Victoria's Secret Helps Out The National Guard


Victoria's Secret has saved the National Guard. 

On Monday night Superstorm Sandy left the armory of the New York Army National Guard's 69th Infantry Regiment without power. Thankfully Victoria's Secret was in town for an event at the Regiment's armory, and had brought in huge generators. The National Guard reached out for help from the producers of the show. Power was restored hours later:

For the show, the producers had hauled in eight massive 500 kilowatt generators. Of course, the producers said, we'd be happy to help. Hours later, the lights flashed back on.

"We were dead in the water until Victoria's Secret showed up," says Capt. Brendan Gendron, the Regiment's operations officer.

It's one of many unexpected turns the New York Army National Guard has been forced to take as it copes with the chaotic aftermath of Hurricane Sandy. On Tuesday afternoon, the Guard was about to ship 450 soldiers to Missouri for a mock disaster drill. Now, not only are those troops staying in-state, but the New York Guard is getting ready to accept nearly 1,000 additional soldiers from the Ohio, Massachusetts, and other states. 

The National Guard also turned to Victoria's Secret for help distributing food provided by FEMA. For some reason a lingerie retailer was better equipped to distribute food in the aftereffects of a natural disaster than FEMA and the National Guard, and was on hand to provide a fork lift:

The troops also needed help distributing food. The Federal Emergency Management Agency had begun bringing tractor-trailers' worth of emergency provisions to the armory. It was up to the troops to break up the pallets, load them in military trucks, and bring them to the seven distribution centers in Manhattan where the Salvation Army would hand out meals to Hurricane victims. One problem: the 69th didn't have a fork lift. So again, they turned to the Victoria's Secret crew.

Read more on private sector disaster relief here

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  1. Only central government can handle disasters like this. Some dipshits in a newspaper in England said so.

  2. Mormon church is usually quick in their disaster response. Haven’t read anything about them yet.

    1. Too busy lining up the Nikes for the final trip.

      No, wait….that was the Hale Bopp Comet guys.


      1. You know there is a nearly infinitesimal chance those dorks are out there deep in the cosmos laughing their asses off at us.

        1. At least I’ve got my wedding tackle intact.

  3. *sung to the theme from “Team America – World Police”*

    Fuck yeah!
    Here to save the motherfucking day!
    Helping out’s the only way yeah!

    Our gener-ator’s here.
    You can use it – so you should never fear

    Fuck yeah!
    Helping is our other job now!
    Underwear just pays the bills – yeah!

    1. Needs more underwear.

      1. Needs less underwear.

        1. FUCK YEAH!

    2. Thank you for that. That tickled my funny bone and the droll balls beneath it.

  4. Why do I suspect that if the NY National Guard did have a forklift we’d be reading Hit & Run posts the other 364 days out of the year asking why they have a forklift that they’e not using and suggesting that they get rid of it and contract out for one when it’s needed?

    1. Because it’d be valid criticism.

    2. Because, I suspect, this article a response to all the shitheads in the world who believe government alone should handle disaster relief.

    3. Because you’re an idiot?

      1. This one definitely.

      2. Winner.

    4. I don’t know, but it’s probably your mother’s fault.

      1. has the statute of limitations re: Bush run out?

        1. Sure. My ass is soaked from riding my bike in the rain today, so I’m lashing out at everyone.

        2. No, and I blame Bush

    5. Wallmart has a fork lift…and the stuff that needs to be fork lifted.

      Why is it the national guard that is giving out FEMA goods when Wallmart could be doing it?

      1. Didn’t FEMA use Walmart’s logistic systems to manage their assets during Katrina?

        1. No, but they would have been better served to have done so.

    6. You’re just pissed that a bunch of bitchez in they underwear showed up the Guard.

      1. They could show me up any time they wanted!

    7. The point of the story is not that the NG should have lots of generators–or forklifts. The point of the story is that you don’t need a NG at all to have those things.

    8. Yeah, why do those guys that carry big guns and thousands of pounds of ammunition and supplies need a machine that can lift thousands of pounds of ammunition and supplies anyways?

  5. the New York Guard is getting ready to accept nearly 1,000 additional soldiers from the Ohio, Massachusetts, and other states.

    So that’s why all of those douchebags have to refer to themselves as “The Ohio State University”… it’s in the original title.

    1. Naw – it’s because of Miss Teen South Carolina.

      1. You mean, “it’s because of Miss Teen South Carolina such as.”

        1. US Americans and the Iraqs the peoples of the Eurofrica.

    2. Maybe they mean the river, not the state.

      1. The river is (mostly) in KY.

        Not that that changes anything, just felt like pointing it out.

        1. Didn’t Abe Lincoln argue successfully before the court that the northern states should get half?

          And of course, the only state straddling both sides of the Ohio in it is PA.

