Reason Morning Links: Nuclear Crisis Worsens in Japan, White House Wants Air Strikes in Libya, Americans Live Longer Than Ever


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    1. You are incorrigible.

      1. In case you [missed] it yesterday:

        Sex and the City – Parody [starring] Bea Arthur

        1. I wouldn’t fuck Sarah Jessica Parker with Bea Arthur’s dick.

          1. Watch this and reconsider.

            1. Watch this and re-reconsider.

              1. The first video did not make me reconsider. She looks like a dude. The second video confirmed that horses are prettier than SJP.

                1. She actually wasn’t half bad before the nose job.

    2. Didn’t that show make an entire generation of men gay or something?

      1. That’s what capitol l keeps telling me.

        1. You damn kids and your Golden Girls and your torsos get off my damn lawn!

          *shakes fist*

    3. “One of the great ideas of Western civilization,” philosopher Ross Douthat recently wrote, “is the celebration of lifelong heterosexual monogamy as a unique and indispensable estate.”

      Ross Dothat is a “philosopher?

      1. Is that pronounced Do That or Dot Hat? For some reason I need to know this.

        1. According to Wikipedia, it’s pronounced /?da???t/.

          Hope that helps.

          1. Thanks. I like Dot Hat better though.

            1. I doubtit.

              1. Beats Singltit

    4. Awesome! I miss masturbating to that show.

      1. Me, too!

    1. Education Department officials are threatening school principals with lawsuits if they fail to monitor and curb students’ lunchtime chat and evening Facebook time

      With all due respect, isn’t that *bullying*?

    2. At least they’re admitting that mind control, not education, is the goal.

    3. What the fuck? When was it decided that schools should be in charge of kids when they are not in school?
      And what ever happened to “sticks and stones…” or teaching kids to stand up for themselves?

      1. Back in the day, schools acted in loco parentis. Progs believe that parents act in loco res publica. However, most parents disagree at an instinctive level, and when the issue is forced, shit might get ugly.

        1. But now schools seem to think that they can act in loco parentis all the time.

          If there is going to be a law about this sort of thing, it should forbid school officials from spying on kids’ non-school activities.

          I think schooling is important, but it is absolutely disgusting when schools decide that they should be the primary guiding force in a child’s development. Fuck that. If we are going to have public schools, they should teach kids stuff and that’s it. Why the fuck should they be organizing sports and activities and worrying about who is mean to whom outside of school?

    4. Dude…I couldnt even get past the first page of the FB education article…no joke, I just made an additional contribution to my daughter’s 529.

      YO, Fuck a facyspace!

    1. It sure is great to see the union people stay classy.


    Liberal writes reasonable collumn in Huffington Post saying the media shouldn’t be ignoring death threats against Republicans in Wisconsin. Hillarity ensues in the comments section.

    1. Were you expecting coherent thoughts from Huffing posters?

    2. If Politician?s of ALL stripes listened to The People they would receive fewer threats. It seems that most of them no longer represent US.

      THE MAJORITY OF US agree on nearly every issue-it is that small MINORITY AT THE TOP that continuous?ly pesters us with THEIR agenda.

    3. If Politician?s of ALL stripes listened to The People they would receive fewer threats. It seems that most of them no longer represent US.

      THE MAJORITY OF US agree on nearly every issue-it is that small MINORITY AT THE TOP that continuous?ly pesters us with THEIR agenda.

      1. YES, I need to say it TWICE. You are just that far out of touch.

        1. Needs [brackets].

          1. and bolding


            1. It’s St. Patrick’s Day. We need a new game today.

              1. Looks like I picked the wrong week to give up sniffin’ airplane glue…

            2. Why not?

      2. THE MAJORITY OF US agree on nearly every issue

        So you’re down with eliminating the Dept of Education? Cool.

    1. I actually used to have that on VHS. It also contained an amazing McDonalds ad featuring a chorus of retards employed by McDonalds singing “love lifted me”. I’m not sure which was more awesome, that or Mr. T’s “Be somebody or be somebody’s fool”.


