North Korea

North Korea Warns of "All Out Action" Against United States, Third Missile Launch, In Response to Latest UN Resolution

Some missiles might already be able to reach deep into the Pacific

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celebrate bad times come on
KCNA

On Tuesday, the United Nations Security Council unanimously approved condemning North Korea's December 12 missile launch and placing new sanctions on the country and its space agency. In response, the regime in Pyongyang announced its third missile test since Kim Jung Il died in December 2011 and was succeeded by his son, Kim Jung Un.

While allegedly intended to send weather satellites into space, the regime finally acknowledged the missile launches were aimed at the United States. From the statement by North Korea's national defense commission, according to North Korea Leadership Watch:

We do not hide that a variety of satellites and long-range rockets which will be launched by the DPRK one after another and a nuclear test of higher level which will be carried out by it in the upcoming all-out action, a new phase of the anti-U.S. struggle that has lasted century after century, will target against the U.S., the sworn enemy of the Korean people.

Meanwhile, the North Korean foreign ministry gave the view of the U.N. from Pyongyang:

The essence of the matter is the U.S. brigandish logic that a satellite launch for peaceful purposes by a country which the U.S. antagonizes should not be allowed because any carrier rocket launched by it can be converted into long-range ballistic missile threatening the U.S. The UNSC is a marionette of the U.S.

The UNSC "resolutions" adopted under the pretext of the DPRK's satellite launches are products of its blind pursuance of the hostile policy of the U.S. seeking disarmament of the DPRK and collapse of its system in violation of the universally accepted international laws.

No UN resolution could pass, of course, without the support of China, which wields veto power on the Security Council.  North Korea's only ally, the Chinese government urged restraint:

China's Foreign Ministry spokesman Hong Lei told reporters that all parties involved should work to find a solution agreeable to all, and to react to the announcement with caution or risk threatening stability.

"The DPRK's satellite launch, as well as the possible nuclear test, highlight the urgency and importance of settling relevant issues on the Korean peninsula," Hong said in a press conference…

"We hope all parties will bear in mind the peace and stability of the Korean Peninsula, exercise calmness and restraint and avoid actions that might escalate tension," Hong added.

The White House for its part called North Korea's threats "needlessly provocative," with a missile launch sure to bring more diplomatic isolation. The U.S. suspended food aid in April after the younger Kim's first, failed, missile launch, and North Korea has increasingly relied on China for economic support.  After the United States announced it'd be increasing the range of South Korea's ballistic missiles, the North responded by claiming its warheads could already reach the American mainland. Experts in the West say the missiles may be able to reach Guam already.

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  1. the anti-U.S. struggle that has lasted century after century,

    Just thought that should be emphasized. I guess they have their continuity of craziness well worked out in NK.

    1. They’re measuring it in dog years.

    2. Well, maybe 20th century, 21st century?

      1. The US has only been involved in Korean affairs since 1945. The Japanese had a longer history of involvement, you’d think they’d want to hit them over the 70 years of brutal occupation that many Koreans still remember.

        1. Yeah, the Japanese occupation that we helped end.

        2. Chinese still remember it, too.

    3. “Century” does not mean what they think it means. Not sure if the NK translator was bad at English, or if they are so Orwellian there that they can say any damn thing they want and the populace will believe it, or at least pretend to do so if they know what is best for them.

      1. Maybe they consider themselves the heirs of the Boxer Rebellion.

        1. They’ve always been at war with Oceania.

      2. I assumed it was a translation issue as well.

    4. Well, there was the Korean Expidition. I think it lasted about 3 days, back around 1878 or so.

  2. Oh North Korea, it’s so cute when you try to act like a big-boy country (pats head).

    Is there anything more pathetic than a fake tough guy?

    1. So they’re the Joe from Lowell of Nation States?

    2. Is there anything more pathetic than a fake tough guy?

      A starving fake tough guy.

      I see this frequently. Every now and then some homeless guy gets offended by some comment someone makes (maybe takes his shoes off in the subway? no shit), and they go all Chip-On-The-Shoulder, “..nobody talks to me like a bitch, I’ll fuck a man up, you just try that shit, I’ll stab a motherfucker to death…and you’re ugly anyway..”

