Death Sentences over Anti-Muslim Movie, Pvt. Manning Shouldn't Have Been Held at Quantico, Oakland Fights Pot Dispensary Forfeiture: P.M. Links


  • "That will teach them to call our religion violent and barbaric!"

    Seven Egyptian Christians and a Florida pastor have been sentenced, in absentia, to death in Egypt over the Innocence of Muslims movie.

  • A Hungarian leader Godwinned himself after calling for Jews to be registered as threats to national security. After criticism, he went on to explain that, really, he was just questioning the loyalty of anybody with dual nationalities, not just Jews. That's all!
  • A former prison officer at Quantico said the facility did not have the resources to have held Pvt. Bradley Manning there for nine months. He shouldn't have spent more than 90 days there.
  • About 10 percent of the 61 finalists selected in the Department of Education's "Race to the Top" federal funding contest are charter programs.
  • The City of Oakland is trying to halt the federal forfeiture of a medical marijuana dispensary while a judge determines whether the feds have overstepped their authority against the state of California.
  • House Speaker John Boehner says the GOP will not cave in to the Obama Administration and support extending Bush-era tax cuts only to those earning less than $250,000 annually.
  • A Des Moines couple has filed a federal suit against their city's police department over the Tasing and then shooting of their dog.

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  1. A Des Moines couple has filed a federal suit against their city’s police department over the Tasing and then shooting of their dog.

    Accidentally pulled out the taser first?

    1. He thought it was his pistol. Maybe Oakland BART cops will hire him now.

    2. Thank God the cops shot another dog. I was starting to think we were in South Park Evil Twin land.

      1. Don’t worry. The been very busy serving and protecting lately.

        1. I claim first…see below and the other thread.

          1. I’m far too important to read other threads. (Though I will will allow that I got the link from Radley.)

            1. BBBAAALLLLLKOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

            2. BBBAAALLLLLKOOOOOO!!!!

            3. BALKO!

      2. AAAnd my third post on this in 30 min. I posted one about a puppycide in CO that is getting MAJOR press here…weird that is. I reccomend not watching. Basically dog was being held by ACO when cop shoots it.

        see my link below.

        1. The cop double, no, triple taps a dog trying to run away that had shown no aggression to the officer. Fire that fat motherfucker now before he caps a kid for fleeing from him because he can’t be bothered to do the right thing.

          Also, those neighbors are dicks.

    3. This couple doesn’t know anything, it does not make sense to taser the dog after they shoot it dead so they have to taser first.

  2. Seven Egyptian Christians and a Florida pastor have been sentenced, in absentia, to death in Egypt over the Innocence of Muslims movie.

    Time will eventually get around to carrying out those sentences.

    1. I suppose a plus is there is no extradition treaty in place.

      1. Of course, the U.S. wouldn’t extradite its citizens for a death sentence like this, anyway. We’ll execute our own, thank you very much.

    2. It’s not necessarily a big deal: my grandfather was sentenced to death in absentia by the French in the 20’s and he lived till 1954.

      1. In retrospect, it would seem that France’s enthusiasm with its unique contributions to capital punishment peaked in 1794.

      2. Wow. What did he do to deserve that?

        1. He was French.

        2. He was an insurgent fighting the French occupation forces in the aftermath of WW-I.

          1. Occupation forces where? In the Middle East?

    3. It’s better than being sentenced to *life* in Egypt.

    4. This is borderline an act of war by Egypt.

      1. Nuke them!!!!!

      2. Yeah, they wanna pull that shit, they by Allah better have drones to do it with, after the President of Egypt personally reviews each case.

      3. But killing a US ambassador is “an incident.”

  3. …while a judge determines whether the feds have overstepped their authority against the state of California.

    Good luck with that.

    1. Hey, man, this is the first sign of the states fighting back on this issue, and two states fully legalized. The states might be finally refinding their balls about their own powers because they’re doing it in a group; no one state was going to do it alone. We’ll see.

      1. Yeah but this appears to be the City of Oakland not the State of California. How much juice are they going to have to sway a federal judge to limit federal power?

        1. I have no idea, but it is state law. And all they need is a sympathetic judge.

          1. A sympathetic judge who will ignore The United States Supreme Court in Gonzales v. Raich?

            As Fist said, “good luck with that”.

            1. Judges had to ignore years of precedent to overturn Plessy v. Ferguson. Like Epi said, you just need one judge who is hip to what the Constitution actually means to start a counterrevolution.

              1. you just need one judge who is hip to what the Constitution actually means to start a counterrevolution.

                In California?

                Good luck with that.

                1. It’s so crazy…

  4. About 10 percent of the 61 finalists selected in the Department of Education’s “Race to the Top” federal funding contest are charter programs.

    In unrelated news, Race to the Top has been cancelled.

    1. You know who else sponsored a “Race to the Top” ….

      1. That was very good.

        1. Thanks.

          *** orphan repolishes monocle ***

      2. Sir Edmund Hillary?

    1. That study is going to need to be peer reviewed. By me. And then I’m going to have to try and reproduce the results. For science, of course.

    2. It’s the Ron Jeremy effect. Fucking him makes you feel good about yourself. And you are not really a porn star until you have done it.