          1. Abe Lincoln was born in KY.

            Not that that changes anything, just felt like pointing it out.

          2. I dont know about Abe, but the courts ruled that the KY border with IL/IN/OH is the northern coast of the river in 1792.

            Since the river has since moved, there is some land in KY north of the river and some parts of the river that are in yankee states.

            1. This is how IN, for example, has a riverboat casino on the Ohio, its in water that is part of IN.

              KY has threatened to seize it if it drifted across the border.

              IN fixed that problem by changed the law so the boat is permanently docked.

  6. AUGH! Why did I retire this summer…I could have been rescued by Victoria’s Secret!!

    Oh, wait, that was the NYNG – I am shocked, they have never demonstrated difficulty with logistics in my experience…well, except every time I have ever dealt with them.

  7. Another quibble… why does NYNG send troops to another state, with very different climate, terrain, urbanization levels, proximity to oceans, etc, to train for disasters in NYS? Isn’t it kind of hard to train for storm surges and tidal waves in a landlocked state?

    1. Isn’t it kind of hard to train for storm surges and tidal waves in a landlocked state?

      Do you honestly think they train for that? By inference, we can conclude they don’t.

    2. I think, at a minimum, have a fucking generator and gas for it is part of every fucking situation I can imagine training for. Put it on a truck and park it somewhere high if floods are part of the scenario. I mean, I’m not a certified quartermaster – or whatever their current designation is – but I’d rank that as pretty high on the list.

      Of course, I’d also do crazy things like evacuate critical patients from hospitals in the storm cone before power fails.

      Its not fucking rocket science.

      Sorry, this is not a rant directed at you, I deleted about half of the ‘fucks’ from it, but its still pretty fuck-heavy.

      1. I’d also do crazy things like evacuate critical patients from hospitals in the storm cone before power fails.

        Depends. Evacuating patients from hospitals is very, very dangerous.

        The NY hospitals should have been fine. They should have had all the fuel and supplies they needed for at least three days, more like five.

        But, obviously, they didn’t. That’s on their shitty operations, nothing else.

        1. Stupidly, they never expected to lose power, because they never do. I lived there seven years and never lost power, not once. Not even during 9/11. It just doesn’t cross people’s minds.

          They should still have generators, regardless.

          1. In 5 years of living in my house, I have lost power for a week twice. And one other night.

            I dont own a generator.

            I just live without power.


            I did plus into my neighbor’s generator some during one of the outages for a few hours each night in order to do some basic things like charge up phone/watch tv.

          2. Which seven years did you live there? They had a gigantic power outage, along with most of the northeast, in August 2003.

            1. I moved out in 2002 to Orange County, NY. I remember that power outage, it affected me too (why are there no lights on in the supermarket?). So yeah, they should have learned from that. But unsurprisingly, they didn’t.

              1. Mostly I remember being pissed that it was an almost-full moon that night so I couldn’t see the real, non-light-polluted night sky in all its glory.

                1. Mostly I remember being out (at the supermarket) and then having to kick my side door in because I didn’t take keys with me and the garage door opener was deprived of the electricity it needed to open for me. Stupid garage door. And it showed me how fucking pointless non-reinforced locked doors are too, but I guess I already knew that because I know how to pick locks.

                  1. Unless Burn Notice has lied to me all these years, what matters isn’t whether the door is reinforced, it’s whether the wall next to the door is reinforced.

            2. I was at Pennsic when this happened, my father-in-law called to ask us how we were handling the power outage. This garnered a big laugh because we weren’t even aware the power was out.

        2. It was the same in Katrina, though. And I know for a fact that the FL people called the hospitals in New Orleans and offered beds, helicopters, trucks and people to man the vehicles. The hospital people said no, and a week later we’re watching a clusterfuck just like NYU.

          Hurricanes aren’t tornadoes. You have to be ready for 2-3 days of not only bad weather, but also another period that long before you can reliably resupply.

          Anyone whose life is dependent on electrically powered machines shouldn’t be in a position where you have to evacuate them in even less ideal circumstances, IMO.

        3. Why do they put the generators in the basement? How about designing your hospital so you put them on the third floor or so?

          1. Some places put them on the roof.

          2. That was one of the things that bugged me about the news coming out of NO after Katrina.

            Here was a city that had the potential to fill up like a bowl and no owner of any multi-story building in town had ever thought “maybe I should have emergency power in this building above the ground floor and maybe I should make it possible to isolate the power circuits the ground floor from those above.”

        4. The NY hospitals should have been fine. They should have had all the fuel and supplies they needed for at least three days, more like five.

          But, obviously, they didn’t. That’s on their shitty operations, nothing else.

          Worry not, RC. Joint Commission will be talking to them very soon, no doubt.

      2. Wait, you are apologizing for using ‘fuck’ too freely? I think the more fuck-heavy (stealing this phrase) the better, probably feeds the squirrelz or something.

