Romney Rising, Surgical Strikes on Iran, Dead Drug Lord Disappears: P.M. Links


  • Get started on that treatment for "Weekend at Herbie's" right now.

    An average of polls gives Mitt Romney a slight lead over President Barack Obama for the first time in the race.

  • A joint U.S.-Israel surgical strike against Iran's uranium enrichment facilities is not out of the realm of possibility.
  • Mexican authorities claim to have killed Heriberto Lazcano, the founder of the brutal Los Zetas cartel, but then they lost his body.
  • The guy attempting to break the world sky-diving record (and the sound barrier (but hopefully not his neck and all of his bones)) had to cancel the effort today due to winds.
  • Taliban gunmen in Pakistan shot a 14-year-old girl in the head because she was "anti-Taliban and secular" and a supporter of women's rights. The girl survived the shooting (so far), and leaders have condemned the attack.
  • Big Bird just wants to be left alone: Sesame Workshop has asked the Obama campaign to stop using their footage in attack ads against Romney.
  • A government-subsidized plant that is supposed to build batteries for the Chevrolet Volt hasn't actually produced any batteries. It opened in July 2010.

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  1. An average of polls gives Mitt Romney a slight lead over President Barack Obama for the first time in the race.

    Finally, the country shows its racism.

    1. This actually gives me hope that maybe the country isn’t racist. If Obama gets reelected with this economy I am going to have to conclude we are.

      1. Hey, he did the best he could…for a black man…

        1. Well, you know, you have to adjust your expectations for affirmative action hires.

          1. No kidding. I think huge numbers of people will go into the voting booth thinking: “Well, I gave him a chance, but….”

  2. A government-subsidized plant that is supposed to build batteries for the Chevrolet Volt hasn’t actually produced any batteries.

    That’s okay, the Volt hasn’t actually produced any demand.

    1. Not so! Rent seekers everywhere are scrambling for a piece of the action.

      1. Will Volt owners melt down like Andrew Sullivan mourning Obama’s debate loss when GM is finally forced to give up on this dog of a car? All the recent ads for the Volt are reminiscent of a cult following.

          1. The Jezebel link:

            “Slut Dropping, and Other Ways College Teaches Kids to be Sexist Assholes.”

            I’m sure the hyper-feminized nature of the college classroom creates no backlash effect whatsoever.

            1. Also, I’m sure feminism had nothing to do with more girls “embracing their sexuality” by dressing a certain way and then getting too drunk to care if strangers pick them up at night.

    2. What we need is a refundable tax credit to spur some demand!

  3. Speaking of war, did I read correctly that NATO plans to back Turkey in the dispute with Syria? I could be wrong about this, but I believe the United States has some sort of relationship with NATO.

    1. Last night, McCain was saying we need to start doing everything in our power to support the Syrian rebels.

      1. So, war in Syria, bombing Iran, still in Afghanistan, drones over Pakistan and Yemen. Thank God the Republicans aren’t in the White House, because we might be at war or something.

        1. We might be at war AND HAVE SARAH PALIN ONE HEARTBEAT FROM THE PRESIDENCY!!!11111!!!111!!!!oneone!!!1!!

          1. It’s hard to imagine she could possibly be worse than the current dude.

          2. There are plenty of lefties that never stopped bitching and moaning about her even though she’s more or less irrelevant right now.

            1. Hell, they’re still bitching about Reagan.

            2. I think the uproar over Sarah Palin was to distract from the utter mediocrity of Obama’s choice for VP.

        2. If Obama loses, will he
          A: bomb the living fuck out of Syria and Iran just to give Mittens something to worry about, or
          B: resist all suggestions that he become militarily involved in Syria and Iran so that any future blood is on Mitt’s hands?

          1. Probably drone attacks on civilians.

      2. You know, for a guy that fought in a war and suffered horribly as a result, he’s awfully cavalier about sending other people off to the next one.

        1. He’s against torture and POWification.

          1. So…take no prisoners? Leave no witnesses, only corpses?

            1. If we blow shit up fast enough and totally defeat our enemies within a few days, no time for POWs and torture.

            2. Isn’t “take no prisoners” the Obama Doctrine?

              1. I don’t see any doctrine. . .at all.

          2. Shame all those people we’re fighting aren’t.

  4. So what are the predictions for the remaining presidential debates? There seem to be two schools of though here:

    1. The first debate served to expose Obama as an empty suit, bereft of any real ideas and useless without a teleprompter displaying things that other people wrote. That what we saw last week was the real Barack Obama, and anyone expecting (or hoping for) any significant improvement next time around is like expecting me to be bench-pressing 400 pounds one week from now. In other words, he’s proven himself incapable of defending his ideas against a man who turned out to be well-prepared, well-informed, and not the stammering ogre that Obama and his people assumed they’d be debating.

    2. Obama was simply caught flat-footed, having simply assumed that Romney would be a pushover; that’ll he’ll come out guns blazing next week, that the “real” Barack Obama – the “Yes we can!” Barack Obama – will back in his proper form.

    I was leaning toward the latter of the two, but then I read an incredible story like this that shows just how out of touch with reality Obama is that I’m not so sure.

    1. Number 1. Obama can’t take a punch.

    2. It’s more the former, but they’ll try some gimmick to “win” the next two debates. Probably trying to score gotchas on cultural issues. If they’re dumb, they’ll try to do that on civil liberties, which, of course, the administration has a horrible record on.

      1. If they’re dumb, they’ll try to do that on civil liberties, which, of course, the administration has a horrible record on.

        These two guys are in perfect unison on civil liberties, in that they are something your government should be able to take away on a whim.

        1. I agree, but Romney has the advantage of not having a record on the subject. He can move slightly away from “Fuck you” by just saying a few words. Obama can try that, but the facts get in the way, and Romney will likely be prepared for that gambit.

          1. I can’t help but think they’re close enough on the topic that it won’t even come up. Like it’s simply a given that the 4th Amendment is a silly relic from a bygone era.

            1. Probably. They win, we lose. Again.

              1. Probably. They win, we lose. Again.

                And that’s the inescapable truth. As much as we all enjoyed seeing Obama squeal, we realize that what’s around the corner is no better.

                1. We’ve been switching back and forth more in the last twenty years, which gives me some hope that there’s a significant and growing discontent with the status quo the two parties conspire to foist upon us. Maybe the likely switch back to the GOP and the nothing they do will get people to really think hard about continuing to allow this mass scam to continue.

                  1. Well, there are at least a few people in Congress who are libertarianish – Paul, Amash, and one who I forget. The Tea Party people are at least bone fide fiscal conservatives, if nothing else.

                    1. So, I figure after the Republicans fail in their next shot at power, we either go more limited government (not necessarily libertarian) or we go Nazi.

                  2. I think the only hope for “really thinking” will be for Gary Johnson to amass a big vote total. Ross Perot’s big total in 1992 got the GOP thinking
                    (at least for a little while.)

                    1. This time, that’s probably true. But 2016 or later might be a different story. The major parties aren’t solving any problems and may eventually get blamed for stuff.

                    2. 0.5% is not a big vote total.

      2. I agree with Pro L. here. Also, the idea has been floated that pro-Obama debate moderators might slip some questions to the Obama team before the remaining debates.

        1. Or a slight variation: pro-Obama debate moderator cuts off, corrects, interupts, etc., Romney to make him look worse, while constantly giving Obama the last word.

          Frankly, the President’s aides should already think of every possible foreign policy question he could be asked. Romney’s people probably have.

    3. Number 3.

      Massachusetts liberal Mitt Romney surprised Obama from his left.

    4. Wow. He seriously thought he won?

      1. There may be no fixing Obama. Who is going to tell him he lost? Who is going to get him to listen? And even if they do, what is he going to say?

        As much fun as it is to make fun of his cult like supporters, the fact is that his record is so bad, I am not sure anyone could have done any better in that debate.

        1. His only option that I see is to double-down on the bullshit. It’s way too late to pull a Bill Clinton and become a Republican.

          1. If he had done that two years ago, he would be up by 10 right now.

        2. Bushpigs had such a bad record the GOP won’t let them into their convention years later.

          23% approval rating in late 2008. Nixon was beloved in comparison.

          1. And Obama is less popular now that Bush was in 2004. Give him another four years and he will break Bush’s record. Actually as a partisan Republican I am hoping Obama wins. 2010 was the best medterm election in history. Think about what 2014 will be like with Obama still in there. 60 Senate votes here we come.

