Election 2012

Grooming Secrets of the Washington Stars

Making candidates pretty, one $250 touchup session at a time.


While you're waiting for Thursday's vice presidential debate, here's Buzzfeed on the candidates' makeup routines and, more interestingly, the ways those sessions are concealed in the campaigns' expense reports:

If you covered him with garbage, Joe Biden would still have style.

A review of campaign filings and public reporting on how exactly American politicians put their faces on before television interviews and debates offers a glimpse of a part of the process most public figures (the men in particular) would prefer to keep secret. In a profession where the president shows off his basketball skills to Vanity Fair and where a leaked video of Senator John Edwards fixing his hair was a major political blow, they are less than eager to talk about their personal grooming routines.

The campaign of Rep. Paul Ryan, for instance, described $525 spent at at About Face, a salon in Winter, Fla., August 18 as "media production consulting."…Campaigns have grown expert at disguising beauty expenses in their filings since Edwards (again!) endured months of mockery for spending $400 on a haircut.

Joe Biden, manly man that he is, "appears to disdain the beauty brouhaha," Buzzfeed reports. Before one appearance, he only allowed the makeup artist "to apply concealer and a little powder." This touchup cost $250, and "was listed on the Obama campaign's Federal Election Commission report under 'Decorations.'"

NEXT: Wealthy in France Selling Houses to Avoid Tax

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  1. What day is it? I thought the VP debate was Thursday, not tomorrow?

    1. Yes, I’ve apparently lost track of what day it is. Fixed.

      1. You wouldn’t happen to be publishing the headlines for the news feed would you?

  2. Joe Biden, manly man that he is, “appears to disdain the beauty brouhaha,” Buzzfeed reports.

    Botox is a medical procedure?

    1. Technically.

      1. And hair transplants?

  3. Jesse, are you suggesting that politicians are Dedicated Followers of Fashion?

    1. Well, he’s certainly not a well respected man.

      1. …although he might qualify as Davies meant it.

  4. Speaking of Ol’ Joe, can I lay down a marker for strangest debate moment? I am willing to bet, given sufficiently high odds, that Biden will come to the podium in a Mexican wrestler costume. Any takers, or any other ideas?

    1. Leather. He will be wearing leather.

    2. Sadly, Jerry Lawler is hospitalized and in very bad condition. Otherwise, Lawler showing up and challenging Biden to a match would be perfect.

    3. Train conductor?

  5. “Joe Biden, manly man that he is, “appears to disdain the beauty brouhaha,” Buzzfeed reports.”

    You can use all the Shinola in the world, but with some things, you’r just gonna end up with a shiny piece of #*% anyway…

    If I were Biden, I’d just get fat and be done with it.

  6. The debate is going to be only about 40 miles from me. I can feel an electricity in the air, as if a giant Derpstorm is coming my way. The cats know it too. They mew piteously and writhe in terror.

    1. The Colour Out of Place

      1. But even all this was not so bad as the blasted heath. I knew it the moment I came upon it at the bottom of a spacious valley; for no other name could fit such a thing, or any other thing fit such a name. It was as if the poet had coined the phrase from having seen this one particular region. It must, I thought as I viewed it, be the outcome of a fire; but why had nothing new ever grown over these five acres of grey desolation that sprawled open to the sky like a great spot eaten by acid in the woods and fields? It lay largely to the north of the ancient road line, but encroached a little on the other side. I felt an odd reluctance about approaching, and did so at last only because my business took me through and past it. There was no vegetation of any kind on that broad expanse, but only a fine grey dust or ash which no wind seemed ever to blow about. The trees near it were sickly and stunted, and many dead trunks stood or lay rotting at the rim. As I walked hurriedly by I saw the tumbled bricks and stones of an old chimney and cellar on my right, and the yawning black maw of an abandoned well whose stagnant vapours played strange tricks with the hues of the sunlight.

        Actually, this is a pretty good description of Danville.

      2. Biden’s thinking is squamous and non-Euclidean.

        1. It was then that I heard the story, and as the rambling voice scraped and whispered on I shivered again and again spite the summer day. Often I had to recall the speaker from ramblings, piece out scientific points which he knew only by a fading parrot memory of professors’ talk, or bridge over gaps, where his sense of logic and continuity broke down. When he was done I did not wonder that his mind had snapped a trifle

          I can’t think of a better description of listening to Biden.

        2. The most merciful thing in the world…is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents.

    2. In relating the circumstances which have led to my confinement within this refuge for the demented, I am aware that my present position will create a natural doubt of the authenticity of my narrative. It is an unfortunate fact that the bulk of humanity is too limited in its mental vision to weigh with patience and intelligence those isolated phenomena, seen and felt only by a psychologically sensitive few, which lie outside its common experience.

    3. “….a giant Derpstorm..”

      +1 to you SF.

      1. “Ermahgerd! TARDNADO!”

    4. I’m going to be in the Louisville area with a group of friends this weekend for the Knob Creek shoot. Any no-miss bars we should hit?

      1. NutraSweet is in Lexington.

        1. Oh. I though Louisville for some reason.

      2. The Holy Grale is a great beer bar, but a drive if you are not mobile. If downtown, the bar in the 21C Hotel makes inventive cocktails and has a fine selection of bourbons and ryes. Also downtown, Sergio’s World Beers has a 1000 beers.

        robc might might step in with other suggestions.

        1. Rye is for jerkoffs and Don MacLean.

          1. Yes, I gave you an easy one. Maybe you’ll settle down for a nap without too much fuss.

        2. Thanks, I think we hit the 21C last time we were there. I’ll check out the Holy Grale. We usually hit Cumberland Brews as well.

  7. There were so many completely reasonable, rational reasons to despise John Edwards, yet people fixated on his hair.

    The “political class” in this country is a giant sinkhole of retard.

    1. No, they fixated on his vanity, and the hypocrisy of a multimillionaire campaigning “for the poor” while spending $400 for a haircut.

  8. Uh, yeah, like Biden has never whitened his teeth… right

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