Food Policy

Fattest States in America: Mississippi Tips Scale


From the picante-barbecue-smoked plains of Texas to the buckwheat-pancake-rich hills of West Virginia; from the cornfields of Indiana, where you could swear the scent of corn dogs and marshmallow ambrosia rises straight to heaven, to the bayous of Louisiana, where stiff-necked Cajuns wash down jambalaya with Sazeracs: say hello America's most obese states. 

Time for Michigan to annex Amanitoulin Island and fatten up the natives.

Taking top honors: Mississippi, home of spicy Creole shrimp and mud pies.'s Michael Sauter and Lisa Uible weigh the U.S.A. using self-reported obesity statistics from a CDC Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System report, a Gallup BMI survey, and life expectancy numbers from the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation's

The Gallup poll comes with another color-coded map showing thinnest-to-fattest states. The Centennial state weighs in as America's sveltest, and perhaps not coincidentally, the top result in a search for "Colorado cuisine" is this Denver Post article regretfully reporting that pulled pork is the closest approach to a Rocky Mountain culinary tradition. 


The Pentagon says fat is a threat to national preparedness

Gary Taubes says the government is making you fat

Institute of Medicine blames "obesogenic" environment, advocates mockery of the portly. 

President's wife makes Olympic gold medalist apologize for eating an Egg McMuffin. 

NEXT: Borrowing Costs Fall in Spain

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  1. I don't understand the map. There are 3 or 4 different shades of green indicating fat states, and then every other state doesn't even register on the fat-tipping scale?

    I live in Florida, and I gotta say, I disagree wholeheartedly with these findings.

  2. Institute of Medicine blames "obesogenic" environment, advocates mockery of the portly.

    Does this count?

  3. What's up with Michigan? It doesn't fit the stereotype.

    1. The people who didn't flee Detroit during its collapse were those too fat to move.

    2. Michigan is heavily Southern. Black people and hillbillies came up to work in the plants, and they brought their Southern fatness with them.

      1. City-goats.

    3. I'm honestly surprised my home state of New Mexico isn't in the top fatty category. I think Gary Johnson and his 6% bodyfat are singlehandedly saving it from the brink.

  4. Your state is so fat, when it gets a cut it bleeds milkshakes.

    1. Your state is so fat, you can screw it by slapping its thighs and riding the wave in.

      1. Your state is so fat it makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.

        1. Your state is so fat, it has its own zip code..oh, wait...

          1. So fat, it sank to the bottom of the country.

  5. Where do they get these stats from anyway? Does the census bureau ask for height and weight now also?

    1. Gallup pollster: Are you fat?
      Respondent: No, I'm just big boned.

      1. No kitty, this is my pot pie!

      2. Gallup pollster: Are you fat?

        Respondant: I will be if I keep eating pollster's livers with fava beans and a nice chianti.

  6. The thing that I get completely baffled about with obesity is how much of a "first world problem" it is. One can quickly peruse the UN Hunger statistics here- - and get a quick run down of the reality facing more than half of the world when it comes to food.

    Thus I just can't take the obesity "epidemic" all that seriously since it appears to be an entirely voluntary phenomena. I recognize that diabetes and the various health effects of obesity are serious problems, but there is a moral aspect to it that I have a hard time getting past in order to believe this is such a giant crisis.

    1. It's an opportunity for people in the government to control ever facet of a citizen's life, from what they eat to how much exercise they get.

      For their own good of course.

      The Land of the Free to take Orders and ask Permission.

    2. You need to get over the antiquated, and wrong, idea that people have as much free agency as you think. All libertarians do. It just cannot be the case that the first world has suffered a mass coincidence of laziness and moral turpitude.

      We are made by our environment. Is there room for individual will? Yes, but not as much as libertarians think, and that's why their public policy prescriptions are wrong. They're operating from a misguided premise--besides, you don't believe in maximum individual agency because that's where the evidence has taken you, but because you want to.

      1. Stupid trolls are stupid.

      2. Shut the fuck up, Tony.

        1. He really is amazing isn't he. He's like a statist super hero or something.


          1. Uh, it's a FUCKING SOCKPUPPET. It is specifically designed to be the thing you hate the most so that you respond to it. It's tailored to manipulate you.

            Don't let it.

          2. Help me, Statist Man! I saw a fat person on the bus this morning, and I stupidly believe that it wasn't his problem that he's overweight, it's our problem!