    Obama’s planned copyright horror show.

    1. this is a big POS move here – a tack on to the Patriot act too. Funny how laws always start expanding beyond their scope.

    2. But John, the US prison population just isn’t large enough. More felonies are desperately needed!

  3. White House urges the UN to approve air strikes on Libya.

    How’s that Nobel Peace Prize working out?

    1. Too bad the UN doesn’t have any air and anti-air assets to make any approval a reality.

      1. Slap a blue helmet on your military’s combat aviator and pow, the United Nation’s got a pilot.

    2. Pretty well, I’d say.

    3. I heard they are going to give Obama the Nobel for Science, in anticipation of him figuring out how to stop the nuke crisis in Japan.

      1. …AND for making the oceans recede. Let’s not forget that.

    4. Ah, so the plan all along was to bomb the rebels’ freshly slaughtered corpses. Obama’s timing on this situation makes a lot more sense now.

  4. [Hillary Clinton noted] that Arab nations were asking the UN security council to take action “against one of their own”.


    1. Meanwhile Saudi Arabia is occupying Bahrain.

      1. It’s not occupation if they’re there at the government’s request.

    2. Brown on brown crime?


    The Kochs give all of 15 million dollars a year to political causes. Yet, somehow they are the unseen force behind all that is evil in the world. Man do those guys get their money’s worth or what?

    1. Only half of the evil in the world. The other half is masterminded by George Soros.

  6. I say we all revolt until they agree to stop putting video in the Morning Links! Who’s with me?

    1. “The H&R [commentators] are revolting.”

      1. Worst meme ever. GO the fuck away with your cereal and partyin’.

        1. Whatever. I’m off to the bank again!

        2. Still better than Ke$ha.

          1. That’$ my baby girl!

        3. Is that supposed to be some parody of vapid teen pop stars? Hopefully, that will be the dumbest thing I see all day.

          1. Lawnmower Rebecca is in your head now!

    2. I have Flash turned off by default.


    Two douchebags get indicted for running false flag Tea Party candidate in the 2010 elections. Of all the dumb ass things to end up in prison for, that has to take the cake.

    1. obviously, they are Tea Party plants… they are tea party members faking being Democrat leaders faking being Tea Party candidates.

      1. But what if they are Democrats faking being tea party members faking being Democrat leaders faking being Tea Party candidates.

        1. It’s turtles all the way down!

    2. Would have been funny is some of those fake people won without even trying because the Dems were that bad in 2010.

      1. It’s not going to be funny when Obama wins in 2012 because the Republicans run Newt, Sarah, Mitt, Trump and McCain.

        1. Unfortunately, I wouldn’t put it past the Stupid Party to nominate some idiot even Obama can beat.

        2. Wait a second… what if Newt, Sarah, Mitt, Trump, and McCain are all Democratic plants?

  8. He’s following in his grandfather’s footsteps….

    Newhall Memorial names Dr. Richard S. Frankenstein as interim chief medical officer
    …The new CMO’s name is Dr. Richard S. Frankenstein, pronounced Franken-STEEN ? unlike the monster-building doctor in Mary Shelley’s classic story….

    1. This is one of my pet peeves. When the general pronunciation is FrankenSTEIN (like Mary Shelley’s doctor) then don’t try to tell me your name is somehow different.

      It’s like Joe Dirt prounouncing his name “Dirt?” or Harry Balls pronouncing his name “Bales”.

      Nigga, please

      1. Nicolas Cage had the final word on this topic, didn’t he?

        1. But not the first.

    2. …pronounced Franken-STEEN…

      No link?

      1. I feel like playing darts all of a sudden.

    3. Hey! [I] posted this yester[day] in the morning links.

      [shakes fist]

      1. Radley posted it on theagitator the other day.

  9. Obama urges UN airstrikes on final four



    The President ups offer to high schools who let him speak at their commencements.

    1. Great. Now Obama can join me in my (nearly) annual March ritual of banging my head on the coffee table. Rock Chalk Jayhawk.

