A.M. Links: Taliban Commander Turns Himself In, Blowback in Yemen, Michigan Lotto Winner Charged With Welfare Fraud

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  • she kept her food stamps

    Internet pioneer Tim Berners-Lee warns that the extension of governments' surveillance power online is the greatest threat to the Internet and a "destruction of human rights."

  • A mid-level Taliban commander turned himself in at a police checkpoint in Afghanistan after seeing himself on a wanted poster, hoping to collect the $100 reward himself.
  • The blowback to America's drone campaign in Yemen could be starting.
  • A lottery winner in Michigan is now facing charges of welfare fraud for collecting food stamps after winning a million dollar jackpot. Said Michigan's Attorney-General: "It's simply common sense that million dollar lottery winners forfeit their right to public assistance". 
  • Chelsea Clinton's struggling at NBC News.
  • Tired of half-naked women posing on their roads and the theft of their signs, the town of Fucking, Austria, is considering changing its name.

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  1. You’re invalid! This whole court is invalid!

    1. Dude, don’t make fun of the cripples.

      1. I’m sure glad they wrote that Chelsea Clinton article and blew her cover because theretofore I had just figured someone had randomly noticed her raw natural talent and made this rags to riches story happen.

        1. Rodents! Also, I just got invalidated for the first time.

          1. Bwahahahahaha!

          2. Bwahahahaha!

          3. Hasn’t happened to me yet.

        2. First they came for Sparky, and I didn’t speak out because…

          1. … you were secretly relieved

            1. Secretly?

              1. Fuck. You. All. EOM

      2. Cripples? I thought we had a new saying for them, like handy capable.

        1. Handy?!? I thought they were saying hardly! That explains a lot.

        2. Handy capable? They already threw “differently-abled” on the scrap heap?

          1. I might have them out of order. Certainly not up to date on the latest cripples renaming.

  2. Alright, which one of you preverts was this?

    I didn’t see John yesterday…

    1. I didn’t see John yesterday…

      Curious, to say the least. CNN reported on this as well, and they included a photo of the guy. And when I picture a guy who likes his women large, earthy, and “natural” (that is, John), I imagine him looking just like this guy.

      1. Hey, that dude has some stones, and his protest was entirely appropriate. he deserves a medal.

        1. Hey, that dude has some stones, and his protest was entirely appropriate. he deserves a medal.

          I agree with you wholeheartedly, and if I could, I’d buy this man a steak dinner. We all owe guys like this a debt of gratitude for doing what none of the rest of us have the balls to do.
          But my point still stands that he looks like a guy who likes with women large, earthy, and “natural.”

          In other words, he looks like John.

          1. Add 20-30 years, and that’s your man.

            1. Bets on this guy getting charged with a sex crime?

      2. Hahahahahaha
        From now on, I will picture John wearing those glasses in every comment he posts.

        1. It’s the beard that’s gonna stick with me.

          1. that’s what she said.

            1. That’s what John said about her.

  3. Hey I want to go to Fucking Austria. And Fucking Costa Rica too.

    1. Fucking Costa Rica…appropriate. Been there, all they do is drink and screw and the women are beautiful. Ahhh….the good ole days……

    2. It was totally next on my list of places to see.

    3. They’re tired of signs being stolen? Why the hell don’t they start selling them?

      1. great idea, but this is govt we’re talking about. Zero entrepreneurial initiative. Think of the concession the town could realize from t-shirts and whatever other type of paraphernalia. A couple of adult novelty shops probably have an idea or two in mind: “Ma’am, would like the Big Fucking or the Regular?” One takes AA batts, the other needs AAA.

    4. why do the signs have to be physical? They could have a hologram of some celebrity holding a sign saying Fucking A.

      1. “THAT IS NOT HOW HOLOGRAMS WORK, LINDA!!!”
        -Morbo

  4. THIS IS A PSA RE: COPY/PASTE FUNCTIONS WITH HTML TAGS

    I think I found the problem, at least with my setup. I’m running Firefox 11 with NoScript 2.3.7. In order to get copy/paste functionality back I had to allow googletagservices.com through NoScript. My list of allows for this site is:

    reason.com
    googleapis.com
    googletagservices.com
    google.com

    I’ve tested a couple of times now and it seems to be working again for me.

    1. I’m running Chrome and typing the markup manually. Haven’t had any issues.

      1. Are you using NoScript? I think that is where the problem really lies.

        1. Since this is my work comp. my only extension is AdBlock.

        2. Are you using NoScript? I think that is where the problem really lies.

          Negative. I don’t even know what NoScript is and it happens to me.

    2. I didn’t know Firefox went to 11. Good times!

    3. I’m violating my company’s interwebs use policy – and probably my personal interwebs provider’s TOS – as we speak write, so THROW ME IN THE CLINK.

