Friday Funnies

Why Romney Won Michigan

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NEXT: Finders Keepers

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  1. “I disavow.” Marriage contracts. Newsletters. Anything I sign.

    1. That’s right. Keep digging at the newsletters. It’s the only mistake Dr. Paul ever made, so it’s all you’ve got!

      1. Unbelievably unfunny.

      2. What about that period in his youth where Ron Paul religiously followed a pastor who preached virulently bigoted garbage and called for the use of violence as a means to an end?

        Oh, wait . . .

        1. Or the fact he basically did nothing his entire tenure in office…

          Except accept pork.

          1. *Citation needed

        2. Ron Paul went to Reverend Wright’s church too?

    2. Am I the only one that has noticed how easily Libertarians will not back a candidate if there is ONE thing they don’t agree with? For instance, Ron Paul talks about legalizing drugs, stop empire building, free-market trade, decentralization of the monetary system, etc. These are ideas that Libertarians claim to agree with; However, he mentions “gold standard” or “preventing illegal immigration” (though, he supports the VISA program that Libertarians have brainstormed) and Libertarians FLIP THEIR LID.

      Yet, they fail to point out issues with a candidate such as Gary Johnson simply because he’s running under the “Libertarian” flag. Does this not sound like “Republicans” and “Democrats”.

      You see, this is why we can’t have nice things. Aren’t Libertarians suppose to be intelligent, competent, and reason(able)?

      1. Also forgot to add:

        Precious metals are universally accepted as trade (whether the government approves it as “currency” or not).

        Fiat money isn’t, because it’s just that, Fiat.

        Sorry guys, but facts are facts, no matter how much you wish it to be false.

  2. This may be the coolest thign I have ever seen dude. Wow.

    http://www.Went-Anon.tk

    1. Yeah, gotta give props to Payne here. He only needed to label one of his caricatures. And I slightly sniggered at the Newt line. So this is Friday Funnier-than-usual

      1. He only needed to label one two of his caricatures.

        FIFY

        1. Well, I think the Newt one was recognisable without the label. The Rick one wasn’t. So IMO he only needed to label one

      2. “sniggered”

        SRACIST!!!

  3. Why the typewritten text? Did the editors add that because it needed moar text?

  4. Redeye was nice. I usually make fun of idolizing dead celebs but I’ll miss Andrew on tv/web/etc. Please Please people come up with funny jokes about his death! He deserves good laughs.

    1. “Working more than 48 hours per week doubles the risk of cardiovascular disease.”
      http://www.anxietyculture.com

      1. So high unemployment, a decreasing labor participation rate, and an increase in part tie workers are good things!

        1. “We Don’t Want Full Employment, We Want Full Lives!”

          Creating Livable Alternatives to Wage Slavery
          http://whywork.org/

          1. Having a full life is entirely up to the individual. It all depends on the what the individual values and the choices the individual makes.

          2. “Wage Slavery”

            Oxymoron. And a red herring.

            But since socialism is all about de facto slavery, I imagine that your issue is with the “wage” part.

            1. Owning (controlling) humans (the ultimate resource), whether part-time (wage slavery) or full-time (chattel slavery) is the goal of all Capitalists.

              And turning people into mere property is the purpose of the “self-ownership” bait-and-switch bullshit with which Fibertards proselytize.

              Bait: you own yourself.
              Switch: Humans are mere property
              to consume, sell, rent, mortgage, transfer, exchange or destroy.

              Example of Fibertarian duplicity:

              Voluntary Slave Contracts
              by Walter Block [Austrian/libertarian economic scholar, Mises Institute]
              lewrockwell.com/block/block134.html

              1. If you can quit, you aren’t a slave. Dumbass.

        2. While a Democrat is President? Absolutely!

          1. Get to work!

            “Once you begin turning all the land around you into cropland, you begin to generate enormous food surpluses, which have to be protected from the elements and from other creatures?including other people. Ultimately, they have to be locked up. Though it surely isn’t recognized at the time, locking up the food spells the end of tribalism and the beginning of the hierarchical life we call civilization.”

            “As soon as the storehouse appears, someone must step forward to guard it, and this custodian needs assistants, who depend on him entirely, since they no longer earn their living as farmers. A manager class soon emerged to look after the accumulation and storage of surpluses?something that had never been necessary when everyone was just working a few hours a day.”

            ~Daniel Quinn

            1. Gosh, I really hate those enormous food surpluses.

              1. And the end of tribalism. Sure do miss shitting in a hole, fucking my cousin and killing outsiders

                1. My cousin was hot,

                2. “And the end of tribalism. Sure do miss shitting in a hole, fucking my cousin and killing outsiders”

                  Don’t forget Polio. God, how I miss Polio.

                  1. “The earliest visible populations of prehistory nonetheless do surprisingly well if we compare them to the actual record of human history rather than to our romantic images of civilized progress.