      1. ^^Just pretend this is in reply to Tim.

      2. *waves middle finger wheat*
        suuuuck cock
        Fuuuuuuuuck youuuuuuu
        *wave middle finger again*

  11. Man freed after 20 years of wrongful imprisonment… (from yesterday) surprised this wasn’t in the links!

  12. Everybody knows that “UN airstikes” mean the US Navy and Air Force. Oh, sure the French and the Brits will circle around the warzone in one of their broke dick jets, but its going to be us fighting.

    1. Pretty much.

      1. So we can get terrorized by Gadaffi sleeper cells?

    2. I know you are right I would just like for once someoen else to do the heavy lifting. Given that France and Italy are, you know, in the freakin’ neighborhood, shouldn’t they be leading this crusade?

      1. So now you want to take away the defining purpose of American mothers? To raise cannon fodder for the World Police.

        1. And after it starts the fucking UN will be the first to bitch about civillian casualties.

    3. It *could* mean nuking Tripoli from orbit.

      1. Unpossible. We have no nuclear assets in orbit, because we signed treaties saying we wouldn’t do that. And we all know the US is scrupulous about our treaty obligations…

    4. I would like the see the French go after the Qads with some old Mirages. It’d be like vintage ware at the air show. Even matchup.

  13. >>(Hillary Clinton) made clear that she’d rather be a grandmother than be president.

    Uh, right. That venal bitch would boil alive and eat her grandchildren if it would make her president.

    1. I wasn’t aware that you had to make a choice.

      Isn’t whether she’s a grandmother or not pretty much up to Chelsea, at this point? I don’t think Hillary! has to do much of anything.

      1. The smartest woman in the country is not above tossing out the odd non sequitur now and then, it would appear.

        1. Hillary Clinton also tosses out non-sequiturs now and then.

      2. Andrew Sullivan will be on this story!

        1. What, he’s going to obsess that Chelsea’s kid is really Hillary’s for two years?

          For a gay dude, he sure worries about cooter a lot.

      3. I had rather be right than President

        1. Yeah, no one wants rather to be president! C’mon!

      4. Then who is going to stick their finger up Marc’s ass so that he can make the necessary “deposit”? Hillary has a difficult role indeed.

    2. It’s just her way of pressuring Chelsea.

      Hillary has Jewish roots, after all.

    3. I have (female, obviously) friends who insist Hillary Clinton is a brilliant woman, and miles ahead of Sarah Palin.

      While I don’t think Sarah Palin is the brightest CFL in the fixture, I also didn’t argue that point. I said that most people like Sarah Palin because she is attractive for a woman her age.

      This is where the conversation got weird. My friends responded that Hillary was FAR more attractive than Sarah Palin, and loads smarter to boot! They would not give up an inch on saying that she really wasn’t as smart as they wanted her to be.

      I guess the brainwashing was completed despite her losing the Democratic nomination to Obama.

      1. if stuck with a choice between Palin and Clinton, my penis says Palin. Neither one would make for stimulating conversation though.

      2. If you argue that Hillary is more attractive than Palin you are certainly brainwashed. Similarly is you argue that Palin is in any way as intelligent and craven as Hillary. That said, I would never vote for, or stick my dick in either of them.

        1. I never made the argument that Palin was brilliant or even smart. I stated that men like her because she is attractive.

          And thusly, both girls were mortified and insisted Hillary is far more attractive than Sarah, proving that women really have no idea how a man’s mind works.

        2. Keep in mind that they are from the same herd that said they found Clinton and Gore to be “sexy.” Never mind that if Bubba and Al weren’t who they are and hit on these chickies in a bar, they’d be Faceyspacing the next day about how these “creepy old guys were hitting on us. EWWWWW!!!1!1!”

      3. Hillary was actually pretty decent back in 1992.

        1. You’re a sick man.

        2. You misspelled “1966”.

          This was your “pretty decent” in 1992.

  14. I’m curious – if you were President, and you wanted Gaddafi to win out and stay in power, what would you do differently than this administration?

