Hot For Teacher-Criminalizing Sex Between Legal Adults?! Nanny of the Month (November 2011)


This month's nannies include drug warriors who are hyping fears about "digital" drugs (i.e. not actual physical substances) and fat warriors who are using a talking plate (introducing Mandometer!) to pester chubby folks into eat properly.

But this month's top dishonors go to the Wolverine State pol whose so-called "Hot for Teacher" bill could end up criminalizing sex between consenting adults of legal age.

Presenting's Nanny of the Month for November 2011: Michigan State Sentator Roger Kahn!

Approximately 1.40 minutes.

"Nanny of the Month" is written and produced by Ted Balaker. Opening animation by Meredith Bragg.

Go here to watch previous Nanny of the Month episodes.

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NEXT: Unemployment Benefits: Not So Beneficial After All

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  1. Obviously, we need more powerful teachers unions.

    Girl student and male teacher? Not cool. Guy student and hot lady teacher? Nice going, dude.

    1. One of my classmates at Navy Nuclear Power School ended up marrying our math teacher. They kept their romance more or less secret while we were students (although in retrospect she kept swinging by our class to check on our progress unusually often).

      1. NICE! (except for that getting married part – Jesus, hit it and eventually quit it!)

      2. You were in the Navy with Newt Gingrich?

    2. Nice!

    3. Nice.

    4. Meh.

      1. Fucking sick but funny

  2. Blatant sexploitation, and Reason doesn’t run nearly enough of these, IMHO.

  3. Kyle: Yeah. She’s having sex with a boy.

    Detective 2: Oh. But- But she’s ugly, right?

    Kyle: Well, no, not really. It’s the kindergarten teacher, Miss Stevenson.

    Detective 1: The blonde?

    Kyle: Yeah.

    Cop 1: Some young boy’s having sex with Miss Stevenson?

    Kyle: Yes.

    Cop 1: Nice.

    Detective 1: Nice.

    1. Cartman (Dog the Bounty Hunter):
      “Unless you don’t want to get her pregnant… Then you pull it out and pee on her leg!”

    2. “This is serious. We need to track this student down and give him his ‘luckiest boy in America’ medal right away!”

  4. This is a great injustice, why on earth did none of my teachers ever look like that ?

    1. I had a couple that were hot. One was quite the flirt. I suspect she was doing some of my fellow athletes.

    2. Not only did none of my teachers look like that, none of the teachers in my entire school looked like that.

    3. I had one much hotter than that one. The old bitches ran her off after a year.

      1. I had one super-hot teacher when I was in high school. Rumor has it that she fucked a couple of students, but all unconfirmed.

        I can honestly say, however, that she gave me more than one boner with an accidental upskirt and brush on my shoulder with her tits.


        1. My middle school had a teacher who was a previous Miss Florida, and was still in her mid-20’s. Personally, I thought there were a couple teachers there better looking than her.

          1. Holy shit! Was this in Western Mass in the early 80s?

  5. Good Lord! My old high school Civics teacher married one of his students, lol! He was happily married to her his entire life.

  6. I’m 24, male, and from Michigan where this is being proposed. Last year I worked as a substitute teacher at the local K-12 public school. There was a foreign exchange student in one of my classes that looked like a Slavic version of Kristina Hendricks. I looked up from my desk to see her looking at me, she then smiled and winked and me. I looked away quickly because despite it being the sweetest temptation I have experienced in a long time, I do not want to go to prison for the next decade for pursuing and “raping” her. Thanks a lot feminists/evangelicals statists.

    1. If you take sexual advantage of her, you’re going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.

      1. If I had written “and people who talk at the theater” Tulpa would have accuse me of veiled racism.

        1. What about people that shoot other people in the back of the head before jumping on stage and ruining the show at the theater?

          1. Fucking actors.

            1. SIC SEMPER ACTORIS

              1. See, that’s where Lincoln fucked up. He should’ve been the one with the pistol, shooting Booth and all the other actors. Imagine how great America would be today without actors.

                1. In a world where actors make boring plays that your wife makes you sit through, one man had enough and he was going to take matters into his own hands….


                  “Blam! Blam! Actors. Y’all a bunch a bitches.”

                  …starring Libertymike as Lincoln.

                  1. Pistols and a giant spear are his tools, actors his prey.

                    1. It’s showtime, Booth!

        2. What do you mean ‘veiled’?

      2. Preacher, you got a smutty mind.

    2. a Slavic version of Kristina Hendricks

      I’ll be in sarcasmics’ bunk.

      1. I thought sarcasmic didn’t like ’em that thick.

        Still can’t believe she’s married to the window-licker from Super Troopers.

        1. Wait a minute – Christina Hendricks is married to that little goofball “best friend” from “500 Days of Summer?” I’m gonna go slit my wrists now.

