Obama Speaks on Petraeus Scandal, Israel Bombards Gaza, Social Security Still Untouchable: P.M. Links


  • "Any other campaign talking points you'd like to hear repeated?"

    President Barack Obama held a press conference today, the issues running the gamut from bread to circuses. He said he's seen no evidence so far that there was any actual national security risk in the David Petraeus sex scandal. He also defended U.N. Ambassador's Susan Rice's handling of Benghazi from GOP attacks.

  • Israel launched an air strike on Gaza, killing a Hamas military chief. This was followed by naval bombardment into the area in response to rockets fired from Gaza. The Israel Defense Forces' Twitter feed warned that no Hamas members should show their faces anytime soon.
  • Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid says Social Security is not on the table when it comes to dealing with the fiscal cliff. So I guess we won't be dealing with the fiscal cliff?
  • The middle class is growing in the Caribbean and Latin American countries, up by 50 percent over the past decade.
  • Thanks to gun-control laws in Mexico, its citizens find it very hard to protect themselves from lawless and heavily armed drug cartels. Many gun owners have to defy the law themselves.
  • Independent Maine Senator Angus King announced he will caucus with the Democrats. But he'll consider the Republicans if they retake Senate control. That doesn't sound particularly independent.

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  1. He also defended U.N. Ambassador’s Susan Rice’s handling of Benghazi from GOP attacks.

    A real man waits until after he’s re-elected to come to the defense of a lady.

    1. It’s that flexibility thang.

    2. Condi set the bar low for a lady sycophant SoS with her “who could have seen 9/11 coming?” lameness as National Security Advisor.

      1. She previously the Soviet expert who failed to predict the collapse of the Soviet Union. With a track record like that she was bound to move up in government.

      2. Repeat after shrike:



        /foaming at mouth

          1. I think Randian has it right. Shriek would never take Obama’s prick out of his mouth long enough for all those O’s and S’s.

            1. Lesson – NEVER EVER disparage Bush on Hit and Run!

              1. Says the guy whose tongue never leaves Obama’s ass.

              2. Typically, you learned the wrong lesson.

                You can disparage all of the Republicans you like on this site, and more times than not you will find agreement. If you are attempting to cover for Obama, by blaming someone other than fucking Obama, of course you will be called out as the sycophant you are.

                1. Marshall Gill schools the Buttplug.

              3. You’re a buttplug!

                1. In fact, I suggest that from this point forward, we refer to him as Obama’s Buttplug. It is fitting.

                  1. Obama’s Rim Job Boy is more like it.

                    1. You down wit OBP?

                      Who’s down wit OBP?

                    2. I’m down with OBP, though I still like “shriek”.

    3. What about Obama’s defending of the Benghazi Consulate from terrorist attacks? Or is that old news already now that we have that evil internet movie maker in jail?

      1. He’s going to get around to that next.


          (with apologies to CSN&Y).

          You nutters will never gin up a controversy out of it.

          1. Tin soldiers and Barry’s comin’

            1. It writes itself. I have a great parody lined out but I don’t want to give Fat Rush’s blumpkin-heads any ideas.

          2. Jihadis and no one’s comin’
            They were always on their own
            Bumps inna road’ll get you bummin’
            Four corpses all flyblown

            1. That is pretty good so far.

          3. The fact that leftist glory-holes like you don’t think it’s any big deal that a US ambassador was executed says quite a lot about left-wing power-worshipping.

            If Bush had been in charge, you’d be calling for his impeachment over it.

          4. Don’t be too proud of that.

            The reason there will never be a controversy is because there will never be ANY controversy involving a sitting President of one of the two main parties ever again.

            (If an Independent ever won, it would be different.)

            Not a real controversy, anyway, of the old school – where the President or senior members of the executive branch were in actual jeopardy of some kind.

            Regardless of the event in question or the scale of the incompetence or lawlessness on display.

            It will never happen again, because neither party in Congress will allow it to happen to their guy.

            That’s why Bush and Obama controversies never caught on with the press. The press knows nothing will happen and nothing CAN happen. We haven’t had an institutional change, but the parties no longer have significant Congress blocs willing to take their own President to task, no matter what the President does. So…nobody can “gin up” controversies any more, because everyone knows it’s all a fucking joke.

            1. No, I disagree fully.

              A controversy must have willful malfeasance and not just incompetence. Bush purposely pushed us into the Iraq War based on his lies to the Senate and in the SOTU address concerning false WMD. Also, the harm was tremendous – 4500 US dead and over $1 trillion.

              Benghazi was merely a lapse in defense for a small embassy. There was no plan to deceive the US Congress or people. There was merely a fog of conflict where motives were in doubt.

              Do not associate the two.


                1. Oh STFU. You are too stupid to debate me.

                  I am trying to draw fluffy into a false equivalence fallacy – which he probably won’t fall into.

                  1. Palin’s Buttplug| 11.14.12 @ 5:58PM |#
                    “Oh STFU. You are too stupid to debate me.”

                    Nope. A piece of mud is brighter than you, and more than capable of pointing out your ‘mistakes’.

              2. Wrong on all counts. A controversy can be about incompetence. Bush’s “lies” about Iraq look like sincere beliefs that were based on incorrect intelligence, and may not have been totally wrong: Syria seems to have chemical and biological weapons, and some people think they got them from Saddam.

                Of course the Congress and people were lied to about Benghazi. For weeks they claimed it was just a movie review that got out of hand, even though they knew while it was happening that it was a planned attack. There are indications that it was a CIA operation, involving either running weapons to Syrian jihadis or a CIA prison (supposedly ended by executive order) or both.

                1. Just to follow this up because OBP never gets tired of whining about Iraq, another friend of mine was asking if I knew of any liberal source that showed that Bush DID NOT lie about the Iraq war.

                  Does the editor of The New Republic count?

                  I would say yes.


                  Who’s down wit OBP?

                  Every last homey!

                2. No. The CIA told Bush that Niger yellowcake was a lie and also Cheney went to Langley repeatedly to drum up false charges that included all the nonsense Colin Powell told the UN in his famous speech.

                  Also the aluminum tube story and the unmanned nuclear assault vehicles Saddam had built – all lies no one else ever believed.

                  1. “CIA told Bush that Niger yellowcake was a lie”


                    Cheney went to Langley repeatedly to drum up false charges that included all the nonsense Colin Powell told the UN in his famous speech.

                    Give me examples. Cheney was VP, Powell was running the military. They said a lot of things to each other. There’s a giant difference between a lie and “we don’t know”.

                    Also the aluminum tube story and the unmanned nuclear assault vehicles Saddam had built – all lies no one else ever believed.

                    Aluminum tubes? Unmanned nuclear assault vehicles? WTF are you talking about?

                    Look OBP, here’s the AUMF for Iraq.


                    2 of the 12 things on the list have anything to do with WMD’s. Even if we got those two wrong, which I don’t think we did completely, the other 10 hold up pretty damn well. And the Senate(77-23) and the House(297-133) both authorized the War. So to say Bush “lied” to get us in to the war is to ignore the authority that the rest of the government had.

                    In comparison, your Plugee over here already bypassed Congress twice to use armed forces in Pakistan and Libya. We already know he lied about what happened at the Embassy. There was no protest.

                    There is a difference.

              3. Obama had the CIA holding prisoners, in contradiction to his own Executive order. They were using the State Department and the consulate as a cover – in contradiction to international law.

                It also appears they were buying Libyan weapons (okay) and shipping them to Syrian rebels (not okay).

                Two General officers were relieved of command for trying to aid the embassy under attack (not okay).

                It wasn’t merely incompetence (although there was a lot of it).

              4. I don’t want to get personal but how old are you? mid to late twenty?

                You do know every single intelligence agency in the world including the U.N. believed Sudam had WMD? Why wouldn’t they since he said he did? It was all bluster of course. The war was most certainly ill advised but there was no malice of fore thought. You are factually left wanting.