        1. Despite IFH’s and Groovus’ slanderous campaign against me, I am a gentleman who does not depend solely on conjugations of the word ‘fuck’ for emphasis. Sometimes I use all caps.

          1. This is a weird thread. A real live gentleman and hardly anyone is talking about boobs. THAT’S NOT HampersandR.

            1. Maybe we don’t talk about boobs because we act like we’ve been there before.

              1. Yeah. Everybody knows they feel like bags of sand.

            2. We also don’t need to call it HampersandR anymore, because the & is now working. I think they put shock collars on the squirrels or something.

              1. I don’t believe you.


                1. Holy shit! It worked.


                  The less than greater than signs still don’t work. Something new to bitch about.

                  <<br /

                  1. Blog ain’t called Hit greater than Run.

                    1. Hit!@#$%^&*()_+{}[]:”;’,./?Run

          2. “FUCK”

          3. Sometimes I use all caps.


          4. Their comments are in print. Therefore, the comments are libellous, not slanderous. :-p

            1. You should hear what they say about me, though.

    3. They were not traing for a disaster in NY State – it was one of the earthquake/New Madrid Fault goes blam exercises – if that truly goes down bad, they will need ALL the National Guard to help, if for nothing else, to sweep the remains of Memphis and St. Louis into the river.

      1. Ah, I see.

        1. When we did one of those a couple years back, we had a geological survey dude come in and brief us….we all sat there with our jaws hanging down and developed 1000 yard stares in no time flat.

      2. Actually, Col. Sanders, Memphis is twice as close to the fault than St. Louis. Whereas Memphis is screwed six ways to Sunday in case of an earthquake, all we’ll be sweeping is a couple of bricks and ceiling lamps.

        1. At least Memphis didn’t build a giant croquet wicket in an earthquake zone.

          1. Hey, it’s not a croquet HOOP.

            I like to think of it as a wishbone.

            And it’s OUR giant wishbone.

    4. Missouri was the training site because of the imminent danger of another earthquake on the New Madrid fault.

  8. But that is some excellent disasterboob.

    1. +2

  9. I was planning on a photodump of nude chicks, but you assholes are too busy, you know, in reality, having sex with real women and drinking real booze.


    1. Help a brother out, would ya? I came home with a bad cold, and the wife is going out for the night – so booze will be the only thing I get tonight.

  10. No alt text?
    Why, she’s obviously the Air National Guard!

    1. “Wait, you said you needed buoys?”

    2. @#$%ing Air Force always had the best of everything!

      /Army rant off

      1. They use the Marine’s PR department.

        1. Gott dammed AF always builds the golf course and luxury housing first, then they run out of money before they can put the air strip and hangars in…they go ask for more money, ’cause what is an AFB without landing strips or hangars? They get told “OK, here is the money, BUT DON’T DO THAT AGAIN!” Where the Army builds all the training stuff first and ends up with crap housing and no fun stuff – when they ask for money they get told to go piss up a rope, stop asking for luxuries!

          @#$^ *&^% !@#$ it!

          1. Should you really be bitching about that here?

            Where most of us think there should only be one armed force and it should be about 50% smaller then our entire military?

            1. Sounds like he’s bitching about wasteful military spending.
              What’s your problem with that?

              1. He’s actually just pissed off that he wasn’t smart enough to get in the Air Force. 😉

                1. That’s *COLD*!

          2. C’mon – you loved your time in Ft. Polk.

            1. GI Grits and GI Gravy, gee I wish I’d joined the… the… damn, always forget that part.

    3. 69th infantry…

      No alt-text needed

  11. So Victoria’s Secret built that. Interesting.

    1. …meanwhile, the NY National Guard schedules a marathon of its own…

      what do you mean tasteless?

  12. You know, this is oddly reminiscent of that scene from Apocalypse Now Redux when Willard exchanges barrels of gas for Playmate sex.

    1. Except the playmates were giving Willard the gas… So what do the Playmates get?

  13. Quite a boost to the morale their boys. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

  14. I do like victoria secrets wow.

      1. Denied!

        1. Not even close.

          1. It’s a great way to revive a thread though. One word trolling 😉

  15. And in grand libertarian tradition, Victorias Secret producers are probably rolling in the government cash.

    Viva la libertarians….celebrating the private profit from public money.

    The old Roman triumvirate Crassus used to run private fire companies in Rome. His people would rush to fires and offer to extinguish blaze if only they were able to buy the property and neighboring properties for pennies. Private wealth extorting the state and other individuals…the Hit and Run idea.

  16. For some reason a lingerie retailer was better equipped to distribute food in the aftereffects of a natural disaster than FEMA and the National Guard

    I think that we should take note and move towards a lingerie model-based disaster response policy.

  17. It is beautiful! I love Victoria’s Secret but I love my own secret too.

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