Politics

From My Cold Dead Hand: Swedish Pols Want to Outlaw Stand-Up Urination

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Via the Twitter feed of Tabitha Hale comes this tale of government overreach:

A Swedish political party is taking a stand against upright urination.

At a county council meeting Monday, the Left Party, or Vänsterpartiet, tabled a motion that would require office washrooms to be genderless with a sit-down-only requirement, reported the news agency Tidningarnas Telegrambyrå….

Vänsterpartiet, known as a socialist and feminist organization, believes seated urination is healthier for men and more hygienic for both sexes.

Whole thing here.

On the urine-soaked cover of what is arguably their best album, weak-bladdered rock icons Pete Townsend, Roger Daltrey, John Entwistle, and Keith Moon asked Who's Next. In a world in which the mayor of New York seeks to ban large drink cups, the president banned candy at an Easter egg hunt, and Swedes are trying to dictate bathroom habits, we should also ask, what's next?

Time for a Larry Craig link.

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  1. Wow – when you’v moved on to what pee stances are permitted, you really are deep into #FirstWorldProblems territory

  2. The alternative, of course, is to pee sitting down – the dreaded Sitzpinkel. Herein lies the source of much gender conflict, for German women have become increasingly militant in their efforts to encourage or enforce the Sitzpinkel Rule.

    German toilets

    And yes, Swedes are Germans, whether they know it or not.

    1. We are all Germans now.

      Or was thatt Greeks?

      I am confuse…

      1. Germans are Greeks, yes.

    2. Yeah, it is kind of wierd to take a shit only to have it sitting there staring back at you. And if you take big shits, when you flush, it is like waves of an ocean crashing on to a cliff and it splashes water about and gets your asshole all wet.

      1. Yeah, it is kind of wierd to take a shit only to have it sitting there staring back at you.

        Our toilet here at work is your typical “commercial” toilet, in that the flush is assisted with compressed air. Unfortunately, they’ve dialed up the air pressure way too high, and with not nearly enough water. So when you flush, what you get is a roiling cauldron that sprays shit water up onto the seat, but fails to clear the bowl. The temptest is enough to turn even the stoutest of turds into chum, with bits landing on the seat and even the floor. It’s like shitting in a blender then mashing the “Frapp?” button without the lid on. It’s really quite hideous.

        1. Santorum?

          1. Santorum?

            Never thought of it that way before, but yes, it’s a great big Santorum machine.

          2. There’s lube in the toilet when you take a dump?

            Definition: Santorum
            Pronunciation: san-TOR-um
            Function: noun
            Etymology:
            Savage Love – 05/29/03

            1. The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex.

            1. There’s lube in the toilet when you take a dump?

              Depends. Was last night Two-for-One Chimichanga Night at that little hole-in-the-wall Mexican place down the street? Then yes, what goes into the bowl the next morning might have a certain, shall we say, lubricity to it.

    3. German toilets

      From the link:

      “The only conceivable explanation is that Germans love to inspect their stool, so the German toilet of necessity features a built-in stool inspection shelf.”

      So the notion that Germans are scat freaks isn’t a stereotype after all.

      1. I read someplace that it dates back to when the German diet was much more pork-heavy, and this made it easier to inspect stool for worms or parasites from eating not-fully-cooked meat. Or something like that.

        1. I read someplace that it dates back to when the German diet was much more pork-heavy, and this made it easier to inspect stool for worms or parasites from eating not-fully-cooked meat. Or something like that.

          I started reading too, and apparently that’s exactly what it’s for. But since pork is so much safer these days, this design should be obsolete.

          I just can’t imagine the stink of a German bathroom. I mean, it’s bad enough when the turd is exposed to open air just long enough to drop into the water; what about when it’s sitting out on a bone-dry porcelain shelf? And apparently, it takes several flushes to clear the shelf of the skidmarks, and even still, German bathrooms are routinely equipped with toilts brushes that are to be used after every turd.

          Now that I think about it, I’m reverting to my original assessment: German people are scat freaks.

          1. IIANM, it isn’t just pork. Germans eat raw beef as well and although it is rarer (especially in this age of higher standards of hygeine), all meat can have worms which are only killed by cooking to a certain temperature.

          2. Having spent a little time in Germany, I do not recall this aspect of the toilet. I do recall that the seats were round instead of oval, and thus very uncomfortable. But for the life of me I cannot recall any shit inspection shelves.

    4. I’m quite surprised, because urinals use much less water than a regular toilet – some new ones do not even use any water at all.

      And, of course, it’s pretty much unenforceable anyhow.

      So Swedish feminists hate Gaia now?

