Friday Funnies

Why Romney Won Michigan

Henry Payne | 3.2.2012 7:00 AM

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Newt Paul 13 years ago

"I disavow." Marriage contracts. Newsletters. Anything I sign.
1. cowardly commenter some guy 13 years ago
  
  That's right. Keep digging at the newsletters. It's the only mistake Dr. Paul ever made, so it's all you've got!
  1. MANGO PUNCH 13 years ago
    
    Unbelievably unfunny.
  2. ThatSkepticGuy 13 years ago
    
    What about that period in his youth where Ron Paul religiously followed a pastor who preached virulently bigoted garbage and called for the use of violence as a means to an end?
    
    Oh, wait . . .
    1. Luap Nor 13 years ago
      
      Or the fact he basically did nothing his entire tenure in office...
      
      Except accept pork.
      1. cowardly commenter some guy 13 years ago
        
        *Citation needed
    2. Carston 13 years ago
      
      Ron Paul went to Reverend Wright's church too?
2. Herp Derp 13 years ago
  
  Am I the only one that has noticed how easily Libertarians will not back a candidate if there is ONE thing they don't agree with? For instance, Ron Paul talks about legalizing drugs, stop empire building, free-market trade, decentralization of the monetary system, etc. These are ideas that Libertarians claim to agree with; However, he mentions "gold standard" or "preventing illegal immigration" (though, he supports the VISA program that Libertarians have brainstormed) and Libertarians FLIP THEIR LID.
  
  Yet, they fail to point out issues with a candidate such as Gary Johnson simply because he's running under the "Libertarian" flag. Does this not sound like "Republicans" and "Democrats".
  
  You see, this is why we can't have nice things. Aren't Libertarians suppose to be intelligent, competent, and reason(able)?
  1. Herp Derp 13 years ago
    
    Also forgot to add:
    
    Precious metals are universally accepted as trade (whether the government approves it as "currency" or not).
    
    Fiat money isn't, because it's just that, Fiat.
    
    Sorry guys, but facts are facts, no matter how much you wish it to be false.
Joey Johns 13 years ago

This may be the coolest thign I have ever seen dude. Wow.

http://www.Went-Anon.tk
The Art-P.O.G. 13 years ago

I dig the art.
1. invisible furry hand 13 years ago
  
  Yeah, gotta give props to Payne here. He only needed to label one of his caricatures. And I slightly sniggered at the Newt line. So this is Friday Funnier-than-usual
  1. Maxxx 13 years ago
    
    He only needed to label one two of his caricatures.
    
    FIFY
    1. invisible furry hand 13 years ago
      
      Well, I think the Newt one was recognisable without the label. The Rick one wasn't. So IMO he only needed to label one
  2. Almanian 13 years ago
    
    "sniggered"
    
    SRACIST!!!
Comcast Sucks (Coxswain Hardy) 13 years ago

Why the typewritten text? Did the editors add that because it needed moar text?
sticks 13 years ago

Redeye was nice. I usually make fun of idolizing dead celebs but I'll miss Andrew on tv/web/etc. Please Please people come up with funny jokes about his death! He deserves good laughs.
1. WORK KILLS 13 years ago
  
  "Working more than 48 hours per week doubles the risk of cardiovascular disease."
  http://www.anxietyculture.com
  1. gaijin 13 years ago
    
    So high unemployment, a decreasing labor participation rate, and an increase in part tie workers are good things!
    1. Why Work? 13 years ago
      
      "We Don't Want Full Employment, We Want Full Lives!"
      
      Creating Livable Alternatives to Wage Slavery
      http://whywork.org/
      1. cowardly commenter some guy 13 years ago
        
        Having a full life is entirely up to the individual. It all depends on the what the individual values and the choices the individual makes.
      2. ThatSkepticGuy 13 years ago
        
        "Wage Slavery"
        
        Oxymoron. And a red herring.
        
        But since socialism is all about de facto slavery, I imagine that your issue is with the "wage" part.
        
        Slavery is Fibertarian 13 years ago
        
        Owning (controlling) humans (the ultimate resource), whether part-time (wage slavery) or full-time (chattel slavery) is the goal of all Capitalists.
        
        And turning people into mere property is the purpose of the "self-ownership" bait-and-switch bullshit with which Fibertards proselytize.
        
        Bait: you own yourself.
        Switch: Humans are mere property
        to consume, sell, rent, mortgage, transfer, exchange or destroy.
        
