The Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee Needs Your Help in Picking a Shitty New Slogan

The DSCC needs your help in designing its "next car magnet." They want you to choose among the following slogans that contributors will show off on their vehicles before they drive off of bridges out of sheer embarrassment:

• We've Got Your Back, Barack
• Had Enough Tea? Repeal Republicans in 2012!
• GOP: Not My Cup of Tea
• No Tea For Me, Thanks. I Prefer Progress.
• GOPuleeeeez

More here.

Based on the quality of the choices alone, I'm predicting the Democrats will lose every seat in the Senate in 2012.

Go here to can buy a "I Am The Firewall" tote bag. Which would be cool if it had a burning Buddhist monk on it (it does not).

Comments

[Brett L]

"We're sorry about Harry Reid"

[prolefeed]

"Vote Democratic, because our Mormon a-hole is sometimes marginally better than your Mormon a-hole"

[Southerner]

"The Democratic Party: we're not openly lying to you this time (as far as you know)."

[sloopyinca]

"We swear. They're worse than us!"

[Warty]

Right here.

[Aresen]

"You Won't Hate Us as Much as You Did Last Time"

(Perhaps a little long.)

[Joshua Corning]

hey don't knock it, it worked for Republicans in 2010.

[silent v]

I can't believe we're losing to these guys

[Bee Tagger]

"No Tailgating"

That way, if you become a Republican you won't have to change your bumper sticker.

[?]

If You Were In A Train, I'd Be In Leesburg By Now

[GoNavy]

I like that one.

[Tanner Boyle]

"a buncha Jews, spics, niggers, pansies and a booger-eatin' moron."

(It is from a PG movie, so it should meet the new civility standards.

[sloopyinca]

If Hillary runs against Obama, they can go with the line from later in the movie:

"Jews, spics, niggers...and now a girl!"

[sloopyinca]

"a buncha Jews, spics, niggers, pansies and a booger-eatin' moron."

Sorry, forgot the link.

[Nipplemancer]

if they're going full on stupid, so shall i.
'all your vote are belong to us'
and
'TEAM BLUE!1!!!!1oNE!!eLEVENTY!'

[sloopyinca]

I don't know about the upcoming election, but I think we should all send them stickers they can put on their cars in January, 2013:

"Dey tuk er jerbs!!!"

[sage]

"Feed us a Fetus"

[wingnutx]

Aargh, Fuck, Kill

[Invisible Finger]

"I'm not showing up for work, too!"

[Vermont Gun Owner]

Damn, you beat me to it. I was going to propose "We skip work so you don't have to", but I can't post from my Blackberry.

[PBS]

Visualize Whirled Peas

[Democrat]

I'm With Stupid

[GSL]

"Bush Lied!"

But seriously, the Democrats are supposed to be the young, hip party. Are the youth of America so hopelessly lame that they're actually inspired by this crap?

[Youth of America]

Duh..............well yeaaaaaah.

[Invisible Finger]

Here's the new slogan (since they don't show up to their jobs anymore):

TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION

[sloopyinca]

WIN!

[Middle Class Colon]

No Talent Ass Clowns

[GILMORE]

Go here to can buy..

Mr. Sparkle: [in Japanese; subtitled] "I'm disrespectful to dirt. Can you see that I am serious?"

Mr. Sparkle: [having no arms or legs, Mr. Sparkle scrubs the dishes clean by rubbing up and down with his head. The housewife is delighted with her clean dinnerware. Mr. Sparkle flies into the next room, where a baby is playing with a toy xylophone. He amuses the child by bouncing on a few keys, and then flies off. In the next scene, he appears deep beneath the ocean, where a trio of dancing women hang out, where else?, on the sea floor]

"Out of my way, all of you. This is no place for loafers! Join me or die! Can you do any less?"

Dancing Woman #2, Dancing Woman #3, Dancing Woman #1: "What a brave corporate logo! I accept the challenge of Mr. Sparkle."

Dancing Woman #3: "Awesome power!"

[an inset box appears in the upper left corner of the screen, showing a windup monkey toy banging a drum. Mr. Sparkle demonstrates his awesome power by blowing up a strong wind of heart-shaped symbols. The wind transforms the dancing women into giggling Sumo wrestlers. I am not convinced this is an improvement. Mr. Sparkle then proceeds to fly over a cow pasture. A reporter is interviewing a two-headed cow]

Reporter in Commercial: "What are your plans for summer vacation?"

Mr. Sparkle: [the cow spots Mr. Sparkle floating overhead, and is so surprised she shatters. Her four eyes hover in mid-air for a second, then fall to the ground and blink. Cut to a screen where Japanese slogans spiral to a vanishing point at the center of the screen. Mr. Sparkle appears at the center and heads toward the camera, rotating in the opposite direction]

""For lucky best wash, use Mr. Sparkle!!""

