Romney Leads Obama by Seven Points, DOMA Struck Down, Annual Welfare Spending Tops $1T: P.M. Links


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  1. The federal government and the various state governments spent a combined $1.03 trillion on welfare programs in 2011.

    Must be why there aren’t any poor people around anymore.

    1. $3,000 for every man, woman, and child.

      $12,000 for the poverbial family of four.

      1. And in case you’re wondering:

        $22,000 for every man, woman, and child under the poverty line.

        $90,000 for the povertial family of four.

        And this doesn’t even include those bastions of misguided welfare — Social Security and Medicare.


        1. and despite that, you still hate the poorz.

        2. This is why I get my dander ruffled when MILITARY INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX is placed ahead of discretionary spending, as the former WAY outstrips the latter. I’m no Warboner, but as the Iron Law goes:

          “If everything is a priority, then nothing is a priority.”

          I would prefer to slash this entitlement spending first, then get to reducing the military.

          1. Agreed, even though we are way too interventionist, national defense is an actual legitimate function of the federal government, while basically everything else it dos, is not.

        3. $90,000 for the povertial family of four.

          If that’s a typo (and I’m gonna say it is), then we can close the rolls for R C’z Law for the year, and declare it a typo that has ascended to neologism.

        4. Negative income tax would be a lot cheaper.

          Actually, it wouldnt be, except that you could end all the programs too, and thus, it is.

    2. Someone was asking my why block grants would not help and insure ObamneyCare stays in place, there’s another answer.

      You can be quite sure that many medical assistance programs that are not specifically itemized under Medicaid are in the there.

    3. A trillion here and a trillion there… it starts to add up, doesn’t it?

    4. They also gave $5.5 billion to something called “Indian Health Service”. I don’t think we should be subsidizing health care in the sub-continent.

      1. …racist…

  2. Now that planets have been discovered there, a private group wants to send a probe to Alpha Centauri.

    You just want to make sure you keep their probes away from Uranus.

    1. Well it’s not like they’re gonna be interested in sending a probe to Uranus cause all they’ll find there is a giant black hole pulling anything nearby inside it.

      1. Might as well use the gravity assist.

      2. C’mon, Rasilio, Fist isn’t that big of a slut.

    2. What’s the fastest we’ve gotten a probe–150,000 mph or so? I think we’d better improve upon that dramatically or there’s no point in launching one.

      1. They’ve got a willing GNC engineer here.

        1. What do we need here, nuclear propulsion? Solar sails? I figure it’s not worth doing unless we can get up to at least 0.1c.

          1. How big of a probe are you talking? And probably more important: do you want it to stop?

            1. Big enough to send me back some data decades later. And I think it’s got to stop–if it bolts through at an appreciable fraction of light speed, that’s too quick.

              1. Ah, so you want the whole “stop and observe” package huh? Well that’s gonna cost extra.

                My personal guess is that we’d use a solar sail for acceleration (with some lasers to keep up the gas after you leave the system). You can theoretically get close to 0.1 c with this setup.

                Then we’d use a combination of traditional propulsion and magsail to slow down (but probably not stop).

                1. It would be a shame to spend all that time waiting, then get only a few weeks or months of decent data.

                  I’d also like to stop by Voyager, pick it up, and send it back to Earth, just to piss off NASA.

                  1. But we need Voyager to smash into God!

                    1. Sorry, it’s too much fun to tweak NASA’s nose. Besides, V’ger.

                    2. Can’t we just piss off NASA by doing actual space exploration without them?

                    3. Why stop there when you’re interstellar?

                    4. Because we’re above them so much they don’t deserve our notice. Which will piss them off even more.

          2. .1c at turnover?

            That shouldnt be too hard, but I would have to do the math.

            1. I was thinking an average speed of 0.1c. But let’s not quibble.

        2. Son, a bunch of vitamins and holistic quackery won’t help us reach another star.

          1. +1 MegaMan

          2. You obviously have never smoked the shit my holistic quack peddles.

      2. Big Motherfucking Laser propulsion will get it there, but how to slow it down?


        2. Deploy a space parachute.

          1. That’s basically what a magnetic sail is.

        3. Put an old person behind the wheel.

        4. The centauris use their laser. Duh.

          1. Nah. The planet will stop it.

            1. The centauris use their laser.

              You mean the Kzin, right?

              1. I was thinking more Moties-New Scotland.

          2. And if they don’t have one, they’re too primitive to continue, so just initiate a massive flare in their sun.

      3. We’ve actually got several technologies that could expand on that quite a bit, we just havn’t had a mission to justify the cost of using them. We’ve already demonstrated Solar Sails and Ion propulsion engines, both of which would be capable of extended constant acceleration. In theory using just off the shelf technologies we could combine the 2, use the Solar Sail out to somewhere around the orbit of Pluto, then ditch that and turn on banks of ion thrusters. Realitically we should be able to keep that accelerating for at least 20 years or so and even with an acceleration of only 1/1000th of a gravity you’ll be going pretty damn fast by that point.

        Course you’d still be looking at a 100 year plus trip one way

        1. instead of getting the ship to go faster, how do we get life to go longer…suspended animation always works in the movies!

          1. Except when the cyro-tubes are controlled by homicidal computers.

            1. Don’t be ridiculous! That only happens when uncharted planets send out SOS signals, and we all know that never happens!

                  1. And the squirrels ate the ampersand in the link.

                    :::sigh::: Got to 21:12.

                    1. RRRRRUUUUUSSHHHHH!!

          2. Clearly none of you fuckers remember Event Horizon. In it, Sam Neill patiently explained that space can simply be folded, so that the distance between Point A and Point B becomes nil. Mr. Neill even took the time to illustrate this principle by drawing an A and a B at opposite ends of a sheet of paper then – you guessed it – folding it.

            1. I have it on good authority that it’s impossible for any point in the universe to be further than 6000 light years away.

              1. Lol, i hadn’t considered that angle of nuttery.

                1. Exactly, which is why we’re sitting here droning on about ion sails and freakin laser beams. The science is settled, people, and it involves none of that sorcery.

