Brickbat: Strike Two


Jacob Clark is just 9, but he has already been summoned for jury duty twice. He was recently called for jury duty in Orleans District Court in Massachusetts. He was first called for jury duty when he was two.

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  1. I’ve been summoned 2 times but never got to voir dire* and am convinced that a 9-year old would be more reasonable a juror than most of the people who get through.

    *I’ve never even been questioned as my last name, Walstrum, appears late in the alphabet. Those two experiences lead me to believe that no one whose name begins with a letter after “K” have ever served on a jury, ever.

    1. If courts where you are are anything like the courts I have had experience with then it is highly unlikely that you would ever make it past voir dire anyway. Persons with even an average IQ are dismissed very quickly.

    2. I hit submit too quickly.

      My personal theory is that by choosing the absolute dumbest people possible to serve on juries jury trials become a means to railroad defendants. Thus, most defendants are terrified into choosing bench trials instead of jury trials.

      The ‘jury of peers’ is a check on the power of the courts so Judges and prosecutors are loath to giving any control whatsoever over to the public.

    3. I got to voir dire and was released as soon as I revealed my profession, as it was a med-mal case. Odd that the two nurses who also made it to voir dire were, I believe, empaneled*, as they were not released at the same time I was.

      *Yes, physicians are summoned for jury duty, but are generally excused without prejudice. This, however, is not always the case, as you can see.

  2. “He goes: ‘I want to be a Yarmouth police officer so maybe this will help me,'” Clark said.

    The kid’s going to have to gain some weight if he wants to make the cut.

    1. Nothing that can’t be solved with some steroids and a diet rich in donuts!

      1. Is this **Dunphy Signal** worthy?

  3. Well, its supposed to be a jury of peers, right? I’m sure he would fit right in.

    I live near that area. Heavily statist and just generally lame.

  4. At the bottom of the page is a link to the following story

    Cooked Squid Inseminates Woman’s Mouth

    1. Oh, for the love of fuck, NOOOOOO!

      That’s icky.

      Stupid Koreans!

      1. Why icky? It’s no more than many men have tried

        1. Apples and oranges/fried apples, it says ‘cooked’ squid, not ‘living’ squid.

          And if you can find many men that have tried that, then I want to see your cache.

        2. Tried? So many ways to go with this one, spunkiest of sheilas…

          1. Go on, pick up what I’m throwing down

            1. Well, let’s see…there the obvious chomping at the bit, so’s to speak…

              Also, your talents in that area literally took their breath away…

              And to say nothing of the obligatory Viagra jokes…

              Any way you slice it, all of the above are heart stopping (schtupping?). 🙂

    2. Cooked Squid Inseminates Woman’s Mouth

      Yeah, that’s been all over Facebook all weekend.

      1. In more ways than one, I’m sure. Rule 34 looms large.

        1. Preggo Porn Sickos

          1. Preggo Porn Sickos

            Do you have a t-shirt with that slogan?

            1. Out of stock. I only have the XXXL thongs and the fanny packs still for sale.

  5. Has anyone put together a jury nullification coloring book?

    1. Yep: It’s both colour by numbers AND you must stay inside the lines. No tracing of the lines permitted. It’s MENSA worthy (and very similar to pubsec union jobs).

      1. colour

        Do you have something you’d like to admit?

        1. Yes, I like this band. Still.

          And this one too!

          And may I remind you, dearest Sparky, that *both* of these bands have more musical talent than that feculent little twat with whom you are disturbingly enamoured. That’s right, feculent!

          1. *both* of these bands have more musical talent

            HA! That must be why they’re still out there making tons of money… Oh wait…

          2. All I can say Groovus is that musical taste is subjective. * shivers *

            1. Colour me appalled

              1. Ahem, Kylie Minogue?

          3. Y’all can go blow me! And you Sparky, you just keep wanking it to your Little Pustule Princess…to think I called you, “Friend”.

            Both are still touring Sparky, and to say nothing of this little thing called “residuals”.

            Ke$ha can’t even find a SOD-damned loo! MENSA my ass!

      2. It’s MENSA worthy (and very similar to pubsec union jobs).


  6. Sounds like a solid plan to me dude. Wow.

  7. The lovely state of Taxachusetts has also called a cat into jury duty. The owner had to bring the cat to the courthouse to prove to the state that they were mistakenly sending jury duty papers to a cat, not an actual person.

  8. Let him go! Maybe he’ll tell some asshole of a judge true things that the judge doesn’t want to hear.

  9. He was recently called for jury duty in Orleans District Court in Massachusetts. He was first called for jury duty when he was two.

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