The Sequester of Doom! Now as Mockable Comedy Fodder


Aside from the assumed cluelessness of President Obama about budgets, finance and anything involving money, my favorite bit from this Saturday Night Live opener involves the "inner-city public school teacher … who worked in one of Philadelphia's worst school districts." She confronts her upcoming sequester-of-doom layoff with the words, "this is the greatest day of my entire life."

Oh, if only real government employees were getting to enjoy such a "greatest day" because of the sequester-of-doom's modest decrease in the rate of increase in federal spending. Lots and lots of them. Instead, federal spending will rise from a meager $3.538 trillion in fiscal 2012 to $3.553 trillion in fiscal 2013. How will the nation survive if NASA is beaten to Mars by private enterprise?

And, if we're so dependent on the policy preferences and spending choices of a few hundred of this nation's less-impressive specimens in Washington, D.C., isn't it time to consider kicking the habit?

NEXT: Bible Quotes on Toilet Paper Draw Criticism From Norwegian Church Leaders

Editor's Note: We invite comments and request that they be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason at any time. Report abuses.

  1. I’m not going to lie to everyone, the sequester has me literally scared shitless. When it goes into effect, we’re going to be looking at a pretty dire situation.

    1. You mean more pictures of Obama and Boehner almost kissing? That does chill one to their very soul doesn’t it.

  2. I do like that the first thing Obama says in the sketch is that he doesn’t understand how budgets or money work.

    1. how long before SNL reports of being harassed, hassled, and threatened by the White House for such heresy?

      1. SNL really has no other political targets at this point. They could do Boehner or McConnell, but that would leave most of the viewing audience scratching their heads.

  3. “the sequester could jeopardize missions to asteroids and even Mars planned for the 2020s and 2030s”

    Good. No shit off my ass.

    1. If only there was, you know, a private company that could do that??

      Oh, right.

  4. isn’t it time to consider kicking the habit?

    Sure the sequester is scary, JD, but do we really need to take it out on the nuns?

    1. I hope a Sister swats you on the knuckles, with a ruler, for that one.

  5. If the administration chooses to threaten to shoot my dog when it has millions of other, less deadly options, how should I feel about the administration?

    1. The admin would happily not shoot your dog, if only Congressional Republicans would let it steal your car.

  6. They were all over the Sunday News Shows yesterday claiming that “no one ever claimed there would be bad effects day one”. Yeah, no one except the President and multiple cabinet members.

    And it is going to get even better. Wait until they realize that the more painful they make sequestration, the worse it will be for their supporters. The Democrats have reached the teenage self cutting phase.

    1. “Look what the Republicans are making me do! Stop sequestering yourself! Stop sequestering yourself!”

      The question is whether Obama voters will actually fall for it.

      1. Sure they will fall for it. But what are they going to do? They can’t vote for Obama again. And most of them live in areas already represented by Democrats in Congress.

        1. They can vote for Hillary. Or Biden.

          1. They will all vote for Hillary in 2016 and turn on Obama. But that won’t make any difference in 2014.

      2. “The question is whether Obama voters will actually fall for it.”

        Not a question. Shithead was here the other day swearing up and down that Obama had nothing to do with instigating it. Nothing! And he was forced to start it anyhow!

    2. My prediction:

      The economy will tank, because how could it not with a steady stream of anti-growth policies for four years, and he will have the ability to point at the republicans and say I told you so. His lap dogs will hop on board and he’ll have all the ammunition he needs to promote his agenda even further.

      This will go badly for the right.

      1. I don’t think so. The economy has already tanked. It is terrible for people out there. The media just won’t talk about it. So I don’t see it getting much worse than what it is.

        Second, we are not having a presidential election for four years. It is difficult to imagine how the Dems could retake the House based on this.

        More importantly, if the Republicans did what you suggest and rolled over and gave Obama all of the spending and taxes he wanted, it would totally demoralize their supporters and confirm every worst instinct about them.