            1. I’m hoping Obama wins in 2012, because if he doesn’t, he might win in 2016 on the momentum of a Romnastic disaster.

              1. Doubtful. Cleveland is the only president who has managed two non-consecutive terms. Losing your reelection bid seems to pretty much kill any hopes for another term permanently.

                Besides, I don’t think he really wants it. He’s probably looking forward to being a former President, as it has most of the perks and none of the responsibility.

              2. No way. Obama had his chance. Plus, why would he want it? It’d be like trying to hard to get your old, difficult job back years after being fired, when you don’t need the money or the grief. He’ll do speeches and maybe get some cushy foundation gig.

          2. Serious question for Shriek: what is a “Bushpig”? You’re the only person I’ve ever seen use the term, and I have no idea what it’s supposed to refer to. Is it like a Heffalump?

            1. I make terms up to convey a phenomena – in this case leaders who devour copious amounts of public funds for their pet causes (war, pharmaceutical companies, contractors, lobbyists, political cronies, etc)

              1. So, you pulled it out of your ass…

                That area must be HUGE as much as you pull out of there.

              2. So basically a “Bushpig” is what the rest of us call a “politician”, such as a “Congressman” or a “President”.

                PS Phenomenon. Phenomena is plural.

              3. I make terms up to convey a phenomena – in this case leaders who devour copious amounts of public funds for their pet causes (war, pharmaceutical companies, contractors, lobbyists, political cronies, etc)

                And health care which will cost TRILLIONS? Science H. Logic, I am going to have to start saving your posts to show my children just how far in denial a human being can get.

                While both parties suck at pissing away public funds, it is basically the main theme of the Democrats. Your belief that the Turd Sandwich spends less than the Giant Douche is pure denial.

                Would McCain really have produced the steaming pile that ObamaCare is going to be? Oh, that’s right, you think it is some kind of market thing. How are you smart enough to post, or even survive?

              4. So the Bushpigs ended up at the Democrat Convention?

            2. It’s an arboreal aardvark. The aardvark that moved from the earth to the bush.

              1. I honestly thought it might be a reference to something like that. I should have expected less.

          3. And note how much Obama is campaigning for various Democrats around the country. Oh wait, he’s not doing that at all.

        3. Who is going to tell him he lost?


          1. Being there? Man,I hope he really is this delusional. That makes him perfect for his delusional supporters.

            1. Are you suggesting that Obama is actually some rich guy’s gardener?

              1. No, I’m suggesting that he’s Peter Sellers, dumbass.

                1. Well, then, he’s ineligible, as Sellers was a citizen of the UK. I’m not sure dead people can hold office in the U.S., either. Not anymore, anyway.

                  That said, if he’s really Sellers, then I’ll vote for him.

                2. I’ll just leave this here.

      2. Wow. He seriously thought he won?

        He’s arrogant enough, aloof enough, and far enough out of touch with reality that yeah, I can imagine him walking off that stage thinking he’d won. Almost like it was his right or something.

        1. You’d think he’d have known how he did as soon as he got a look at Michelle’s expression.

          1. Maybe she looks like that all the time.

    5. The Democrat said that Obama’s inner circle was dismayed at the ‘disaster’ and that he believed the central problem was that the President was so disdainful of Romney that he didn’t believe he needed to engage with him.

      Who would have thought that hubris would be his downfall? (Although I’m dubious that someone from Obama’s campaign leak this out.)

      1. Who would have thought that hubris would be his downfall?

        I remember the scene from Titanic where the 1st-class passengers were being escorted to the lifeboats as “a precaution.” One if the well-heeled women, seemed put out by the whole ordeal, and told the steward that she wanted tea in her stateroom when she returned. I think that’s precisely the same attitude that Obama and his people have.

        Or at least had before the debate.

    6. There’s also a fourth option: since it’s a town hall, the entire thing will be a bunch of sad sacks asking what the candidates will do for them. And Romney is Mr Meany-Pants Big-Bird-Hater.

      1. I can’t even imagine the wrangling that’s going on between the two campaigns trying to pack that room with ringers. After Obama’s shellacking, they’ve got to be thinking the right question asked by the right questioner could do terrible damage to Romney, or even potentially Obama.

        1. The problem is the classic one of policy beneficiaries being highly visible while the losers aren’t. “I’m in college. How would your policies help me avoid racking levels of debt?” “I’m a lady. How would your policies help me buy my Pills?” “I’m a senior on Medicare…”

          Oh that poor guy and his student loans, let’s forgive them–it will only cost a few bucks from everyone else in the room, you won’t even notice.

          It’s hard for me to really think of someone Mitt could say his policies would help. I guess if they find some small-business owner who is going to get on his tax breaks train…but that’s never as clear a game as “don’t worry honey, college will be free.”

          1. That’s why I’m thinking it’s the Obama campaign that is going to be trying to get people in there, and Romney’s that tries to keep them out (you know, demand people be randomly chosen, etc.), because Obama’s people have to be seeing that they have the advantage in this. And they badly need to recover from the last debate. And they’re dishonest hacks going up against other dishonest hacks, so of course there are going to be shenanigans.

            1. Yeah the only problem is I don’t see much upside for Romney. His best bet is probably randoms–but they’re not a great bet either. It’s not like he can pack the room with hedge fund managers or something.

              1. A town hall is all about gotchas, and that absolutely breaks for Obama. But you never know; Obama was so fucking weak in the last one and it’s not like they can slip in teleprompters for him.

                But’s that’s again why I think they will try and get some ringers in there.

                1. Thinking about it some more, I can see another potential advantage for Romney: Obama plays way more fast and loose with actual policy facts. He’s gotten so used to regurgitating the same old talking points, he says things like there are tax loopholes for shipping jobs overseas, and gives Romney his best moment of the night.

                  If Obama nicey-nices these questioners with some general, vague BS, and Romney is as prepared as he was the other night, he may just be able to get him on the facts.

                  1. I think that depending upon who asks the questions, there is a great upside for Romney here and you guys are greatly underestimating the potential for emotional questions.

                    “I am a single mother who just started a day care center. My understanding is that after I have more than X children under my care I must fill out form XYZ and follow regulation such and such”.

                    “I own a small roofing business who employs 35 people. How can I expand my business and create jobs when I do not know the future costs of Obamacare?”

                    “I manage a small dairy factory that employs 150 hard working Americans. In the last few years the USDA has increased our compliance costs over 50%.”

                    Etc, etc. It will be pure theater and the only question is if equal numbers of ringers are asked questions.

              2. Hedge fund managers are mostly for Obama.
                Even Bain Capital is backing him.


                  They are somewhat cooling to him now as Romney’s stock is rising


                    They’re “hedging” the election.

                2. Yeah, but they don’t personally want things from the government that will make sympathetic TV.

          2. Well, first off, Mitt and his crew are utter idiots for agreeing to a town-hall style debate.

            If it costs him, he has nobody but himself to blame.

            1. And for agreeing to a slate of liberal moderators.

          3. As I’ve said in previous threads, my response to this would be to have another person in the audience stand up, and tell the questioner, “Use the remaining 40 seconds of my time to tell that man why he should be forced to pay for your contraceptives/student loan/whatever.”

            1. Right. But what audience member is going to actually do that? They are all there for free shit for themselves.

              I’m not saying you are wrong about what should happen, of course.

      2. There’s also a fourth option: since it’s a town hall, the entire thing will be a bunch of sad sacks asking what the candidates will do for them. And Romney is Mr Meany-Pants Big-Bird-Hater.

        That’s a big a real threat for Romney.

        If it happens I’d love to see him offer personal help to the individuals –

        “I Know a guy with a business in your town looking for someone just like you, here’s his number, tell him Mitt sent you”.

        People eat up that kind of bullshit, doesn’t involve any policy proposals or government spending and Obama would be left with ….but, I’m going to tax that rich guy in yo name…

    7. Mittens didn’t even use the big guns. There is a lot of ammo left. FampersandF, ambassador dead after asking for more security and then the administration looking like buffoons apologizing for some video having nothing to do with it…

      Obama’s toast.