  5. XKCD’s hilarious take on the “can you guess which idiot said the following” style of tedious political commentary.

    1. Your comment contains a logical fallacy. xkcd is the opposite of hilarious.

      1. Your failure to understand and appreciate the content does not cause xkcd to suck.

        1. You’re right. It sucks whether or not one “appreciates the content”.

      2. Of all the things on the Internet that suck xkcd would not be one of them

  6. A Florida criminal-defense lawyer explains why the Zimmerman probable-cause affidavit is deficient (with case citations).

  7. …the town of Fucking, Austria is considering changing its name.

    Wilkommen to Dichsukken, Austria!

    1. Anal Weiss
      Anal Weiss
      Youuuuu look happy to greeeeeet me
      Soft but tight
      Black or white
      You look happy to meeeeeeet me

      /SugarFree-esque songs

    2. Suchst du bisexenlieber? Wilkommen bei bisexenlieberwebsite.com!

      1. +zwie

        1. +sechs

          1. +69

    3. Copulating, Austria

      1. Goddam, Austria

      2. I always snicker when I see a COIT truck on the road.

        1. Here’s hoping they have a .us website. But no, I’m not going to check.

      3. Or, Copulating Austria.

  8. I can get you out of jail for improperly accepting food stamps for the price of…say…ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!!

    Mwaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha!!

    1. Jokes on you. Half her winnings were already claimed by Uncle Sam and Uncle Badger.

  9. From your daily Grants Which Ought Not Have Been Granted news, a couple of sentences demonstrating once again that, as out there as it may be, American academia has nothing on European academia in the insanity department:

    Researcher Nicolas Gueguen of France’s Universite de Bretagne-Sud, said the findings showed that teachers, parents and doctors should consider tattoos and piercings as potential “markers” for alcohol abuse.

    But fellow scientist Myrna Armstrong from Texas Tech University, who reviewed the paper, cautioned against a “tendency to see a tattoo or piercing and automatically profile or stereotype that individual as a ‘high-risk person’.”

    Also:

    Tattoos and piercings are relatively new phenomena in France

    Really? Do we have any resident frogs that can confirm? Because that seems strange to me.
    de Rugy?

    1. Tattoos no longer tell you much. In the ER we have always relied on the tooth-to-tattoo ratio to reveal degree of shitbirdness.

      1. Tattoos no longer tell you much.

        Au Contraire. Amount, location, content, and most importantly, quality, of tats can reveal oodles of information about patients.

        1. I am intrigued (really). Can you expand on this?

          1. Amongst other things, prison-made tats are immediately recognizable. And, I don’t know, but the Marine I took care of years ago who had an eye tattooed in the middle of his forehead wasn’t really screwed down all that tight.

            1. took care of

              Would you say that you iced him?

              1. As it happens, someone else had almost done that.

            2. What Ice said. I was going to go into the joys of liver problems, blood diseases and immune markers that arise from home-made and prison-made tats.

              The rest is basically psychiatric stuff. Usually the person get a tat to either draw attention to or away from other body parts, but using tats should not be a primary indicator of psych distress.

              Best case I remember was a STSG (split thick skin graft) on a guy that burned his ass and left leg and I had to take skin from the other, complete with half a huge Taz tat, and fill in the debrided area.

              Also, use of tats to cover scars (such as a cute butterfly to cover a Caesarian scar) and keloids is not uncommon.

            3. Oh, OK. I was wondering if you meant things like Japanese associating irezumi with being yakuza, that sort of thing, although I guess perhaps prison tats are the US version of that. It’s funny though, I would have thought the Marine with the eye tat was a Buddhist or some other Eastern religion.

              1. I was wondering if you meant things like Japanese associating irezumi with being yakuza, that sort of thing,

                Well, yes, that type of ritual tattooing as well, but one has to be careful about making assumptions like that, so tact is invaluable. It can be…hazardous.

              2. Beautiful irezumi and the maximally skanky US prison tattoos should not be mentioned in the same sentence.

    2. my husband went to the Doc many moons ago, and his two tattoos cause the Doc to ask if he was in a gang.

      1. He was politely asking when your husband had his last tetanus shot.

      2. To be fair, swastika tattoos will make people wonder.

        1. Umm, I’m told.

    3. I thought the rule of thumb was tattoos and piercing = willing to do anal.

      1. Sadly, now it means nothing more than “Look at me!”

  10. The Population Control Holocaust
    There is a single ideological current running through a seemingly disparate collection of noxious modern political and scientific movements, ranging from militarism, imperialism, racism, xenophobia, and radical environmentalism, to socialism, Nazism, and totalitarian communism. This is the ideology of antihumanism: the belief that the human race is a horde of vermin whose unconstrained aspirations and appetites endanger the natural order, and that tyrannical measures are necessary to constrain humanity. The founding prophet of modern antihumanism is Thomas Malthus (1766-1834), who offered a pseudoscientific basis for the idea that human reproduction always outruns available resources. Following this pessimistic and inaccurate assessment of the capacity of human ingenuity to develop new resources, Malthus advocated oppressive policies that led to the starvation of millions in India and Ireland….

