Another Global Warming Menace: Space Aliens!

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Death to carbon dioxide emitters!

Just when you think you've heard it all, NASA researchers have come up with novel reasons for mitigating man-made global warming. The Guardian is reporting a new study that looks at various scenarios in which humanity makes contact with space aliens. From the Guardian

It may not rank as the most compelling reason to curb greenhouse gases, but reducing our emissions might just save humanity from a pre-emptive alien attack, scientists claim.

Watching from afar, extraterrestrial beings might view changes in Earth's atmosphere as symptomatic of a civilisation growing out of control – and take drastic action to keep us from becoming a more serious threat, the researchers explain.

This highly speculative scenario is one of several described by a Nasa-affiliated scientist and colleagues at Pennsylvania State University that, while considered unlikely, they say could play out were humans and alien life to make contact at some point in the future. … 

The authors warn that extraterrestrials may be wary of civilisations that expand very rapidly, as these may be prone to destroy other life as they grow, just as humans have pushed species to extinction on Earth. In the most extreme scenario, aliens might choose to destroy humanity to protect other civilisations.

"A preemptive strike would be particularly likely in the early phases of our expansion because a civilisation may become increasingly difficult to destroy as it continues to expand. Humanity may just now be entering the period in which its rapid civilisational expansion could be detected by an ETI because our expansion is changing the composition of the Earth's atmosphere, via greenhouse gas emissions," the report states.

"Green" aliens might object to the environmental damage humans have caused on Earth and wipe us out to save the planet. "These scenarios give us reason to limit our growth and reduce our impact on global ecosystems. It would be particularly important for us to limit our emissions of greenhouse gases, since atmospheric composition can be observed from other planets," the authors write.

As much as I enjoy outside-the-box thinking, I agree that fears of wrathful "green" space aliens "may not rank as the most compelling reason to curb greenhouse gases." 

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  1. Did these people hire LoneWacko or something?

    1. But it’s happening now

      http://www.foxnews.com/scitech…..test=faces

    2. Somebody please confirm that this is a knock-off of the Sokal farce, and that my tax dollars are not wasted so wantonly. Please. Please.

      Alan Sokal published a totally nonsensical study titled “Transgressing the Boundaries: Towards a Transformative Hermeneutics of Quantum Gravity” to demonstrate the sad state of scholarly journals in the social sciences. This has to be something similar. It simply cannot be for real.

  2. This was a shitty concept when they ruined The Day the Earth Stood Still with it.

    1. Yeah, I was thinking the same thing… “Didn’t they just steal that from The Day the Earth Stood Still”?

      1. But I learned from War of the Worlds that earth’s germs will wipe out all of the aliens. Of course there will be a lot of alien vomit to mop up. But on the plus side, that will create jobs.

    2. Uh, there was no “ruining”. TDTESS (both 1951 and 2008 versions) were ultimately morality plays with aliens as “loving, benevolent” gods who ultimately get pissed at humanity for our technological hubris and decide to obliterate us, in their mercy. See, also abrahamic religions.

      1. ^ *Comment of the day*

      2. Sure, but the 1951 version was a good movie and the 2008 version was a piece of shit. You don’t have to agree with the moral of said morality play to appreciated the movie aesthetically.

  3. NASA – not Nasa

    1. Thank you.

      1. BTW, I’m seeing an ad here for an all electric car by Mitsubishi that sells for onder $21,000.

        1. If it’s the same ad I saw, it doesn’t technically “sell” for $21,000. Mitsubishi is claiming that the stock model will cost you $21K if you qualify for and receive every government rebate, etc. that currently exists.

  4. Won’t someone think of the economic stimulus an alien invasion would provide!

    1. Too late, Paulie Krugnuts did just that a few days ago.

    2. The fact that space aliens have not invaded the earth is proof that they are evil Republicans who don’t want President Obama to secede in revitalizing the economy.

      1. Paulie, you’re not saying that alien invaders are racist, are you?

  5. This was also a detail of the book Good Omens. Space aliens pull people over and give them a warning that the planet’s albedo isn’t shiny enough.

  6. So, in the green religion, aliens are the equivalent of angels?

    1. they were in eqypt & peru

    2. Yes, I noticed that, too. Basically it’s the same “be good or the angry god(s) will take vengeance on us” hokum that religion has been pushing for years.