                2. All that crap about “invisible dark matter?” That’s just God’s not inconsiderable omnipresent weight in another dimension.

            2. So, we can use paper to get there. How far can we get on 4 reams?

              1. So, we can use paper to get there. How far can we get on 4 reams?

                Four reams should be enough to tear a hole in our universe and open a gateway to another dimension. A dimension of pure chaos. Pure evil.

                But I’d toss in a few extra loose sheets, just in case!

                1. Five reams to get back, since you’ll be flying against the jet stream.

                2. What if I used very thin crepes instead of paper, folded them, and ate them?

                  1. Then you’d be a Frenchie, Frenchie.

                    *spits on floor*

                    1. Oh, that’s a good point. How about a tortilla then?

            3. The mere act of so folding will actually get you where you want to go.

            4. Idea stolen from Heinlen’s “Starman Jones”.

            5. They are actually working on this, not jump drives like in Event Horizon but rather Star Trek style Warp Drives, really the big problem with that is the power system, if we could generate the energy we could probably have a working warp drive in less than 100 years.

          3. Well because at current levels of technology we’re not talking about sending a colony ship we’re talking about sending something the equivalent of Voyager, carrying sufficient oxygen water and food for even 1 passenger would make the ship too heavy to move with our available technologies.

            1. Given a sufficient power supply, both oxygen and water could be recycled and re-used indefinitely.

        2. You can keep using the solar sail even when it’s that far out, if you beam a concentrated light at it. Yup, like most things, this gets better with lasers.

          1. You can take your laser with you too.

          2. It’d be interesting to demonstrate tacking against the laser beam with a solar sail. If it works the way an aerodynamic sail does, one could get more acceleration that way than on the way out.

            But you have to rely on someone keeping the laser running for a few decades.

            1. But you have to rely on someone keeping the laser running for a few decades.

              That was the problem the Moties had.

              1. Well the moties did keep it running for like 40 years and their ship did make it with at least a portion of the crew alive, they just suicided when the MacArthur intercepted them.

      4. Even if we could travel at 150K (and we can’t) it would take us about 20,000 years.

        In other words, pointless.

        1. The Helios probes got up to 150K mph. And we’ve never really tried to go fast just for fastness’ sake. I bet we could get something up to 1 million mph or an appreciable fraction thereof without any kind of major technological breakthrough.

          That’s still too slow, of course, but this isn’t something we’ve actually tried to do yet, either.

          1. Yeah, we haven’t tried yet.

            1. For intrasystem travel, if we could get up to, say, 1 million mph, we could move around fairly quickly. Saturn, for instance, is between 800 million and 1 billion miles from Earth at any given time. If we could get a ship up to an average speed of 1 million mph, that’s a thousand hours to Saturn at its maximum distance.

              For unmanned vehicles, that’s not an insane leap from where we are now. For manned, well, that’s a lot of acceleration and that speed might create some dangers of its own if you run into anything. On the other hand, it would eliminate most of the concerns about long-duration spaceflight.

              1. Mars ranges from 35 to 250 million miles from Earth, so our hypothetical ship could do that trip in 35 to 250 hours. At its closest, we could send a ship there in less than two days, discounting acceleration and deceleration for the moment.

              2. I think that kind of acceleration is not achievable that easily. Part of why we could do such high speeds on interstellar missions are that the power requirements for those slower accelerations are so much easier.

                1. Right, an ion drive is out for anything fast in-system. But there are other options.

                  Really, even 250K mph would bring the inner system within easy reach.

                  What we really need more than anything is cheap access to orbit. If we can do that, the rest should follow.

      5. If you could manage a constant acceleration of .01g (0.1m/s^2) for 30 years you would reach a speed of over 300,000,000 MPH. At that speed you would need less than another 9 years to reach Alpha Centauri giving us a flyby probe in 40 years.

        We could actually do this with technology that is already past the prototype stage

        If you want the ship to reach there and stop you’re looking at a longer trip, probably around 65 years but still probably within our reach to launch in the near term future.

        1. Something tells me relativity is going to factor in here, and you haven’t taken that into account.

          1. That’s less than half the speed of light. No major relativistic effects at that speed.

            I’ll believe we can easily achieve such speeds when we do it. Lots of devils in the details.

    3. Uranus…home of the Suppository Peoples?

  3. Texas judge rules that high school cheerleaders can display Christian themed banners at football games until the issue goes to court next year.

    1. He just didn’t want their mothers to come after him.

    2. A question to Christians:

      Why do you think God/Jesus/Holy Spirit cares about your sporting events?

      1. Because did you see those 2 catches the Giants made against the Pats? The only possible explaination is God was jealous of Brady and worried he’d take his place.

        1. Why are you ascribing said event to any other deity than the one who made it possible, i.e. the all-mighty Thor?

          1. Thor is a cricket-lovin’ candy-ass!

            1. Hey, what’s wrong with cricket?

              1. It’s a game in which three people play and ten people watch. It’s like baseball with an extra helping of suck.

                1. Them fighting words.

                  1. Whacha gonna do? Sticky my wicket?

                    1. Watch out those crazy white robots are hell bent on destroying the cosmos. You don’t want to piss them off.

                    2. White robots don’t scare me.

                      White Martians on the other hand…

              2. “Hey, what’s wrong with cricket?”

                Making a game out of a xenocidal war is in such poor taste.

        2. The only possible explaination is God was jealous of Brady and worried he’d take his place.

          Brady was going to move from quarterback to Head Coach of the Pats?

      2. Metaphysics has nothing to do with culture war.

      3. You know, that’s actually a pretty easy one. In their holy book, they’re told by Jesus that not even a sparrow falls except as willed by God, and that God keeps count of the numbers of hairs on each individual’s head.

      4. Nope, but only God beats the sports book in Vegas.

      5. Why do you think God/Jesus/Holy Spirit cares about your sporting events?

        He likes hot cheerleaders.

