Election 2012

Today in Awful Celebrity Pro-Obama Agitprop: "Forward" (the Song)


From the press release:

FORWARD, a new song performed by Grammy Award winning R&B singer-songwriter NE YO, THE GOO GOO DOLLS' JOHNNY RZEZNIK, music legend HERBIE HANCOCK, DELTA RAE and NATASHA BEDINGFIELD was released today as a grassroots effort to motivate and inspire nationwide voter participation in the upcoming 2012 Presidential election.

The song was written and created by hit songwriters Gregg Alexander and Danielle Brisebois of the The New Radicals, and Fred Goldring, who was behind the 2008 multiple award-winning grassroots music video YES WE CAN with will.i.am. Grammy Award winning producer John Shanks produced the record, and the powerful music video for the song was produced and directed by Graham Henman and his team at Hello and Company.

You may commence gagging.

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  1. *GAG*

  2. If you idolize a politician, you need psychological counseling and, likely, serious pharmacological help.

    1. I indulge in some “serious pharmacological help” even though I don’t idolize politicians.

      I find it keeps me comfortably numb from those who do.

        1. GENIUS!

      1. All of my “higher functioning” friends from way back when don’t take antidepressants and quit the doob (I quit the latter too), and then they fall for this kind of shit.

    2. No kidding. There is one good thing that would certainly result from Romney winning. The ROMNIAC 2000, whatever its programing flaws, will never be idolized or considered anything beyond a politician.

      1. Yes, that’s another asymmetry in Romney’s favor.

        Trust no one in Washington! NO ONE.

        1. “Washington World: Where Nothing and Go Worng”

          Starring holographic Yul Brynner as Romniac 2000

          1. you may wish to substitute “Can” for “and” in the above post.

            Carry on.

            1. Darn it. I was substituting “wear” for “where” in order to make sense of it.

      2. He’s a man
        He’s just a man
        And I’ve had so many men before…

        /Jesus Christ Superstar

    3. I think you mean “you must be getting serious pharmacological help to be able to idolize a politician”, because that’s the only way I can imagine it short of North Korea style brainwashing.

  3. At least it doesn’t involve Lena Dunham. My God that is one homely woman. They would have been better off getting Sandra Fluke to do that ad. That ad makes me want to never have sex again.

    1. I have resisted watching the ad precisely because I think she’s seeking to sap my precious bodily fluids…

      1. Don’t do it. It will ruin sex for you for a month. It is worse than watching midget porn. She is just so damned homely. Not that there is anything wrong with being a homely, boyish tattooed out goth chick. To each their own. But the last thing anyone would ever want is said chick talking to you about sex. The only thing worse would be your grandmother doing that add.

        1. How often do you watch midget porn, John?

          1. Only when Warty comes over and won’t leave. It is the only thing he ever watches and the only thing that will calm him down.

            1. Several cc’s of Rohypnol has a little effect too; usually enough to stop him from raping the couch.

              1. “…usually enough to stop him from raping the couch.”

                I laughed so hard at that I think I turned purple. Now the execs are looking out wondering what is going on in the cubicle farm.

              2. “I’ve got my eye on a leather couch with a velvet dick hole in it.”

                Guy Metdrapedes

            2. Have you tried Haldol?

        2. Boyish goth chicks are the WORST kind of goth chicks.

          My wife and I attended my son’s HS choir concert last night. While we were waiting for him afterwards, I was rather surprised at the number of pale, manky goth girls in the choir. Can’t tell from the seats in the auditorium – out in the hall?

          Creepy. No one was a goth when I was in high school. Of course, we were reading our books with the aid of whale oil lamps when I was in high school. so…

      2. It is bad enough they thought the ad was a good idea. But that they thought doing that ad with someone that fugly is just beyond the pale. What? Eva Langoria wasn’t available?

        1. Considering we know Jessica Alba is an Obama supporter, this decision is a strange one.

          1. The Jezzies would’ve switched to Jill Stein had they used someone not wretched to look at.

        2. I don’t know what “internals” really are, but that kind of video makes me wonder how much the party fears losing its base, at least on this voting day. Who is Lena Dunham talking about sex supposed to convince, other than collegiate feminists already tweeting about how Romney will ban abortion?