      1. Obama once again will be without a teleprompter.

    1. They’re just brainwashed by the Patrarchy! //Jezzie griefer

    2. Then there’s the friend who frequently cites a nagging feeling of humiliation that kicks in on public transport. “You see thirtysomething women on the Tube with no ring on their finger casting around looking for other women in the same position, and sometimes I have the petty urge to jump up and say: ‘Don’t judge me, I’m not like you, I’ve got children and a partner,’?” she says, with the grace to look shamefaced at the lack of charity in her emotions.

      Oh my christ jealousy is a killer. And yes, I say that as a sufferer.

    3. Well, duh. Being married has fucktons of advantages.

      Assuming you have a suitable mate, the ability to back each other up and make long-term plans is very soothing, and that’s beyond the happiness and comfort you get just from living with somebody you love.

  5. Canadian pin-up model becomes U.S. ‘resident alien of extraordinary ability’

    1. I wouldn’t call her extraordinary. But if you like red heads…

      1. But if you like red heads…

        Well, I had been going to pass up the link…

        1. Disappointed. It’s not even real red hair color, and it’s mixed with black. Plus I think she’s about to break in two.

    2. Heh, so we take your good beer AND what pretty women you have left up there. USA! USA!

      1. You’ll have to pry my Keith’s from my cold, dead hands

      2. What good beer?

        1. Unibroue? I mean, good effort Canada, but it’s not like we don’t already know how to make beer.

          1. Yeah, sometimes I forget to include Quebec in Canada.

            1. Well, that’s why they call themselves their own nation.

              Also, if by “Unibroue” you mean “Fin du monde”…fts.

              1. I guess this is as good a place as any to announce that the new fractional IPA from Lagunitas, called DayTime, sucks monkey ass. It’s the first ever miss from Lagunitas I’ve tasted. They’re still my favorite brewery, but shit, DayTime is foul. And weak. Fractional IPAs are stupid.

              2. I mean Fin du Monde, Maudite, Trois Pistoles, and Ephemere, all of which I enjoy on occasion and which are reasonably-priced as a variety pack at Trader Joe’s.

                1. I’ll give you some points for the ?ph?m?re, if grudgingly. Have you had the Blanche de Chambly?

                  1. No. Worthwhile?

                    Nice work on the accents, by the way. They even go both directions, in a manner that I will assume is correct.

                    1. Haha, it is. You should hear me say it, all Quebec-like.

                      I like the Blanche de Chambly quite a bit, but I am a big fan of wheat beers. It’s a pretty cloudy one, not very spicy. When I lived in Quebec, it was my top beer choice if Hoegaarden wasn’t available. Now it’s still up there, but I’m more likely to just go for the 312 since it’s so widely available.

            2. Fourquet Fourchette is amazing according to friends of mine that have been there. I haven’t been to Canada in ages (and the last time was Vancouver anyways) but I’d really love to hit it up eventually.

          2. Dieu de Ciel makes good beer as well.

    3. How does a burlesque entertainer prove they have “extradordinary ability” and whose job was it to confirm that?

      1. And where can I apply for that job?

  6. The girl survived the shooting (so far), and leaders have condemned the attack.

    Taliban leaders?

    1. Re: Fist of Etiquette,

      Taliban leaders?

      No, Lion’s Club leaders.

    2. Nope.

      The president and prime minister have led condemnation of the attack.


  7. Sesame Workshop is smart to jump out quickly on this. Their tax-exempt status could be threatened if they don’t, and, of course, if they allowed their brand to be used to market a Democrat, the likelihood of the GOP actually stripping PBS of funding would increase, I’m sure.

    1. PBS and NPR are just republican red meat targets and of course political hacks like Romney threaten them. It avoids having to talk about real, actual substantial cuts in government. Same reason Tom Coburn goes after pork and plays deaf whenever someone mentions social security, medicare and defense. Holy crap, don’t you dare be brave enough to talk about what really matters.

      1. No, I don’t expect PBS, NPR, NEA, or whatever culture-war funding crap they attack to be touched. Or anything of a more material nature.

        1. Seems the only reason to support Romney is just to see how much less you might be raped daily. Granted, you will be raped, but maybe only twice a day as opposed to 4 times.

          I hate them all.

          -Ron Swanson

  8. A joint U.S.-Israel surgical strike against Iran’s uranium enrichment facilities is not out of the realm of possibility.

    No one expects the joint U.S.-Israel surgical strike! Oh, wait, everybody does.

    1. That’s gota be the number 1 candidate for desperate last-minute October “surprise”, no?

      1. I have a hard time seeing how that would work in Obama’s favor, though.

  9. Girl expelled from school for being raped

    A teacher told the girl she had “tarnished the school’s image”, said Mr Sirait.

  10. Taliban gunmen in Pakistan shot a 14-year-old girl in the head because she was “anti-Taliban and secular” and a supporter of women’s rights.

    Proof that there are conservatives worse than ours.

    1. Proof that “conservative” means whatever Shriek wants it to mean, nothing more, nothing less.

    2. Maybe the Taliban should have followed Obama’s lead and killed her with a drone. When liberals want to kill innocent people they don’t mess around!

    3. And another one pulled straight from the ass…

      Do you seriously think you’re witty or something?

  11. Schoolgirl expelled for being raped:

    A teacher told the girl she had “tarnished the school’s image”, said Mr Sirait.

  12. Police: Naked Alabama student shot by cops was on LSD.

    Well that makes it totally okay, then. We all know LSD turns you in the Incredible Hulk.

    1. Investigators are trying to determine who provided Collar with LSD and could charge that person with murder, Cochran said. Cochran said the information about Collar taking the drug came from people who were with him at the concert.

      For fuck’s sake.

      1. Do you want justice or not?

      2. No double standards, Warty. NONE.


    2. he was naked, where did they think he was hiding the gun…oh nevermind.

    3. He said that the drug is more likely to have a mellowing effect, involving hallucinations such as “swirling colors, dancing hippies.”

    4. Collar wasn’t known as a troublemaker and had only two minor scrapes with the law, according to court records: a speeding ticket and a citation for being a minor in possession of three cigarettes in March. He paid a $25 fine for the tobacco possession.

      People under 21 should riot over how much liberty has been stolen from them.
      Per se DUI is bad enough but a fine for “tobacco possession”?

      1. Wait…they raised the age to buy cigarettes to 18?

        1. Fuck…to 21.

  13. The guy attempting to break the world sky-diving record … had to cancel the effort today…

    Because his pussy hurt. Wind. It’s wind all the way down!

    1. Presumably they were concerned about winds taking the balloon to far from the launch point and/or affecting the stability of the craft at launch.

  14. Pew Research Center finds that one-fifth of Americans are not religious.

    1. meaning 80% are?

    2. “Spiritual, not religious” is the new religion.

      1. Environmentalism is the new hip religion.

        1. Economic activity is the new original sin.

  15. Kyle Sandilands is about one chocolate thickshake away from life-threatening diabetes after gaining almost 30kg in six months,

    warning: Jabba like image.

    1. Uh, what?

      1. What is 134kg in real numbers?

        1. 268 lbs.

          1. Er…295 lbs. That .2 makes a big difference.

  16. Man arrested for getting a good deal on a truck at a dealership

    He did buy a Government Motors vehicle… probably had it coming.

    1. He was buying too low – he is a price gouger! Off with his head!

    2. When he didn’t return, the dealership continued to try to contact him before finally going to the police to report the SUV had been stolen. On June 15, three police officers arrested Sawyer in front of his Chesapeake, Va. home.

      I still don’t understand how he was arrested? Did the police investigate at all? Can I just claim someone has stolen something and automatically they toss the victim in cuffs? And I get away with it?

      1. Apparently, yes. Feel free to use this knowledge for your amusement.

      2. Re: Fist of Etiquette,

        I still don’t understand how he was arrested?

        Because they can.

        Anyway, the purchaser has a perfect civil case against the dealership for filing a false police report. You cannot say that he “stole” the truck if a) he paid for it what was agreed and b) he was given the FUCKING KEYS TO IT.

        1. Oh, I’d lump the cops in with the dealership. You arrested me on nothing more than the dealership’s word? Wrong fucking answer.

    3. He’s about to be the proud owner of a Government Motors dealership.

    4. I can’t imagine the ass-chewing the sales manager got on that one. He’s probably going to get blackballed throughout the entire regional dealership network as a result of that little mistake.

