Obama's Middle-Class Mandate, Shirtless Agent Also Clueless?, Public Pension Debate: P.M. Links

• President Obama claims, of course, that he has a mandate to help the middle class. Note to Mr Obama: We're just not that into you.

• The role of FBI Agent Fred Humphries in the Petraeus saga gets more complicated, with the usual unnamed source saying the shirtless lawman only accidentally spilled the beans on the high-profile affair. Oh, and General Open-Fly denies his resignation had anything to do with Benghazi.
• Europe is, once again, in recession with its collective economy shrinking month after month. Bright skies ahead, for us.
• Israel moves more troops and armor toward Gaza after rockets hit a Tel Aviv suburb.
• The National Federation of Independent Business frets that Obamacare will force businesses to scrutinize their employees' finances in order to comply with a mandate that any offered insurance be "affordable."
• Former Los Angeles Mayor Richard Riordan will debate pension reform with union officials. Watch your back, Dick.
• George Allen walked out of prison after 30 years after a judge found that police hid potentially exonerating evidence and coerced a confession from him.

Have a news tip for us? Send it to: [e-mail]

The updated Reason app for Apple and Android now includes Reason 24/7!

Don't forget to sign up for Reason's daily AM/PM updates for more content.

Comments

[generic Brand]

P.M. Links

Fuck you, Fist. See? Relevancy!

[Doktor Kapitalism]

Impressive, by Doktor Kapitalism.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Profanity in a first comment? I never!

[Groovus Maximus]

And it frigidly shows, you ice queen.

[Fist of Etiquette]

I'm trying to bury my past life as a slut.

[A Serious Man]

Rest assured, Reason commentators, the gay twins involved in an incestuous love affair are doing fine!

[Karl Hungus]

THe columnist called it "twincest." I lol'd

[Doktor Kapitalism]

She also thought her commentators coined the term. I heard that one in high school while discussing this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T.....e_of_Usher

[Coeus]

She also thought her commentators coined the term.

Very doubtful. There's probably even a reddit page with that name.

[Doktor Kapitalism]

Wouldn't surprise me in the least.

Have I ever mentioned your handle reminds me of Creon?

[Coeus]

Nope. But it's still greek, so you're in the right ballpark. Major difference being that a god's sisters bang their brothers, not their sons.

[CE]

Huh? I skipped reading and went straight to the comments so I could be first, and there were already two comments....

[CE]

There must be some 7-second delay to the West Coast, like with live sports broadcasts.

[A Serious Man]

I'm in California and I posted the first link just fine. And I maintain that legitimate first comments must either comment on one of the PM links provided or introduce a new link. So I was first for the first time!

[Fist of Etiquette]

Israel moves more troops and armor toward Gaza after rockets hit a Tel Aviv suburb.

I'm a little surprised they're not parked there permanently.

[Doktor Kapitalism]

Really loosing your edge, Fist. I've got good money on you, so don't disappoint.

[Fist of Etiquette]

The people were starting to turn on me, so I had to throw them something.

[Tim]

Tow zone

[Doktor Kapitalism]

"Europe is, once again, in recession with its collective economy shrinking month after month. Bright skies ahead, for us."

This is news?

[Anonymous Coward]

The Progressives want us to follow Europe's example so I guess that means...

Recession? Fuck yeah!

[Fist of Etiquette]

George Allen walked out of prison after 30 years after a judge found that police hid potentially exonerating evidence and coerced a confession from him.

Prosecutors are, of course, vowing to return him to prison.

[A Serious Man]

Anthropology news: human ancestors were making stone-tipped spear tools 500,000 years ago, far earlier than previous suspected.

[Doktor Kapitalism]

Fundamentalists are silent on the implications of this discovery.

[generic Brand]

Based on evidence that both early modern humans and our closest relatives, the Neandertals, made stone-tipped spears, some researchers hypothesized that their common ancestor?a species called Homo heidelbergensis?shared this know-how.

Take your splitter nonsense and leave, sir!

[gaijin]

You know, this type of finding (pushing back the boundary) has me thinking that we have probably been as intelligent as we are going to get since the beginning...which is kind of depressing.

[Tim]

The guy who figured out how to put the pointy rock on the end of the pointy stick, thus exceeding by an order of magnitude what either rock or stick could accomplish alone, that guy was the Bill Gates of 500,000 BC.

[A Serious Man]

That stone-tipped spear? He didn't build that.

[Tim]

Grogg need permit to carry pain stick! No legitimate hunting use!