    3. They’re hot, get laid all the time, and do lots of drugs. Of course they’re happy. Wouldn’t you be?

      1. I was going to say “yes,” then thought a little more, and have to go with “not necessarily, although probably.”

        1. I mean, I’m happy, right?

          1. But what about me…sniff!

            1. Well, come over and bring some cocaine and a paper bag.

              1. I’m sorry. I meant plastic bag.

                1. Sorry, other happiness-inducing plans. I’m heading out to buy my first Sig!

                  1. What caliber, nicole? .40 S&W? .357 Sig?

                  2. Where are you heading, and what is your gameplan in the greater-Chicago area? Yes, yes, McDonald overturned their absurd gun laws, but I’ve heard it’s still pretty difficult to buy there; or maybe it’s just the ammo.

                    (But somehow requiring an ID at a voting booth is unconstitutional. Peak retard? Is that you???)

                    1. The long-delayed response should help give you an idea of how much of a pain in the ass it is 😉

                      So, first you need a FOID; if you don’t know what that is, thank bog that you don’t live in Illinois. Then you need to take a class for a City of Chicago handgun permit. The class is fairly minimal–five hours classroom, one hour at the range. Except there are no ranges open to the public anywhere in the city. So you have to go pretty far out into the suburbs to actually complete the city requirements–and if you don’t have a car, forget about it. I did the class thing a while back as a birthday present to my bf (I mean, we both did it together).

                      Anyway, then you wait for the city to approve your permit, which actually didn’t take super long. Then you go buy the gun. Which, of course, you also can’t do in the city. So you drive way out into the suburbs again–twice, of course, because of the federal 72-hour waiting period. Tonight was the first time; I have to go back out on Sunday.

                      Meanwhile, between now and Sunday I have to actually register the gun–before I can bring it back into the city but after I have the serial number. You have 30 days from the time of purchase to do this, but of course, you can’t bring the gun home.

                      Once you do bring it home, you can’t bring it anywhere else, ever, except to the range. Funtimes!

                      We also have mag capacity limits, so the Browning Hi-Power my bf just bought needs a new mag.

                      Restoras–P220 in .45.

                    2. Holy shit, a 45? Fuck yeah. I knew you had taste, nicole.

                    3. The first gun I ever shot was a 454 Casull. Because I am that ridiculous.

                    4. Now that’s just stupid. The good kind of stupid, I mean. But stupid.

                    5. This retired steelworker thought it would be fun to make fun of me, not least because I show up at the range with my BF wearing tweeds, knee socks, and wellies (it was wet!).

                      I was down for being made fun of, and was tolerably nonretarded, at least after the first shot. I had literally no idea it was like, an especially big gun, but the .45 felt pretty easy after.

                2. My friends and I developed a code language. It eventually devolved, but I’m pretty sure paperbag was a bj and plastic was some sort of scatological fetish… I just remember the lulz everytime someone said they preferred “plastic”.

              2. Couldn’t she just close her eyes, instead of giving you the paper bag to wear?

  5. Reason H&R Poll: Tonight at midnight I will legally be 21 years old. What’s a good IPA or pale ale in general I should buy? I’m in the middle of finals week so I’m foregoing hard liquor for now.

    1. The one you should have been brewing while underage.

      1. This is the correct answer.

        Since that doesn’t appear to be possible, ASM should tell us where he’s located.

    2. Fuck your finals. You’re stupid and you’re going to fail them all. You’re ugly, too, and no one will ever love you. The only alcohol that’s suitable for someone like you is Jack Daniel’s.

      1. I should listen to Uncle Warty.

        1. All I have to say on the subject: Margaritas are a very bad idea.

          1. I can just picture the pajama party with premixed margaritas you had on your 21st. Were the pillowfights fun?

            1. I turned 21 on a Sunday, and there no alcohol sales at all in KY then, so the only choice was Evansville, where only restaurants could serve. Mexican restaurant was the choice. I ended up getting kicked out after spraying still cold frozen margarita all over the bathroom and ripping a toilet paper dispenser off of a wall.

              1. Hacienda?

                1. Chi-Chi’s in front of the Eastland Mall first, then Hacienda on Green River Road (although it was Casa Gueraido at the time.) Hacienda/CG was the one I got kicked out of.

      2. Anyone who recommends Jack Daniels for anything besides paint removal is just looking to make you sick and afraid of good whiskey!

        Good whiskey comes from Kentucky and isn’t named Jim.

        1. Some of it comes from Ireland too!

    3. No one here believes that before today you haven’t had beer.

      1. Reading comprehension, Fist.

        He wants to BUY IT HIMSELF.

        1. No one here believes that before today he hasn’t had a license that declared he was 21.

          1. When I was 18, I was from New Jersey, and I was 26. Does New Jersey still have the IDs that look like fake IDs?

            1. Nope. They fancied them up.

          2. But he didn’t get very far with it after the *real* Barry Soetoro surfaced.

      2. Of course I have, but this is my first time buying so I’m asking for good choices.

        1. You could go for Delirium Tremens, if for no other reason than the pink elephant on the label.

        2. Sierra Nevada Celebration ale is a good seasonal IPA. Otherwise you can try Green Flash West Coast IPA, Victory Hop Devil, Lagunitas IPA, Tommyknocker IPA. If you’re in Western PA try the Full Pint Brewing Chinookie.