      Of course, the guy’s like 70yrs old and has 1 tooth and smells like piss. THATS almost as bad as North Korea. crazy homeless guy is really only punishing himself… whereas NK makes millions of people suffer for its strutting

      1. Well, when the guy is starving because he spends all his money on guns and ammo that is a bit more scary.

        1. And by guns and ammo you mean a BB gun relative to our arsenal of nukes and heavy ordinance.

          Our stealth bombers could knock out their missile launching infrastructure faster than you could say collateral damage.

          1. …”corratter-?WHAPBOOOOOOOOM”

            On that note, I highly recommend

            “The Adventures of Kim Jong Un”

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPOD5f6wRw4

          2. We could knock out their missile threat easily enough. That has never been the problem. Their artillery is another story. We can’t knock them out before they destroy Seoul. And we aren’t sure we know where all the tunnels that go under the border either.

      2. “Of course, the guy’s like 70yrs old and has 1 tooth and smells like piss. ”

        Shreek?

  3. the upcoming all-out action, a new phase of the anti-U.S. struggle that has lasted century after century,

    Wow! Centuries!

    1. I wonder if they’re at all aware that everytime they threaten action against the US that we just laugh at them.

    2. Wow! Centuries!

      I’m sure there is some breathlessly scribed Marxist tome somewhere that explains in no uncertain pseudo-scientific terms how time itself is an oppressive Imperialist construct.

  4. While allegedly intended to send weather satellites into space, the regime finally acknowledged the missile launches were aimed at the United States.

    Why are they spying on our weather? Diabolical.

    1. I dunno – if they can do better than weather.com or The Weather Channel, maybe we should just let them!

  5. Experts in the West say the missiles may be able to reach Guam already.

    Link? These guys don’t seem to agree.

    As regards the missile test, it should be remembered that North Korea has a long record of empty threats and rhetorical bluff and also a substantial history of failed test launches. North Korea tested LRMs in 1998 (Taepodong 1), 2006 (Taepodong 2), 2009 (Taepodong 2) and 2012 (Unha 3, the space launcher version of the Taepodong-2), all four of which were considered failures. Most experts believe it is highly unlikely that North Korea has the ability to deploy larger LRMs (for it does not appear to have mastered the technology for multistage rockets), nor has it developed the miniaturisation abilities necessary to mount a nuclear weapon on an LRM, and it is unable to build a re-entry vehicle for its warheads.

    The shortcomings mentioned above were first detected in 2009 (following a North Korean missile test) by the US expert Joseph Cirincione in an article for CNN, and they still stand today. For this reason, the possibility of a successful nuclear attack on Alaska or Guam is extremely remote. Although the North Koreans are undoubtedly working hard to overcome these three shortfalls, it is unlikely that they will succeed for many years to come.

    1. In the Times article about the October claim from the North Koreans

      1. OK, but they only mention S. Korean officials making that statement.

        1. FTA: “military experts and South Korean government officials have said that the North has already deployed ballistic missiles capable of reaching targets as far away as Guam”

    2. Experts in the West say the missiles may be able to reach Guam already

      GUAM!?!??!? NOT GUAM!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

      1. I thought Guam was going to tip over from all the people on it, or so that Donk Congressman said?

        1. Actually he was right. Everyone went to a News Years party on one side of the island and the whole thing tipped over. It was soooo funny.

        2. I think every man, woman and child on Guam has been raped at least once by Navy enlisted men. Officers of course rape each other. Can’t be fraternizing.

          1. But it’s not rape rape.

      2. We nuked the last east asian country that attacked one of our pacific islands.

  6. I wonder whether NoKo’s big brother would back them up if they decided to start some shit with the US.

    1. China regards the Norks as a major embarrassment. They give them enough to keep them alive but I’m sure they’re privately hoping it just remains a natural buffer to the rest of US dominated East Asia.

      1. I dunno. They probably find it useful, having a psycho little brother to scare the people they don’t like while keeping their own hands clean.