[Lewisite]

The pre-pre-historic constitution was a little vague on that, so...probably yes.

/Tribal elders

[Brett L]

Was probably built like Bill Gates to the alpha male's Chris watisname? The Thor dude who decided (poorly, IMO) that there actually was enough money in all the world to remake Red Dawn, apparently camp free.

[A Serious Man]

I posted a link a few days ago about a study that shows we are actually getting dumber since intelligence is no longer as needed for survival.

[Episiarch]

So that explains Ezra Klein...

[Tim]

Unnameed.

[Jab Tak hai Jaan]

I just caught a bit of a show on PBS that said that very thing. We don't have to be as sharp as our ancestors were to stay alive.

[R C Dean]

Yet we are apparently convinced that everyone born before, say, 1960, was a complete idiot, and we have nothing to learn from them, no reason to believe they had good reasons for doing things the way they did, or believing the things they believed.

[Anonymous Coward]

And they are all racists. And sexists. And ageists. And specists. And homophobes. And they would have opposed carbon trading if anyone had thought of it at the time.

[Somalian Road Corporation]

You forgot my favorite, "ableist".

[Brett L]

I find this weird as they've had to renormalize the IQ test a couple of times to keep the bell curve from drifting to the right. If the Greeks were so goddamned smart, why didn't they figure out that there are multiple valid geometries based on different axioms?

[0x90]

Intelligence is one thing, and having a library full of books, another. I doubt Gauss et al would've come up with what they did, had they not had Euclid to pick apart. Maxwell may easily have been Einstein, had he been born fifty years later. And so on. Intelligence could very well be a constant, and it would not preclude an upward slope in the cumulative state of human knowledge.

[Brett L]

This happy couple isn't going to let a little fight prevent them from marrying. Although they did have to delay long enough for the groom to post bail. I'm kinda sad. Hope Solo always struck me as the fun kind of crazy. I mean, never one to give your home address or email passwords to, but fun.

U.S. women's soccer goalkeeper Hope Solo and former NFL tight end Jerramy Stevens were married Tuesday, according to reports, after an altercation that left Stevens in jail and their wedding plans up in the air.

[A Serious Man]

Meh, Alex Morgan is hotter anyway, although she's dating some Mexican footballer.

[Jab Tak hai Jaan]

So you're saying the Mexican has a foot fetish?

[Red Rocks Rockin]

Hope Solo always struck me as the fun kind of crazy. I mean, never one to give your home address or email passwords to, but fun.

Yeah. You'd fuck her, but you'd never want to date her.

In all seriousness, I don't have much sympathy for women who stay in these kinds of relationships at this stage of our society. There's been enough feminist "Burning Bed"/"Sleeping With The Enemy"-type propoganda (not to mention common fucking sense) to make them aware that being with a violent man is not good for them, and you're not going to get them to change. Women who seek these kinds of men out really need to get a grip.

[Ted S.]

Sleeping With the Enemy needed one more bullet.

[Karl Hungus]

Gilbert Gottfried reads Fifty Shades of Grey.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v.....r_embedded

[Episiarch]

God damn I wish I could listen to that right now. One of the funniest things I've ever heard was a morning on the Howard Stern show when Gilbert was on and all they did was imitate and talk like Jerry Seinfeld all morning.

[Karl Hungus]

I should specify that it is NSFW, but with Gilbert Gottfried, that's pretty much a given.

[Karl Hungus]

I don't know if you've ever heard his standup before, but he's one of the raunchiest comics I know of, if not the raunchiest. And he's consistently funny.

[Episiarch]

He's also totally nuts. But yeah, he's extremely funny.

[C. Anacreon]

He is funny, but all he does is tell old jokes. He's kind of a dirty Henny Youngman.

[nicole just can't even!]

No HT?!?

[Karl Hungus]

No HT?!?

A HT for what? For whom?? Did I miss something? Did I do a bad thing?? 🙁

[nicole just can't even!]

No, plainly not; I just happened to link in an earlier thread to a review of 50 Shades that had this clip in it.

[Lewisite]

"Gilbert Gottfried reads Fifty Shades of Grey."

was good, +1 to you

[Doktor Kapitalism]

I'm sure I can find a reasonoid to disagree.

http://www.foxnews.com/health/.....ur-rivals/

[Brett L]

Oxytocin, which is known to contribute to pair-bonding, getting laid regularly encourages men to expand their personal "Don't come near me" bubble when around an attractive woman ? but only when those men are in relationships, researchers found.