          1. Good choices.

            Then there is Bell’s 2 Hearted Ale, which is both the best IPA in the universe (and possibly the best beer, period) and the official beer of H&R Tebow based side bets.

            Thanks once again to Baked Penguin for the 6 pack of 2 hearted. Sucker.

            1. I totally agree. Heading to the pub soon for a couple of Two Hearteds.

            2. Yeah, I was crazy to think Tebow would have a lousy career.

            3. I forgot 2 Hearted. That does rock.

        3. Lagunitas. Maximus

        4. If I’m not too late, Lagunitas makes a damn food IPA.

          You can get it at whole foods pretty much anywhere these days, something that has increased my joi de vivre by at least 50%.

          Try the Maximus for a truly ridiculous level of hops.

          1. Should have read further down I guess.

            Still good advice, even if it’s redundant.

    4. Can’t go wrong with Stone. Either Angry Bastard or just their standard is fine.

      1. Arrogant Bastard.

    5. Why does it need to be an IPA or pale ale? I suggest this, which is in its current annual limited release right now.

      1. ABV: 9.9%

        Makes my list.

      2. It sounds gross, but I’m perfectly willing to accept that it’s good. But not from you. Your taste is as terrible as your smell.

        1. That’s not what you said last night.

          1. Like I could understand anything you were saying with that ring gag in. I just pretended to agree so you’d shut up.

            1. I know you hate yourself after each session, but I know you’ll come crawling back. You do every time.

      3. Oooh, that sounds awesome. Is it hoppy?

        1. Lagunitas has an incredible ability to find the perfect hoppiness. It’s uncanny. They do it for all their beers. Except the execrable fractional IPA DayTime.

          1. So is that a yes? Because “perfect hoppiness” is…subjective.

            1. It is hoppy but not too hoppy. If you want really hoppy there are better choices out there. Have you had Sierra Nevada’s Hoptimum?

              1. No, that’s good. I asked because I don’t like things very hoppy.

                1. Not even bunnies?

              2. Or Terrapin’s Hopsecutioner? I like it because it looks like a Tonberry King.

          2. They are truly gods, deserving of sacrifices. Verily, I will sacrifice a six-pack for them this evening.

          3. Also, did you see these in the other thread? Sadly, I really do want them. Because instead of a hipster, I’m a yuppie dbag.

            1. If he made ones that said “Benzos”, “Opiates”, and “Cocaine” I would be forced to buy them. I mean, really, who can get Quaaludes these days?

              1. That’s exactly what I wanted to know.

              2. I mean, I’m willing to throw the benzos in a generic “downers” canister.

                1. Well, I guess that would work. What he really needs is a “Dissociative” one and an “Angel dust” one. Can you imagine the looks you would get for an angel dust one?

                  1. Angel Dust is a Dissociative, you lackwit.

                    1. No shit, bunghole polisher, but most people have no idea what a dissociative is, but they do know that angel dust causes people to punch through car windshields while trying to kill Sarah Connor, so it has way more shock value.

                    2. Why make jokes for the stupid? I mean, I make jokes for you, by why for stupid strangers?

                    3. Well, I appreciate that you do that, and want to pay it forward! Can’t I want to do something nice for JJ once in a while?

                    4. Angel dust would be awesome (except for how non-awesome it actually is), but I hope you noticed they had a poppers one. You know you want it!

                    5. “but they do know that angel dust causes people to punch through car windshields”

                      Senryl (St.Louis bioceutics), was a anesthetic from the 60’s with a very forgiving L.D./50, used in cases where blood pressure drops associated with opiates (narrow L.D./50) were undesirable…or lethal. Sernyl had many unpredictable and unpleasant side effects. Injection of Sernyl had an entirely different on humans (and primates) than smoking. The FDA reclassified it as a Schedule I drug after a while, and it was re-branded as Sernylan, and was used as a primate immobilizer…maybe it still is. Ketalar is a much milder variant of Sernyl’s phencyclo(-X) structure, still in use today, and being stuck in a ‘K-Hole’ is certainly dissociative.

                      *The more you know*

              3. I mean, really, who can get Quaaludes these days?

                I can.

    6. Lagunitas Little Sumpin’!

    7. Seriously, though, anything from Lagunitas or Stone usually does the trick.

    8. Save yourself wasted years and go straight to gin. Do not pass go. Come to think of it, do not pass your finals either I guess.

    9. Dupont Saison would be a high bar for first purchase. You not being in Colorado I can’t guarantee your selection. Here I can get anything … including Westvleterren …FROM MY BASEMENT!!! WOOOOOO!!!!

    10. In ten years, you won’t remember what you bought for beer when you hit 21. So get whatever strikes your fancy.

      1. @RRR I remember very clearly. had been pissing in the face of the authoritarian man for so long the first time I got a beer legally was a sad day for me…no more pissing.

        Stadium Inn, Denver University, Birthday Special (get free mug with beer), 1 Pint (not imperial) of Odell’s 90 Schilling.

      2. That’s most likely what I’ll do. The great thing about living near a college campus is that the grocery store nearby has a giagantic liquor section and stays open till 1 in the morning.

      3. Night I turned 21, the Four Seasons disco in town here, still purely a disco a decade after disco be dead – the band playing may have been the Miami Sound Machine before they were famous, could not swear but that was where they were from and that was their sound – kamikazes were a buck fifty the entire night.