        1. That’s assuming anyone is scared by North Korea.

          1. Well, I’d imagine South Korea and Japan are scared.

            If things went really herky-jerky, the Russians would probably not enjoy having Vladivostok shelled, but they’re less of a target.

            1. If you’re South Korea you’re probably only afraid that they’ll do something so stupid that you and the US have to respond in a way that topples the regime and then you’ve got to deal with the worst humanitarian crisis in history with the millions of starving Norks that’ll be trying to flood into your prosperous country. Think German reunification times 1000.

              That being said, I’m sure the Japanese are very nervous since if they really go crazy in Pyongyang Japan is a perfect target of opportunity.

              1. NK could obliterate Seoul with conventional artillery before the US/SK military has a chance to respond. Doing so would be suicidal for the Norks, but they’re not known for their sanity.

                1. Doing so would be suicidal for the Norks, but they’re not known for their sanity.

                  I wouldn’t be so sure about that. As a matter of fact, they have pulled every stunt they’ve tried on the west. Every time they bluster and saber-rattle, we get them to the table and they get some aid. Wash. Rinse. Repeat for 30 years.

                  If anything, they’re the biggest trolls this side of Ronaiah Tuiasosopo.

                  1. So far. But the Kims have gotten crazier with each generation. It’s hard to imagine that KJI’s dad was mentally competent enough to fight to a draw with the most powerful military in the world.

                    1. He didn’t. The Chinese did.

              2. You’ve got to deal with the worst humanitarian crisis in history with the millions of starving Norks that’ll be trying to flood into your prosperous country. Think German reunification times 1000.

                It’s even worse than that. Between 25% and 50% of North Korea are currently using meth. The social pathologies in that country must be horrible.

                1. At least they have legitimate reasons for eating each other’s faces.

            2. http://www.guardian.co.uk/comm…..anced-view

              Hahaha. I was looking up relations between North and South Korea on google, and stumbled on this gem of a Guardian article. Title of the article: “South Korea Good, North Korea Bad? Not a very useful outlook.”

              The writer then proceeds to explain to us how North Korea really isn’t that bad. Here’s the money quote: “The lack of western sources in North Korea has allowed the media to conjure up fantastic stories that enthrall readers but aren’t grounded in hard fact. No attempt is made to see both sides of the Korean conflict.”

              Why can’t people see the good side of the North Korean military dictatorship?

              1. Why can’t people see the good side of the North Korean military dictatorship?

                Yeah. I mean for starters, obesity isn’t a problem. Furthermore, there is zero unemployment and the government is very green, no wasteful electricity or sky pollution. The Dear Leader and the Great Successor want the people to have an unobstructed view of the stars in the night sky.

                1. Plus there are no filibusters or gridlock or obstructionism. What the government wants to do, it does.

                  1. If only they had high speed railways then it would be paradise on earth.

              2. Why can’t people see the good side of the North Korean military dictatorship?

                Well they are free from American Imperialism so the Rockwellians, Raimondo and Richman would consider that a good thing.

      2. Yep, for China it’s either deal with North Korea or deal with a unified Korea. They prefer to put up with the embarrassment.

      3. China regards the Norks as a major embarrassment.

        China could sort out NORK any way it wants, any time it wants.

        That NORK continues as it is tells you the Chinese are pretty much OK with it. And why shouldn’t they be? Its a major pain in the ass to their regional and global rivals.

    2. Based on my supposition that the relation between PRC and NK is somewhat like Toecutter and Johnny the Boy, I’d fully expect them to drag Kim to the water’s edge and stuff a shotgun in his mouth in that scenario.

      “You just don’t have the style, do ya chicken shit.”

      1. Who was the knight rider in this scenario, the USSR? And who gets to be Max???

    3. You mean China? There’s no way. The Chinese rely on America too much for business.

      China is by far North Korea’s largest trade partner, but North Korea is China’s 82nd largest trade partner. 82nd. In 2011, China exported 1.6 billion dollars worth of goods to North Korea and exported 399 billion dollars worth of goods to the U.S. I don’t think they’d choose North Korean interests over America at this point.