      It’s more likely that alien civilizations have been through this crisis on their own, and would therefore understand our predicament.

      This is particularly distaseteful coming from a government agency. It’s a borderline violation of the establishment clause (aliens=gods). Also shameful that scientists (who strongly tend towards atheism) would use this scare tactic.

      1. ET aint shit babieee

      2. I was wondering if I was the only one who was bothered by the fact that there’s a government agency keeping people who are wasting time on shit like this on the payroll when we’re running trillion and a half dollar deficit.

        Talk about sacrificing something for the good of all. Methinks it’s time to sacrifice some astrobiologists or whatever it is they’re calling these charlatans.

  7. But what if aliens don’t respect non-industrial civilizations and consider them stupid and retrograde?

    Then they might come and kill us for NOT having global warming! Gasp!

    Or what if aliens are looking for planets to colonize, and they avoid planets whose atmospheres make it apparent that they already contain civilizations? Gasp! Battle: LA could come true by mistake!

    See? I can use pointless speculation to create nonprovable scenarios that support my side, too! Yay!

    1. Damn, you got to my idea first. I was going to say, what if aliens are monitoring us with the intent of making contact at some point when we’re sufficiently advanced, but upon seeing our apparent industrial activity dropping, say, “Huh – they must be regressing. Oh well, no point visiting now”? Unprovable Hypothesis is Unprovable.

      A slightly more serious thing I would note is that any alien species capable of traveling here, monitoring us, and destroying us is vastly more powerful and expansive than we are, and therefore the idea that they’re going to kill us for “growing out of control” is kind of ridiculous. They might like and respect us for our aggressive growth, or they might fear and hate us for it, but in neither case are we going to be able to do a damn thing about it.

      Also, I note this: “They might invite humanity to join the ‘Galactic Club’ only for the entry requirements to be too bureaucratic and tedious for humans to bother with.” Extra-terrestrial rent-seeking!

      1. the idea that they’re going to kill us for “growing out of control” is kind of ridiculous

        KIND OF?! “growing out of control” solves itself. WHY THE FUCK would aliens have to intervene at all? Just wait a few centuries, then move in.

        1. That’s what I was thinking. If the folks on old Sol 3 look like they’re about to committ suicide, the aliens will want or need to destroy us?

          And I doubt that our changing atmosphere will be any more of a tipoff to lurking aliens than the radio waves we’ve been beaming out for over a century now . . .

          1. Aaiiieee! Shoulda scrolled through: PL at 10:09 already covered this.

    2. “See? I can use pointless speculation to create nonprovable scenarios that support my side, too!”

      You’ve got miles to go before you catch up to Warty and his death by ass-fire scenario.

  8. Thanks for the hat-tip Ron!

    1. I see what you did there.

    2. heller: ? When?

      1. He posted it buried in the Fright Night thread and hasn’t shut up about it since.

        1. Pip put it up in the Morning Links as well.

          1. And John posted it in Friday Funnies. But no one puts heller in a corner.

            1. I couldn’t make it through the Friday Funnies.

              1. What are you, too good to scroll?

                1. Is see that many reasonable-ignored posts, it just back away before I get the urge to unblock and read the idiocy. It’s like an alcoholic staying away from bars.

                  1. So Jezebel is non-alcoholic?

                    1. I have no urge to argue with the trolls on other boards. Or really any other commenters, troll or not.

                      Well, except for iO9. But the editors are the problem there. The commenters are just run-of-the-mill illiterates who think seeing a few episodes of Torchwood makes them experts on all of science fiction.

                    2. Hey! I watch Torchwood! (“Miracle Day” is terrible.)

                    3. I know all.

    3. Can we name a new Internet rule that nobody gets to bitch about a hat-tip for something that’s on the goddamn Drudge Report?

      1. We’ll call it “Hankering.”

        1. Settled. As long as I get a separate hat-tip every time the term is used.

          1. Stop hankering, Hank. It’s unbecoming.

            1. No hat-tip?!?

      2. nobody gets to bitch about a hat-tip for something that’s on the goddamn Drudge Report?

        Seconded

  9. Green aliens wouldn’t exterminate an inferior species, they would just manage our population. Like Predator.

    1. Or have sex with us like star trek.

    2. green aliens? soylent green? coincidence? i think not…

      1. “IT’S A COOKBOOK!!!!”

  10. Maybe they’d just hit us with a carbon tax.

    1. great, how much spacecash is that gonna cost us?