        2. Me neither. He must be hung like a moose or something.

          1. Oy, don’t remind me…

    3. Oh, man… Christina Hendricks. *drool*

  7. From a linked article:

    The bill was sparked by concerns from prosecutors who said they were unable to charge teachers who had sex with students after the students turned 18, including one who waited until the day after the girl’s birthday before taking to her a hotel room.

    What’s that? You mean to tell me that prosecutors cannot charge people for activity that’s perfectly legal? We must close that loophole immediately.

    1. And what about all those 21 year olds going into bars right on their birthday? They should be forced to wait a few years, I’m thinking.

      1. You joke, but a number of states have been working on that to a limited degree, trying to make it illegal to start drinking at midnight on your birthday, and instead being forced to wait until the next morning/afternoon.

        1. No, really, you must be joking.

    2. ..including one who waited until the day after the girl’s birthday before taking to her a hotel room.

      How did he haul the hotel room?

    3. It’s easy to chuckle, but only because her father didn’t decide to perform a little baseball bat correction on the teacher.

  8. Michigan: the land of fucking retards.

    We should sell it to Canada for $3.50.

    1. Oh, and…

      Who watched the Buckeyes beat the absolute shit out of Duke last night?


      1. I-O! Good win. More of those please. Plus Urban Meyer. Things are looking up Sloop.

        1. Look at their schedule. If they can get by Kansas in 10 days, they should be undefeated well into the season.

          1. They’re pretty impressive. That was an awesome game to watch.

        2. Go Blue.

          Hail to the Victors motherfuckers, how’d you like that score?

      2. Duke sucks.

        1. They’re certainly not very deep. And those Plumlee boys are soft as shit. A huge disappointment for Dick Vitale and every other mongoloid Dukie ass-kisser out there.

          1. Hey! How dare you diss Dicky V.?

            Sloopy, seriously, if Dick Vitale is not a walking advertisement for the proposition “love what you do” than nobody is.

            Dicky V has the three Es:




            1. No. No. No.
              He has the three S’s:

              Sucking of the ACC’s cock.

              Fuck Vitale. I would rather go into my record shop and special order a Britney Spears album than listen to him.

              No, fuck that. I would rather have my 11 yr old son go over to Jerry Sandusky’s house alone, with a pocketfull of roofies and condoms, to help him plan his defense than listen to Dickie V.

              1. Seriously–Vitale’s constant Duke shilling is as bad as Madden’s bro-lust for Brett Favre.

              2. Dippity-doo dunkaroo by da diaper dandy, baby!

                But seriously, Dook bigs are always soft as shit.

        2. Just wanted to echo the Duke Sucks sentiment.

          And also: Go ‘Cats! I really want to see how they fare against UNC on Saturday, but I will be in stupid Canada surrounded by the non-college basketball watching stupids I call relatives.

          1. Should be a good game. I think Kentucky wins by a possession or three.

            Also, if you look around for it, there are ways to find online streams (one might even Google “wiziwig”). There’s no other way I’d get to watch my Heels from overseas, yet I catch most games.

      3. I understand that basketball is a sport that a lot of normal people like. I understand this, but I sure as fuck don’t get it.

        1. I hear most Clevelanders say the same about pro football.

        2. I love the Syracuse program!

        3. You’re not the only one, dude.

        4. There are sports other than football? Many people where I live will be amazed to learn that.

        5. There are sports other than football? Many people where I live will be amazed to learn that.

          1. Foul demons of double posting, I rebuke you!

        6. Seems as good as any get-the-ball-to-the-goal game to me.

      4. OSU is looking pretty good this year.

        1. Good thing they have basketball, because they sucked at football this year. It will be interesting to see what Meyer can do without Tebow and without the inside track on kids from Florida.

          1. He’ll do fine in the Big Ten.

            1. disagree. Recruiting Florida makes the difference. Key witness: Steve Spurrier – unbeatable in Gainesville, not so much in Columbia.

              1. In the Big Ten he’ll do fine. Within those confines. Not outside of them.

      5. Why would anybody watch An Ohio state university?

    2. I ain’t giving you know three-fiddy ya god damn Loch Ness Monster!

      1. Yours was much better and 14 minutes before mine. Damn.

    3. Damn it! I told you not to give that damn Loch Ness monster tree fitty.

    4. $3.50 USD or Canadian. Either way the Canucks are getting hosed.

      1. “$3.50 USD or Canadian?” …punctuation – it’s a difficult concept.

      2. Just send them several boxes of Kraft Dinner.

  9. young, attractive teachers should be fired immediately. They have no business around our CHILDREN! or our ADULTS!!

  10. In Texas, it’s 2 years in jail. I used to substitute teach after college. Even though I got another job, I could have been sent to jail for having sex with any 19 year old who was still in any school until the year was up and my contract expired.

