How Many Government Agencies Does It Take To Dispose of a Beached Whale?
Jurisdictional questions abound over a beached whale in Malibu
Feels like a trick question. A forty thousand pound, forty foot long dead whale washed ashore in Malibu on Monday, and is still there four days later. Government officials aren't sure what to do about it or, for that matter, who should be doing it. From the LA Times:
The lifeguards stationed at the beach said they were game [to deal with the beached whale], but weren't sure what to do. The city of Malibu said the county would probably take care of it, but the county insisted Little Dume is a private beach, which it is not. Then local officials said the state might take care of it, but the nearest state property appeared to be nearly a mile to the southwest.
"There have been some issues with jurisdiction," said Los Angeles County Fire Inspector Quvondo Johnson.
Los Angeles Fire County Inspector Tony Imbrenda, meanwhile, tells local TV station KTLA that there will be meetings with beaches and harbors and that LA county lifeguard personnel are "going to formulate a plan to remove this whale from the beach." What that plan is, KTLA reports, is unknown, with the "pretty significant state of decomposition" making towing the whale back into the ocean no longer a possibility. It'll be days before the whale might be disposed of.
State officials were able to find out what happened to the fin whale, an endangered species. They cut it up and determined it was hit by a boat.
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First. But I won't be the first to do anything helpful.
The sea was angry that day, my friends.
Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.
"Now, where's the spoon?"
"A-HAAAAAH!"
In all likelihood, the single best scene from the entire series.
This whale is making me thirsty.
A shitload of M80's is required.
going to formulate a plan to remove the beach from the whale.
wut?
All of them?
Seriously, with all the blubber, couldn't you burn it?
I think this problem has already been solved.
Best 70s news video ever.
And it would have been forgotten to history were it not for Dave Barry.
Where is this generation's Dave Barry, I ask?
...going to formulate a plan to remove the beach from the whale.
THEY'RE DOING IT BACKWARDS.
I believe it's illegal to remove beach sand in California, so you can be sure which ever agency gets stuck with removing the whale will have to get the beach out of it first.
I would say you're joshing me, except it's California.
It's illegal to move a pebble or disturb a twig from it's place in MD parks. There are signs everywhere saying so.
They do realize that merely allowing people to walk around will moves pebbles and twigs, right? Oh wait, this is MD, nevermind.
Of course they do. But don't worry - They'll only prosecute the ones who do real damage. You can trust the police and courts to not go after regular park users.
Any private citizen who attempted to do something (either an attempt to derive some financial return, or merely get the stinky carcass off the beach) with it would be guilty of multiple felonies, so there's no big rush.
This!!!!
I think that the real question here, is that with yet another of natures cute and cuddly creatures being killed, obviously by global warming, shouldn't there be some organization lobbying for solving this problem by having rich countries give all of their tax payers money to 3rd world dictatorships? Obviously no one cares about the whales or the planet.
There is a major shipping lane for the port of Los Angeles just south of Malibu. It's not at all uncommon for migrating whales to smack into a container ship and subsequently wash up on the beach in LA, Ventura, and Santa Barbara counties. So this time the enviroweenies will blame Walmart for importing things from China.
They should blame cruise ships also, and lobby to ban them. Especially since it's just a way for seniors to have an excuse to play bingo and stay drunk all day for a week, damned old hedonists.
RICH seniors! They should add a $50 Whale Tax to every cruise ship ticket!
Yeah, and they have entire interweb forums devoted to finding new ways to sneak liquor on board so they don't have to pay the outrageous price for boozing it up at the ship bar. Which leads to lost revenue. They don't pay their fair share!
They're just pissing on poor people!!!
Please stop giving them ideas.
Supposedly this one had a gash down its back and a broken spine, so it's likely the ship collision story is correct.
i think we should blame the longshoremens union who, with their strike at the port of la, are diverting extra traffic past malibu and killing endangered species.
This all sounds so familiar.
Depends on whom it is the whale in question.
