Media

Wolf Blitzer's "Salute to Politicians"

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You think it's easy?

The ageless, beardful non-wonder of CNN takes time between situations to pen a love-letter to those selfless souls who sacrifice so much just for the opportunity to spend your money on things you don't like. Sample:

I know it will probably sound weird, but I admire these politicians who put themselves out there before the American public knowing full well that all their warts will be exposed big time.

Most of them already have lots of money. They could easily coast at this point in their lives and sit back and relax.

Instead, they are working hard on the campaign trail.

I've seen them in action, and it's tough. […]

You think it's easy going out there all the time and appealing for campaign cash?

Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, Jon Huntsman, Ron Paul and Rick Perry could have taken the easy path and relaxed and enjoyed life. Instead of playing golf and hanging out with their children and grandchildren, they are working hard trying to get the Republican presidential nomination.

Living in a world that's changed

Don't read the whole thing here.

First of all, yes, it's "weird." Second, there's nothing "relaxing" about "playing golf"–all those annoying Type-B+ A-holes sighing and looking at their watches just because you're 7-putting the par-3 2nd hole do not a relaxing afternoon make. But mostly, WTF, Wolf?

As Salon's Alex Pareene notes, "In their pursuit of more power these already powerful men have allowed themselves to be scrutinized and even occasionally criticized, which is quite a sacrifice."

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  1. I have no problem with the post, but why link a leftist douche like Alex Pareene?

    1. Reading Alex Pareene makes for an excellent laxative. Your poops just slides right out; I mean it.

    2. Because they don’t believe in ad hominems?

    3. Makes sense. If Pareene thinks you’re a douche, then you’ve achieved levels of douchiness that humans can really only conceive of in abstract, symbolic terms.

  2. What a sick fuck. I mean it.

  3. Big time news anchor fellates politicians. In other news, sky still blue.

  4. Golfers ruin golf. I actually enjoy the game. It is very zen like. The great thing about it is that you are playing the course and yourself. No one else has to be involved. But the assholes who play the sport can’t appreciate that. They want to constantly bet on everything, piss and moan about every bad shot they hit, constantly talk shit. They pretty much ruin the game.

    1. Have you considered bird-watching?

      1. My mother was a big bird watcher. I still can identify most birds I see thanks to her. But a bit too boring for me. I am seriously thinking about competitive shooting. Now there is a zen sport.

        1. You get just as many assholes at the practice range that you do on a golf course. You ask people to hold their fire while you set up a new target, and they piss and moan about how long you take, or worse just hold for a minute and then fire again even if you aren’t back yet. The asshole gun owners ruin it for everyone else.

          1. I could see that. I am always amazed at what dorks a lot of gun nuts are. I laugh when liberals talk about “gun shows” being some great threat to civilization. They are one step above Trekie conventions.

            1. Every interest known to man has it’s geek contingent, who will be intolerant and annoying to the casual participant.

          2. Not if you’re playing skeet or trap or five-stand.

            1. True. Not a lot of idol chatter out there since every sound sets off the trap.

              1. Well, only if you’re using voice activators, which admittedly many places do now.

              2. Not a lot of idol chatter out there

                You should try a Bible Belt range sometime.

                1. True. I keep shooting with Catholics. Damn Mary worshipers.

              3. Next thing they’ll learn sign language.

            2. Skeet surfing is relaxing.

        2. It truly trule is. It’s funny but one of the few things that kept me from utter depression while I was unemployed was my monthly trip to the trap shooting range with my friends.

      2. I love bird watching but I hate getting up early on a weekend morning even more.

        1. Get some bird feeders and put out a variety of seed. Also add a birdbath.

          I live in the ghetto and yet because I do this (and have for twenty-five years) I have had at least fifty species — everything from orchard orioles to pileated woodpeckers to prairie falcons and owls — feeding in my yard. The hawks and falcons come to eat the well fed-birds.

          It’s an all day thing too. No need to get up early.

          http://www.simply-san-juan.com…..ington.jpg

          http://www.hawkquest.org/mews/PrairieFalcon.shtml

  5. You think it’s easy going out there all the time and appealing for campaign cash?

    And Blitzer, in one sentence, exposes the sycophantism, stupidity, and collaboration with government of the media.

    Fuck him, and all his peers.

    1. It’s Tom Sawyer whitewashing in reverse.

      1. Chief Giant Brain: Tom Sawyer, you tricked me! This is less fun than previously indicated. Let this corny slice of Americana be your tomb for all eternity!
        Tom Sawyer: Please, no!

        1. “Farewell! You will all be trapped in this dense symbolist tome forever!”

          1. “The Big Brain am winning again! Now I leave Earth for no raisin.”

            1. What changed to cause Futurama to go from the best comedy ever before the cancellation to current Simpsons-level bad when it came back?

              1. They probably couldn’t get the original writers, who have almost assuredly moved on to new gigs, back.

                The new writers are absolutely atrocious. Why bring it back with such a horrible staff?