                    Health and the Rise of Civilization
                    Mark Nathan Cohen
                    Yale University Press
                    http://www.primitivism.com/health-civilization.htm

                    Fibertards gonna fib.

                3. “Warfare,immorality, vice, polygyny, slavery, and the subjection of women seem to be absent amongour gatherer-hunter ancestors.”

                  The Origins of War
                  John Zerzan
                  http://www.scribd.com/doc/20298938/Ze…..ins-of-War

            2. tl;dr

              1. tl;dr: Agriculture bad. Starvation good.

                1. Hunter Gatherers don’t have famines, Fibertard.

                  1. Even animal hunter gatherers frequently die of starvation, idiot.

                    1. Myth #2: Agriculture creates a more stable and secure food supply.

                      If agriculture is a more difficult means of attaining food, at least it is more secure, no? Where a forager won’t know if they will eat today or not, an agriculturalist can be assured she’ll have food for the day. This, as it turns out, is also a false statement. In all but the most marginal environments, a gatherer has a near 100% chance of finding some form of plant food…

                      When Lee studied the Ju/’Hoansi in the Kalahari desert (2000), the region was in the midst of a severe draught. The neighboring Bantu farmers and pastoralists were dying by the thousands of starvation; the Ju/’Hoansi, however, were able to subsist very healthily on an average of two hours of foraging a day.

                      http://theanarchistlibrary.org…..heses.html

                    2. Posting the same idiotic crap from a different website doesn’t make it any more credible, Jason.

            3. By the way, I cut & paste this with one hand while stuffing the fifth free-range Twinkie of the morning in my mouth with a mocha latte chaser. Yeah, I’m that good. You libertard statists can’t keep up with me, so don’t even try.

              1. Twinkie boy.

        3. Only if you want to prolong the lives of the worthless.

          1. “Atlas Shrugged” does in fact contain a gas chamber – the ghastly Winston Tunnel scene, where those who are unfortunate enough to hold the wrong philosophical premises get death by asphyxiation, their final moments approvingly illuminated by the torch of Randian justice.

            1. They got gassed because they put too much trust in authority and didn’t take enough responsibility for their own lives.

              1. That still makes it a pretty sick fantasy…She clearly is wishing death on “people like that” and thinks it will make her and those sympathetic to her ideas feel good. That’s sick, notwithstanding Chamber’s hysterical-ness about it all.

                1. Or maybe it’s a moral lesson. “Take responsibilty for your own life or something bad might happen to you!” We’ve been passing down lessons in this manner for as long as we’ve had language. Are you saying this method is always “sick”? Or is it only “sick” when Rand does it?

                2. Fuck off slaver!

                  1. For MNG.

              2. Is THE RIGHT TO TAKE part of your idea of “personal responsibility?”

                “[The Native Americans] didn’t have any rights to the land … Any white person who brought the element of civilization had THE RIGHT TO TAKE over this continent.”

                ~Ayn Rand, US Military Academy at West Point, March 6, 1974

                P.S. Questions:
                ? Is the right to take a negative or positive right?
                ? Is the right of any white person an individual or collective right?

                1. What is hunting except taking? What is gathering except taking? Taking what one needs to live?

            2. Rand is full of rather juvenile revenge fantasies in her work, but that’s true of other writers too (think Dante).

              1. “Sweep aside those parasites of subsidized classrooms, who live on the profits of the mind of others and proclaim that man needs no morality, no values, no code of behavior.” ~Ayn “POL POT” Rand

                Pol Pot and Ayn Rand both had the same genocidal fantasy: blow the whole thing up and start over.

                Pol Pot wanted to:?
                (a) “restart civilization”?
                (b) by cleansing civilization of liberal influences?
                (c)and punishing and starving out people he regarded as subhumans
                ?(d) at Year Zero.

                Ayn Rand wanted also to:?
                (a) restart civilization
                ?(b) by cleansing civilization of liberal influences?
                (c) and punishing and starving out people she regarded as subhumans?
                (d) with a wave of the dollar brand cigarette.

                Not much difference. But what else would you expect from a philosophical movement inspired by a serial child killer?

            3. those who are unfortunate enough to hold the wrong philosophical premises get death by asphyxiation

              If there was a novel where SS soldiers accidentally wandered into one of their own gas chamers, a la some series of Final Destination accidents, and ended up asphyxiated, would you jump up and down about how that novel “included a gas chamber”?

              Whitaker Chambers was scum. It would be an ad hominem argument to say that since Whitaker Chambers was scum, we can know in advance that his moral arguments would be invalid, so we shouldn’t say that – but it’s very, very tempting.

              1. It is amazing that Chamber’s fantasy allusion/analogy which one would not of seen without looking for a smear somewhere! Anywhere! has hung around.

                It’s absurd. Rand’s opponents really need to find something else or STFU.