                And you speak like a child.

  2. Thanks to gun-control laws in Mexico, its citizens find it very hard to protect themselves from lawless and heavily armed drug cartels.

    The United States ATF can maybe hook them up.

    1. Double first, color me impressed.

      1. Starting at 4:00 he just sits with H&R open pressing F5 until his finger bleeds. Everyone else is still commenting in other posts.

        1. He spends his afternoons listening to the famous welfare queen track First of Da Month and sings it to himself as “It’s da first of da thread”


            This class warfare is getting out of hand. Stop coveting my mastery of time!

            1. Yeah, at least he’s not going Suki on us. S/he/it would insert hisherits comment into the first spot like four hours before the article technically posted.

              1. Where is Suki these days?

      2. I was surprised by that myself, considering I took time looking over the links trying to come up with something less lame than usual.

        1. Well it didn’t work.

            1. So say we all.

              1. Starbuck’s an angel?!?

                1. I’d like my angel’s to be more of the Victoria’s Secret variety than the Katee Sackhoff variety.

                  1. So say we all.

                  2. I prefer Katee Sackhoff, myself.

            2. Well, it couldn’t be any more lame.

              So…good job?

              1. Screw you guys, I’m going home.

                1. See you in 20 to 45 minutes, then?

  3. Reports say that Darth Vader will be resurrected for new Star Wars movie.

    This deal just keeps getting better. Also some speculation that Hamil, Fisher, and Ford will be approached to reprise their roles.

    1. Darth Vader? That Darth Vader?

    2. That’s B.S. some British rag is spreading. Highly unlikely, seeing how he was killed and all. And incinerated/Force-ghosted.

      1. Oh come on, I’m sure they can fanwank some convoluted scenario involving cloning. He was, after all, more machine than man, shouldn’t be that hard to replicate.

        1. South Park already did it. With help from the Scientologists and the Super Adventure Club.

      2. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away they had HOLOGRAMS.

        1. Maybe it’s like a franchise, you put on the cape and the helmet and you da man.

          1. Hi, folks, I’ll be your Vader for the evening.

          2. Hi, folks, I’ll be your Vader for the evening.

            1. This is not my fault. What the heck has been up with the servers lately?

              1. They just need us to “ask” the wealthy to pay a little more.

              2. Something to do with cows.

              3. I find your lack of integrity disturbing.

              4. Do not mock the squirrels.

              5. The squirrels have altered the servers, pray they don’t alter them further.

              6. Tip your servers and they’ll treat you right.

              7. These are not the squirrels you’re looking for.

          3. like the Dread Pirate Roberts, who also dressed in black.

          4. The dread pirate roberts of Sci-Fi?

            Btw, speaking of Princess Bride, did anyone else realize that Saul from Homeland on Showtime is Inigo Montoya?

            1. Uh, of course, that’s Mandy Patinkin.

              1. He also did a fine job in Dead Like Me.

              2. Holy shit it is.

                Until this moment I had no idea that Inigo Montoya was Mandy Patinkin.

                When I think Mandy I think Alien Nation or Law & Order Guy Who Terrorizes His Own Family defendant.

                1. Frankly, I wouldn’t offend him. He’s rather obsessive about avenging slights to his honor.

              3. Not all of us are so obsessed with men who are named like women. You need help Epi.

                1. Did you just call Epi a Marilyn Manson fan? Because that’s a low blow, even if it is aimed at Epi.

                  1. Antichrist Superstar is a pretty good album!

                    1. I always pegged you as a cake and sodomy fan.

                    2. “Cryptorchid” really spoke to him.

      3. Maybe the Brits don’t understand the difference between a ghost and resurrection? So they think him being back as an emo Force ghost means he’ll be back in a new body.

        I think Jayne should scare the Force ghost Anakin into Force suicide.

      4. Hey, Spock was dead too, but that didn’t stop him from making 5 more movies.

    3. Once you show everyone that Darth Vader is actually this guy, there’s no going back.

      1. No, Disney says that’s non-canon.

        1. You’ll never take back the schadenfreude of triple amputation!

        2. Good for Mickey.

          1. I made that up, but Disney could ratify my statement at any moment.

      2. Is it too soon to remake episodes I-III?

        1. No. That’s going to be Disney’s next project. Strangely, there will be no respect given whatsoever to the story, characters, or even titles of those films.

          1. Whatever. As long as they bring back Padme.

        2. How can you remake what doesn’t exist? It could be like an actual original idea from Hollywood for once.

    4. Well now you’ve just gone and ruined it.

  4. Thanks to gun-control laws in Mexico, its citizens find it very hard to protect themselves from lawless and heavily armed drug cartels. Many gun owners have to defy the law themselves.

    It was my understanding that defying gun laws in Mexico is absolutely par for the course and almost expected.

    1. Most laws in Mexico aren’t “laws,” they’re “recommendations” or “guides”.

      1. I make it a rule to never get involved with possessed people. Well, it’s more of a guideline, actually.

        1. There is no Dana, only Zool

      2. Oh, so they’re like the Pirates’ Code?

  5. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid says Social Security is not on the table when it comes to dealing with the fiscal cliff.

    In fact, let’s cut payroll taxes again and continue defunding it!

    1. And of course the Reps are the ones who refuse to compromise. I’ve heard a single demand from the Dems, a lot of red lines, and absolutely no offers of compromise areas.

      1. Obumbles said he wants $1.6 trillion in tax increases, which means $160 billion a year, IF it’s all collected and not wiped out by other spending increases. Big fucking deal.

  6. Am I the only one here who didn’t realize that diabetes is contagious?

    Wednesday is World Diabetes Day, so it’s important to educate yourself on one of the fastest-growing health epidemics across the globe.

    1. And if you wanna learn more, this guy can help you


    1. I totally understand his self-hatred. I’d hate him, too, if I had to pay attention to him.

    2. That is one self-hating douchebag, and an utterly disgusting collectivist.

      1. Stop whining about your loss of privilege, you white man you!

        1. You forgot to say that it’s unhelpful whining.

          Anglican feminist theologian Janet Morley suggests that when the privileged use power to dominate, they force the less privileged to use their “weakness to manipulate.”

          Stop manipulating me!

          WTF is an Anglican feminist theologian?!? Is it some kind of dog breed? BEST IN SHOW

          1. I think it’s a state of mind that can only be achieved through the use of hallucinogens combined with estrogen hormone therapy.

            1. Estrogen is a hallucinogen,

              the worst kind of hallucinogen.

          2. I love that one. “Yes, we’ve been lying and stealing from you. But it’s your own damn fault for being white.”

          3. She could talk or not talk for hours and still find things to not talk about.

            If only she would…not talk.

        2. Italians, and by extension those decended from their lines, aren’t white! I’m sick of this post-1920s acceptance of Irish and Italians as white men.

          One drop rule!

          1. Well, my dad has told me for years that I may as well be half North African…but I try not to let his privilege bring me down.

            1. You’re Sicilian?!? Oh my god, I didn’t know, I can’t believe I’ve been associating with a Siciliano. I feel so dirty. How are you allowed in here?

              1. I’m too lazy to type out the entire Dennis Hopper/Christopher Walken scene from True Romance, but since it applies here, please just go through it line by line in your head.

                1. dammit, beat me to it.