      1. I’m a little surprised he isn’t in jail. Apparently cops don’t mind if you waste their time, so long as they got to put someone in cuffs. Who knew?

  17. Mexican authorities claim to have killed Heriberto Lazcano, the founder of the brutal Los Zetas cartel, but then they lost his body.

    It was probably buried at sea so nobody would create a shrine for the guy.. or something.

    A government-subsidized plant that is supposed to build batteries for the Chevrolet Volt hasn’t actually produced any batteries. It opened in July 2010.

    “The demand is not there – we need battery stimulus!”

  18. ‘I hope I die before I get old,” wrote Pete Townshend in 1965. It turns out that the Rolling Stones don’t just refuse to get old ? they refuse to stop touring.

    But there’s a new twist: This tour will take into account the aging nature of the band, and of its fans. Indeed, the new tour, tentatively called the Steel Wheelchairs tour, was delayed because of technical and health issues involved in doing live events with such an old audience, and such old musicians. “This tour is different from others we’ve done,” the band’s promoter explained.

    How different? For openers, the Steel Wheelchairs tour will not be playing big stadiums, but smaller arenas and theaters. “Half our fans are dead, and the other half are on Medicare,” the Stones’ business manager explained. “They can’t fill up stadiums they way they used to. Heck, they can’t make it up the stairs the way they used to.”

    Dozens of other accommodations are being planned in order to make the experience “geezer friendly,” according to the tour spokesman. The concerts will begin at 5:00 p.m. sharp, with no opening acts, and there will be a half-dozen set breaks for naps and diaper changes.

    Gone are old Stones sponsors like Budweiser. New sponsors include the Scooter Store, Metamucil, and AARP. The tour is still negotiating with a prominent catheter maker and with the company that produces The Clapper.…..lee-habeeb

    1. BTW, has anyone seen the catheter ad where the guy says “these new catheters are self-lubricating right in the package” And by package he means your johnson and by lubricant he means your blood.

      1. I’m always more squicked out by the lady telling me I no longer have to reuse catheters.

      2. I watch the Dick Clark-era Pyramid episodes on GSN, and what I love are the ads from law firms inviting people to sue over bad medicines and medical implants. I don’t know where they get those stock photos from, but I find them incredibly funny.

    2. No one makes fun of BB King or Ray Charles, back when he was alive, for still playing. I don’t buy the idea that Rock and Roll is some kind of a youth freak show. It is music like any other kind of music. If you can still play, you can still play.

      1. Hell, Chuck Berry still plays live.

      2. “I don’t buy the idea that Rock and Roll is some kind of a youth freak show.”

        True, but I don’t RB ever sold itself as a youth freak show, Rock’n’Roll kinda did.

      3. Some acts are just about the music, and they can play until they die. Others rely in some part on the other parts of the stage act – let’s just say Mick Jagger wasn’t exactly helped by that belly shirt during the Super Bowl a while back.

    3. It took me a minute to realize this wasn’t real. Now I am disappointed.

      1. It’s a more detailed and recycled version of a joke from 1989. I’m not surprised a youngster such as yourself isn’t familiar with the original Steel Wheels tour, when that joke first appeared.

      2. I has been played.

  19. A joint U.S.-Israel surgical strike against Iran’s uranium enrichment facilities is not out of the realm of possibility.

    By “surgical” we mean to say “The target plus a few surrounding weddings and shindings.”

    1. Probably should avoid the nuclear and military installations, especially for weddings. Terrible photos.

  20. Dianne Feinstein wants the FTC to investigate the evil oil companies for price gouging during California’s record gasoline spike.

    Sounds like someone doesn’t understand the concept of supply and demand.

    1. Maybe they should investigate the EPA.

      1. or Diane Feinstein.

    2. Price fixing is anti free market.

      1. Re: Palin’s Buttwipe,

        Price fixing [sic] is anti free market.

        Thus spake the economics ignoramus.

        1. So says the 19th century goldbug relic.

          1. Re: Palin’s Buttwipe,

            So says the 19th century goldbug relic.

            Oh, rush me to the burn unit. You’re still woefully ignorant of economics – and logic, Buttwipe.

            Price fixing is a myth:

            “Ok, guys, so we agree that we’re going to charge this price, right?”
            “Yeah, sure buddy, whatever YOU say! You go ahead and charge that price, we’ll follow you!”

            You must have your room filled with stuffed unicorns and “Hello Kitty” dolls if you believe in “price fixing.”


            1. Not only that, but in cases where supply is interrupted (in California an entire oil refinery was taken out by a fire) prices rise to prevent people for exhausting supply. So instead of filling up your tank at $5.40, people will only fill it up half way or so.

              Fucking markets, how do they work?

              1. Different subject altogether.

    3. Sounds like someone doesn’t understand the concept of supply and demand.

      Yeah, like every single Democrat Party voter…ever.

      1. Case in point: Our friend Shrikey there.

    4. Sounds more like someone covering their ass before they get blamed for the problem.

    5. Gas is under $4 a gallon in New Mexico, Dianne–maybe you should look at your shitty state’s gasoline regs instead.

      1. They mentioned on the news here that CA has stricter regs on gas used in the summer and that there’s been a shortage of the stuff. The governor (Brown?) has requested that they open the reserves of the winter blend to bring prices down. Prices are going to spike when there’s a reduced supply, especially if your laws prevent supply from other regions from being introduced without first adding non-transportation costs. Let the prices get high, and they’ll eventually draw supply in- put in the additives- and equalize; elsewise, relaxing the regs are the easiest way to reduce the price.

        Pretty sure this is, like, Econ 101.

  21. Updated pick em standings. 4 people tied for 1st this week (first time that #1 split), resulting in not a lot of movement. Also, Brett once again messed up the Eli pick:

    Graham Gano’s Avengers …………..14.95
    Mike M …………………………………….. 13.83
    Fingerbang! …………………………….. 11.18
    Sloopy Super #1 Football Picks …. 10.75
    The Whiterun Guards ………………. 10.75
    Translucent Chum Will Suh You……9.76
    Rub Me Wrong Time …………………. 6.95
    Auric Demonocles ……………………. 6.68
    Falling Dutchmen …………………….. 6.5
    Jumbie …………………………………… 5.53
    Banjos Big Bouncy Bazoombas…. 5.51
    Brett’s coin flips ………………………. 5.43
    Robert Griffin III Card Monte ………. 5.38
    Broncos over Steelers ……………… 5.08
    calidissident ……………………………. 5.08
    Ghost’s Boasts ………………………. 3.75
    Stalker …………………………………… 1.2
    Citizen Nothing ………………………. 0.75
    Indiano Bianco ………………………. 0.5
    AppSt n da house ………………….. 0.43

  22. Just heard an ad for Elizabeth Warren claiming that Scott Brown is “attacking her family” and that she never “asked for or received privileges” because of her “heritage” (apparently she’s still claiming it?).

    1. There’s a little thing called a “DNA Test” that would end this controversy once and for all.

      Any bets as to why Lizzie hasn’t done it yet?

      1. Might prove she isn’t a human being.

      2. That’s a man, baby!

    2. Heritage for the blind, reminds you to be kind.

    3. She means her heritage as a carpetbagging douche nozzle.

    4. she never “asked for or received privileges” because of her “heritage”

      Easily proven by having Harvard release all her employment files.

      Oh, wait, she hasn’t asked them to? Huh.

      1. I am still waiting for the “no Massachusetts law license” thing to impact. I should think that would be a dealbreaker for lots of voters.

  23. Study shows that women prefer men with smooth, hairless bodies. The researchers have failed to determine why that is the case.

    1. Poor, poor Warty. But I guess with him, he doesn’t really care what they prefer anyway.

      1. I picture this guy as Warty.

        1. NEEDZ MOAR RAPE

    2. Thankfully my wife doesn’t.

        1. Someone needs to love the unevolved who aren’t fit for space travel.

    3. Tiger Tanaka: You know what it is about you that fascinates them, don’t you? It’s the hair on your chest. Japanese men all have beautiful bare skin.

      James Bond: Japanese proverb say, “Bird never make nest in bare tree.”

    4. Well there is a lot of fail there. I mean there’s a difference between a man with some hair on his chest and a man who looks like he’s covered in pubes. I think if you’re comparing a moderately hairy chested man to a hairless man, the former would probably be more attractive; however, very few women would pick pube man.

