Santo Hits a Double! Mitt's Third, Twice! Newt Keeps on Walking, Like Eddie Stanky! Who's in Fourth?

Matt Welch | 3.13.2012 11:10 PM

Alabama and Mississippi have spoken, and the beat goes on. Overnight comments debate topic: What makes more sense, the GOP presidential race, or this?

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el Barfman 13 years ago

*el barfo*
1. PapayaSF 13 years ago
  
  Sean Penn made up to look like Robert Smith of the Cure... what's not to like? (Kidding!)
  1. Ken Shultz 13 years ago
    
    It's amazing how hard he's worked to commit career suicide.
    
    You gotta respect that.
    
    I didn't think he could go lower than I Am Sam. I was wrong.
    
    That clip was harder to watch than Tim Burton's take on Planet of the Apes, in which the female apes, in their lipstick, looked a lot like Sean Penn in that clip.
    
    Jesus manesus. He could make any indie film he wanted--why'd he pick that POS? Dude needs somebody normal around for an occasional reality check.
    
    I think he's tryin' too hard for an Oscar or something. He definitely shouldn't try any harder.
    1. dunphy 13 years ago
      
      he's such a good actor, it really is a shame
      
      heck, i love doggtown and zboys and he narrated that.
      
      it really is a waste of talent.
    2. Abdul 13 years ago
      
      Holocaust, cross-dresser, baby-boomer cultural references.
      
      It's like someone thre an oscar into a centrifuge, found the base elements, and created an unstable compound from them.
      1. Ska 13 years ago
        
        He already did his lovable retard role, so they had to leave that one out.
  2. Kyle Broflovski 13 years ago
    
    Disintegration is the best album ever!
shrike 13 years ago

OMG! Frothy Fecal Mix is actually winning!

'John' will be so proud!
Eduard van Haalen 13 years ago

I may as well expose my heretical tendencies: If Paul loses, better to lose to Santorum than to Romney (or Bob Barr's buddy Gingrich).

The reason is simple: If we can't have a good candidate, at lest let's have a candidate who (to my mind) offends all the right people. Sarah Palin would be ideal in this regard, but Santorum will certainly do.
1. Apatheist ?_?? 13 years ago
  
  I would take Sarah Palin over any of the other three running. Why all the hate for her? I'm not saying I could vote for her but come on. For one thing she seems amenable to changing marijuana policy for one thing.
  1. Eduard van Haalen 13 years ago
    
    "I would take Sarah Palin over any of the other three running."
    
    I think this applies to most people on H&R.
    1. SIV 13 years ago
      
      It should apply but Palin-derangement knows no bounds.
      1. Eduard van Haalen 13 years ago
        
        I was actually making a double entendre.
        
        SIV 13 years ago
        
        I figured so but anyway the cosmos wouldn't even fuck her. they find something distasteful about "breeders".
        
        Proprietist 13 years ago
        
        ???
      2. toxic 13 years ago
        
        Maybe this is the misogynist in me, but I can tell crazy women when I see them, and Palin just has that look in her eyes.
        
        I mean, aside from her total ignorance, Nixon-like paranoia, and of course the whole resigning from office because it was a drag and she'd rather do reality shows thing.
        
        You know, it's like the Republicans are so sure they are guaranteed a win that they think they can nominate a horse and win.
        
        Romney has his problems, sure, but at least with him a campaign that should really be about spending and the economy won't end up being about abortion or some shit. Santorum will make it a culture war; well guess what--- all the people on his side are already dying to get rid of Obama.
        
        Apatheist ?_?? 13 years ago
        
        Here's a perfect example of Palin derangement. Reality television is far more respectable than politics. Not even close.
        
        Romney has his problems, sure, but at least with him a campaign that should really be about spending and the economy won't end up being about abortion or some shit.
        
        Ahahahahahah.
        
        Matt Tanous 13 years ago
        
        How would it be about spending and the economy with Romney? They'd only be arguing over which controls the government should enact to centrally plan a "recovery" - while the Fed actually attempts that, and fails spectacularly just as it has over the last four years.
    2. cowardly commenter some guy 13 years ago
      
      "I would take Sarah Palin over any of the other three running."
      