                2. Oh, I already did JJ. I already did.

              2. Not even. He’s just that much more racist than you are.

                1. Italian? Spanish? Portuguese?

                  1. Italian, multiple mainland locations.

                    1. Cool, I’m a quarter myself (my grandfather’s parents were from Lecce, in the southeast). Got my looks from that branch of the family (the rest of my family tree is all blond/red haired, blue eyed, and really fair skinned, and I have brown hair, brown eyes, and somewhat tan skin)

              3. Be careful Epi. Nicole hasn’t killed anyone since 1984.

              1. It’s “moulinyan”, Coeus.

                1. just “mouli”

          2. this post-1920s acceptance of Irish and Italians as white men

            If someone calling me a monkey isn’t racist, then blacks only have like 20 years before they have to quit bitching about it as well. Large-eared black men, take note.

            1. Fair enough.

    3. TLDR:

      Whining about “reverse racism” or about being “blamed” for the exclusionary practices of those who shared (and share) our color, our class, and our sex doesn’t change the reality that [white men are] the ones who’ve enjoyed unearned advantages for eons.

      1. My superior white male genetics EARNED those privileges, bitches. EARNED them.

      2. Earned? We took that shit through brute force, and if you don’t think that’s work you’ve got a lot to learn about exploiting the masses, missy.

      3. There was a photo essayist for The News Hour named Robert Rodriguez, not the director. About twenty years ago, he had did one contrasting black clergy men giving speeches about white devils and white privilege. The scenes would flip from the manicured hands of the clergy men to those of white coal miners in Kentucky, some missing digits, from the expensive suits of the clergymen to the homemade clothes of white people in the Ozarks. Very powerfully done.

      4. White men may have enjoyed unearned advantages for eon.

        But I’m alive *now*. What my white, male ancestors may have done has nothing to do with me.

    4. He is really the worst. He is so desperate for the acceptance and approval of the Jezebel crowd and debases himself in the oddest and most awkward ways to get it. And then they still bitch about him in the comments every damn time. He must get off on the humiliation of sucking so utterly.

      1. His projection is extreme even for a TEAM BLUEtard. What a little whiny prick.

        1. Does it get him laid?

          Because, really, that’s all that matters.

          1. He’s obviously a “bottom”.

          2. Does it get him laid?

            Yes. The feminist teacher schtick allowed him to bed numerous nubile fresh-faced college freshman women. Ironically, he has since professed to being only attracted to butch lesbians, and frequently having erectile dysfunction with the hot coeds as a result.

            1. -note-

              The proceeding comment was not a joke. He has articles online about this.

            2. So he’s into men with vaginas?

              1. No, it’s more like he’s a power submissive. He’s only attracted to women who won’t have sex with him because he can’t have penetrative sex most of the time anyway. And this is a kink, because he longs to be gay, but knows that a gay guy would probably expect to have sex.

                He wants people who don’t want him because he can’t have them. He needs oceans of therapy.

                1. SF, sometimes it’s really scary how much you get this stuff.

                  1. Is there some delightfully long German word for “skill you wish you didn’t have”?

                    1. Just figure out what “skill you wish you didn’t have” is in German, then delete the spaces.

                    2. From Google Translate:

                      “Skills Unwanted” – “F?higkeitenunerw?nschte”.


    5. Check your privilege they like to say. The truly privileged are those like this guy who lives in a fantasy world where no gratitude is necessary for a civilization of accomplishments that got him to the comfortable position in life he enjoys along with the rest of us. Yet, he would like to blame men from hundreds of years ago who enjoyed no air conditioning, no central heating, threadbare comforts at best, and though devils they may have been, unlike them, they toiled, and they were soiled by a world he has the fortune not to have to live in.

      1. unlike them that asshole

      2. Schumpeter was right!

      3. White Privilege = Good Parenting

    6. I skimmed thinking the real lulz would be in the comments, then I discovered Jez’s abomination of a comments section. Discussions? And click through to subdiscussions?

      Dear god, simple threaded comments never looked so good.

      1. It’s probably for the pageviews. Reason, don’t you dare get any ideas!

  7. The Israel Defense Forces’ Twitter feed warned that no Hamas members should show their faces anytime soon.

    Someone needs to show Israel the anti online bullying campaign.

    1. Younger leadership might be better provide a facelift for House Democrats?

      1. Younger leadership might provide a fresher face and lift the sagging approval ratings of the Democrats in the House.

    2. A group of female lawmakers standing behind the Democratic leader immediately began to boo and heckle Russert. One woman shouted “discrimination” at him several times.

      A Camacho presidency is only a decade away.

      1. It’s all about the Sisterhood, mkay?

      2. “I got a solution, you’re dick! South Carolina, what’s up?”

      3. A Camacho presidency is only a decade away.

        Did you watch the President’s press conference? We’re already there.

        1. Obama’s got when Benghazi need. Obama’s got predator drones!111!11!!!

    3. “I want women to be here in greater numbers at an earlier age so that their seniority would start to count much sooner,” she said.

      Great, more career parasites politicians. Just what we need.

      1. You accidentally crossed out the wrong word.

  8. Independent Maine Senator Angus King announced he will caucus with the Democrats. But he’ll consider the Republicans if they retake Senate control. That doesn’t sound particularly independent.

    Anus King? Didn’t he used to post here?

    1. Perhaps you’re thinking of Sofa King?

      1. Sofa King, what?

        1. Sofa King silent.

        2. Sofa King Wee Todd Did.

    2. Anus King post here under a whole (hole?) lot of different names.

      Whose turn is to be the Anus King?

    3. What could be more independent than switching sides to kiss up to whichever side is in power at the moment?

    4. So he’s a naked power monger?

  9. Who exactly does Angus King think he’s fooling?

      1. You’re probably right about that.

    1. Isn’t Angus King a BK burger?

      1. Not sure. Let’s find out.

        Not in so many words.


  10. Too bad Helen Thomas isn’t around anymore. That was one sorry-ass press conference. It’ll be interesting to see what, if anything, comes of the forthcoming congressional testimonies/investigations.

    1. Peoples under the Obamatron Bus, and the Obamatron bus rolls onward…

      Any more questions?

    2. Too bad Helen Thomas isn’t around anymore.

      I swear to Science, I never thought I would read or hear these words.

  11. Dog poo!

    California’s latest experiment in faith-based policymaking is being unleashed today on the San Diego public, as regional water-quality officials begin hearings on new regulations that seem crafted to turn most owners of a car, house or dog into criminals within a decade or so. We wish we were exaggerating.

    Under the draft rules, ordinary homeowners may face six years in prison and fines of $100,000 a day if they are deemed serial offenders of such new crimes as allowing sprinklers to hit the pavement, washing a car in the driveway, or, conceivably, failing to pick up dog poop promptly from their own backyards, let alone the sidewalk.

    1. The new regulations even apply to firefighters, who would be forced to somehow capture and scrub the water running down the street from fire hoses and burning buildings

      Top. Men.

      1. When I was in the Navy we had a Coast Guard man come on board when we were washing the salt off the ship using fresh water hoses and told us to stop since we were polluting the harbor. We told him to go away since the first rain fall would do the same thing and we preferred to get the salt off before the ship rusted.

        1. *** rising intonation ***

          What about the chlorine?

        2. Err….he accused you of polluting the ocean with salt water? WTF?

    2. California is going to be downright depopulated in a few years if that goes through. Can we push them out of the Union now?

      1. Can the rest of us sign a petition to have CA secede?

        1. While the Constitution is silent on forcibly ejecting states, an amendment could be proposed and ratified, so declaring.

          1. We need a Constitutional amendment detailing the procedures for states leaving and rejoining the Union. Add it to the list.

            1. I’m on record saying that the leaving part doesn’t need any amendment, but sure, no point in not clarifying. Also, let’s fix the Tax, Commerce, and any other clauses that need fixing, while also repealing several amendments.

              1. I’d say leaving should just say something to the effect of: vote by state legislature, 70% of registered voters say “aye,” and 6 months notice.

                There should be something about terms for negotiating whether the US gov keeps property in said area, especially military bases.

                I put an article-level War Powers Act on my list, too.