      1. “Forty thousand quatloos!”

      2. One million spacebucks. Unfair for the payor, but not for the payee. But you’re going to pay it…or else.

  11. If everytime some retarded waste of taxpayers money government study came out we appropriotely fired the “researchers” since they obviously don’t have any important to do, we could probably save a ton of money. Same goes for petty over zealous reg enforcers.

  12. So, Star Trek IV was a prophecy?

    1. I told you, I’m from Iowa. I just work in space.

  13. What if the aliens (assuming they orbit an identical star as earth’s) orbit at a distance of Mars? A greenhouse effect would be crucial for their survival. What if they orbited at a distance of Venus? Even “regular”, pre-human greenhouse effects would be viewed as insane by them.

  14. This is so ridiculous. Since a good volcanic eruption–common on planets throughout the universe, I imagine–could have the same effect, how would any increase in greenhouse gases caused by us be obviously different from natural effects?

    Also, are these idiots familiar with radio waves? The ones we’ve been broadcasting to space for a long time? Not to mention the probes we’ve launched and all the stuff we have orbiting the Earth.

    1. are these idiots familiar with radio waves? The ones we’ve been broadcasting to space for a long time? Not to mention the probes we’ve launched and all the stuff we have orbiting the Earth.

      The radio noise and debris are obviously there to deceive the aliens about our progress, therefore spurring them to eliminate us sooner.

      1. Well, the way I was looking at it is that if we were using evil, nature-hating technology, we’d need to go.

    2. Watching from afar, extraterrestrial beings might view the popularity of Adam Sandler movies as a sign of a civilisation growing out of control.

    3. This is so ridiculous. Since a good volcanic eruption–common on planets throughout the universe, I imagine–could have the same effect, how would any increase in greenhouse gases caused by us be obviously different from natural effects?

      At least by Earth standards, the human c02 output dwarfs volcanic output by many orders of magnitude (although I believe the siberian traps approached the current human output of 30-ish billion tons annually – and led to extinction of 98% of life on the planet).

  15. So much stuipd; too little time.

  16. Considering what passes for ‘climate science’, this is actually pretty reasonable.

  17. So in this argument humanity is basically like the Krogan from Mass Effect?

  18. And also they found that Sarah Palin and the Tea Party could cause an alien invasion.

    1. since their representations would cause any self-respecting alien to perceive humans as viruseses

      1. I think you just wrote Krugmans next column for him

    1. …great reference.

    2. Perry Farrel would be a really crappy pet, actually.

      1. Give him enough heroin and he’d be just fine.

  19. Hypothetical space aliens are infinitely wise.

    This means that when they arrive on earth, it will be for the purpose of teaching all of humanity the lessons I already know.

    1. I chortled.

  20. What if the aliens were small, elastic, circle shaped invertebrate and they lived off shit? I could just see them now, “Mo, you won’t believe what we found. We found a whole planet of assholes. Assholes for everybody I tell you.”

    1. Awesome. It might be a lil awkward at first, but the benefits could be tremendous. Less/no water used for toilets, savings on waste treatment.

      Plus, watch the aliens shit raw plastic or something else useful. Win/Win.

      (This speculation brought to you without any Nasa grant money.)

      1. You are like a god to me.

      2. my poop powers the planet! just keep feeding me endangered species and you’re energy problems are solved.

      3. They poop raw plastic and they smell like vanilla ice cream.

  21. “The authors warn that extraterrestrials may be wary of civilisations that expand very rapidly, as these may be prone to destroy other life as they grow…”
    _

    aint gonna happen since humans are the result of ancient alien colonization. their reveal will be our HS graduation. then we party like its 1999 babiee!

  22. After decades of searching for intelligent life outside Earth through the SETI Institute, the data supporting a believe in intelligent alien life is weaker than data supporting a belief in miracles. Why are we spending tax dollars so that NASA scientists can consider scenarios involving intelligent aliens?

    1. Uh, no. Just no. Severely not getting it. It’s not like you turn on the radio, and voila immediately receive their equivalent of “I Love Lucy”. The sky is big, signals degrade, we don’t know how they encode, the transmission window is probably a century or so, etc.

      The question of whether SETI should be tax-funded is one thing, but making such pronouncements from a position of profound, perhaps willful, ignorance is another.