  11. The mendacity of the WaPo mind:

    Ruth Marcus as excerpted from Glenn Greenwald

    Emma Sullivan, you’re lucky you’re not my daughter. . . . If you were my daughter, you’d be writing that letter apologizing to Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback for the smart?alecky, potty-mouthed tweet you wrote after meeting with him on a school field trip. . . .

    Also, that smartphone? The one you posed with, proudly displaying the tweet in which you announced that Brownback “sucked” and added the lovely hashtag #heblowsalot? Turned off until you learn to use it responsibly.

    I may sound alarmingly crotchety here, but something is upside down in the modern world, which has transformed Sullivan into an unlikely Internet celebrity and heroine of the liberal blogosphere. . . .

    The Constitution does not grant teenagers the fundamental right to have a cellphone or use foul language on it. The parental role is to inculcate values of respect for authority ? even those you disagree with ? and the importance of civil discourse. It’s not to stand up for your little darling no matter how much she mouths off.

    Everyone who isn’t your daughter. you fool bitch still a member of the junior high student body council in your head, is lucky not to be your daughter.


    1. I swear the squirrels are screwing with my punctuation.

    2. Ruth Marcus: Because that government cock ain’t gonna suck itself.

      Slurp on sister, slurp on.

      1. From the comments (not bad except for the partisans in denial that their own side has a fetish for the glove of totalitarianism that it is purely the other team that does so):

        The new American journalistic motto:

        Inculcate values of respect for authority!!!

    3. I, for one, will not interfere with Ruth Marcus’s right to be a servile little lickspittle who trains her daughter to knuckle under to politicians instead of giving them the public disrespect they so richly deserve.

      1. Oh, she would have been singing an entirely different tune if the girl had clowned on a TEAM BLUE politician. In that case, she’d be praising the girl’s free mind and daring challenge to authority.

        1. Uh… have you ever read Ruth Marcus’s regular column? She’s pretty much a lefty Obama sycophant.

          1. No. So she really is just an authority fetishist. I don’t know which is worse.

          2. I thought she was one of those Brooksian big government fetishists conservatives brought on the oped team for ‘balance’.

            You know, so there are some writers for more government and some for morer government…Both sides!

            1. Okay, checked her wiki and there is no political affiliation given. It did say that she went to Harvard law school, though.

              Christ stuffed in a fucking turkey, has anything good come out of that shithole? Seems like anytime I read an author that is either pathologically inclined to authoritarianism or is economically illiterate they turn out to be graduates of Harvard law.

              1. Read any of her columns at RCP. She is a devout partisan Team Blue cocksucker and statist.

        2. Good call. If you read the article there is a link that has Marcus agreeing with a democrat (Gibbs ze gimp) who said that Obama’s liberal critics are deranged and need drug testing.

          And can we get this out of the way right now? Ruth Marcus is a very ugly woman. Any girl would be lucky not to be her daughter just by missing the lantern-jawed-woman-gene that Ruth seems to possess. Or maybe it’s all of the anabolic steroids that RM ingests in her clitoris enlargement program that’s the cause of her massively misshapen head.

    4. Sullivan attended a school-sponsored event at which Gov. Brownback spoke, and during it, tweeted to her 60 followers: “Just made mean comments at gov brownback and told him he sucked, in person. #heblowsalot.” Sullivan did not in fact say anything to Brownback […]

      … which makes Ms. Sullivan a proven liar, and that eminently qualifies her for a political career.

      1. Like anyone’s shocked that a middle-class liberal white girl with daddy issues would completely make shit up to get “You GO, girl! You’re fierce!” affirmation tweets from her phaggot striver acquaintances.

        Not that Brownback’s response to this was any less childish, but the mere fact that she’s getting any props for this, as if she’d said something of actual substance, shows how emotionally regressive politics has become.

      2. “Just made mean comments at gov brownback and told him he sucked, in person. #heblowsalot.”

        Well does he SUCK or does he BLOW?!?!?!

        Make up your mind!!!

  12. What surprises me is that extramarital sex and cheating are not criminalized and there is virtually no push to criminalize it….not even by religious organization.

    Considering human history this phenomena is unprecedented.

    I am constantly surprised at how “libertarian” our laws are in regards to sex.

    1. Used to be, you could beat or even kill a cheatin’ woman, and the man was allowed to do whatever he wanted. No laws needed, as the man was the law. So I imagine the transition to what we have now just happened quickly enough to skip the step of involving the law.

      1. Nope. It’s on the books in many states.

        In MI, adultery can carry a life sentence. (cue joke)

        1. I was mostly just kidding, but I do think that laws against adultery weren’t much enforced. Even in cause-based divorce, the use of adultery as the justification was often just an agreed-upon fraud.