              2. You and which three-fourths of the state legislatures?

                1. Me and my Christmas list, is who!

        2. Well, we can, but it has to cross a 25,000 signature threshold before it will get “address.”

          1. The president really has no role in Constitutional amendments. We can eject California without him having a say.

            Just need Congress or a Constitutional Convention.

          2. 25,000? I could get that in an afternoon.

    3. 6 years in prison for allowing a water sprinkler to hit the pavement?

      I know this tree that needs watering.

      1. Need any help?

      2. Eliminationist rhetoric, right there.

  12. PETA and government shenanigans rain on another parade.

    People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals had sued the N.C. Wildlife Resources Commission, which issues the permit for the event, saying it’s illegal and cruel. The commission has 30 days to appeal Morrison’s decision to Superior Court. A spokesman said the agency will decide whether to appeal after reviewing the 18-page ruling.

    1. Instead of a fake opossum, why not put hire a skinny naked dude wearing a “I’d rather be naked than wear fur” ribbon in a box and lower him for New Year’s?

      I’d bet the crowd would hoot and holler.

    2. Considering all the dead possums on the roadside, one could argue they are practicing possum conservation….

  13. Is there nothing that Climate Change can’t do?

    “”””Rise in diabetes and NCDs linked to climate change”””


    1. Fat mammals emit gassy toxins while incurring diabetes. Film at 11.

      1. Can I please get in at least one comment about cows?

        1. They are the women who got Obama re-elected.

      2. But enough about your plans for the evening, Plugs.

        1. Wait a minute… “plugs”? Loves Obama? Unique brand of stupid?

          Shriek is Joe Biden?!?

  14. Eliot Spitzer’s fantasy Obama cabinet, including Paul Krugman as Treasury Secretary.

    1. “Paul won a Nobel Prize for a reason.”

      Uh, huh. And so did Barack.

      1. Krugman is also not Bush.

        1. This is important, even if we are in a fiscal disaster because of Bush spending and Krugman wants even more.

      2. You know who else won a Nobel Peace Prize?

        1. Arafat

          1. Hitler, of course.

        2. I find it curious that this happened:

          1943 – No Nobel Prize was awarded this year. The prize money was with 1/3 allocated to the Main Fund and with 2/3 to the Special Fund of this prize section.
          1942 – No Nobel Prize was awarded this year. The prize money was with 1/3 allocated to the Main Fund and with 2/3 to the Special Fund of this prize section.
          1941 – No Nobel Prize was awarded this year. The prize money was with 1/3 allocated to the Main Fund and with 2/3 to the Special Fund of this prize section.
          1940 – No Nobel Prize was awarded this year. The prize money was with 1/3 allocated to the Main Fund and with 2/3 to the Special Fund of this prize section.
          1939 – No Nobel Prize was awarded this year. The prize money was with 1/3 allocated to the Main Fund and with 2/3 to the Special Fund of this prize section.

          What, too many votes for Hitler?

          1. Sounds like they knew how to maintain the integrity of the prize back then. If there’s no one worthy of the prize, don’t lower your standards, withhold the prize.

            1. “Um, five votes for Hitler, three for Stalin. Again? No fucking way.”

              1. Nah, if Stalin got votes they’d have awarded it to him.

    2. Where does Ashley Dupre, ah…fit in…in all of this?

      1. Commerce, of course.

    3. i say go for it. Krugman can captain the ship as it sinks.

    4. About as bad as possible. Typical bull from the Fucking Steamroller.

      Here are my suggestions:

      For Treasury: Ron Paul.

      For State: Gary Johnson.

      For Defense: Norman Schwarzkopf.

      For the SEC: Martha Stewart.

      For Chairman of the Council of Economic Advisers: David Friedman.

      For Director of the OMB: Charles G. Koch.

      For Energy: No one. Shut the bitch down.

      1. You forgot Labor, Education, and Commerce. You hoser.

        1. I was just paralleling the recommendations of Client No. 9. If it were me, and not Obama, most agencies would be gone.

          1. Child hater!

        2. Commerce: Robert Murphy

          Labor: David Koch

          Education: Drew Carey

          1. I’ll second Drew Carey.

            1. Either Drew Carey or Penn Jillette.

              1. Drew Cary for White House Press Secretary!

              2. Penn & Teller for SoS. They’ll use magic and comedy to straighten out our foreign policy.

      2. For Transportation, Walter Block.

        1. What about the Roadz?

      3. I like your last suggestion for all of the rest of them that you haven’t named yet.

        The rest of your list is better than anything that Obama will ever come up with. He has already made mention of John Kerry. And now Paulie Krugman? Ye gads, the damn thing’s gone mad!

        1. My personal suggestions for what to do with the cabinet agencies (and other things) have been published. Here’s the most important one:

          88. At the beginning of my first term, I will order the construction (after a fundraiser) of a small stadium on the Mall, which I will call. . .Thunderdome. Into Thunderdome, I will send the secretaries of every cabinet-level agency–excluding State, Defense, DOJ, and the Treasury–in pairs. Two go in, one comes out. Two go in, one comes out.

      4. SCOTUS
        Judge Andrew Napolitano

        1. Secretary of Justice until then.

      5. Where does Stossel fit into this?

          1. Federal Communications Commission.

    5. He had me until Jennifer Granholm; then I knew it was a spoof.

  15. The UN declares access to contraception to be “an essential human right”

    1. What’s the US’ reason we don’t tell them to fuck off?

      1. Cause we luvs them.

    2. I agree. Although they probably have some really convoluted definition of the word “access.”

    3. I don’t know if it’s “essential,” but it certainly helps in developing nations.

      How are they defining “access?” Subsidized at public expense or available for $19.95 at a Costco near you?

      1. Like all such essential human rights I presume they are starting with the latter definition and will “evolve” to the former within a year or so.

        1. So, it’s like a Pokemon? Or Obama?

        2. For the UN, ‘access’ means getting the US to fund it.

    4. I think we found our new Ambassador to the U.N.

    5. That’s only because they hate brown people, and they don’t want them going and making no dirty brown babies.

    6. I swear to god I read an article on Wikipedia the other day that stated that “Chinese…women..did not have the same access to literacy as men…”

      “Access to literacy?”


      1. You sure it wasn’t a Cracked article?

    7. I have no problem with this. Access to anything that a person wants to purchase, as long as there is someone willing to provide it at an agreed-upon price, is indeed an essential human right. But I have a feeling that’s not what they mean…

  16. He said he’s seen no evidence so far that there was any actual national security risk in the David Petraeus sex scandal.

    The FBI acted stupidly.

    1. I still don’t understand how an FBI investigation of the head of the CIA can entail no security risk.

      1. Too bad you aren’t a White House reporter. Seems an obvious question…

    2. That’s not the point!!!11!1!1!111!!!

    3. Nice!

      And what is up with the server?

      1. No idea. On election night it auto-logged-out me before I could make it back to the livestream feed.

  17. So I’ve spent the last 3 days learning how to synthesize NutraSweet. For the love of the universe, I’m going to drink myself blind drunk and try to forget.

    1. NutraSweet cannot be made…or unmade. He is singular and eternal. And he smells.

    2. Is this some kind of coded message telling us you had butt sex with SugarFree?

      1. No, I really did spend 3 days modelling the industrial synthesis of aspartame for work. I just thought it would be funny to mention it here. Next up is caffeine, then psuedoephedrine. (Although we don’t technically synthesize caffeine industrially, just extract it.)

        1. It’s just a small step from pseudoephedrine to methamphetamine, Walter White.

          1. I’ve told my boss I want a bail money and/or funeral expenses clause in my contract when I have to research synthesis of psuedo on the internet. I’ll probably do it at a coffee shop using Tor.

        2. So you are part of the corporate industrial complex that is trying to kill us all for profit with your evil chemicals?