      In the same sense that I would take a punch to the face over a kick in the groin.
      1. DesigNate 13 years ago
        
        Exactly
  2. Copernicus 13 years ago
    
    "For one thing she seems amenable to changing marijuana policy for one thing." This almost sounds like two things (one thing + one thing). Are you high?
    1. Apatheist ?_?? 13 years ago
      
      Well for one thing I'm only high if you count alcohol as a drug, which I do, so yes, for one thing.
2. Eduard van Haalen 13 years ago
  
  It's not that I actively wish high blood pressure on my progressive brothers and sisters - in fact, I encourage them to keep their blood pressure down. But watching them go over the top in response to there fairly standard politicians, simply because they believe in traditional marriage and oppose abortion on demand, is immensely entertaining.
  
  The more victories by Santorum, the more hysterical fainting fits by the Great and the Good, especially as they realize that
  Santorum won among women in Miss and Ala, lost among men.
  1. shrike 13 years ago
    
    You are a true libertarian!
    1. Eduard van Haalen 13 years ago
      
      You are a Flying-Spaghetti-Monster gaywad.
    2. Tony 13 years ago
      
      It's hilarious to here these people deny that they are anything but Republican fellow travelers. "Both parties suck, so vote Republican!"
      1. Eduard van Haalen 13 years ago
        
        There's an Italian poem I think you should be included in.
      2. SIV 13 years ago
        
        Gotta punish the democRATS. It's their turn.
      3. DesigNate 13 years ago
        
        Fuck you I'm writing in Ben Franklin's Ghost.
        
        I think Obama has been shit as President. Why would I vote for his Republican robot twin?
        
        Kochtopussy 13 years ago
        
        First robot president?
        
        Brian D 13 years ago
        
        Ah yes, John Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he promised not to go on a killing spree.
        
        Hubert Farnsworth 13 years ago
        
        But, like most politicians he promised more than he could deliver.
    3. DesigNate 13 years ago
      
      He's not saying he'd vote or has voted for Santorum, Demfag. He's just saying it's fucking hilarious for Santorum to keep winning states due to the apoplectic seizures ass clowns like you are having over him.
      1. Tony 13 years ago
        
        Demfag? Really, when you get old enough to leave the high school locker room and come up with some better insults than fag, let me know.
        
        DesigNate 13 years ago
        
        That wasn't to you Tony. It is a play on shrike's default "christfag" for anyone who doesn't believe that christians are teh evul!
  2. Fluffy 13 years ago
    
    I think with Santorum you also have to account for that whole "believing my political opponents are possessed by the literal devil" thing.
    
    He doesn't have quite the crazy eyes level of nuts that Bachmann had, but he'll do.
    1. Brn 13 years ago
      
      In fairness, the actual belief of Christians is that non-Christians are influenced by the literal devil, not possessed by him.
  3. HeroicMulatto 13 years ago
    
    By 'traditional marriage' you mean the abduction of our enemy's women, right?
    1. CoyoteBlue 13 years ago
      
      Well, that's my tradition.
? 13 years ago

I've always thought that the main thing wrong with The Straight Story was how much it wasn't Steve Stevens: Whiny Procrastinating Nazi Hunter.

Now I don't feel so alone.
Donnie Joes 13 years ago

OK wow, now thats what I am talking about dude, very cool indeed.

http://www.Getting-Privacy.tk
Mr Whipple 13 years ago

Puke alert!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?f.....7pv7sO5Gng
1. Eduard van Haalen 13 years ago
  
  No, try this instead:
  
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIFwLmGQA3Q
A Serious Man 13 years ago

Something amusing to watch while we are waiting for Hawaii to vote.
1. Mint Berry Crunch 13 years ago
  
  That was pretty cool.
  
  Reminded me of Breaking Bad as an ABC sitcom
2. Maggie 13 years ago
  
  that was wonderful
3. protefeed 13 years ago
  
  I'm guessing Romney wins Hawaii -- Deep Blue, about 5% Mormon -- seems like total Romney territory.
rsi 13 years ago

Scientists to bring extinct woolly mammoth back to life with the help of elephants.