        Boehner for all of his faults actually has played this well. He gave Obama a bunch of tax increases in the fiscal cliff deal. And now Obama is screwed. He has no leverage for more taxes and is stuck doing a bunch of cuts that only hurt his supporters if he doesn’t make some kind of a deal. Obama did this on the gamble that the Republicans would fold. And now they haven’t and he has a real problem.

        1. I’m inclined to agree with Francisco. Anyone watching the economy without blinders on should be able to see we qte not headed for recovery, and are more likely to see a renewed slump in the next years. The groundwork has been laid to cause “austerity”=economic collapse thinking sufficiently to blame the coming slump on the sequester and economic conservative naysayers of Keynesianism. They know what’s coming; it’s more about the political advantage of smearing their opponents with blame than averting a crisis now.

          1. Time will tell. But if what you are saying is true, then the answer would be for the Republicans to just let Obama run the place like a dictator and give him everything he wants. That doesn’t seem like a very good idea.

            The other issue is that Obama’s own people are turning on him. The problem with being the free shit party is that you have to always produce the free shit. His supporters are pissed about this. And they are pissed at him. They can’t really do anything to Republicans because they don’t vote Republicans. That leaves Obama as their target.

            Basically, if what you and Fransisco are saying is true, then public will believe any lie from Obama no matter how big. And if that is true, why worry about it? Cut as much as you can while you can.

            1. I had this explained to me this weekend by an Obama-deadender. This is all some kind of Obama three-demensional chess strategy.

              Don’t worry Obama worshippers – the Lightbringer will make this all work out and the evil Republicans will be vanguished and the Cornucopia of America will spit out free shit forever!

        2. John, not saying the repubs did anything wrong (in this instance), in fact, I’m kinda surprised they didn’t knuckle under this time. But the economy has no where to go but down. It WILL collapse, it’s just a question of when and who takes the blame.

          The anointed one has set this up to lay the collapse at the feet of those calling for fiscal responsibility. Rather ingenious actually.

          1. When it does collapse his own supporters are going to be hurt the most. And they all think that it is only the other side that will suffer. I doubt they are going to be too forgiving towards him.

            I can only speak for the multiple Obama supporters I know. And all of them are blaming Obama for failing to force the evil Republicans to buckle under.

            Maybe losing the faith and support of his supporters will work out well for him. who knows.

            1. The Obama worshipers may fault him for failing to bully the Republicans enough, but that is only because they believe his lies that it is Republican obstructionism causing the problem in the first place. They still ultimately blame the Republicans, but they are upset with Obama for not being a true dictator (yet).

  7. They briefly had an article on the google news stream depicting the belt-tightening in Alexandria and all the smugness of the rest of the country. I think the silent ignored majority is wise to the BS.

    1. This is one of those times where the newsmedia being brain dead liberal helps. They are so stupid and self absorbed they will play up a bunch of sob stories about government workers being furloughed and have no clue how smug that will come off to the rest of the country.

      1. I see this all the time in Tallahassee. I have a standing bet with several friends that, Democratic opponent unseen, Rick Scott will be re-elected, barring a dead girl/live boy scenario. They all say the same thing, “Everybody hates him! Look how he treats state and university employees. He made us contribute 3% to our own retirement!” To which I keep telling them, nobody outside of Tallahassee and maybe Gainesville gives a shit. And, in fact, there are more votes in Tampa, Orlando, Miami and Jacksonville for people who make state workers cry.

        It will be double sweet if he whips Charlie Crist.

        SLD, Rick Scott is not my ideal world candidate, but the butthurt he produces in my public sector employee acquaintances is tasty. And fuck Charlie Crist with a rusty chainsaw.