          1. No, it’s worse. He’s a ChemE.

            1. No, its worse. I’m a consultant. I have a sneaking suspicion that companies use our data to make “going green” plans that show up in shareholder reports and nowhere else. But as long as its worth it to them, the hours are good, and my bosses are cool.

              1. As long as you’re not one of those horrible chemistry majors…


        3. I loved doing the caffeine extraction and purification in o-chem lab. Never got to do it industrially though.

          1. I “do” all this industrially through excel workbooks and reading patents and Ullman’s. Its not fucking sexy at all. The closest I’ve been to real equipment in the last couple of years was my, er, home experiments with the differing volatility of water and ethanol.

            1. So, you’re saying you distilled some moonshine?

    3. So I’ve spent the last 3 days learning how to synthesize NutraSweet.

      Look, I’m sure you’re a very good looking guy, and a patient lover, but this is just not my scene, friend.

      1. Hence the artificial replacement. You don’t have some kind of un-libertarian objection to him making love to a synthetic version of you, do you?

        1. Of course not. I don’t even have a collectivist urge toward myself.

          1. I know what you mean. My hair seceded from my head a few years ago. Thankfully, immigration in the backlands has more than made up for the temporary population decline.

  18. But he’ll consider the Republicans if they retake Senate control.

    “I am like the mighty willow tree, which bows to the wishes of the wind.”

    1. Meh. Let him sit where he can be the biggest pain in the ass.

  19. Jezebel: insists the gender pay gap is totally real, concedes study it’s using is flawed, but insists we follow the EU’s example of forcing companies to hire and pay women more.

    1. You can’t make me click that.

      1. But you love reading the comments

        1. it’s true.

        2. No I fucking do not. That whole site is like drinking ipecac syrup.

          1. ‘like drinking ipecac syrup’

            or eating lead paint chips.

    2. Still, compare that slow climb to that of women executives in Norway (not a member of the EU), a country which mandated a 40 percent quota for non-executive boardrooms in 2003 ? companies that didn’t comply were threatened with liquidation ? and reached that target in 2009. That sounds like progress. According to Reuters, “many” high-powered women resent quotas because they “give the impression that women have not been promoted on merit.” We get that fear in theory, but given the alternative (no/few ladies), is that really a worthy enough reason not to follow Norway’s example?

      Yeah sure, you make it illegal to hire less than X women, and places will hire X women. Success! Who cares if those women are capable, or if it screws over guys, or if the women that deserve to be there are treated like quota filers?

      1. if you click through, you see why they fail. “researchers found that women are more likely to negotiate their salaries if the salary is specifically described as “negotiable.” It’s that simple!”

        if that isn’t obvious to you, you’re hopeless.


      2. If I was in charge of a government agency, I’d be like Ron Swanson and look to hire the worst, most incompetent women possible.

        1. To be fair, Ron Swanson attempts to hire the worst, most incompetent people of both genders.

          1. Proof that he’s not sexist.

    3. Gender gap bleep was the cover story of the school “paper” today. Is this the best they’ve got?

    4. MzLoweAs a woman with 17 years’ experience in a male-dominated field, I know for a fact that I make 85 cents for every dollar that an equally qualified man would. Could that be due to the fact that I’m not quite so hard-nosed about salary negotiation? Not in my case, I’m not afraid to ask for what I’m worth. I’m beyond child-bearing/rearing responsibility and my husband can nuke leftovers – and even make fried chicken! – just fine.

      Just in the past several weeks, I’ve been in talks with a company I USED to work for until they laid me off. They happen to need someone on a couple of projects for which I have the only expertise in the Western Hemisphere. They wanted me to negotiate my bill rate down, on a short term (money-grab) project, when they know that *I* know they had no one else to execute.

      Why, those miserable, chauvinist pigs!How dare they lowball me! ME! Woman!

      Then they had the NERVE to ask if I’d train someone else. That bill rate just went higher. I’m all about being a team player, but not at the expense of my livelihood.

      By the way, she does not say if she got the job. I guess being a team player (except at the expense of her livelyhood) means being unemployed.

      But all because she’s a woman. Right.

  20. Hamil, Fisher, and Ford will be approached to reprise their roles.

    Now we find out what sort of slave Princess Leia REALLY was; this time around, Fisher will play the unacknowledged bastard daughter of Leia and Jabba the Hut.

  21. companies that didn’t comply were threatened with liquidation

    Whoa, whoa, whoa!

  22. Holy shit, Sweden is going full-Anthem: Swedish schools de-emphasize personal pronouns.

    1. Well, that just undid any past fiscal sanity ten times over in my respect balance.

    2. All of these Eurotard countries that are going broke and full on retarded with this PC non-sense and feminization of society are going to soon be overran by the Muslim hordes to their south and southeast.

      I am getting ready to start a burqua factory in China, the new Muslim masters of the Eurotards will be my biggest customers. I will be hiring soon.

      1. Given the creepy conformity of Swedish and Nordic people in general, I welcome the Muslim Horde. May they burn everything in their path.

        1. My monocle will not become foggy over that scenario.

          When Obama stands down and fails to protect them, for once, I will be on his side.

      2. Honestly, I think I’m siding with the Muslims on this one. I mean, we have historical evidence that people can overcome being hyper-religious fucktards over time. That proglodyte shit might be an existential threat.

      1. They have spleens? Uvulas? Toenails? Anuses? Islets of Langerhans?

        No? Not so “anatomically correct” then, are they?

        1. What else are they going to do with the aborted fetuses? Throw them in the landfill and piss off Gaia?

    3. Swedish schools de-emphasize personal pronouns.

      See Spot Run.

      Spot is a dog.

      Spot is a black labrador, and Spot bites on Spot’s favorite ball, drinks from Spot’s water dish and eats from Spot’s meal dish.

      Spot’s owner is Donald. Donald is a young human male. Donald goes to school. Donald’s mother takes Donald to school. School is a building. In school, children play in a garden.

      Fuck, are these guys retarded.

    4. I do not approve.

    5. Finnish doesn’t have gender pronouns; h?n means both he and she.

      I’ve been told it’s not uncommon in spoken Finnish for people to use se instead, which means “it”.

    6. Stockholm’s Old Town, the teachers avoid the pronouns “him” and “her,” instead calling their 115 toddlers simply “friends.” Masculine and feminine references are taboo, often replaced by the pronoun “hen,” an artificial and genderless word that most Swedes avoid but is popular in some gay and feminist circles.

  23. http://games.yahoo.com/blogs/p…..06675.html

    Whoops! Call of Duty: Black Ops II stars Petraeus as Defense Secretary

    Well, we know at least one part of Black Ops II’s near-future vision won’t be coming true.

    While the Call of Duty series strives for a sense of authenticity amidst the over-the-top game scenarios ? and it usually hits pretty close to the mark ? current events are casting doubt on one feature of Black Ops II: the casting of former CIA director David Petraeus as the Secretary of Defense in 2025.

    Petraeus appears in the game on board an aircraft carrier named the USS Barrack Obama, notes Kotaku, and serves as a cabinet member of a female president (who resembles Hillary Clinton).

    While the disgraced chief spy doesn’t play an especially prominent role in the game, he’s hard to miss, showing up in a few key sequences (which we’ll avoid spoiling for you) and in a few audio messages. At least he didn’t take time away from his busy scandal to do any actual work for the game, however, as Petraeus’ voice is supplied by an actor.


    Treyarch trollololololololing.

    1. In 2025 Hillary would be in her 80s, are they anticipating cyborg implants by then?

      1. “Resembles” is the key word. Any badly-coiffed middle-aged woman with cankles and a pant suit resembles Hillary.

        1. That’s sexist/superagressive.

          1. I prefer macroaggresive, RPA. I’m not yet to teh point were I can be superaggresive.

            But if my serum works, the world will rue the day!