              STATIST MAN TO THE RESCUE!!!

              1. whoa whoa whoa, straight to a commission? slow down buddy. Where's the committee to draft the vision statement outlining the mission of the exploratory fact finding panel that will appoint a czar tasked with determining how to best form that commission?

                STATIST FAIL.

            2. One fat person is his problem. A nation of fat people is our problem. Especially since healthcare costs are socialized (and are in a private insurance system or a public one).

              1. Gee, which is easier and constitutional? Putting every fatty on a diet and exercise regime - or deregulating insurance?

                1. But...intentions!

              2. Then quit socializing shit and let health insurance companies do their fucking job and assess risk instead of prohibiting them by law from doing just that. Fuck, you are dumb.

                1. Accessing risks and pricing them is wrong! Because...

                  1. Accessing risks and pricing them is wrong! Because...

                    Becuase that's not what insurance is. Insurance is having everyone put something in and then taking back out as needed. Yes, statists have actually told me that.

                    1. Becuase that's not what insurance is. Insurance is having everyone put something in and then taking back out as needed. Yes, statists have actually told me that.

                      Didn't they realize the socialized health costs of making your head asplode?

              3. A nation of fat people is our problem. Especially since healthcare costs are socialized

                Healthcare costs are no more socialized in a free market than are sandwich bread, living room furniture or golf ball costs.

      3. Shorter Tony: You don't know why you do things, no one does. That's why the government has to tell you what to do. Otherwise, you might not do the right thing. And people not doing the right thing is offensive. To Tony.

        1. I didn't say anything about government. The only person in this conversation expressing a will to inject his moral busybodiness into other people's lives is Tman.

          1. You didn't have to say anything about government. It's implied whenever you say something, you state-fellating fuck.

            1. He implied nothing of the sort. The ordering of his egalitarian utopia would be organized by a body dedicated to making and enforcing decisions, which is like, totally different, man.

        2. If the natural tendencies of mankind are so bad that it is not safe to permit people to be free, how is it that the tendencies of these organizers are always good? Do not the legislators and their appointed agents also belong to the human race? Or do they believe that they themselves are made of a finer clay than the rest of mankind?

          1. I'm not claiming that the "natural tendencies of mankind are so bad." At all. I'm saying mankind's tendencies are heavily informed by the environment mankind finds itself in. Disagree? So why bother pushing a free market environment?

            1. So why bother pushing a free market environment?

              Because it is even worse when people try to control things for a particular end.

              Of course our actions and condition are heavily influenced by our environment. So what? They are still our choices and individuals get to make their own choices and mistakes.

              1. Choice is constrained by environment. A laissez-faire market environment is the result of conscious policy choices. It's every bit as much an imposition as another economic system. And, in my opinion, it is the system that affords the least freedom of choice for most people.

                1. It affords shitheads like you the least freedom to tell other people what to do, and that's why you really dislike it.

                2. Freedom is slavery, ignorance is strength.

                3. "A laissez-faire market environment is the result of conscious policy choices. It's every bit as much an imposition as another economic system."

                  Only Tony could conceive of an economic system that maximizes individual choice by allowing those that wish to participate to do so and allowing those that don't wish to participate as burdensome.

                  1. It doesn't maximize individual choice. You just say it does. It maximizes the pointless liberties of the ultra-wealthy at the expense of everyone else's meaningful liberties.

                    1. Yes, Tony. It does. Huge companies don't have the ability to use government to tilt the scales in their favor under such a system. Ultra-rich are the only people able to afford to enter markets due to the regulatory schemes you support. You don't think the

                4. Baldness is a hair color. Not collecting stamps is a hobby.

                  1. Not collecting stamps is a hobby.

                    I'm an avid stamp notcollector. It's awesome.

            2. I'm not claiming that the "natural tendencies of mankind are so bad."

              Without this premise, there is little argument for anything but the most minimal government.

              1. And with that premise, don't you need to advocate a government comprised of... something other than men?

                (TOP MEN are still men, Tony.)

              2. "natural tendencies of mankind are so bad."

                Actually if mankind is bad then the government can't be trusted with power because people in government will only use that power to their own evil ends.