  3. And an excellent cartoon on the subject.

    1. I don’t understand a word of that, yet it’s still funny. If reason has any cartoonists, they could learn something from it.

      1. The sign says something to the effect of, “In this house, we sit to pee!” and the guy is saying, “Fucking broads!”

        I think. My German is super shitty.

  4. There are so many epic opportunities for protest. A standing piss on the leg of party member being the best. Or off a convenient roof onto their heads. Whichever.

  5. Bring back the Gen. Ben “Beast” Butler accomodation. All toilets are to have a picture of that nation’s current leader at the spot where one’s “business” lands.

  6. V?nsterpartiet, known as a socialist and feminist organization…

    ———————-

    That’s all that’s necessary. You can surmise from that that anything and everything they advocate and propose is mind-numbingly retarded.

    How about deregulating firearms? Or the banking industry?

  7. I don’t know what is more outrageous: banning urinals (especially at sporting events!) or Nick forgetting alt-text.

    1. Sporting events clearly needz moar urinals

  8. Okay, who’s responsible for this leak?

  9. seated urination is healthier for men and more hygienic for both sexes

    It’s more hygienic to sit on a disgusting seat than to not touch anything?

    Are these people fucking retarded?

    1. The spray is the issue here. But yes, they’re retarded.

      1. Isn’t urine supposed to be sterile? It is basically water with a bunch of minerals in it. It is disgusting. But I don’t think it is any more or less unhealthy to run on the floor than water.

    2. Aw, it’s sweet that they’re doing that for our own health. Where have I heard that before? IOW, fuck off, slaving concern troll.

    3. I don’t know about pissing, but you are supposed to squat while shitting.

      http://www.cracked.com/article…..wrong.html

      1. A significant proportion of toilets in Japan are still set up for squatting. I didn’t find the experience to be pleasant, though it was probably faster.

        1. though it was probably faster.

          I’d consider that a bug rather than a feature.

        2. A significant proportion of toilets in Japan are still set up for squatting.

          Same with Malaysia – it was just a tiled hole in the floor. Also, there was no toilet paper, so I assume you’re expected to bring your own or use your hand.

          1. With a proper squat you don’t need paper. Or leaves or corncobs or whatever.

        3. Explosive diarrhea and squat toilets are a very bad combination. Trust me on this.

          1. Explosive diarrhea and squat toilets are a very bad combination. Trust me on this.

            So that’s what happened to those white Prada stilettos . . .

        4. I found the squat style toilets take much longer.

          For one thing, because I had to remove my trousers entirely so I didn’t shit on them or splash anything on them, then find a place to hang them up for a while, and afterwards dress again. What would normally take two minutes took about fifteen minutes.

      2. the researchers found that pooping took about a minute less when done squatting

        What the fuck? That implies it was taking more than a minute before?

  10. OT:

    Your government at work:

    A report by the Government Accountability Office presented to the Senate subcommittee on Federal Financial Management found that “private contractors received $102 million to review Medicaid fraud data, yet had only found about $20 million in overpayments since 2008.”

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/…..story.html

    1. If you threw darts at Medicaid data, you’d find more than that.

  11. Viggo Hansen, a substitute council member who authored the motion, told Sveriges Television that that the move does not represent an attempt to meddle in the bathroom habits of citizens.

    It’s SOP for someone trying to meddle in your affairs to say, “I’m not trying to meddle in your affairs.”

    1. “I’m not trying to meddle in your affairs.”

      Which should be rejoined with, “Good, then you won’t mind when I tell you to fuck right off.”

      1. “Piss off!” would be more appropriate here.

        1. I was going to go with “Piss on them.”

  12. I’ve heard of this before (I don’t recall if it was Sweden or not). The ultra-feminists pushing it insisted that when a man pees standing up it’s an act of aggression against women.

    1. I met a fellow from Ume? who said it was being decried as an “overt display of masculinity.”

    2. I sense a large mass movement of pissing on the seat coming up.

      Seriously, how the fucking fuck do these idiots think they can force sitting? It’s a toilet. I can either piss into it or onto it. You choose, Helga.

    3. I never thought of it that way. But from now on I’ll try to think of it as an act of aggression against communist fucking hags.

    4. The ultra-feminists pushing it insisted that when a man pees standing up it’s an act of aggression against women.
      That is the funniest thing I have read today. I almost don’t believe it’s a real quote.

  13. Next time I’m in Sweden I’ll split the difference and piss in the sink.

  14. How can it possibly be “healthier for men” to be seated? Do they think are cave man ancestors sat down on a tree to take a leak? Isn’t it safer to touch as little surface area as you can in a public restroom, especially in Sweden?