    5. Nice response: Speak for yourself. I cannot be doing with these modern METROSEXUAL men, whatever they are called, preening themselves and waxing and plucking their eyerbrows. Give me a bloke that looks like a bloke, the lived in face, hairy chest. Any bloke that spends more time on their appearence than a women, well what can you say.PONCIFIED!!!!

      – gertrude , bilston, United Kingdom, 09/10/2012 22:36

      1. Bet she’s a munter.

        1. I don’t doubt your skills, but I gotta know, how can you tell?

        2. What’s a munter?

    6. Some women need convicing otherwise:

  24. I just needs to check ya’ asshole: Milwaukee, WI edition.

    FTA: One officer put a gun to one man’s head and two officers held on to his arms as a different officer jammed his hand inside his anus, purportedly searching for evidence, according to the criminal complaint. Another man bled for several days as a result of one of the searches, it said.

    Stay classy, Milwaukee PD.

    1. Again, I ask, is there something about Policing that attracts frustrated, closeted homosexuals? Is it the uniform?

      1. Ask Dunphy.

      2. Ask Dunphy about his years in the tranny burlesque chicken circuit. I’m sure he had time to fit that in while earning that Masters in Psionics at Duke University’s Parapsychology Laboratory.

      3. They’re all ex-frat boys?

        Frats are always playing up each others’ butts.

    2. The level of retardation in the comments gave me diabetes. How do these people function?

  25. Yay! Hospital just updated Java on all computers and suddenly I can comment again. Looks like Java must have been the issue all along.

    “Reply to this” had just completed disappeared from each comment, as had the “leave a comment” section. Now everything is just like it is at home.

    Damn, I spent a lot of time working when I could have been posting. Time to get revenge on my employer.

  26. Unfortunately for Sesame Street, when you take government subsidies, you’re fair game. Sorry, Big Bird.

    1. But don’t you know that if Mitt is elected he’ll execute Big Bird on live television after his inaugral?

      1. I’d vote for him just for that.

  27. Poultry farmer demands right to slaughter own animals

    What a backwards world we live in when we have to petition for such a simple right as, you know, adding value to your own property.

    1. But ECOLI disease!

  28. To assure America that the real issues being debated in households across the country every night aren’t sidestepped by the candidates any longer, The Pizza Party is offering free pizza for life* to an official attendee who asks either of the participants the age-old burning question – Sausage or Pepperoni? – during the live telecast town hall format presidential debate on Oct. 16 at Hofstra University.

    1. What? That’s a stupid question, even for pizza.

      1. Duh. Both.


        Actually, it’s not a question, it’s a FACT.

        1. And we don’t know how Romney would answer. Clearly, Obama is, sadly, deep-dish, given his Chicagoness. I say sadly, because that taints my position.

          1. So if Romney came out for deep dish–which is not pizza–then no one would taint my position, and yours would be utterly tainted?


            1. I could be wrong about Obama. For instance, Mike Royko once claimed that thin crust was a Chicago pizza, too. Not to mention that Obama lies about everything, anyway.

              1. Sorry, ProL, you’re already tainted.


              2. I can confirm that we do actually have and consume both kinds. That sound you just heard is your sanity escaping through your earholes.

                1. Also, if Obama got pizza where I bet he did (and where I know he ate/eats), it’s really not that bad. Unless he got the deep dish.

                  1. Where did Obama get his pizza? I used to live in Chicago for schoolin’ purposes.

                    1. They are big fans of the Medici on 57th, and vice versa. The waitresses there wear pro-Kagan tshirts now. Do you know the place? Dude who used to own it (died not long ago) was a big woodworker or something, and they were selling crazy Obama gear like fancy cutting boards and shit. I was having brunch there once when the Secret Service busted in to give the place a once-over, but it was only Michelle on her way so we didn’t bother hanging around.

                    2. Your schoolin’ was not U of C-related then I take it? Hyde Park is such an insular place.

                    3. Medici does have good pizza. I used to eat a garbage pizza for lunch on occasion.

                      On a related note, and covered upthread: you like 312, nicole? Just remember that Obama said of it to some head of state, “I think you will find it outstanding.” If you have a soul at all, you will now gag at the sight of it.

                      And on that note, I noticed that the quality of Goose Island sold in stores has gone downhill since they got bought. The last batch of Harvest Ale sucked. Whatever is brewed on premises is still good though.

                2. I refuse to believe that Chicago thin-crust pizza is anything other than Pizza Hut.

                  1. I dunno, Mike Royko was a syndicated columnist–they’re never wrong, right?

  29. Georgia Man Speeds Down Interstate With Crying Girlfriend On Hood
    Police says incident is ‘outrageous’ case of domestic abuse

    Police arrested Jonathan Salas, of Duluth, Ga., once a group of fellow motorists finally managed to slow him down by boxing him in and gradually reducing speed. They said he reached speeds of 85 mph in the rain, while his girlfriend pleaded with him to stop.…..to00000020

    1. I’m hugely impressed that a (seemingly random) group of motorists managed to coordinate themselves well enough to box in and slow down somebody on a rainy highway. In all seriousness, wow.

    2. a group of fellow motorists finally managed to slow him down by boxing him in and gradually reducing speed.

      “Okay, we don’t need you to do that.”


  30. In an experiment apparently aimed at keeping down the cost of health-care reform, Orlando-based Darden Restaurants has stopped offering full-time schedules to many hourly workers in at least a few Olive Gardens, Red Lobsters and LongHorn Steakhouses.

    Darden said the test is taking place in “a select number” of restaurants in four markets, including Central Florida, but would not give details. The company said there has been no decision made about expanding it.

    In an emailed statement, Darden said staffing changes are “just one of the many things we are evaluating to help us address the cost implications health care reform will have on our business. There are still many unanswered questions regarding the health care regulations and we simply do not have enough information to make any decisions at this time.”

    Analysts say many other companies, including the White Castle hamburger chain, are considering employing fewer full-timers because of key features of the Affordable Care Act scheduled to go into effect in 2014. Under that law, large companies must provide affordable health insurance to employees working an average of at least 30 hours per week.…..5128.story

    1. Easy enough to do with high unemployment, too. Thanks, government!

      1. This is why we need Obama for four more years.

  31. STOP RESISTING: Sarasota, FL edition.

    Guy “fought back” so officer decided to punch him in the head 10 times before arresting him for…public intoxication. The other officers there happily stood around and watched the assault. No charges against the officer were filed. He’s on vacation suspended.

  32. Last one. Promise…

    Unhappy with President Barack Obama’s support of same-sex marriage, a group of African-American faith leaders have announced a campaign aimed at stripping 25 percent of the black vote that went to Obama in 2008 (95 percent).

    The newly formed nonprofit group, God Said, will begin targeting voters in Ohio, Virginia, North Carolina, Wisconsin and Florida with television and radio advertising, as well as a grassroots campaign to encourage people to consider the gospel when they enter the voting booth.

    “The black community is among the most religious in America and we are offended that President Obama has announced his support of same-sex marriage, that the NAACP has blindly supported the secular views of the Democratic Party, and that their national platform plainly supports same-sex marriage,” said Apostle Claver Kamau-Imani of, and a God Said founder, in a statement. “I am confident that this message will be well received and acted upon on Election Day.”…..z28q9qByyV

  33. Best headline of the year:

    Sealing the deal? Mila Kunis plants a kiss on Ashton Kutcher as actress is tipped for lead role in Fifty Shades Of Grey

    Spank, spank, spankity spank.

    1. Oh man, really? I always liked her. Ugh.

      1. Oh, you mean the dating Ashton Kutcher part. Yeah, that sucks.

        1. When did their actual life start to resemble That 70s Show?

          1. Probably when she was fifteen and he was thirty, or whatever the difference between his stage age and his real one actually is, and she got knocked up after a casual tryst. They’ve shared a most intimate and secret bond ever since.

          2. I can only speculate that it was something horrible like that due to her exceptionally bad taste in men.

            1. Look Killaz, before Ashton, she was with Macauley Culkin, who, no matter what has happened in the intervening time, is still the love of my six-year-old-heart’s life. AND SHE DUMPED HIM. BECAUSE HE WANTED TO GET MARRIED. If that isn’t terrible, I don’t know what is. Well, dating Ashton Kutcher is. (Full disclosure: my bf’s middle name is Ashton. I feel like I have to tell people this because it is that shameful.)

