Terrorism

Al Qaeda's Amazing Killer Tractor

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ProPublica reports:

Bin Laden was bent on inflicting mass-casualty attacks on the West, the U.S. official said. At the same time, however, he criticized an online propaganda magazine edited by a young American in Yemen, saying the bloodthirsty tone of an article could harm al Qaeda's image among Muslims, according to the U.S. counterterror official.

The magazine, called Inspire, "apparently discussed using a tractor or farm vehicle in an attack outfitted with blades or swords as a fearsome killing machine," the official said. "Bin Laden said this is something he did not endorse. He seems taken aback. He complains that this tactical proposal promotes indiscriminate slaughter. He says he rejects this and it is not something that reflects what al Qaeda does."

In other news, Wernher von Braun would like to make it known that he would never ever build a killdozer.

[Via Mother Jones.]

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  1. Tractor pull, you mean, right?

    1. That’s the real terror: that people are saving money by shopping at Walmart and THEN using that saved money to attend TEK TRAKTOR PULZ. They should be buying carbon credits or toddler helmets or some other such nanny state approved gear.

      1. The terrorists purchased their box-cutters at Wal-Mart. How much more inside job can you get!?

        Teacher says that every time you save money on cheapchinesecrap, a terrorist gets his tractor pulled.

        1. gets his tractor pulled.

          Sign me up!

          1. Between bin Laden’s 1st interview after 9/11 and this blog post, I’m starting to think OBL is just a big softy.

  2. If they want a better plot, they should just flood local police departments with free tasers. This might keep those unruly tractor pull crowds in line too.

  3. The magazine, called Inspire, “apparently discussed using a tractor or farm vehicle in an attack outfitted with blades or swords as a fearsome killing machine,” the official said. “Bin Laden said this is something he did not endorse. He seems taken aback. He complains that this tactical proposal promotes indiscriminate slaughter. He says he rejects this and it is not something that reflects what al Qaeda does.”

    Uh-huh.

    Killing 3,000 people by ramming a plane into a building is not “indiscriminate slaughter” but hacking them with swords is?

    Was this guy sampling the Taliban opium product?

    1. The plane thing was discriminate slaughter, Aresen. Only American infidels would be in those temples to Mammon!

      1. In any case, if there is a hell, I hope OBL is there right now.

        Being forced to watch Justin Bieber videos.

        Forever.

    2. He saw it in Caligula and didn’t want Guccione to think he was ripping him off.

      1. He was also considering shoving his ringed fist up the Statue of Liberty’s ass, but again the fear of a lawsuit by Guiccione made him reconsider.

        1. Who wouldn’t want to sample some of that opium product?

          Just a little reminder, OBL denied having any involvement with 9 / 11 and the US gobmint could not get an indictment of OBL for the same.

          1. Not disagreeing with you. But I just watched a clip on the news with him discussing the attack and how he was the only one who believed that the entires would collapse, jet fuel etc……he then denied involvement?

            Can you elaborate?

            1. entire building, ie. both of the towers.

              1. Don’t forget about WTC Building 7.

            2. Your order is mixed up. He denied involvement in the 2 interviews he did immediately after 9/11 (here is the first). In the 2nd interview with Al Jazeera (can’t find the link), he claimed his fatwas might have incited the attackers but he was not responsible for them nor did he have any knowledge about the attacks or who planned them. There was a tape that was supposedly found in Afghanistan that some (US gov’t, US media) claimed was bin Laden admitting involvement in the attacks but the US government never attempted to authenticate the video. Foreign governments and media that did try to authenticate it found that the translation provided was so wrong as to be manipulative and that there were serious doubts as to if it was even bin Laden in the tape. If the feds thought the “confession” was authentic, why would they maintain the reason they never indicted him for the attacks was because they had no hard evidence connecting him to the attacks? Wouldn’t a confession be enough to indict?

  4. Killdozer was actually pretty entertaining.

    1. Ted Sturgeon, who wrote the story it was adapted from was one of the most meteoric and inconsistent Sci-Fi authors of the Golden Age. He wrote some great stuff and a lot of crap. “Slow Sculpture” may be one of the best libertarian love stories of all time.