      4. Depending on how much you drink, you might not remember what you bought the day after. You will only find out when you get the over draft notice on your bank account.

    11. Fuck beer. Try a nice tempranillo from Spain. $15 will buy a very nice bottle.

    12. Look for Bigfoot Barleywine. It’s excellent.

      1. You can taste the rape!

    13. According to the Economist, North Korea has a surprisingly good Taedonggang Beer.…..oring-beer

      1. Taedonggangnam style!

    14. I like Sierra Nevada Torpedo though I find the next day to be challenging after a few of them. Thier Celebration Ale is one of my favorites. Also, Red Hook Long Hammer IPA, and if you are in Westchester NY or its god-forsaken environs Captain Lawrence makes Freshchester, a nice pale ale. Dogfish Head 60-Minute IPA is good also.

      1. Oh, and if you have access to Great Lakes Brewing products, their Lake Erie Monster is a…monster of an IPA.

    15. Surly Furious. #1 IPA in the world.

    16. Once you’re ready for liquor, grab a bottle of Forty Creek. It’s Canadian Whisky, but probably the best damned whiskey I’ve ever had.

      1. I still have to look for this. It’s on my list though! (no Schindler)

        1. They also have really good limited batches too, such as Confederation Oak and Portwood. Expensive (about $80/bottle), but amazing.

        2. oh, and if you prefer to mix it, I suggest something like sprite or 7up. I don’t mix it, but my friends do. And it works great with those, better than darker colas and other sodas

    17. Oh, yeah, and happy birthday.

    18. What’s a good IPA or pale ale in general I should buy?

      All of them?

      1. That is most definitively not true. Ive tasted some mediocre to poor IPAs and Pale Ales.

        1. Fractional IPAs are repulsive. And there are many poor IPAs out there.

      2. Never drink vodka out of a plastic bottle. That’s what I learned when I turned 21.

        1. Slow learner?

    19. Firestone Double Jack. Anyone who tells you different IS NOT YOUR FRIEND LIKE I AM.

    20. Quit being a pussy; Jim Beam Black. It goes great with a Rocky Patel 15th Anniversary torpedo.

  6. Soctt put in one from Des Moins nd I put in one from Colorado. The one in CO is all over the news.

    1. I’ll toss this one up on 24/7 with a hat tip, thanks! It will be up in a while.

      1. I GOT A THANKS!!!! I GOT A THANKS!!!

        Next stop, Revered Commenter Bandit.

        Look out East Side, I am movin’ on up.

  7. Anyone Wanna Take a Guess At Who’s Mad That They Haven’t Been Proposed To, Yet?

    To summarize: Venker believes men are entitled to female submission, and by not being submissive, women are waging war on them. And they, in retaliation, are refusing to marry you unladlylike monsters with your careers and opinions.


    Still, having been warned by wingnuts over and over again that no one wants to marry a feminist, I find that my honest response to the threat is not to whip out the table and charts and history books. No, it’s more like this:

    Oh noes! I can’t find a husband?! But whose socks will I spend the rest of my life begrudgingly picking up?

    I get the feeling that being Amanda Marcotte’s boyfriend is somewhat like the Hobbesian state of nature: solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.

    1. She really needs to hatefuck a “male rights activist”; they’ll both feel a lot better afterward.

    2. Will not follow link. Will not follow link. Will not follow fucking Marcotte link.

      1. It tasks you.

      2. “In Russia, Feminist link follow you!”

    3. “Feminists believe in men and men’s potential, and do not accept as a given that men are monsters who will never treat women right.”

      I’m not sure how this dovetails with Marcotte’s opinion that marriage consists of nothing but picking up the idiot’s socks, but I’ve learned not to expect internal consistency from Marcotte column.

      1. The inner workings of Marcotte’s thought process are a Lovecraftian horror that cannot be understood.

        In trying to understand the madness, the madness becomes you.

        1. And when you gaze into a Marcotte, the Marcotte also gazes into you.

      2. If I ever suggested to my wife to pick my socks she would lean over the tub, find her set of throwing knives, and find a way to bounce them off the walls on the pathway to my heart. She is not a feminist, just a person you don’t cross.

    4. “and short”

      So joe, then?

    5. I get the feeling that being Amanda Marcotte’s boyfriend is somewhat like the Hobbesian state of nature: solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.

      Nah, just self-hating and gay.

      Come out the closet before you legally entangled yourself with this sea hag, you poor bastard. Marrying her is not going to make you dad stop hating you.

  8. A Hungarian leader Godwinned himself after calling for Jews to be registered as threats to national security.

    You know who else wanted to register the Jews? That’s right, that senator from the X-Men movies.

    1. That movie was a metaphor for gays, not Jews, you anti-Semitic homophobe!

      1. Jews are gays, you homosemetic bigot.

        1. And all this time, I thought it was about the blacks!

          Amazing the things you learn on H&R.

          1. No, that’s just the cabbies.

        2. Jerri: Mr. Noblet wants me to snitch on a friend.

          Jellineck: Snitching doesn’t seem like you, Jerri.

          Jerri: Oh, it’s not what you think. It’s not like snitching on a real person. She’s–

          Jellineck: Gay?

          Jerri: Retarded.

          Jellineck: Yes, most of them are.