[Doktor Kapitalism]

Found it!

[Brett L]

I am obliging. Also, if my chemistry defines me to that degree, it seriously limits the boundries of my (and everyone's) will beyond a point I am willing to accept. Just to prove it, I am going to get in a relationship and then touch attractive women. Preferably on their mammary glands. Fuck you, science.

[Doktor Kapitalism]

Good luck with that relationship.

Actually, I'd put the image experiment as the real evidence here. I immediately thought that the contact with females might be conscious.

"Guys in relationships who got the oxytocin dose were also slower than other men to respond to photographs of beautiful women in the joystick task, the researchers found."

[Scruffy Nerfherder]

the joystick task

Nuff' said.

[Pro Libertate]

Is that a euphemism? It sounds like one.

[Doktor Kapitalism]

Out of context, I sure does. I saw this coming, but never, never give a reasonoid an idea...

[Tim]

In "general", this is probably true. In Generals, not so much.

[Almanian.]

You want me to fire my Howitzer? Well - do ya?

[CE]

No, tanks.

[Fist of Etiquette]

...with the usual unnameed source saying the shirtless lawman only accidentally spilled the beans on the high-profile affair.

Crackerjack law enforcement work from the Bureau.

[Tim]

unnameed?

[Fist of Etiquette]

Crackerjack copy editing from reason.

[Tim]

Unnameed a Thneed.

[A Serious Man]

That's not the stuff: Hostess threatens to liquidate its assets and fold if strike isn't resolved.

Goodbye Twinkies, Zingers, and Wonderbread.

[Anonymous Coward]

"I don't want to lose my job. It's Christmas time," said 23-year-old Daniel Smith, who makes $11.64 an hour at the plant. "But if I have to take the cuts they're talking about I can get more from unemployment."

Mmmm, yummy government teat.

[gaijin]

the dude cannot do math if he thinks UE will ever cover more than he was making. Isn't your benefit tied directly to what you were making before being unemployed?

[Anonymous Coward]

Shhhhhh! It's Christmas time.

[Chris Mallory]

Usually it is an average over the past X number months.

[Fist of Etiquette]

I will buy one of their factories and make my own Twinkies. And Ho-Ho's. Oh yes, all for me. Bwahahahahaha!

[Dr. Frankenstein]

As I stated earlier this is how the zombie apocalypse starts. That's why Tallehasse couldn't find Twinkies in Zombieland.

[Marshall Gill]

Hostess threatens to liquidate its assets and fold if strike isn't resolved.

This would be so fucking awesome.

"We are wealthy and do not need to bother working to keep ourselves in good living conditions so fuck you union parasites, we are going to close the doors and you can all go fuck yourselves."

[Red Rocks Rockin]

If they do shut down, I'm popping some popcorn and hoping it's covered in great detail on MSNBC. The spittle-flecked outrage would be awesome to behold.

[Red Rocks Rockin]

Hahaha, holy shit:

We want to go back to work. But all I've done since I've been here is give," said 35-year-old Dan Carlson, who mixes dough in the Lenexa plant for $17 an hour and has worked with Hostess for six years. "We can't keep giving."

Damn, $17 an hour to mix water, flour, and sugar?

[Auric Demonocles]

Europe is, once again, in recession with its collective economy shrinking month after month

That's impossible. If things were that close to a recession, the election would have been about the economy, and not the war on women.

[Brett L]

Most disappointing news story of the day.

These deep fried donuts are injected with different jelly and liquor flavors.

The owners say the donuts are legal because they cook the fillings to eliminate the alcohol while still leaving the strong flavors behind.

Why?

[Auric Demonocles]

Notice, that it's "the owners say"...

[Heroic Mulatto]

First of all, what the fuck is a "donut"?

Secondly, the fact that all doughnuts must be halal is further proof that the President is a homosexual crypto-Muslim.

[Wastelander]

Also known as a "doughnut"...
Which was meant to incorporate a pithy response vis-a-vis the distinction between "secondly" and "secondarily", but the number of drinks I've had causes me to wonder if such a reply would be valid or need to be defended behind the pretense of irony.

I'm not sure which applies here. That saddens me.

[Heroic Mulatto]

Secondly as in the second item on my agenda.

I always have an agenda.

[Generic Stranger]

That's a myth. Alcohol does not cook out of food, at least not enough to drop the alcohol content appreciably. I think cooks continue to say it does so they don't have to deal with alcohol regulations.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Former Los Angeles Mayor Richard Riordan will debate pension reform with union officials.