              But no, I was talking about 50 Shades, what a car wreck that thing is.

              1. The last thing I want to do is offend the six year old down deep in you, but I thought it was the fact Culkin couldn’t handle his drugs that turned her off.

                Hmm, you have a point in that her eyes aren’t nearly dead enough for my story to be the best explanation. You have epi and I as her biggest boosters on this board, seriously dead eyes would bring in the Sugarfree action.

                What could it be then?

                1. Is it possible Kutcher isn’t a complete douchebag? That we’ve been wrong about-


                  OK, guys, I tried. I almost spit it out.

                  1. Well, that is the story the Daily Mail told me about the Kunis/Culkin breakup, and I am sticking to it. I mean, do you really think his drug habits changed much over the eight years they were together?

                    But the Kutcher business doesn’t add up for me either. I mean, my best guess is that she was all young when they were playing a couple on the TV, and now she’s all nostalgic or something or just semi-brainwashed by this cute guy her 15-year-old self used to hang out with…ugh, I don’t know. NOTHING MAKES IT BETTER.

                  1. Well, the only thing better is the “Author Video” on Kitty Glitter’s page.

              2. “The Fifty Shades trilogy was developed from a Twilight fan fiction originally titled Master of the Universe and published episodically on fan-fiction websites under the pen name “Snowqueen’s Icedragon”. The piece featured characters named after Stephenie Meyer’s characters in Twilight, Edward Cullen and Bella Swan.”

                How could it not be a train wreck?

                1. Oh I am far too familiar with that thing. And it is, apparently, really terrible. Like, no question, one of the worst things ever published. Shame on Random House.

                  1. The only thing I know about it is there is a high probability Mila Kunis gets naked. Everything else about it is a distant, measured in light years, second.

  34. The guy attempting to break the world sky-diving record (and the sound barrier (but hopefully not his neck and all of his bones)) had to cancel the effort today due to winds.

    What, the jet stream moving faster than expected?

  35. Taliban gunmen in Pakistan shot a 14-year-old girl in the head because she was “anti-Taliban and secular” and a supporter of women’s rights. The girl survived the shooting (so far), and leaders have condemned the attack.

    Is Obama going to address the horrible, disgusting things this girl must have said which agitated the attack?

    Is Slate going to refer to the specter of Women’s Rights as being like a creepy old uncle you thought was cool in your youth, but now you find kind of embarrassing?

    1. No, they’re going to suggest that the Republicans were probably behind it.

  36. The girl survived the shooting (so far), and leaders have condemned the attack.

    *** rising intonation ***

    “Should have beheaded her.”

  37. According to the cop that shot him, the Army Reservist shot to death on the Grand Central Parkway was reaching quickly down for a gun. PoliceOne drones (all but one) ready to believe him without taking any other evidence into consideration.

    1. He was shot from the passenger window, and the passenger said she would have been hit if she was forward at all.
    2. If he “quickly reached down under his seat, his abdomen would not have been exposed as his right arm would have covered it (unless he was reaching straight down with both hands and the steering wheel would have prevented that).
    3. No other officers fired. Was he the only one that saw him “reach down quickly”? No officers have come forward to corroborate the story.
    4. The vehicles were unmarked. Would a sane person think “POLICE” when a black unmarked van opens up and a dozen armed men, many with long rifles aimed at him, pile out of it for a traffic stop?
    5. The off-duty (suspended) cop in the back of his car slept through the entire encounter. She was never awoken when the cops allegedly used the speaker to call for him to pull over?

    The whole case reeks of cover-up for a bad shoot. Of course, PoliceOne commentators don’t think so. (cont)

    1. (cont)
      Comment: And I have a problem with bringing the US Army into this incident. It is not related in anyway. I see a picture of the suspect in his army uniform. That’s wrong, unless he was in that uniform at the time of the incident. The media is always trying to paint everything the police does in a dark color. That little punk should’ve drive right, and then, if stopped by the police, he should’ve do what he was told. I got stopped by the police too in my life, and I didn’t get shot. The fact that he is a Reservist is not related to the case, and is irrelevant. If you consider yourself a military man, then act accordingly. Uphold the values and traditions of your military branch. Don’t be a jerk.

      These people can’t even write a coherent paragraph and they’re out there patrolling the streets.

      1. Oh fucking boo hoo. I wish I could live in this alternate universe where “the media is always trying to paint everything the police does in a dark color” rather than one where 98% of the time a news story on this type of stuff is obviously just the passive-voiced police report copied-and-pasted.

      2. He’s got a point. For instance, we show criminals in their cop uniforms all the time…

    2. And this guy: @uso131, they stopped the vehicle because thats what cops do. He was driving erratically, cutting in and out of traffic, its 5am, cut the unmarked vehicles off more than once, then refused to pull over DWI maybe? Doesnt your agency have unmarked cars that initiate car stops? As for gangs inpersonating cops we dont have those type of things go on in this area. At least not to the point that it effects how we police. You had 7 or 8 officers in uniform, wearing hvy vests with the words POLICE emblazoned on the front, some carrying long guns driving vehicles with lights and sirens. Not sure what else you would need. The female passenger in the front seat initially stated she told the driver to stop and he said no. Also the rear seat passenger is an NYPD officer on modified assignment ( no gun or shield ) because she was arrested for shoplifting a few months ago. The cordless drill was black in color and was wedged between the seat and console just like you might stash a pistol.

      None of that was from the linked article, so this guy is either making shit up to sound all badass or he’s illegally discussing an ongoing investigation. Fortunately one officer called him out for that.

  38. Guys, this couldn’t be saved for morning links. It was too pure, to good. If I am unable to tomorrow, please repost this in the morning links. This is the best thing ever.

    Funniest woman in the world, Lindy West, takes on study finding that Republican women are “prettier” (ie more feminine looking) than Democratic women. On Jezebel.

    I just… you read Jezebel, all the while feeling like you are being kicked in the balls. And then Scott Walker wins. Or Obama loses a debate. Or a study finds Republican women to be prettier. And for one, fleeting, perfect moment, it is all worth it.

    1. yvanehtnioj 6 hours ago
      It’s not unusual to hear men describe a woman as “hot,” regardless of her actual physical features, when all she’s really doing is fulfilling the tenets of stereotypical “hotness.” Makeup, perfume, plastic surgery, blow-outs, pearls?these things, in our culture, represent “pretty.” They represent “making an effort.”

      I call this look “compliant.” If a woman is doing all the things that the Patriarchy wants her to do (waxing tanning surgically-enhancing fasting bleaching straightening lengthening smiling agreeing showcasing teetering juvaderming lasering etc), even if it actually doesn’t add up to a particularly “pretty” package, there’s a big plurality of men out there who will declare her hot. Because she’s signalling that she’s compliant.

      Like how most of the RHOBH kind of look like cats if you take a step back, because they all go to the same plastic surgeon evidently, but they look like size 2 cats with giant boobs, dyed blonde hair, and deep tans, so they’re “hot.”

      1. So yeah, conservatives, you can keep your “hot.” I’m good. I’ll be over here, with my job and my brain and my personality and with this lady.

        I knew before clicking which woman she linked to.

        1. I didn’t, but I should have.

        2. So yeah, conservatives, you can keep your “hot.” I’m good. I’ll be over here, with my job and my brain and my personality and with this lady.

          Yeah? Well, I’ll keep my women like FloJo

      2. Pure. 24-carat. Gold. I will see to that this gets in morning links of you can’t get it there.

      3. Like how most of the RHOBH kind of look like cats i

        What the fuck is a “RHOBH”?

        1. Real Housewife of Beverly Hills

          1. Ahhh….

        2. In my experience, guys are not actually super-into this look…

          I mean, a bunch will fuck it. But haven’t they learned guys will fuck a lot of things?

      4. Oh, this is too, too, too perfect. DELICIOUS.

      5. Oh, it’s even more fun when they piss each other off. Half of them LOOOOOVE “compliant,” others, not so much:

        I meet a lot of these standards, but I’m certainly not conservative or “Compliant” – I’m just about as left as you can get. I understand there may be a parallel, but it’s definitely over-generalizing and that label, “Compliant”, really rubs me the wrong way.

        I view this type of maintenance as an art-form, so I’m not happy being told that I’m supporting patriarchy just because I want to look “hot/pretty” on my own terms.