          Jerri: Most who are what?

          Jellineck: Most gay people are retarded.

          Jerri: Does that mean Kimberly Timbers is gay?

          Jellineck: I don’t know. Hey! Make a pass at her and find out. She’d have to be retarded to turn you down.

      2. Wait, there were moralistic metaphors in that movie?

        1. Yes:

          “You know what happens to a toad when it gets struck by lightning?”

          1. Joss Whedon cries into his diet soda somewhere?

    2. I thought the answer was Democrats (as long as they don’t have to show ID)?

  9. Ohh and if you are into alternative currencies then bitcoin just hit 210000 blocks. A neat idea, bitcoin, especially when you consider the coolness of the “brain wallet”.

    1. You know what’s more awesome than a permanently deflationary currency?


      Even fiat money.

      1. Your comment does not compute. I will agree there are discussions to be had about bit coin (primarily arbitrage and intrinsic related) but deflationary risk is not one of them.

      2. That’s a strange comment. Perhaps, you are mistaking the word ‘deflationary’ with one that means something entirely different.

      3. Lets see I buy something and it gets more valuable the longer I save it….


        1. i chortled out loud.

      4. So if I have (theoretically) 100,000 dollars in a deflationary currency, and I don’t spend it for a few years, I’m screwed? Or is it worth more then?

  10. Come, see the incredible mental contortions of a feminist discussing dating:

    -I always offer to pay. If I eat or drink something, I expect to pay for it and am more than happy to do so. I’m not reaching for my pocketbook just for show.

    It’s a traaapppp:

    But there’s also something very powerful and very convenient about having dating weeding-out mechanisms. They aren’t going to help you get married tomorrow. They aren’t going to get you a boyfriend or a girlfriend ASAP. But they will make you a lot happier, and they will help point you towards the right kind of people for you (and away from the wrong ones). The feminist thing is a good one. And so is the issue of who pays. I want to date someone who is kind and generous and thoughtful and interesting and smart and attractive and nice to me; I want someone to date me because he thinks I’m kind and generous and thoughtful and interesting and smart and attractive and nice to him. Men who meet all of those criteria will often offer to pay for dates.

    At least she’s honest here:

    I kinda feel bad for men who go on dates with me.

    1. Ugh. And a note on the door-holding thing, because a lot of guys don’t know this: you’re supposed to go through revolving doors first.

      1. Dammit. I so enjoy looking at a fine backside shrouded in tight fitting jeans pushing a revolving door…

        1. Hehe. That’s why you’re supposed to do it–because of the pushing.

      2. And up the stairs first.

        1. I know about this rule, and I follow it carefully.

    2. I want someone to date me because he thinks I’m kind and generous and thoughtful and interesting and smart and attractive and nice to him. Men who meet all of those criteria will often offer to pay for dates.

      No she doesn’t. She wants Gregor Edmunds to brutally fuck the shit out of her. We established that this morning.

      1. SHE CAN’T HAVE HIM.

      2. I just perused that. What the fuck is it with libertarian women and kilts? The only libertarian woman I ever dated had the same fetish. I will say, though, it’s really easy to bang in one.

        1. I would hardly call it a fetish.

          1. Why not? I call my predilection for chicks in french maid outfits a fetish.

            1. I thought a fetish had to be something that 99.9% of the population doesn’t get aroused by.

              1. Not sure what definition you’re using. I’ve always gone by this one:

                Something found sexually arousing that is not directly related to sexual activity.

                1. I thought fetishes were *requirements* for a given person’s sexual arousal.

                  1. Naw, that would mean that people who like to play both sadistically and masochistically would not be able to call either one a fetish (one at a time is the usual arrangement). I know people who like to change it up. What you’re talking about sounds like a job for a shrink. Fetishes are perfectly normal.

      3. Damn those burly men in kilts and their panty-wetting skills.

        1. Guys in kilts wet their panties? That’s fucked up, but to each his own, I guess.

    3. “I kinda feel bad for men who go on dates with me.”

      I would be totally amazed and astounded by anyone who went on a second date with you.

    1. I discovered that I was earning $20 000 less than my predecessor. Admittedly, the guy before me was about ten years my senior

      Experiments with monkeys show that people stop reading right there.

    2. I used to run experiments on monkeys, and all it ever taught me is that monkeys are fucking disgusting. They’re nature’s humans.

      ee: (picking out meat at the Chinese deli) OK, well, we’ll take, um, that big brown mound and the curly stuff and then this thing that looks like a blanket.

      Charlie: Try some of that.

      Dee: Definitely.

      Charlie: Oh, oh, oh! What about, uh, monkey? Monkeys are, like, nature’s humans.

      Dee: I doubt they have monkey, Charlie.

      Charlie: People eat monkey, Dee. They ate it in Temple of Doom. You ever see that?

      Chinese Butcher: Hey. We got monkey.

    3. I think that the point of the article was – If you want to be treated like a man, fling your poop at others and masturbate in public.

  11. Sounds Like Stimulus To Me!

    The relationship between the popular Times columnist and the dominant European economy has thus settled into a stable, if neurotic, pattern: Krugman attacks Germans for their economic habits and trashes their most beloved public officials; in response, Germans wince, complain, and then ask for more.

    1. It’s almost not even worth mocking anymore.

      Not that I’m going to stop of course, but sometimes I wonder how much humor can be mined from a group of people that goes so far beyond even self-parody.