    1. OK, what have you done with the REAL Johnny Longtorso?

      1. You could probably connect population control to the Golden Girls in five degrees or fewer.

        1. “the human race is a horde of vermin”

          Shit, you can get plenty of that thought from reading PETA propaganda or your average AGW handwringer tract.

          Or listening to anyone who uses the phrase “breeders”.

    2. “the natural order”

      Exactly what the fuck is that?

    3. This is the ideology of antihumanism: the belief that the human race is a horde of vermin whose unconstrained aspirations and appetites endanger the natural order, and that tyrannical measures are necessary to constrain humanity.

      Just ask Tony. Thankfully our wise masters have come up with enough important laws to make sure nothing bad ever happens.

      1. like SB1070?

        1. You can’t refer to legislation by its code. If it doesn’t have “care”, “gate”, or “Buffett”, then I can’t be bothered.

          1. SB1070 = browngate

          2. its skeletor’s browngate

        2. Can’t tell Orrin, sarcasm or not?

    4. That article pissed me right off (in the way it intended, that is). War on Women indeed.

      I sort of hope it will be given a thorough credibility checking, given how X-files some of it came across.

  11. “It’s simply common sense that million dollar lottery winners forfeit their right to public assistance”.

    When did common sense start having anything to do with government programs?

  12. “It’s simply common sense that million dollar lottery winners forfeit their right to public assistance,” Attorney General Bill Schuette said in a statement Tuesday.

    So we’re basing prosecutions on common sense now, are we?

    1. It’s simply common sense that you’ll make cops mad if you video them.

    2. I seriously hope she wins. Let people live in the absurd world their statist utopian fantasies have created.

      1. ^This

        At least until it all comes crashing down.

    3. The disconnect between a guy talking about common sense and an imagined right to public assistance in the same sentence is astronomical.

    4. If they have an income test, but no asset test, then I could easily see a lottery winner qualifying. Looks like Michigan has an asset test, so she’s probably out of luck.

      1. After the year of the win, anyway.

  13. A mid-level Taliban commander turned himself in at a police checkpoint in Afghanistan after seeing himself on a wanted poster, hoping to collect the $100 reward himself.

    Sounds like he would be right at home in the Bronx.

    1. Still Suki, still fucking worthless.

    2. $100? We could save a hell of a lot of money and probably be a lot more successful by not skimping on the bounties for senior and mid-level al Qaeda operatives. The alternative of striking random parts of the desert with $1M missiles does not seem a cost-effective use of our dollars.

      …and then I remember that the whole point is funnelling money to defense contractors and the military-industrial complex, not to actually capture terrorists who probably don’t endanger US security running around in the Afghan wilderness.

    3. We should applaud his initiative, but it’s surprising he didn’t commit one or two atrocities to drive the price up a bit.

    1. Reminds me of the “Far Side” with the kid who – unfortunately – got the seat in the airplane with the two buttons:

      “Wings Stay On”
      “Wings Fall Off”

      Get me an ergonomist, STAT!

    2. Very weak article.

      1. Almost like it was written for a pittance by high college students.

    3. Without any functioning engines, the jet became a large piece of metal suspended in the air and did what large pieces of metal suspended in the air tend to do.

      The Gimli Glider would like a word with the author of this article. Fucking aerodynamics, how do it work?

      1. Well, they all come to ground eventually. Its just a question of the rate of descent.

        1. Have you ever noticed near the end of a commercial flight, the pilot or chief flight attendant always announces “we’ll be on the ground shortly?” Never “we’ll be landing shortly.” I always add in my mind, “one way or another.”

          1. “That part’ll happen pretty definitely. “

      2. If the writer understood anything about aerodynamics, or anything else useful for that matter, they wouldn’t be writing humor articles for cracked.com.

  14. Is it just the angle, or does the welfare queen look a bit like Jenna Haze?

    1. Great. Now I have morning wood.

    2. I wouldn’t know, because I have never heard of this *squinting at screen* “Jenna Haze” of whom you speak.

    3. Jenna is no welfare queen.

      1. Bow chicka wowwow….

        /porn soundtrack

    4. She doesn’t look anything like Jenna Haze…she has African features.

  15. Tired of half-naked women posing on their roads and the theft of their signs, the town of Fucking, Austria is considering changing its name.

    I love how the Telegraph article is half censored.

    1. “Fucking, A****ia is considering changing its name….”

      1. At least it’s not Fucking, Belgium.

        1. Did you get an award for gratuitous use of Belgium in an unrelated thread?

          1. Rory!

          2. +42

  16. Another test.

  17. Meanwhile, in Sweden, one of those happy socialist countries that liberals are trying to turn America into…

    Cake!