          1. Apparently they think it will appeal to all women, everywhere.

    2. You know what I love about that commercial? I’d never heard of Lena Dunham, so she was just some random idiot.

      1. I’d never heard of Lena Dunham …


    3. Fluke is not a bad looking woman, she’s just . . . an American Tragedy.

  4. We’re all in this togeeeeethhherrrrr…..unless you’re voting for Romney or Gary in which case you’re clearly a raaaaaaciiisssttt.”

    1. Yes, it’s all harmony until someone thinks differently. Then they must be CAST OUT.

      1. We respect the diversity of those who agree with us.

        1. I have great tolerance for yes-men.

          1. I know you’re joking. So I’ll smile just this once.

            1. Indeed, I tolerate concurrence from all persons of every race, gender, gender preference, religion, creed, economic class, and condition.

        2. Okay, that was a good line.

  5. I listen to Pandora, and there’s been this ad running lately about some ’embedded reporter’ giving us a “candid look” at the president “like you’ve never seen him before” (dramatic music).

    Man, they’re trying… This may turn out to be my best failed prediction yet (after the Osama Bin Laden one, that is).

    1. Obama should change his name to Chuck Heston. I mean, right now. Then rebrand over the next few weeks. Because Obama’s not winning jack.

      1. Because Obama’s not winning jack.

        It’s sure beginning to feel that way. I’m just in the no-man’s land, trying to figure out which polls to believe or not believe.

        People are going to be utterly confused when I run out of my house in my underwear filling the night with elated screaming, “I was wrong! I WAS WRONG!”

        1. Don’t be fooled. A few months back the Illuminati realized it was so painfully obvious Obama was going to win that nobody cared. Nobody caring really impacts their self-esteem and sense of control. So they threw Romney that first debate and now everyone’s all excited.
          Obama will still win. Guaranteed.

    2. You mean, we get to see pictures of him sitting on the pot?

      1. So many answers:

        Closing gitmo, defending civil liberties, giving a mea culpa on Benghazi, defending the first amendment… so many answers.

  6. These people are hopeless. If you’re able to get Herbie Hancock, it should be obvious to anyone with two brain cells, what you do is a rock the vote play on Rockit. Instead, they give you this lifeless crap casserole of a song. What a collection of dunces.

    1. I’m most disappointed in Herbie. At least Chick Corea isn’t included. My Weather Report memories might have to be purged.

      1. Well, we know Jaco won’t be endorsing anyone, so his memory is safe.

        1. Jaco would have endorsed The Rent’s Too Damned High candidate.

          1. Jaco died in a Cage Match with Stanley Clarke, didn’t he?

            1. Something like that.

        2. Yeah, except that Miles’ tribute to him was on the execrable Amandla. That memory isn’t going anywhere.

      2. Headhunters is just one great track after another.

        On the other hand, I’ve seen Chick Corea twice and one time I had to get up and leave in the middle of the show (small room, too). He’s a Scientologist and was playing some fucking awful shit and attributing it to Xenu and the Wonder Twins or whatever the fuck. It was horrible.

  7. It’s too bad it doesn’t end with a shot of that statue of Lenin with his arm out.

  8. So everyone around here is freaking out about Frankenstorm. They’re flooding the groceries to buy perishables that will go bad as soon as the power goes out. Thing is, I need to do an actual, legit grocery run. I haz no fudz in my house.

    Do you think 10pm would be a “safe” time to hit the stores? I have a feeling I should have gone yesterday when I was teleworking.

    1. You’re probably better off sneaking out for a bit if there’s anywhere close to where you work. Nothing like arriving at the store to find only pumpkin pie mix on the shelf.

      1. How have you already forgotten the Great Pumpkin shortage of 2011?

        1. I blame the lack of sincerity in the candidates.

        2. Not to mention the stuffing shortage caused by the stuffing wars.

          “Ancient Aliens at the first thanksgiving!”

      2. Foggy Bottom is a dead zone of every kind of commerce, unfortunately. I think I’ll need to try the late night run. Maybe I can find one that’s open til midnight or 1am.