  12. Season of Recovery!…..income.jpg

  13. Captain Kirk shills for NASA

    “They were humanitarians and statesmen. And they had a dream. A dream that became a reality and spread throughout the stars. A dream that made Mister Spock and me brothers.”

    1. No Kirk, the correct reponse regarding the future of NASA is…

      1. “Death has little meaning to us. If it has none to you, then attack us now. We grow annoyed at your foolishness.”


    Bla, bla, bla, woof, woof, woof. Same ol’ nonsense, but this snippet is displayed prominently as the lede of one of the articles:

    “The Supreme Court is still unsure whether the Affordable Care Act’s contraceptive mandate violates ‘religious freedoms.’ When will we grow up, get real, and stop pretending that nonsensical religious beliefs are just as important as women’s health?”

    They’ve stopped pretending that it’s a balancing act, and the First is now a dead letter as far as Jezebel and a good part of the left is concerned.

    Once again, nothing on womens’ rights in Africa and the Middle East, or practical advice on career and relationships with the opposite sex.

    1. Why do you do this to yourself? This much Jezebel can’t be good for your psyche.

      1. I work as an actuary for the government. It’s no less corrupting than what I have to deal with at work…

        1. Perhaps you’d tell “Mr. Washington” the truth about Social Security ….?

          1. Many actuaries have tried. All have failed…

            1. Paul: Tried and failed?
              Benegeserit: Tried and died!

    2. But contraception is guaranteed in the Constitution.

    3. I want to know how the fuck they’ve been able to convince large portions of the population that contraception is a goddamn health issue.

      IT’S A FUCKING LIFESTYLE CHOICE. Of course they will trot out the whole “but some women need it for medical conditions, blah blah blah” which is true, but to pretend that any more than 1% of women who use the pill (or a derivative) for medical reasons as opposed to not getting fucking pregnant is a farce.

      How the fuck to do we reclaim the framing of the issue. Birth control IS NOT about health, but lifestyle.

      1. I want to know how the fuck they’ve been able to convince large portions of the population that contraception is a goddamn health issue.

        I am still confused how not only health issues became government responsibility but how people actually think having government making decisions over health issues is even a remotely good idea.

        The idea that there are women clamoring for government issued birth control pills is too insane for me to contemplate.

        1. One thing that ticks me off is that we’ve had “safe sex” drummed into us for 25 years, and suddenly that gets forgotten when Sandra Fluke wants free birth control pills. If the GOP had been on their toes they would have brought that up at the time, but no…..

      2. As long as women earn only $0.73 for every dollar a man makes we are responsible for their healthcare lifestyle choice basic human rights.

        Do you want to return to the conformist 1950s days of back-alley coathanger abortions when rape victims were sold off to brothels?

      3. I’m still waiting for people to look up the word “insurance” to see what it means.

  15. For the record, and since I didn’t get the chance to say it yesterday, it should be noted that Sugarfree is a vile bastard for linking to the Rachel Maddow Imaginary Girlfriend post — in which is nestled this particularly awful comment.

    In my head, Rachel and I do the NYT crossword puzzle in bed together. For every answer she or I get right, we give each other passionate nibbles in very sensitive, erogenous areas as rewards. Then we hop in the shower together and try not to get distracted by our mutual lust for one another as we hurry to get ready. But we always are…

    Any suggestions for how to remove knowledge of this comment from my brain would be greatly appreciated.


    2. How’s this?

      In my head, Warty and I do the NYT crossword puzzle in bed together. For every answer we right, we give each other passionate nibbles in very sensitive, erogenous areas as rewards. Then we hop in the shower together and try not to get distracted by our mutual lust for one another as we hurry to get ready. But we always are…

      1. Hey, that was my Saturday. Stop belittling our love!

        1. Are you sure those were NYT crossword puzzles?

          1. Actually we just read the Howard Huge panel and then toss the thing.

        2. Belittling? I think you meant “embiggening.”

          1. I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Warty’s reputation is…inflated.

            1. That sort of thing is his bag, baby!

      2. So…

        two dueling images you can’t unsee?

        1. The worst part is when the two images blend into one another to create a meta-image of the purest revulsion.

          1. When the two images fully unite, you end up in a van with Suthenboy (see below for reference)


      1. You live for these moments, don’t you? When someone admits you scarred their brain?

    4. This didn’t bother me since I can’t believe Maddow would have any erogenous zones. Nor could I believe that Maddow nor any life form that could be in bed with her could possibly get any answers correct.

      Besides, I’m sure Maddow is getting plenty of nibbles already from bed bugs.

      1. In my head, Warty, Maddow, the URKOBOLD, and White Indian do the NYT crossword puzzle in bed together. For every answer they get right, they give each other passionate nibbles in very sensitive, erogenous areas as rewards. Also, White Indian declares that unshaven hoohas are “agricultural” abominations. Then they hop in the shower together and try not to get distracted by their mutual lust for one another as they hurry to get ready. But they always are…

        1. where are Joe and DONDERRROOOOOO!

          1. Joe was down at the county building trying to get them a variance for the city’s cohabitation laws.

            1. +1 internetz

    5. It’s fascinating that the original poster fantasizes about a “Beautiful Connecticut Home” that in any other scenario, owned by any other person, they would despise.