        Sorry for cutting into your body-snarking fun. I’ll let you all get back to crapping on women’s decisions about how they maintain their looks now.

        I have to say “body-snarking,” though, is one of the most annoying terms ever.

        1. Compliant or not? You decide:

          Although I will say, are you sure it’s not societal pressure that would make you wax your back? Because I’m pretty sure it’s societal pressure that makes me think my moustache is unattractive.

          (She’s responding to a man, whence the back hair)

      6. What’s RHOBH?

        1. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

    2. One additional thing; modern conservatism has become uniquely tokenist, because of their preoccupation with playing identity politics. Like, let’s make a party platform that does nothing but line the pockets of the rich by inflaming lower class white men’s persecution complex, but let’s promote that platform with our Token Black, our Token Latino, and our Token Woman. If you watched the RNC, you saw basically a parody of this strategy.

      In all those cases, you need the token to read enough that it can motivate what you, in your tiny conservative brain, imagine is the identity politic unit of your particular subculture (let’s put up one brown guy and all the Latinos will like us and our border fence!), but also to reinforce the idea of whitebread superiority in your core audience, rich people and lower status white men. So your token Latino has to look like Ricky Ricardo and your token woman has to look like June Cleaver, or else you can’t sell the 50’s.

      1. Is there a pureness of gold beyond 24-carat?

      2. What planet are these people on? Holy shit.

        1. It’s called Planet Bitterness, and it has a tremendously strong gravitational pull. Once you’ve landed on it, you can never leave.

          The epic butthurt coming from those statements is astounding. They can’t even shake off one stupid study that says something basically meaningless? My god, they’re insecure beyond comprehension.

          1. Compare and contrast with the “studies” that show that libertarians are insane or evil or whatever those studies supposedly show. I don’t recall getting defensive. I do recall laughing. Which is what these psychos would do if they weren’t, well, psycho.

            1. Or just note that they are utterly superficial idiots who project it like mad on everyone else.

              1. Projection is America’s favorite pastime. It surpassed football and masturbation last year.

    3. Prefatory to any further comment, I will just say that I truly fear to click that link…

      1. cassiebearRAWR 6 hours ago
        Despite the successes of the feminist movement, the single most important criteria of how we judge a woman’s worth is still her physical appearance (the fact that we’re having this conversation at all is pretty indicative of that). And I would guess that the reason for the difference is that one party is actively working to break free of that mold, and the other one simply isn’t.

        It’s all one big self-fulfilling prophecy!

    4. I can’t tell if this comment is a joke:

      I wish that a similar study was done to pinpoint the physical characteristics of liberal men. Just when I think I have it figured out, I go and sleep with a Republican. (I thought that him being African American would exempt me from having to ask the question!)

      The beautiful thing is it might not be

      1. Nothing will ever be as good as that comment.

      2. Now that…that is GOLD.

      3. That can’t be real. That has to be some zen master of trolling sweeping in and exploiting the confusion there. Right?

        1. It’s the best possible comment in a world of perfect comments.

          1. Quick, ProL, take credit for it or something. Don’t let it go to waste!

            1. I wish I could. I think it might be real.

      4. Perfectardation.

      5. Oh, this is too perfect. It’s perfectarded.

      6. No way can that be genuine.

    5. Makeup, perfume, plastic surgery, blow-outs, pearls?these things, in our culture, represent “pretty.”

      What part of “determine which facial features and the spacing between them connote a more masculine or more feminine face” does any of this, other than perhaps plastic surgery, apply to?

    6. Conservative ladies don’t furrow their pretty little brows worrying about things that should be left to teh menz, like reproductive rights. Our lady brains turn us ugly the minute we so much as think of politics.

    7. Here’s a video of Ms. West eating Oreos, sadly the original Max Rebo soundtrack was not included.

      1. I may never eat again.

      2. So, is Lindy West just code speak for Land Whale?

    8. This must be what if felt like to be in California circa 1849:

      If you want to get into why this study found the results that it did, I think it’s important to remember that they’re looking at politicians, not “conservative women” as a whole. If they had simply looked at liberal vs conservative voters, they probably wouldn’t have found much difference. I don’t think this says anything inherent about “our women” vs. “their women” (eww). I think it’s simply the result of a combination of two characteristics of right-wingers:

      1) Their ideology is vapid, so it doesn’t take a whole lot of intelligence to be a “leader” of any right-wing community. Because of this, they have the luxury of choosing politicians based on looks rather than brains, integrity, or skill. Which brings me to…

      2) Their ideology is sexist (as you point out), so they’re more likely to find looks more important when voting for their female politicians. The mere existence of a woman who actually knows (and cares) what she’s doing is antithetical to right-wing ideology. Hence: Palin, Bachmann, etc.

      So to sum up, right-wingers will not vote for a woman unless she’s the stereotypical nonthreatening, air-headed, “well-behaved” beauty queen moron that they think all women should be, and it just so happens that Republicanism conveniently doesn’t require anything more than what such a person would have to offer anyway!


      1. The rest of it…

        Also, regarding the author’s theory on how Republican men are “philosophically” masculine: I just don’t get this. To me, Republicans look like nothing more than spineless, boss-worshipping suckups with a mortal fear of gays, women, and brown people. Try as I might, I can’t find anything “masculine” about this. I guess they’re “tougher on terrorism,” but a willingness to send your neighbor’s kid off to blow up Muslims isn’t really that tough either (and many US troops aren’t the conservative caricatures that the right-wing likes to pretend they are).

    9. Are they looking at conservative mouthpieces? Because looking at any Tea Party rally or “Obama is a Muslim” video on youtube and those gals ain’t looking too hot. And Republicans have been known to groom their mouthpieces for feminine attractiveness on purpose. 1) it doesn’t take any intelligence to be a Republican talking head. Kids can do it, and they do. 2) it will make horny, meth addled god’s country folk vote for the side with the eye candy, because lord knows there are is no eye candy in small town Arkansas and all the other contaminated drinking water areas they come from.

      1. All Republicans are ugly; all Republicans are dumb. All Republicans are racists; all Republicans are scum.

        Ah, the politics of tolerance, sweeping aside fifty million registered Republicans with the purity of total, unthinking bias.

        1. Not all of them Pro Lib; just the white guys.

          1. I thought all Republicans were white guys. Redneck white guys.

      2. See, it’s exactly THIS kind of stupid, shallow, self satisfied arrogance that Obama came into the debate with last week and enabled Romney to trounce him handily.

        No, Republicans don’t think, they are so unaware, so stupid, so gross, what could their candidate POSSIBLY say that would be convincing, or that Obama couldn’t handle?

    10. find me hot but hate that I am a liberal (independent, strong, etc.) I can argue like no other and I hate inequality. I can’t pretend to be someone who I am not, so I will take my intelligence, my hotness and be me.

      Yes, THAT is what men must hate about her.

    11. And one last one:

      Talking to a lot of women at the RNC this year, I remember several of them telling me something to the effect that THEY were the ones who are “pro women” and the Democrats are the ones who are “anti-woman.”

      Even though the Republican party platform redefines rape, restricts women’s rights over their bodies, and shits on working mothers, they’re POSITIVE that the GOP was “pro woman.”

      I realized after a bit that the difference between the sides is what we use to define “woman.” Conservatives believe that “woman” is “femininity” and that “femininity” is a natural and good expression of being biologically a “woman.” They think that “woman” is, like you mention, Lindy, WOMAN-ing. Having a fuckton of children. Wearing makeup and high heels and perfume and prioritizing being “slender” over being strong. Woman-ing.

      I guess the sort of guy who finds that hot isn’t the sort of guy I’d be into.

      1. I guess the sort of guy who finds that hot isn’t the sort of guy I’d be into.

        Are you trying to kill me with laughter, Goldwater, you prick?

        1. Epi, here are the reactions to that comment:

          YES. At the risk of starting a mini-thesis, I have to post to say that I agree with everything you said. From what little I’ve explored of the ultra-conservative women’s platform, I’ve seen the same theme over and over: a cult-like worship at the altar of June Cleaver. Never mind that they are basing their hopes and dreams on a sepia-toned fantasy that I sincerely doubt ever came close to reality, but the real harm comes from the absolute hatred of feminism or anything promoting gender-equality. If you wish to be a stay-at-home mom and raise eight children, fine, that’s your prerogative. Just don’t tell me that by demanding equal pay for equal work or choosing to have a career over children I am bringing about the downfall of the Great American Culture (TM).