    (1) Bog down any and all efforts to aid the rebels in the UN – check.

    (2) Support an arms embargo on Libya to prevent the rebels from getting mo betta guns – check (I think).

    (3) Make weak-ass denunciations of Gaddafi to bolster his street cred in anti-American circles, and allow him to say the rebels are foreign puppets – check.

    1. I’d play a lot more golf.

      1. There’s NCAA basketball that needs watching.

  15. New NFL rules define a QB in the act of throwing as a defenseless player. I am so sick and tired of this player safety bullshit. If the league were serious about concussions, they would mandate all players use helmets like what Mark Kelso wore that are proven to reduce concussions. What they are really trying to achieve is to make the NFL into a 7 on 7 drill where QBs routinely put up 500 yards because to the NFL, teams like the 1999 Rams are the ideal. Go fuck yourself if you like to see great defense. If this is the way the sport is going, please, don’t come back from the lockout.

    1. I normally keep my sports opinions off of reason, but yeah, this yearly pussification of the QB position is BS.

    2. Fuggem. No concussions, no glory.

    3. I blame Peyton Manning.

      When he lost the 2004 AFC Championship Game when the Patriots’ DBs played tight defence, the first thing he did was cry to the competition committee (which has a reperesentative from the Colts on it), which duly changed the rules.

      Last season, they changed the rules about where the umpire stands after setting the ball so that the umpire would be safer. In a pre-season game against the Packers, Manning got a couple of false start penalties because he tried to run the offense faster than any human could reasonably get out of the way. Again, Manning whined to the competition committee, which duly adjusted the rule. Apparently, Manning cares more about running his offense than he does about the officials’ safety.

      1. Apparently, Manning cares more about running his offense than he does about the officials’ safety.

        Well, so do I, and I’m not even a Peyton Manning fan.

      2. Unlike most Massholes and other New Englanders, I can appreciate Peyton Manning’s greatness.

        As for the 2003 AFC championship game of which you speak (played on January 18, 2004), the Patriots got away with holding, clutching and beating up the Colts receiving corps. IOW, the Pats cheated and got away with it. What transpired in the off-season was that the Colts insisted upon the then existing rules being enforced-THE RULES DID NOT CHANGE!

        The wussies are the folks that want to see more of Jack Tatum / Brandon Merriweather type of “hits” and guys wearing just their shortsleeve jersies in Ice Bowl conditions.

        Being tough is rejecting male / adolescent driven culture. The same principle applies to men who join state sponsored military or paramilitary organizations-its an act of cowardice.

        1. Being tough is rejecting male / adolescent driven culture. The same principle applies to men who join state sponsored military or paramilitary organizations-its an act of cowardice.

          WTF? I suppose it could be under some circumstances but always? Give me a break. And the NFL is the epitome of teh male adolescent driven culture. You clearly have never spent much time on a football field or in a locker room. The whole fucking sport is about false bravado.

          1. False bravado is not a good trait, is it?

            John, like a lot of other American kids, I played baseball, football, basketball and golf. I played little league / pop warner / Babe Ruth / American Legion / high school football, basball and golf ( I was the alternate on a team that got trounced by Brad Faxon’s high school). I also played club football in college as well as golf. Give me some credit for having some basis upon which to rant. From the time I was a kid, I did not like the false bravado / run with the pack and the anti-intellectualism which too often is prevalent in sports culture.

            Also, as I first told you several years ago, don’t take my broad statements to mean that I personally dislike every guy who ever wore a uniform. For example, I like you and think that you are a very intelligent, down to earth guy. I think I also told you that one of my very best friends is a retired Air Force colonel who has gradually become a libertarian.

        2. Being tough is rejecting male / adolescent driven culture.

          Is this the same gay line of thinking that says, “Real men shed tears” or some other bullshit? Whatever happened to “real men work outdoors”.

          I would much prefer a return to Brawny-Man stereotype.