        Example of Fibertarian duplicity:
        
        Voluntary Slave Contracts
        by Walter Block [Austrian/libertarian economic scholar, Mises Institute]
        lewrockwell.com/block/block134.html
        
        What? 13 years ago
        
        If you can quit, you aren't a slave. Dumbass.
    2. MSM 13 years ago
      
      While a Democrat is President? Absolutely!
      1. Right Wing Authoritarian 13 years ago
        
        Get to work!
        
        "Once you begin turning all the land around you into cropland, you begin to generate enormous food surpluses, which have to be protected from the elements and from other creatures?including other people. Ultimately, they have to be locked up. Though it surely isn't recognized at the time, locking up the food spells the end of tribalism and the beginning of the hierarchical life we call civilization."
        
        "As soon as the storehouse appears, someone must step forward to guard it, and this custodian needs assistants, who depend on him entirely, since they no longer earn their living as farmers. A manager class soon emerged to look after the accumulation and storage of surpluses?something that had never been necessary when everyone was just working a few hours a day."
        
        ~Daniel Quinn
        
        Fluffy 13 years ago
        
        Gosh, I really hate those enormous food surpluses.
        
        invisible furry hand 13 years ago
        
        And the end of tribalism. Sure do miss shitting in a hole, fucking my cousin and killing outsiders
        
        William Walsh 13 years ago
        
        My cousin was hot,
        
        ThatSkepticGuy 13 years ago
        
        "And the end of tribalism. Sure do miss shitting in a hole, fucking my cousin and killing outsiders"
        
        Don't forget Polio. God, how I miss Polio.
        
        Polio=Disease of Civilization 13 years ago
        
        "The earliest visible populations of prehistory nonetheless do surprisingly well if we compare them to the actual record of human history rather than to our romantic images of civilized progress."
        
        Health and the Rise of Civilization
        Mark Nathan Cohen
        Yale University Press
        http://www.primitivism.com/health-civilization.htm
        
        Fibertards gonna fib.
        
        Agriculture=Killing Outsiders 13 years ago
        
        "Warfare,immorality, vice, polygyny, slavery, and the subjection of women seem to be absent amongour gatherer-hunter ancestors."
        
        The Origins of War
        John Zerzan
        http://www.scribd.com/doc/20298938/Ze.....ins-of-War
        
        sarcasmic 13 years ago
        
        tl;dr
        
        cowardly commenter some guy 13 years ago
        
        tl;dr: Agriculture bad. Starvation good.
        
        Agriculture = Frequent Famine 13 years ago
        
        Hunter Gatherers don't have famines, Fibertard.
        
        roystgnr 13 years ago
        
        Even animal hunter gatherers frequently die of starvation, idiot.
        
        Why is food under lock'n'key? 13 years ago
        
        Myth #2: Agriculture creates a more stable and secure food supply.
        
        If agriculture is a more difficult means of attaining food, at least it is more secure, no? Where a forager won't know if they will eat today or not, an agriculturalist can be assured she'll have food for the day. This, as it turns out, is also a false statement. In all but the most marginal environments, a gatherer has a near 100% chance of finding some form of plant food...
        
        When Lee studied the Ju/'Hoansi in the Kalahari desert (2000), the region was in the midst of a severe draught. The neighboring Bantu farmers and pastoralists were dying by the thousands of starvation; the Ju/'Hoansi, however, were able to subsist very healthily on an average of two hours of foraging a day.
        
        http://theanarchistlibrary.org.....heses.html
        
        Brandon 13 years ago
        
        Posting the same idiotic crap from a different website doesn't make it any more credible, Jason.
        
        Fat Indian 13 years ago
        
        By the way, I cut & paste this with one hand while stuffing the fifth free-range Twinkie of the morning in my mouth with a mocha latte chaser. Yeah, I'm that good. You libertard statists can't keep up with me, so don't even try.
        
        Andrew Briebart is Dead 13 years ago
        
        Twinkie boy.
    3. Old Soldier 13 years ago
      
      Only if you want to prolong the lives of the worthless.
      1. Worthless = Old Soldiers? 13 years ago
        
        "Atlas Shrugged" does in fact contain a gas chamber - the ghastly Winston Tunnel scene, where those who are unfortunate enough to hold the wrong philosophical premises get death by asphyxiation, their final moments approvingly illuminated by the torch of Randian justice.
        
        cowardly commenter some guy 13 years ago
        
        They got gassed because they put too much trust in authority and didn't take enough responsibility for their own lives.
        
        MNG 13 years ago
        
        That still makes it a pretty sick fantasy...She clearly is wishing death on "people like that" and thinks it will make her and those sympathetic to her ideas feel good. That's sick, notwithstanding Chamber's hysterical-ness about it all.
        
        cowardly commenter some guy 13 years ago
        
        Or maybe it's a moral lesson. "Take responsibilty for your own life or something bad might happen to you!" We've been passing down lessons in this manner for as long as we've had language. Are you saying this method is always "sick"? Or is it only "sick" when Rand does it?
        