      1. Maybe China should do the world a favor and annex North Korea. They could give back Tibet and stop chattering about Taiwan in exchange for a free hand.

        1. I don’t think PRC wants any more starving mouths to feed. Or a border with South Korea, for that matter.

          1. Eventually they’ll have a border with South Korea. I can’t imagine a future in which South Korea doesn’t eventually reunify with North Korea. I have no idea when that will be, but it seems like a foregone conclusion. The type of government North Korea has just isn’t sustainable.

            1. The government is unstainable but the country may be. I could definitely see two countries with one culture forming. Something along the lines of a confederacy.

      2. This. China would probably prefer Korea unified under the RoK government than the current situation, but how to get there peacefully is the nut to crack.

        1. Also, as I mentioned above, North Korea has a huge meth problem, which it exported to the Chinese border area. The Chinese are not happy about this.

          1. So prohibition doesn’t work in a totalitarian police state either huh? Go figure.

            1. The prohibition on enough to eat seems to be working, however.

              1. Food, like cannabis, is bulky and harder to conceal.

        2. NK acts as a very useful destabilizing force against China’s economic rivals in the region. The PRC will keep NK going for as long as it’s useful. However, they undoubtedly will not let things get too out of hand. The real danger is if NK’s leadership goes rogue enough to stop listening to the PRC.

  7. HANS, YOU BREAKIN MY BAWWS OVER HERE!!

    1. Someone had to say it.

      1. “What, you think I’m just a petty arms dearer? I’m pranning the attack. Congraturations, Team America, you have stopped nothing.”

        Has anyone done a better job of parodying Kim Jong? I say no.

  8. the United Nations Security Council unanimously approved condemning North Korea’s December 12 missile launch

    Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let’s slow it down a bit there, fellas. Don’t you think there should be at least one more committee meeting to discuss the terms of the condemnation?

  9. Japan is going to be changing their constitution and start spending more on defense I bet. Amen.

  10. not unreasonable, even in the post-mcpherson environment. reasonable ™ decision…

    CIVIL RIGHTS ACT LAWSUIT: QUALIFIED IMMUNITY GRANTED IN LAWSUIT ATTACKING USE OF TASER IN 2006 IN MAKING GROSS MISDEMEANOR ARREST; COURT HOLDS THAT NINTH CIRCUIT 2010 BRYAN V. MCPHERSON DECISION SUPPORTS GRANTING THE OFFICER QUALIFIED IMMUNITY; COURT ALSO HOLDS THAT STATE LAW SUPPORTS USE OF REASONBLE FORCE TO MAKE AN ARREST FOR A MISDEMEANOR OR GROSS MISDEMEANOR

    Strange v. Spokane County, ___ Wn. App. ___, 287 P.3d 710 (Div. III, Oct. 30, 2012)

    Facts and Proceedings below:

    A Spokane County sheriff’s deputy stopped a car for accelerating rapidly and making several improper turns during the early morning hours of January 22, 2006. The car had two occupants, the female driver and a male front seat passenger. The deputy later learned that the passenger was Daniel Brian Strange, the driver’s boyfriend, and that Strange owned the car. The deputy approached the driver. She opened her door instead of rolling the window down.

    During the initial contact, Strange became belligerent in arguing with the officer over whether Strange had been wearing his seatbelt. The officer collected the identifications for both occupants, instructed them to remain in the car, and closed the driver’s door with some force. Strange got out of the car, took two steps forward, and yelled, “Don’t slam my door.”

    1. The officer drew his firearm and called for backup. He repeatedly ordered Strange to get back into the car. The officer eventually holstered his firearm and pulled out his Taser. He advised Strange that if he did not get back into the car he would be arrested. The officer heard Strange say something in response and understood it to be defiant and challenging.

      The officer then told Strange that he was under arrest and ordered him to turn around with his hands behind his back. Strange instead started to re-enter the car. The officer discharged his Taser into Strange’s back. The officer arrested Strange for resisting arrest (a misdemeanor) and obstructing a public servant (a gross misdemeanor).

