Brickbat: Strike Two

Charles Oliver | 6.18.2012 6:00 AM

Jacob Clark is just 9, but he has already been summoned for jury duty twice. He was recently called for jury duty in Orleans District Court in Massachusetts. He was first called for jury duty when he was two.

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Pi Guy 13 years ago

I've been summoned 2 times but never got to voir dire* and am convinced that a 9-year old would be more reasonable a juror than most of the people who get through.

*I've never even been questioned as my last name, Walstrum, appears late in the alphabet. Those two experiences lead me to believe that no one whose name begins with a letter after "K" have ever served on a jury, ever.
1. Suthenboy 13 years ago
  
  If courts where you are are anything like the courts I have had experience with then it is highly unlikely that you would ever make it past voir dire anyway. Persons with even an average IQ are dismissed very quickly.
2. Suthenboy 13 years ago
  
  I hit submit too quickly.
  
  My personal theory is that by choosing the absolute dumbest people possible to serve on juries jury trials become a means to railroad defendants. Thus, most defendants are terrified into choosing bench trials instead of jury trials.
  
  The 'jury of peers' is a check on the power of the courts so Judges and prosecutors are loath to giving any control whatsoever over to the public.
3. Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
  
  I got to voir dire and was released as soon as I revealed my profession, as it was a med-mal case. Odd that the two nurses who also made it to voir dire were, I believe, empaneled*, as they were not released at the same time I was.
  
  *Yes, physicians are summoned for jury duty, but are generally excused without prejudice. This, however, is not always the case, as you can see.
Fist of Etiquette 13 years ago

"He goes: 'I want to be a Yarmouth police officer so maybe this will help me,'" Clark said.

The kid's going to have to gain some weight if he wants to make the cut.
1. Pi Guy 13 years ago
  
  Nothing that can't be solved with some steroids and a diet rich in donuts!
  1. Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
    
    Is this **Dunphy Signal** worthy?
guitargeek 13 years ago

Well, its supposed to be a jury of peers, right? I'm sure he would fit right in.

I live near that area. Heavily statist and just generally lame.
invisible furry hand 13 years ago

At the bottom of the page is a link to the following story

Cooked Squid Inseminates Woman's Mouth
1. Almanian's Evil Twin 13 years ago
  
  Oh, for the love of fuck, NOOOOOO!
  
  That's icky.
  
  Stupid Koreans!
  1. invisible furry hand 13 years ago
    
    Why icky? It's no more than many men have tried
    1. Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
      
      Apples and oranges/fried apples, it says 'cooked' squid, not 'living' squid.
      
      And if you can find many men that have tried that, then I want to see your cache.
    2. Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
      
      Tried? So many ways to go with this one, spunkiest of sheilas...
      1. invisible furry hand 13 years ago
        
        Go on, pick up what I'm throwing down
        
        Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
        
        Well, let's see...there the obvious chomping at the bit, so's to speak...
        
        Also, your talents in that area literally took their breath away...
        
        And to say nothing of the obligatory Viagra jokes...
        
        Any way you slice it, all of the above are heart stopping (schtupping?). 🙂
2. Mr Whipple 13 years ago
  
  Cooked Squid Inseminates Woman's Mouth
  
  Yeah, that's been all over Facebook all weekend.
  1. Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
    
    In more ways than one, I'm sure. Rule 34 looms large.
    1. SugarFree 13 years ago
      
      Preggo Porn Sickos
      1. invisible furry hand 13 years ago
        
        Preggo Porn Sickos
        
        Do you have a t-shirt with that slogan?
        
        SugarFree 13 years ago
        
        Out of stock. I only have the XXXL thongs and the fanny packs still for sale.
Bee Tagger 13 years ago

Has anyone put together a jury nullification coloring book?
1. Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
  
  Yep: It's both colour by numbers AND you must stay inside the lines. No tracing of the lines permitted. It's MENSA worthy (and very similar to pubsec union jobs).
  1. Mo' $parky 13 years ago
    
    colour
    
    Do you have something you'd like to admit?
    1. Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
      
      Yes, I like this band. Still.
      
      And this one too!
      
      And may I remind you, dearest Sparky, that *both* of these bands have more musical talent than that feculent little twat with whom you are disturbingly enamoured. That's right, feculent!
      1. Mo' $parky 13 years ago
        
        *both* of these bands have more musical talent
        
        HA! That must be why they're still out there making tons of money... Oh wait...
      2. Suthenboy 13 years ago
        
        All I can say Groovus is that musical taste is subjective. * shivers *
        
        invisible furry hand 13 years ago
        
        Colour me appalled
        
        Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
        
        Ahem, Kylie Minogue?
      3. Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
        
        Y'all can go blow me! And you Sparky, you just keep wanking it to your Little Pustule Princess...to think I called you, "Friend".
        
        Both are still touring Sparky, and to say nothing of this little thing called "residuals".
        
        Ke$ha can't even find a SOD-damned loo! MENSA my ass!
  2. Mensan 13 years ago
    
    "It's MENSA worthy (and very similar to pubsec union jobs)."
    
    Hey!
DantoRang 13 years ago

Sounds like a solid plan to me dude. Wow.

http://www.Anon-Anon.tk
Hey You Don't Say That 13 years ago

The lovely state of Taxachusetts has also called a cat into jury duty. The owner had to bring the cat to the courthouse to prove to the state that they were mistakenly sending jury duty papers to a cat, not an actual person.
jdgalt 13 years ago

Let him go! Maybe he'll tell some asshole of a judge true things that the judge doesn't want to hear.
tee shirt pas cher 13 years ago

He was recently called for jury duty in Orleans District Court in Massachusetts. He was first called for jury duty when he was two.

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Brickbat: Strike Two

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