=====================================

That said, trying to think about Democratic party (any party!) bumpersticker slogans is making me very nauseous.

It should be noted that the Ron Paul "Revolution" (with the @*(#$ backwards LOVE) slogan was just about as Gayzorz to Teh Maxx as anything in bumpersticker history.

My personal favorite bumpersticker, which I saw once and have never seen again, was "Stop Plate Tectonics".

Which I suppose is germane to the earthquake in Japan. Hmmm. Sales ideas brewing... quick, someone find me a translator!...

[Ska]

Whatever you say, Fish Bulb.

[Forbes]

I thought Nancy Pelosi's "A New Direction" (A Nude Erection) was one for the ages.

[Scott66]

We're Kochless!

[or]

Koch Free!

[Entitled Slacker]

Don't be a Kochsucker

[Jeffersonian]

A Buncha Koch-blockers

[Vermont Gun Owner]

That's a good one.

[Michael Ejercito]

"We can be just as bad as the Republicans"

[Obama 2012]

Not as bad as Stalin!

[Jeffersonian]

TBD

[Tony]

That this is the best they can come up with tells me a lot about why Dems suck at this.

[Fist of Etiquette]

"Come on, fence sitters. It's time for the pendulum to swing back our way."

[Hazel Meade]

"Vote Democrat: There's still a few people with some money left to steal."

[Excellent point, Hazel]

Bitterly clinging to your 401K account?

[And....]

We'll take care of it for you!

[OhioOrrin]

"dems will end the gobp war on the middle class"

[sloopyinca]

"UrineIdiot if you don't vote Dem."

[Kristen]

Wow, incorrect abbreviation and catchy.

[kf]

Close Guantanamo by 2014!

[And....]

Stop Bush's drone-war in Pakistan!

[GoNavy]

Close Guantanamo by 2014 2016!

[Nipplemancer]

Close Guantanamo by 2014 2016! eventually

[Progressive DNS]

"Vote Democrat: Our Entitlement is Due!"

[Emiko]

"Here... catch"

[R C Teddy]

before they drive off of bridges

Not cool!

[Kristen]

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. - A. Einstein"

[sarcasmic]

Who ironically was a socialist.

[Kristen]

But was also massive anti-authoritarian. Go figure.

[Kristen]

Fuckit

*massively

[db]

E = mc^2 so your original is also true--he was very energetically anti-authoritarian.

[sloopyinca]

"Coexist through Coersion."

[DNS]

"Coexist through Coersion."

"Coexersion?"

[DNS]

"Coexist through Coersion(sic)."

"Coexercion"?

[Or....]

Corrosion?

[PS]

^this

[sloopyinca]

"Republicans eat babies!"

[Gus]

Better to abort.

[Fund Worldwide Abortion!!]

[alan]

Those slogans are centered on the GOP to an amazing degree. It is usually counter productive to mention a rivals brand in a commercial because the brand name is retained more than the criticism itself.

For a moment I'm going to imagine myself on their team, and take the challenge.

Okay, here it goes:

Remember Prosperity? For All & Not Just The Few? Vote Democrat

[DNS]

For a moment I'm going to imagine myself on their team, and take the challenge.

Carol alan, Carol alan...walk to the light...walk to the light, Carol alan!

[alan]

Relax. Even though I'm a mercenary first, and a principled libertarian second, my excess capital goes to the funding of a penal colony on Mars to provide a place to live for our public employees that is as far away from us as possible and for a robot army to seize them.

[DNS]

Impressive. Do you have a prospectus handy?

[alan]

I've always viewed it as a weekend hobby to deal with a personal annoyance, but when you put it like that, there certainly would be a good deal of interest in this sort of project that would attract investors. I'll have to give that some thought. Also, I could use an AI guy; my current method of Lua scripting a stack of Playstation 3's to run snatch and grab routines could prove limited if they run into some pub employees who are smart enough to do more than just stand there, scream and poop their pants.

[Ska]

This is a good point - 4/5 are basically "We're not the Republicans!"

The first one, well is that supposed to sound cool? Why not just go with a more recent overused cliche, like "Obamawesomesuace."

[Pip]

"Abort the Republicans"

[Vermont Gun Owner]

Punish Bush Some More!

[Mr Soul]

I stopped by to pick up a Reason.

[hmm]

Obama drove us into the ditch, get out and push bitches.

[Jeffersonian]

Nice try, but his pals also stole the wheels.

[Zimbabwe Bob]

Who Needs a Slogan When We Aren't Different Anyway

[sloopyinca]

On a serious note, it's pretty telling that four out of five slogans they managed to come up with were negative comments about their opposition while only one was positive (?) about their own party and it's leader.