    1. I will never eat cake again.

      1. You shouldn’t, it will go straight to your hips.

    2. My Holocaust Awareness cake was also kind of a non-starter.

    3. Blackface cake. What will they think of next?

      Wait – I don’t really want to know…

    4. Is that some kind of reverse cannibal thing?

      1. As part of the installation, which was reportedly meant to highlight the issue of female circumcision, the culture minister began cutting a large cake shaped like a black woman, symbolically starting at the clitoris.

        Never mind. The truth makes much more sense.

    5. It’s OK when Swedes do this cos they’re progressive. They certainly aren’t sexist or racist. Also they have a yummy chocolate treat called negerboll which means … oh wait…

      1. except they’re calling for her resignation…& for payment on the cake
        pause/resume memes

    6. Meanwhile, in Sweden

      And from this, I have learned that there exists something called the National Afro-Swedish Association, which shall serve as my dose of of cognitive dissonace for the day.

        1. Somewhat relevant

          And thoroughly awful!

          1. I know. ;( I have earwormed myself with it, too. Dammit.

            1. I know. ;( I have earwormed myself with it, too. Dammit.

              I have to confess, I had the speakers muted (I’m at work), so I saw only the video. Out of sheer masochistic curiosity, I’ll gave it the full treatment when I get home.

      1. NASA?

    7. I was on an overnight ferry from Denmark to Poland in the mid-nineties, and the boat’s lounge entertainer was doing a blackface routine. He was well received; I felt a bit out of place.

    8. Say what you will of Sweden, but they definitely make the best fucking metal.

  18. I’m sure glad they wrote that Chelsea Clinton article and blew her cover because theretofore I had just figured someone had randomly noticed her raw natural talent and made this rags to riches story happen.

    1. “No, no, there’s no way to get out of this. If we don’t hire her kid, we’ll be locked out. Completely. You know how the Clintons are.”

      “Yeah but this is too much. She’s got no talent and no sex appeal. Totally 8th grade school news.”

      “Look we are going to throw some staff at her and if that doesn’t work we’ll just limit her pieces to human interest and fluff.”

      1. This sounds entirely too plausible to be satire.

        1. I thought those were more quotes from the article.

          Honestly, it’s almost a paraphrasing.

    2. Chelsea Clinton is where liberals get the idea that wealth is never really earned without government assistance.

      1. that was clear from the wall st bailouts & bonuses.
        pause/ resume memes

    1. Okay, but ask yourself what happened when a little dog and a little cat became friends?

      Shit tons of cuteness, that’s what

      1. Icy heart… MELTING.

    2. The use of the phrase “happy ending” is a little disconcerting, but hey, who am I to judge?

  19. Tired of half-naked women posing on their roads and the theft of their signs, the town of Fucking, Austria is considering changing its name.

    Ed, Austria is not a town. Fucking is a great modifier but you should at least get the Fucking geography right.

    1. It’s ok, they were lepers.

      1. Does every thread have to be about Papillon today?

        1. Leave my small dog out of this!

    2. Sure it’s not another one of those cakes?

    3. The one of the guys holding the legs and grinning cracked me up.

      1. I don’t know about cracking me up but IMO this definitely falls in the BFD category.

        1. It’s definitely no Abu Ghraib Part Deux.

    4. Stuck in a hellhole surrounded by a bunch of backwards barbarians who throw acids in girls faces for the “crime” of trying to attend school, it’s not too surprising that our soldiers would eventually start doing shit like this.

    5. While for PR purposes it’s probably not a good idea to do something like that…I’m not very sympathetic to the need to “respect” the corpses of people who try to blow other people up.

  20. Finally, the battle we’ve all been waiting for:

    Paul vs. Paul

    Ultimate showdown!

    1. I thought this was going to be Paul Rubens vs Paul Lynde. Imagine my surprise…

    2. THIS is the Ultimate Showdown.

      1. You mean the one of Ultimate Destiny?

  21. Chelsea Clinton’s struggling at NBC News.

    Chelsea Clinton is the voice of her generation!

    Belie’ dat.

    Someday she’s going to be president. If Chelsea doesn’t make it big as a reporter, she will end up running for a seat in Massachusetts or maybe Vermont anyway.

    The future cannot be stopped. And the future is Chelsea Clinton…

    http://littleurl.info/ae6

    1. That’s a face just begging to be the guest at a bukkake party

      1. Was it absolutely necessary to go there?

        1. yes

  22. “When Chelsea’s critics are ready to step forward and use their names, she’ll be more than happy to answer them. In the meantime, she’s enjoying working for NBC and NBC is glad she’s a part of their team.”

    Do the Clintons still have access to people’s FBI files?

    1. Of course not, that would be illegal!

      …but files do periodically turn up in Hillary’s desk.

      No one knows how they get there.