  5. I have no idea what was going on in my life that I missed that story about Marvin Heemeyer and his killdozer. Whoa.

    1. Same here. How did I miss that?

  6. So this guy saw Caligula, eh?

  7. “When I’m done with you, they’ll have to do a compost-mortem!”

  8. Wow, pretty amazing indeed. Who would have thunk it??

    http://www.anon-web.es.tc

    1. Thank you. I was gonna be pissed if there wasn’t a link to a Killdozer song in this thread.

      Good song choice, too. “Turkey Shoot” would have been better, but it’s not on YouTube.

      1. Thank you. I was gonna be pissed if there wasn’t a link to a Killdozer song in this thread.

        Agreed, but my preference is Hamburger Martyr.

  9. Scythed chariot by da Vinci:
    http://upload.wikimedia.org/wi….._Vinci.jpg

    1. The Maestro might want to put blinders on those horses – I don’t think they’d much care for a number of swirling blades a few inches from their noses. Horses are funny that way.

  10. It sort of reminds me of the initial reaction of Jesse Walker et al to revelations about Ron Paul’s racist, homophobic newsletters. They seem to have gotten over it. I imagine Bin Laden would have gotten over his revulsion at the killer tractor,too, had he lived. Maybe he does still live. Let’s check with the John Birch Society.

    1. ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF Pual ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF Birchers ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF racist ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF newsletters ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF

    2. Osama had to be put down, as Obama never forgave him for defeating the Soviets he still secretly serves.

    3. max, shouldn’t there be an “r” in your name?

  11. a tractor or farm vehicle in an attack outfitted with blades or swords

    In response, Chuck Schumer (Moobs-NY) has proposed a bill requiring DHS to produce a no-mow list which would prevent suspected terrorists from buying or using riding lawnmowers.

    1. Liked that

    2. They’ll have to pry my cold, dead ass off my John Deere, damn it.

  12. The magazine, called Inspire, “apparently discussed using a tractor or farm vehicle in an attack outfitted with blades or swords as a fearsome killing machine,” the official said.”

    I hate to blame violent ideation on cartoons, but it kinda does sound like somebody’s been watching too much “Superjail!”.

  13. See, what I see here is an opportunity. Al Qaeda clearly fears the killer bulldozer, for whatever reason. To them, it’s beyond the pale.

    Naturally, this means that we need to build 10,000 killer drone bulldozers and unleash them against terror cells around the world. We can do it. We have the technology.

    1. I feel like this one is more up Israel’s alley.

      1. It is defintely up Isreal’s alley.

    2. Given Military procurement practices, they’d probably come in at $200 million per dozer.

      I’m sure Caterpillar would be willing to bid on the contract.

      1. $200 million? Well, yes, for the nonstealth versions, I suppose.

        1. How long would it take to realize that you had been buried by a stealth bulldozer?

  14. hey should be buying carbon credits or toddler helmets or some other such nanny state approved gear.

  15. Xenophon in the Anabasis relates that the Persians used chariots with scythes on their wheels. When they charged into the Greek lines, the greeks just stepped aside.

    1. It’s a truly atavistic fear.

  16. The magazine, called Inspire, “apparently discussed using a tractor or farm vehicle in an attack outfitted with blades or swords as a fearsome killing machine,”

    Wait, really? This is worse than slow zombies.

    Quick honey, walk away briskly, an old geezer with a straw hat is coming towards us rather slowly with some sort of farm implement with sharp blades on it! It’s a fearsome killing machine!!

    Is Al Qaeda really this dumb? Maybe Bin Laden wasn’t so horrified at the brutality of the “weapon”, but the sheer stupidity of the suggestion. He had a reputation, you know.

  17. This killing tractor bot kind of device was central in 2 great series books by Daniel Suarez. Book 1 is called Daemon and book 2 is called Freedom. They are a really great read.

  18. Michael Scheuer has been saying for a while that the next generation of Al Qaeda leaders are going to make bin Laden seem tolerant and mild by comparison. He might have a point

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