    6. If you get more than 2 words done, you’re doing it wrong.

    7. Bourbon, don’t bother with the glass.

  16. I once had a headknocking contest with Top Men.

    I worked at a huge state mental hospital in the police dept. . We mostly restrained violent patients, caught escapees, patrolled traffic etc.. Now and then I would transport patients for discharge or to other facilities or to court.

    Once while transporting a kid to court in New Orleans the kid tried to commit suicide by jumping out of the van on I-10 at 70mph. That was some scary shit. Having a knock-down, biting, hair pulling, nose punching drag out while driving is pretty harrowing. When I got the van stopped and we ( one other staff member ) got the kid under control I was able to call and get some assistance.

    Upon returning to the hospital I was told that in a week I had to take the same kid in the same van to the same court. I told them I would be happy to, but in a van with a cage and the kid in restraints and two staff. I was told no, the same conditions would apply. No cages cuz public image and no restraints cuz policy blah blah.

    My reply; ” Fuck that, I aint doing it. Someone is going to get killed.” and in those very words.

    The hospital administrator said if I didnt agree to do it I would have to go home. Without hesitation I said “Bye” , handed him my keys and walked out the door.

    1. My chief caught me in the parking lot, apologized, said he understood and would see what he could do about things.

      He fixed it for me and I took the kid to court.

      The administrator, Top Man, the epitomy of a state bureaucrat, never would speak to me again. Fuck him.

      I see things have gone back to the way they were before my tantrum.…..ing_i.html

      I just called Top Man, but no answer, so I left a message. I asked him if the van in the story had a cage.

      1. That’s insane. Fuck the state.

      2. Bonus points for the “No signs of Alcohol were found in the drivers system”. Like if he had had 2 beers at lunch this would all the sudden be his fault and these doosh canoes would be off the hook.

      3. I was stuck in that traffic, late for an appointment, and I remember muttering, “Someone better be dead up there.”

        I felt kind of sick later when I found out what happened.

    2. So you job was to restrain patients, but they were unwilling to restrain a patient with a history of dagnerous behavior?

      1. Oh, Jesus. I posted that before you posted your second one. Fuck them.

        1. Yeah, I am wondering if I shouldnt call the dead kid’s family and tell them to sue the state for the records of my incident.

          1. Do it. The state took responsibility for their boy and then failed in that responsibility.

          2. Absolutely.

  17. But I thought that the only thing stopping Obama the Great from creating utopia was RETHUGLIKKKKKAN OBSTRUXSHUNIZM!!!

    President Obama’s re-election and Democratic gains in Congress were supposed to make it easier for the party to strike a deal with Republicans to resolve the year-end fiscal crisis by providing new leverage. But they could also make it harder as empowered Democrats, including some elected on liberal platforms, resist significant changes in entitlement programs like Social Security and Medicare.

    As Congress returned Monday, the debate over those programs, which many Democrats see as the core of the party’s identity, was shaping up as the Democratic version of the higher-profile struggle among Republicans over taxes.

    Fucking partisan hacks.

    1. Only 3 Ks in RethugliKKKan.

      Just like in AmeriKKKa.

      1. I just got too excited.
        I was imagining a SHREEK-like character jizzing the keyboard as he says over and over “RETHUGLIKKKAN OBSTRUXSHUNIZM is the problem . . .”

  18. Glenn Beck puts Obama figurine in in a jar of urine.

    Not a big fan of Beck, but that is some top-notch trolling right there. The HuffPo comments are awesome!

    1. Yeah, but Beck didn’t use taxpayer money to do it. Only the grand and glorious state is allowed to make urine art!

      1. Yeah, the Left really fails to understand why people were upset about Mapplethorpe’s Piss Christ: it was sacrilege financed by tax dollars.

        1. Well duh. That’s not real money. It comes from the government fairy.

          1. Check me on that: It was Andres Serrano who did Piss Christ. Mapplethrope got taxpayer money to take picture of naked children and shove a bull whip up his ass.

            1. Uh, he stuck things up his and other men’s urethras. If you are going to talk about Mapplethorpe, at least know his work, you pedestrian.

              1. Mapplethorpe took all those pics on his own dime. Some art museum in Cincinnati got fedgovtaxpayer dollars to exhibit them.

            2. Yep. According to googlefu, Jesse Helms was pissed because it got NEA funding.

            3. Y’know, I was gonna complain about taxpayer funding for Piss Christ, but pictures of naked children and people shoving things up other people’s urethras has completely changed my mind. We’d practically be cutting government to the bone by eliminating this vital function!

    2. Wow, that’s actually pretty brilliant. I doubt the HuffPo retards even get how they got PWN’D.

      1. One of them literally said ‘What is funny about mocking a sitting PRESIDENT in a time of WAR?!’ We are through the looking glass. Left is right and right is left.

        1. TEAM BLUE is blue on the right side. All of their TEAM is blue on the right side.

        2. That is not the worst one:

          91 Fans Become a fan
          2 hours ago ( 5:41 PM)
          Beck not only insulted our President, Barack Hussein Obama he insulted and offended me. The President is just not the President, he is also husband of Michelle, father of Sasha and Malia, son of Obama Sr. and Ann Durham and brother to Maya Soetoro Ny and consequently he and his family deserve respect. Besides him being a credit to his family, his other accomplishments include First African American to graduate from Harvard, Illinois State Senator, Nobel Peace Prize Recipient and not to mention, he ascended to being the most powerful leader of the entire world when the American public overwhelmingly elected and reelected him as our 44th President of the United States. I get great pleasure knowing he is hating it right now that Obama won. My question to Beck: What have you done lately beside humiliating yourself?