What kind of pension does His Honor draw? Be a real shame something happened to it.

[some guy]

I hate this talk of mandates. More people decided to not vote than voted for Obama. So stop talking about mandates, godammit.

[generic Brand]

I think they're really talking about the romantic evening Obama has planned for Pauly Krugnuts.

[Scruffy Nerfherder]

And over here, is the stimulus room....

[Dr. Frankenstein]

*barf*

[gaijin]

Power monger gonna monger

[Episiarch]

It's Man Date you fool.

[Pro Libertate]

Mandurbate.

[Episiarch]

Manbate?

[Tim]

Unnameed.

[Groovus Maximus]

You'll go blind!

[Pro Libertate]

I hope the president avoids mandurbation, then. I don't care for him, but I don't wish him blind.

[Scruffy Nerfherder]

More people decided to not vote than voted for Obama.

And yet, fucking the Ron Paulites in the ass had no outcome on the election whatsoever. The GOP just needs to communicate its platform in a more sensitive manner.

[Auric Demonocles]

Someone here (I think it was Ken) got pissy at me for daring to ask "what margin of victory constitutes a mandate?" He was apparently offended that I thought the answer wasn't obviously "any victory".

[ant1sthenes]

I think the more salient point is that the House got a mandate to continue obstructing the fuck out of the president's agenda.

[VG Zaytsev]

And Bammy got a mandate to play 1,400 rounds of golf over the next four years.

[Killazontherun]

Ancient panda fossils! Oh, c'mon. You like pandas. No word on saberteeth, though.

Pandas are part of a Big Lie. Whenever I hear about pandas in the media or in academia, I feel like I'm being distracted from something important. Something very important, but given the effectiveness of this international shell game, I have not been able to deduce what that something might actually be, hence, it must be something really big. Obama mandate big.

[$park?]

Giorgio Tsoukalos knows what the secret is.

[Groovus Maximus]

HEY! That will be enough of that, mister! Giorgio is Teh Awesome! How such a delusional individual can totally believe the Von Daniken he speweth, complete with the wild hair and smart suits is truly entertainment.

[R C Dean]

Having taken in part of a show, I'm far from convinced he believes in anything other than the ease with which the gullible can be separated from their cash.

[Groovus Maximus]

That's the beauty of it! He's the Dr. Charlatan of the "Paranormal". He does it with such panache!

[Gojira]

Every time a panda gives birth or is transferred from China to a zoo somewhere else in the world, another ritual is completed to awaken the Great Old Ones.

[Almanian.]

I thought it was that an angel got its wings? No?

[Episiarch]

JJ is one of the cultists actively working to make CASE NIGHTMARE GREEN happen.

[Gojira]

Hey I'm out here every day busting my fucking ass to ensure a future of unmitigated and unimaginable pain and horror for you and everybody else that I hate, and you come at me with this shit, calling me a "cultist"?

Fucking hell man. I'm a light worker.

[Episiarch]

I don't think the Sleeper in the Pyramid is going to spare you either, JJ.

[Brett L]

"My God is coming back, and when he does, I'll be waiting for him with a shotgun."

[Gojira]

If I have to die, at least it will be knowing that you did, too. Painfully.

[Episiarch]

"If we pursue this plan, by late 2006 any two adjacent public CCTV terminals ? or private camcorders equipped with a digital video link ? will be reprogrammable by any authenticated MAGINOT BLUE STARS superuser to permit the operator to turn them into a SCORPION STARE basilisk weapon. We remain convinced that this is the best defensive posture to adopt in order to minimize casualties when the Great Old Ones return from beyond the stars to eat our brains."

[Gojira]

That's pretty good. What's it from?

[Episiarch]

Don't tell me you haven't read these, JJ.

[Apatheist ?_??]

Just read Glasshouse, good stuff indeed.

[Killazontherun]

Ever since I was a kid, panda news freaked me out. I guess the imposition always bothered me.

You're a kid, pandas!

Okay, pandas.

But, you are a kid, pandas!

So?

What the fuck is wrong with you kid, you're suppose to like pandas.

But I don't.

I think it was a test for reeducation assignments. Cause pandas are suppose to be sciency and shit in an official padlum pukem Al Gore way. Never got what is more sciency about pandas than squirrels.

Wait, they were or are an endangered species, right. Oh, that's why.

[Fist of Etiquette]

"Ling Ling is white on the right side. All of his people are white on the right side."

[Episiarch]

"You monotone Ursidae are all alike! First you condemn and then hibernate!"