      1. Vince Foster did.

        1. That’s the guy that died tragically in a hunting accident, isn’t it?

          1. Actually, I think he fell into an industrial vat of cheez whiz. With a gun.

            1. I heard it was a hunting accident.

              …in his office.

              1. Ken, you are completely humor impaired.

                1. Mine’s funnier than yours!

                  1. it’s like watching Rosie O’Donnell and Roseanne Barr arguing about who’s prettier

                    1. Tallest midget.

            2. everyone knows vince committed suicide by shooting himself in the back…multiple times!

              1. …and then dragging his dead self to a federal park…

    2. “When Chelsea’s critics are ready to step forward and use their names, she’ll be more than happy to have them destroyed, bankrupted and jailed.”

    3. The DONDEEEEEEEEEEEERRRO gambit!

  23. The Nation on How to Close the Wage Gap in 7 easy steps.

    The short answer? MOAR GOVERNMENT.

    But for those interested, the 7 steps are:

    1. End salary secrecy.
    2. Raise the minimum wage
    3. Fix the broken career pipeline.
    4. Pass family leave policies.
    5. Increase childcare support.
    6. Encourage unionization.
    7. End occupational segregation.

    So, there

    1. When everyone’s unemployed, we will finally have equality!

    2. Who knew it was that easy?

    3. I see OWS’ers went corporate. I thought they were griping they couldn’t get jobs.

    4. what praytell is the broken career pipeline? Is it made out metal?

      1. I would tell you, but I am under the tyranny of invalidated comments.

        1. same here… it’s too much hassle to post (many) links now. I am no longer free to gambol across Reason’s fruited plain.

          1. And it is slightly less fruited because of your absence.

            1. See? You laugh and laugh and you say “hey, it’s not affecting me” and before you know it your freedoms are pulled right out from underneath you.

      2. Yes, and everyone knows you fill a pipe from the top, instead of like this:

        they need to move women into higher-paying positions and stop dumping them in lower ones off the bat

      3. Hey, we can fix that. Somebody tell me what size and spec you want for that pipeline and I can get you a quote.

    5. So, basically, their idea is to continue to work young people with no kids into the ground for less pay in the name of “fairness”. Okay.

    6. Uh right.

      #1 would actually be a good idea and a large benefit to the employees but I’m still not sure that government mandating it is a good way to get there.

      #2 is an economic fallacy. Raising the Minimum wage any significant amount can only result in one of 2 things. Greater unemployment as jobs are no longer profitable or inflation as prices rise to accomodate the new higher wages.

      #3 and what exactly is the broken “career pipeline”, what should be done to fix it?

      #4 we already have this.

      #5 Ditto

      #6 See #2, Unionization cannot raise wages on a wide scale. It can raise wages for the union members relative to the rest of society, however if unionization is widespread said wage increases will only cause prices to rise in step resulting in no benefit to anyone.

      #7 What exactly is occupational segregation?

      1. 1. Why do you hate the productive?
        2. Why do you hate the poor?
        3. Why do you hate women and minorities?
        4. Why do you hate parents?
        5. Why do you hate children?
        6. Why do you hate blue collar workers?
        7. Why do you hate the uneducated?

    1. Mittens rolls with a dog on his roof. Iggy wants to be your dog. Obama wants to eat your dog?

      Mittens was named after his mother’s childhood kitten. Iggy used to used to treat the stage like a litter box. What the hell’s “Barack” mean in Swahili?

      1. What the hell’s “Barack” mean in Swahili?

        Tax the rich. Or bringer of peace. Something like that.

        Seriously, means “Blessing, prosperity, and/or abundance.”

        1. Seriously, [Barrack] means “Blessing, prosperity, and/or abundance.”

          So his dad was an ironic hipster?

          1. I don’t know the Kenya equivalent of PBR, but I’m sure the horn rimmed glasses were genuine ivory.

    2. Malcolm X’s grandson, El-Hajj Mallik El-Shabazz

      Ok, c’mon, that’s a spoof name, right?

      1. “Why do you waff when I say the name ‘Biggus Dickus’?”

    3. I saw a link on drudge to this. Seriously? This is such a retarded thing to report. Millions of people eat dog meat. This is just begging for progressives to sniff at.

    1. So, the stupid comment invalidation won’t let me post text from the article, but if you read it the guy festishizes the duty to retreat.

      1. How are you supposed to retreat when someone’s on top of you, pounding your head?

        1. “But Florida law remains unique. Unlike Texas law, for example, which does not permit deadly force to be used by someone who provokes hostile action, Florida allows someone to use deadly force even if his conduct somehow created the very threat to which his lethal force responds. So if, as Zimmerman claims, Martin walked toward him and asked why he was following him, and Zimmerman reasonably felt threatened by that question, Florida gives him permission to shoot, even though his very conduct provoked Martin’s question.”

        2. maybe try following instructions not to follow him.