    2. They are in the military.

      However, every case I know of where someone was prosecuted for adultery, the victim defendant had pissed off some superior to the point where the superior was looking for any excuse to hang their ass out to dry.

      The saddest case I knew of was of a QM1 who discovered his hot, sexually aggressive new girlfriend was actually his division officer’s wife and was trying to teach her husband a lesson about “respect”.

      The guy was lucky, he was found guilty but only stripped of his EOD specialization (never fuck your division officer’s wife in the magazine you are supposed to be guarding is a rule that should be taught in boot camp but is not).

      He didn’t do jail time, nor did they boot him out.

      1. Adultery is in the UCMJ. Charges are rarely found except in the case of a superior involved with someone in their sphere of responsibility. The charge is often brought but hardly ever carried through to a legal proceeding. The case you discuss sounds like it was probably settled through non-judicial punishment (art. 15).

      2. You know what they say about girls that take it in the magazine.

        1. Maybe she was worried she’d get pregnant.

    3. Uh – fornication and adultery WERE illegal in most, if not all, of the U.S. for a very long time. Until the SCOTUS decided Lawrence v. Texas, which makes it pretty clear that such laws by and large are not constitutionally enforceable.

      Several states (including Virginia) still have adultery, fornication and sodomy laws on the books. They’re not enforced, and they probably couldn’t be anymore.

      1. They recently charged a woman with adultery in New York. She was screwing in on a table in Central Park.

        1. That was just Occupy Vagina.

        2. Are you sure it is for adultery? or is it public nudity and lewdness?

      2. Several states (including Virginia) still have adultery, fornication and sodomy laws on the books. They’re not enforced, and they probably couldn’t be anymore.

        Lawrence does not preclude prosecution if the conduct involved force, public acts, prostitution, or minors.

        In addition, under the UCMJ Lawrence does not preclude prosecution if the conduct was prejudicial to discipline and good order. See United States v. Marcum 60 M.J. 198 (C.A.A.F. 2004)

  13. I can think of a few teachers that I fantasized about at the time. One of the best was my college calculus prof. She was relatively young, so only a few years older than we students were. She wasn’t smoking hot, but she had a righteous rack and looked amazing in a sweater. After a while, she was the only reason I kept going to calculus, because otherwise, it was godawful boring.

    I think she started catching on after a while because I would spend the whole class just staring right at her.

    I had a high school English/Lit teacher who used to go to rock concerts and get high with some of the guys. Don’t know if it ever went beyond that.

    And none of my teachers ever looked as hot as that babe above.

    1. Re: Barely Suppressed Rage,

      I think she started catching on after a while because I would spend the whole class just staring right at her.

      Are you sure it wasn’t the puddle of drool on your desk that gave you away?

      Or is your stare so creepy as to stand out from the other over-sexed lads?

  14. Ah. Sacre bleu. My highschool French teacher who used to sit on the edge of her desk at the front of the room. It was the mini-skirt era… ooo la la! BTW she was actually German, and spoke English with a German accent, but I never noticed if she spoke French with a German accent. Whenever she spoke at all my attention was mostly captured by legs. I did manage to pass that class however because I already had several years of French and used to write my tests and essays in mirror (backwards) writing, which she marked and commented upon the same way. If only I had been more cocky! (pun intended)

  15. Theres no two ways about it Anna is a stunning beauty whose looks will open many doors for her in life.

    With delicate features reminiscent of the most beautiful porcelain doll, Anna is a girl of few words. However being quiet does not necessarily equal being shy as Petter found out during their first photo session together.

    Anna is the kind of girl who is perfectly comfortable being photographed naked and is unafraid to show off all the glory she was born with. And glorious she is – with a tiny body that is blessed with the trademark full breasts that have made Ukrainian girls sought after in the world of beauty.

    Anna only started modeling recently but with her combination of stunning looks, perfect body and quiet self-belief we think youll definitely be seeing her again!

  16. Sex is terrible and unlibertarian. Why must you cosmosexuals continue to highlight such freakish behavior. Libertarians are old white middle class families that only have sex in the missionary position during the frumpy wife’s fertile years.

    1. Sex is terrible and unlibertarian.

      “The pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.”

      (Supposedly by) Lord Chesterfield (1694 – 1773)

  17. Now thats what I am talkiing about dude. WOw.

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  22. This already a law in Kansas. In fact we have just had a teacher convicted because he had a relationship with a student who graduated but who had been in his class her senior year. 1 year plus permant sex register offender. Using professional position to influnce student. By the way is was prosecutors decision following comments he had heard.

  23. This is all ready in effect in Kansas. In fact the teacher could be arrested even after the student has recently graduated if he/she had previously had him/her in class.

  24. It wasn’t until I took my wife’s Italian class at Night School that I realised she was a sex offender.

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