[NeonCat]

Damn giant pandas? they're just raccoons who won't mate and won't eat anything but damn bamboo, despite big sharp teeth. Red pandas are so much cooler.

[Zeb]

I think they are bears now. And not that closely related to red pandas.

[OldMexican]

The National Federation of Independent Business frets that Obamacare will force businesses to scrutinize their employees' finances in order to comply with a mandate that any offered insurance be "affordable."

Would that include my secret Cayman Island accounts, buried gold bars and stash of cigarrette packages for barter?

[Doktor Kapitalism]

http://www.washingtonpost.com/.....s_carousel

So, what libertarians (read: the sane ones) have been saying since March?

[Jab Tak hai Jaan]

"Israel moves more troops and armor toward Gaza after rockets hit a Tel Aviv suburb."

And as libertarians you all support Israel's right to self defense, right?

[Almanian.]

Excuse me - I think you dropped this?

*hands bait to Jab Derp Hurr Durr*

[Killazontherun]

When did the Hamas shelling begin? Was it after the elections like all the other shit going down, or did our intrepid media just didn't start reporting on the shelling until then? If the former, who didn't the Obama Administration make a deal with to keep on the hush hush until after the election?

[DJF]

What they do is up to them. As long as they do it without money taken from me and without the US government getting involved.

[Jab Tak hai Jaan]

"As long as they do it without money taken from me and without the US government getting involved."

I agree with this.

[Ken Shultz]

Generally speaking, libertarians support the right of the Middle East to leave us the fuck out of it.

Oh, and just for the record, libertarians don't have any more influence over U.S. policy towards Israel than the the random Palestinian.

We have the right to vote in U.S. elections, and we can't even stop the president from nationalizing GM with our tax money or inflicting us with an insurance mandate. What the fuck are libertarians supposed to do about U.S. policy towards Israel?

[Ken Shultz]

Do you really think our jackhole president checks with libertarians before he decides what to do about Israel?!

[Doktor Kapitalism]

Just what do you think he's been doing the last 12 years? George Obama has had The Jacket on the phone EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

[Red Rocks Rockin]

Forget "right to self-defense"--I want to see if this ends up looking like an Age Of Empires-style military rush.

[Generic Stranger]

Would that be the "build maximum number of fully upgraded military units and send them all at once in a crushing wave" strategy (AKA "America, FUCK YEAH!" strategy), or the "build up your economy so you can send a constant stream of military units until you bury your enemy under corpses (AKA the "Capitalist Russian Strategy")?

[Chris Mallory]

Just like I support the Palestinian's right to self defense against Israel's blockades, embargoes, sanctions and terror bombing.

[Lewisite]

"like I support the Palestinian's right to self-defense against Israel's blockades, embargoes, sanctions and terror bombing. re-integrate back to (Ottoman) Turkey, (Trans-)Jordan, and the Sinai, and then fade back into irrelevant obscurity."

[Heroic Mulatto]

Hold up, Mallz...I thought you hate all "3rd World savages". What's the the Pali-love?

[Julio Cesar Samper Uribe]

Mallory is a Stormfronter...

[Ken Shultz]

"The National Federation of Independent Business frets that Obamacare will force businesses to scrutinize their employees' finances in order to comply with a mandate that any offered insurance be "affordable."

Barack Obama is a shit-eating aardvark.

[Shit-Eating Aardvark]

Fuck you!

[Ken Shultz]

LOL

[OldMexican]

President Obama claims, of course, that he has a mandate to help the middle class.

That explains why he didn't before - he didn't have the mandate yet.

Or it is all bullshit, but I want to give him the benefit of the doubt.

[Doktor Kapitalism]

I've just about given up on giving President Obama the benefit of the doubt.

[Pro Libertate]

Give him the benefit of the flout instead. Or the knout.

[R C Dean]

Google knout. Seriously. That is one appalling device.

[Pro Libertate]

Peter the Great used it with great (what else?) zeal. Including on his own son.

[Bobarian]

A mandate to make the lower class become the middle class by taxing the upper class to the point that they become the lower class. THe middle class becomes the upper class and then gets also taxed down to the lower class and then we're all in the lower class...

except for the politicians, because some pigs are more equal than others.

[Sudden]

Clearly, the most important news today was not mentioned in the PM Links:

New GTA V Trailer Released

[Coeus]

Didn't this simpering idiot use herself as proof that women are funny? Not helping, lassie. Not helping at all.