  4. The anti-gay Defense of Marriage Act was slapped down as a violation of the right to equal protection by the Second Circuit Court of Appeals.

    Is anyone even defending it in court these days?

    1. Obama.

      When Barack Obama ran for President, he pledged to fully repeal the federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) ? a mean-spirited piece of legislation that Bill Clinton signed in 1996 for crass political reasons. Obama says it’s still his intent to do so, but has yet to follow up with any action. Meanwhile, the U.S. Justice Department filed a brief late last week defending a constitutional challenge to DOMA. The brief did not merely argue against the lawsuit on technical grounds such as the plaintiffs’ lack of standing, but advanced legal arguments that ? if pursued by the courts ? could greatly damage gay and lesbian rights. Most lawyers at the Justice Department who write these briefs are civil servants who cannot be replaced by a new President, and one of the authors was in fact a right-wing holdover from the Bush years. But Tony West, an Obama appointee and the brother-in-law of San Francisco District Attorney Kamala Harris, allowed it to be filed in court ? and his name appears on the front page. As Assistant Attorney General for the Civil Division, West may argue that he’s “just doing his job” ? i.e., defending existing federal law. But the Administration can use discretion in these lawsuits, making this unacceptable.

      1. Man I despise that guy.

        And then I listen to Romney talk and I hate him too. Both of them are just horrible slimy shitbirds.

        1. Careful, there are some inexplicable Romney zealots here.

          1. Name one.

              1. She’s dead, asshole.

            1. Tulpa.

      2. My god; you’re out of date.
        Obama stopped defending this law years ago, after the courts started knocking it down. Just happened to have a 2009 article laying around, huh?

        “President Obama has instructed the Justice Department to no longer defend the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act, or DOMA, the legal prohibition on federal recognition of same-sex marriages.” Link

        The only ones defending it are the House GOP; spent a million or so, so far. Chump change, but still.

    2. I’ll have to dig up the opinion, and see if it relies on the usual dodge of redefining marriage in order to hold that marriage should be redefined.

      1. A very quick read shows that it basically went off as a state’s rights opinion, holding that the definition of marriage is left to the states, and the feds have to honor the state’s definition.

        They rather neatly discard the “traditional” definition by pointing out that its the state’s definition that matters.

        I’ll have to study it a little more to figure out how this made this an equal protection case.

        1. They dont want to give the 10th amendment any power back?

  5. HuffPo commenter goes full retard and doesn’t understand the concept of false choices:

    In response to my saying that government should have no role whatsoever in contraception, he replies “And the church should” to which I pointed out that there are other options. It replies thusly:

    Because those that believe the government should have nothing to do with contraceptive care base that belief on religious doctrine. There is no other reason to express that view.

    And that is just one brand of crazy that occurred in that thread.

    1. You get what you deserve for wading into that cesspool of TEAM TARD.

      1. I agree. But sometimes it’s just too tempting to avoid.

        1. Just face up to the fact you’re a masochist and wade back in. You realize this makes you just like NutraSweet, right?

          1. *shudders*

            *whishpers in hush tones*


            1. Lulz are their own reward.

              1. We need to hang, Sug. Besides being a guy who generally hates other people, I can’t think of a single reason why. You can drink your nasty beer, and I’ll sit by and SHINE my shoes. Or SHINE the table or something.

      2. NKG is doing us a favor. Those of us who are not even close to completing our shelters need to be reminded that the tipping point for the Zombie Apocalypse is close at hand as a kick in the butt.

    2. Church or state, you have no other options! It’s not as though you can apply reason or logic to the issue, no siree!

      Some days, I wish I wasn’t a misanthrope. Thankfully, this isn’t one of them.

    3. I’m l3randon in the cesspool, and I am your 3rd fan. I like to wade in over there daily to see what crap they are spewing, and it is indeed hard to keep from calling out some of the more egregiously stupid comments which, sadly, come from the articles as often as the comments section.

    4. If you’re blueGrassTubb, then you should have responded to SmileAndActNice’s comment with a “What do you mean ‘you people’?”

      1. I had thought about it. Hard. But decided that would lower the bar even lower than she had already set it.

        And considering all of her presumptions are wrong, she was talking to some other “you people” anyways.

  6. San Antonio police officers responding to a call went to the wrong door and … shot the family dog.

    In the officer’s defense fuck you.

    1. I heard the dog was secretly a Muslim and was caught plotting to pee on a federal official so really they were just defending our freedoms

  7. Kids suspended for accidentally seeing pics of their teacher’s tits. Apparently, pressing the wrong button on her iPad was a violation of school rules. Or something. My foot would be up someone’s ass if this happened to my kid.

    1. The school district said it has taken action against the teacher, but refused to specify what action, only that she is still a member of the school staff.

      So the teacher TITS on her IPhone (two blatant signs of a dumbass), fails to properly secure the TITSing. exposing a minor to photos of her TITS, and she’s still on staff?

      Shouldn’t she be registering as a sex offender right now?

      1. That only works if the pic have DICKS.

        1. Well that’s not right. TITS are scientifically shown (by science) to have more influence on the minds of the youth than DIKS. If anything, showing TITS to a minor should be a capital offense, like in derka derka jihad land.

    2. Pics of the teacher or it didn’t happen.

    3. My foot would be up someone’s ass if this happened to my kid.

      Now I know apple makes easy to use products, but they definitely intentionally linked up to her unsecured phone and went browsing. I mean seriously, there is no way in hell that happened by pushing a button while in another app.

      1. Nah. I think she sync’ed her photo library accidentally. I did that upgrading from iOS4 to 5. I, uh, noticed because some delightful pics of an ex-gf showed up again in my photo library. The i-stuff all wants to upload all pics from all devices to a common library and share them. Which is great if your a 30-something married couple with a tame sex life. They should really have a “single people” setting. Do NOT share my pics across device until I tell it to.

        1. It’s not account specific?

          1. Most people have their devices sync’ed to one account. Otherwise you can’t shared paid apps across multiple devices. So yeah. Make sure you don’t autosync your pics if you have people in your life who shouldn’t see boobies that you have pics of.