      1. And nothing else happened?

      2. Was he on a freeway? Was the sidewalk closed to foot traffic? What gave the cop the right to order him to stay in the car?

      3. DIAF TIA

      4. cool story, bruh

      5. Sounds unnecessary to me.

    2. And this has something to do with North Korea…

      1. taser case law is always relevant imo. considering how grossly overused they have been, and how lacking the case law and policy have been, it’s nice to see this area of law fleshed out.

        mcpherson placed some well needed restraints on use of taser in the 9th circuit. this case shows we can still u se them when reasonable

        1. NORTH KOREA

          1. i am pretty sure north korea has no such case law restricting their police in use of tasers.

            1. why are you talking about this on a NORTH KOREA article?

            2. this guy was a fucking moron begging to get shot

              also

              but that’s not what happened. they knocked on the door and got met with a gun. and he got capped

              and he has nobody to blame but his stupid ass-dead self

              Shall I go on?

              1. I’m with you, Sloop. The only resposes to this fucker’s posts are DIAF. I mean, who in their right mind carries on a conversation with a glob of smegma-butter?

            3. taser are decadent imperialist device to force comply of people in land while hide blood.

              1. Tulpa (LAOL-PA)| 1.24.13 @ 1:50PM |#

                taser are decadent imperialist device to force comply of people in land while hide blood.

                Tasers are the tools of running dog sycophantic traitors – an honorable DPRK would mercilessly crush enemies with a weapon of singlehearted unity, and leave imperialist stooges drowning in a sea of fire

  11. court throws out marjuana arrest because “social contact” by officer extended too far into seizure territory. good example of the war on drugs NoT resulting in automatic acceptance of BAD seizures under the 4th amendment (and WA constitution)…

    SEIZURE, NOT MERE SOCIAL CONTACT, OCCURRED WHERE OFFICER’S ACCUSATION OF CRIMINAL ACTIVITY WAS FOLLOWED BY HIS REQUEST THAT TEENS VOLUNTARILY EMPTY THEIR POCKETS; ALSO, COMMUNITY CARETAKING ARGUMENT BASED ON TRUANCY LAW REJECTED BECAUSE EVIDENCE FAILS TO SUPPORT IT

    State v. Guevara, ___Wn. App. ___, 288 P.3d 1167 (Div. III, Dec. 6, 2012)

    Facts and Proceedings below: (Excerpted from Court of Appeals opinion)

    [A law enforcement officer] worked as a school resource officer at Eisenhower High School in Yakima, Washington. [The officer] saw three boys walk east to the 3800 block of Webster Avenue. He knew one was an Eisenhower High student. He also knew that students often went to that area to smoke marijuana. [The officer] thought that the boys would be late for 8:00 a.m. classes because it was about 7:55 a.m. and the boys were more than a block from the high school.

    1. The officer followed the boys in his marked patrol car. He wore his police uniform. He stopped his car about 20 feet behind the boys. He got out of his car and walked east toward them. He asked them what they were doing. They replied that they were going for a walk. [The officer] told them that he believed they were skipping school to smoke marijuana. He then asked them if they would show him the contents of their pockets. The boys began showing him what was in their pockets. He asked them to “bunny ear” their pockets one by one so he did not miss anything. Ulises Ibarra Guevara was the last to empty his pockets. When he did, [the officer] saw a plastic baggie tucked behind Mr. Ibarra Guevara’s Eisenhower identification card. He asked Mr. Ibarra Guevara what the baggie contained and Mr. Ibarra Guevara responded marijuana.

      The State charged Mr. Ibarra Guevara with possession of less than 40 grams of marijuana. Mr. Ibarra Guevara moved to suppress the drug evidence. The court concluded that the stop was a “social contact” and denied the motion. The court found Mr. Ibarra Guevara guilty as charged.

