The First Rule of Presidential Fight Club…


In a mass knife fight to the death between every Peanuts character, Lucy wins, unless Snoopy catches her offguard by kissing her on the nose.
Charles M. Schulz

Geoff Micks risks a visit from the feds to answer the vital historical question, "In a mass knife fight to the death between every American president, who would win and why?" The short answer, he argues, is Theodore Roosevelt. The long answer includes a summary of how each executive would likely fare in the fight, from the father of our country…

George Washington—Commanding presence, strong physique, military training, viewed as a hero by everyone asked to shank him: He makes Top 10 without question….[M]y money is on Jackson being the one who murders him; he wouldn't blink, either. They were closer in age, and the hero myth wouldn't be quite as firmly set. Besides, I'm pretty sure Jackson didn't blink when he sneezed.

…to the father of Tricia:

Richard Nixon doesn't have the physique to go the distance in a battle like this, but I think he had the cunning and the drive to live a lot longer than the majority. I worry that he'd try to take on Kennedy or Johnson early, which might be the end of him. That said, maybe he can convince Jackson to do his dirty work for him?

Read the whole thing, then place your bets.