  8. Happened to be listening to Morning Edition earlier and it was hilarious. We had:
    1. Talk about how things won’t seem that bad right away, and it will take time for the scariness or really kick in–noting that the problem for the White House is that last week they were saying it would be an immediate disaster.
    2. Talk about people being furloughed and how “obviously this will negatively affect the economy over the mid- to long-term because these people will be making less money.”
    3. Talk about how the real problem here is that all kinds of different groups of people will be hard-hit, but since the effects will be dispersed and there isn’t one major lobbying group that will be out there hurting the mostest and the most visibly, people might not realize how terrible the sequester is. (This was my fave because this is exactly what happens with all government transfers.)
    4. Talk about how there is not so much appetite for tax increases as there was six months ago, probably because everyone got a massive fucking tax increase on January 1.
    5. Yummy, yummy tears.

    1. Oh, and meant to add about (3), I was thinking “Hmm, 47%?”

    2. Funny how a few billion dollars in lost government employee earnings is the end of the world. But killing things like the Keystone Pipeline and using the EPA to shut down refining and drilling and raise electricity rates is just no big deal.

      1. It’s also funny how the recent 2% FICA tax increase and the other tax increases on the sol-called “rich” that were just enacted were also no big deal but somehow slightly reducing the rate at which the federal government increases it’s spending is armegeddon.

        I think the recent FICA tax increase is part of the reason why Obama’s scaremongering hasn’t been effective despite the assistance he’s received from the steno pool press that faithfully regurgitates and amplies his every them and premise.

        Folks wonder how it is that they can be expected to do with 2% less money but the federal government can’t do the same.

        1. Yeah. This is the year that Obama’s policies actually start to affect people. Before this year no one’s taxes went up and Obmaacare hadn’t come into effect. So most people just didn’t pay enough attention to have any idea what is going on. A lot of people voted for Obama because they thought he wasn’t going to raise their taxes and he is a moderate. That sounds crazy if you are paying attention. But if you are not paying attention and get your news from the Today Show, it makes perfect sense.

          I really don’t think Obama is going to be able to dodge the blame for all of this.

        2. I think the recent FICA tax increase is part of the reason why Obama’s scaremongering hasn’t been effective despite the assistance he’s received from the steno pool press that faithfully regurgitates and ampli[fi]es his every them[e] and premise.

          Yes, I think this has been a Big Deal. I took a big fucking hit this year and I’m not happy about it. It’s absolutely affected household budgeting. And my boyfriend, who makes very little comparatively (though he just started a new much better job today, woohoo!), and isn’t a fan of Obama but doesn’t follow fiscal or monetary policy as closely as I do, was shocked that his taxes were going up too. And noticeably. It has really not been covered much in the media that I can tell, and yet just about every normal person is feeling it.

          1. Like I said above, most people didn’t think Obama has any intention of raising their taxes. Most people have no idea how his policies will effect them. They are about to get an education. And the FICA increase was just the start.

  9. Talk about people being furloughed and how “obviously this will negatively affect the economy over the mid- to long-term because these people will be making less money.”

    Last summer, at a family get-together, I said to my uncle the ultra liberal all-government-spending-is-good-spending former school principal, “If there are government employees out there doing stuff they shouldn’t be doing, we should make them stop doing it.”

    He looked at me like I was speaking some bizarre space lizard dialect.

    1. Just swish your tail and bob your head a few times. It’s how I make liberals understand.

  10. Even if the fedgov did actually spend $85 billion less, just how long would it have to be shut down *completely* to offset that. IOW, how fast does fedgov spend $85 billion? I seem to recall it was like maybe 10 days or so.

    1. Medicare alone spent about $570 billion last year.

    2. The FedGov spends over 10 billion a day.

    3. Eight days.

  11. I have a hard time accepting at face value political prognostication from anybody who claimed there was no possible way Obama could get re-elected.

    1. Then go kill yourself Brooks. Seriously. Maybe Obama is super man who can convince the country of any lie no matter how big and is going to lead the country into the dark night of fascism. If that is the case, there is no stopping him anyway. I fail to see how losing all sense of optimism or failing to entertain any idea that things might not go as planned for him as being a particularly good idea.