  15. Man was Kieth Moon short.

      1. Amazing how one band got both a bass player and drummer who both could arguably be considered the best in the world.

    1. He was 5’9″

      He just looks small because he’s standing the furthest back.

  16. what’s next?

    Easy: a law mandating that from now on you must wipe your ass from front to back when you take a shit. Wiping front to back has shown to reduce the chances of developing hemorroids caused by toilet paper irritation. We’ll save millions of dollars in healthcare costs by not having to pay for hemorroid treatments.

    1. Toilet Safety Administration

      1. “I just need to inside yer aaaasssshole.”

        1. *check inside

          dammit

  17. “It’s only your dick. If it’s so dirty that after handling it you need to wash your hands, you may as well just go ahead and scrub your dick while you’re at it.”
    -George Carlin

    1. I keep my dick sparking clean, from frequent, frequent latherings…
      I always wash my hands before I pee.

      1. It’s kept nicely soft too with all that moisturizer…

    2. Fecal coliform would like a word or two.

      1. You’ve got fecal matter on your dick?

      2. Don’t answer that. It’s none of my business and I’d like to keep it that way.

        1. “It was a friend! Yes, a friend who had this happen to him!”

  18. Its hard (no pun intended) not to say, “they can come (no pun intended) for my hand held penis when they pry it out of my vasaline covered hand.”
    But seriously, you just want to say “get a grip people!”

  19. This is only appropriate: http://www.southparkstudios.co…..nistration

    1. I think this clip might be moreso: http://www.southparkstudios.co…..us-loggers

  20. V?nsterpartiet, known as a socialist and feminist organization, believes seated urination is healthier for men and more hygienic for both sexes

    Yeah, because not having your body parts touch a urinal is less sanitary than sharing a toilet seat with god knows how many people.

    Nuke feminists today.

  21. from the original article:
    “Party speakers cited medical research they said shows men empty their bladders more efficiently while seated. Improved bladder evacuation reduces the risk for prostate problems, according to the party. It also helps men who sit rather than stand achieve a longer and healthier sex life, it said.”

    I imagine it cures cancer as well, but the true test is: can it make women actually f*ck me? I’m dubious, but I will try anything.

  22. Unisex bathrooms with no urinal? I hope those dykes like sitting in the pee of a man with poor aim. Hell, I’d be aiming for the seat.

    1. Some women like to ‘hover’, (piss while squatting above the seat) in order to avoid contact. Having seen the results, I couldn’t piss that much on the seat if I tried.

  23. Another aspect to this: mandating unisex bathrooms. Do that many women really want to share a bathroom with the guys, regardless of our peeing practices?

    Apparently, property rights in Sweden are even more precarious than they are here.

    1. Radfems in the U.S. treat unisex bathrooms as a sign of the End Times, or at least they have since the issue became a convenient club with which to beat transgendered people.

    2. Honestly based on stories I have heard from numerous women the better question is whether men want to share the blood smeared toilet seat and used sanitary pad strewn public restrooms with women.

      1. Having been a janitor at Saks one summer, I can attest to the horror that is the upper class ladies room…

  24. I think someone is taking the whole toilet seat being left up problem just a bit too far

  25. They’ve killed the fine art of writing your name in the snow, of which I’m sure Sweden gets a considerable amount…ah, lost traditions…

    1. On the other hand, the number of fraudulent apple juice snowcones has declined substantially…

  26. Due to a few too many bouts with micturition sycope, I’ve been advised by my doctor that I really ought not pee standing anymore lest I risk yet another head injury.

    From a man who very rarely stands to pee, I can say having it taken from you is definitely like a bit of your soul has been stolen.

  27. When we were in Croatia my five-year-old made friends with a German kid. He later asked me, “Why does Jason pee like a girl?”

  28. This is like Aesop’s fable about the fox who lost his tail: since women can’t pee standing upright, no one should be able to. I sincerely believe that this is the impetus behind this whole movement.

  29. And women wonder why men think that feminists are more concerned with emasculating men than helping women.

  30. I generally pee sitting down if in a modern bathroom.

    Two reasons, 1) I’m lazy and have a wonky knee 2) I believe in multi-tasking and often piss and crap at the same time… and 2a) at home I like to read in the can.

  31. …FROM MY COLD, DEAD HANDS.

  32. So the Swedes have succumbed to the wrath of bitter dyke bitches? Its hard to believe the descendants of Vikings could have become so soft and defenseless.

    Question though….it regards the practicality of this proposed legislation (the Swedes were once known for their practicality)…how will these PC fascists know when someone pees standing up into a toilet?

  33. Old news Mr Gillespie. You should rely less on Twitter and more on AM Links

  34. You would think Swedish feminists might be more concerned about combating Sharia law.

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