      1. And nothing else happened?

      2. ISSUES AND RULINGS: (1) Where the law enforcement officer combined his accusation that the young men were about to smoke marijuana with a request that they voluntarily empty their pockets, did he seize them such that reasonable suspicion of criminal activity was required to justify the request? (ANSWER: Yes, he seized them, and this was unlawful because he did not have reasonable suspicion of criminal activity);

        (2) Considering that RCW 28A.225.060 authorizes law enforcement officers to detain children for skipping school, was the stop of the young men justified as a community caretaking action? (ANSWER: No, because the purpose and nature of the stop was an investigation of unlawful drug possession)

        1. Then we will await the criminal charges of harassment, false imprisonment and wrongful arrest of the next officer that does the same thing.

        2. Odd, I thought this was a post on the Norks going goofy on us. Maybe I misread the article?

          1. you and me bof!

        3. FUCKING. DIE. IN. A. FIRE. YOU. FUCKING. CUNT.

      3. OK, Dunphy, question for you:
        Let’s say a cop responds to a call for a drunk on your doorstep.
        After s/he gets the drunk in the car, /she asks ‘was it you who called?, any physical damage?’, etc.
        And then ‘do you possess any firearms?’. What is the safe response to that?

        1. Remember, they can lie to you but you can’t lie to them. Therefore, the correct response is, “am I under arrest? Am I free to go, or am I being detained? And if I’m being detained, I demand to speak to an attorney before I answer any questions.”

        2. If you call the cops while possessing an illegal firearm on your person you must be pretty stupid.

        3. “Have a nice night” seems like a good response.

          1. Just be sure to stand still until they tell you that you are free to go. A furtive movement after bidding them good evening could be just enough to get you capped.

    2. If he asked either of my children (of speaking age) what they were doing, he would have heard “None of your business. I want to speak to my father and/or my attorney” immediately. And he would have also seen them call 911 because they were being harassed without cause. By the time it got to turning out pockets, they would have lain themselves out on the concrete and started screaming “rape”.

      1. By the time it got to turning out pockets, they would have lain themselves out on the concrete and started screaming “rape”.

        By then they’d be in handcuffs with a pair of black eyes, and nothing else would happen.

        1. They both have the Cop Recorder App on their phones and auto-upload set up. The end result would not be pretty for the boy in blue.

          1. DON’T FUCK WITH THE SLOOPIES

            1. Why would you knock someone for being a responsible parent and teaching their children about rights and due process?

              There are bad people in the world. People that would deprive children of their rights just because they can. And many of those people work for the State. I’d be doing my children an injustice if I didn’t prepare them for the harsh realities of the growing police state and the ways they can peacefully combat it. Some day you’ll maybe have children and then you’ll understand. Unless, of course, you’re still a Team Red shill then in which case you’ll never understand.

          2. Bang on, Sloopy. Bang on.

            1. BangHang on, Sloopy. BangHang on.

              /ftfy

              1. I don’t get it.

                  1. Uh, did I just troll sarcasmic?

                    1. I believe so.

                    2. *fumbles in pocket for wrinkled folded paper*
                      *pushes glasses up bridge of nose*

                      There are so many people I’d like to thank…

  12. What a sty.

    1. “The Pig says ‘My wife is a slut”?

      1. now that’s a complaint!

    2. Agenda trolls gonna troll.

        1. It really is the definition of rude to simply shoehorn in your own agenda.

          1. You lecturing someone on being rude? Haaaaaaaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha!

            1. First remove the beam from your own eye, and then you will see clearly enough to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

              1. Kind of a high standard, since everyone here except one person has ocular lumber issues.

                1. since everyone here except one person has ocular lumber issues

                  Thanks for sticking up for me, Tulpa. I appreciate that. You’re not such a bad guy after all.

                  1. No, he’s obviously talking about me.

              2. First remove the beam from your own eye, and then you will see clearly enough to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

                Haaaaaaaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha!

                1. Don’t you have some more tabloid photos to go fap to or something?

                  1. Now that was a polite response!

          2. It really is the definition of rude to simply shoehorn in your own agenda.

            That’s not what it says over at Dictionary.com

          3. Randian| 1.24.13 @ 1:50PM |#

            It really is the definition of rude to simply shoehorn in your own agenda.