      4. Why don't you just go have yourself another plate of gourmet mushy peas and stop bothering us all.

      5. Obesity surely wasn't escalated by government subsidization of corn production and by the artificially cheap cost of food in general resulting from the government paying farmers not to farm, nor the carb-heavy food pyramid created by government that every schoolchild is taught. The problem of obesity will surely be solved by the government doling out organic vegetables and lean meats and banning any foods that would convince individuals to abandon dietary common sense. Right, Tony?

        1. Conscript all health care workers and make it a criminal act to disobey their orders.


          All preventable illness will go away!

        2. I don't know about the second part but you're surely right about the first. Public policy is part of the environment. In this case it's a heavily corporate lobbied public policy that contributes to the problem.

          1. If only the government had no public policy on what people ate, the evil corporations would have no one to lobby. But that's just crazy talk. Of COURSE we need policy to tell people what to do.

            1. There is no such thing as no policy. Government can choose not to subsidize farming. It can choose to let masses of people starve. There is no such thing as not making a choice.

              1. Darkness is light, cold is heat, and vacuum is mass.

                Got it.

                1. That which is not prohibited is mandatory.

              2. You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill;
                I will choose a path that's clear-
                I will choose Free Will.

              3. But why would politicians choose not to when Monsanto is putting money in one of their pockets and a hand deep into the other? Especially when creating a regulatory state gives the impression that they have the situation under control.

                If you aren't really just a sockpuppet troll and you're just slower at processing things than the average bear, some day it's going to hit you that everything you advocate is the reason for "too big to fail." The regulatory state is the reason corporations will never be divorced from politics, because they are always trying to influence their corrupt overseers and will always see the state as a tool to gain competitive advantage.

                1. So your solution is simply to remove the hurdle. This bit of nonsense doesn't grow more sensible with repetition. Regulations exist for certain ends. Corporate bribery exists because it's allowed to. They have nothing to do with each other in principle.

                  1. Regulations exist for certain ends. Corporate bribery exists because it's allowed to. They have nothing to do with each other in principle.

                    Just because they theoretically have nothing to do with each other doesn't mean they will be divorced from each other.

                    For all your haranguing about libertarians living in a dream world, you seem to be under the delusion that the existence of the former doesn't have to mean that the latter (which is really just tard-speak for "privileged influence," and doesn't require a corporate entity to exist) can be expunged from the equation.

                  2. Regulations exist for the ends that the corporate-bought politicians design them for. Why do you think Goldman Sachs loved Dodd-Frank so much?

                    The notion that government exists to check corporate power is simply not borne out by facts, and it never will be no matter how much you dream it so. No matter how much Team Blue talks about keeping the corporations in check, that's the guise they have to put up while letting their corporate campaign donors write the actual laws.

                    The problem with corporations is in the inherent moral hazards of limited liability and socialization of risk, but the regulatory state is a treatment far worse than the disease. It's like a depressed person self-medicating with drugs thinking that will make them happy, instead of addressing the causes of the depression.

          2. So, what does libertarian have anything to do with corporations lobbying government, when in a libertarian society government won't have any powers to grant privileges to corporations? Major corporations love the regulatory state you advocate. It's easy to buy out the gatekeepers to create laws to keep their competitors out.

            1. You don't get it. Government will always be hijacked by the evil corporations.
              So it must be given enough power so it can control the evil rich people who control it.
              If the evil corporate rich people continue to control the government, then it must be given more power to control the evil rich corporate people who control it.
              Repeat until the corporations are brought under control of the People.

              What could possibly go wrong?

        3. CABBAGE SLOPPY JOES FOR THE WIN!!!!!1!!111111

          1. Cabbage lasagne for 2nd place?

      6. being a lard-ass is the result of decisions freely made. There is no new secret about what causes weight gain. If anything, we should point a finger of blame at govt for its ridiculous food pyramid that turned carbs into wonder food.

        1. being a lard-ass is the result of decisions freely made.

          Who would choose to be fat? It can only be environmental factors that differentiate the states' obesity metrics. Unless you think Mississippi for some unknown reason happens to attract particularly lazy people.

          1. Who would choose to be fat?

            it's not like another poster says: foreseeable consequences are not unintended. When calories in far exceed calories out, the result is predictable.

            A lot Southern cooking is heavy on lard, butter, and fried things. Not a problem in and of itself, big problem if you keep shoveling it in. A piece of fried chicken is not a problem; the whole bird is. It's not rocket surgery.

          2. Maybe people weigh the immediate pleasure of eating yummy things against the long-term risk of becoming fat and decide it's worth it.