      I will never join the Mark Steyn school of feeling sorry for myself.

      1. Maybe not the whole country, but we already know that 21% of the population believes him no matter what. If they didn’t catch on to his bullshit by last November, they’re not going to. His lies are so obvious that in order to believe anything he says a person would need to be willfully deluded and/or incredibly gullible and/or stupid.


    The American young go full fucking retard. You want to know hat peak retard looks like this is it. Get colleges to stop investing in fossil fuels. The colleges should just install solar panels on the tops of all of the dorms and stop paying the heating and electric bills. Let the little bastards live with no light and no heat and no AC beyond a few amps when the sun is shining.

    1. I keep telling my energy lobbyist friends to take them at their word and just stop refining for a month or two. just say, “we hear you, so we’re shutting down so you can have what you say you want.”

      1. They do not preach that their God will rouse them a little before the nuts work loose.
        They do not teach that His Pity allows them to drop their job when they dam’-well choose.

      2. Math is so icky. Why would we base our energy policies on that. The unicorns and leprechauns will provide.

        1. Power comes from the wall socket, didn’t you know that? Gutfield puts it perfectly. These people never have to live with the consequences of their own actions. They sit fat, dumb and happy in heated and electrified dorms paid for by someone else’s money and preach against the evils of fossil fuel. They really do have the mentality of ten year old kids who don’t understand that their parents don’t own the electric company.

    2. It’s brilliant if intentional. Create a faux free market capitalist system. Let cronies get rich off the government largess. Eventually that system fails. Blame the rich and the “free” market. Enter socialism.

      1. They ran that movie in the 1920s in Europe. What enters is not socialism but fascism.

        1. It can’t happen here.

        2. Does Obama care which one it is?

    3. This seems related:

      A survey of Harvard students by the Harvard University Employees Credit Union found that only 10 percent had any formal financial education.

    4. Dude, the article quotes Bill McKibben, say no more.

      1. This. Anyone who seriously mentions McKibble as a source is signalling that they’ve experienced serious head trauma.

    5. Holy fuck, are they precious little morons. I’d like to see the energy companies divest themselves of Harvard.

      “What’s that? You’re freezing your little entitled asses off and keep setting things on fire with candles, because we stopped delivering electricity, natural gas and heating oil to you? Your hair shirts aren’t keeping you warm and toasty? Your solar panels aren’t lighting the way for you? Gee, that’s just too bad.”

  13. just stop refining for a month or two. just say, “we hear you, so we’re shutting down so you can have what you say you want.”

    Didn’t Hess just permanently shut down a refinery on the ease coast?

    There has been surprisingly little coverage of that, in all the talk about prices.

    1. I think Hess is selling off its downstream assets.

    2. That sucks. Hess is usually the lowest cost provider of gas in the area; the shutdown of the local refinery surely won’t help me any. On top of that, the refinery is visible from every point in my hometown, no seeing the lights go out on the smokestack will be another sad reminder that my youth is going or gone.

      But hey, even the Feds’ forcing the refinery out of business isn’t good enough for the Sierra Club:

      Jeff Tittel, executive director of the New Jersey chapter of the Sierra Club, said the delayed environmental enforcement “benefited Hess at the expense of cleaner air in New Jersey. We see a lot of that happening through the country, where older facilities are closing because they are not as effective, and they don’t have to pay for their pollution.”

  14. A survey of Harvard students by the Harvard University Employees Credit Union found that only 10 percent had any formal financial education.

    The best.

    The brightest.

    1. These are the same people, who, walking off the graduation stage averred at a rate of 95% that winter happened because the Earth was farther from the Sun than in summer.

      It’s almost like we tip the globe sideways from the Equator the same amount every time because it’s more aesthetically pleasing.

Please to post comments

Comments are closed.