Brickbat: Choked

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Alberta Education Minister Jeff Johnson has banned the use of all lanyards in provincial schools. Most of Alberta's 2,000 schools have long used lanyards for hall and restroom passes. But a Grade 3 student recently almost choked to death on a lanyard, prompting the ban.

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  1. Well, don’t stop there, eh! Better ban anything that can possibly fit into a kid’s gullet.

    -jcr

  2. They shouldn’t be banning lanyards, they should make a law where everyone has to have one. In lanyard based incidents where other people possessed lanyard there were an average of 80% less fatalities.

    1. agreed! we all know from recent history that in order to keep others with guns at bay we need to be packing ourselves…so everyone needs a lanyard. Let us make that a law. Who knows when a crazy lunatic may attack you with one. By packing a lanyard I’m sure the percentage of lanyard-related crime will decrease. No one will dare to use one against you. Lanyards might even save lives!

  3. Everybody knows it’s third grade, not Grade 3.

  4. Magnetic clasp. Also, ban that student. He’s going to ruin the schools lost time accident numbers.

  5. Wasn’t the hot moral panic, a few years ago, that kids where chocking each other to get a buzz?
    It was a more innocent time.

  6. You can ban lanyards all day long, but you can’t ban stupid.

  7. You can be sure they won’t do away with the asinine requirement that students carry state-issued ID. Just tattoo their ID numbers and a barcode on their foreheads and be done with it already. Might as well implant an RFID chip while you’re at it.

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