            So what are the environmental factors present in Mississippi and Michigan that aren't in other states?

            1. I would like to see states' racial breakdowns side-by-side. Mississippi and Michigan have tons of black folk.

              (Not Racist)

            2. cold weather? (in Michigan, duh).

              I recently went to a birthday party for one of my old friends. He was turning 40 and moving out of state to another job, so it was a big get together with everyone from the old scene showing up.

              80% of them were FAT.

              Most of the men had huge guts, and most of the women were big too. One girl had upper arms that were larger than my wife's thighs. At least with this crowd I think much of it has to do with the high beer (carb) consumption.

              1. At least with this crowd I think much of it has to do with the high beer (carb) consumption.

                When I stopped drinking beer daily, I dropped about 15lbs in the 1st month.

          3. Not many would choose to be fat. But plenty choose not to do anything about it when they notice that they are getting fat.

          4. "Who would choose to be fat?"
            People that choose to eat a lot and not exercise. Next stupid question.

          5. "Who would choose to be fat?"

            This bitch:

            The Daily Diet Of The Woman Who Hopes To Be The Fattest Person In History


            1. Pretty unimaginative. She should eat some of those bacon cheeseburgers with pizzas for the buns.

            2. Hey, she's eating a salad at lunch; what's the problem?

      7. If people doing foolish things under social pressure disproved free agency, no one would have ever believed in it in the first place.

        It is true that people (but not all people, certainly) don't fully exercise the agency that they have. The question is whether others should do something about it, and whether that something is to empower them to rule themselves, or to rule them as guardians. Those who take the latter approach are very susceptible firstly to being corrupted by lust for domination, and secondly to failing to distinguish an informed ethical difference from a lack of agency.

        1. There should be a law against people who consume too much vocabulary.

      8. Wow, so you've circled all the way back to false consciousness? You're a broken record, and a fucking idiot.

    3. Seems like a pretty good problem to have. When obesity is a problem among the poorest, you are pretty successful as a country, no?

      1. That's what I'm saying. If this is our greatest health "crisis", we are doing pretty good I would say.

      2. Not really. Obesity is also malnutrition.

    4. Because when poverty and famine are eliminated, the goalposts move to "income inequality" and overeating.

  7. We're obese because we're rich and don't have to labor in the fields hoeing beans anymore to work off that Big Mac. We work in offices where we sit on our asses and then go home and sit on them some more. Any exercise is scheduled and involves expensive outfits or equipment that monitors our heart rate.

    Result = blubber.

    1. that waistline - you didn't build that.

  8. pulled pork is the closest approach to a Rocky Mountain culinary tradition.

    Rocky Mountain Oysters, Tim. Low in fat, full of protein.

  9. I've got an idea. Solve our energy needs and fix the obesity epidemic in one swell foop: Liposuction!

    That's right! Vacuum out all that excess fat, render it down, and feed it into power plants!

    What could possibly go wrong?

    1. Or make soap out of it.

      1. you know who else... oh, never mind...

      2. And then charge department $20 a bar so that they can sell it for God knows how much. It'll be like we're selling rich people their own fat asses back to them.

        1. *department stores

          typing fail.

    2. I think you are on to something.

      I remember hearing of a study some years ago that seemed to indicate that weight loss by liposuction gives you most of the health benefits that losing the weight the old-fashioned way does. Not sure if the results have held up since, but it wounds plausible in some ways. Though I still think that getting off your ass and exercising is what most obese people need.

      1. If combined with a serious commitment to exercise and eat healthy it could have some advantages. Visceral fat is the worst fat, it produces estrogen and causes a lot of inflammatory response. It probably has some negative long term effects, also. But if done once as a supplement to getting on the healthy wagon it probably could have a net benefit.

    3. We could even *pay* people to put on excess weight for the power plants. Renewable energy! Jobs!

      1. Exactly!

      2. I like it, but only if I am hired and paid 150k to write rules.

      3. Improve efficiency and just plug them in Matrix-style.

  10. Boston Market pulls a Bloomberg:

    How about if people don't want salty food, they don't put extra salt on it? Why remove the salt shakers?

    1. You need to get over the antiquated, and wrong, idea that people have as much free agency as you think. If a salt shaker is there, people will have to use it because... environment and stuff and MOAR REGULASHINZ R NEEDED!