            1. Ok, so you figure she synced into the school’s account to use their apps for free and then accidently autosynced her pics? But wouldn’t that go to all the ipads on the school account instead of just one?

  8. Who does he think he is? A union boss?

    Mitt Romney wants your vote. And if you’re a small business owner, he wants your employees’ votes as well and insists that there’s nothing wrong with giving them a little guidance this election cycle. On June 6, Romney led a conference call with support from the ?ber-conservative National Federation of Independent Business and — to cut to the chase — urged the bosses on the call to persuade their employees to vote for him in the upcoming election.

    (Parenthetically, I tried “an” in front of “union boss” and it sounded wrong. In fact most long “u” sounds wrong with an. I’d also write “a uvula”. Am I way off the grammar reservation here?)

    1. (Parenthetically, I tried “an” in front of “union boss” and it sounded wrong. In fact most long “u” sounds wrong with an. I’d also write “a uvula”. Am I way off the grammar reservation here?)

      No, you are not. It is the sound that governs, not the letter.

      1. And who governs the sound?

        1. Rick Perry, unfortunately.

          1. Neg. Christine Gregoire.

        2. Master Blaster.

        3. An historian, of course.

  9. Hmmmm… a shot across the bow?

    “Governor Romney’s argument is ‘we’re not fixed, so fire him and put me in.’ It is true, we’re not fixed,” [Bill] Clinton said at a campaign stop with Bruce Springsteen in Parma, Ohio. “When President Obama looked into the eyes of that man who said in the debate, ‘I had so much hope four years ago and I don’t now,’ I thought he was going to cry because he knows that it’s not fixed.”

    1. Clinton: Shank your enemies hard and your “allies” harder.

      I love Billy Jeff as a political animal. As a human being, he’s kind of a scumbag.

      1. Kind of?

    2. Hmmmm… a shot across the bow?

      Nope. Just a shifting to the tactic of pretending that Obama hasn’t been in control for 4 years. They want to still act as if he’s had no power at all. It’s an extension of the “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSCH!” tactic.

      Besides, just imagine the mess he’ll inherit if he’s re-elected.

    3. They’re really going all in with the “Romney is Satan, ignore that Obama has failed” strategy.

      1. Did they have any other choice whatsoever? Any?

    4. If Hillary resigns, she comes back home to Bill. If Barry loses, Hillary comes back home to Bill. But Bill really doesn’t like Barry and Bill is a loyal TEAM Blue man. So he’ll help Barry, but he’ll also slip one in on Barry at convenient moments.

      1. Bill is loyal to TEAM CLINTON, first, last, and always.

        Now, when TEAM BLUE and TEAM CLINTON align, Bill can give the impression of being a TEAM BLUE guy.

        When TEAM BLUE’s head honcho starts looking like a liability for TEAM CLINTON, the knives come out.

        1. However, Im not sure Bill considers Hillary part of TEAM CLINTON.

          1. She’s got the dirt on him. And him on her. It’s a relationship grounded in MAD.

  10. Gallup now has Romney leading Obama by seven points nationally among likely voters…

    No one gives a shit about nationally, Gallup. Where are they in Ohio, Florida, Virginia and (yes) Pennsylvania? The other states can all go fuck themselves with their solid, already decided colors.

    1. Actually it would be a very interesting case if Romney won the popular vote but lost the electoral vote, especially if it turned on a ridiculously close vote in a swing state.

      Gotta wonder how the lefties would handle that situation after all the crap they threw at Bush.

      I predict if it does happen you will see every major network do an exposee on just how important and critical the Electoral College is to our system of government.

      1. They will all hail Gore v Bush as what helped to save America.

      2. Dude, I’ve been waiting for that to happen since 2000. The best part is they will do it without the slightest embarrassment, whole hog.

        1. Oh yeah. And lots of sneering about how this time is different, and who cares how those rednecks vote anyways.

          1. Watching the TEAMs diametrically switch positions 180 degrees used to be frustrating but at this point it’s so predictable and utterly without integrity that it’s become dull and unexciting.

            We need them to achieve a new level of abject scumbaggery, something so depraved and conscienceless that it becomes exciting again. Hey, let’s everyone speculate on how the next level of depravity will be reached!

            I say they will excuse a TEAM member of a heinous crime, something really bad like leaving a girl to drown so that the person driving doesn’t get in any trouble.

            1. How about if some anti-gun politicians intentionally put a bunch of guns in the hands of a Mexican drug cartel?

              1. Dude, I was trying to be serious and was soliciting serious speculations. Way to be a dick, though.

                1. OK, how about this? What if an anti-war president is elected, but he then triples the number of troops in one war zone while starting a whole new war in another?

                  1. Please….it would take something like executing two American citizens without anything resembling due process.

                  2. Or, or, a president could get elected propounding a humble foreign policy, then he could invade and occupy all sorts of shitholes?

              2. No ya’ll are just bein’ silly. Nothing like that would ever happen!

                1. So you guys are just being dicks and have no real suggestions. Whatever, we all know the TEAMs have reached the limits of their depravity and can’t go any further. Right?

                  1. Yes, certainly. James Cameron raised the bar a few weeks ago, so all that depravity will so be just a bad memory.

            2. Maybe they don’t call 911 when their friend OD’s?

              1. I refuse to believe that either Team has reached full depravity or that such a thing even exists.

            3. How about a former governor best known for creating a mandatory health insurance plan runs on a campaign to repeal a mandatory health insurance plan.

              Nah… now I’m just getting into the absurd.

              1. No, it has to be something believable.

                1. maybe a bunch of Americans will get killed in a planned attack, but it’ll be blamed on a video and the guy who made the film will be arrested while those who did the killing walk away.

            4. We need them to achieve a new level of abject scumbaggery, something so depraved and conscienceless that it becomes exciting again. Hey, let’s everyone speculate on how the next level of depravity will be reached!