    2. yea cause in an expanding universe too large to comprende, humans are the only sentience life? goes hand-in-hand w life beginning 5000 yrs ago…

      1. Re: O2,

        yea cause in an expanding universe too large to comprende, humans are the only sentience life?

        The universe is large enough for YOU not to comprehend… As language is simply too complex for you to comprehend.

        1. i luv expansions!

          1. I love to be fucked twice! Hence my nick.

      2. There might be other sentient life (maybe underwater where technology is too tricky?), but there’s no other competent life.

        Even if all scientific discovery stops today, we already know enough to become a Type II civilization within the next few millenia by building a Dyson swarm.

        And yet we can see all those other stars through our telescopes, all wastefully spitting out energy in the short wavelengths of hot stellar plasma instead of the long wavelengths of space colony radiators, and therefore all pretty much unoccupied.

        In other words, either we’re the first sentient life in our light cone; or every predecessor got stuck in a planetary dead end (like my hypothetical underwater dwellers, unable to so much as start a fire); or every predecessor killed themselves off.

        My money would be on “killed themselves off”. Colonizing space may not be impossibly hard, but that won’t matter as long as nuking the planet or infecting ourselves to extinction first is even easier.

        Ironically, I originally tried to submit this comment with hyperlinks substantiating the nuclear and biological weapons risks, but was thwarted because banning comments with too many links is apparently our best defense against spammers. Once rewriting a virus genome becomes as easy as rewriting a webcrawler bot script, we’re totally screwed. “Buy Viagra for only $5 a pill, or buy the antidote to what we just infected you with for only $500!”

        1. 1st, stars are suns insuitable themselves for life. next, longwave pattern radiation (SETI) is subject to chaos over time & distance which degrades it into noise. lastly thx for the link which was interesting.

          1. Re: Double Asshole,

            1st, stars are suns insuitable themselves for life.

            The same way that Double Asshole’s brain cells are “insuitable” for language.

      3. yea cause in an expanding universe too large to comprende, humans are the only sentience life?

        The universe? who knows.

        But seeing as how it would only take about 20,000 years for a space faring species to colonize the whole fucking galaxy and the galaxy is billions of years old…one might come to the conclusion that ET is not out there…if he was we would have seen him by now.

        Also someone has to be first….why can’t it be us?

    3. Every so often there are recorded examples of miracles. They are rare enough that they can be dismissed as outliers. So far, there is zero evidence of intelligent alien life. How many decades of negative results must there be before you accept that there isn’t anything there? At this point, I’m 90% certain that there are no intelligent aliens.

      1. Space is big enough that there could be a million species inhabiting a million planets all believing they are alone in the universe because there is no proof otherwise.

        “Do you know, I always thought unicorns were fabulous monsters, too? I never saw one alive before!”

        Well, now that we have seen each other,” said the unicorn, “if you’ll believe in me, I’ll believe in you.”

        1. Does this work even when the planet’s not tilting?

      2. Lack of proof does not equal disproof. Also, you either refuse to engage or can’t understand the actual issue. Sorry.

        1. Tonio, I engaged you in my 8.19.11 @ 11:41AM comment by giving more details about the data. The fact that you don’t recognize a presentation of the data as a form of scientific debate speaks volumes. You said “lack of proof does not equal disproof.” By that standard, you should also believe in miracles. For the record, I’m 80% certain that miracles don’t occur in modern times. I just presented a believe in miracles as a benchmark belief to compare the belief in intelligent aliens to.

  23. I already asked this, if global warming will end the world, how can one then become an expansive civilization ?

    Most people see aliens as being super hostile or super wise and beneficial. I personally see aliens behaving like the ones in the “Men in Black” movie, they are visiting earth simply to have a good time.

    1. Re: NotSure,

      I already asked this, if global warming will end the world, how can one then become an expansive civilization?

      You didn’t get the point: Global Warming actually causes civilizations to EXPAND, even beyond the confines of its solar system. That is what the Aliens would fear, that we become too successful.

      NASA is simply trying to warn us by becoming part of the mob of crabs that hold the rest inside the bucket…

      1. That’s a nice metaphor.

      2. You didn’t get the point: Global Warming actually causes civilizations to EXPAND, even beyond the confines of its solar system. That is what the Aliens would fear, that we become too successful.

        Ah, now I see why progressive oppose Global Warming so much.