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/te.....57183.html
1. omnibot 13 years ago
  
  If movies are to believed, this can't end well.
  1. Gojira 13 years ago
    
    Depends on what movie. If it ends like Logjammin', I'd be cool with that.
    1. SIV 13 years ago
      
      I want recreated saber tooth tigers and cave bears. Not for science. For the trophy room, of course.
    2. Citizen Nothing 13 years ago
      
      It fixes the cable?
AlmightyJB 13 years ago

Never ever underestimate the GOP's ability to snatch defeat from the hands of victory.
1. Gojira 13 years ago
  
  And just the other day someone was getting on my case because I said Santorum "almost" won the rep nomination.
  
  "He won two states, that's not almost winning anything. He was never a real contender Romney blah blah blah".
omnibot 13 years ago

I want to joke about Santorum winning in the South, but really it just makes me sad that fear, hate, and bigotry still thrive.
1. omnibot 13 years ago
  
  That was a tweet from @badastronomer
  1. omnibot 13 years ago
    
    oh a followup:
    "Some people seem to think I'm generalizing the South. I'm not. I *am* saying people respond to Santorum's message. And that's what's so sad."
    1. Apatheist ?_?? 13 years ago
      
      If anyone here wanted to get his tweets they would have subscribed.
      
      Oh, its still more culture war bullshit. Which is sad.
      1. Lowdog 13 years ago
        
        Bad astronomer is a douche. He should stick to talking about bad astronomy.
2. Apatheist ?_?? 13 years ago
  
  Fear, hate and bigotry are common throughout the country. Why is this surprising to you? Oh wait, you probably one of those jackasses who think only TEAM RED southerners are like that.
  1. darius404 13 years ago
    
    Jackasses? My, my, how very... HATEFUL.
    1. Apatheist ?_?? 13 years ago
      
      It's hate all the way down.
3. SIV 13 years ago
  
  Too many otherwise fine individuals have had their politics warped by higher educational culture.
  
  I'm really warming up to this idea of banning employment discrimination on the basis of educational credentials. Anything and everything to destroy academia. We musn't let the perfect be the enemy of the good
  1. Tony 13 years ago
    
    Surprise. SIV finds common ground with superstitious mouth breathers.
    1. SIV 13 years ago
      
      Charles Murray is a superstitious mouth breather? I'll take allies where I can get 'em.
Eduard van Haalen 13 years ago

"human rights" group wants Dante's Divine Comedy removed from school curricula.

The President of the group objects to the part in the Inferno "The Prophet Mohammed was subjected to a horrific punishment ? his body was split from end to end so that his entrails dangled out, an image" - she points out - "that offends Islamic culture." Good for her to share her expertise with us, otherwise we wouldn't have known if the image would be offensive to Muslims.

http://tgr.ph/ysxhuc
1. Eduard van Haalen 13 years ago
  
  Even some gay protective of their cultural heritage, despite what Dante does to sodomites in the Inferno (scorched by fiery rain forever):
  
  Franco Grillini, the leader of the gay group Gaynet, called the censorship proposal "an excess of political correctness."
2. SIV 13 years ago
  
  Long pig
3. Apatheist ?_?? 13 years ago
  
  Fuck those guys. Dante was an equal opportunity offender.
  1. Eduard van Haalen 13 years ago
    
    Yeah, In the Inferno, everyone from Jersey Shore is forced to watch *Cats* for all eternity.
    1. omnibot 13 years ago
      
      REPEAT but called for
4. Rich 13 years ago
  
  Art cannot be above criticism," Miss Sereni said.
  