              Adopting online speech laws like the other countries. Either that or a takeover of The Intertoobz and digital media under those types of rationale.

              As far as sheer depravity, I dunno, Epi. I think we have hit Peak Depravity from politicians a long time ago, we just don’t hear about it.

              1. As far as sheer depravity, I dunno, Epi. I think we have hit Peak Depravity from politicians a long time ago, we just don’t hear about it.

                With the way they go after whistle-blowers now, this would not be suprising.

            5. something so depraved and conscienceless

              Pics of Pelosi giving Boehner a BJ. Which would lead to the exposure of the evermore expansive secret bipartisan COC (Congressional Orgy Caucus).

              1. That’s more tasteless than conscienceless.

            6. Hey, let’s everyone speculate on how the next level of depravity will be reached!

              A tie in the EC and it gets thrown into the House, which is controlled by GOP states.

              1. Or better yet, Obama “wins” the EC vote 269-266-3, and Romney wins in the House.

                1. Science, Rob, that would be fucking epic!

        2. It’s The Team? all the way.

      3. Hey, I already raised this idea in the regulation thread!

        1. Suki, can we get a ruling?

          1. Realdolls can’t give rulings, sage.

            1. Well, what if your boner is 12 inches? They could probably give you a ruler then.

              1. I shudder to think what you would do with that ruler. Involving your pee hole.

    2. On the RealClearPolitics site today, they had Romney ahead in electoral votes as well, though neither had the 280 required to win.

    3. The gallup poll question that keeps getting reported gives the respondent a purely binary choice. No room for “neither of those assholez” or “Gary Johnson.”

    4. Colorado is already decided? Then why do I see more political commercials than beer commercials during football games? THAT IS NOT RIGHT!!!

  11. “guess who is leading by a lot in the deep South”


    1. Richard Petty?

    2. The Houston Texans and the Atlanta Falcons?

    1. The supposed “comedienne” from Jezebel. whats her name?

      1. Ooh, ooh. Lindy West it is!

      2. Lindy West.

        Please…please…please name it Lindy West.

        Then post a youtube video when she gets slaughtered.

          1. Great! And make sure you don’t waste the intestines and innards like these guys.

            1. Screencap: “And I thought they smelled bad on the outside.”

        1. Jesus. The resemblance is striking.

      3. We also have two piglets coming as soon as they’re weaned in 3 weeks. Both are females, so we’ll have to come up with names for them as well.

          1. I said they were both female. Can’t you read?

            1. Dave Weigel and Andrew Sullivan?

        1. Piglets are insanely cute. We just saw some at a farm we went to with our youngest daughter.

          1. And one day they will taste fucking great.

            1. They taste fine from day 1.

            2. Unlike Maddow and Pelosi.

              1. *BARF!*

                How fish (appropriately named given the nature of the comment) would you know how geriatric and manly tuna taste?

              2. Ow! I need some new nasal passages where the milk burned them.

                Note to self: don’t drink milk while reading HyR comments.

          2. Piglets are insanely cute.

            And especially charming!

        2. I think you should name one of the piglets Ms. Moham9f 9d b2 35 33 d4 04 e5 be 67

          [For more information please contact:
          U.S. Department of Justice
          10th Constitution Ave., NW
          Criminal Division, (Computer Crime Intellectual Property Section)
          John C. Keeney Building, Suite 600
          Washington, DC 20530]

            1. I guess you could name one Redacted.

            2. Well, I guess I’m not going to win the future anytime soon.

              1. Did you do that as a joke, HM?

                1. The scary thing is that you guys have to ask.

                  We are so fucked.

                  1. Sorry, Mewhommodans are testy lot, and it looked pretty darn convincing. It also doesn’t help with all the cheer leading emanating from both the WH and the State Dept.

                    Not to mention all the free speech posts about “cyber-thought-crime” and such so prevalent in EUR and CAN (so far UKR appears to be relatively immune to this, but some YooToob content is blocked there.)

          1. That’s some crazy shit right there. We’ve decided to go with “The Kagan” and “Attorney General Janet Reno, Esquire”. We are assuming, obviously, that their cuteness will wear off rapidly.

            1. The cuteness will wear off rapidly, otherwise, children would be perennially adorable.

              Cats, however, never suffer from this problem. -))))

          2. Oh man, that is fucking hysterical.

        3. A nice list of potential names here:


          1. FTA: Aisha was six or seven years old when betrothed to Muhammad.[11][15][16] Traditional sources state that she stayed in her parents’ home until the age of nine when the marriage was consummated with Muhammad, then 53, in Medina,[16][17][18][19] with the single exception of al-Tabari, who records that she was ten.

            Stay classy, prophet. At least here, it’ll cost you your school teaching job and NFL cheerleader gig.

            1. It’ll at least cost you your cheerleading job. Unions rules differ in different districts as to how easy it is to fire a child molesting teacher.

    2. Coulter?

    3. I would go with “Bacon” and “Bacon Jr.”

      1. I am partial to the name “Kevin” for pigs.

        1. How about dunphy1 and dunphy2

          1. Speaking of which, was he in any way affiliated with the South Park episode last night? He is a native, after all.

            1. “Native” just doesn’t convey the fact that Dunphy invented Hawaii.

  12. Obama debate coach and advisor named Mao Zedong as her favorite political philosopher (along with Mother Teresea).

    1. That’s old news…

      or so I thought. Maybe I was thinking of someone else?

    2. That’s old news.

      Though it explains where they got the campaign slogan “Forward.”

      1. “Forward” with Great Leaps!

    3. Old news. Very old.

    4. Old news. Video of her with drymouth available upon request.

  13. As a courtesy to everyone in the Bigorati Pick’em League who may not read the board over there: From here on out I’m picking Eli and the NYG to win every game. At least this way when he fucks me for the 7-16th time, he’ll suffer as well.

    1. Did you miss again this week?

      1. Ah, I see you, along with basically everyone, did. If it makes you feel better you still had 1 better than me this week. What a god awful weekend for me.