            Which is what I hate most about Mexican Immigrants. Thats WHY WE NEEDS TO STOP IMMIGRATIONS! IF WE DONT THEN THE TERRORISTS WIN. Also = Boycott Whole Foods!

      1. No shit. Dunphy used to just be annoying. In the last few months he has become a full on troll. The essence of a troll is someone who attempts to make every thread about their particular sacred cow. Not changes the subject or occasionally hijacks a thread, but on every thread which they post goes on about the same boring points. And that is Dunphy.

        Look Dunphy, we don’t give a shit. No amount of “but in this case the cop did good” excuses the cases of horrendous abuse and misconduct documented here. Go fuck yourself.

        1. Woah, unexpected devastating left hook from John!

          *applause*

        2. Go fuck yourself in a burning building.

          FIFY

  13. If I were China, I’d be making damn sure the inmates at Asylum NK NEVER get their rockets to go more than a few hundred feet.

  14. China’s Foreign Ministry spokesman Hong Lei told reporters that all parties involved should work to find a solution agreeable to all, and to react to the announcement with caution or risk threatening stability.

    “The DPRK’s satellite launch, as well as the possible nuclear test, highlight the urgency and importance of settling relevant issues on the Korean peninsula,” Hong said in a press conference…

    Calm down! We’re all friends here! No need to be rash. Just tell us what you want.

    1. Why do I suspect that China believes that settling relevant issues on the Korean peninsula will require a sizable payoff to China?

  15. On Tuesday, the United Nations Security Council unanimously approved condemning North Korea’s December 12 missile launch

    I’m not sure whether to tease the UN about their timeliness or wish our Congress were so deliberative.

  16. DO SOMETHING, ARRRRRIC BARRRWIN!

    1. “Ummm, global warming, and uhhhh, corporations.”

      YOU ARE WORTHHRESS ARIC BARWIN!!

  17. I was sent from planet Xiron to conquer the earth
    I had a terrific plan ? I thought it would work
    Tried to get the Earthlings all to kill each other you see
    But it all went wrong and now I must decree?

    You are worthless Alec Baldwin, you are worthless Alec Baldwin
    You failed in every way and now my stock in you has fallen
    Your career is stallin’ and you’re worthless Alec Baldwin
    That’s why I blew your head off and your children are all bawlin’

    Planet Xiron is inhabited with Xipods like me
    But also with Balmacs who are giant bees
    The Xipods and Balmacs are at constant war
    So we wanted a new home and that’s what Earth was for

    But you are worthless Alec Baldwin, you are worthless Alec Baldwin
    You fucked up my whole plan and now Xiron is smeared with Balmac pollen
    Your garbage needs some haulin’ and you’re worthless Alec Baldwin
    Now I must return home a failure ? I’m afraid the pit of Kryrok is callin’?

  18. a new phase of the anti-U.S. struggle that has lasted century after century, will target against the U.S., the sworn enemy of the Korean people.

    So will Rockwell, Raimondo and Richman be gushing over North Korea now?

  19. “Why is everyone so fuckin’ stupid? Why can’t they be more interrigent? Like me.”

    Seriously though, fuck North Korea. Personally I believe my response would be “Go ahead, try to nuke us. See what happens. Do the words ‘glow in the dark glass parking lot’ mean anything to you?”

    1. Do the words ‘glow in the dark glass parking lot’ mean anything to you?”

      It may not to the NKs…

      1. Do the words “eoduun yuli juchajang-eseo bich-i*” mean anything to you

        *according to Google translate

        1. Sounds like Greek to me!

    2. You cannot kirr the Sun God. You might ravage his rand and destroy his peepre, but the Sun God is eternar.

    3. The Norks really screwed up by keeping all their powerful apparatchiks in a single city. Pyongyang would fall in about 48 hours. Unless China gets in on it, which they won’t.

    4. Do the words ‘glow in the dark glass parking lot’ mean anything to you?”

      If you throw in a mass musical-dance number, They’d be like “That sounds ARSOME!!”

  20. Poor little Norkies, desperately grasping for global relevance.

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