          1. This keeps being reported. They keep playing the clip where the dispatcher tells him “We don’t need you to follow him” and Zimmerman says “ok”. I know that’s the case the prosecutor’s bringing, although he didn’t violate any law even if he did continue. Yet, I’m not seeing where in the facts revealed they finalized the conclusion he continued to do so?

      2. test #3, copy pasta from article:

        But there is almost no chance the state will be able to obtain a conviction

  24. I have listened to your pleas, and have given you people what you always demand ever more of…

    2012 April 18

    1. It’s missing the “Blow” label. Shoddy work.

      1. The Ukraine can have you.

        1. You artsy types are all alike. So touchy and irritable and all serious like. Eat some graham crackers and drink some OJ. Your sugar is probably low.

    2. “Some D-Bag”
      Heh.

    3. If anyone in that picture should be facepalming, its some dbag, not Obama.

    4. “Not this asshole again”

  25. 2012
    “Tired of half-naked women posing on their roads and the theft of their signs, the town of Fucking, Austria, is considering changing its name. ”

    2112
    “Tired of half-naked men posing on their roads and the theft of their signs, the planet Uranus, is considering changing its name.”

    1. I was in this Bible class in high school, and the teacher was going on about Voyager 2, which was just flying by said planet, and the images were just being broadcast on TV. The idea was supposed to be about how this showed how amazing God’s creation is, etc…

      My friend Steve held up his hand and said, “Mr. So and So, back in my dorm room? I have a six foot by six foot picture of Uranus on my wall…”

      I started laughing, then everyone started laughing… But the thing that was really funny? Was that I knew he really did! Sometimes boarding school sucks–but sometimes you can’t get in trouble because on your wall, there really is a six foot by six foot picture of Uranus.

    2. Tired of half-naked women posing on their roads

      I’m struggling with this one.

      1. Issues with quality control, perhaps?

  26. Levon Helm, icon of Americana music, ‘in the final stages of cancer’
    Link

    1. Shit dude, you just ruined my day. I didnt know. Fuck.

  27. So, apparently, Lena Dunham, creator of HBO’s Girls is the voice of my generation. Occupy Wall Street is also supposed to be the angry cry of my generation.

    So… is there some way to secede? Do I have to file out paperwork… or what?

    1. Just start describing yourself as an “old soul”, that seems to convey the meaning you’re after.

    2. What, who was the voice of Gen X? I mean, besides Billy Idol.

      1. Kevin Smith?

        1. Bart Simpson?

      2. jessie ventura?

      3. I thought it was Molly Ringwald.

      4. Bret Easton Ellis: Numb to the horror and too bored to be filled with hate.

        1. nah, that was Debbie Gibson

        2. I’ll go with that, but couldn’t we have gotten a better writer?

          Oh, wait, that would have required like, work, and stuff. So I guess we got the voice we deserved.

      5. Stifler’s mom?

      6. Robert Smith: he captured the angst and sadness that marked that era.

      7. According to the Media, Kurt Cobain and Ferris Bueller

        1. I’ll take somebody who a) didn’t marery a frightening skank or b) didn’t suck start a Mossberg. So, both of them are out.

      8. Sorry, all wrong: Henry Rollins.

        Yeah, I share your pain too.

        1. I lost a lot of respect for Rollins when I saw him do a spoken word bit just before the 2008 elections that was literally hours of “even if you have no idea of what the fuck is going on, it’s important to vote! Make sure you vote!”

          Gee, I wonder who he wanted people to vote for there.

      9. Terri Schiavo.

  28. California’s State Treasurer Is Getting Pummeled By His Wife’s Sex Tape Scandal
    It has been a rough year for California State Treasurer Bill Lockyer.
    After struggling through state budget and pension crises, the 70-year-old Democrat is now embroiled in a convoluted soap-opera scandal involving his young wife and what the San Francisco Chronicle reports as a sex tape she made with a guy she met in rehab.
    Revelations of the sex tape came to light after Lockyer’s 40-year old wife, Nadia, an Alameda County Supervisor, called police on Feb. 3 after she was allegedly assaulted in a motel by an “ex-boyfriend.”…

    1. a sex tape she made with a guy she met in rehab.

      What could possibly go wrong?

      1. marrying grandpa for starters

      2. Drug resistant syphilis?

      3. Aneuploidy?

      4. What could possibly go wrong?

        He married a woman 30 years younger who was named Nadia. What could possibly go wrong?

        1. He probably thought she was “gymnastic”.

    1. Awesome. She’s gonna destroy his career on her way out. Good on her.

  29. ‘I watched my lover die on Skype because Indian police would not break down door’: Girlfriend reveals TEN hour ordeal after lover cut his throat in video call

    A distraught girlfriend told today how she watched in horror as her partner killed himself in front of her – 7,000 miles away over the internet on Skype.