        1. You don’t have 24-hour supermarkets in DC??

          1. My neighbor/colleague just informed me the brand new Super Walmart by my house is 24/7. 2am Saturday night/Sunday morning is the plan!

          2. there’s nothing better than 3AM drunk shopping at Meijers.

            1. That is absolutely reprehensible – everyone knows you are supposed to drunk shop there at 1AM!

        2. Dude – Foggy Bottom has both a Trader Joe’s and a Whole Foods. You apparently don’t get out of your office much.

    2. “They’re flooding the groceries to buy perishables that will go bad as soon as the power goes out”

      Not if they’ve got a whole house backup generator hooked up their house.

      1. Or in my case, a generator that powers the fridge, freezer, and microwave. Oh, and I can move the toaster oven to an outlet powered by it if need be. (That, and just as importantly, the coffee maker.)

      2. Isn’t it maybe close enough to freezing in your garage or backyard to store some things? Also a nice hibachi helps cook some things when power is down.

        When hurricanes hit in Puerto Rico in the 70s and 80s, power would be down for a week to three weeks. Water out for about one week. Nobody died unless they went out looting and got electrocuted from the downed power lines.

    3. The Irene freakout was focused on the coastal areas. Those of us in the Catskills were hit much harder (I lost power for 46 hours, and consider myself lucky), but little mention of us on the national news.

  9. We are the world, we are the children, we are the ones who make a brighter day, so let’s start giving.


    Now in four part harmony?

  11. And on topic…I hate that nasally falsetto that seems so popular with the R&B artists these days. Makes my ears bleed.

    1. R&B/Soul is such a pale shadow today compared to the past.

      1. Terrible. Just terrible.

      2. Case in point.

        (his vocals are only slightly more nasally and effeminate than Stevie Wonder, though)

  12. Also, “Why do they hate women?”

  13. What? Is the Soviet national anthem not in the public domain?

  14. Not that there is anything wrong with being a homely, boyish tattooed out goth chick.

    It’s the American Pickers chick?

    1. dude, i’d hit that. No joke. Not sure why either. Curiosity mostly.

      1. Tats = does anal.

        Search your feelings CB, you know it to be true!

        1. The two women with tats I’ve dated both were willing to do anal, so I think you may be onto something here.

          1. verrrry interesting.

            1. But, those two women were the hookerish Filipina I was paying money to have sex with before I met my current GF (“hookerish” because I was her only client), and my current hot young French-Vietnamese GF.

              So maybe it’s just that I now have a preference for dating women who act like they’ll do anal.

              1. So maybe it’s just that I now have a preference for dating women who act like they’ll do anal.

                Or maybe southeast Asian women like anal.

                1. I dated a Japanese woman who would only give head and do missionary (but she was reeeeally good at both), and I was on a first-and-only date with a SE Asian girl just before meeting my GF who said she didn’t do anal, so your theory doesn’t comport with my experience.

        2. I can confirm this.

  15. Chang eats the sun and drinks the skies, and they both go with him when he dies…”

    1. How dare you post a Community clip without Alison Brie or Gillian Jacobs!

      1. I didn’t feel good about it.

      2. Not only that, it’s from the episode with Goth Britta.

        Ready the catapult!

  16. Do you think 10pm would be a “safe” time to hit the stores?

    Save your money and just wait for the looting to start.

    1. Dude, he’s gonna need some food before November 7.

      1. And by he I mean she.

        Sorry Kaptious.

        1. I don’t get my boxers panties in a wad over that kinda thing.

  17. Wasn’t there a movie or a video game where the poster had a bloody, zombie hand holding up the ‘four’ symbol with its hand?

    1. Left 4 Dead.

  18. These GOTV ads… it’s like they’re trying to remind you of the South Park turd sandwich vs douche episode. What if you do convince me to vote, and I don’t vote for your guy?

    (btw, douche is the obvious choice)

    1. Douche-bags are hygienic products; I will take that as a compliment. Thank you.

  19. Wow, a whole M. Riggs piece with calling out the bloodthirsty baby-killing machine (aka Amerikka’s military) for what they really and truly are: bloodthirsty baby-killers! Forward, Mike! Yay!