                1. I thought the first season back was OK, but the newest episodes have been terrible. Why not just end the show with the movies?

                2. Why bring it back with such a horrible staff?

                  What are they supposed to do? Come up with new ideas? Give those WGA guys a break!

  6. I know what they say. They say they are interested in public service and want to help the American people. They say they believe in what they are trying to achieve.

    Wow. It’s like Syrup of Ipecac in print form.

  7. You think it’s easy going out there all the time and appealing for campaign cash?

    Begging is a tough gig. Tough. Just ask someone who works for a supermarket.

  8. all those annoying Type-B+ A-holes sighing and looking at their watches just because you’re 7-putting the par-3 2nd hole do not a relaxing afternoon make

    “Then maybe you should act golf better.”

    1. Even if you do, they are still assholes.

  9. His beard’s not even all that good.

    1. He should have shaved it off like everyone else did in the 1990s.

      1. No, retard, he should have grown it long and styled it like Hammurabi. Retard.

        1. And what, look like an orthodox Jew?

  10. Whenever I go golfing I always feel the course would make a much better rifle range.

    1. No kidding. Not to mention that, for the money you blow on a set of golf clubs and fruity golf clothes, you could buy a bitchin’ target rifle and a ton of ammo.

    2. Do you mentally remove all the players, or leave them where they are?

      1. They’re stuffed with Tannerite, of course.

        1. Warty, tannerite requires high velocity projectiles to work properly. What’s your swing speed?

      2. Just yell “fore”

    3. Just play “golf with a shotgun”; i.e. trap.

      1. Yes, if you wanted to be a big fag, you could buy an engraved Italian shotgun instead of a bitchin’ target rifle. I guess.

        1. I want to be a big fag. But I’ll go with a Citori.

        2. Either a Remington 5R or slap a Shrike belt fed upper on my M16.

      2. Really pushing the trap today, eh Epi?

  11. There’s a guy by the Falls Church East station that has a sign that says, “bet you can’t hit me with a quarter”. That’s a guy I admire.

  12. Second, there’s nothing “relaxing” about “playing golf”

    Especially when I can’t get the ball past the windmill!

    1. Damn. Well, I had the *second*-best line!

  13. Those selfless souls who sacrifice so much, yet, inexplicably, wind up so wealthy.

    1. And get treated like Gods while they are there. Any millionaire can buy a plane or a rent a limo or hire a few toadies. But only a politician gets a police escort and secret service protection. That shit goes right to their heads.

      1. In ages past, the aspiring supervillain could hire a private army and invade Honduras or something. In this day and age, though, being elected is really the only way to go.

        1. The West Wing is a great Super Villain lair.

          1. Eh, I’ve evilly-plotted better.

    2. I mean, there’s no way he isn’t outright lying here. It’s that blatantly false.

  14. It’s pretty clear Wolf probably doesn’t like this field very much. Ron Paul wouldn’t think of going to take time off or relax while America is tanking and people are hurting. Here’s hoping the voters will get on board and elect Ron Paul.

    1. I am sure he would take time off. But I doubt he would try to be the Sun King as our current President does.

      1. Holy shit, one of these Johns is a clone! WHICH ONE DO I SHOOT??

        1. He is not trolling. different e-mail address.

          1. So he’s got a goatee?

            1. Actually, original John is the evil one, so he has the goatee.

              1. “It’s a little thing called style. Look it up sometime.”

              2. It is my universe. You are just living in it.

            2. No, his stitches are on the opposite side.

          2. Is it Fringe alternative universe John or Mirror Universe John?

        2. Nukes. Orbit. Be sure.

        3. Flexo. Shoot Flexo.

  15. I know it will probably sound weird, but I admire these capitalists who put themselves out there before the American marketplace knowing full well that all their warts will be exposed big time.

    Most of them already have lots of money. They could easily coast at this point in their lives and sit back and relax.

    Instead, they are working hard on the next big product for their companies.

    I’ve seen them in action, and it’s tough. […]

    You think it’s easy going out there all the time and appealing for investor cash?

    Bill Gates, the Koch brothers, Kenneth Frazier, and Sam Walton could have taken the easy path and relaxed and enjoyed life. Instead of playing golf and hanging out with their children and grandchildren, they are working hard trying to win over more customers and give more people jobs.

    1. *jumps through this post, into the universe it originated from*

  16. Most of them already have lots of money. They could easily coast at this point in their lives and sit back and relax.

    Sociopaths follow their nature, attempt to gain power instead of relaxing. News at 11.

    1. This. It ain’t money politicians lust after, it’s power.

  17. “You think it’s easy going out there all the time and appealing for investor cash?”

    So, using Wolf’s rationale, those aren’t bums I pass on every corner on my way to work; they’re hard working Americans sacrificing their time and energy begging for cash instead of playing golf.

  18. I’m sorry, but the outrageous thing about his writing is that he ended a sentence with the phrase, “big time.” Ugh. Bad enough that he would speak such a phrase, but for a professional “journalist” to WRITE IT DOWN? Boy oh boy oh boy.

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