      3. AGW expands me even w crabs

  24. Well, scientists already claim that FTL travel is impossible, I doubt we hvae anything to worry about. The only ones who would come would be one-way travelers looking to settle on a new world… either by co-habitating with the indigenous population… or by taking over. I doubt they would waste resources juts to come over here and kill us, taking hundreds of years to get here… and hundreds more to get back.

    1. Yeah. Practically speaking, being alone in our solar system and being alone in the universe are equivalent.

  25. NASA is another case of how the thug-state eventually debases everything it touches.

    1. Revenge of the Thug Nerds

  26. So apparently Paul Krugman was right. Dear God.

  27. This is beyond ridiculous. Beyond my wildest dreams of stupidity. NASA has really done it this time. If there were any doubt it was not the best way to go about space exploration, I think this clears that up.

  28. I’ve often wondered if there is some sort of inescapable law of nature that says an intelligent species will destroy its own planetary environment before it’s able to innovate its way to sustainability. But then, there’s no reason to think that it’s inevitable to have a dominant political philosophy that encourages the rapid and complete consumption of all natural resources like we have here in some parts of planet Earth.

    1. Or how about the political philosophy in a species that puts everything, living and non-living, above the welfare of its own species. Yet, they are blind to their own hypocrisy by continuing to espouse such beliefs while they yet live on.

      1. It would be convenient for the fingers-in-the-ears crowd for sustainability advocates to actually think like that. You shouldn’t take anyone seriously who puts human well-being below other concerns, whether it’s the planet, other species, or the demands of the market gods.

        Luckily the entire mission of sustainability advocates is to protect the human species. We’re decades beyond spotted owls.

        1. “Luckily the entire mission of sustainability advocates is to protect the human species.”

          It is? I thought it was to waste time and money engaging in hypocritical self-congratulation.

          1. + 10 to Contrarian P

          2. Well, many of them have come out and flatly proclaimed that their aim is to rid the world of 90% of its human inhabitants… meaning only 500 million people would be allowed to live. So, I could not care less what they have to say about fixing the planet. They should all drink Drano and rid us of their murderous plans.

            1. Is it more morally acceptable to advocate for the continued burning of fossil fuels, resulting in the warming of the planet and the eventual extinction of fossil fuel energy? Do you get a pass on the destruction those things will cause? If so, for what reason?

              It may be comforting to think of your opponents as crazed advocates of genocide, but it’s just ridiculous.

              1. Re: Sockpuppet,

                Is it more morally acceptable to advocate for the continued burning of fossil fuels, resulting in the warming of the planet and the eventual extinction of fossil fuel energy?

                The quiet genius of the sockpuppet, expecting an answer to his obviously loaded question.

                Somehow the Whiner in Chief wants to conserve fossil fuels and at the same time admonish anybody for consuming fossil fuels, thus obviating any purpose for conserving them in the first place – a clear case of congnitive dissonance (or simply stupidity.)

                Fuck off!

    2. Have we destroyed our environment and/or failed to innovate solutions? Do you know of some other intelligent species that has? -100 points from Gryffintroll.

      1. There are plenty of examples of societies of humans on earth that have died out from overtaxing their environment.

        What’s bizarre is the claim that this is somehow impossible to do.

        1. Re: Sockpuppet,

          There are plenty of examples of societies of humans on earth that have died out from overtaxing their environment.

          Like the North Korean civ, for instance… they ran out of children to eat.

        2. There are plenty of examples of societies of humans on earth that have died out from overtaxing their environment.

    3. Indeed. It is quite possible that the universe is full of intelligent life, but there is no practical technology that would allow large scale travel between star systems.

      Perhaps it is not politics, but human nature, that drives us to consume natural resources in the way we do. Lots of political philosophies have been tried and none seems to have slowed the use of resources.

      1. Re: Zeb,

        Perhaps it is not politics, but human nature, that drives us to consume natural resources in the way we do.

        No shit – it’s called economics.

        And we’re not consuming resources, we transform resources into goods that we consume – and NO, it is NOT the same thing. “Resources” can change: We no longer make boats out of long and big pieces of white oak. We no longer use whale blubber to light our homes.

        What is a resource is in the eye of the beholder.

    4. But then, there’s no reason to think that it’s inevitable to have a dominant political philosophy that encourages the rapid and complete consumption of all natural resources like we have here in some parts of planet Earth.