    2. I just want everyone who is losing to me to know that your well researched picks are losing to my random guesses.

      1. That’s how it works, dammit. You probably kick ass during March Madness pools, too, right?

        1. Forget that, I want to know Banjos ability to pick stocks!

      2. I don’t really do any research, just the normal amount of football watching I normally would. I checked one game’s injury report when it was a toss up, but that’s it.

  14. Wow nice throwback Civ reference in the alt text

    1. It’s a shoutout to the game Alpha Centauri

      1. Never played AC, but Master of Orion II was a great game.

        1. Never played AC


          You need to get your ass on Good Old stat and rectify that.

          I play that game to this day.

          1. It is indeed amazing.

          2. Thanks for the link. That site is amazing. And I just bought the old Baldur’s Gate. My wife hates you now. But my future divorce lawyer and I thank you.

          3. Ooooh…they have Caesar III!

            1. One of my favs.

            2. You’re a Caesar fan? I bought all the games in the city building series.

              1. I played it on Gametap once upon a time, but I got sick of paying monthly. I be downloadin’ it now.

              2. I only ever got as far as Valencia on the non-war track, though (never played the war track). I was so pleased to have beaten Lugdunum, though. The first time I played that city, everyone got eaten by wolves.

                1. I can’t remember now. I’ll have to buy it and play again. Its been 15 years and several build shit up games ago.

  15. Two idiots involved in road rage incident. DA inexplicably chooses not to press charges. Perhaps it’s because one of the idiots was a cop.

    1. Ah yes, discharging a gun at a person who just attempted vehicular homicide by running over your motorcycle with you on it is unreasonable!

      Sommerville, 29, was accused of firing several shots at the tires of a Nissan truck driven by Parker, a detention deputy who was 25 at the time. Sommerville, who at the time had a concealed weapons permit, was on a motorcycle.

      Parker, whose girlfriend and infant son were in the truck, was accused of swerving into Sommerville’s lane before colliding with his motorcycle.

  16. “The anti-gay Defense of Marriage Act was slapped down as a violation of the right to equal protection by the Second Circuit Court of Appeals.”

    No, the 2nd Circuit declared Section 3, the federal definition of marriage, invalid. In states with a same-sex definition of marriage, the feds now have to recognize those marriages for the purpose of federal benefits (tax breaks, etc., etc.).

    The parts of the law still standing say that a state with SSM cannot force its definition on other states.

    1. Opinion here:…..te_opn.pdf

  17. Being a heartless libertarian, I was rooting for failure.

  18. Gary Bettman flat out refuses NHLPA counter-offer.
    “We’re not even speaking the same language”.

    Maybe if he learned French?

    1. Swedish? We have a lot of those in Detroy-it on the Wings…

    2. BWA HA HA HA!

      French?! Pah-tooey!

    3. Bettman is a douche. That is all.

  19. DC Cop can’t decide whether he wants to be Hugh Grant or Lorenzo Gilyard. Either way, DC is safer now that he’s off the streets and going to trial for attempted murder.

    1. “The two people who had been in the store then met up with others and drove off in a mint-green Chrysler 300, court documents say.

      A felony offense in it’s own right. Chrysler…just go away….please.


      2. Oh, I’m pretty sure that was an aftermarket paint job. By the way, whatever happened to classic pimp cars? They used to be a whole lot cooler than the 300’s or the Escalades of today.

        Exhibit A.


        this display of trucknutz is worthy of respect.

    2. They’re actually putting a cop on trial for attempted murder??

  20. Gallup now has Romney leading Obama by seven points nationally among likely voters, though that doesn’t necessarily address big regional variations (guess who is leading by a lot in the deep South).

    Sounds to me like someone is desperately trying to rationalize.

    Gallup is a professional and well-respected polling organization; one of the oldest in the country in fact. They have been at this a long time. You honestly don’t think that they know how to do proper methodology in order to prevent one region from dominating a particular sample? Please.

    1. You know who else did well in the Deeeeeeep South?….

      1. Jimmy Carter?

        1. El Cid?

      2. Sherman?

        1. Yeah that was pretty good.

      3. Bandit?

    2. I think he’s refering to the fact that if Obama wins the swing states then he wins the Electoral College.

      That said a 7 point lead is quite big and I don’t think such a gap can save enough swing states. Benjamin Harrison and George W. Bush lost the popular vote narrowly. Oh and Rutherford Hayes only lost the popular vote by 3 points.

  21. Lost ANOTHER comment and had to log in again.

    That’s it. No contribution to the Reason this year. Fuck you. Fix H’n’R or you can just get all your contributions from Big Bird from here on out.

  22. We need to pay for the War on Drugs via our taxes AND our health insurance premiums.

    [Kentucky] State regulators said this week they’re working with private insurance companies and Medicaid managers to make sure health insurance plans help cover the cost of urine tests required under House Bill 1, the so-called “pill mill bill.”

  23. What’s the fastest we’ve gotten a probe–150,000 mph or so? I think we’d better improve upon that dramatically or there’s no point in launching one.

    It would make no sense to send one now, because faster and faster probes would be developed, each of which would get there faster than the ones previously launched.

    Until you get one that can travel at a significant fraction of the speed of light, best to wait.

    1. Hey! If Al Gore had that attitude, we wouldn’t be communicating with each other on a series of tubes!

      “A journey of 1000 miles begins with a single nose to the grindstone!”

      Who’s with me? Come on! Let’s goooooo!!

      1. Excelsior!

      2. **EXCELSIOR!**

      3. If Al Gore got his way, there would be about a dozen servers on the entire planet.

  24. Governor Romney’s argument is, we’re not fixed, so fire him and put me in,” said Clinton. “It is true we’re not fixed. When President Obama looked into the eyes of that man who said in the debate, I had so much hope four years ago and I don’t now, I thought he was going to cry. Because he knows that it’s not fixed.”…..54893.html

    Damn does Clinton know how to kick someone in the nuts.