I'm sure Team Red has a high % of negative messaging as well, but quite a few of the tea party's stickers consist of Gadsden Flags or some derivation of it. I'm curious what the RSCC will trot out. I doubt it will be much better than these options, but their possibilities are much broader.

[alan]

Yeah, I really couldn't imagine the DNC strategist of the 90's going with the kind of inbred snark that repels outsiders that these examples convey. If you ever watched the War Room about the '92 Clinton campaign, you could only envy the professionalism on that team even if you found the message repulsive.

By contrast, these people are hell bent on shooting themselves in the foot. I give more than even odds that the GOP will fail the tea party membership (some are off to a good start but the GOP establishment will likely play a sabotage gambit to retain their hold). Do the elitist in the DNC really want to alienate them, or would they rather find a way to triangulate their message? Bizarrely amateurish for people being paid to have the trust of a political party placed in their hands. Not like the stakes couldn't be any higher for them.

[sevo]

"WTF"!

[sloopyinca]

"If you can read this, you're killing mother earth"
*bumper sticker only

[Killer from Earth-First]

Welcome home, sloop-dogg.

[sloopyinca]

"WTF? RObamaTFL!" works for a Team Red sticker.

I'm claiming that right now!

[X]

You Fucked Up. You Trusted Us.

[Ska]

Vote Dem; at least donkeys have smaller cocks than elephants.

[generic Brand]

Smaller "Kochs"?

[Tanya]

God I thought it was a spoof website. They're too much.

[Progressive DNS]

For the hipster kids:

"Friend the Vote!"

[Mark]

"If you can read this, you don't pay enough taxes."

[jtuf]

"If you can read this, you didn't attend a public school in a blue county."

[Mark]

"Swing back... to Democrat!"

[TRTB]

Excellent.

[TRTB]

Excellent.

[numeromancer]

Based on the quality of the choices alone, I'm predicting the Democrats will lose every seat in the Senate in 2012.

You forget that elections are not a competition to elect the best of the two parties, but to keep from electing the worst. And the republicans are very likely to come up with slogans even more stupid than these.

[Gus]

"Your money or your life?"

[Southerner]

I'm thinkin'! I'm thinkin'!

[Eric Mender]

Reminds me of this clip from Black Adder Season 1.
Jump to 1:46 for the exact reference but it is all worth watching.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVN3SYspXoY

[sloopyinca]

You can't spell Unicorn Farts without Union!"

Not really applicable here, but I just thought it was funny and wanted to share.

[alan]

Or, you can't spell 'Soviet Union without 'union'.

[sloopyinca]

"You can't spell Republican without Nazi"

[alan]

'Barry Will Bury the Fascist!'

Annoying alliteration, Jessie Jackson worthy simpleton rhyme and meter, what is not to hate!

You will see that on a DNC convention Button next year, guaranteed!

[Pip]

"On the ground, face down, hands behind your head!"

[cynical]

"I'll be replacing this with a Volt soon, I promise."

[sloopyinca]

(just below the above sticker)
"And so will you"

[Obama's Volt]

As soon as I get out of this ditch.

[sloopyinca]

"Turd Sandwich in 2012"

[stt]

"If you can read this, you didn't go to a public school."

[President Obama]

"It would be so much easier to be the president of China"

[cynical]

"We've Got Your Back, Barack" - Acceptable. Boring.

"Had Enough Tea? Repeal Republicans in 2012!"

Repeal Republicans? The fuck does that even mean? Sometimes going for alliteration isn't worth it, if it makes you sound like a retard that just sort of randomly picks words related to the political process to make your point.

"GOP: Not My Cup of Tea"

Bland, and doesn't specifically boost the Dems. I can say the same thing and then go vote LP, or just watch Tweedledee and Tweedledum tug on the country until it snaps.

"No Tea For Me, Thanks. I Prefer Progress."

Well, if your goal is to sound like a smarmy, self-righteous asshole, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

"GOPuleeeeez"

If you can put this on your car without shame or embarrassment, I pity you.

[TRTB]

"Well, if your goal is to sound like a smarmy, self-righteous asshole,"

In other words, that's the winner.

[R C Dean]

Vote for the Union Label

[Ken Shultz]

"We will cut no spending before its time."

[Jeffersonian]

And not even then.

[Michael]

Hey, haven't the Dems been positioning themselves as the vanguard of the hip urban liberal creative class for some time now? Was Shep Fairey unavailable to...err...reimagine some ideas this time around?

[jtuf]

So the Democratic philosophy boils down to:

1) Loyalty to the Dear Leader

2) Disdain for Republicans

[Jeffersonian]

"All the meddling and twice the taxes!"