    Panic-stricken she alerted the UK police who managed to contact the local authorities in Delhi but they were unable to help the 53-year-old after he refused to open his front door.

    An inquest today heard that laws in India prevented the local police and paramedics from smashing their way into Mr Rowland’s flat and saving his life.

    1. If only it had been in America, so they could have smashed their way in and shot him before he bled to death.

      1. He had a knife!

        1. And it was already covered in blood.

          1. The officers rightly feared for their lives.

  30. “Since last May, the extremist group’s Yemeni branch, known as the Partisans of Sharia (Islamic law), has seized several towns in the lawless south and east, including Zinjibar, capital of Abyan province.”

    ZINJIBAR HAS FALLEN! AAIIIEE!

    1. loose the drones of war!

  31. I really think all of you should watch the pilot episode of Girls. The lazy entitlement of the characters is very informative about the OWS mindset.

    Her literally throwing herself to the floor and having a tantrum after her parents refuse her attempt to convince them to support her for two more years so that she will not have to get a job while living in NYC is hilarifying.

    And the sex scene is about as bad as anything I’ve ever written.

    1. Is CHelsea Clinton in it?

      1. One girl is just about ugly enough to play her. And two of the four are fat. I know that excites a segment of our commenter pool.

      2. Tentatively he broached the subject;”So I was wondering if maybe you could, you know, move a little. Make some noise…”
        Her salad fork make an impossibly loud clatter as she dropped it to her plate.
        “What? I’m Chelsea Clinton and I’m the greatest thing that has ever, or will ever happen to you. So don’t you even think about criticising me. Ever.”
        Then a flurry of movement and the plate flying at his face as his world became became fragments of china and pain. Somewhere in the distance he heard a door slam.
        “That went well” he thought.

        1. Once again, way too plausible to be satire.

    2. And apparently, the writer of that show is supposed to represent and be the voice of my generation.

      …Just fuck, right?

      1. She’s doing something right. On the back of a couple of student films (at my favorite place ever, Oberlin) her parents financing a movie that was all about her trying to convince her parents to give her money, she somehow scored an HBO show at 25.

        The other leads are all children of privilege, too. David Mamet and Linsday Crouse’s daughter, Brian William’s daughter (the only attractive one), and the other one is daughter of a minor rock star (the drummer from Bad Company.)

        1. I’m struggling to think of any scenario in which being the daughter of the drummer from Bad Company could be something to brag about

          1. Well, it allowed her to live in NYC her whole if, go to Oberlin, and become involved in the “downtown art scene.” Which lead to her being a lead on an HBO show with her only acting experience being the movie she starred in with her college friend.

            1. Isn’t this how Wilson Phillips got together?

            2. I saw a montage of her and her distended and very flabby midsection getting dressed and that was about all I needed to see.

          2. When your only other bragworthy “accomplishment” is starring on HBO’s Girls.

            1. It’s better than working for a living.

        2. Hollywood is about the last industry left where nepotism is perfectly acceptable. Publicly traded corps got rid of a lot of that everywhere else.

          1. Hollywood is about the last industry left where nepotism is perfectly acceptable. Publicly traded corps got rid of a lot of that everywhere else.

            In my industry, nepotism is all but embraced. I work with 2 sets of brothers, 4 father-son duos, and several husband-wife couples. Having a close relative “on the inside” is the easiest way to get your foot in the door here.

    3. Well, HBO is showing the goddamned thing every hour on the hour apparently so you’ll have plenty of opportunities. At some point on Monday night it was playing on 4 (of I think 12) of the HBO channels. GoT doesn’t get that much love.

    1. As seen yesterday on reason.com in a fascinating post by Lucy Steigerwald.

      1. speaking of Lucy, perhaps based on this she will lobby for the return of anonbot

        1. @LucyStag I always found Hercule Triathlon’s comments oddly compelling, though maybe I just have a thing for nonstandard capitalization.

          I see Herc has fans too.

          1. Someone has to speak out about the cat menace.

  32. Did you know that Libertarians are evil and are like Communists?
    Link

    the comments, oh the comments…

    I’m not going to lecture you about Jeff Bezos either, although I do want to note that he came out of a hedge fund and he’s ostensibly a libertarian; these aspects of his background make me uneasy, because in my experience they tend to be found in conjunction with a social-darwinist ideology that has no time for social justice, compassion, or charity. (When you hear a libertarian talking about “disruption” and “innovation” what they usually mean is “opportunities to make a quick buck, however damaging the long-term side effects may be”. Watch for the self-serving cant and the shout-outs to abstractions framed in terms of market ideology.)

    1. Like Communists? As far as I can tell, Libertarians ARE Communists. By the way, I am now accepting converts to the school of Socialistic Individualism. Our motto is “You are unique, just like everyone else.”

      1. do you have a cool logo to put on t-shirts, tattoos, etc?