Lindy West would easily encompass*: HHS, Dept. of the Interior, EPA, NEA, EEOC, and NIH. For starters...
*Pun intended. -)))
NOAA, Fish and Wildlife Service (USDA?)...
Let NutraSweet enjoy his beach time, you haters!
He's not that fat.
Stop enabling him!
I hate all whales, and dolphins too.
I want a someone to create a game in which the only goal is to collect different types of harpoon weapons throughout the game so you can break into aquariums around the world and harpoon whales and dolphins.
Side quests would involve driving around in a gigantic gas guzzling ATV and hunting polar bears and seals to extinction.
"Fuck you whale, and fuck you dolphin!!!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwNvIM2W9Aw
How about ringing up all the local sushi joints?
Probably because it's not a fish...
Oh they eat whale sushi there.
http://resources1.news.com.au/.....e-meat.jpg
Because it's a week old...
These people are utterly incompetent and smell.
WHALE BIOLOGIST!
"And now, ignorant whale-lovers, we'll see who's boss when I make Mushu jump through this hoop! Jump, Mushu!"
If you hate whales so much, then why did you become a whale biologist?
I don't know you well enough to get into that.
This has been Rosanne, your guide to the world of facts.
Fuck a you whaaaaaalesss, and fuck a you dolpheeeensssss!!!
...And the fifth reason whales kill is for the sheer fun of it.
Is there no dynamite available?
Charge folks $10 to take 5 whacks at the whale with a katana and feed the cunks into a wood chipper.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcU100_FRB0
Cripes, seagulls, get to it you slackers!
Feh - modern seagulls have become too refined from generations of gulls swooping down and stealing my lunch when my back is turned.
After a lifetime of dining on greasy pizza, chips, and french fries week old whale doesn't cut it any more.
So no government agency is willing to admit to having jurisdiction over a dead whale? Imagine that. I'm sure if someone started selling the blubber they'd be tripping over each other to charge sales tax... or put the guy in jail.
the flesh of an endangered species? oh yeah possession of that is a federal crime.
Maybe this is the way to figure out who has jurisdiction: Step out on the sand and start shooting the carcass with your choice of firearm. Whoever shows up to arrest you is responsible for what's left.
Please tell me there is video of the Sea Shepherds balling their eyes out at this news.
maybe it was their boat that killed the whale.
the Sea Shepherds balling their eyes
RC'z Law?
OK, but just barely.
Bawling?
I prefer to believe he means something involving the use of a melon baller.
Doesn't the government have lasers or something?
Any governmental agency that tried to take care of this will also have to contend with Babs Streisand and other celebrities of her pay grade. The agency may have to try to drag heavy equipment, and a large crew through their property to access the beach. I would not want to be a part of those negotiations. Those people are insufferable.
We should have FEMA distribute little tree air fresheners to the "victims".
At a cost of $11 billion and a project timeline of 7 years.
Actually, if you really didn't give a crap about the beach or the whale carcass, I could see having a lot of fun with it.
I mean, the opportunity to get a bunch of wealthy, self-absorbed, proggy nitwits into one room (preferably filled with the stench of rotting whale) and get them to turn on each other . . . .
Stupid wildlife.
You'd think if there was one thing every government agency knew about, it would be big stinking mounds of useless blubber.
"That gray whale is a white elephant!"
They could call the japanese or the icelanders; I believe those nations still whale, or at least have done so recently enough that they still have the equipment.
Also, the spectacle of various levels of government trying to pass the buck - delicious. Will nobody learn? No.
They probably prefer fresh whales. Plus, dragging a whale off a beach is different from hoisting it out of the water.
Not sure what the proper way to dispose of a dead whale is, but I'm pretty sure this is the wrong way. Although it is kind of awesome.
Dammit, should have known someone would have beaten to it upthread. Curse you rts and db!
Just tell Krugman that the carcass is the vanguard of an alien invasion.
He'll have some stimulatin' money rounded up in no time to take care of it.
I thought the beached whale WAS Krugman. My mistake. An easy one to make.
thank you