            1. KHAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!

      2. It’s President Fluke.

        1. NO. Just, No.

          1. President Lena Dunham?

            1. Choke yourself.

  24. http://news.yahoo.com/inside-n…..17080.html

    Inside NASA’s New Spaceship for Asteroid Missions

    The re-election of President Barack Obama has kept NASA on track to send human explorers to an asteroid, and that means work on a 21st-century spacecraft to fly astronauts to the target space rock and hover nearby ? or maybe even pogo off its surface ? will go ahead as well.

    As of 2010, Obama has challenged NASA to get astronauts to an asteroid by 2025, and on to Mars by the mid-2030s. Whether or not the space agency can stick to that schedule largely depends on its future budget, experts say, but regardless of the pace, work on the asteroid mission is already under way.

    The Multi-Mission Space Exploration Vehicle (SEV) is a prototype that began its design life as a wheeled moon rover. When the president shifted NASA’s focus from the moon-oriented Constellation program set up by the Bush administration, the space agency adapted the SEV to meet the needs of an asteroid mission instead.


    The Imperator wants to set us up on a fucking asteroid, and we were laughing at Newt Gingrich? Holy shit. Bring Titties back!

    1. Just who do you think the new NASA Administrator is?

      That’s right, Newcular Titties “Newt” Gingrich.

    2. The re-election of President Barack Obama has kept NASA on track

      Uh…what? Isn’t NASA’s budget and direction controlled by Congress?

      1. The Constitution ISN’T A SUICIDE PACT.

      2. Neil Tyson has the easiest critique of supposed Presidential “challenges” in regards to NASA. He compares Kennedy’s challenge to put a man on the moon within the decade he was to serve as opposed to the mealy mouthed challenges lately that are supposed to be done in 15-20 years. Everyone knows that after your two terms anything can and will happen to whatever best laid plans you made during your tenure.

        A REAL challenge is to get something done while your there.

        1. Not that I’m advocating this, but we could probably have a guy on Mars within five years if we really wanted to.

          If private space cracks the cost to orbit nut, we could see something like that within a decade. It’s not technology that’s the big problem here.

          1. That’s the point of Tysons criticism. If a president makes a “bold” challenge that won’t occur until he’s been out of office for a decade it’s not really that bold.

          2. Five years, easy. The question is how much will it cost.

            Mars Direct could get us there for less than the 1/4 a years military budget for the whole trip.

            I’m guessing a private Mars mission by ’30.

            1. You guys are literally out of your fucking minds; we do not have the technology to send a few humans in a tin can out into space for four years without resupply or help. I mean you’re literally insane.

              1. we do not have the technology to send a few humans in a tin can out into space for four years without resupply or help.

                Not with the confidence interval NASA uses now. But if they were willing to take a 20% shot of making it, it could be done.

                1. Risk factors, absolutely.

                  And Epi–take a look at Mars Direct. It’s a pretty reasonable architecture if you’re willing to drink filtered pee (which the ISS astronauts already do) and grow food while you’re there, or send it ahead.

                  1. Also, one of the big problems with Mars–dealing with the long ride–could be overcome by just getting there faster.

      3. Except for canceling the one good thing W ever did, starting a plan to get to Mars.

  25. The ‘$5 doctor’ practices medicine from bygone era


    RUSHVILLE, Ill. (AP) ? Patients line up early outside his office just off the town square, waiting quietly for the doctor to arrive, as he has done for nearly 60 years.

    Dr. Russell Dohner is, after all, a man of routine, a steady force to be counted on in uncertain times.

    Wearing the fedora that has become his trademark, he walks in just before 10 a.m., after rising early to make rounds at the local hospital. There are no appointments. He takes his patients in the order they sign in ? first come, first-served. His office has no fax machines or computers. Medical records are kept on hand-written index cards, stuffed into row upon row of filing cabinets.

    The only thing that has changed, really ? other than the quickness of the doctor’s step or the color of his thinning hair ? is his fee. When Dohner started practicing medicine in Rushville in 1955, he charged the going rate around town for an office visit: $2.

    Now it is $5.

    1. Thank God for government interference in healthcare!

    2. The feds will be there tomorrow to shut down this dangerous traitor to the great Emperor

      1. Seriously. I’m about to fucking cry. How the fuck did we mess up so badly?

        1. We didn’t make sure that all of the progressives from the early 20th century got free abortions? I don’t know what else to say.

    3. Romneycare made that illegal in MA and I imagine Obamacare will make it illegal everywhere.

      1. I swear to God, if state rejection of ObamaCare doesn’t work out, I’m going to drink myself into a coma and never wake the fuck up again.

        1. But think of the top notch medical care you’ll get while you’re in that coma, all thanks to our glorious leader!

          1. Please use capital letters. It’s “Our Glorious Leader.”

    4. Won’t Obamacare fuck this up?

    5. There is a caveat, though:

      Most of his income comes from the farm that his family still owns and that is now run by a nephew. So, although he never became a farmer, the farming life made it possible for this country doctor to maintain his practice, his way.

      There’s plenty of examples of doctors successfully practicing general medicine and not charging out the wazoo, and a lot of them are cash-based practices.

      Going back to a cash-based payment system would do more to lower the cost of healthcare overall than anything else, although it’s not a panacea.

      1. So what you’re saying is you want black inner-city kids to die of measles because there’s no universal super-duper government welfare?

        *Reports RRR to Obama administration*.

        1. Not measles, the mumps. And not blacks, Hispanics.

          :polishes monocle:

  26. Astronomers say they may have discovered a rouge planet only 65 light years away.

    1. A rouge planet? Aren’t there red planets closer than that? Any why are speaking in French?

      1. Nous allons ?craser les libertaires! Vive la r?volution populaire!

    2. I love rogue planets. The ultimate libertarian heavenly body.

      1. Technically, they aren’t planets, thanks to the redefinition by the IAU.

        Incidentally, the definition is seriously flawed in another way. Here it is:

        1. is in orbit around the Sun,
        2. has sufficient mass to assume hydrostatic equilibrium (a nearly round shape), and
        3. has “cleared the neighborhood” around its orbit.

        So, all those bodies found in orbit about other stars? Not “planets.”

        1. Fuck the IAU. Just a bunch of bitches.

          1. Think about it–they’ve removed the “planet” designation from every single planetary body in the entire universe except for eight orbiting our sun.

            Insulting the other inhabitants of the universe en masse strikes me as a very bad idea. A very bad idea indeed.

    3. THIS is Ceti Alpha V!!!

      1. You know, Khan could grow a pair. The dude was all, “Send me to rule in hell” when he was younger, now he’s whining about some wind, sand, and earwigs. BFD.

        1. Now I know how he survived with seemingly no food sources: he ate his pride. It fed him for years.

          1. I think he was also eating pages out of Moby-Dick.

        2. SPOCK: From 1992 through 1996, absolute ruler of more than a quarter of your world. From Asia through the Middle East.
          MCCOY: The last of the tyrants to be overthrown.
          SCOTT: I must confess, gentlemen. I’ve always held a sneaking admiration for this one.
          KIRK: He was the best of the tyrants and the most dangerous. They were supermen, in a sense. Stronger, braver, certainly more ambitious, more daring.
          SPOCK: Gentlemen, this romanticism about a ruthless dictator is
          KIRK: Mister Spock, we humans have a streak of barbarism in us. Appalling, but there, nevertheless.
          SCOTT: There were no massacres under his rule.
          SPOCK: And as little freedom.
          MCCOY: No wars until he was attacked.
          SPOCK: Gentlemen.
          KIRK: Mister Spock, you misunderstand us. We can be against him and admire him all at the same time.