    Anyway, so how are these Wealthy Imbeciles for Obama any different than persons who say: “I hate leftism. It must be stopped.” But then turn around and slavishly support candidates who have no fucking chance of getting .0000000000000000000000000000000000001% of the electoral vote?

    Hey, I’m just a bovine asking questions here. How will I ever learn until I see the precise innerworkings of the True Libertarian mind?

    1. The Libertarian Hive Mind that we are all connected to?

    2. Fuck off, Mary.

  20. But then turn around and slavishly support candidates who have no fucking chance of getting .0000000000000000000000000000000000001% of the electoral vote?

    We believe in stuff.

    1. They are nihilists Donny.

  21. How will I ever learn until I see the precise innerworkings of the True Libertarian mind?

    It’s a conundrum.

    1. precise?

      Are We Not Men? We are Devo!

  22. *barf*

    Seriously I just ate lunch. Could you refrain from posting this kind of shit at or around lunch time?

    1. The benefits of living in California.

      Actually, might be the only benefit.

  23. Keep us moving FORWARD! Because the edge of the cliff is not that far away!

  24. The few seconds I could stand:

    The instrumentation was your standard banal background pap used for car commercials. The use of black & white was hipster ironic. Overall the singing was uninspiring, including the backup vocals.

    1. It probably sounds a lot better in the original Russian.

    2. I don’t understand “hipster ironic”, can you explain that? I was wondering if someone had an idea why they chose ByW. I thought maybe it was racial symbolism — you know, black y white together? (And none of those coloreds to mess things up.)

  25. I’ve got a question.

    Would releasing this within 90 days of the election been illegal before SCOTUS ruled in favor of Citizens United?

    1. Not sure. If it was done by a corporation (for- or non- profit), then I think it would have been. But as a purely volunteer effort, with no official structure, and no money spent? Maybe not.

  26. “Oh, we’re halfway there”?

    Fine, plagiarize Bon Jovi if you must.

  27. I made an autotuned rap of the first few comments in this thread. Whaddya y’all think?


    1. Not bad, but I hate all rap so I’m not the best judge.

  28. Almanian’s Evil Twin| 10.26.12 @ 1:43PM |#

    “Washington World: Where Nothing and Go Worng”

    Starring holographic Yul Brynner as Romniac 2000

    Almanian’s Evil Twin| 10.26.12 @ 1:43PM |#

    you may wish to substitute “Can” for “and” in the above post.

    Carry on.

    The original, with two mistakes in just seven words, is an improvement over your second guessing. =)

  29. The International

    Arise ye workers from your slumbers
    Arise ye prisoners of want
    For reason in revolt now thunders
    And at last ends the age of cant.
    Away with all your superstitions
    Servile masses arise, arise
    We’ll change henceforth the old tradition
    And spurn the dust to win the prize.

    So comrades, come rally
    And the last fight let us face
    The Internationale unites the human race.

  30. If this is Agitprop, So’s “Atlas Shrugged, Part II”

  31. I made it 25 seconds into the music video before I had to bail. Which is about 5 times longer than I can stand to hear most politicians spouting lies on TV.

  32. Musicians fellate
    Obama fanboys jack off
    And the women trib


    My ears, how they bleed
    That is worse than Bruce Springsteen
    I hate sycophants

  33. Forward, noble proletarians.

    Strike terror in the hearts of the bourgeousie!

    We shall build a monument to the People with their skulls.

  34. …released today as a grassroots effort…

    If I never hear the word “grassroots” again in my (hopefully long) life, I can’t say that would bother me one bit.

  35. You may commence gagging.

    That came about a paragraph late for me.

  36. I’m thinking about launching a new political party called the Doomsday Party. If we’re headed towards a Mad Maxesque post-apocalyptic wasteland anyway, we might as well go all the way and get it done with. It might be refreshing to have candidates that spell out political reality in plain English, without the political newspeak and outright lies. Washington can’t be changed, entitlements can’t be touched and should be “put on the credit card”, we support “pointless wars”, etc. The slogans should be “Just Give Up.” Obviously, everything would be pure sarcasm, but if the major parties aren’t willing to discuss reality with their BS PR campaigns, somebody’s gotta say it.

    1. Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

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