When Vodka-Soaked Tampons Don't Get Teens High, Hand Sanitizer Works Every Time


Was it only last fall that we learned that today's kids, raised on video games, extreme Cheet-os, and high-fructose corn syrup and devoid of any possible future due to deep cuts in the funding of pre-K music programs, student loan debt loads approaching $25,000, and the prospect of having their parents carry their insurance for five extra years were shoving vodka-soaked tampons up their rectums in a desperate attempt to escape this world of ashes for a little while? It all seemed so innocent.

Here's the latest scare ripped from the emergency rooms of the San Fernando Valley where the Brady Bunch once frolicked:

Six teenagers have shown up in two San Fernando Valley emergency rooms in the last few months with alcohol poisoning after drinking hand sanitizer.

Some of the teens used salt to separate the alcohol from the sanitizer, making a potent drink similar to a shot of hard liquor. Distillation instructions can be found on the Internet.

Although there's only been a few cases, county public health toxicology expert Cyrus Rangan says it could signal a dangerous trend.

Half-a-dozen kids in two ERs over the last few months? Get me Quincy, stat! He handled that attempt to push Abby into a "codeine overdose" so well back in the day (circa 2.20):