          No, but I bet he drives a sweet-ass pickup and peaked at 17 when his high school football team won divisionals (or sectionals, or whatever). Bet he can dip-spit an empty Bud Lite can at 15 yards, too.

          Somebody’s missing out.


          Really, it sounds like those women all need to read Judith Butler and start understanding gender vs sex.

          Does that answer your question?

          1. Good! Use your aggressive feelings, girl. Let the hate flow through you.

            Take your Jezebel weapon! Use it. Strike me down with all of your hatred and your journey towards the dark side will be complete!

            1. Ha, you called her girl. You really do know how to get her to hate.

              1. I’m not called Dark Lord of the Sith for nothing.

                Well, I’m not called Dark Lord of the Sith at all, but the point remains.

                1. “Light Brown Lord of the Sith”

                  1. “Light Brown Lord of the Sith”

                    How much do I have to pay in royalties to use that?

                2. We could call you that. But only if you call me girl. I really hate the alternatives.

          2. So you are trying to kill me with laughter. Well, keep trying!

            This has been a crazy past week, what with the FULL DELUSION after the debate and now this FULL BUTTHURT from this study. It’s almost as good as the week Spitzer got nailed.


            1. Possibly the most I ever got in touch with that lovely, lovely German gift to the world, schadenfreude. Fucking steamroller, indeed.

        2. I finally understand AuH2O’s handle!

      2. believe that “woman” is “femininity” and that “femininity” is a natural and good expression of being biologically a “woman.”

        Oh, out-fucking standing. Perfect.

        prioritizing being “slender” over being strong.

        Who the fuck doesn’t like strong girls? Michelle Jenneke is several orders of magnitude stronger than Lardy West.

    12. “And, on the flipside, I can imagine that liberalism actively attracts people who are shut out of that old-timey paradigm, because once you find yourself outside of it, it’s easier to call bullshit on the whole thing.”

      In other words: “I can’t compete in that game, so I tell myself the game does not matter.”

    13. Oh, oh, I loves it! Some pretty girls are okay. Guess which ones?

      Not that this refutes anything Lindy’s saying, but I find it interesting that the uniquely gorgeous celebrities like Scarlett Johansson or Natalie Portman or Eva Mendes or Mila Kunis or Olivia Wilde are liberals, while the white-bread generic beauties like Jessica Simpson, Sarah Michelle Gellar or Carrie Underwood are conservatives.

      From a response, in case that wasn’t clear enough to you:

      Non of those you mentioned a on the liberal camp appear to be sterotypical “white bread” women. Natalie is jewish, Eva is hispanic, Mila is Russian (foreign), from what i understand Scarlett was a pretty big nerd when she was younger. So their experiences in life may have provided them with a different outlook closer to those outside of that “pretty conservative lifestyle” the author mentions. See her comment wherein she states: “I feel like people who feel less welcomed by the system are more likely to question the system.”

      Yes, Mila Kunis, immigrant, was less welcomed by the system that made her a TV star at age 15. Right…

      1. How dare they talk shit about Sarah Michelle Gellar! White bread generic?!?

        See, they’re past FULL BUTTHURT now and on to “we can explain this!” Comedy. Gold.

        1. Also…racist much? Of course, it’s against not just white people, but white bread people.

          Besides, isn’t she Jewish too?

          1. Yes, yes she is. WHOOPS, MOTHERFUCKERS.

          2. Yes, she’s Jewish. So is Mila Kunis.

            The best part of watching one of these TEAM BLUE scramblefests to explain something that contravenes their delusional world view is the rapidity and eagerness with which they will descend into collective guilt, racism, homophobia, and even misogyny. It’s amazing stuff, and they are utterly unaware that they’re doing it.

            1. They are about to turn on Olivia Wilde for being a natural blonde though…lolz

        2. Oh my god, and the butthurt from the ones who just found out Gellar is conservative…it is spectacular. It is like Gellar just killed Buffy. And all their hopes and dreams.

          1. Tell me the anti-Semitism is coming out. Oh what fun this is!

            1. No, only one of them knew that, and it’s buried. “Doesn’t completely discount your theory but it’s a wrinkle.” HA

              1. Actually, it completely discounts the theory.

                But who’s counting?

      2. So what’s Stacey Dash’s excuse? As a “Blaxican” she’s much higher on the grievance hierarchy than ScarJo, NaPo, and the rest.

        1. Dude I went into full-on Clueless nostalgia last night when I heard about that bullshit. Sniff…

          1. You know, HM, I have to lodge a belated complaint about your Cartoon Network video from a few weeks ago. At the time I felt there was something missing…but what?

            NEEZ MOAR TWERK

            Sorry buddy.

            1. Blame the FCC, not me.

                1. Also, HM, I consider it a much more productive and healthy use of my time to fall down that YouTube hole than the Jezebel one above.

                  1. Normally, I’d agree, but you’d also miss this gem:

                    Woman writes to Jezebel:

                    Dear Slutever,
                    ?So, I’ve been sleeping with a guy for a while now and he recently told me that he wants to give me a facial. He doesn’t have any diseases so I feel like I’m pretty safe there, but have you ever done one, and what are your views on it? I know a lot of people find it degrading (which I kinda like the idea of, to be honest) but I can’t decide if that means I shouldn’t do it.

                    The ‘agony aunt’ sensibly writes back to inform her that if she doesn’t loosen up and stop viewing life as one big Feminist Neo-Marxist power struggle of oppressed and oppressor, she’ll never enjoy sex (or anything else for that matter).

                    The Jezebel commentariat, predictably R A G E!
                    Case in point:

                    “Basically, we should all stop being so hyper-aware of the sociopolitical context of our sex lives, and start focusing on other, more important things, like becoming famous.”

                    Wow. This is pretty fucked up.
                    In this climate especially, sex is about as political as it gets. Way to miss the mark, Slutever.

                    Jaiya of the White Tigress Tradition frowns on their bullshit.

                    1. That is seriously the stupidest thing I can imagine going to an advice columnist about. Are you cool with getting come on your face? That’s the only question. If you need to check in with someone about that…well, you got some problems.

                    2. sex is about as political as it gets

                      And that view is why you will never be happy, sweetheart. God damn that’s sick.

                    3. I wasn’t even going to go there. It was too depressing.

                    4. Well, every time me and my Permanent Resident Alien wife have sex, it’s a pro-immigration political statement.

                      Jus’ sayin’

              1. Damn. Even the white boys got to shout…

        2. But note the fact that Stacey Dash’s style and beauty choices have always been pretty generic.

          Well, I guess that’s one excuse. Or, she’s an indoor slave…

          1. indoor slave

            I love this. The perfect phrase for the cracker with too much white guilt to say “house nigger”.

            1. Based on Twitter avatars, at least, the person I saw saying it was black.

              1. Well, then he can be an honorary guilty white.

      3. Not to mention Portman, who became a star in Luc Besson’s little pedophilia fantasy in The Professional at the age of 13.

        1. It’s not pedophilia if you’re French.

  39. Dude is like totally rocking it man, Wow.

  40. Sanderson shooting a nice one since it is a ‘civilian’ shooting an unarmed, college athlete, probably means him no harm whatsoever, under the influence of LSD. i remembered this one from a ways back and googled it up since it’s at least margically relevant to the ‘bama shooting

    both are probably examples of JUSTIFIED, if ‘lawful but awful’ shootings.

    most interesting though is the prosecutor’s language in explaining why there were no charges in the Sanderson case mirror nearly exactly the case logic i try to explain to the ignorati as to what matters and what doesn’t matters when viewing UOF’s (whether civilian or cop) and whether they are justified. what matters are facts and circs known to the shooter, and whether acts subsequent to same are reasonable. what does not matter is essentially everything else.

    i’m proud to stand with the attorney in the sanderson case in using such logic because it is the foundation of our “rule of law” not “rule of man” society

    sadly that means that many lawful but awful shootings will occur, but it also means that we – ALL OF US – live under a system where it’s rule of law that matters. there are injustices and exceptions of course, whether it’s OJ getting off or Zimmerman getting charged.



    however… justified? yes.

    facts and circ’S. rule of law.

    they are what matter

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