          1. See? Spock was a libertarian!

            1. Except for that time he almost became a space hippie. That was a close call, Herbert.

              1. Look, libertarians have a weakness for space hippies, especially if they include hot babes and provide space drugs. Don’t get all Herbert on me, man.

            2. But he was also all utilitarian and shit.

              1. “The principles of logic clearly dictate that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.”

                Even though logic does no such thing.

                Kirk, om the other hand, was all about the Constitution and banging alien chicks, what’s more libertarian than that?

                1. I shit you not — Kirk is the best, baddest motherfucker in sci-fi. All those pinko shits from the later eras can drop dead on their socialist laurel wreaths.

                  1. That’s something you can say about Star Trek. While it wasn’t the greatest or most cutting edge science fiction ever, it had some of the best characters in the entire genre.

                2. He was more of a Rand Paul type than a libertarian. Not quite there.

        3. Khan could grow a pair. The dude was all, “Send me to rule in hell” when he was younger, now he’s whining about some wind, sand, and earwigs. BFD.

          It is a result of the effeminization of society. Back when they ran the original series, men were still men and heroes were tough. By the time they made TWoK, we had descended into almost total pussidom.

          1. “Space Seed” Khan would’ve been fine after the whole disaster. He’d have overcome the problems, and when Reliant came, sure, he’d have hijacked it, but he’d have just flown off and carved out a small empire.

  27. His office has no fax machines or computers. Medical records are kept on hand-written index cards, stuffed into row upon row of filing cabinets.

    Have no fear, the ObamaCare medical review squad will swoop in with their butterfly nets and save those poor patients from this predator!

  28. “He said he’s seen no evidence so far that there was any actual national security risk in the David Petraeus sex scandal.”

    Why is it that every time you ask him a question, he answers another question you didn’t ask–as if it answers your question?

    Question: Did you know the FBI was investigating the head of the CIA?

    Answer: I’ve seen no evidence so far that there was any actual national security risk in the David Petraeus boink scandal.

    1. Would that some reporter (Howard Beale?) would follow up with “With all due respect, Sir, please answer my fucking question.”

    2. “Why is it that every time you ask him a question, he answers another question you didn’t ask–as if it answers your question?”

      He’s a politician, that’s what he’s instructed to do.

  29. Question: Did you know the FBI was investigating the head of the CIA?

    Answer: I LIKE CAAAAAAAKE!!!

    1. Well, Forest, the cake is a lie.

  30. My sex drive is ruining my relationship.” And by sex drive, she means…

    So. I have no sex drive basically. I’m not on hormonal birth control so that isn’t why.

    But my FI, although he doesn’t have a crazy sex drive or anything, wants to have sex, or at least get BJs, memore frequently (like once a month instead of once every few months). But I just don’t get in the mood. After I turned him down last night (and Im on my period!!) he said that if we don’t start being intimate he can’t marry me. And I understand that he doesn’t want to never have sex. I don’t know what to do!! Help!!!

    That’s right, she said once a month instead of once every few months

    And if you were ever wondering, this is the saddest, scariest place on the entire internet. It is a goldmine should any of you wish to look for the new microagressions/Jezebel/etc.

    1. whoops sorry about the italics.

    2. (narrows eyes, tries to tell if this is maybe some kind of brilliant trolling)

      1. On her part? On mine?

        No, I just couldn’t resist sharing, seriously, the saddest, scariest place on the entire internet. They have developed a whole new term, too: “waiting.” You can be married, engaged, or “waiting.” WAITING.

        Sorry, I’m just trying to reach the next level of gender betrayal. If us ladies don’t periodically remind ourselves not to be this crazy, bad things can happen.

        1. Is “waiting” code for bending over the desk and fucking like a rabbit with every man you come across? I bet they’re all sex-crazed Desperate Housewives.

          1. No, it’s code for…well, why don’t I just let them tell you. I can only have a very, very small dose of this nonsense before I start to completely lose it.

            1. You know you’re a lady in waiting when.. you’re reading Breaking Dawn and after loving main character Bella the entire Twilight series, you now hate her b/c she is engaged and married in the first 5 chapters..OH and her honeymoon is on a deserted island..ugh biotch.


              I lasted seventeen seconds. You’re one strong-willed dudette, Nicole, reading that shit.

            2. You know you’re a lady in waiting when.. you’re reading Breaking Dawn and

              That’s not very nice Nicole.

            3. nicole is willing to do the job that some of us just won’t do.

              Because I have even less of a tolerance for that shit than you. I have, like, a negative tolerance or something where knowing it exists makes me even more unable to read it.

              1. I have to vaccinate myself. And I’m telling you so you can tell the next person who needs to be cured.

          2. I think “waiting” in this case means a bunch of women who are more interested in having a ring and a wedding day than the actual marriage part of the deal… Ugh.

        2. I’m so tempted to post my ex-wife’s second marriage pic for a few laughs, but one of you guys mentioned working in the engineering design department of Volvo where her new husband works. Wouldn’t be cool if it came back to bite my ass.

          1. Go ahead. Nobody here’s going to betray you to her husband.

            1. I so totally would. Just for lulz.

              1. Alright, I’ll try to dig it up. The wedding was Tim Burton themed.

            2. Oh, not worried about him, I can handle dudes. It’s her twin sister that is a maniac who’ll light a porch on fire with twenty pounds of burning horseshit when anyone else would just leave a bag of flaming dog poo.

              1. It’s her twin sister that is a maniac who’ll light a porch on fire with twenty pounds of burning horseshit when anyone else would just leave a bag of flaming dog poo.

                Oh? You’ve met my wife, I see.

                1. You’re not married to Mephistopheles, are you?

                  1. Here you go, the ex with the new hubby —


                    I certainly was no one’s idea of a father figure, but she is 39 there,and he is whatever.

                    1. Were you hiding in the brightly colored cake in a gimp suit with a utility belt packed with shuriken?

                    2. Nah. Her sister sent it to me a little while back.

                    3. Current wife in blue bra and pink shorts. Nips blurred out. Pretty safe for work.


                    4. Aw, man, link screwed up. Hold on, I’ll fix it.

                    5. This delay in fixing the link is totally because you’re Photoshopping your wife’s photo! Are you giving her a third boob?

                    6. The pic exist, and is up at that site because I teased her with it. There is no way I’m going through with that one here though.

                    7. So it wasn’t SFW after all. You were going to put up a nude! I’m telling your wife! Nya nya nya!

                      /Petulant Internet shit.

                    8. I’m waiting …

                    9. I’ve chickened out on that one.

                    10. I was thinking that was a seriously ballsy move.

                    11. Ballsy or stupid?

                      Let’s ask the missus.

                      Or you know, not.

                    12. Well, if she’s going to mind, you’re right not to. Shits and giggles are just fine, but fucking up a marriage isn’t something I’d be proud of.

                      But now you know where to come to dump all those nudes if you ever get another divorce!

                    13. No risk of messing up the marriage. It’s not really a bad pic, and it’s actually pretty cute, but nah, I definitely don’t have her permission (I asked). I’ll sneak it to Sugarfree and let him handle it.

                    14. I definitely don’t have her permission (I asked).

                      Iron relationship rule: Ask for forgiveness, not permission.


                      This works incredibly well for sexytimes.

                    15. Killaz-

                      Your ex-wife’s spouse somewhat resembles General Noreiga.

                    16. He really kind of does. And the right ball park of where he is from.

        3. Waiting for a guy to ask? Kinda makes sense, actually. Isn’t that part of the plot of about a million chick flicks?

          1. And these boards are the bastard child of those movies, Fatty.

          2. Nobody puts baby in a corner!

            1. Shut your fucking mouth about Dirty Dancing RIGHT NOW.

              1. Isn’t that the movie where John Travolta makes out with Patrick Swayze, but shit gets really bad because Travolta’s sterile bubble gets contaminated? I forget.