    2. Boston Market pulls a Bloomberg:

      OMG, now where am I going to go when I need a quick acting laxative for my constipation?

      1. Chipotle?

        1. I don't want to get blood on my underwear.

          1. But that's what Chipotlaway is for!

        2. Perhaps Chipotle and Qdoba-induced diarrhea is the reason Colorado has the lowest obesity rate?

        3. Chipotle has always been kind to me.

          Taco Bell, Denny's, and any Chinese buffet on the other hand...

  11. More cushion for the pushin'. The slimmest state still has a 50% overweight/obesity rating? You fat fucks.

    1. That might have something to do with the stupid definition of obesity based on BMI.

  12. Colorado, you seem malnourished. Are you suffering from internal parasites?

    1. So these three parasitic worms bore into a human's head, and they walk up to the bar and then--uh-oh. Wait, stop! I've got more!

    2. He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumby and Hercules combined!

    3. Colorado has an awesome beer culture, but a really shitty food culture. If omelettes and deep-fried testicles are the best you can come up with, you need serious help.

      1. Colorado has an awesome beer culture, but a really shitty food culture

        Whereas in New Mexico, it's the exact opposite.

        1. So in theory the ideal place to live would be Trinidad, CO near the NM border, or Raton, NM just on the other side of the border. Having driven through there on I-25, I'm not sold on the idea.

      2. what's wrong with omelets?

  13. self-reported obesity statistics


    1. Hey, dude, I'm 6'8" and 275, with 4% body fat. That's totally, 100% true. Fuck you.

      1. So, you're dunphy?

        1. No way, he could never keep up with the guitar parts in my prog band when we're playing our sold-out arena shows. Any my acting range is way better than his, too.

          1. I loved him when he did that stage production of Coriolanus.

            1. is that Latin for "I'm a pig's ass"?

            2. Let me put it this way: Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates? Morons.

              1. Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia". But only slightly less well-known is this: "never go against a Tukwila cop when death is on the line"!

                HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

                (falls over)

                1. *goes through Epi's pockets and looks for loose change*

          2. That's just because dunphy concentrated all of his effort on earning his PhDs. Just because he's a cop and the world's strongest millionaire, it doesn't mean that he's perfect.

            1. Did yall know that dunphy considers all this mocking to somehow mean we are completely jealous of him?

              1. Did yall know that dunphy considers all this mocking to somehow mean we are completely jealous of him?

                A left-over remnant of advice his mommy gave him when the neighborhood kids were mean to him. I suppose it makes him feel better, and he doesn't have to hide in the closet, crying and peeing his pants anymore.

                1. My mom's advice was, "if you can't say something nice about someone, they're probably a scumbag."

          3. Any my acting range is way better than his, too.

            I don't know. Dunphy killed last spring in his role as Rhoda Penmark in The Bad Seed.

      2. I'll be in my bunk...

    2. You beat me to it, Epi.

      How obese is the US *really*? *Twice* the indication?

  14. Oh, this could be a good opportunity to brag. The health insurance provider for my company offers a discount for employees and their spouses if they have certain health numbers below certain levels at an annual health screening. The big one is a BMI of 27 or lower.

    So in the last 14 weeks, I've lost 32lbs and dropped my BMI from over 31 to about 26.6, which will save me $800 in health insurance costs next year as long as I'm still below that level at the annual exam on Friday. So a private insurance company gave me a financial incentive to improve my health, and it worked. Weird.

    1. Thirty-two pounds is the difference between obese and slightly overweight?

      1. You gotta draw arbitrary lines somewhere.

      2. Yup. And I'm 6' tall.

        1. Wait, what's your overall weight?

          1. I went from 228lbs to 196lbs.

            1. Not bad. Now you need to get down to 180-185.

              1. Sure, if he wants to look Ethernopian. If he wants to look like a Viking, he needs to squat 500 now.

                1. If he wants to look like a Viking

                  What, and get drafted by the Navy? Pass.

              2. Yeah, to expand on FoE's comment above, the difference between "normal" and "obese" is only 37lbs. They should do some of that SAT-style score re-scaling for BMI.

    2. Fuck, I'd need to drop to 210 to get below 27. I'd have to get stupidly shredded to do that. Your insurance company is swolescriminating.