      History supports this point. The USSR collapsed despite it’s horrible environmental record.

  29. This does not sound terribly scientific.

    1. Like most “green” science.

      What’s sad is that plenty of us are all in favor of not wrecking the environment. We’re just being sensible, though, not batshit insane.

      1. That’s what annoys me. I am very much into not wrecking the environment and nature and all that green shit. What I am not into is over-confident scientists who seem to have forgotten what science is and stupid plans that will never work to actually make anything better, but will make people poorer and slow the advance of technology, which is the only thing that is likely to “save” the planet.

  30. “Green” aliens might object to the environmental damage humans have caused on Earth and wipe us out to save the planet.

    Well, if they’re anything like the humanity-hating Greens on Earth, that part might be true, at least.

    Then again, if they’re anything like the Greens on Earth, they’re still living in mud huts rather than exploring the galaxy.

  31. So we need to assume other beings can exceed the speed of light[prove it] and care,as their many light years away, what happens here.If their so advanced they know the earth’s climate changes all the time.Just what is the ‘perfect’ climate.Can anyone tell me?What basis in fact do they make their claim that it’s changing out of the norm of the last 4.5 billion years?

    1. So we need to assume other beings can exceed the speed of light…

      No, it could be a slow boat aka multi-generational ship taking thousands of (earth) years to travel one light year. Or it could be a sleeper ship (aliens in stasis/hibernation during transit).

      1. which means they needed to begin well before earth had amy modern industry.Judging by the closest planets found,it would be hundreds,if not thousands of years ago

    2. FTL travel is not necesarily necessary for long distance travel. If you can move at speeds arbitrarily close to the speed of light (in the earth-centered frame of reference), you can travel any distance in a short amount of time (as perceived by the traveler). The only problem is that you can’t go back home again (temporally speaking).

  32. When they get here, just make sure you don’t mention the orangutans.

  33. The authors warn that extraterrestrials may be wary of civilisations that expand very rapidly,

    Then I would think the trigger wouldn’t be climate change, it would be a manned mission to Mars.

    Oh, wait, the NASA boys didn’t call for eliminating programs beyond earth orbit? Hmm. Funny, that.

  34. Watching from afar, extraterrestrial beings might view changes in Earth’s atmosphere as symptomatic of a civilisation growing out of control ? and take drastic action to keep us from becoming a more serious threat, the researchers explain.

    Especially when interstellar distances are so puny…

    Don’t worry, the Earth will be destroyed by the Vogons to make a way for an interstellar freeway… Hey, the public notice was posted in Alha Centaury 100 years ago! Plenty of time!

    1. Maybe the researchers mistook Vogons for Vegans.

  35. Thank you for not feeding the sockpuppet today.

    1. cause my wittle puppet gots its mouth full o mex

    2. Thank you for not feeding the sockpuppet today.

      Don’t go to the Friday Funnies thread.

      1. Oh, shit. You didn’t. You didn’t! Did you? Why? WHY?

        1. I didn’t, but a lot of other people did.

      2. Or the Perry thread.

        1. Or The Morning Links.

    3. You’re an idiot and embarrassment to the cause. You don’t get to make the rules.

      1. Re: IrRegular,

        Ha ha ha!!!

  36. Gort: Klaatu barack algore

  37. The Guardian is reporting a new study that looks at various scenarios in which humanity makes contact with space aliens.

    We can send our cowboy poets to negotiate with them.

  38. Disclosure: Ron Bailey has been probed by green shoots.

    1. Alien tentacle porn?

  39. “Green” aliens might object to the environmental damage humans have caused on Earth and wipe us out to save the planet.

    “Whereas Blue aliens, who think the Green aliens are nothing moe than arrogant and self-righteous bastards may agree with us and actually engage in commerce with us, especially for furs, tiger penises and foie gras.”

  40. Aliens who get pissed about CO2 but Genocide is just fine by them. Right.

    1. Thread winna!

  41. Ancient Greeks invented gods who reflected mortal flaws, hates and lust.

    Modern Liberals invent ‘gods’ who reflect …

    1. Shiny, thoughtful gods.

  42. Best Reason article ever.

  43. Wouldn’t they target Venus long before us?

    1. A compelling riposte.

  44. Well the fuckers can try…It didnt work out to well for the Drej when Matt Damon got involved now did it?

    1. I just want to know who the hottie was who interviewed Damon about the school stuff.
      Holy moly she could get a rise out of a statue.