          1. Real men have a vagina. Duh.

            1. That’s right, sorry. I forgot the Jezebel (read: the correct) take on men.

            2. Waiting at home for them with a beer and a steak.

        3. I’m not a “Masshole”. I’m a Packer fan.

        4. Patriots? Cheating? Surely you jest.

      3. I see your argument about Manning and raise you a Golden [shower] Boy Brett Favre. I remember years ago a game where Brett Favre was getting sacked, and a penalty was called: “Landing on the quarterback with the full weight of the defender’s body”

        Because of the ongoing (until last year) Ironman record, Brett Favre has as much to do with the pussification of the NFL as Manning’s inefficiency-turned-complaints and Tom Brady’s “tuck rule”.

        I agree with the original poster; while I love me some professional football, I would be more than content to start watching English Premiere League in its place if this is the NFL that comes back.

        1. Yeah because the EPL doesn’t have a problem with flopping or anyting.

          1. Good point, although it was more a commentary on if they’re going to bring it down to the contact-level of soccer, I’d rather just watch soccer.

            Because when they continue straining the rules in NFL it just emphasizes more and more how much the play is broken up by penalties and commercial breaks.

          2. It’s why Cristiano Ronaldo is my most hated professional athlete in the world and I care much less about soccer than football, hockey, or baseball. I hate really really really talented asshole crybabies.

        2. start watching English Premiere League

          Sir, I say sir, you go too far!

        3. I’m thinking rugby or Aussie rules if I can get it on TV in the states. We also still have hockey. Go Pens.

        4. It’s only been “pussified” for a few skill positions (QB and WR).

          I was listening to a radio show with Lamar Woodley and James Harrison during last season and they made a few good points about this. Woodley mentioned that several times during the game against the Browns, he was stuck in a block when the ballcarrier (Peyton Hillis) plowed into him helmet-first. He was wondering why they don’t consider linemen and defensive players to be “defenseless” in those situations if they’re really just trying to prevent injuries in general (as opposed to injuries to QB/WR).

    4. On the other hand, you could take most of the pads off, and go back to the leather helmet so players aren’t encouraged to think they’re invincible and that nothing at all could possibly go wrong if they spear the ballcarrier.

      1. ^^This^^

        That is the kind of counter intuitive thinking no one in positions of authority ever engages in. If you reduced the padding, you would reduce the hitting. I think it was a safer sport in the 1950s even though it was every bit as violent in its own way. You could also go back to making people play 60 minutes. Put an end to fat guys who play 20 plays a game.

      2. ^^what Timon19 said^^

        Raise your hand if 90% of the football you played as a ute was without pads/helmet, and therefore you learned how to tackle properly so you didn’t break your FUCKING NECK?

        Thought so…

        1. Raise your hand if 90% of the football you played as a ute was without pads/helmet

          Played as a WHAT, Mr. Almanian?

          1. “….a YOOT, yer honor…”

            1. You talkin’ ’bout me?

    5. If football gets any more pussified, I’ll be able to fulfill my dream of playing qb.

    6. Even better, the quarterback is also considered to be a “defenseless player” during an interception or fumble return, regardless of what he’s actually physically doing. So, it would be possible for a “defenseless player” to make the tackle.

    7. After an interception is is thrown , if a QB is considered “a defenseless player”, then he shouldn’t be allowed to do any tackling.

      1. Also, Offensive pass interference should result in an interception, but who am I kiddin.

  16. Hillary Clinton says she’ll step down if Obama is reelected.

    Will she finally Just. Fucking. Go. Away?

    1. [Hillary] has said that once she leaves the Obama administration she would like to focus her work on women and girls, something she has remained passionate about

      I understand, Dear.

      1. she would like to focus her work on women and girls, something she has remained passionate about

        Ah, just like Bill.

      2. I understand, Dear.

    2. No kidding. Good riddance Hillary. You’re this ultra-feminist, but all you’ve ever done your entire life is ride your ersatz husband’s coattails to power. And even your own party rejected you for a nonentity that nobody had ever heard of.