      1. They make allowances for people that are incredibly muscular, so you'd be fine.

        1. That's not muscle, it's scabs and scar tissue.

          1. It's hate, moron.

            1. Oh, they makes exceptions for all those things. The CEO is a Republican.

      2. Swolescrimination: The last acceptable prejudice.

        1. Well, except for the prejudices against white males, Southerners, Republicans, corporations, rich people, and libertarians.

          1. Be honest though: we deserve it.

            1. Oh, sure. But so does everyone else.

    3. We get a similar deal - and this year they are going to measure waistlines for awesomely muscled people like me who don't make the height / weight BMI.

      1. Considering that the best correlation between body and First World disease (diabeetus, stroke, heart disease) is waistline, this actually makes sense.

    4. I'm 5' 7-1/2". To get to a BMI of 27, I'd have to balloon to 175 pounds. I've felt fat before, but I've never weighed 175.

      1. Thanks. I feel great about myself now.

        1. You don't like twinks?

          1. I prefer hohos.

  15. Now I'm craving some jambalaya and a Sazerac.

  16. The Centennial state weighs in as America's sveltest, and perhaps not coincidentally, the top result in a search for "Colorado cuisine" is this Denver Post article regretfully reporting that pulled pork is the closest approach to a Rocky Mountain culinary tradition.

    Of course, 300 days of sunshine, a milder climate than you might think, lots of opportunity for outdoor actvity both in summer (hiking, mountain biking, etc.) and winter (skiing, snowboarding, snow shoeing, etc.) might have something to do with it too. As for eats, there's plenty of really good restaurants around if you look hard enough.

    1. if pulled pork equates to Colorado cuisine, then sushi is an Alabama specialty.

    2. Green chile. Abundant and delicious. But it was stolen from New Mexico.

      1. It's interesting how many Farmer's Markets around here sell "Taos Green chile peppers". I though the whole idea of Farmer's Markets was for "local" farmers to sell their wares. Seems a little out of the way for them to go all the way to Denver, but clearly there's a market for their stuff here, so I'm not gonna complain.

        It seems to me that "Colorado cuisine" consists of stuff we stole from other states or countries and/ or the cuisine of wherever the restauranteur or chef originally comes from. NTTAWWT

        1. We also make a lot of food infused with pot.

  17. I love that Evansville is now the fattest metropolitan area in the nation. Evansville is a big test market city, too. Lots of new products get tried out in The Ville before they get sent off to other locales. The McDonald's diner comes to mind?.where you sat down and ordered things like meat loaf from a waitress?weird wild stuff.

    Evansville story:

    McDonald's diner:

    1. The McDonald's pizza was introduced very early in Evansville. I first got one on the way to Darmstadt in late '89 or '90.

      1. I remember the McDonald's pizza, I'm pretty sure I thought it was awesome. I was about 8 years old.

          1. That's impossible. Advertising controls our brains, and we're all helpless to combat it. Therefore, no marketing campaign has ever failed. Chomsky and Adbusters told me so.

            1. The Hulaburger is the best. Of all the things they could have marketed to Catholics on Fridays the best they could come up with was a slice of pineapple on a bun.

      2. I remember the debacle that was Mickey D's pizza. I remember trying one and spitting it out.

        1. You were hard-pressed to tell the difference between the pizza and the box it came in.

          1. There was a box?

            1. It was the part with less cheese.

        2. Mickey D's pizza sounds yummy.

      3. Evansville, West Germany?

        1. Southern Indiana is riddled with German communities. Most of them were founded in late-1945 for some reason.


          1. Indiana? Is that in Hessen?

      4. I'm here to defend the McDonald's pizza. I used to eat them all the time when I lived in WA. It had what must've been some sort of spray-on wood-fired/smoke taste.

        1. This is odd. With all of this McDonald's pizza love, I find myself on the same side as Episiarch. I feel like Kirk with that moron Kang standing next to me, fighting off that special effect with false good humor.

      5. And it was fucking disgusting.

    2. Wolf's BBQ. The Haub House. Mike Libs chocolates. That's all I've got...

  18. I have to wonder at the irony of the "Fattest State" thread that contains so many people feeding the fattest troll we have.

    1. White Indian?

      1. No, he died on the Trail of Troll Tears earlier this year.

        1. Mr. Gillespie has his decision, now let him enforce it.

    2. Maybe all the people feeding it have most of their fat in their head.

      1. It's actually somewhat instructive to draw out the Tonys and Shreiks sometimes. For instance, today I learned that Tony believes no policy == policy, and therefore government must have a policy.