        Francisco d Anconia 13 years ago
        
        Fuck off slaver!
        
        Francisco d Anconia 13 years ago
        
        For MNG.
        
        THE RIGHT TO TAKE 13 years ago
        
        Is THE RIGHT TO TAKE part of your idea of "personal responsibility?"
        
        "[The Native Americans] didn't have any rights to the land ... Any white person who brought the element of civilization had THE RIGHT TO TAKE over this continent."
        
        ~Ayn Rand, US Military Academy at West Point, March 6, 1974
        
        P.S. Questions:
        ? Is the right to take a negative or positive right?
        ? Is the right of any white person an individual or collective right?
        
        Azathoth 13 years ago
        
        What is hunting except taking? What is gathering except taking? Taking what one needs to live?
        
        MNG 13 years ago
        
        Rand is full of rather juvenile revenge fantasies in her work, but that's true of other writers too (think Dante).
        
        Juvenile revenge=Killing Field 13 years ago
        
        "Sweep aside those parasites of subsidized classrooms, who live on the profits of the mind of others and proclaim that man needs no morality, no values, no code of behavior." ~Ayn "POL POT" Rand
        
        Pol Pot and Ayn Rand both had the same genocidal fantasy: blow the whole thing up and start over.
        
        Pol Pot wanted to:?
        (a) "restart civilization"?
        (b) by cleansing civilization of liberal influences?
        (c)and punishing and starving out people he regarded as subhumans
        ?(d) at Year Zero.
        
        Ayn Rand wanted also to:?
        (a) restart civilization
        ?(b) by cleansing civilization of liberal influences?
        (c) and punishing and starving out people she regarded as subhumans?
        (d) with a wave of the dollar brand cigarette.
        
        Not much difference. But what else would you expect from a philosophical movement inspired by a serial child killer?
        
        Fluffy 13 years ago
        
        those who are unfortunate enough to hold the wrong philosophical premises get death by asphyxiation
        
        If there was a novel where SS soldiers accidentally wandered into one of their own gas chamers, a la some series of Final Destination accidents, and ended up asphyxiated, would you jump up and down about how that novel "included a gas chamber"?
        
        Whitaker Chambers was scum. It would be an ad hominem argument to say that since Whitaker Chambers was scum, we can know in advance that his moral arguments would be invalid, so we shouldn't say that - but it's very, very tempting.
        
        William Walsh 13 years ago
        
        It is amazing that Chamber's fantasy allusion/analogy which one would not of seen without looking for a smear somewhere! Anywhere! has hung around.
        
        It's absurd. Rand's opponents really need to find something else or STFU.
        
        Ayn 13 years ago
        
        I especially enjoyed killing the commie spawn in the sleeper berths.
        
        Irony Alert 13 years ago
        
        Whitaker Chambers was scum. It would be an ad hominem argument
        
        LULZ
        
        ThatSkepticGuy 13 years ago
        
        Your hysterical overworking of a piece of fiction certainly compares to the real-life murders of 100 million people in the name of collectivist idealism.
        
        Lord Humungus 13 years ago
        
        *ding* and the man wins a cigar.
        
        invisible furry hand 13 years ago
        
        No, the fiction's worse - Ayn Rand didn't have the right motives, remember?
        
        Rands Collective RIGHT TO TAKE 13 years ago
        
        "[The Native Americans] didn't have any rights to the land ... Any white person who brought the element of civilization had THE RIGHT TO TAKE over this continent."
        
        ~Ayn Rand, US Military Academy at West Point, March 6, 1974
        
        P.S. Questions:
        ? Is the right to take a negative or positive right?
        ? Is the right of any white person an individual or collective right?
        
        American Indian Holocaust=REAL 13 years ago
        
        Millions of Native Americans slaughtered.
        
        You profit from it.
2. sticks 13 years ago
  
  way to suck at making funnies. fuck.
Fist of Etiquette 13 years ago

Michigan voters don't understand economic policy, I get it. But why is that china-man in Newt's space suit.
1. The Contract on NASA 13 years ago
  
  Per newtum ad astra.
2. cowardly commenter some guy 13 years ago
  
  So all fat people are china-men just because they have squinty eyes? There's a word for people like you!
  1. Almanian 13 years ago
    
    Observant?
3. Apatheist ?_?? 13 years ago
  
  The chinaman is not the issue here, dude.
4. Loki 13 years ago
  
  Because the Chinese still have a space program?
Lord Humungus 13 years ago

I'm a Michigan voter, but lack breasts and blond hair (and a purse).
1. gaijin 13 years ago
  
  get a girlfriend 🙂
  1. Lord Humungus 13 years ago
    
    I have a wife - with black hair, too many purses and large breasts.
2. Fluffy 13 years ago
  