  Um, OK.
PantsFan 13 years ago

As a Canuck, please expleain how the Virgin Islands, Puerto Rico and Guam get delegates but no Electoral College votes.
1. Eduard van Haalen 13 years ago
  
  Because voters in the Virgin Islands have proven their political competence, and statehood cannot be far behind.
2. Apatheist ?_?? 13 years ago
  
  Not states and parties are technically private clubs.
3. SIV 13 years ago
  
  I'm no sap-swilling seal clubber, but if I recall our Constitution correctly, states elect the President- not individual voters.
4. Ron Paul 13 years ago
  
  The US is unique in that its constitution makes no reference to parties; in fact many of the founders actively discouraged the development of partisan politics. So these entities have no special legal status beyond that of any other political organization and therefore can select their candidate in any way they please. The Republican Party simply decided to include the non-state territories out of party preference, but they were not required to do this, in theory they could select the candidate that they endorsed through reading goats entrails for a sign from the gods if that is what they wanted to do.
  1. Matt Tanous 13 years ago
    
    I'm fairly convinced that they fix the votes based on a method like this: http://www.southparkstudios.co.....38/bailout
    
    It's the only explanation.
    1. gaijin 13 years ago
      
      A favorite episode!
  2. cowardly commenter some guy 13 years ago
    
    They could even let foreigners pick their candidates if they wanted... That might actually work well for the Europhile Democrats...
Voros McCracken 13 years ago

I don't even have to check the byline when there's an Eddie Stanky reference in the title.

Now when Matt starts working in Roy Cullenbine references we're truly set.
Dagny T. 13 years ago

Do Da Stanky Legg
1. Lowdog 13 years ago
  
  Word! Dope little lick. I'm gonna dl this and throw it in a set.
  
  Thanks Dagny T!
  1. Dagny T. 13 years ago
    
    A friend of mine who happens to be the cracketiest cracker in the world does this dance when drunk. The more people out there doing da stanky legg, the better.
    
    I'm probably the only retard who didn't know this Talking Heads song, but it is now one of my favs of theirs. Welch posts are the gifts that keep on giving.
2. Apatheist ?_?? 13 years ago
  
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NXBgSCSrIk
A Serious Man 13 years ago

Romney I can see winning a deep blue, high tax state with strong economic ties to the US Navy and other military installations. But Santorum in second? Screw you Hawaii.
1. Matt Tanous 13 years ago
  
  Ah, well. It is, as I understand it, a caucus, so there is that - the delegates will likely tend to be higher for Paul than the straw vote.
2. Spoonman. 13 years ago
  
  Well, Paul won the Big Island and lost Maui by 9 votes.
  
  For some reason those fuckers in Honolulu love Santorum, I guess.
Joe M 13 years ago

Alabama/Mississippi GOP voters:
Who do not believe in evolution: 60%/66%
Who think Obama is a Muslim: 45%/52%
Who think inter-racial marriage should be illegal: 21%/29%
Who voted for Ron Paul: 5%/4%
1. np 13 years ago
  
  Man fuck 'em, fuck em all. Totally ironic with Ron Paul being the only candidate staunchly on the South's "side" ala Lysander Spooner.
  
  Normally, I couldn't care less about what other people believe. The problem is that their stupidity is allowed to influence and/or grow government or sanction use of force. Such is the evils of democracy. Most can't separate political beliefs from personal beliefs.
  
  At this point I'm in favor of getting Santorum in as president just to see the world burn.
  
  However that won't be enough. We need to experience some Team Blue's madness as well (like those cunts who thinks the 1st amendment is bad because Rush hides behind it).
  
  Then, and only then.. maybe, just maybe, we'll be ready for some real liberty; for a real dismantling of the leviathan.
  
  .. but then again, the only thing that we learn from history is that we learn nothing at all
  1. cowardly commenter some guy 13 years ago
    
    If you want to see the world burn you should vote a straight partisan ticket. Divided government only delays the inevitable.
2. Matrix 13 years ago
  
  I'm proud to say I'm among the 5% who voted for Paul in Alabama.
  1. Tuscaloosan 13 years ago
    
    Me too.
Jerry Thomas 13 years ago

Those guys totally seem to have it going on man, I mean like totally.

http://www.World-Anon.tk
Franklin Harris 13 years ago

No, This Must Be the Place!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G29d6RDSK1c
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Santo Hits a Double! Mitt's Third, Twice! Newt Keeps on Walking, Like Eddie Stanky! Who's in Fourth?

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