        1. "Tony" doesn't believe anything. It is a sockpuppet who says things specifically designed to bother you and get you to waste time arguing with it.

          Again, I will repeat this: it is a FUCKING SOCKPUPPET TROLL. You are not arguing with a person with views, you are arguing with a person running a fake persona that wants to manipulate you and make you waste your time and shit up threads.

          Just. Stop.

          1. I'm not convinced. I know people who say the exact same sort of shit Tony does. I fear he might be a real person who actually believes what he says.

            1. "I know people who say the exact same sort of shit Tony does. I fear he might be a real person who actually believes what he says."

              After seeing the comments on HuffPo today I'm thinking T O N Y is on the mild end of the pro nanny state spectrum.

  19. "Taking top honors: Mississippi, home of spicy Creole shrimp and mud pies."

    Looks like West Virginia is at the top here:

    1. Huh. You wouldn't think a diet of coal and meth would be that fattening.

      1. It's the empty calories of moonshine that does the trick.

  20. using self-reported obesity statistics from a CDC Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System report

    Yeah... it's crap.

  21. Wait, I thought Louisiana smelled like corndogs?

  22. Big bottoms. Big bottoms. Talk about mud flaps my state's got 'em.

    1. My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo; I'm gonna sink her with my pink torpedo!

      1. "Grab them saddle bags and toss'em over me"

  23. What the hell is wrong with an Egg McMuffin? It's only about 300 calories, with a single egg, a single piece of Canadian bacon, and a single slice of cheese. English muffins aren't the healthiest bread ever, but again, we're talking chickenshit stuff here as far as calories go.

    First ladies should shut the hell up. I don't recall electing her or her going through any confirmation hearings as an appointee.

    1. Mickey D's breakfast food is actually their best stuff.

      1. It's pretty much the only thing I eat there anymore.

      2. Gotta love those McGriddle sandwiches.


        1. Those are disgusting.

          However, I will admit that their biscuits are quite tasty.

      3. Damn, now that's the way you compose an insult.

    2. "What the hell is wrong with an Egg McMuffin? It's only about 300 calories, with a single egg, a single piece of Canadian bacon, and a single slice of cheese."

      If it's 1000 calories, the response still should have been "Fuck you, I'll eat what I want and I don't give a shit about your opinion of it"

      1. Let's just assume that's always my first answer.

    3. Pretty sure a typical bagel with cream cheese would be twice as many calories as that Egg McMuffin, and none of it would be protein.

      1. "Pretty sure a typical bagel with cream cheese would be twice as many calories as that Egg McMuffin"

        Bagel with cream cheese = best creation since the wheel

        1. When I was up in the mountains recently, I saw lox on a bagel for breakfast. The "lox" was smoked trout. Wish I'd tried that.

          1. It's fabulous. At this restaurant (in Boulder CO no less) where I cooked, this waiter would bring in bagels and lox every now and again.
            So I'd grill a bagel, fry an egg, add some lox, lettuce, and tomato, and call it breakfast.
            Best sandwich ever.
            That reminds me, I just cured some salmon over the weekend.
            Think I know what I'm having for breakfast tomorrow!

            1. No, I meant with the smoked trout. I already like smoked salmon.

              1. How could it be bad? Smoked trout is delicious.

                1. Indeed, this is my view. I just regret not getting it.

                  I had some brown trout in some obscure diner between the Grand Tetons and Yellowstone that was fantastic. Wish I could remember the place.

                  1. I just tried bluefish for the first time last night. Not bad. Not something I'll ever seek out, but if a fisherman offers me a filet again I certainly won't say no.

                  2. There is nothing between the Grand Tetons and Yellowstone.

                    1. Well, that's not true, because I had dinner going back to Yellowstone. I suppose it could've been "on property" at one of the parks, but it was on the way, either way.

              2. There really isn't that much of a difference.

            2. I used to make gravlax a lot. Goes very well on, well, everything.

              1. I've had that. Not bad at all.

                Smoked mullet is fairly common down here. It's not always great but, when done right, can be quite yummy. Mullet are a great frustration for me when fishing, as they're always leaping out of the water while I'm not catching anything (mullet, for those who don't know, are vegetarians. . .for ethical reasons).

              2. Gravlax sounds awesome.

                1. Gravlax sounds awesome.

                  Don't just imagine it. Make it!