              2. I especially enjoyed killing the commie spawn in the sleeper berths.

              3. Whitaker Chambers was scum. It would be an ad hominem argument

                LULZ

            4. Your hysterical overworking of a piece of fiction certainly compares to the real-life murders of 100 million people in the name of collectivist idealism.

              1. *ding* and the man wins a cigar.

              2. No, the fiction’s worse – Ayn Rand didn’t have the right motives, remember?

              3. “[The Native Americans] didn’t have any rights to the land … Any white person who brought the element of civilization had THE RIGHT TO TAKE over this continent.”

                ~Ayn Rand, US Military Academy at West Point, March 6, 1974

                P.S. Questions:
                ? Is the right to take a negative or positive right?
                ? Is the right of any white person an individual or collective right?

              4. Millions of Native Americans slaughtered.

                You profit from it.

    2. way to suck at making funnies. fuck.

  5. Michigan voters don’t understand economic policy, I get it. But why is that china-man in Newt’s space suit.

    1. Per newtum ad astra.

    2. So all fat people are china-men just because they have squinty eyes? There’s a word for people like you!

      1. Observant?

    3. The chinaman is not the issue here, dude.

    4. Because the Chinese still have a space program?

  6. I’m a Michigan voter, but lack breasts and blond hair (and a purse).

    1. get a girlfriend 🙂

      1. I have a wife – with black hair, too many purses and large breasts.

    2. Michigan has nice tits but a tranny face.

      1. If they’re that big and that high, they’ve gotta be fake.

      2. Everyone Payne draws has a tranny face. It’s his style.

      3. Rick’s ribcage is nearly as ample.

        1. ah, make that Mitt.

          1. See, needed more labels.

  7. Why Romney Won Michigan

    He won the fart in a jar vote. CH4 to the White House!

  8. We may look back on this election and wish we had voted in Newt if we can’t use our Moon Colony as a base to destroy that 2040 asteroid.

    I note with interest that astronomers usually say “There’s nothing to worry about” but this time are saying, “There’s nothing to worry about, but maybe we should start thinking how we will move this thing”. Hmmmmmm.

    1. And note we are reducing our nuclear armory to the cries of the GOP. If we ever get a mass Armageddon style meteor problem boy that is going to make Obama look bad. I mean, even with 300 nukes you know those tight-assed Air Force guys will screw up on many of them, causing those happy-go lucky drillers to have to work harder to save the day.

      1. They’ll probably take a handgun with them too. We better ban those while we’re at it.

        Only assault rifles should be allowed in space.

        1. “In space, no one can hear your AR….for lack of oxygen…SHIT!”

    2. A 1 in 625 chance of global catastrophe… That’s definitely a RED cell on the risk assessment spreadsheet.

  9. Rick Santorum is a blue collar valley girl?

    1. OHMAGOD!!

  10. The Friday Funnies are so incredibly unfunny that they paradoxically start becoming funny.

  11. My own T-shirt was wet, but I don’t remember how it got that way.

  12. Nice ears on Ron Paul. Mr. Payne must have had a field day with Ross Perot 20 years ago.

    1. It’s the reason I bought a bigger monitor.

  13. I had no clue who the ‘Rick’ was; If you continue to use that likeness, I’d put his full name and SS number on his T-shirt too

  14. I get which ones are Santorum and Gingrich from the labels, but who are the other two?

    1. Are you saying…you need more labels?

  15. Thanks to everyone for paying attention to me!!

  16. I had no clue who the ‘Rick’ was

    Probably because Payne’s notion of Rick’s signature sweater vest looks for all the world like a lumberjack shirt with rolled-up sleeves.

  17. I must have no sense of rumor, because I never find these actually funny.

    1. Read the Warning Label?:

      “Reason ‘Friday Funnies’ are not recommended for testing your sense of humor. Such testing should be conducted by professionals in a controlled environment, like Warty’s basement, or something. But NOT using ‘Friday Funnies’.”

  18. I like how Payne has Christopher Knight (AKA “Peter Brady”)playing Sanctimonioustorum in the first panel.

    I love me some Brady bunch!

    So C+!

  19. Payne did a good job drawing Santorum’s freakishly constricted mouth. That’s how I knew it was “The Rick” even with the lumberjack shirt.

    This one wasn’t any funnier than previous attempts, but it had more “stuff” in it.

  20. 1) Rick isn’t wearing a seatbelt. Vying for the libertarian vote?

    2) Newt’s so conservative he lactates oil. Vying for the libertarian vote?

    3) Romney wearing The Jacket. Vying for the libertarian vote?

  21. Reason’s fraudulent title for this feature is making me doubt that it’s even Friday.

  22. Check out this new fact checking website:

    http://www.VoteFacts.org

  23. i LIKE IT when i don’t have to be clever to understand the funnies.

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