With Super Tuesday upon us like a plague of 24-hour locusts that threaten not just the GOP but the very fabric of the nation itself (a wool and Lycra blend explicitly forbidden in Leviticus, btw) which is being stripped more bare than the bride by her bachelors even or the dessert bar near closing time at a Golden Corral buffet, it's as good a time as any to wonder:
Was it just four years ago that The New York Times was running stories about the deleterious effects of a long, drawn-out, bruising fight for the Democratic presidential nod?
Here you go, from a March 6, 2008 account:
Lesson of Defeat: Obama Comes Out Punching
CHICAGO — Senator Barack Obama woke up on Wednesday talking of his delegate lead and of taking the fight to Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton. But after defeats in two of the most populous states, he also sounded like a chastened candidate in search of his lost moment….
In Ohio and Texas, he drew vast and adoring crowds, yet he came up short on primary day, just as he did in New Hampshire in early January. Mrs. Clinton's attack on his readiness to serve as commander in chief seemed to resonate with some Texas voters.
In Ohio, Mr. Obama failed to make much headway with voters who live paycheck to paycheck and feel the economic walls closing in, a troublesome sign as he heads to Pennsylvania.
But his challenge now is about more than demographics. He must reassure supporters, and party leaders who had started to rally to his side, that he can absorb the lessons of Tuesday's defeats. And he faces a challenge of rebounding as quickly as he did from his loss in New Hampshire….
"What exactly is this foreign experience that she's claiming?" he said. "I know she talks about visiting 80 countries. It is not clear. Was she negotiating treaties or agreements or was she handling crises during this period of time?
"My sense is the answer's no."…
Mr. Obama retains significant advantages, including his lead among pledged delegates and a record-setting fund-raising operation. And he bridled at questions on Wednesday about his difficulties attracting working-class and middle-class support, noting his progress in that regard.
Good god, how does the nation ever survive the primary process? Isn't it a scientific fact that nobody has ever won the presidency after having gone through a difficult nominating race? Obama was forced to visit all 57 states (by his count) multiple times until he kept fainting on stage from exhaustion like that guy from the Black Crowes who used to be famous.
After all, hasn't a poll just scientifically proved that the GOP is hurting its "brand" (you know: Depends-wearing, anti-government crackers who only leave their houses on the Medicare-purchased personalized motor scooters to cruise to the mailbox to pick up their Social Security checks and oil-company dividend checks) by not immediately appointing the candidate most likely to get smoked by Obama in November?
The only subgroup of Americans who have weaker memories than high school seniors (99 percent of whom contend that the War of 1812 was fought between the Crips and the Bloods over the last Cabbage Patch doll between 1983-1986) are political journalists, many of whom, you may recall, took Donald Trump and Herman Cain seriously.
So welcome to Super Tuesday, which in some ways marks the halfway point for the election season. The GOP race should be significantly clearer by midnight tonight (ET!), which means that we might be able to move on from banal horse-race politics to banal evaluations of two major-party candidates who are failing to excite their own families much less the nation at large.
But don't count your chickens before they hatch: Remember that in 2008, Hillary Clinton was still pushing her candidacy through the spring, when she saw fit to remind people that back in 1968 Bobby Kennedy was cut down even later than that in his bid for the Dem nod.
And we all know what happened next: Exhausted by his never-ending primary bid, Obama ceded the election to Sen. John McCain, who changed history by reversing his antiwar campaign promises and tripling troops in Afghanistan, bombing Libya, and randomly killing Americans abroad. And on the domestic front, President McCain starting singing Al Green songs, stimulating the economy like Bambi Allen in Saturday Night Beaver, and raiding medical marijuana dispensaries because they posed such a threat to nation's illegal pot supply that well, do you really need to have any of this explained to you?
Related: Ron Paul, fashion icon. The one candidate who is serious about cutting spending knows that thriftiness begins at home.