for 48 hours of continuous combat maximum. The North Korean soldiers are malnourished – I think after 24 hours their get-up-and-go will have got-up-and-went. They’ll be on foot, because any vehicles will get shot up by A/C. While prepared air defenses north of the border may get them some respite, south of the border, they’ll be at the mercy of helicopter gunships that will be able to attack at will. They might be able to push south carrying packs with nothing but ammunition, plundering South Korean homes and stores as they go for food. However, the very act of plundering is going to erode discipline and cohesiveness. And they’ll be limited to whatever they can carry.

            Their C^2I will be crap because they lack advanced communications equipment. What they do have will probably be listened in on. So the South Korean Army will have a much more rapid decision cycle and will be able to isolate, attack and destroy North Korean units piecemeal while the Northerners are trying to get reinforcements organized.

            It will be a fucking slaughter. North Korean soldiers’ survival rates will be on a par with that of the guys who marched on Russia under Napoleon’s banner.

            1. I am with those that say the invasion of South Korea ends at the first corner grocery store.

            2. We would destroy them. But they would get a couple of good blows in. It would be a real shit sandwich.

  40. http://www.politico.com/story/…..html?hp=l1

    Stand with Rand 2: Stand Harder

    1. And the comments linked to this gem:

  41. Happy Nancy Pelosi’s birthday everyone!

    1. what are the traditional American ways of celebrating this important day?

      1. Go out and rob as many people as possible.

      2. Cheating on your taxes.

      3. Emigrating to Australia.

      4. “We Have to Pass the Bill Birthday Card So That You Can Find Out What Is In It”

    2. Is she 666 today?

    3. Is celebratory gunfire appropriate?

      1. Only if aimed at the Guest of Honor. Follow all the rules!

  42. “Rand Paul, GOP senators threaten filibuster on guns”


    1. Will Rand and Ted wear adult diapers and stock on bottled water, pretzels and Excedrin?

      1. I think they’re doing the paper filibuster this time

  43. “WASHINGTON (Reuters) – Banks wrote off $3 billion of student loan debt in the first two months of 2013, up more than 36 percent from the year-ago period, as many graduates remain jobless, underemployed or cash-strapped in a slow U.S. economic recovery, an Equifax study showed.”


    1. How does non-dischargeable debt get written off? Do the banks just forgive it and throw it away?

      1. I would guess they do what other companies do with uncollectable accounts. You sell it off for pennies on the dollar to a collection agency and book the loss.

        1. It may go as high as $0.10 since it can’t be discharged, and some portion of these people are going to come into something resembling assets.

    2. What the fuck is underemployed mean other than “this guy has a fucking useless degree and is hence working at the local Starbucks?”

      1. I have two part time jobs. What does that get filed under in the stats? Probably as two jobs created or saved.

      2. If you have a philosophy or social science degree, I believe this is referred to as ‘overemployed’?

  44. http://www.jammiewf.com/2013/m…..-sea-lion/

    My guns: 0 deaths

    Mark Kelly’s dog: 1 death

    1. We should have a conversation about dogs killing baby sea lions! Bwaaaaaa!

  45. Tennessee state legislator Rep. Barrett Rich (R-Somerville) has sponsored a bill that would require that the owner of a property be criminally convicted before law enforcement officials can seize property linked to the crime.

    That’s just crazy talk!

    1. Ya, Barret Rich? Name doesn’t sound Somalian. But he is apparently and anarchist.

  46. The president made FIVE early morning trips to the gym at the nearby Marine Base at Kaneohe Bay.

    I bet he just goes in there amongst the jarheads and does his regular workout. Works in with them, spots for them if they ask, joshes around, acts like a regular human being.

    He wouldn’t have the base commander order the place cleared so the Secret Service can establish a secure perimeter and keep the rabble from disrupting his noble thoughts. Would he?

    1. I guarantee you that’s what happens. Which, to be fair to him, is standard procedure. He’s not the first President they clear rooms for, who gets swept from spot to spot with his every need attended to.

      I mean, these guys go four or eight years without ever opening a door, going to the dry cleaners, taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, fixing their own coffee, driving a car.

      Pretty much everything you and I do on a daily basis, with the exception of personal hygiene, is handled for them. Those kids are going to be the most spoiled children in the history of children.

      1. “Mr. President, we can’t have you getting hemorrhoids and risking infection. Jimmy here is a GS-14 and will be wiping your ass for you.”

    2. Condi used to have the State Dept gym cleared before she went into work out. The gym that people pay for – it’s not a “perk”.

  47. Loonies and Twonies are the reason I don’t visit Canadia more often. By lunch, I have 15 fucking pounds of coins threatening to pull my pants to the ground, and no one wants to see that.

    Reminds me of my first trip to Australia. I found myself asking, “Where the fuck did all my money go?” until I figured out there was about a hundred dollars’ worth of change in my pocket.

  48. Steam and Amazon are both running buy Bioshock, get XCom for anyone who is into gaming and didn’t pick up the XCom reboot. I can’t wait to get done with work.

    1. XCom was … weird. I’ve never played any of the older ones, but I picked up Enemy Unknown. It’s one of those games that’s ridiculously easy in the beginning then all of a sudden becomes incredibly challenging. You end up with snipers with a 90% hit chance that miss more often than they hit.

      1. The original was like that, too. You’d get to the point where you could fight off all the incursions, no problem and then get completely fucked over clearing the bases. I still play the original.

  49. How does non-dischargeable debt get written off?

    Written off, sold to the Federal Reserve, same thing.

  50. “A state judge has ruled that inmates on death row in Arkansas cannot use the state’s open records law to get information about the history of quality or the origin of the drugs that will be used to execute them.”

    When my sweet dog was put down two years ago, it was done with three separate injections. She did not research the protocol. If it’s good enough for a dog, it’s good enough for convicted killers.

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