    1. I have to admit, he still knows how to turn a phrase.

      1. That is just brutal to Obama. He is killing him out there while still claiming to be a loyal soldier. And there is not a damned thing Obama can do about it.

        1. As I said upthread, the only thing worse than having Billy Jeff as an enemy is thinking he’s a loyal ally.

  25. Victim of Colorado theater shooting speaks out against guns

    Thinks law abiding citizens owning guns does very little to stop crime.

    1. That’s actually true so long as the law-abiding citizens aren’t allowed to take their guns to the places where the crimes occur.

    2. Dude’s just pissed no one has passed “Stephen’s Law” yet. Or do you only get one of those if you die?

      1. Those eponymous statutes are granted when the victim assumes room temperature.

        1. What about the Brady Bill?

        2. What if you keep your thermostat at 98.7?

    3. The very people who tell me I should carry a gun to stop shootings refuse to entertain even the most basic measures to prevent those shootings from happening in the first place.

      So how exactly is the great and magical background check supposed to prevent a man with no criminal record or history of violence, from getting a firearm, or several, and shooting up a movie theater? Because that’s what happened.

      Down off the cross, return to your life, quit shilling.

      1. Down off the cross, return to your life, quit shilling.

        But how else is a talentless loser supposed to get their 15 minutes of fame? It’s not like he’s Paris Hilton and can rely on his daddy’s fortune and a sex tape to get famous.

      2. So how exactly is the great and magical background check supposed to prevent a man with no criminal record or history of violence, from getting a firearm, or several, and shooting up a movie theater?

        A few more laws oughta do it.

  26. I have approximately 58,625 years before a probe can reach Alpha Centauri, assuming an average velocity of 50,000 mph. Tack on another 4.24 years before a signal from the star system could be received by Earth.

    1. You might want to increase that speed a bit. I don’t have my Orbital Mechanics book with me, and unfortunately I can’t remember how to calculate escape velocity off the top of my head, but that sounds a little low for solar escape velocity. Or maybe not, Voyager 1’s current velocity relative to the sun is 38,127 mph, and Voyager 2’s is 34,537 mph.

      1. Look, we’re gonna have to figure out how to put a man on the moon (again) before we can try any of that shit.

        1. I doubt we can figure out how to do that again.

          1. I hear we’re less than 20 years away.

            Seriously, who else does it piss off that we can’t develop the tech with computers to do something we managed with slide rules and reams of paper over 40 years ago? It’s like Idiocracy was a documentary from the future.

            1. We could do it again tommorrow if we wanted. The difference between now and then is safety. Back then we were willing to take a few risks with the life of your favorite mailbox owner. Today, they want it 99% safe before anyone’s allowed to fly, and they don’t care of that costs 5 trillion.

              1. Unfortunatly, ^this^. NASA is a bunch of whiney safety obsessed pussies now. Of course it doesn’t help that back then they had the political support of the vast majority of the country. Now anytime an accident occurs like Challenger or Columbia you get the obligatory “why are we wasting money on this* when there’s so many problems to solve on Earf!!11!!!!1!!” idiots.

                *You could argue that space travel, or at least the routine business of shuttling astronauts to/ from the ISS should be privatized, and I’d agree, but that’s a different argument.

                1. Actually, its the right argument, as the next moon landing will be private.

              2. We could do it again tommorrow if we wanted.

                Really? with what vehicle?

                1. Well, tomorrow is fast, but if we still manufactured Saturn Vs, SpaceX could throw together a capsule with modern avionics (astronomics?) in less than a year.

      2. At that speed it would only take about 71k years. sounds great c.c

  27. We are ever closer to my dream outcome: big electoral college vote one way and big popular vote the other. Go Go Gadget Legitimacy Crisis!

    1. I’ve got it. Take this map and give Romney Virginia, Iowa and Nevada. 269-269, assuming a district in Maine doesn’t go his way. Then it goes to the house, where each state’s delegation gets one vote. Romney would win that most likely. The fun would be if Team Blue holds the Senate, who would be tasked with choosing the VP.

      Anyone want to see a Romney/Biden administration? How about a Romney/Obama admin? That would be fucking awesome.

      1. It would be like that episode of the Munsters where Herman and Grandpa had a big fight and divided the house in two by painting a fat white line down the middle.

        1. Don’t you mean that Happy Days episode where Ralph Malph and Potsie Webber did the same in their college apartment?

          1. I thought it was Three’s Company.

          2. They did it on Saved By the Bell:The College Years, too. And every other sitcom from 1965-1995. Kinda surprised Friends didn’t work it in somehow.

      2. Goddamn that would be fun. They wouldn’t get any bullshit legislation passed for months.

      3. Senate can only choose from amongst top 2 vote getters for VP slot, so Romney/Obama isnt an option.

        1. Besides, Andrew Sullivan would just suicide-bomb Romney within a week or two.

          1. Not if Paul Ryan promises to appoint Sarah Palin as his veep in anything happens to Romney.

    2. That’s it. We have to tuck tail between our legs and go back to British Monarchy and admit our republican experiment failed.

      Canadians are going to act very smugly when this happens, but I don’t blame them.

      1. Act smugly, because in a particular election the federal legislative body decides on the chief executive? The Canadian Parliament does this all the time.

        I don’t know the “popular vote totals” of the various Canadian parties, but I wouldn’t be surprised if sometimes the Parliamentary majority goes to a party with a popular minority – perhaps even short of a plurality – and the winning party gets to select the executive anyway.

        So they can go back to their maple syrup farms and take their smugness with them.

        1. Wait, you were replying to the electoral v. popular scenario. Same basic response.

        2. I don’t know the “popular vote totals” of the various Canadian parties, but I wouldn’t be surprised if sometimes the Parliamentary majority goes to a party with a popular minority – perhaps even short of a plurality – and the winning party gets to select the executive anyway.

          It has happened once in 1896.

          In 1957 and 1979 the party with fewer votes won more seats but not a majority. In the latter election the winning party fell just short of a majority despite a 5 percent margin. In both of these elections this was because the Liberals racked up huge majorities in Quebec but the Conservatives racked up narrow wins in Ontario.