        1. Cool logo? Sure, it’s basically your “member” number superimposed on a circular field of red with a white IndSoc in the middle.

        2. Hold the Red Star proudly, high in hand!

    2. they tend to be found in conjunction with a social-darwinist ideology that has no time for social justice, compassion, or charity.

      Well, she got one out of three, anyway.

      1. He. Charlie Stross. I love his books, can’t bear his politics. Like 99% of the other authors I read.

        1. Sorry. I was reading someone with very sandy panties, and assumed a chick.

    3. OMG Amazon sells books cheap!!!1!!11!!

      Won’t someone think of the children and kill that criminal.

    4. My favorite part:

      (It’s kind of like inflation and deflation in economics. Inflation is bad; deflation, its opposite, is not good, it’s simply differently bad. Similarly, both monopolies and monopsonies are bad.)

      So no matter which way the price of money moves, it’s bad. Got it. /sarc

    5. Thinking there is more to human life than the accumulation of material goods. Funny thing, I keep reading libertarians online saying that it’s all about Freedom but it always seem to come down to the Freedom to keep more of “their” money and sometimes the freedom to smoke dope etc…

      There is not one example of a libertarian society which can be said to have worked. Like ‘perfect’ communism, it just doesn’t exist (I might defer to an earlier poster that actually communism does work in small family units, but not libertarian ones.)

      1. Medieval iceland?

        1. So you agree that libertarianism is a medieval philosophy, not fit for modern society.

        2. That’s the treasured an-cap example, not the libertarian one.

          Of course we don’t know much about what actually happened in Saga Iceland other than that they built a ton of castles during that era and begged the King of Norway to take them over at the end. Neither of which is a good indicator.

      2. (I might defer to an earlier poster that actually communism does work in small family units, but not libertarian ones.)

        My family, which is currently composed entirely of adults, is libertarian to the point of anarchy. None of us uses force or the threat of force on family members, and this was true even when my brother and I were teenagers.

        Sounds like most families I know.

    6. When you hear a libertarian progressive talking about “disruption” and “innovation” social justice what they usually mean is “opportunities to make a quick buck, however damaging the long-term side effects may be”. Watch for the self-serving cant and the shout-outs to abstractions framed in terms of market ideology oppression and privilege.)

  33. I saw parts of that. She’ll see things differently when her dragon eggs hatch.

    1. That being HBO’s Girls.

  34. the town of Fucking, Austria, is considering changing its name

    Meanwhile, life goes on as usual in the tiny hamlet of Arschloch, Ohio.

    1. and in Felch Township, Dickinson County, Michigan

      1. Climax, MI will be keeping its name. We will also not be changing Exit 69, Big Beaver Rd, in Troy, MI.

        1. How about Big Bone Lick State Park in Kentucky?

          But it gets even better, to quote from the Wiki page…

          “Big Bone Lick State Park is located at Big Bone in Boone County, Kentucky. It is located on Beaver Road and between the communities of Beaverlick and Rabbit Hash”

          The only thing that would have made it better is if the road running from Beaverlick to Big Bone Lick had been route 69.

          1. My wife and I always get a get chuckle when we drive by those Big Bone Lick and Beaverlick signs heading south through KY. Yeah, we’re immature.

        2. Heheheheheh….Troy.

        3. Drive by Climax on I-69?

          1. No, that was on US-22 east of Pittsburgh.

  35. The squirrels won’t let me post anything of substance, so I’m outta here.

    1. EAP leaves, yet The Derprider lives.

      1. There is a noticeable absence of Tiny, Dickrider and Shreek today. They must have an obama operative/ acorn organizational meeting today.

  36. SB1070=browngate

  37. vulvavelvet.org

    Just say thank you.

    NSFW

    1. I’m not sure what I expected to see on a site called vulvavelvet.org

      I wanted to thank you so much for the vulva velvet website. It has really helped me a lot. Seeing the other woman on the website who are close in size to me, and a few that are even bigger than me, has really helped me on my road to acceptance. I figured I would send along a couple photos of my vulva too

      1. Was that the letter you wrote?

      2. i cannot imagine the insecurity and sheer fuckedupedness of needing to share photos of your hoo-ha with strangers, or of being on a “road to acceptance” in relation to it

        1. “Dear Vulvavelvet, I never thought I would be writing you, but…”

  38. Mother. Fucker. TSA to ride Houston buses.

    World’s stupidest Congresscritter proud to announce it.

    “Democratic Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee unveiled the program, labeled Bus Safe, during a press conference on Friday.”

    1. DHS and Metro Police officers questioning passengers who were exiting buses about their destinations and their reasons for riding the bus.

      Emphasis added. “Here.” “To get here.”

    2. What’s the point (other than the creation of do-nothing jobs)? They are glorified mall cops with no arrest powers.

    3. World’s stupidest Congresscritter

      I don’t doubt it, but this is more “evil” than “stupid”.

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