Ask a Libertarian

Ask a Libertarian Lightning Round!: Death Penalty, Space Travel, & Grover Cleveland


Welcome to Ask a Libertarian 2012 with Reason's Nick Gillespie and Matt Welch. They are the authors of the book, The Declaration of Independents: How Libertarian Politics Can Fix What's Wrong With America, coming out in paperback with a new foreword covering Occupy Wall Street and more, on June 26.

In this video, they do a lightning round of questions. 

Produced by Meredith Bragg, Jim Epstein, Josh Swain, and Tracy Oppenheimer with help from Katie Hooks.

To watch answers from 2011's Ask a Libertarian series, go here.

NEXT: Heston, Underappreciated Again

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  1. Facebook question: What’s the libertarian position on Farmville subsidies?

  2. Space travel: What Neil Armstrong’s mailbox nearly achieved 24-25 years ago when I launched the fuck out of it more than once, compliments of Louisville Slugger or Worth, while hanging from the door of my buddy’s van.

    1. You messed with Neil Armstrong? That man risked his life so an American could walk on the Moon first and not some godless communist.

    2. You taunt Neil Fucking Armstrong at your peril. Do you think he’s forgotten, small man? Neil Fucking Armstrong never forgets a slight.

    3. When Aldrin gets around to killing you, the jury is just going to ignore the moonrock used as the murder weapon.

      For those who don’t know, Aldrin is Armstrong’s enforcer.

    4. Ken, don’t let them discourage you from bragging about removing improperly secured mailboxes. You were doing God’s work on some of the toughest roads in America.

    5. Let me guess.Neil’s first mail order of artisanal mayonnaise had just arrived.

      1. Mock me all you want. “Hahaha, sloopy’s a fucking nut.”

        Well listen up, motherfuckers. When they overrun the world, don’t come running to me for mustard, cause I’ll just slam the door in your fucking face!

        1. Thirty thousand years from now, the U.S. and all of its works will be forgotten. . .except for one thing: Neil Fucking Armstrong was the first human to set foot on another celestial body. You’re not even a bug in the universe of his greatness.

          1. Thirty thousand years from now, the Eloi won’t even be able to read and they’ll be hiding in trees from the fucking Morlocks.

            And yes, the Eloi will be making the mayonnaise.

            1. Mayo seems more like a Morlockian condiment.

              1. I always assumed the hipsters would evolve into the Eloi.* That’s why the tend to congregate on rooftops and ride bikes with saddles 9 feet off the fucking ground.

                *I expect this to happen 15-20 years from now.

                1. It turns out that all that’s gone wrong with the world can be traced back to your unwarranted and heretical attack on Neil Fucking Armstrong, who fucking planted our fucking flag on the fucking Moon, you ungrateful fuck.

                2. It still works, the Eloi make it while the Morlocks slather it on the Eloi. I wonder if they would appreciate the irony?

            2. I thought future-mustard would be made OUT of eloi?

              1. Er, future-mayonaisse. But future-mustard too.

  3. Is there, perhaps, a book I could read, with a title that’s a pun on a famous historical document that explains libertarian ideology and how it would help this country? I can’t seem to think of one other than that Ron Paul book.

    1. But who would write such a book? I’m not sure I could think of anyone qualified to do so.

  4. Do Libertarian men spend all day in a basement trying on each others’ clothes?

  5. I think reality has helped to answer the space exploration question. Whatever ones view of NASA’s historical role may be, it’s becoming clear that the private sector can do spaceflight without government.

  6. Ice Pirates vs Time Bandits?

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