  Michigan has nice tits but a tranny face.
  1. Some Dude 13 years ago
    
    If they're that big and that high, they've gotta be fake.
  2. cowardly commenter some guy 13 years ago
    
    Everyone Payne draws has a tranny face. It's his style.
  3. Bee Tagger 13 years ago
    
    Rick's ribcage is nearly as ample.
    1. Bee Tagger 13 years ago
      
      ah, make that Mitt.
      1. Francisco d Anconia 13 years ago
        
        See, needed more labels.
rather fart in a jar 13 years ago

Why Romney Won Michigan

He won the fart in a jar vote. CH4 to the White House!
Fluffy 13 years ago

We may look back on this election and wish we had voted in Newt if we can't use our Moon Colony as a base to destroy that 2040 asteroid.

I note with interest that astronomers usually say "There's nothing to worry about" but this time are saying, "There's nothing to worry about, but maybe we should start thinking how we will move this thing". Hmmmmmm.
1. MNG 13 years ago
  
  And note we are reducing our nuclear armory to the cries of the GOP. If we ever get a mass Armageddon style meteor problem boy that is going to make Obama look bad. I mean, even with 300 nukes you know those tight-assed Air Force guys will screw up on many of them, causing those happy-go lucky drillers to have to work harder to save the day.
  1. cowardly commenter some guy 13 years ago
    
    They'll probably take a handgun with them too. We better ban those while we're at it.
    
    Only assault rifles should be allowed in space.
    1. Almanian 13 years ago
      
      "In space, no one can hear your AR....for lack of oxygen...SHIT!"
  2. Tim 13 years ago
    
    Realx MNG, Georgia has The Bomb
    
    http://www.tybeetyme.com/tb/index.htm
2. cowardly commenter some guy 13 years ago
  
  A 1 in 625 chance of global catastrophe... That's definitely a RED cell on the risk assessment spreadsheet.
Bee Tagger 13 years ago

Rick Santorum is a blue collar valley girl?
1. Rick Santorum 13 years ago
  
  OHMAGOD!!
NotSure 13 years ago

The Friday Funnies are so incredibly unfunny that they paradoxically start becoming funny.
Ted Kennendy 13 years ago

My own T-shirt was wet, but I don't remember how it got that way.
Brian from Texas 13 years ago

Nice ears on Ron Paul. Mr. Payne must have had a field day with Ross Perot 20 years ago.
1. Bee Tagger 13 years ago
  
  It's the reason I bought a bigger monitor.
rather 13 years ago

I had no clue who the 'Rick' was; If you continue to use that likeness, I'd put his full name and SS number on his T-shirt too
sarcasmic 13 years ago

I get which ones are Santorum and Gingrich from the labels, but who are the other two?
1. MNG 13 years ago
  
  Are you saying...you need more labels?
rather 13 years ago

Thanks to everyone for paying attention to me!!
Ice Nine 13 years ago

I had no clue who the 'Rick' was

Probably because Payne's notion of Rick's signature sweater vest looks for all the world like a lumberjack shirt with rolled-up sleeves.
RoboCain 13 years ago

I must have no sense of rumor, because I never find these actually funny.
1. Almanian 13 years ago
  
  Read the Warning Label?:
  
  "Reason 'Friday Funnies' are not recommended for testing your sense of humor. Such testing should be conducted by professionals in a controlled environment, like Warty's basement, or something. But NOT using 'Friday Funnies'."
Almanian 13 years ago

I like how Payne has Christopher Knight (AKA "Peter Brady")playing Sanctimonioustorum in the first panel.

I love me some Brady bunch!

So C+!
Jesus H. Christ 13 years ago

Payne did a good job drawing Santorum's freakishly constricted mouth. That's how I knew it was "The Rick" even with the lumberjack shirt.

This one wasn't any funnier than previous attempts, but it had more "stuff" in it.
Joe 13 years ago

1) Rick isn't wearing a seatbelt. Vying for the libertarian vote?

2) Newt's so conservative he lactates oil. Vying for the libertarian vote?

3) Romney wearing The Jacket. Vying for the libertarian vote?
Jay S 13 years ago

Reason's fraudulent title for this feature is making me doubt that it's even Friday.
VoteFacts 13 years ago

Check out this new fact checking website:

http://www.VoteFacts.org
jb 13 years ago

i LIKE IT when i don't have to be clever to understand the funnies.
coolke 13 years ago

yes
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