7 Easy Ways to Keep Your Man's Dick in His Pants

1. Seriously, just try the rag thing again. Tell him it's some sort of ab-defining tincture and you read about it in Details. Tell him you heard that Joseph Gordon-Levitt rag-breathes, like, every day, bro.

2. Borg suit. Question. Do you have access to and/or are you the queen of any sort of intergalactic cybernetic hive-mind? Once he's plugged in, it's easy as pie to drip some romance-juice into his cortical node. Resistance is futile.

3. Create a smaller pair of pants just for his dick. Then create a larger pair of pants that engulfs your entire house. Then chain him to the radiator. Loophole! Even if he takes off his pants, he's never getting out of THESE pants! And he won't want to, since you secretly dosed his water dish with rag-drippings. You minx!

4. Cook a chicken.* Men love chicken. Afterwards, wipe his face off sexually with a "napkin." (RAG.)

There's more. And it gets worse.

[Episiarch]

I don't get it. Thank god.

[Coeus]

Misogynist.

[nicole just can't even!]

Yeah, it's confusing--the "rag" is supposed to be covered in oxytocin. Not a euphemism for bloody nonsense. And you're trying to keep his dick in his OR your pants, just not other ladies' pants.

Also, it's incredibly fucking stupid.

[Brett L]

Oh. I thought it was a riff on, "does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

[Episiarch]

That's a pretty good mansplation, nicole, so I'm guessing you're not menstruating right now.

[nicole just can't even!]

I am so above that shit.

[Auric Demonocles]

You're pregnant? Congratulations!

[nicole just can't even!]

Nah, yo, better living through chemistry. Much better living.

[Coeus]

Nah, yo, better living through chemistry. Much better living.

My cousin uses BC that keeps her from having periods also. Hasn't had one in like 20 years. A possibly related side effect is that she looks 15 years younger than she is. In her 40's and hasn't hit the wall yet.

[Pro Libertate]

Mensturbation? That's fucking gross, dude. What the hell is wrong with you?

[Episiarch]

Pretty much everything. Thank god I'm beautiful, or I'd be in real trouble.

[Pro Libertate]

Like in that TOS episode where they had to keep you in a box? And you were having mindsex with Dr. Pulaski?

[Episiarch]

That was you, ProL. Don't you remember? I was in the one with Sherry Jackson, and I'm sure you know what I'm implying.

[Pro Libertate]

You were that redshirt who "fell" down that conveniently located bottomless pit? Dude, that is so cool. Wish I could get murdered by Ted Cassidy!

[NeonCat]

She wasn't Dr Pulaski then, her character was almost bearable.

[Pro Libertate]

She's played three roles--Pulaski, the blind telepath, and the chick who gets taken over by Sargon's bitch and makes out with Kirk.

[Bobarian]

I liked it better when I thought the rag bit was about bloody feminine products.

And by better, I mean only horribly grossed out.

[Warty]

Are those...intended to be funny? If so, I...I'm...I don't know what to say.

[JW]

I tried to force a laugh, but I just felt dirty afterwards.

[Warty]

Would someone please mansplain these jokes to me?

[Brett L]

I think that Hugo guy who dates lesbians and hates himself is the only one capable of interpreting.

[Pro Libertate]

No, no, your premises are wrong. I mean your premises, you know, your home.

[OldMexican]

Re: Coeus,

Why do you keep inflicting yourself to such self-abuse as reading jezebel.com? Why not try self-flagelation or walking on hot coals or trial by ordeal or sticking bamboo splinters under your nails?

[Coeus]

Subliminated masochistic tendencies.

[Randian]

What is this I don't even

[NeonCat]

So, she wants a man in her life but she doesn't want to have sex with him?

Maybe she should get a pet instead. Or a eunuch.

[Red Rocks Rockin]

Well, someone/i has to work so she doesn't have to!

[nicole just can't even!]

No, we covered that last night. This one just doesn't want him having sex with anyone else. Which is reasonable...sort of.

[sloopyinca]

I've been away for a while....something to do with a 103+ temp for two straight days.

Since I was gone for so long, I thought you'd all like to start by reading this little gem of a story out of Chicago.

[Doktor Kapitalism]

Hi Sloopy!

[Gojira]

...103+ temp for two straight days.

Holy shit, it's that hot in Cali in fucking November?

Global Warming!

[A Serious Man]

Southern California has been locked in this cylce of warm weather, cold weather, warm weather, cold weather for almost a month now.