"Taxing our way to prosperity!"

[sloopyinca]

If you vote for a Republican, your child will die."

[alan]

'GOP = Indentured Servitude for Everyone.

Vote Democrat! Vote Union!'

[sloopyinca]

"Liberty. Freedom. Prosperity.
A Democrat craves not these things."

[TRTB]

+lol

[O ReElect the ReBorn O!]

The Second Coming! Phase II.

[Aresen]

Your Golgotha or Mine?

[DOPE]

[Aresen]

For Team Blue or Team Red:

Support Free Speech! Repeal the First Amendment!

[sloopyinca]

"A vote against Obama is a vote for Jim Crow."

(The race card is gonna get played anyway, may as well be up front about it.)

[Aresen]

So Team Red just has to nominated someone named "Jim Crow."

[sloopyinca]

So Team Red just has to nominated someone named "Jim Crow."

I wonder how he'd do? It'd be lulzworthy if he was a black Republican.

[?]

My other car is a rickshaw.

[tote-road]

Put Compassion back in Fashion

[philosophiere]

"Vote Democrat, because no matter who wins, you lose."

[sloopyinca]

"My other ride is the taxpayer's back"

[Entitled Slacker]

good one.

[You're on a roll today, sloop]

[Ken Shultz]

"If you're not gay, black, Latino, or in a union--go fuck yourself."

[creech]

That reminds me, I was driving behind a guy with the license plate "FUX U2"
the other night. How did that one get by the Dept. Motor Vehicles?

[Pip]

I saw one just yesterday that read "IM LOST"

[Aresen]

Best license plate ever seen on a white VW Rabbit:

ML8 ML8

[Trespassers W]

"Obama Nation"

"DP: You Know You Want It, Baby"

[Joe Miller]

We're smarter. NPR said so.

[Barely Suppressed Rage]

"We'll tax the rich and give you some - we promise!"

"Vote Dem because - free stuff!!"

"Be self-righteous, smug and smarter than everyone else in the room in 2014 - be like Barack!"

"Vote for us, because Republicans kill puppies."

"Vote Dem - we won't stop until we get what's coming to you."

[prolefeed]

"Every time you vote Republican, God kills a puppy."

[Aresen]

God is a member of a SWAT team?

[Barely Suppressed Rage]

"Fuck Ben Franklin - we'll give you a small measure of safety if you give us your essential liberties."

[Barely Suppressed Rage]

"Republicans are big meanies - don't you hate them?"

Actually, I remember years ago seeing the bumper sticker "Rich People Suck". I've seen "Mean People Suck" several times and I kinda share that general sentiment - but "Rich People Suck"? I'm thinking "Not Being Rich Sucks."

[prolefeed]

Slightly off-topic, but this bumper sticker is on a car here in Kailua:

"If you're gonna ride my rear, at least pull my hair."

[sloopyinca]

" Shit. I know shit's bad right now, with all that starving bullshit, and the dust storms, and we are running out of french fries and burrito coverings. But I got a solution."

[prolefeed]

"Democrats -- allegedly not as bad as the GOP on some issues."

[Special Sauce]

Republicans Suck. We Swallow!

[prolefeed]

Mencken's bumper sticker:

"Vote Democratic, because you know what you want, and deserve to get it good and hard."

[sloopyinca]

Any chance to get a goatse-esque logo like they made for the London Olympics.

[sloopyinca]

That link is SFW.

[WilliamTeller]

That's easy. "We Lied, We Suck". (0v0)

[Alfred]

"What, me worry?"

[sloopyinca]

Too late!

[.]

Break the bank with Barack!

[Ken Shultz]

"Because we all need to make more sacrifices!"

[MattXIV]

"Vote Democrat - because if this doesn't work out, we're going to have to move back in with our parents."

[Devil Inchoate]

"Barack = Good, GOP = Bad"

[Lou]

Democratic Party

4 more years of B.O.!

[Tenured]

"If you can read this, your taxes are too low."

[Xenocles]

"If you can read this, you're too privileged."

"Give us another chance, our majority was too small last time."

"Vote Democrat, we want control over a different part of your life."

"National Debt: It's for the Children!"

"I want a pony!"

"Be civil or fuck off and die."

[Xenocles]

Actually, can we get that picture of Harry Reid flipping off the camera on a bumper sticker?

[Ken Shultz]

"Because fiscal responsibility is too extreme!"

[Hobo Chang Ba]

"Corporations aren't people, but unions are!"

[sloopyinca]

"Every child is a honor student at Golden Oak Elementary"

(Fill in the name of any other public school in your locale)

[sloopyinca]

"Nigger. Please?"

[Covetousness....]

Is No Longer A Sin -- It Is A Privilege.

[GP]

Does this look infected?