                  I started a slab on Saturday morning and rinsed the brine off yesterday afternoon.

                  It takes ten minutes of work and a couple days of patience.

                  And it's totally worth it.

                  1. Don't just imagine it. Make it!

                    I totally intend to, but it doesn't sound so awesome I need to skip the 2nd half of the work day to go find some salmon.

                    1. Buy a slab of salmon and some dill on the way home from work. I assume you have salt, sugar and plastic wrap at home.
                      There you go!

        2. Bagel with cream cheese = best creation since the wheel

          I do use them as wheels.

      2. Cream cheese has protein! And what about the lox?

        1. You know what else has protein?

          1. So you learned to cook at the gar bar, huh?

            1. Um...sure. Let's just go with "gar bar".

            2. I got my cooking cert at Emily Griffith Opportunity School.


              Not exactly Johnson Wales, but a lot cheaper.

              1. *Johnson -ampersand- Wales*

  24. Military vet detained for "libertarian" posts on Facebook.

    1. Dear Lord! Error! Error! Sterilize!

    2. Libertarianism is a mental disorder. Falls along Autism spectrum... Aspies... yada yada yada /state fellator sockpuppet

      1. What could be more dangerous than someone who doesn't want every aspect of their life managed by Top. Men.?

        I mean, that's like crazy and stuff!

    3. The Feds and local popos detaining him in a mental ward against his will will almost certainly cure him of his anti-government wrongness!

    4. "Military vet complains about excessive government; government proves him right."

  25. The Pentagon says fat is a threat to national preparedness.

    "But we will show the world that we can be its master! We will perfect our own race of people. A race of atomic supermen which will conquer the world! Atomic Supermen with perfect Body Mass Index! Ah ha ha ha ha ha!!!"

    And you guys pay taxes to finance those guys. I laugh at you, so much...

  26. Watch the funny documentary FAT HEAD to see how ridiculous the guidelines for obesity are. People who would have been considered slightly overweight 20 years ago now find themselves in the obese category.

    Someday the statist monkeys will declare that anyone who has a single drink every night for a week is an alcoholic. We can then look forward to the "epidemic of alcoholism" followed by various government remedies.

    And trolls saying, "Hey! It affects all of us!"

    1. Didn't they do that already? I thought I read somewhere that more than 5 drinks a week was "binging drinking."

      1. I think it's the CDC considers 5 drinks in a single night a "binge". Sounds like a good Saturday night to me, but whatever.

        1. Here's a link from the CDC.

          Money quote:
          The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism defines binge drinking as a pattern of drinking that brings a person's blood alcohol concentration (BAC) to 0.08 grams percent or above.

          1. What is a gram percent?

            1. Something your father will tell you about when you are older. Now go to your room.

      2. I remember filling out those questionnaires that were supposed to tell you if you were at risk for being an alcoholic, stuff like not remembering what you did, getting hurt while drunk, etc. A "yes" to one meant you were at risk, two meant you were almost certainly an alkie. A friend of mine noted that a good night out and you could have said yes to about half of them.

        At any rate, we were all sure-fire AA cases back then, according to the questionnaire. Not one of us is anything close to being an alkie today, and no one's been treated.

        1. "Have you ever, under the influence of alcohol, questioned the teachings of the Mormon church?"

          1. No, but I did once go to the introductory Scientology video presentation under the influence of LSD. Lemme tell ya, that shit makes even less sense tripping balls. What can I say? The perils of West Campus living in Austin included running the Scientologist gamut under the influence of various chemicals.

        2. My roommates and I made a drinking game out of it this past winter. Freshmen year in college accounted for around 10 drinks each.

  27. So, basically: states that are CLOSE TO states that grow a lot of corn and wheat, but aren't actually states that grow lots of corn and wheat.


  28. President's wife makes Olympic gold medalist apologize for eating an Egg McMuffin.

    Let's get movin'!

    I'm telling you, the show Veep is a documentary.

  29. So Toady thinks that people can't be held responsible for their choices because they are just stupid slaves to their environment.

    It strikes me that since the welfare/warfare pushing Toadys of the world are the one's who's policies have creeated an environment in which no one is held responsible for their choices they've pretty much got a self fulfilling prophecy on their hands.

    I really love it. Toady's crowd has dominated policy in the United States for the last hundred years or so with ever increasing control over people's lives and choices but somehow it's the unbridled libertarianism of America that has to be reined in.

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