                1. Isn’t that the movie where John Travolta makes out with Patrick Swayze, but shit gets really bad because Travolta’s sterile bubble gets contaminated? I forget.

                  Nobody puts Barbarino in a bubble!

              2. Go back to your playpen, nicole.

                1. Love is strange, okay? It’s not my fault.

                2. Plus, this has nothing to do with Swayze and everything to do with how much I love dancing. And oldies.

              3. I always took her dad’s side in that horrible movie.

            2. Nobody puts corner in a baby.

    3. A fucking month? That’s pandemic blueballs. Get together with a Fleshlight, pal, because she’s not going to satisfy your needs.

      1. The dude is. She only thinks he has a miniscule sex drive. He’s cranking it out daily. Think American Beauty’s shower scene. That or he’s getting it on the side.

    4. Once a few months?

      I don’t understand guys who marry or date Frigidaires. Worst fetish ever.

    5. Jeez, not even a handjob?

    6. I married me a nice Catholic girl. I have to beat her off (no, not that way, you perv) with a stick.

      1. Nothing wrong with a good handstroking down on your partner when time is of the essence. Though, a change of underwear and a thorough hand washing is necessary before getting back to the office.

        1. Some of the grandest sexual magic is performed with fingers.

          1. A coworker I was having some fun with many years back left teeth marks in the leather of her steering wheel from the time I diddled her. [cracks knuckles] These digits are something special.

    7. I feel bad for that woman. Something is clearly wrong with her, whether it’s psychological or biological. She needs medical help.

      1. She does. I am not a good enough person to feel bad for her, unfortunately. But I did like this piece of advice: “If you absolutely cannot stand sex and won’t just do it, then you should find someone with whom you are more compatible.”

        1. I like this better- “If you just force yourself to get into it and do it regularly, you’ll probably find that you like it. To me, it’s sort of like going to the gym. I hate dragging myself there…but once I get into my work out, it’s kind of nice and I enjoy it.”

          Just like going to the gym!

          1. I know…I got sad about that one.

            1. How the fuck does one lack a sex drive? That’s something I’d imagine being in the lowest, darkest, deepest cavern in the flaming chasms of eternal Hell feels like.

    8. And I understand that he doesn’t want to never have sex. I don’t know what to do!! Help!!!

      Make sure he has a “spank room” to watch porn, and accept that your womb will shrivel up and dry out.

    9. Good god. It’s my ex-wife twenty years ago!

      Yeah. Guys, I don’t have much advice, but it’s this. If the woman you’re marrying isn’t as into sex as you are, then just leave. Don’t try therapy, don’t try working on it, just leave.

      From my experience, it’ll save you fifteen years of unhappiness and thousands upon thousands of dollars in the end.

      (Divorce may be expensive, but god damn if it isn’t worth the price of my paycheck each week.)

      1. It was my ex-wife of three years ago.

        I constantly look back on that relationship and hate myself for not listening to what I was thinking. When we were dating there was a whole lot of sexytime. We move in together (the first time I ever lived with the woman I was involved with) and sexytime got less frequent. I chalked it up to us just being together more so my perception was off; still as much sex, just that we’re spending more time together so it seems less frequent. We get engaged and, suddenly, the sexytime became noticeably less frequent. Discuss it with her and it’s blamed on her stress from work, etc, but something we’ll be sure to work through. After marriage, done. Towards the end it really was once every month or two.

        The advice of “if your sex drives don’t overlap by like 99%, don’t get married” is great advice.

  31. Mexico has some of the toughest gun-control laws in the world,

    So tough, that a peasant from Yucatan was once placed in jail for carrying an old 30-30 carbine – a non-working antique – and sentenced to 20 years. It took the outrage of the population, civil right organizations and the press to get the poor soul out.

    Mexico does not allow a single factory to manufacture or build firearms. The most you can hope for is to buy pellet guns from Mendoza, an old weapons manufacturer that used to make rifles for the Mexican army.

    For law-abiding citizens, it’s difficult and expensive to apply for a gun permit. It’s why many gun owners decide to defy the law.

    Actually, most gun owners defy the law totally. There are probably a lot of handguns in the hands of citizens but, usually, few are carried in the street, except by robbers and thieves – usually, ex-policemen, or not so ex.

    Mexicans live the lefty paradise of a gun-less society, with the consequences for all to see.

    1. Why do you hate little children? Do you WANT them to be shot? If the libertards had their way!11!!!

  32. I thought the H&R trolls were retarded, but then I read the comments of this WSJ article:

    the stupid, it BURNS

    1. Some of the comments are incredibly stupid iterations of “eat the rich!”

      But the headline in this link just below the comments caught my eye:

      Lines Blur Over Wife’s Use of CEO’s Jets

      Since the pic is of two women in what appears to be a game, I was thinking that the word “use” had some sort of risqu? connotation.

      1. How about Hue Hendricks?

    2. Prem Rajkumar Wrote:

      The problem with you Conservatives is that your platform is so extreme and ignorant that you have absolutely no one available to articulate your propaganda. Go ahead. Name your standard bearer.

      It’s not about the ideas, it’s about the personalities!!! And Obama is cooler than Rush!!!!

      1. Belgian| 11.14.12 @ 6:33PM |#
        “Prem Rajkumar Wrote:
        The problem with you Conservatives is that your platform is so extreme and ignorant that you have absolutely no one available to articulate your propaganda.”

        I don’t like what you say, so I’ll make some silly claim.
        What a *stupid* comment.

        1. Right, there’s no reason or intellectual defense of conservatism (or, I’m sure, libertarianism). What a dumb thing to say, and how telling.

  33. Jesus Christ.

    That last order proved to be critical, because the issue of gender-neutral restrooms was not so straight forward. It all started when a male-bodied individual asked if they should be using the stall instead of the urinal in the male-turned-gender-neutral multi-stall restroom. The response was to the effect of: we should be prioritizing safety over convenience, so male-bodied individuals should use the stalls to make other people feel safe. It was assumed that everyone would nod their heads and accept this. But another brave soul threw a wrench in the plans. The assumption was made early on in the weekend that everyone was comfortable in gender neutral restrooms and she wanted to know: who’s safety are we prioritizing if we overlook this?

    So the debate raged one. And as we continued the conversation, we had to explain that penises could be triggering; that the threat of sexual assault is real even among those in progressive spaces; that it is not silly to feel secure behind a locked bathroom stall

    1. No, fuck no. The “trigger” group of the feminist movement makes me fly into a rage. Holy fucking fuck.

      1. The Taliban honestly believes the sight of the female form “triggers” uncontrollable lust in men that would led such men to perform sexual assault. Thus, they believe all women should be covered in burkas.

        Strange bedfellows indeed.


        2. Fighting the male gaze, man.

    2. The last one is completely insane. How do you explain something that is patently untrue? What toilet stall lock have you ever seen that would withstand even gentle pressure?

    3. The last one is completely insane. How do you explain something that is patently untrue? What toilet stall lock have you ever seen that would withstand even gentle pressure?

    4. It all started when a male-bodied individual asked if they should be using the stall instead of the urinal in the male-turned-gender-neutral multi-stall restroom.

      “Have you any idea how it feels to be a Fembot living in a Manbot’s Manputer’s world?”

    5. What would you have them do, have separate men’s and women’s restrooms, like the separate black and white restrooms in the Jim Crow South? Huh?

    6. You left out the best part:

      Shouldn’t some of the beauty of a gender neutral bathroom be that a woman with a penis can have access to a urinal if she wanted to?


      1. Don’t forget Stan/Loretta and his Right to Have Babies.

  34. This makes a lot of sensde dude.


    1. ^Flag as spam.

      1. Why do you hate the anonobotz?!?!

        1. I hate spammers.

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