[Sudden]

Unlike Texas, California is a varied and wondrous place with all range of a climates, microclimates, and regions. While sloop may be boiling in the Central Valley, those of us in L.A. area have been comfortable in the low 70's.

Learn more about the varied nature of California in Spring 2013 with the release of GTA V.

[Gojira]

California is a varied and wondrous place with all range of a climates, microclimates, and regions.

Why the fuck would anybody want that? I have one wardrobe that works year round, when coupled with one light jacket, and one heavy coat.

[sloopyinca]

Learn more about the varied nature of California in Spring 2013 with the release of GTA V.

OT, but it got me thinking...wouldn't the central valley part just be a ripoff of one of the greatest chase films of all time?

[sloopyinca]

Holy shit, it's that hot in Cali in fucking November?

Just inside my brainbag. Oh, the shit I saw over the last few days. I swear, I think I had an argument with our unborn child while I was laying in bed trying to sleep. And she won!

[Sudden]

Please tell me the argument was about abortion.

[sloopyinca]

NO, it was more along the lines of chunky vs creamy vs hazelnut spreads. I also opened a window and yelled at a pig (little dunphy) for no reason whatsoever. He's so hurt he won't even approach me now.

[Sudden]

He's hurt that you named him little dunphy. You will never live that down.

[sloopyinca]

You may be right. Lindy West won't even give me the time of day and runs off squealing whenever I approach her...unless I'm carrying a trough of food.

[Heroic Mulatto]

That sounds about right.

When the time comes, you better post pics of some delicious fat Lindy West bacon and such.

[Doktor Kapitalism]

"I swear, I think I had an argument with our unborn child while I was laying in bed trying to sleep. And she won!"

That just made my afternoon.

[Episiarch]

Are you sure you weren't just watching Eraserhead, Ken? Because it's pretty much the same thing.

[Sudden]

On a side note, why is every libertarian in California named Ken? Does it have something to do with Malibu Barbie?

[Episiarch]

Yes. Any other questions, smart guy?

[Ken Shultz]

I'm glad you're feeling better. ...in a way.

[Shit-Eating Aardvark]

"City attorneys argued that Abbate's actions were simply the result of his drunkenness. He was too intoxicated to think a code of silence would protect him, they said."

So there IS a code of silence?

And if I get drunk and plow into a crowd of preschoolers, Can I defend myself with "my actions were simply the result of my drunkenness"?

[sloopyinca]

OT (and with apologies to Ken Schultz), but your name sounds like a euphemism for anal sex with an uncircumcised penis.

[Ken Shultz]

This is what I see when Barack Obama is talking.

http://profile.ultimate-guitar.....mage_0.jpg

[Sudden]

Racist!

[Killazontherun]

Satan mated with a beluga?

[Ken Shultz]

It's an aardvark!

A shit-eating aardvark.

[Tim]

I SEE YOU'VE QUIETLY CORRECTED UNNAMEED, YOU UNLETTERED TWIT!

[jdtuccille]

You caught me ...

[Ted S.]

If Tucksilly wrote "unnameed", it sounds as though he was overlettered, not unlettered.

[sloopyinca]

What kind of person works on a child pornography task force? Apparently, in Florida, one that's into really hardcore child pornography.

I guess that's the kind of asshole officer they hire in Oregon as well.

[NeonCat]

"I know it when I see it."

Worked for Potter Stewart.

[Coeus]

Police one commenters unite behind asshole cop who killed a retarded homeless man because someone was fooling around with an ATM in the area.

It was also a cover-up.

[sloopyinca]

I hope you carried the banner double-time while I was suffering from high-fever delerium, Coeus. I saw that just a bit ago.

Remember, all. This is the state dunphy touts as the standard-bearer for freedom and equality.

[Coeus]

I hope you carried the banner double-time while I was suffering from high-fever delerium, Coeus.

Not really. I was out for a few weeks for the same reason. Just got back myself.

[A Serious Man]

In the UK, Twitter and Facebook rants can result in prosecution and jail time.

[Ken Shultz]

They'll only be happy when everybody over there is either in jail, on the dole, or a sniveling little twit.

[sloopyinca]

Um, haven't they already accomplished one of those three?

[Mike M.]

That's what happens when you're a "subject" and not a free citizen, and you don't even have the pretense of freedom of speech.

Exactly the situation that the left wants to duplicate here in America.

[sloopyinca]

In local news (for me): Sheriff seeks assault charges for officers that apparently followed a woman home and raped her.