      I don’t blame you for being pissed that you’re nothing but a meaningless figurehead who Obama doesn’t even listen to, but just go away forever.

    3. 50-50 Obama doesn’t even run in 2012, and Hillary does. I’ve been calling it since autumn 2009 and it’s getting truer every day. Notice the careful wording of Hillary’s statement.

  17. Houston Astros fan finds himself on the hook for $920 tax bill for “free” donuts.

    1. Mind if I dunk?

    2. Never ignore a 1099 form.

    3. It’s this kind of shit that makes me respect Wesley Snipes so much more (not necessarily as an actor)

    1. I love my N64. I still play my N64 while the ps3 gathers dust. I can still remember when I opened it on Christmas and OMG NINTENTO SIXTY FOUR!!!!!1!!!one!

    2. “Four controller ports so you can RAPE your friends!”

      Where does STEVE SMITH stand on the use of this controller?



        1. [NERDS!]


          2. EXCELLENT use of [brackets] and bolding, butterflower!

            I like the cut of your jib…

  18. New NFL rules define a QB in the act of throwing as a defenseless player.

    As Jack Lambert said, “Just put a fucking dress on ’em.”

    1. I propose that the “defenseless player” rule be implemented by mandating that quarterbacks wear a pink jersey.

      If you don’t want to get plastered while throwing, then don’t fucking throw. You’ve got running backs – use ’em.

      With this rule, we will be treated to the spectacle of a quarterback surrounded by defensive players, standing there with his arm in the air making little pump fakes until the secondary finally breaks down and someone is open.

      1. Yup. Any quaterback who doesn’t do this and actually brings the ball down is a fucking idiot. So much for sacks.

  19. In college, I put a couple of shots on quarterbacks from the blind side which, today, would probably get me banned from the NFL for life (if not removed from the field in handcuffs and charged with attempted murder).

    If you don’t want to get whacked, stay off the field, Nancy.

    1. Man, I still remember a blindside after high school my buddy Don laid on me in a pickup game…I flew through the air like a spitwad and landed about 5 yards away.

      AWESOME hit!

      Yeah, no pads, no helmets…I think that was the game I broke my right thumb…good times 🙂

  20. “Harassing conduct may take many forms, including verbal acts and name-calling; graphic and written statements, which may include use of cell phones or the Internet? it does not have to include intent to harm, be directed at a specific target, or involve repeated incidents [but] creates a hostile environment ? [which can] limit a student’s ability to participate in or benefit from the services, activities, or opportunities offered by a school,” according to the far-reaching letter, which was completed Oct. 26 by Russlynn Ali, who heads the agency’s civil rights office.

    She forgot the Most Evilest Thing of All: teh Male GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZE!

    1. You don’tlike male gays? I’m reporting you for bullying.

  21. This is for Tony – I suspect he might have ghost written it……..a-day.html

  22. If you argue that Hillary is more attractive than Palin you are certainly brainwashed. Similarly is you argue that Palin is in any way as intelligent and craven as Hillary.

    I’d bet their measurable intelligence is so similar you can’t rank it, and if I were wasted enough to be trying to get with an old lady, and they were the only two around for me to choose from, I’d hit on Hillary first. DAT ASS

    Palin’s sex appeal totally eludes me. (I like the glasses, but they don’t look right on her face.) Maybe that’s why I think she seems pretty cool, for a politician. There’s no confusing hot-mom interference field there to elicit the kind of ape-brain fuck/kill reaction she gets from almost everybody, so I look at what she actually seems to be all about, and figure that’s the best we can do.
    Plus, as a non-non-violent anarchist by temperament, I think it’d be healthy for us to have a president half the country hates so intensely it destroys their minds.

    1. You scare me sometimes.

      1. Are those her legs, or a pair of playful manatees nipping at her buttocks?

  23. Hillary Clinton says she’ll step down if Obama is reelected.

    I can’t imagine a more effective Obama campaign slogan.

    1. Hillary Clinton says monkeys will fly out her ass she’ll step down if Obama is reelected.

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