          1. In terms of popular vote the only times a party has won a majority of the popular vote since WWI was in 1940, 1958 and 1984.

  28. In terms of space travel and colonizing other planets, I think we really need to move beyond conventional rocket propulsion. This may sound crazy, but I really do think we need something like or beyond warp, not mass accelerating force. To clarify I mean something along the lines of bending space, much like how gravity can, so that we move without actually overcoming the inertia of our mass but pulling space around us.

    1. You should send a letter to your nearest physics department.

  29. Dunno much about the Free State project (though interested), when I came across this today:

    Dems Target State Rep Mark Warden, Free State Project Participant

    1. The outcome of this race could show whether conservative-leaning districts like this one are “in play” for New Hampshire Democrats, as well as whether the Free State Project’s unique brand of conservatism has staying power among normal New Hampshire voters.

      Hear that, libertarians? You’re all just a bunch of conservatives in denial! Get back to thumping your Bibles!

      1. The outcome of this race could show whether conservative-leaning districts like this one are “in play” for New Hampshire Democrats,

        The locusts have come.

  30. Greek police are skeeving out their co-citizens by developing close ties to the nativist, bigoted Golden Dawn party.

    This is not going to end well for anyone.

    1. Maybe there was a hidden meaning in the Nazi cosplay protests when Merkel visited..

    2. Ahh, the Golden Dawn will just degenerate into opium use and schism.

  31. WTF is wrong with Team Blue?

    Soup kitchen in Ryan photo op losing donors

    People are withholding donations because they let Paul Ryan have his picture taken doing dishes.

    1. And you’re surprised by this? The left isn’t compassionate. Sure they want to help the poor, but they sure as fuck don’t want it done with their own money if there are political points to score or rich people to rob.

      1. And what political philosophy supposedly doesnt care for others?

        1. Well, charity is collectivist, so I’m sure Suderman will run an article condemning Ryan’s act.

          1. How is charity collectivist?

            1. Dude, don’t even start. Suffice it to say that Tulpa is a real outside-the-box thinker.

    2. the Mahoning County St. Vincent De Paul Society is losing donors as a result of the photo.

      Tulpa, don’t you see? They’ve been tainted by being in contact with the Romney/Ryan/Rand/Koch/Hitler Axis of Evil. It’s not about feeding the poor and hungry. It’s about the purity of the TEAM Blue donor’s souls is at stake if they continue to give to a soup kitchen that would consort with one of the Anathema (Republicans).

    3. Party before people.

      It’s really that simple.

    4. At least Yahoo is still better than HuffPo. HuffPo’s headline was “Soup Kitchen in Trouble for Ryan Visit.”

  32. A little detail on the dog shooting:

    According to Morales, the officer said, “He trotted up to me after I turned the corner, came to my feet and I shot him.”

    Morales said the officer described how he told the pit bull to get back, and when he didn’t, he stepped back and fired his service revolver. However, the officer admitted to Morales the pit bull never growled at him.

    Naturally, the supervisor is looking into it, and we can confidently expect that nothing else will happen.

    1. Let me just say, as an owner, that if an adult pit bull decides to attack you, it will come full speed, you will be knocked down, and unless you hit the brain or spinal column, it will keep coming after you shoot.

      So there’s no question at all, in my mind, that this dog was not aggressive.

    2. the officer described how he told the pit bull to get back, and when he didn’t, he stepped back and fired his service revolver.

      We could avoid these tragedies from ever happening, if all LEOs received language training in all of the major breeds.

    3. Morales said the officer described how he told the pit bull to get back

      I’m shocked that didn’t work given pit bull’s well established ability to understand conversational English. /sarc

      1. Polish immigrants learned English just fine back in the 1910s. Why can’t dogs do it today?

        1. How do you stop a Polish cavalry charge?

          Stop the carousel.

          1. Panzers worked just fine in ’39.

  33. This was recently posted in the AM Links thread. laugh at your leisure:

    Dunphy (the real one)| 10.18.12 @ 2:35PM |#|?|filternamelinkcustom

    if you look over this thread and others, notice how many posts involve sarcasmic referencing me, parodying me, etc. heck, if you do a text search for “dunphy” you often will find my name in his posts more than total posts made by me. i don’t do this to him (this is a rare exception) because i am not a troll. trolls are as trolls do. note, JUST in this thread and in others.

    iow, sarcasmic, get a life. i’ll continue to post , not troll. you can continue to troll, but it just makes you look like an obsessed ridiculous shadow of a person

    trolling is lame. get over it

    reply to this

    1. I saw. I laughed then.

  34. Keep the stupid coming.

    Illegal to take free online courses in MI:
    Way to go Michigan

    1. Minnesota, not Michigan.

      1. reading comprehension is not my strong suit…they both start with M


    Al Gore’s former paper endorses Romney. The comments are delicious:

    Blaine Mcclister ? Subscribe ? Top Commenter ? Volunteer State
    Newspaper should not be endorsing anyone. They are supposed to be a non biased entity and report the news no matter who it makes look good or bad.

    They all pretty much boil down to “WAAAAAAHHH!!!”

    1. And this is just gold:

      Charisse Winters Kulp ? East Nashville High School
      Canceling my subscription.
      Reply ? 23 ? Like ? Follow Post ? 11 hours ago

      John Smith ? Top Commenter ? Works at CNC/Tool and Die
      Charisse Winters Kulp: “Canceling my subscription.”

      The tennessean shows it’s true color. RACIST! RACIST! RACIST!

      Obviously sarcasm, right? Later in that sub-thread:

      Jim Goldstein ? Subscribe ? Top Commenter ? University of Missouri?St. Louis
      Not sure if it’s racist or just plain ignorant.

      1. Perhaps we should introduce the Tennesseean comments section to our drinking game.

  36. Luh-loh: Mrs. Kim Jong Un hasn’t been seen in public for 40 days. Looks like the honeymoon, at the very least, is over.

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