The officers names are not being released for some odd reason, seeing as the names and photographs of alleged rapists are frequently shown in California newspapers when one is accused of rape. Meh. I'm sure it was just an oversight.

[A Serious Man]

Scientists rule out mercury poisoning in death of Danish astronomer Tyco Brahe 400 years ago.

I kind of like the most accepted explanation: he was at a royal banquet, ate too much, didn't go to the privy soon enough, and his bladder ruptured and became infected.

[Pro Libertate]

Kepler killed him for his data.

[Generic Stranger]

How does that happen? Wouldn't you piss yourself first?

[Coeus]

Feminist bitches about a male bystander not stopping domestic violence.

"They do this all the time," said the deli guy, shrugging. "They fight, they fight in this store ?"

Then I lost it. I'm usually a quiet, level-headed and calm person even in stressful situations; I don't yell or shout when I'm angry at all, really. But I just lost it.

How dare he get tired of continually trying to save her from herself. Doesn't he know, that by virtue of having a penis, he required to keep trying to save her from herself until one or both of them get pissed off at him enough to assault him?

[Episiarch]

So wait, only a man can save that woman?

[JW]

She's such a brave lass, harassing those men so.

[Auric Demonocles]

Yes, because woman can't be expected to speak, and obviously it's OK for them to not have phones, but if a man doesn't have a phone it's a plot to allow domestic violence (though when it's in the street isn't that just normal violence?).

[R C Dean]

So wait, only a man can save that woman?

Seems to be what our President was saying, while defending his fragile flower of a UN Ambassador.

[Coeus]

Didn't you know? Women can do anything they want. You can't judge a woman for not helping. But if a man doesn't follow the pre-approved list of behaviors, he's a horrible person who should die in a fire.

[Anonymous Coward]

And I kept crying, in Starbucks and on the subway. I suddenly realized how scared as shit I had felt when I watched him roughing her up and chasing her. And I felt angry, so angry, that all of these neighbors ? who were all men, I would like to note ? just stood there and did nothing but stand there and watch.

But Hollywood has told me that a woman just picks up a bow and arrow and kills evil male aggressors.

[Red Rocks Rockin]

Then I lost it. I'm usually a quiet, level-headed and calm person even in stressful situations; I don't yell or shout when I'm angry at all, really. But I just lost it.

shitthatneverhappened.txt

[Dunphy (the real one)]

christ, there are some (mostly women) who will go back over and over again. no, they don't deserve to get assaulted, but when you have been assaulted dozens of times and you STAY with the guy, at some point, some responsibility rests with you to get out of the relationship wherein the guy is pummeling you.

[sticks]

JIDF badgers Jews and perceived Jews on twitter for not supporting Israel.
https://mobile.twitter.com/JIDF

[Heroic Mulatto]

And we should care about the New Jewish Panther Party because.....?

Seriously, you realize the JIDF is probably like one guy living in his mom's basement. He's also probably considers himself to be a pretty good piano player.

[sticks]

Never heard of them till today. They sound like assholes.

[Red Rocks Rockin]

And we should care about the New Jewish Panther Party because.....?

They're more zealous than the Panther Party of New Judea?

[sloopyinca]

Wait, don't you mean the Progressive Panther Party of New Judea?

[Red Rocks Rockin]

No, that's the Popular Judean Panther Party.

[Generic Stranger]

SPLITTERS!

[Karl Hungus]

When your 9-year-old victim's testimony leaves the jury in tears, you know it's time to start practicing your Kegels.

http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc.....-container

[Mike M.]

Europe is, once again, in recession with its collective economy shrinking month after month. Bright skies ahead, for us.

Or in other words, we're still mired in the global depression that started four years ago.

Sounds like the perfect time to raise taxes, just like Keynes said! Oh wait, he said just the opposite, didn't he? Too bad there's no such thing as a real Keynesian out there these days.

[Stormy Dragon]

Georgia GOP takes prize for "Most Insane Explanation of Why Republicans Lost the Election":

Georgia GOP Lawmakers Host Briefing On Secret Obama Mind-Control Plot

[Coeus]

Exhibit # 5,443,621 in the "it's almost impossible to fire abusive cops" argument.

Remember the guy who flipped out on that CHL holder a while back? Threatened to "blast him in the mouth" and "cave in his head"? And several other videos surfaced of him doing the same to others? He's bahaack.

[Coeus]

Australia gets one right.

Court rules it's OK to tell police officers to "Fuck off".

[Eduard van Haalen]

Why should they punish someone for saying the Australian equivalent of "hello" or "goodbye?"