          First African American to graduate from Harvard. Someone seriously said that.

          1. And then there’s the person who apparently believes the entire world functions like HuffPo’s comments section:

            maria peraza
            252 Fans Become a fan
            3 hours ago ( 4:50 PM)
            Why is Beck’s comment approved?? He is showing disrespect for the President!!

      2. So Obama is officially better than Jesus to the left? I mean, even if you view Jesus as a purely mythical figure, that’s some statement.

        1. He performs miracles. After all, he ended the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, decreased the deficit, brought us record prosperity, ended global warming, showed us real bipartisanship, closed Gitmo, ended prohibition, fixed the gender pay gap, saved Detroit, singlehandedly led the Seals to Abbottabad on horseback and fired the killing shot on bin Laden, and gave us all free healthcare.


    4. When will I learn? Never read huffpo comments before a second whiskey. Or was that a third?

      1. Who keeps count?

      2. One brainiac’s clever observation: Question, if Beck, Limbaugh, Hannity and the bunch from Fox are so influential, with millions upon millions of followers, why do the candidates they back LOSE and have been losing for the past two Presidential elections???

        Reminds me of a Simpsons joke: “”Maybe that’s why we beat them at football nearly half the time!”

    5. that is pretty bad ass real-life trolling there.

      1. Knowing Beck, it’s probably apple juice.

        1. Apparently beer — even funnier as Beck is a recovering alcoholic.

    6. Mirth and Girth did it 20 years ago. (Well, not the urine, but the taking down of a revered politician.)

  19. a good question

    Raising taxes: what’s the actual argument?

    I get all that but that’s not what I’m asking. What I’m asking is: why do the (D)s want to raise taxes? Or let me clarify (because perhaps the answer to that is psychological, and that’s not what I’m going for): what is their rational argument for raising taxes?

    In other words, pretend I’m a simpleton. (I know, it’s hard.) And I ask a lefty, innocently: “Wait, so why should any taxes be raised? At all? On anyone?” Their verbal answer (even if it’s not their actual, subconscious motivating answer) will be “Because _______”. I’m wondering what goes in the blank space there.

    … More Stimulus is better! However much Stimulus was done isn’t enough! ‘The deficit’ is not a consideration at all. We should spend X and if we do spend X then X wasn’t enough because we should really spend 2X. For all X. ‘Deficit’ schmeficit. This is crystal clear from basically all lefty commentary from anywhere.

    1. I’ve had that debate with Lefties. They want to punish the rich, pure and simple. They know that any additional revenue would be miniscule (if there is any).

      1. Miniscule doesnt quite cover it. The additional revenue would be around 90B a year. Currently we are spending 1.3 trillion more than we bring in. I am guessing spending would jump by 180 billion if we brought in an additional 90.

        In my conversations with lefties, it always comes out. They try to hide it, but if I keep pushing it pops out.

        Punish the rich. Envy.

        1. I wouldn’t mind raising taxes if the politicians were serious about cutting spending. All their plans seem to be, let raise taxes now and cut spending sometime later. And later never comes.

          Although there are some Republicans who are okay. There isn’t a single Democrat who is.

    2. Self-hating Democrats.

      The same party that tries to get as many people on Food Stamps and Medicaid is the same party that wants to enact means testing to get people off such programs.

    3. For the rank and file lefty, envy, “the rich can afford it”, etc. For the Dem leadership, it is presenting a plausible (to the casual observer) method of reducing the deficit that targets an unsympathetic class of people and therby avoids talking about controlling spending and the resulting patronage which drives the Democrat Party.

  20. Seven Egyptian Christians and a Florida pastor have been sentenced, in absentia, to death in Egypt over the Innocence of Muslims movie.

    So Obama was right, the future doesn’t belong to people who denigrate Islam.

    1. That is really the problem that the US (and West faces). Not terrorism. But the kind of cultural superiority Islam feels and wants to impose on the world, which is against basic Western values.

  21. lol, I give a huge Middle Finger Salute to Allah, Islam and Muslims in general! Boo yah!

    1. Anonbot, you so racist.

      1. I think we’ve officially been pegged as a “Right Wing” site for the AnonBots to post to.

        1. But, I hate Islam for entirely leftist related reasons! Subjugation of women, warrior cultural destructiveness, anti-science metaphysical squirreliness, and just being buttholes in general.

  22. A former Marine Corps prison in Quantico, Va. had the resources to hold alleged WikiLeaks source Bradley Manning for 90 days, not the 9 months he stayed there, the prison’s former commanding officer said Tuesday.

    This makes no sense to me. If a prison has the “resources” to hold someone for 90 days, why not 900 days? What “resources” do they run out of?

    1. Bread and water, no doubt.

  23. What a miserable little island! Too bad this government child stealing crap is happening here too.

  24. Fire that fat motherfucker now before he caps a kid for fleeing from him because he can’t be bothered to do the right.

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