      1. *self-conscious blush*

  45. Has anyone investigated whether those who died as a result of AGW might come back as Gaia-saving zombies?

  46. By the way… 8 Worlds universe, by John Varley.

    Aliens show up and exterminate humans off off Earth and wipe out all remnants of our technological civilization in order to save cetaceans. It only takes a couple of weeks.

  47. This is somehow linked to the CDC’s warning of the zombie apocalypse.

  48. Good to know I can check the Death Star drive by off my list of concerns.

  49. People of Earth, we are the aliens who put the “green” in “Little Green Men.” You must adopt sustainable environmental policies, a carbon tax, a ban on aerosol spray cans, and, oh, yes, pay us annal tribute and send us your hottest women. You know, for the environment, because hot women would take more showers, or something. Anyway, the point is that we’re really itching to use our atomic laser cannon, so obey us.

    Oh, and a shrubbery.

    1. It can’t be done!

  50. Doesn’t this sound a lot like the “aliens will destroy us because our nuclear weapons are a danger to the peace of space” plot of The Amazing Three cartoon?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Amazing_3

  51. Sounds like a plan to me bro. Wow.

    http://www.total-anon.at.tc

  52. Old news. If you listen to enough “Coast to Coast A.M.,” you already know that alien civilizations have nothing better to do than travel millions of light years to tell us to be nice to each other and clean up our environment. Oh, and to probe our anuses.

    1. According to our research, that’s a sign of affection in American culture. Did I miss something?

  53. “It may not rank as the most compelling reason to curb greenhouse gases,…”

    Damn!
    Anybody see another straw around here? Looks like we’re running low.

  54. This highly speculative scenario is one of several described by a Nasa-affiliated scientist and colleagues at Pennsylvania State University … [Emphasis added.]

    Is it merely a coincidence that Penn State is home to both the loudest climate alarmists and that “Paranormal State” ghost-hunting club with the show on A&E?

  55. Sinners in the hands of an angry Martian.

  56. You should never read science fiction written by progressives. It always includes wise but wrathful space aliens threatening to destroy humanity due to its moral failings and excesses.

  57. This highly speculative scenario…

    Do ya think.

  58. So, these are the oh-so-serious super-smart scientists that I’m supposed to listen to and blindly follow back to the Fourteenth Century?

    1. Yes, bit more of the credibility hit, isn’t it?

  59. This is what they do at NASA these days?

    Don’t hold your breath waiting for them to go back to the moon, or anywhere else….

  60. “Watching from afar, extraterrestrial beings might view changes in Earth’s atmosphere as symptomatic of a civilisation growing out of control ? and take drastic action to keep us from becoming a more serious threat, the researchers explain.”

    Ummm, I thought civilization, and “The Planet”, was going to be destroyed because of out of control greenhouse warming. Didn’t the aliens get the memo?

  61. The report did not come from NASA and the author of the report does not work at NASA.

  62. All this assumes that space aliens are just as interested in sticking their nose in other peoples business as our various bureaucracies. Vogons will show up first I suppose.

    1. Yep, the aliens described are weird and futuristic, like a creature with the body of a crab and the head of a social worker.

      So long, and thanks for all the fish!

  63. Holy shit this is moronic.

    Also, I like the presumption that this alien race could just automatically wipe us out of existence. If they are concerned that we are going to wipe out other people why would they make their presence felt? I would imagine they would be a little wary that we might waste them too.

  64. We find that your human concept of a “state” to be dangerous, violent, and aggressively expansionist. We will be forced to eradicate your species in self-defense unless you adopt anarchy. We may tolerate minarchies if your species cannot successfully rid itself of states altogether.

  65. So this is what nasa has been reduced to? The logic in this whole thing is flawed. A peoples (ET or otherwise) who believe in saving an entire planet from ignorant abuse is not going to commit genocide. If anything they would destroy our military weapons and force us into negotiations. If space aliens were concerned about the planet, they would’ve been here by now. I would also like to add that if someone, who had the power to traverse millions or even billions of light-years, would have absolutely no difficulties in wiping us all out near instantaneously (I doubt we would even see it coming). Honestly this whole thing is completely absurd and nasa should engage itself with real scientific research.

  66. The movie “Apollo 18” is coming out soon. The studio wants to create some buzz about aliens. Looks like it worked.

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